True Confessions Of A Golfer And More! ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >To View the ASCII Art for this... You may View the on-line SMILES text Here: (You may Have to REFRESH your browser) http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html This Weeks regular Shangy emails ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ _ooo--. @@@=@MMM\.`,_.',- _.\X/"/" \ 33, ===A | \ P""B /@,_ ( __,/""\.M\ |; \"/\"_,/ / .'.A \,\._><-__./ "V \F _ a_3R"---,. _>"# _ ) ( / .@J / ) / / ) ( | \ /, | \ `,._,/ ___ "=\, ]@7,.n| P @\ 7-______. \____., .) / / \ \ \WWW/ | | | | ""' ___ / \. ,/ \._ /" """ \ ( """"\ |( ___.-' "--. \) ""-`"""" `--(__)/ Stephen Unwin *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2010 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2010 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ========================= >-->From Our Friends At TruthOrTradition.com: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' Hello and God bless you! We thought you would be blessed to watch our newest video series on speaking in tongues. Part 1: What it is not Part 2: What it is Part 3: What it is for Part 4: How to speak in tongues (step by step instructions) To watch this video series, please visit here: http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&new_topic=88 Also, we have these research articles available: "What is Speaking in Tongues and why does God say to do it?" at http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1026 and "The Importance of Speaking in Tongues" at http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1024 (includes a free audio teaching) We trust these resources are a blessing to you! Remember, you can subscribe to our YouTube channel free of charge to receive weekly updates on our newest videos at http://www.youtube.com/TruthOrTradition God bless you! The Staff of TruthOrTradition.com ================================================================== >-->From TheFunnyBone: With A Twist! ___ .'`-, `. A man walks into a Chinese restaurant and is / .' \ told by the maitre'd that there will be at ;,-' _ _ least a twenty minute wait and to wait in the 8 \ _\ bar. So he goes and has a seat at the bar. 8 \ \ -| The bartender walks up and says with a heavy 8 _/ `,-` accent, "What you dlink?" 8 `-._| ^ ` The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist." The bartender squints at him for a few seconds, then smiles and says, "Once upon time were *four* little pigs..." ==================================================================== >-->From ArcaMax Jokes: __ ___ /__\ (-} \__/ .-"-.[m,] [__][__] /)\ /\)/ [][__][__]\__ [__][] [__][__][__][__][__] [][__][__][__][__][] [__][__][__][__][__] [][__][__][__][__][] ejm [__][__][__][__][__] >Patio Problem My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered the chosen area was too small. He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground was too hard to keep the patio level. He ordered a truckload of sand to be delivered the following morning. Again he stacked the 100 blocks against the house. Observing all this, our next-door neighbor asked, "Ray, are you going to put your patio away every night?" -<>- _...._ .'.o' o.'. /o o .o' o'\ |'.o 'o. o'.o| |o. o' o 'o .| \ o .o.'o'./ '._o__o_.' \ / || || || || || jgs || \/ >True Confessions Of A Golfer A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my child?" the priest asks back. "Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I feel absolutely terrible." "When did you do use this awful language?" said the priest. "I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards." "Is that when you swore?" "No, Father." Said the man. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away." "Is THAT when you swore?" asked the priest again. "Well, no," said the man, "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!" "Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed priest. "No, not yet." The man replied. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away in his claws, it flew towards the green. And as it passed over a bit of forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball." "Did you swear THEN?" asked the now impatient priest. "No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the green and stopped within six inches of the hole." "You missed the putt, didn't you?" sighed the priest. -<>- >Sick Aunt Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Smith into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium, you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Smith. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking, do you?" -<>- >Eggplants A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25¢ each -- three for a dollar." All day long, customers came in exclaiming: "Don't be ridiculous! I should get four for a dollar!" Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer, "Aren't you going to fix the mistake on your sign?" "What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that sign no one ever bought more than one eggplant." -<>- .----. ===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT... // 6 6 \\ / ( 7 ) \ '--' / \_ ._/ __) (__ /"`/`\`V/`\`\ / \ `Y _/_ \ / [DR]\_ |/ / /\ | ( \/ / / / \ \ \ / \ `-/` _.` jgs `=. `=./ `"` >Four-Letter Surgery Jerry is recovering from day surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm OK but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered. "What did he say," asked the nurse. "OOPS!" -<>- >Tidy Housekeeper? The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it." -<>- >Sunday Morning Picture it: rural area, Sunday morning, church is packed and the devil decides to pay a visit. The doors burst open, and a roiling black cloud rolls in with the devil in its midst. People jump out of the pews and run outdoors, screaming - all except for two. One is the Pastor, the other is an elderly farmer. Satan is a bit perplexed. He points to the Pastor and says, "You! I can understand why you didn't run away, you are in your Lord's house, you preach against me everyday and you aren't afraid of me. But YOU (points to the farmer), why didn't you run out scared like everyone else?" The farmer crosses one leg over the other and drawls, "Why, I'm surprised you don't recognize me...I've been married to your sister for 36 years!" ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Becky :) | --====|====-- | .-"""""-. .'_________'. /_/_|__|__|_\_\ ;'-._ _.-'; ,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------, ``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""`` jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"` \\_// '._ _.' \\_// `"` ``---`` `"` >Wake Up Call Luke AFB is west of Phoenix and is rapidly being surrounded by civilization that complains about the noise from the base and its planes, forgetting that it was there long before they were. A certain lieutenant colonel at Luke AFB deserves a big pat on the back. Apparently, an individual who lives somewhere near Luke AFB wrote the local paper complaining about a group of F-16s that disturbed his/her day at the mall. When that individual read the response from a Luke AFB officer, it must Have stung quite a bit. The complaint: 'Question of the day for Luke Air Force Base: Whom do we thank for the morning air show? Last Wednesday, at precisely 9:11 A.M, a tight formation of four F-16 jets made a low pass over Arrowhead Mall, continuing west over Bell Road at approximately 500 feet. Imagine our good fortune! Do the Tom Cruise-wannabes feel we need this wake-up call, or were they trying to impress the cashiers at Mervyns early bird special? Any response would be appreciated. The response: Regarding 'A wake-up call from Luke's jets' On June 15, at precisely 9:12 a.m., a perfectly timed four- ship fly by of F-1 6s from the 63rd Fighter Squadron at Luke Air Force Base flew over the grave of Capt. Jeremy Fresques. Capt Fresques was an Air Force officer who was previously stationed at Luke Air Force Base and was killed in Iraq on May 30, Memorial Day. At 9 a. m. on June 15, his family and friends gathered at Sunland Memorial Park in Sun City to mourn the loss of a husband, son and friend. Based on the letter writer's recount of the fly by, and because of the jet noise, I'm sure you didn't hear the 21-gun salute, the playing of taps, or my words to the widow and parents of Capt. Fresques as I gave them their son's flag on behalf of the President of the United States and all those veterans and servicemen and women who understand the sacrifices they have endured.. A four-ship fly by is a display of respect the Air Force gives to those who give their lives in defense of freedom. We are professional aviators and take our jobs seriously, and on June 15 what the letter writer witnessed was four officers lining up to pay their ultimate respects. The letter writer asks, 'Whom do we thank for the morning air show? The 56th Fighter Wing will make the call for you, and forward your thanks to the widow and parents of Capt Fresques, and thank them for you, for it was in their honor that my pilots flew the most honorable formation of their lives. Only 2 defining forces have ever offered to die for you ....Jesus Christ and the American Soldier. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom. Lt. Col. Grant L. Rosensteel, Jr. USAF --- ...Thank You Becky! Gotta Love Our Troops!! Reminds me of these two... Proud of Our Troops 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops3.html Proud of Our Troops 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops4.html Thank God for Them, And May God Always Bless Them And Their Families! This one is true! http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/wakeup.asp ===================================================================== >-->In The WorldlyNews: [POLITICS] >From Patriot Update VIDEO: Obama Doesn't Want You to Watch This http://tinyurl.com/37u6gz4 EXPOSED: Democrat Party's History of Hate & Racism http://tinyurl.com/3acq39l VIDEO: Obama Openly Mocks God & Bible http://tinyurl.com/2d9mjpq --- ...Irritating to say the least! Did Obama forget about this? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoiswe.html -<>- >From BizarreNews: Anybody want to get married? Two Montanans repeatedly take marriage vows without the benefit of divorce, but they aren't polygamists; they are proxies for absent brides and grooms. Montana is the only state that allows a double-proxy wedding, meaning both sides can be no-shows. Kalispell, Mont., began taking advantage of this quirk about five years ago, when a native son serving in Iraq wanted to marry his pregnant girl- friend. Some research by lawyer Dean Knapton and -- viola! -- Friday afternoon nuptials were born. The law had been on Montana's books for several decades, per- haps to accommodate soldiers during World War II. The cost to the real, albeit absent, bride and groom: $900, of which $50 apiece goes to the proxies, $100 to the judge, $150 to the lawyer-witness; $53 for court fees; $14 for two certified copies of the marriage certificate. The rest goes to a Pennsylvania couple who run a business facilitating proxy marriages. -- Deputies find goat in trunk at checkpoint -------- BEDFORD, Va. - Authorities in Virginia said they found a goat bound in the trunk of a car stopped at a drunken- driving checkpoint. The Bedford County Sheriff's Office said a deputy heard knocking sounds coming from the trunk of a car being driven by Fiona Ann Enderdy, 32, of Washington at the Bedford County-Campbell County line checkpoint, the Lynchburg (Va.) News Advance reported Tuesday. Deputies said Enderdy told deputies the sounds were coming from a goat and the animal was found panting heavily in the trunk. The sheriff's office said an animal control officer working at the checkpoint measured the temperature in the trunk at 94 degrees after it had already been open for 10 minutes. The goat was given water and taken to the Bedford County pound, deputies said. Enderdy, who was charged with cruelty to an animal and released, told deputies she purchased the goat from a farmer for the passengers in her car, four Lynchburg residents originally from Kenya. -- Police: Man thought house was B&B ----------- HIGGANUM, Conn. - Connecticut State Police said a man they believe was on drugs mistook a home for a bed and breakfast and went to sleep in a bedroom. Police said a Higganum couple told them they were spending time with relatives in their home when a family member went inside and found a credit card on the stairs, The Hartford (Conn.) Courant reported. Investigators said they found Walker Bruce, 45, asleep in a bedroom. Bruce told them he had mistaken the house for a bed and breakfast and left his credit card on the stairs as payment. Police said Bruce appeared disorient- ed and is believed to have been under the influence of drugs. Bruce was charged with third-degree burglary and taken to Middlesex Clinic in Essex for examination. -- Man says gun made him robbery target ----------- MILWAUKEE - A Milwaukee man known by locals for openly displaying his handgun on a hip holster says he is giving up open carry after he was robbed at gunpoint. The 34-year- old man, who asked not to be named, said he believes openly displaying his handgun as allowed by law made him a target for the robbery and he sees it as evidence of the need for a concealed carry law, WTMJ-AM, Milwaukee, reported. Neighbors said the man was always carrying the weapon when they spotted him and he was known locally as "the guy with the gun." "It was kind of scary to just see him walking around all the time with that gun kind of just out in the open," neighbor Shambria Mayham Autman said. "I think he was trying to scare people off like, 'Yeah, don't mess with me,' kind of attitude, but it didn't work." Nik Clark, the president of Wisconsin Carry, said he has never heard of a similar incident happening to any of the hundreds of thousands of people in the state who open carry. "So it really is a very unusual situation, very unique," Clark said. ====================================================== [POLITICS] >-->From Our Friend Del ) .-. ## ) * _.-+*'`*+-._ ,## _ _ #. ;### ((.;;.)) ##: .=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=, >##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###< ---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l `-""-' >DEATH OF THE OLD COW Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on, and the car comes to a stop. Nancy, in her usual charming manner, using her normal hand signals as she speaks, says to her chauffeur "You get out and check--you were driving." So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal is indeed dead but it was really old. "You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer," says Nancy. Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair ruffled with a big grin on his face. "My Gosh, what happened to you?" asks Nancy. The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer opened his best bottle of malt whiskey, the wife gave me a fantastic meal and the daughter made love to me." "What on earth did you tell them?" asks Nancy . "I just knocked on the door and when it opened I said to them, "I'm Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow." --- ...My OH My! LOL! Thanks Del! ==================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) Two tooth brushes ___ ___ /\ ..\_ _/ /\ \/\ _) (_'' /\/ \/\ o\ / . /\/ \/\_ ) ( _/\/ Faucet \/_)( )(_\/ ____ (__\______________/__) |___|\ |\ \ / /| | \ Tube of | \ \ / / | | \ toothpaste | \ \ / / | | \ ___ | \ \ / / | ____ | \ ____ / _ \ ______ | \ \ / / | /|_||\|________\/|_||\___ / // // \ \ | \ \ / / | _________________________\-\ \_// \/-__ -\__ \__)(__/ __/------ \_________ / |||| [][][][][][][][][] """""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""" unknown >Little Johnny... The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher. Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events." "Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.. Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath ... Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467." he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?" "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny. "Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?" "I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They all said the same thing, 'Hey, this tastes like dog s*&!' Then I would say, 'It is dog poo. Wanna buy a toothbrush?' 'I used the governmental approach of giving you something gross that they say is good, and then making you pay to get that yucky taste out of your mouth.'" --- ...OH NO!! HaHa! Thanks Sandi! ================================================================ >-->From The Jokester: *8o, 8 : 8 8 : 8 8 : 8 |~~\_____/~~\__ | -cfbd- 8 : 8 ______________________ \N1____====== )-+ 8 : 8 ~~~|/~~ | 8 : 8 () 8 : 8 ,8o,"' aircraft by // -Wil Dixon- ~~ "Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a bananna." - Groucho Marx >When Insults Had Class When Insults Had Class (no 4-letter words!!) These glorious insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not to mention waving middle fingers. The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor: She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it." A member of Parliament to Disraeli: "Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease." "That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your policies or your mistress." "He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr "He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." - Winston Churchill "A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow "He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingwway). "Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulknner) "Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time reading it." - Moses Hadas "He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know." - Abraham Lincoln "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain "He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde "I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchiill "Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one." - Winston Churchill, in response. "I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." - Stephen Bishop "He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright "I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb "He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others." - Samuel Johnson "He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up." - Paul Keating "There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." - Jack E. Leonard "He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford "They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed "In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." - Charles, Count Talleyrand "He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker "Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?" - Mark Twain "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde "He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912) "He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West --- ...Ooo Gotta love Mae West! ;) ================================================================= >-->From The MouthPiece: %%%; * * | %%%; %%%~%%%; . . * # |__/__%%%____/_/~%;% . ___%%;______%%;% . * * " " /~ %-// \ \__%#%%_-%%;` | ~%-/_%` \ \_/%%#%%` . # | %%%#% \__/%%#%%;%`, "| ;%%%;` * . | * ( | #| * . . || . . . . | . ` ' ` * # | .'''. ' .'''. * "| * . .. ' ' .. . ' | * ' '.'.' ' . | .'''.'.'''. " | .----------. ' .''.'.''. ' | |__________| . . : . . |_{}_{}/|__________|\{}_{}_{} _'___':'___'_ {}_{}_{}_{}_{}_{}_{}_{} ' #| || ||/____________\|| || ||(_____________)|| || || || || || || || lc'\""""""|| ||""""""""""""( )""""""""""""""""""""""""""" """"" | | _) (_ .^-^. ~""~ ~""~ (_______)~~"""~~ '._.' ~~""~~ ~""~ .' '. '.,.' `'`' ----------------- Bumper Stickers --------------------- * We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart? * He who laughs last thinks slowest. * Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog... Dorothy * Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. * I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. * Where there's a will, I want to be in it. * OK, who stopped payment on my reality check? * Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it. * I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. * Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.. * A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. * Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. * Give me ambiguity or give me something else. * Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. * There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't. ============================================================== >-->I'm a sucker for mystery thrillers! __.------. (__ ___ ) .)e )\ / /_.------ _/_ _/ __.' / ' `-.__ / <.--' `\ / \ \c | / / ) GoT x \ | /\ |c / \.- \ \__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\ / _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<> / /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`. \/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\ / `. / ) `\ \ \ \___/----' | / `( ___________ \ ./\_ _ \ ______________ / | ) '| __________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f / | |____.) / \ a88a\___/88888a. \_ :)8888888888888888888a. /` `-----' `Y88888888888888888 \____| `88888888888P' >From our friend Lisa Gardner: The Neighbor is now available in paperback! Do you know him? He's not unfriendly, but you won't get much more than a "hello." He keeps to himself. Everyone knows who he is, but nobody knows anything about him. He could be your neighbor. In South Boston, a young, beautiful mother disappears without a trace, leaving behind her four-year-old daughter as the only witness and her handsome husband as the prime suspect. But there's someone else who could fall under suspicion... Detective D.D. Warren is on the case. http://tinyurl.com/38ljr42 ===============================================================\ >-->From CleanLaffs: .=., ;c =\ __| _/ .'-'-._/-'-._ /.. ____ \ /' _ [<_->] ) \ ( / \--\_>/-/'._ ) \-;_/\__;__/ _/ _/ '._}|==o==\{_\/ / /-._.--\ \_ // / /| \ \ \ / | | | \; | \ \ / / | :/ \: \ \_\ / | /.'| /: | \ \ | | |--| . |--| \_\ / _/ \ | : | /___--._) \ |_(---'-| >-'-| | '-' snd /_/ \_\ A Real Man A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day. He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive, and invincible. No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine. Never mind. -<>- I'm dyslexic, and attended a conference about the disorder with a friend. The speakers asked us to share a personal experience with the group. I told them stress aggravates my condition, in which I reverse words and letters when I'm tense. When I finished speaking, my friend leaned over and whispered to me, "Now I know why you named your daughter Hannah." -<>- When the famous politician and orator William Jennings Bryan (1860-1925) was a young man, he went to the home of the father of his prospective wife to ask him for her hand in marriage. Bryan was determined to impress the father by quoting from the Bible, and he chose Proverbs 18:22: "He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD." Bryan was unnerved when the father replied by quoting Paul: "So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he that giveth her not in marriage doeth better." (1 Corinthians 7:38) Bryan, never at a loss for words, said: "Yes, but Paul had no wife and Solomon had 700. Therefore, I believe Solomon ought to be the better judge as to marriage." -<>- (.,------...__ _.'" `. .' .' `, `. `. ` . .' .'/''--...__`. \ . .--.`. ' "-. '. | '' .' _.' .()) .--":/ ''( \_\ ' (()( ''._' ( \ ' ' `. `--' ' `.: . `-.___.' ' `. . _ _ .' ) .____.-' .'`. (--.. .' \ /\ / / `. .' \( \ /|/ `. .' \__/ `. / | o | \ | | | jro At the beginning of the school year, one seventh grader was reflecting on his chance at being the 8th grade valedictorian. He said his dad was valedictorian, his mom was valedictorian, and his sister was also valedictorian. He paused, leaned back in his chair and said, "Looks like the end of an era!" -<>- As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The assistant district attorney asked such questions as: Had I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant? The defense attorney took a different approach, however. "I see you are a teacher," he said. "What do you teach?" "English and theater," I responded. "I guess I better watch my grammar," the defense attorney quipped. "No," I shot back. "You better watch your acting." When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case. Soon after we were married, my husband, Paul, stopped wearing his wedding band. "Why don't you ever wear your ring?" I asked. "It cuts off my circulation," Paul replied. "I know," I said. "It's supposed to." ============================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: >Flu Symptoms At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade teachers were Miss Paine and Mrs. Hacking. One morning the mother of a student called in the middle of a flu epidemic to excuse her daughter from school. "Is she in Paine or Hacking?" the school secretary asked. "She feels fine," said the Mom with a somewhat confused expression in her voice. "Her grandparents are in for a visit, and I'm keeping her home for the day." -<>- >A Day at the Hardware Store After a long day of cleaning, my son and I were returning our rented carpet cleaner to the hardware store. Back at the car, I glanced at the receipt and realized they had charged me for the cleaning liquid but not for the rental. Let the rationalizations begin. "I'm so tired from cleaning. The line is so long. I don't want to drag my son back in there. They've already made money off of me." A still, small voice answered, "Are you a man of integrity, or not? If you aren't faithful in this little thing, how can you be trusted with big things?" A momentary struggle ensued -- would I sell my integrity for $16? "Come on, Jeremy," I said to my son. "We're going back inside." I didn't want to sacrifice my integrity for $16 million, let alone 16 dollars. What about you? Have you had a critical moment lately that challenged your integrity? Remember, integrity is doing what's right, even when no one but God knows the outcome. >From www.integrityresource.org --- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' ...Yeah. Besides. Guess who is watching you every minute of the day? Not like 'no one will know'. God is a one and so are you! AND just who paid the price for all your sins? ----------------- >-->From Laugh And Lift: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >GRACE (Author Unknown) [edited] The boy stood with back arched, head cocked back and hands clenched defiantly. "Go ahead, give it to me." The principal looked down at the young rebel. "How many times have you been here?" The child sneered rebelliously, "Apparently not enough." The principal gave the boy a strange look. "And you have been punished each time have you not?" "Yeah, I been punished, if that's what you want to call it." He threw out his small chest, "Go ahead I can take whatever you dish out. I always have." "And no thought of your punishment enters your head the next time you decide to break the rules does it?" "Nope, I do whatever I want to do. Ain't nothin you people gonna do to stop me either." The principal looked over at the teacher who stood nearby. "What did he do this time?" "Fighting. He took little Tommy and shoved his face into the sandbox." The principal turned to look at the boy, "Why? What did little Tommy do to you?" "Nothin, I didn't like the way he was lookin at me, just like I don't like the way your lookin at me! And if I thought I could do it, I'd shove your face into something." The teacher stiffened and started to rise but a quick look from the principal stopped him. He contemplated the child for a moment and then quietly said, "Today my young student, is the day you learn about grace." "Grace? Isn't that what you old people do before you sit down to eat? I don't need none of your stinkin grace." "Oh but you do." The principal studied the young man's face and whispered. "Oh yes, you truly do..." The boy continued to glare as the principal continued, "Grace, in its short definition is unmerited favor. You can not earn it, it is a gift and is always freely given. It means that you will not be getting what you so richly deserve." The boy looked puzzled. "You're not gonna whup me? You just gonna let me walk?" The principal looked down at the unyielding child. "Yes, I am going to let you walk." The boy studied the face of the principal, "No punishment at all? Even though I socked Tommy and shoved his face into the sandbox?" "Oh, there has to be punishment. What you did was wrong and there are always consequences to our actions. There will be punishment. Grace is not an excuse for doing wrong." "I knew it," sneered the boy as he held out his hands. "Let's get on with it." The principal nodded toward the teacher. "Bring me the belt." The teacher presented the belt to the principal. He carefully folded it in two and then handed it back to the teacher. He looked at the child and said. "I want you to count the blows." He slid out from behind his desk and walked over to stand directly in front of the young man. He gently reached out and folded the child's outstretched, expectant hands together and then turned to face the teacher with his own hands outstretched. One quiet word came forth from his mouth. "Begin." The belt whipped down on the outstretched hands of the principal. Crack! The young man jumped ten feet in the air. Shock registered across his face, "One" he whispered. Crack! "Two." His voice raised an octave. Crack! "Three..." He couldn't believe this. Crack! "Four." Big tears welled up in the eyes of the rebel. "OK stop! That's enough. Stop!" Crack! Came the belt down on the callused hands of the principal. Crack! The child flinched with each blow, tears beginning to stream down his face. Crack! Crack! "No please", the former rebel begged, "Stop, I did it, I'm the one who deserves it. Stop! Please. Stop..." Still the blows came, Crack! Crack! One after another. Finally it was over. The principal stood with sweat glistening across his forehead and beads trickling down his face. Slowly he knelt down. He studied the young man for a second and then his swollen hands reached out to cradle the face of the weeping child. "Grace... Just like the grace God showed us through His son Jesus Christ who gave his life for us. That's grace." SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com =================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) What Is Love? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove1.html God Is Like... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/godislike.html Top Reasons To Smile! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smile.html True Duck Tale! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/duck.html Tigerfish! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tigerfish.html Flower Dog Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flowerart2.html It's A dog's World! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogsworld.html Cat In A Box! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catinbox.html -<>- >Please Visit These To Get New Traffic Foir Shangrala :) Wild Boar Hunter Game http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=41508&s=n Diary of a Mad Cat http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=40950&s=n Two Blondes At A Bus Stop http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=6458&s=n Bad Start to Week http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=32910&s=n Tom & Jerry Cartoons http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=35995&s=n -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Alice.com http://www.alice.com/ Hunt Midwest http://tinyurl.com/3a5q2eo SubTropolis - Warehouse Space http://tinyurl.com/37v9l2b Let's Say Thanks http://www.letssaythanks.com/Home1024.html --- ...Awesome! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: The Magical Wishing Well http://www.joygreetings.com/wishingwell.htm Love Thoughts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/love.html Hot Air Balloons http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/hotair.html Domaci Mazlicek http://www.buffaloschips.com/012118.htm Drum Girls http://www.buffaloschips.com/012119.htm Escape Rescue http://www.buffaloschips.com/012120.htm Ever See A Snake Yawn http://www.buffaloschips.com/012121.htm Faryl Smith Britain's Got Talent http://www.buffaloschips.com/012122.htm cat dog pumpkin http://www.buffaloschips.com/gkdfgjdkflgfd.htm car door http://www.buffaloschips.com/fmksdfjskdfd.htm cat druggie http://www.buffaloschips.com/kgfjdkgjdfgdf.htm cat dvd http://www.buffaloschips.com/m,kgmdf,gmdfg.htm cat easter http://www.buffaloschips.com/ngdfgndlkgfdg.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ================================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future." --Richard Jeni "I worry about my health because I grew up on the tail end of the baby boom generation, and we were just pumped full of chemicals. Every time they came up with a new one, it was like, 'Put it on cereal, keep it crunchy. Hey, put out the light, my teeth are glowing!' Now my whole generation is eating tree bark to clean ourselves out." --Jack Coen "There's always one of my uncles who watches a boxing match with me and says, "Sure. Ten million dollars. You know, for that kind of money, I'd fight him." As if someone is going to pay $200 a ticket to see a 57-year-old carpet salesman get hit in the face once and cry. --Larry Miller "I tried to make money as a kid. I had a lemonade stand for about six weeks. I made no money. I had to burn it down and collect insurance." --Brian Kiley "Whenever tourists come to New York City, they always have two questions. First, 'Where can we get something to eat?' And second, 'What is that smell?'" -David Letterman "They say it now costs $250,000 to raise a child to age 18, and that doesn't count college, which is like $50,000 a year. So kids, if you want to give dad a great Father's Day gift, run away." -Jimmy Kimmel "This is the first time that two women have been on the International Space Station at the same time. That can only mean one thing: zero-gravity pillow fight." - Craig Ferguson "The state of New York recently approved the sale of 192- proof alcohol. Or, for an extra dollar, the liquor store clerk can just punch you in the liver." - Jimmy Fallon "A death row inmate from Utah was executed by firing squad. The guy had a choice and he chose a firing squad. The other option was watching 'The Bachelorette'." - Jay Leno "I have particularly vivid memories of Iowa summers because my father was the last person in the Midwest to buy an air conditioner. He thought they were unnatural. He thought anything that cost more than $30 was unnatural." --Bill Bryson from "I'm a Stranger Here Myself" >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Pass this on as it should be of interrest to all who served. The study was carried out in Austrialia on their Vietnam Veterans. ABC Nat. Radio Health Report Autralian Vietnam Vets: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/HealthReportVV.mp3 VV ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************