Travel Terms And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->OoooWEeeee!! oo 8 "} > @ < .8 .-._/| .'_'`')`_.' \| ) / (>'/ |_,_ | (,| .' ,'\| `._/ ) \| '`- -- ''-- --- VK/ejm I'm doing a 'Happy Angel' dance! Why? Because Shangrala has been blessed with our first 2011 Angel! William Lysak from Canada is again a faithful Shangrala supporter. This is his FOURTH year in a row of stepping up to the plate to help Keep Shangrala Alive with a sweet donation! We sure do thank God for him and all our past wonderful angels! If you'd like to help too and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->3 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press! :) I decided to elaborate on my prayer thoughts to you by writing a teaching to help those with more questions. Thinking how this turned out make me think of the interview Fox News had with an atheist leader. They were putting up the billboards that showed a Christian scene with 'You KNOW it's a myth'. When asked why, he said they hoped to bring closet atheists out from going to church with this. They just could not understand how so many could believe in God. To him and those like him, I say, read this and you'll understand why I do! _ _|_|_ ,|_| |_|_ || | | |_| || | | | | || | | | | _|| | | | | ||)\ ^ ^ ^ | || | | || | | || | | \\ | \\ / ejm )\ ( / \ \ / \ \ \ \ When You Pray http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/pray.html -<>- Our Next hottie comes from our friend Jo Ann. I love wood. I like taking what appears to be old useless wood furniture and restoring it back to its original glory. Check out this cool car... _______ /______/"=, [ | "=, "=,, [-----+----"=,* ) (_---_____---_)/ (O) (O) Emiliano Sweet Wooden Car! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcar.html --- ...Awww, so beautiful! Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- Our 3rd hot tottie comes from a forward from our friend PatDeE. My own mom overcame her disabilities when she had been in a car wreck, lost her arm from right below the elbow and was told she'd never walk again. She refused to believe the doctors. She got back on her feet and went back to work at her factory and her work as a custom seamstress and furniture upholstery to support her 4 young children. I understand how attitude can affect and make the difference for people. So this hit home. ..::''''::.. .:::. .;'' ``;. .... ::::: :: :: :: :: ,;' .;: () ..: `:::' :: :: :: :: ::. ..:,:;.,:;. . :: .::::. `:' :: .:' :: :: `:. :: '''::, :: :: :: `:: :: ;: .:: : :: : : :: ,:'; ::; :: :: :: :: :: ::,::''. . :: `:. .:' :: `:,,,,;;' ,;; ,;;, ;;, ,;;, ,;;, `:,,,,:' :;: `;..``::::''..;' ``::,,,,::'' Attitude Is Everything 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude3.html --- ...Wow! An Amazing lady! Thank You PatDeE! ========================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: The Cat To English Dictionary CAT PHRASE - MEANING ,_ _, Miaow - Feed me. |\\`-"""-`//| \ :'.': / meeow - Pet me. /=- -=\.=";```":, |= Y =|':. ': ':`. mrooww - I love you. \'._.-'-._.'/ ': : : '\ { '. `'-'` .' } '/.:. ': \ miioo-oo-oo - I am in love {=. ` '-' ` .=} |:' .: \ =} and must meet my betrothed { =. "=_ _=" .= }.=\:' .: | =} outside beneath the hedge. \= \ ` / =/'.=`'--; //= } Don't wait up. '._ `\=/` _.' (_.-=-=-=-'=.' \,,),,/ ( ,-==-==` mrow - I feel like making noise. `._) jgs rrrow-mawww - Please, the time is come to tidy the cat box. rrrow-miawww - I have remedied the cat box untidiness by shoveling the contents as far out of the box as was practical. miaowmiaow - Play with me. miaowmioaw - Have you noticed the shortage of available cat toys in this room? mioawmioaw - Since I can find nothing better to play with, I shall see what happens when I sharpen my claws on this handy piece of furniture. raowwwww - I think I shall now spend time licking the most private parts of my anatomy. mrowwwww - (only heard in males) I am (\ now recalling, with sorrow, that some of )) )\\ my private parts did not return with me (( / .( from that visit to the vet. \\.-"```"'` =_/= > , / roww-maww-roww - I am so glad to see \ )__.\ | that you have returned home with both > / / ||\\ arms full of groceries. I will now rub jgs \\ \\ \\ \\ myself against your legs and attempt to `" `" `" `" trip you as you walk towards the kitchen. mmeww - I believe I have heard a burglar. If you would like to go and beat him senseless, I shall be happy to keep your spot in the bed warm. gakk-ak-ak - My digestive passages seem to have formed a hair ball. Wherever could this have come from? I shall leave it here upon the carpeting. , \)\_ mow - Snuggling is a good idea. / '. .---._ =P ^ ` '. moww - Shedding is pretty good, too. `--. / \ .-'( \ | mowww! - I was enjoying snuggling (.-' )-..__> , ; and shedding in the warm clean laundry (_.--`` (__.-/ / until you removed me so unkindly. .-.__.-'.' jgs '-...-' .-o=o-. , /=o=o=o=\ .--. miaow! miaow! - I have _|\|=o=O=o=O=| \ discovered that, although one __.' a`\=o=o=o=(`\ / may be able to wedge his body '. a 4/`|.-""'`\ \ ;'`) .---. through the gap behind the stove \ .' / .--' |_.' / .-._) and into that little drawer `) _.' / /`-.__.' / filled with pots and pans, the jgs `'-.____; /'-.___.-' reverse path is slightly more `"""` difficult to navigate. mraakk! - Oh, small bird! Please come over here. .--. ssssroww! - I believe that I ." o \__ have found a woodchuck. I shall _.-" ,( ` now act terribly brave. _.-" ,;;| _.-=" _," ,,;;;' mmmmmmm - If I sit in the .-"`_.-"``-..,,;;;;:' sunshine for another week or so, `"'` `\`\ I think I shall be satisfied. jgs /^\\\ =================================================================== +-------------- More Bizarre January Holidays --------------+ January 11 is National Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friend Day January 12 is Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day January 13 is Make Your Dream Come True Day and Blame Someone Else Day January 14 is National Dress Up Your Pet Day January 15 is Hat Day January 16 is Hot and Spicy Food International Day and National Nothing Day January 17 is Blessing of the Animals at the Cathedral Day January 18 is Winnie the Pooh Day January 19 is National Popcorn Day January 20 is National Buttercrunch Day =============================================================== >-->From ArcaMax: . >< . o . o ' . >< * >< . . . o __ ,,",". . L" ,|| >< .-'_-||' . . . . / J . . . /o| L L ,-',/ ,J | ``\ .* C -' `-.-JL`.\ LJLJ ` . _|JL| . `--'`-' o * - . -bf- >Fairytale Once upon a time, in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat, contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princesses lap and said: "Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will turn back into the dapper, young prince that I am, and then, my sweet, we can marry and setup housekeeping in yon castle with my mother, where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children, and forever feel grateful and happy doing so." That night, the princess dined sumptuously on a repast of lightly sautéed frog legs seasoned in a white wine and shallot cream sauce. -<>- _______________________ |\_____________________/| || || || _ _ || || / ) / ) __ |_| || || / -|- / -- | || || `== `== ' || || _____ || ||______________#####__|| jgs |/_____________________\| >Qualified Accountant The company personnel department had carefully interviewed thirty-eight people for the job of assistant to the financial director. The chief executive thought that one candidate - Charles - seemed ideal. Charles had been to a major public school. Not only was he a qualified accountant, but Charles also had a masters degree in business administration. He seemed fully aware of the latest creative accountancy techniques. 'Charles,' said the chief executive, we've decided to offer you the job. And as you're so well qualified we've decided to start you off on a slightly higher salary than the one advertised. We'll pay you 36,000 pounds a year. 'Thank you,' replied Charles. 'But how much is that per month?' -<>- >Hitchhiker A hitchhiker in the hills of Tennessee was picked up by a hillbilly who pulled a gun on him and ordered him to take a bottle of corn moonshine from the glove compartment of the car. "Drink it," the hillbilly ordered, waving the gun. The hitchhiker took a swallow from the bottle, gasped, gulped, sobbed, blinked, wept, gagged, choked, shuddered, squirmed, and twitched. "All right," the hillbilly said. "Now you take the gun and force me to take a drink." -<>- ~~ ::::::::: o _|| :::::::::---------[|<[___] :::::::::| | | | (_) o >Hillbilly Personal Ad A hillbilly sent an advertisement to the newspaper that read, "Farmer, age 36, wishes to become acquainted with woman around 30 who owns a tractor. Please send a picture of the tractor." ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) Ever wonder how they did the music for The Good, the Bad & the Ugly Check this out: http://tinyurl.com/246fdl --- ...A Fun One! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- .-----. ()() / \ .'() |__...__|/ |_....._| .-' ___ '-. \_.-`. .`-._/ __ .--. _ (|\ (_) /|) .-;.-"-.-;`_;-, ( \_=_/ ) .(_( `)-;___),-;_), _(_ _)_ (.( `\.-._)-.( ). ) /` ||'-'|| `\ ,(_`'--;.__\ _).;--'`_) _ /_/ (_>o<_) \_\ // )`--..__ ``` _( o )'(';,)\_//| || : || |\\ \;' ````` `\\ '.\\--' |`"""""""`|// / ':.___// \___,___/\_( | '---'| |__|__| ; ; ;""|""; \ / [] | [] '. .' .' / \ '. jgs'-,.__ __.,-' `--' `--' (___/`````````\___) How Irish Dance Began http://tinyurl.com/4jnyzr4 --- ...Oh MY! You are Bad! TeeHee! Thanks PateDeE! -<>- T \`. T | T .--------------.___________) \ | T ! | |//////////////|___________[ ] ! T | ! `--------------' ) ( | ! mn '-' ! >Tools Explained DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it. WIRE WHEEL:Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!' SKIL SAW:A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. PLIERS:Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters. BELT SANDER:An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs. HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle...It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. VISE-GRIPS:Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. OXYACETYLENE TORCH:Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race. TABLE SAW:A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity. HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper. BAND SAW:A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge. TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect. PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms. PRY BAR:A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. HOSE CUTTER:A tool used to make hoses too short. HAMMER:Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit. UTILITY KNIFE:Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. SON-OF-A-B*#@$ TOOL:(A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a B*#@$!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need. --- ...HaHa! Good ones! Thanks PatDeE! ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) make your coat Of arms http://tinyurl.com/6kbp2m -<>- ___ .-v'---`\. /:/__ : __\'. |:/||:| TEChNIciANs 0f SpaceShip Earth ... |:|\_..J...|:| ... aNDriods aRe we ... _|:|\ t----j|:|_ ...'ll bAre You n0 soN ... /:`.| \ \__/ |.':\ ... arE In coNTrol ... |: | |---: | :| _ ... oF y0ur futURe deStiny \: |.-::.:|-:._:/ /|.' '. ... Circu1ts are fAiliNg / .-' :'x71': `\ ||_ | ... adjusT me adjuzzt me \/\...---. :---.\ | .` ... adjust me .. AdjUst Me /.'`/ .' ':' '. \\ .'\ .' ... adjuztme .. adJustmE ... | : |..:...:|:....:.|\ .' ' (hawkwind) | : |\ : /|\ : /'.\_.' .` | : | \---':| `---'\'./|| .' | : | |;: :| :| \/::|.' }==={ |;: :| :| `--' }==={/`'._ \ _\ | : |`'-._`-:|.-'.-\ | : |"":"""""|""":""| | : | : :| : | | : | : :| : | \: |..: . / :..| / < :|- : / |...| :|- : / \_/. :|- :| | :|- :| cjr \ :|- :/ 24nov99 | |- | How 90's is your website? http://how90s.com/ --- ...Interesting! Thanks Wesley! I was surprised as my website was built in 1997 so you'd think it would be rated high as a 90's site. It only rated 40% and one item was counted wrong. It doesn't have a counter on it so it should of been rated only 30%. And sorry about it's luck, I am not going to 'improve' my site by taking out gifs! How lame and boring would that be? Silly people these days! HaHa! I don't want to be a plain Jane site! ============================================================ >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS] >From Newsmax: Limbaugh Blasts Media for ‘Sick’ Shooting Coverage http://tinyurl.com/47z8lgm Classmate: Loughner Was ‘Left-Wing Pothead’ http://tinyurl.com/4nxfr7k Despicable: Democrats, Media Blame Sarah Palin, Tea Party for Giffords Attack; Shooter Was Leftwing, Anarchist http://tinyurl.com/4w9kpas -<>- >From Taipan Daily: A Ticked-Off Massachusetts Judge Trumps Two-Faced Washington Bankers http://tinyurl.com/4lvvvrf A Requiem for Tall Paul by Justice Litle, Editorial Director, Taipan Publishing Group The White House has shown its true intentions now. There is no longer any doubt of docile allegiance to a grasping financial elite. It's not as if there were much doubt in the first place. But now we can say for sure. Why? Because the one good man in Washington is being turfed out. Paul Volcker, aka "Tall Paul," aka "the man who broke the back of inflation" in his role as Fed Chairman in the early 1980s, is stepping down from his advisory post. And he is being made to do so in a humiliating and disrespectful way. "Volcker was always sort of on the outside anyway," notes former U.S. Treasury apparatchik Joseph Engelhard. "They pretty much used him to look tough on regulation, and now they're done with him, and now they're saying goodbye." Read More here: http://tinyurl.com/6h4ujc8 -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Wife reports bank-robbing husband ----------- BRADENTON, Fla. - Florida police said they arrested a bank robbery suspect after his wife recognized his face in a surveillance photo on the news and reported him. The Manatee County Sheriff's Office said Troy Sandifar, 45, allegedly robbed a First Bank branch of an unspecified amount of money at about 10:50 a.m. EST Tuesday and authorities received a call at about 6:30 p.m. from Afra Sandifar, who recognized her husband's face from a survei- llance camera video broadcast on the evening news, the Bradenton (Fla.) Herald reported Thursday. Deputies said Troy Sandifar fled the apartment with the cash from the robbery and his vehicle was stopped by authorities. How- ever, he refused commands to exit the vehicle and was spotted swallowing what appeared to be a large amount of rock cocaine. Sandifar was arrested after a brief struggle and taken to Manatee Memorial Hospital where he was treat- ed for ingestion of drugs. Deputies said he made a full confession while being interviewed at the hospital. The suspect was transferred to the Manatee County Jail and held without bond, deputies said. -- Bullet bounces off cellphone ------------- ATLANTA - Atlanta police said a nightclub valet's life may have been saved by his cellphone when a bullet fired by a gunman ricocheted off the device. Investigators said the Halo club valet parking attendant had his phone in his breast pocket shortly before 3 a.m. EST Thursday when a pair of gunmen, who witnesses said had been kicked out of the club, fired off several rounds, The Atlanta Journal- Constitution reported. Police said the victim was treated for minor injuries at the scene and two men with handguns in their vehicle were arrested a short time later. The names of the suspects and the victim were not released by authorities Thursday. =============================================================== >-->From Laugh And Lift: ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: Storm A Poem for Texans Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry, Please keep it cool in mid-July. Bless the walls where termites dine, While ants and roaches march in time. Bless our yard where spiders pass Fire ant castles in the grass. Bless the garage, a home to please- Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas. Bless the love bugs, two by two, The gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you. Millions of creatures that fly or crawl, In Texas, Lord, you've put them all! But this is home, and here we'll stay, So thank you Lord, for INSECT SPRAY!! -<>- The Lift , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' Jesus Christ In Every Book of the Bible There's somewhat of a conception out there that in the Bible, Jesus doesn't make his debut until the New Testament. While it is true that it is in the New Testament we learn of Jesus' life here when He came to live among us, the reality is that Jesus is also in the Old Testament. Because Jesus is God, and He IS the Word. John 1:1 says "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. " And John then tells us that the Word--the revelation of God to his Creation--became a man. He writes in John 1:14, "And the Word became flesh, and dwelt among us, and we saw His glory, glory as of the only begotten from the Father, full of grace and truth." The man John is talking about is Jesus. Because the Bible is God's Word to us, and because Jesus IS the Word, well - if you're looking, you'll find Jesus throughout the whole thing from start to finish. And that leads me to the following video I'd like to share. I've heard similar expositions before by skilled preachers, but this one by an 11-year-old boy just really warmed my heart and was a great encouragement. I trust you will find the same. And unlike some videos where you see children doing something that just seems forced memorization, this kid hasn't merely memorized something, but he clearly seems to believe it too. And that is really cool to see! Click the following link to view - ENJOY! :) http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=OhVrcV6WmfQ SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ================================================================== >-->From TheJokester: %\ %\ %% \ %% \ %% \ %% \ %%% \ %%% \ %%% \ %%% \ %%%% \ %%%% \ %%%% \%%%% \ %%%%% %%%%% \ %%%%% .-%%%%%,---------------. .'.' | Welcome to | .-' / | Mt. suggestive| _.-' : `-------++------' .--'" `. || ,' `-._ || Krogg : `--..._____||_________ : `. >Travel Brochure Terms (translated) Old world charm (Room and a bath) Tropical (Rainy) Majestic setting (A long way from town, at end of dirt road) Options galore (Nothing is included in the itinerary) Secluded hideaway (Directions to the location are unclear) Some budget rooms (Sorry, already occupied) Explore on your own (At your own expense) Knowledgeable trip hosts (They've flown in an airplane before) No extra fees (No extras) Nominal fee (Outrageous charge) Standard (Sub-standard) Deluxe (Barely Standard) Superior accommodations (One complimentary chocolate, free shower cap) All the amenities (Two chocolates, two shower caps) Plush (Both top and bottom sheets) Gentle breezes (In hurricane alley) Light and airy (No air conditioning) Picturesque (Theme park nearby) 24-hour bar (Ice cubes at additional cost - when available) -<>- %\ %\ %% \ %% \ %% \ %% \ %%% \ %%% \ %%% \ %%% \ %%%% \ %%%% \ %%%% \%%%% \ %%%%% %%%%% \ %%%%% .-%%%%%,---------------. .'.' | Welcome to | .-' / | Mt. suggestive| _.-' : `-------++------' .--'" `. || ,' `-._ || Krogg : `--..._____||_________ : `. >Helpful Hints For The Inexperienced Traveler! Be very suspicious if the advertised price of a Caribbean cruise includes the phrase "Free Ammo." Consider carefully before visiting a country where the license plate motto is Die American Pig. There is no legitimate reason for a travel agent to need to know if you have experience in jungle warfare. If you find yourself in Iran, do not use the word blanket head. On a trip to Canada, your travel agent should not charge you for an interpreter. While in the Vatican, do not refer to St. Peter as "Petey-Boy." Do not board a cruise ship if passengers are being issued oars. Avoid any Latin American Tour named Bay of Pigs, Two. In South America, say no to anyone wanting you to deliver a suitcase of powdered sugar to their grandmother in Miami. Legitimate travel agents do not dress in foreign military uniforms. ================================================================ >-->From The Mouthpiece: ._ .-' `-. .-' \ ; .-'\ ; `._.' ; | | | ; : ; : ; : / / ; : , ; | .-"7| .-'" : .-' .' : .-' \ .' .' `. .' `-. ""-.-'`"" `",`-._..--"7 ; . `-.J `-, ;"`.;|,_, ; _.' | `"" `. ."""--. o \:.-. _.' ."" : ,--`; , `--/}o,' ; ; .___.' / ,--.`-. `-..7_.- /_ \ : `..__.._; .'__; `---..__.-'-.`"-, .' `--. | \_; \' `-._.-") \\ `-, `. -.`_): `. `-"""`. ;__.' ;/ ; " `-.__7" `-..._.'`7 -._;' ``"-'' `--.,__.' fsc >Signs You're Going to Have a Bad Day You know it's going to be a bad day when... * your twin sister forgets your birthday. * you wake up face down on the pavement. * you put your bra on backwards and it fits better. * you call suicide prevention and they put you on hold. * you see a "60 Minutes news team" waiting in your outer office. * your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candles. * you turn on the TV news and they're displaying emergency routes out of your city. * you wake up to discover that your water bed broke and then you realize that you don't have a water bed. * your horn goes off accidently and remains stuck as you follow a group of Hell's Angels on the freeway. * you get a rejection notice from the HUMOR Listserver say- ing that you're no longer funny. * your doctor tells you, "Well, I have bad news and good news..." * you open the paper and find your picture under a caption that reads: "WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE!" -<>- ,----. ( WOW! ) .-. `----' _ \ \ (_) \ \ O | | |\ /\ o | | __ |,\(_\_ . /\---/\ _,---._ | | ( ( |\,` `-^. /^ ^ \,' `. ; \ \ : `-' ) ( O O ) ; \ \ \ ; `.=o=__,' \ \ \ `-. ,' / _,--.__ \ \ \ ____________,' ( / _ ) ,' `-. `-. \ ; ' ; / ,' / ,' \ \ \ \ \ /___,-. / / / ,' (,_)(,_) `, ,_____| ;'_____,' (,; (,,) jrei ,-" \ : | : ( .-" \ `.__ | | \__) `.__,' |__) SSt >Food for thought: * Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind. * You can't change the past, but you can ruin the present by worrying over the future. * Love... and you will be loved. * All people smile in the same language. * A hug is a great gift, one size fits all. It can be given for any occasion and it's easy to exchange. * Everyone needs to be loved, especially when they do not deserve it. * The real measure of a man's wealth is what he has invested in eternity. * Laughter is liquid sunshine. * Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it. * It's important for parents to live the same things they teach. * If you fill your heart with regrets of yesterday and the worries of tomorrow, you have no today to be thankful for. * Happy memories never wear out. Relive them as often as you want. * Home is the place where we grumble the most, but are often treated the best. * The choice you make today will usually affect tomorrow. * If anyone speaks badly of you, live so none will believe it. * Patience is the ability to idle your motor, when you feel like stripping your gears. ============================================================ >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: \\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\ \-- \\\\\\ (O(O) ))\ / - \ (_/\/\ \ \_ ./ )-'.:'. __ (((( (_/\/=::::\ _\/_ ________________ \_,) /:::/\_\\ .' '. | __________ | \:\ /:::/::\ \\ | | | .' '.HELP!'.| _ \:\/:::/:::::::\| | | / .-. \_I'm_ \ (((_)),__/:::/\:::::::|| | | | : : |\ being\ \\__)::::::' \::::::|| | | \ '-' / \_held_\ ''''' /::::::|| | | '.___.'_ /capti-/ ______________|::::::.|| | |_________ /ve at_/ ( ''---''( | | \the \ \ \'-.____________/_/_\ | /toilet/ _\ _\\(________________)____.' \paper \ ( -- -') ) '. ) /fac-__/ //\ -_- )\ \ .' \tory! > (__ /.-) \ \ \ ^^^^^^____.._( )_)\ \ \ \ ( \\\''' | | ) \ \ pils __________________\______.___|_|__(________|__)_____ In a public rest room: Leaving Minnesota for Colorado, I decide to make a stop at one of those rest areas on the side of the road. I go in the washroom. The first stall was taken so I went in the second stall. I just sat down when I hear a voice from the next stall... - "Hi there, how is it going?" Okay, I am not the type to strike conversations with strangers in washrooms on the side of the road. I didn't know what to say so finally I say: - "Not bad..." Then the voice says: - "So, what are you doing?" I am starting to find that a bit weird, but I say: - "Well, I'm going back to Colorado..." Then I hear the person say all flustered: - "Look I'll call you back, every time I aask you a question this idiot in the next stall keeps answering me." -<>- >Signs Your Co-worker is a Computer Hacker 10. You ticked him off once, and your next phone bill was for $20,000. 9. He's won the Publisher's Clearing House sweepstakes 3 years running. 8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex. 7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office computer network goes down. 6. Somehow gets HBO on his PC at work. 5. Mumbled, "Oh, puh-leeez" 95 times during the movie "The Net." 4. Massive 401k contribution made in half-cent increments. 3. His video dating profile lists "public-key encryption" among hobbies. 2. When his computer starts up, you hear, "Good Morning, Mr. President." 1. You hear him murmur, "Let's see you use that Visa card now, Professor I-Don't-Give-A's-In-Computer-Science!" -<>- . : . . : | : . . | | | , \ | | / . ,-'"""`-. . "- / __ __ \ -" |==| I |==| - --- | _`--^--'_ | --- - |'`. ,'`| _- \ "---" / -_ . `-.___,-' . / | | \ .' | | | `. : | : . : . Q. Who invented sunglasses? A. 15th century Chinese judges wanted to appear even-handed and so wanted to be able to hide their reaction to trial testimony and they didn't want people to follow their eye movements. To achieve this they wore smoked-tinted quartz glasses. The first modern use was among pilots, wanting to protect their vision from the glare of the sun. ================================================================ >-->From CleanLaffs: Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?". One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury". But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm". Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast". Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills". Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land". And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord." -<>- ,====,,'''',,, _____________________________________ _______||__||_______ ''', /' | | | |y.a.s.| | | ; /' Name: ____Yosef_A._Sukenik_________ | | | | | | | ; / o | | | | ___|_|__ | '''\ Address: __sukenik@calgary.ab.ca___ | | | | |ISRAEL| | `\ | | | | """|"|"" | `\.____________________________________| |dcau|_|______|_|____| I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry as they were trained professionals and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?" -<>- According to my mother, she and Dad decided to start a family soon after he became an officer in the Air Force. When months went by without success, they consulted the base physician, who chose to examine Mom right then and there. "Please disrobe," he told her. "With him in the room??" she yelled, pointing to my father. Turning to Dad, the doctor said, "Captain, I think I found the problem." -<>- My job is in the Aerospace Industry, and it's always been a challenge to explain just what kind of work I do. At one gathering, I tried several unsuccessful attempted explanations before deciding to be as generic as possible. When the subject came up while I was talking with a group of guys, I replied simply, "Defense Contractor." The men nodded, and as the conversation went on, I silently declared victory to myself. Then, one of them turned to me and asked, "So, what do you put up mainly? Chain-link?" -<>- Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. Tim struck up a conversation with the only other person in the pool, a five-year-old boy. After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave." Tim then turned to his new friend and announced that he had to leave because his father was calling. Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, "You're a kid?" -<>- \_/ --(_)-- . / \ /_\ |Q| .-----' '-----. __ /____[SCHOOL]___\ ())) | [] .-.-. [] | (((()) ..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. "Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill." Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?" "This is my mother." -<>- A young mother was standing outside a mall holding her six- month-old baby and her sister's three-month-old baby. Two women approached the mother. "Are they twins?" one asked. "No, they're three months apart." "My! You sure had them close together." -<>- We were helping customers when the store optometrist walked by and flirted with a co-worker. Of course, we all had to stop what we were doing to tease her. But she quickly dis- missed the notion of a budding romance. "Can you imagine making out with an optometrist?" she asked. "It would always be, 'Better like this...or like this?'" ============================================================ >-->From SermondFodder: >Benefits of Tithing /|~~~ ///| /////| ///////| /////////| \==========|===/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ unknown Two men off for a sailing trip around the world are shipwrecked. The minute they got on to the island one of them started screaming and yelling, "We're going to die! We're going to die! There's no food! No water! We're going to die!" The second man comfortably propped himself up against a palm tree and acted so calmly it drove the first man crazy. "Don't you understand?!? We're going to die!!" The second man replied, "You don't understand, I make $100,000 a week." The first man looked at him quite dumbfounded and asked, "What difference does that make?!? We're on an island with no food and no water! We're going to DIE!!!" The second man answered with a confident smile, "No, you just don't get it. I make $100,000 a week and I tithe ten percent on that $100,000 a week. Our church is getting ready to start a building program. My pastor and the finance committee will find me" To subscribe go to http://www.sermonfodder.com ========================================= If we do not cling to riches, selfishness, or greed - then I believe we are getting closer to God. -- Daniel Ortega =========================================== >The Boy Under the Tree \ i. / s / \ \ / / .n' | a |_.-._ / / / .-' `-. --._ / / | / \-.__' `. | ( | | _ \ _ .-. \ | `-.-' | .-' '-. | ' `-. ( )_ | `-._ \ ( | \ / \ `-' `. `--. \ ) \ \`-' / | .' \ .- '-.| `-._.-' \ / \ | / \ . `._.-' | | / | | ' / | (_/ | `-._ _.' \ //\ .| `--' \" \ '\ \___/)_ | | ` \_ \` , \ \ (\ .o-`-o | \__ _______,-'\` \ ( | | | \\ | [nabis] b "" \ In the summer recess between freshman and sophomore years in college, I was invited to be an instructor at a high school leadership camp hosted by a college in Michigan. I was already highly involved in most campus activities, and I jumped at the opportunity. About an hour into the first day of camp, amid the frenzy of icebreakers and forced interactions, I first noticed the boy under the tree. He was small and skinny, and his obvious discomfort and shyness made him appear frail and fragile. Only 50 feet away, 200 eager campers were bumping bodies, playing, joking and meeting each other, but the boy under the tree seemed to want to be anywhere other than where he was. The desperate loneliness he radiated almost stopped me from approaching him, but I remembered the instructions from the senior staff to stay alert for campers who might feel left out. As I walked toward him I said, "Hi, my name is Kevin and I'm one of the counselors. It's nice to meet you. How are you?" In a shaky, sheepish voice he reluctantly answered, "Okay, I guess." I calmly asked him if he wanted to join the activities and meet some new people. He quietly replied, "No, this is not really my thing." I could sense that he was in a new world, that this whole experience was foreign to him. But I somehow knew it wouldn't be right to push him, either. He didn't need a pep talk, he needed a friend. After several silent moments, my first interaction with the boy under the tree was over. At lunch the next day, I found myself leading camp songs at the top of my lungs for 200 of my new friends. The campers were eagerly participated. My gaze wandered over the mass of noise and movement and was caught by the image of the boy from under the tree, sitting alone, staring out the window. I nearly forgot the words to the song I was supposed to be leading. At my first opportunity, I tried again, with the same questions as before: "How are you doing? Are you okay?" To which he again replied, "Yeah, I'm alright. I just don't really get into this stuff". As I left the cafeteria, I too realized this was going to take more time and effort than I had thought - if it was even possible to get through to him at all. That evening at our nightly staff meeting, I made my concerns about him known. I explained to my fellow staff members my impression of him and asked them to pay special attention and spend time with him when they could. The days I spend at camp each year fly by faster than any others I have known. Thus, before I knew it, mid-week had dissolved into the final night of camp and I was chaperoning the "last dance". The students were doing all they could to savor every last moment with their new "best friends" - friends they would probably never see again. As I watched the campers share their parting moments, I suddenly saw what would be one of the most vivid memories of my life. The boy from under the tree, who stared blankly out the kitchen window, was now a shirtless dancing wonder. He owned the dance floor as he and two girls proceeded to cut up a rug. I watched as he shared meaningful, intimate time with people at whom he couldn't even look just days earlier. I couldn't believe it was him. In October of my sophomore year, a late-night phone call pulled me away from my chemistry book. A soft-spoken, unfamiliar voice asked politely, "Is Kevin there?" "You're talking to him. Who's this?" "This is Tom Johnson's mom. Do you remember Tommy from leadership camp? The boy under the tree. How could I not remember? "Yes, I do", I said. "He's a very nice young man. How is he?" An abnormally long pause followed, then Mrs. Johnson said, "My Tommy was walking home from school this week when he was hit by a car and killed." Shocked, I offered my condolences. "I just wanted to call you", she said, "because Tommy mentioned you so many times. I wanted you to know that he went back to school this fall with confidence. He made new friends. His grades went up. And he even went out on a few dates. I just wanted to thank you for making a difference for Tom. The last few months were the best few months of his life." In that instant, I realized how easy it is to give a bit of yourself every day. You may never know how much each gesture may mean to someone else. I tell this story as often as I can, and when I do, I urge others to look out for their own "boy under the tree." David Coleman and Kevin Randall from Chicken Soup for the College Soul by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Kimberly Kirberger and Dan Clark. Copyright 1999 Canfield and Hansen. All rights reserved. ================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Signs Of A Bad Day http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/badday.html Top Reasons To Smile http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smile.html Playboy Bunny Calendar http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/calendar.html Humor With Our Troops 4 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/humor4.html Life's Little Oops 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops5.html Why God Gave Us Pets http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gpets.html TSA's Calendar Gals http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tsa.html Worms! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worms.html Thinkers And Their Desks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/desks.html Humor In Religion 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hreligion2.html Mexican Lion! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lion.html -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Finalized MTG Minutes http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghjkikl.htm First Day At The Rifle Range http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghjkillo.htm First IT Consultant http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdfde.htm Fishing Boat http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdrese.htm Fitness http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdss.htm Resources http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjhv.htm Rules For New Employees http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjml.htm Screen Saver http://www.buffaloschips.com/mbcx.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ========================================================== >-->Quotes And Thunkers: "I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them." -Unknown "I married a younger man. Ten years younger than I am. I figure it like this: If you can't find a good man, raise one." --Unknown "Murphy told Quinn that his wife was driving him to drink. Quinn remarked that Murphy was a very lucky man, because his own wife makes him walk to the pub." --Unknown "Another blizzard in New York. I saw a cop yesterday and he was up to his neck in snow. I said, 'Wow, you're having a rough day.' He said, 'Yeah, it's even rougher on my horse.'" -David Letterman "Buzz Aldrin will be on 'Dancing With the Stars.' He may be the only man to have walked on the moon and moonwalked in the same lifetime." -Jimmy Kimmel "Search crews in Montana are looking for two bags of mail in the wilderness that fell out of a plane last week. Meanwhile, a bunch of squirrels were excited to learn they'd been pre- approved for a Discover Card." -Jimmy Fallon "I had a good weekend. Guillermo and Uncle Frank came over and I smoked a roast in my smoker. I smoked it for 12 hours. Fifteen pounds of roast, 15 guys there, one three pound dog, and not one scrap left. We ate the dog, too, when we were finished." -Jimmy Kimmel "Buzz Aldrin was kicked off of 'Dancing With the Stars.' For some reason, on the moon, he seemed so much lighter on his feet." -Jay Leno "Last week, two escaped prisoners in Argentina got away from police by disguising themselves as sheep. Guards said they should have known something was up, when they saw two sheep walking out of a prison." -Jimmy Fallon "The economy's in bad shape. In fact, the economy is so bad, Gov. Schwarzenegger had to take a second job narrating 'Hooked on Phonics' CDs." --Jay Leno "Last week the shuttle went up to fix the Hubble Space Tele- scope. And now, when they finished up, they put a sticker on the telescope that says, 'Objects may be closer than they appear.'" --David Letterman >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chhristian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DDARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************