True Confessions Of A Golfer And More! ... :) Shangy!
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================
"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
and can only fly by embracing each other"
-Luciano Decrescenzo
~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
_ooo--.
@@@=@MMM\.`,_.',-
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""-`"""" `--(__)/
Stephen Unwin
*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2010 *~*
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If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2010
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=========================
>-->From Our Friends At TruthOrTradition.com:
, ,
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| B |/| |
| I | | |
| B | | |
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jgs '---'
Hello and God bless you!
We thought you would be blessed to watch our newest video series on
speaking in tongues.
Part 1: What it is not
Part 2: What it is
Part 3: What it is for
Part 4: How to speak in tongues (step by step instructions)
To watch this video series, please visit here:
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&new_topic=88
Also, we have these research articles available:
"What is Speaking in Tongues and why does God say to do it?" at
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1026
and
"The Importance of Speaking in Tongues" at
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=1024
(includes a free audio teaching)
We trust these resources are a blessing to you!
Remember, you can subscribe to our YouTube channel free of charge to
receive weekly updates on our newest videos at
http://www.youtube.com/TruthOrTradition
God bless you!
The Staff of TruthOrTradition.com
==================================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: With A Twist!
___
.'`-, `. A man walks into a Chinese restaurant and is
/ .' \ told by the maitre'd that there will be at
;,-' _ _ least a twenty minute wait and to wait in the
8 \ _\ bar. So he goes and has a seat at the bar.
8 \ \ -| The bartender walks up and says with a heavy
8 _/ `,-` accent, "What you dlink?"
8 `-._|
^ ` The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."
The bartender squints at him for a few seconds, then smiles and
says, "Once upon time were *four* little pigs..."
====================================================================
>-->From ArcaMax Jokes:
__ ___
/__\ (-}
\__/ .-"-.[m,]
[__][__] /)\ /\)/
[][__][__]\__ [__][]
[__][__][__][__][__]
[][__][__][__][__][]
[__][__][__][__][__]
[][__][__][__][__][]
ejm [__][__][__][__][__]
>Patio Problem
My husband, Ray, was attempting to build a patio for the first time. He
bought 100 cement blocks. Laying them out in a pattern, he discovered
the chosen area was too small.
He stacked the blocks against the house and cleared more space. The next
day Ray put the cement blocks back down, only to find that the ground
was too hard to keep the patio level.
He ordered a truckload of sand to be delivered the following morning.
Again he stacked the 100 blocks against the house.
Observing all this, our next-door neighbor asked, "Ray, are you going to
put your patio away every night?"
-<>-
_...._
.'.o' o.'.
/o o .o' o'\
|'.o 'o. o'.o|
|o. o' o 'o .|
\ o .o.'o'./
'._o__o_.'
\ /
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jgs ||
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>True Confessions Of A Golfer
A man goes to the confessional. "Forgive me father, for I have sinned."
"What is your sin, my child?" the priest asks back.
"Well," the man starts, "I used some horrible language this week and I
feel absolutely terrible."
"When did you do use this awful language?" said the priest.
"I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going
to go over 250 yards, but it struck a phone line that was hanging over
the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about
100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?"
"No, Father." Said the man. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the
bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the priest again.
"Well, no," said the man, "You see, as the squirrel was running, an
eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and
began to fly away!"
"Is THAT when you swore?" asked the amazed priest.
"No, not yet." The man replied. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away
in his claws, it flew towards the green. And as it passed over a bit of
forest near the green, the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asked the now impatient priest.
"No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some
bushes, careened off a big rock, and rolled through a sand trap onto the
green and stopped within six inches of the hole."
"You missed the putt, didn't you?" sighed the priest.
-<>-
>Sick Aunt
Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Smith into his
office.
"It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time
there's a home game at the stadium, you have to take your aunt to the
doctor."
"You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Smith. "I didn't realize it. You
don't suppose she's faking, do you?"
-<>-
>Eggplants
A grocer put up a sign that read "Eggplants, 25¢ each -- three for a
dollar."
All day long, customers came in exclaiming: "Don't be ridiculous! I
should get four for a dollar!"
Meekly the grocer capitulated and packaged four eggplants. The tailor
next door had been watching these antics and finally asked the grocer,
"Aren't you going to fix the mistake on your sign?"
"What mistake?" the grocer asked. "Before I put up that sign no one ever
bought more than one eggplant."
-<>-
.----.
===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT...
// 6 6 \\ /
( 7 )
\ '--' /
\_ ._/
__) (__
/"`/`\`V/`\`\
/ \ `Y _/_ \
/ [DR]\_ |/ / /\
| ( \/ / / /
\ \ \ /
\ `-/` _.`
jgs `=. `=./
`"`
>Four-Letter Surgery
Jerry is recovering from day surgery when a nurse asks him how he is
feeling.
"I'm OK but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in
surgery," he answered.
"What did he say," asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
-<>-
>Tidy Housekeeper?
The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much
until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat
dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone
number written on it."
-<>-
>Sunday Morning
Picture it: rural area, Sunday morning, church is packed and the devil
decides to pay a visit.
The doors burst open, and a roiling black cloud rolls in with the devil
in its midst. People jump out of the pews and run outdoors, screaming -
all except for two. One is the Pastor, the other is an elderly farmer.
Satan is a bit perplexed. He points to the Pastor and says, "You! I can
understand why you didn't run away, you are in your Lord's house, you
preach against me everyday and you aren't afraid of me. But YOU (points
to the farmer), why didn't you run out scared like everyone else?"
The farmer crosses one leg over the other and drawls, "Why, I'm
surprised you don't recognize me...I've been married to your sister
for 36 years!"
==================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Becky :)
|
--====|====--
|
.-"""""-.
.'_________'.
/_/_|__|__|_\_\
;'-._ _.-';
,--------------------| `-. .-' |--------------------,
``""--..__ ___ ; ' ; ___ __..--""``
jgs `"-// \\.._\ /_..// \\-"`
\\_// '._ _.' \\_//
`"` ``---`` `"`
>Wake Up Call
Luke AFB is west of Phoenix and is rapidly being surrounded by
civilization that complains about the noise from the base and its
planes, forgetting that it was there long before they were. A certain
lieutenant colonel at Luke AFB deserves a big pat on the back.
Apparently, an individual who lives somewhere near Luke AFB wrote the
local paper complaining about a group of F-16s that disturbed his/her
day at the mall.
When that individual read the response from a Luke AFB officer, it must
Have stung quite a bit.
The complaint:
'Question of the day for Luke Air Force Base:
Whom do we thank for the morning air show? Last Wednesday, at precisely
9:11 A.M, a tight formation of four F-16 jets made a low pass over
Arrowhead Mall, continuing west over Bell Road at approximately 500
feet. Imagine our good fortune! Do the Tom Cruise-wannabes feel we need
this wake-up call, or were they trying to impress the cashiers at
Mervyns early bird special?
Any response would be appreciated.
The response:
Regarding 'A wake-up call from Luke's jets' On June 15, at precisely
9:12 a.m., a perfectly timed four- ship fly by of F-1 6s from the 63rd
Fighter Squadron at Luke Air Force Base flew over the grave of Capt.
Jeremy Fresques. Capt Fresques was an Air Force officer who was
previously stationed at Luke Air Force Base and was killed in Iraq on
May 30, Memorial Day.
At 9 a. m. on June 15, his family and friends gathered at Sunland
Memorial Park in Sun City to mourn the loss of a husband, son and
friend. Based on the letter writer's recount of the fly by, and because
of the jet noise, I'm sure you didn't hear the 21-gun salute, the
playing of taps, or my words to the widow and parents of Capt. Fresques
as I gave them their son's flag on behalf of the President of the United
States and all those veterans and servicemen and women who understand
the sacrifices they have endured..
A four-ship fly by is a display of respect the Air Force gives to those
who give their lives in defense of freedom. We are professional aviators
and take our jobs seriously, and on June 15 what the letter writer
witnessed was four officers lining up to pay their ultimate respects.
The letter writer asks, 'Whom do we thank for the morning air show? The
56th Fighter Wing will make the call for you, and forward your thanks to
the widow and parents of Capt Fresques, and thank them for you, for it
was in their honor that my pilots flew the most honorable formation of
their lives.
Only 2 defining forces have ever offered to die for you
....Jesus Christ and the American Soldier.
One died for your soul, the other for your freedom.
Lt. Col. Grant L. Rosensteel, Jr.
USAF
---
...Thank You Becky! Gotta Love Our Troops!!
Reminds me of these two...
Proud of Our Troops 3
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops3.html
Proud of Our Troops 4
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops4.html
Thank God for Them, And May God Always Bless Them And Their Families!
This one is true!
http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/wakeup.asp
=====================================================================
>-->In The WorldlyNews:
[POLITICS]
>From Patriot Update
VIDEO: Obama Doesn't Want You to Watch This
http://tinyurl.com/37u6gz4
EXPOSED: Democrat Party's History of Hate & Racism
http://tinyurl.com/3acq39l
VIDEO: Obama Openly Mocks God & Bible
http://tinyurl.com/2d9mjpq
---
...Irritating to say the least! Did Obama forget about this?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoiswe.html
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Anybody want to get married? Two Montanans repeatedly take
marriage vows without the benefit of divorce, but they aren't
polygamists; they are proxies for absent brides and grooms.
Montana is the only state that allows a double-proxy wedding,
meaning both sides can be no-shows. Kalispell, Mont., began
taking advantage of this quirk about five years ago, when a
native son serving in Iraq wanted to marry his pregnant girl-
friend.
Some research by lawyer Dean Knapton and -- viola! -- Friday
afternoon nuptials were born.
The law had been on Montana's books for several decades, per-
haps to accommodate soldiers during World War II.
The cost to the real, albeit absent, bride and groom: $900,
of which $50 apiece goes to the proxies, $100 to the judge,
$150 to the lawyer-witness; $53 for court fees; $14 for two
certified copies of the marriage certificate. The rest goes
to a Pennsylvania couple who run a business facilitating
proxy marriages.
-- Deputies find goat in trunk at checkpoint --------
BEDFORD, Va. - Authorities in Virginia said they found a
goat bound in the trunk of a car stopped at a drunken-
driving checkpoint. The Bedford County Sheriff's Office
said a deputy heard knocking sounds coming from the
trunk of a car being driven by Fiona Ann Enderdy, 32, of
Washington at the Bedford County-Campbell County line
checkpoint, the Lynchburg (Va.) News Advance reported
Tuesday. Deputies said Enderdy told deputies the sounds
were coming from a goat and the animal was found panting
heavily in the trunk. The sheriff's office said an animal
control officer working at the checkpoint measured the
temperature in the trunk at 94 degrees after it had already
been open for 10 minutes. The goat was given water and
taken to the Bedford County pound, deputies said. Enderdy,
who was charged with cruelty to an animal and released,
told deputies she purchased the goat from a farmer for
the passengers in her car, four Lynchburg residents
originally from Kenya.
-- Police: Man thought house was B&B -----------
HIGGANUM, Conn. - Connecticut State Police said a man they
believe was on drugs mistook a home for a bed and breakfast
and went to sleep in a bedroom. Police said a Higganum
couple told them they were spending time with relatives in
their home when a family member went inside and found a
credit card on the stairs, The Hartford (Conn.) Courant
reported. Investigators said they found Walker Bruce, 45,
asleep in a bedroom. Bruce told them he had mistaken the
house for a bed and breakfast and left his credit card on
the stairs as payment. Police said Bruce appeared disorient-
ed and is believed to have been under the influence of
drugs. Bruce was charged with third-degree burglary and
taken to Middlesex Clinic in Essex for examination.
-- Man says gun made him robbery target -----------
MILWAUKEE - A Milwaukee man known by locals for openly
displaying his handgun on a hip holster says he is giving
up open carry after he was robbed at gunpoint. The 34-year-
old man, who asked not to be named, said he believes openly
displaying his handgun as allowed by law made him a target
for the robbery and he sees it as evidence of the need for
a concealed carry law, WTMJ-AM, Milwaukee, reported.
Neighbors said the man was always carrying the weapon when
they spotted him and he was known locally as "the guy with
the gun." "It was kind of scary to just see him walking
around all the time with that gun kind of just out in the
open," neighbor Shambria Mayham Autman said. "I think he
was trying to scare people off like, 'Yeah, don't mess
with me,' kind of attitude, but it didn't work." Nik
Clark, the president of Wisconsin Carry, said he has
never heard of a similar incident happening to any of the
hundreds of thousands of people in the state who open
carry. "So it really is a very unusual situation, very
unique," Clark said.
======================================================
[POLITICS]
>-->From Our Friend Del )
.-.
## )
*
_.-+*'`*+-._
,## _ _ #.
;### ((.;;.)) ##:
.=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=,
>##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###<
---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l
`-""-'
>DEATH OF THE OLD COW
Suddenly, a cow jumps out into the road, they hit it full on,
and the car comes to a stop. Nancy, in her usual charming
manner, using her normal hand signals as she speaks, says to
her chauffeur "You get out and check--you were driving."
So the chauffeur gets out, checks, and reports that the animal
is indeed dead but it was really old.
"You were driving, so you go and tell the farmer," says Nancy.
Two hours later the chauffeur returns totally plastered, hair
ruffled with a big grin on his face.
"My Gosh, what happened to you?" asks Nancy.
The chauffeur replies, "When I got there, the farmer opened his
best bottle of malt whiskey, the wife gave me a fantastic meal
and the daughter made love to me."
"What on earth did you tell them?" asks Nancy .
"I just knocked on the door and when it opened I said to them, "I'm
Nancy Pelosi's chauffeur, and I've just killed the old cow."
---
...My OH My! LOL! Thanks Del!
====================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Sandi :)
Two tooth brushes
___ ___
/\ ..\_ _/ /\
\/\ _) (_'' /\/
\/\ o\ / . /\/
\/\_ ) ( _/\/
Faucet \/_)( )(_\/
____ (__\______________/__)
|___|\ |\ \ / /|
| \ Tube of | \ \ / / |
| \ toothpaste | \ \ / / |
| \ ___ | \ \ / / |
____ | \ ____ / _ \ ______ | \ \ / / |
/|_||\|________\/|_||\___ / // // \ \ | \ \ / / |
_________________________\-\ \_// \/-__ -\__ \__)(__/ __/------
\_________ / |||| [][][][][][][][][]
""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""""
unknown
>Little Johnny...
The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on
productive salesmanship. Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout
cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to
appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for
my obvious success."
"Very good," said the teacher. Little Jenny was next: "I sold
magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that
magazines would keep them up on current events."
"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.. Eventually, it was Little
Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath ... Little Johnny walked to
the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the
teacher's desk. "$2,467." he said.
"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"
"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough
tooth brushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a
Dip & Chip stand, I gave everybody who walked by a free sample. They
all said the same thing, 'Hey, this tastes like dog s*&!' Then I would
say, 'It is dog poo. Wanna buy a toothbrush?'
'I used the governmental approach of giving you something gross that
they say is good, and then making you pay to get that yucky taste out
of your mouth.'"
---
...OH NO!! HaHa! Thanks Sandi!
================================================================
>-->From The Jokester:
*8o,
8 : 8
8 : 8
8 : 8 |~~\_____/~~\__ |
-cfbd- 8 : 8 ______________________ \N1____====== )-+
8 : 8 ~~~|/~~ |
8 : 8 ()
8 : 8
,8o,"' aircraft by
// -Wil Dixon-
~~
"Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a bananna."
- Groucho Marx
>When Insults Had Class
When Insults Had Class (no 4-letter words!!) These glorious insults are
from an era when cleverness with words was still valued, before a great
portion of the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words, not
to mention waving middle fingers.
The exchange between Churchill & Lady Astor:
She said, "If you were my husband I'd give you poison,"
and he said, "If you were my wife, I'd drink it."
A member of Parliament to Disraeli:
"Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable
disease."
"That depends, Sir," said Disraeli, "whether I embrace your
policies or your mistress."
"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr
"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire."
- Winston Churchill
"A modest little person, with much to be modest about."
- Winston Churchill
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries
with great pleasure."
- Clarence Darrow
"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader
to the dictionary."
- William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingwway).
"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big
words?"
- Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulknner)
"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it."
- Moses Hadas
"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man
I know."
- Abraham Lincoln
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of it."
- Mark Twain
"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends."
- Oscar Wilde
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play;
bring a friend.... if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchiill
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second...
if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
"He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
- Irvin S. Cobb
"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson
"He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up."
- Paul Keating
"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure."
- Jack E. Leonard
"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt."
- Robert Redford
"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum
of human knowledge."
- Thomas Brackett Reed
"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily."
- Charles, Count Talleyrand
"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him."
- Forrest Tucker
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any
address on it?"
- Mark Twain
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde
"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support
rather than illumination."
- Andrew Lang (1844-1912)
"He has Van Gogh's ear for music."
- Billy Wilder
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening.
But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx
"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."
- Mae West
---
...Ooo Gotta love Mae West! ;)
=================================================================
>-->From The MouthPiece:
%%%; * *
| %%%; %%%~%%%; . . *
# |__/__%%%____/_/~%;% .
___%%;______%%;% . * *
" " /~ %-// \ \__%#%%_-%%;`
| ~%-/_%` \ \_/%%#%%` .
# | %%%#% \__/%%#%%;%`,
"| ;%%%;` * .
| * (
| #| * . .
|| . . . .
| . ` ' ` *
# | .'''. ' .'''. *
"| * . .. ' ' .. .
' | * ' '.'.' ' .
| .'''.'.'''.
" | .----------. ' .''.'.''. '
| |__________| . . : . .
|_{}_{}/|__________|\{}_{}_{} _'___':'___'_ {}_{}_{}_{}_{}_{}_{}_{}
' #| || ||/____________\|| || ||(_____________)|| || || || || || || ||
lc'\""""""|| ||""""""""""""( )"""""""""""""""""""""""""""
""""" | | _) (_ .^-^. ~""~
~""~ (_______)~~"""~~ '._.'
~~""~~ ~""~ .' '.
'.,.'
`'`'
----------------- Bumper Stickers ---------------------
* We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?
* He who laughs last thinks slowest.
* Auntie Em, Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog...
Dorothy
* Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
* I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.
* Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
* OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
* Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it.
* I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of
it.
* Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW..
* A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited
inventory.
* Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
* Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
* Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
* There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those
who can't.
==============================================================
>-->I'm a sucker for mystery thrillers!
__.------.
(__ ___ )
.)e )\ /
/_.------
_/_ _/
__.' / ' `-.__
/ <.--' `\
/ \ \c |
/ / ) GoT x \
| /\ |c / \.- \
\__/ ) /( ( \ <>'\
/ _/ _\- `-. \/_|_ /<>
/ /--/,-\ _ \ <>.`.
\/`--\_._) - / `-/\ `.\
/ `. / ) `\
\ \ \___/----'
| / `(
___________ \ ./\_ _ \
______________ / | ) '|
__________________ | / \ \ ___________a:f
/ | |____.)
/ \ a88a\___/88888a.
\_ :)8888888888888888888a.
/` `-----' `Y88888888888888888
\____| `88888888888P'
>From our friend Lisa Gardner:
The Neighbor is now available in paperback!
Do you know him? He's not unfriendly, but you won't get much more
than a "hello." He keeps to himself. Everyone knows who he is, but
nobody knows anything about him. He could be your neighbor.
In South Boston, a young, beautiful mother disappears without a trace,
leaving behind her four-year-old daughter as the only witness and her
handsome husband as the prime suspect. But there's someone else who
could fall under suspicion... Detective D.D. Warren is on the case.
http://tinyurl.com/38ljr42
===============================================================\
>-->From CleanLaffs:
.=.,
;c =\
__| _/
.'-'-._/-'-._
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A Real Man
A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never stand
her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when
she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.
He will inspire her to do things she never thought she
could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will
enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to
her most intimate desires. He will make sure she always
feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the
room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy,
seductive, and invincible.
No wait... sorry... I'm thinking of wine.
Never mind.
-<>-
I'm dyslexic, and attended a conference about the disorder
with a friend. The speakers asked us to share a personal
experience with the group. I told them stress aggravates
my condition, in which I reverse words and letters when I'm
tense.
When I finished speaking, my friend leaned over and whispered
to me, "Now I know why you named your daughter Hannah."
-<>-
When the famous politician and orator William Jennings Bryan
(1860-1925) was a young man, he went to the home of the
father of his prospective wife to ask him for her hand in
marriage. Bryan was determined to impress the father by
quoting from the Bible, and he chose Proverbs 18:22: "He who
finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the
LORD."
Bryan was unnerved when the father replied by quoting Paul:
"So then he that giveth her in marriage doeth well; but he
that giveth her not in marriage doeth better."
(1 Corinthians 7:38)
Bryan, never at a loss for words, said: "Yes, but Paul had
no wife and Solomon had 700. Therefore, I believe Solomon
ought to be the better judge as to marriage."
-<>-
(.,------...__
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jro
At the beginning of the school year, one seventh grader was
reflecting on his chance at being the 8th grade valedictorian.
He said his dad was valedictorian, his mom was valedictorian,
and his sister was also valedictorian. He paused, leaned back
in his chair and said, "Looks like the end of an era!"
-<>-
As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was
sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides.
The assistant district attorney asked such questions as: Had
I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant?
The defense attorney took a different approach, however.
"I see you are a teacher," he said. "What do you teach?"
"English and theater," I responded.
"I guess I better watch my grammar," the defense attorney
quipped.
"No," I shot back. "You better watch your acting."
When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused
from the case.
Soon after we were married, my husband, Paul, stopped wearing
his wedding band.
"Why don't you ever wear your ring?" I asked.
"It cuts off my circulation," Paul replied.
"I know," I said. "It's supposed to."
==============================================================
>-->From SermondFodder:
>Flu Symptoms
At the school where my mother worked, the two first-grade
teachers were Miss Paine and Mrs. Hacking. One morning the
mother of a student called in the middle of a flu epidemic
to excuse her daughter from school.
"Is she in Paine or Hacking?" the school secretary asked.
"She feels fine," said the Mom with a somewhat confused
expression in her voice. "Her grandparents are in for a
visit, and I'm keeping her home for the day."
-<>-
>A Day at the Hardware Store
After a long day of cleaning, my son and I were returning our rented
carpet cleaner to the hardware store.
Back at the car, I glanced at the receipt and realized they had charged
me for the cleaning liquid but not for the rental.
Let the rationalizations begin. "I'm so tired from cleaning. The line is
so long. I don't want to drag my son back in there. They've already made
money off of me."
A still, small voice answered, "Are you a man of integrity, or not? If
you aren't faithful in this little thing, how can you be trusted with
big things?"
A momentary struggle ensued -- would I sell my integrity for $16?
"Come on, Jeremy," I said to my son. "We're going back inside." I
didn't want to sacrifice my integrity for $16 million, let alone 16
dollars.
What about you? Have you had a critical moment lately that challenged
your integrity? Remember, integrity is doing what's right, even when no
one but God knows the outcome.
>From www.integrityresource.org
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jgs '---'
...Yeah. Besides. Guess who is watching you every minute of the day?
Not like 'no one will know'. God is a one and so are you!
AND just who paid the price for all your sins?
-----------------
>-->From Laugh And Lift:
, ,
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jgs '---'
>GRACE (Author Unknown) [edited]
The boy stood with back arched, head cocked back and hands clenched
defiantly. "Go ahead, give it to me." The principal looked down at the
young rebel. "How many times have you been here?" The child sneered
rebelliously, "Apparently not enough."
The principal gave the boy a strange look. "And you have been punished
each time have you not?" "Yeah, I been punished, if that's what you want
to call it." He threw out his small chest, "Go ahead I can take whatever
you dish out. I always have." "And no thought of your punishment enters
your head the next time you decide to break the rules does it?" "Nope, I
do whatever I want to do. Ain't nothin you people gonna do to stop me
either."
The principal looked over at the teacher who stood nearby. "What did he
do this time?" "Fighting. He took little Tommy and shoved his face into
the sandbox." The principal turned to look at the boy, "Why? What did
little Tommy do to you?" "Nothin, I didn't like the way he was lookin at
me, just like I don't like the way your lookin at me! And if I thought I
could do it, I'd shove your face into something."
The teacher stiffened and started to rise but a quick look from the
principal stopped him. He contemplated the child for a moment and then
quietly said, "Today my young student, is the day you learn about
grace." "Grace? Isn't that what you old people do before you sit down to
eat? I don't need none of your stinkin grace." "Oh but you do." The
principal studied the young man's face and whispered. "Oh yes, you truly
do..."
The boy continued to glare as the principal continued, "Grace, in its
short definition is unmerited favor. You can not earn it, it is a gift
and is always freely given. It means that you will not be getting what
you so richly deserve." The boy looked puzzled. "You're not gonna whup
me? You just gonna let me walk?"
The principal looked down at the unyielding child. "Yes, I am going to
let you walk." The boy studied the face of the principal, "No punishment
at all? Even though I socked Tommy and shoved his face into the
sandbox?" "Oh, there has to be punishment. What you did was wrong and
there are always consequences to our actions. There will be punishment.
Grace is not an excuse for doing wrong."
"I knew it," sneered the boy as he held out his hands. "Let's get on
with it." The principal nodded toward the teacher. "Bring me the belt."
The teacher presented the belt to the principal.
He carefully folded it in two and then handed it back to the teacher. He
looked at the child and said. "I want you to count the blows." He slid
out from behind his desk and walked over to stand directly in front of
the young man. He gently reached out and folded the child's
outstretched, expectant hands together and then turned to face the
teacher with his own hands outstretched.
One quiet word came forth from his mouth. "Begin." The belt whipped down
on the outstretched hands of the principal.
Crack! The young man jumped ten feet in the air. Shock registered across
his face, "One" he whispered. Crack! "Two." His voice raised an octave.
Crack! "Three..." He couldn't believe this. Crack! "Four." Big tears
welled up in the eyes of the rebel. "OK stop! That's enough. Stop!"
Crack! Came the belt down on the callused hands of the principal.
Crack! The child flinched with each blow, tears beginning to stream down
his face. Crack! Crack! "No please", the former rebel begged, "Stop, I
did it, I'm the one who deserves it. Stop! Please. Stop..." Still the
blows came, Crack! Crack! One after another. Finally it was over.
The principal stood with sweat glistening across his forehead and beads
trickling down his face. Slowly he knelt down. He studied the young man
for a second and then his swollen hands reached out to cradle the face
of the weeping child.
"Grace... Just like the grace God showed us through His son Jesus
Christ who gave his life for us. That's grace."
SUBSCRIBE INFO
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in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all
about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com
===================================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
What Is Love?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wlove1.html
God Is Like...
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/godislike.html
Top Reasons To Smile!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/smile.html
True Duck Tale!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/duck.html
Tigerfish!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tigerfish.html
Flower Dog Art!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flowerart2.html
It's A dog's World!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogsworld.html
Cat In A Box!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catinbox.html
-<>-
>Please Visit These To Get New Traffic Foir Shangrala :)
Wild Boar Hunter Game
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=41508&s=n
Diary of a Mad Cat
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=40950&s=n
Two Blondes At A Bus Stop
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=6458&s=n
Bad Start to Week
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=32910&s=n
Tom & Jerry Cartoons
http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=35995&s=n
-<>-
>From Our Friend Wesley :)
Alice.com
http://www.alice.com/
Hunt Midwest
http://tinyurl.com/3a5q2eo
SubTropolis - Warehouse Space
http://tinyurl.com/37v9l2b
Let's Say Thanks
http://www.letssaythanks.com/Home1024.html
---
...Awesome! Thanks Wesley!
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
The Magical Wishing Well
http://www.joygreetings.com/wishingwell.htm
Love Thoughts
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/love.html
Hot Air Balloons
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/hotair.html
Domaci Mazlicek
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012118.htm
Drum Girls
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012119.htm
Escape Rescue
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012120.htm
Ever See A Snake Yawn
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012121.htm
Faryl Smith Britain's Got Talent
http://www.buffaloschips.com/012122.htm
cat dog pumpkin
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gkdfgjdkflgfd.htm
car door
http://www.buffaloschips.com/fmksdfjskdfd.htm
cat druggie
http://www.buffaloschips.com/kgfjdkgjdfgdf.htm
cat dvd
http://www.buffaloschips.com/m,kgmdf,gmdfg.htm
cat easter
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ngdfgndlkgfdg.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
================================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"I always look for a woman who has a tattoo. I see a woman
with a tattoo, and I'm thinking, okay, here's a gal who's
capable of making a decision she'll regret in the future."
--Richard Jeni
"I worry about my health because I grew up on the tail end
of the baby boom generation, and we were just pumped full
of chemicals. Every time they came up with a new one, it
was like, 'Put it on cereal, keep it crunchy. Hey, put out
the light, my teeth are glowing!' Now my whole generation
is eating tree bark to clean ourselves out." --Jack Coen
"There's always one of my uncles who watches a boxing match
with me and says, "Sure. Ten million dollars. You know, for
that kind of money, I'd fight him." As if someone is going
to pay $200 a ticket to see a 57-year-old carpet salesman
get hit in the face once and cry. --Larry Miller
"I tried to make money as a kid. I had a lemonade stand for
about six weeks. I made no money. I had to burn it down and
collect insurance." --Brian Kiley
"Whenever tourists come to New York City, they always have
two questions. First, 'Where can we get something to eat?'
And second, 'What is that smell?'" -David Letterman
"They say it now costs $250,000 to raise a child to age 18,
and that doesn't count college, which is like $50,000 a
year. So kids, if you want to give dad a great Father's Day
gift, run away." -Jimmy Kimmel
"This is the first time that two women have been on the
International Space Station at the same time. That can
only mean one thing: zero-gravity pillow fight."
- Craig Ferguson
"The state of New York recently approved the sale of 192-
proof alcohol. Or, for an extra dollar, the liquor store
clerk can just punch you in the liver."
- Jimmy Fallon
"A death row inmate from Utah was executed by firing
squad. The guy had a choice and he chose a firing squad.
The other option was watching 'The Bachelorette'."
- Jay Leno
"I have particularly vivid memories of Iowa summers because
my father was the last person in the Midwest to buy an
air conditioner. He thought they were unnatural. He thought
anything that cost more than $30 was unnatural."
--Bill Bryson from "I'm a Stranger Here Myself"
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->Pass this on as it should be of interrest to all who served.
The study was carried out in Austrialia on their Vietnam Veterans.
ABC Nat. Radio Health Report Autralian Vietnam Vets:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/HealthReportVV.mp3
VV
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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