Two Texans, Sheriff Joe, And More... :) Shangy!
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Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
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================
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-<>-
* NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or
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You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in
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================
>-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
Today we have two smoking hotties!
The first one is from our friends Karen and Bunni.
This has lots of Ooos and Awws to delight you! Check
it out here...
.==-. .-==.
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(88" ::. \./ .:: "88)
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""--' `--"" hjw
Beautiful Butterflies!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/butterflies.html
---
...Love this! Thanks Ladies!
Paul's mom always would take me around her farm house
showing me all her plants. She told me to grow dill if
I wanted to have butterflies. I did and after the first
year it came up by itself year after year. The kids
grew up with the cute little caterpillars and would put
one of their cocoons in a glass jar to watch them
emerge. One year my son found one that we weren't sure
what it was. What a delight when it emerged and we saw
hundreds of little praying mantis! So much fun we had!
Our Next super hot one comes from our friends LouiseA,
Karen and Geniann. Again a delightful one about one
of our best loved little wild creatures! Check it
out here...
__
.--.;_.'-.
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World Of Squirrels!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worldofsquirrels.html
---
...Awww, so adorable! Thanks Ladies!
My grandma was a Park Ranger. She saved a flying squirrel
once and while it recuperated she had it at her house. She
loved that squirrel. Paul has had one bring him nuts. He
puts it right in Paul's ashtray outside for him. He could
have put it anywhere on the porch so we think it was a gift
so Paul would give him more bread. One time when Paul didn't
trade him, the squirrel just took the nut away the next day.
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: The Big Decision
One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out
and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd
like to talk about or ask me?"
"Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."
"That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your
family?"
"Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."
()-()
/o o\
_\ Y /_ .--.
_ O__`&`__0 /____\
,_(')< / \ [B] \~~~~/
jgs \___) ()/^\() [A][C] '--'
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
September 8 is National Date Nut Bread Day And 8 Pardon Day
September 9 is Teddy Bear Day
September 10 is Sewing Machine Day and Swap Ideas Day
September 11 is Make Your Bed Day and No News is Good News Day
September 12 is Chocolate Milk Shake Day
September 13 is Fortune Cookie Day and National Peanut Day
September 14 is National Cream-Filled Donut Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
.--.
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>Defrosting the Turkey
We visited our newly married daughter, who was preparing her first
dinner.
I noticed the turkey thawing in the kitchen sink with a dish drainer
inverted over the bird. I asked why a drainer covered the turkey.
Our daughter turned to my wife and said, "Mom, you always did it that
way."
"Yes," my wife replied, "but you don't have a cat!"
-<>-
>Flattering Clothes
After giving birth, I couldn't lose the 40 pounds I'd gained. So I
dragged my husband to the mall in search of more flattering clothes.
We were encouraged by a sign over a rack of suits: "Instantly hides ten
pounds!"
"Look," he said. "You just need to buy four of these."
-<>-
>Military Haircut
Our first stop as new recruits was the barber shop.
"Want to keep your sideburns?" the barber asked.
"Yes, that would be great," I said.
"Okay, I'll get you a bag to put them in."
-<>-
>Secret Party
The workers in a large office were making secret plans to stage a big
office party for the 70-year old cleaning woman who had spent the
better part of her life with the company.
Somehow the secret leaked out and the woman got wind of it. Much
perturbed, she rushed to the office manager. "Please sir," she cried,
"Do not let them do it! Do not let them do it!"
"Oh, come now, Mrs. Smith, you must not be so modest. After all, they
simply want to show how much you are appreciated."
"Appreciated, my foot," exclaimed the woman. "I am NOT going to clean
up after a mess like that!"
-<>-
>Vehicle Inspection
I had moved to South Carolina from New York and at that time, a vehicle
inspection was required to register my car. I was nervous. My car was
in rough shape. I remembered New York State's rigorous inspections. Any
number of problems might turn up that would be expensive to fix.
I drove down a country road and found a garage that had an inspection
sign. When I told the mechanic what I needed, he circled the car,
turned on the lights and honked the horn.
Then he attached a new sticker and asked me for the three dollar fee. I
was shocked. "Is that all you have to do"? I asked.
He answered, "Well, you drove it here, didn't you"?
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
>SMILES
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Storm
Two Texans are sitting on a plane from Dallas and an old Jewish man is
sitting between them. The first Texan says, "My name is Roger. I own
250,000 acres. I have 1,000 head of cattle and they call my place The
Jolly Roger."
The second Texan says, "My name is John. I own 350,000 acres. I have
5,000 head of cattle and they call my place Big John's."
They both look down at the little old Jewish man who says, "My name is
Irving and I own only 300 acres."
Roger looks down at him and says, "300 Acres? What do you raise?"
"Nothing," says Irving.
"Well then, what do you call it?" asked John.
"Downtown Dallas."
--------
Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team. Unfortunately, they
lost race after race. Even though they practice and practice four
hours daily, they never manage to come in any better than dead last.
Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its captain, to spy
on Harvard, the perennial championship team.
So Morris schlepps off to Cambridge, Mass., and hides in the bushes
next to the Charles River, where he carefully watches the Harvard team
at its daily practice. After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva.
"Well, I figured out their secret," he announces.
"What? Tell us! Tell us!" his teammates shout.
"We should have only ONE guy yelling. The other eight should be
rowing."
--------
A state trooper pulled a farmer over for speeding, and he was quite
rude about it. As he wrote ticket he swatted at some flies buzzing
around his head.
Farmer: "Having some problems with circle flies there are ya?"
Trooper: "Is that what they are? I've never heard of circle flies."
Farmer: "They're common 'round here. We call 'em circle flies because
they mostly circle round the back end of a horse."
Trooper: "Hey! Are you trying to call me a horse's behind?"
Farmer: "Oh no, officer! I have too much respect for law enforcement."
(...long pause...)
Farmer: "...Hard to fool them flies, though."
-------
Sunday school teacher Ms. Brown had a class of five-year-olds. She
began the lesson by saying, "Today we are going to study about Peter.
Can anybody tell me who Peter was?"
A little lad in the back of the group raised his hand.
"Oh, how nice," Ms. Brown said. "Billy knows. Billy, please come up
front and tell the class who Peter was."
Billy quickly came to the front and said with great pride in his voice,
"I fink he was a wabbit."
--------
On a lonely, moonlit country road a young man's car engine started to
cough.
Immediately pulling over to a scenic little spot he said to the young
lady next to him, "That's funny, I wonder what that knocking noise was?"
"I'll tell you one thing for sure," said the girl coolly, "It wasn't
opportunity."
--------
A drunk gets on a bus. The driver, impatient while the drunk fumbles
in his pocket for change, drives off. As the bus starts rolling, the
drunk reacts to the sudden movement by stumbling all the way to the
back of the bus. The bus stops at the next stop. He reacts by stumbling
to the front of the bus.
Still the man is fumbling in his pockets for change. The bus jerks
forward once again, and the drunk stumbles uncontrollably to the back
of the bus. Next stop, the same thing happens. Every time the bus
stops, the man would stagger to the front. Every time the bus starts,
he staggers uncontrollably to the back.
A few stops later the drunk exits the bus from the front.
"Hey", shouts the bus driver... "You didn't pay your fare yet!"
The drunk, reeling, shouts back "Why should I?!..... I walked all the
way!"
-------
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire
become a great writer.
When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the
whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly
emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain
and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages
---
...LMAO! Good ones! Thanks LouiseA!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Linda :)
.---.
(_---_)
(_/6 6\_)
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jgs / \ (`--"""-')
/ \ (=-=-=-=-)
`--...___ ___...--' (________)
>On Retirement
Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday
Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.
Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.
Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.
Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.
Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.
Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.
Question: What is the common term for a senior who still works and
refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!
Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or
garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will
want to store stuff there. Or move back in there . . .
Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.
Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break…spiked !
Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a
retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.
Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses
the people he worked with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
And, Perhaps the most telling....
QUESTION: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING. Saturday & Sunday, I rest.
-<>-
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>ON OLD AGE:
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the
very elderly widow and asked,
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied..
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented..
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?'
the reporter asked
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs
I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness
club and start exercising. I decided to take an
aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and
perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my
leotards on, the class was over.
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and
told her preacher she had two final requests.
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'
THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6,
maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your
friends if you can remember who they are!
Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old,
You grow old because you stop laughing
---
...Rich! LOL! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
[Politics]
___
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| | | / / | | | | || |m1a
>I'm Tired!
I'm 83. Except for brief period in the 50s when I was doing my
National Service, I've worked hard since I was 17. Except for some
serious health challenges, I put in 50-hour weeks, and didn't call in
sick in nearly 40 years.
I made a reasonable salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income,
and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, it looks as though
retirement was a bad idea, and I'm tired. Very tired.
I'm tired of being told that I have to 'spread the wealth' to people
who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government
will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to
people too lazy to earn it.
I'm tired of being told that Islam is a 'Religion of Peace,' when every
day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters,
wives and daughters for their family 'honour'; of Muslims rioting over
some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because
they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of
Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of
Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of
Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to.
I'm tired of being told that out of 'tolerance for other cultures' we
must let Saudi Arabia and other Arab countries use our oil money to
fund mosques and madrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in Australia,
New Zealand, UK, America and Canada, while no one from these countries
are allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi
Arabia or any other Arab country to teach love and tolerance.
I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global
warming, which no one is allowed to debate.
I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must
help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a
giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder
up their noses or stick a needle in their arm while they tried to fight
It off?
I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of
all parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or
youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was
getting caught.
I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor.
I'm really tired of people who don't take responsibility for their
lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or
discrimination or big-whatever for their problems.
I'm also tired and fed up with seeing young men and women in their
teens and early 20s be-deck themselves in tattoos and face studs,
thereby making themselves un-employable and claiming money from the
Government.
Yes, I'm darn tired. But I'm also glad to be 83. Because, mostly, I'm
not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just
sorry for my granddaughters and their children. Thank God I'm on the
way out and not on the way in.
There is no way this will be widely publicized, unless each of us sends
it on! This is your chance to make a difference.
From Snopes.com:
Issues the author is 'tired of' hearing about was penned by Robert
A. Hall, a former Massachusetts state senator and U.S. MarineCorps
veteran. See the details here...
http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/imtired.asp
---
...A good one! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From BizarreNews:
If you have ever wished you could just lock your wife up in
a box, you might have something in common with the man in
today's story.
An Indiana man is accused of forcing his wife into S
slavery. A pessimist might think that that is basically
what marriage is to begin with, but Kenneth Eugene Harden
took things a little too far.
Harden's wife told police she met him online last year
through Craigslist. He said he was a Godly man and they
both talked about how much the Bible meant to them.
They soon married. A few months later, she said Harden
revealed he's a sadist.
What started out as experimentation in the bedroom escalated
into abuse. Not only would he lead her around with a collar
on - prosecutors said he would force her head and hands into
a wooden box after her child went to school.
She told police there were also times he would duct tape or
tie her up all day.
Charging documents go into graphic detail of the S abuse,
all while she hoped and prayed someone would hear her through
the apartment walls.
"We could hear them fighting sometimes and we heard a lot of
loud noises upstairs, but I never thought anything of it,"
a neighbor said, who lives below the apartment where the
alleged abuse occurred.
Police initially arrested Harden on domestic battery charges
and he is being held on a $100,000 bond.
-<>-
A Colorado woman says she was texting and driving when
she hit a pole that went through her car, piercing her
thigh and buttocks.
Elizabeth firefighters had to saw off the front and back
end of the pole to get the woman out.
Christina Jahnz says she was in the parking lot of Elizabeth
Middle School to deliver her daughter's saxophone, which had
been left at home. As she was driving away from the school,
Jahnz started texting her friend.
"I was running late for a business meeting, so I did a voice
text. I looked down to make sure it was all right. The next
thing I knew, I was looking up, there was white powder from
the air bags deployed," Jahnz said.
Then, Jahnz realized that the guardrail pole went through
the front of her truck, through her buttocks and into the
back of her seat. Elizabeth firefighters rushed to the
scene, where she says they used a saw to cut the front and
back end of the pole before rushing her to the hospital.
"I went into surgery and I lost count of the stitches after
40. They stitched me up inside too. I'm truly a miracle.
They said if it gone just a little bit the other way I would
have bled out," Jahnz said.
Jahnz was released after a four-day stay in the hospital.
She will be able to get around with the help of a walker
and is expected to make a full recovery.
Jahnz says even though she was going 20 mph and looked
down for only a split second, she has learned a lesson she
will never forget.
*-- Stripper mom of missing Florida child tells cops: 'I have
to get on stage' --*
HUDSON, Fla. (UPI) - A 29-year-old stripper in Florida is
facing some serious charges after deputies said she hung
up on them. The Pasco County Sheriff's office said they
were searching for her missing 10-year-old daughter.
Bobbey Jo Boucher reportedly told a deputy when they
called her "I have to get on stage" and hung up the phone.
Boucher is an entertainer at Calendar Girls. Deputies
started the search for the missing girl when they said
the girl's grandmother called them when she did not come
home from a barbecue up the street. Boucher reportedly
left the child at the barbecue as she went to work, and
deputies said she was the last person to see the girl.
The child was later found safe and sound. Boucher was
later found and arrested for resisting an officer and
misdemeanor obstruction. She said she did not hang up on
the deputy but transferred to another call.
*-- Suspect plays with cats during police chase in Florida --*
BOCA RATON, Fla. (UPI) - A man in South Florida stopped in
the middle of being chased by police Friday to ask for
water and pet some cats. Authorities said Daniel
Pinedo-Velapatino, 21, had stolen thousands in cash from
his friend's wallet after a night of drug use. He then
crashed a Lexus into multiple vehicles -- including a
police cruiser -- and a fire hydrant before ditching the
car. Officers from Boca Raton and Delray Beach were
pursuing Velapatino on foot when he showed up at Candice
Noonan's back sliding glass door. "I said, 'Excuse me,
can I help you?'" Noonan told WPBF. "He said, 'Oh, I'm
so sorry. Next door, I'm mowing the lawn. Do you mind if
I have a glass of water?'" When Noonan returned with a
bottle of water, she found the supposed landscaper inside
her house, lying on the floor petting her cats, which she
described as "very odd." "It almost looked like he either
was on drugs or he was mentally handicapped," she said.
Noonan's husband began questioning Velapatino, who fled
the premises. Noonan said they realized what had happened
when they noticed police vehicles passing outside. The
suspect attempted to escape by swimming across the nearby
Intracoastal Waterway but was apprehended by a police
boat. Police said that Velapatino stole the money to pay
back $2,000 to his mother.
*-- Woman weds dog in Hindu ceremony to break curse --*
RANCHI, India (UPI) - An 18-year-old woman in India landed
a loyal husband when she married a dog in a bid to rid
herself of an "evil spell" identified by village elders.
Mangli Munda, 18, who lives with her family in a Jharkland
village, married a stray dog dubbed Sheru in a traditional
Hindu ceremony as a means of lifting a curse that village
elders said would cause the death of any man she married,
Barcroft TV reported. "The village elders told us that we
should organize the wedding as soon as we can," said the
girl's father, Sri Amnmunda. "We had to make sure that the
evil spell is destroyed." Munda said the ceremony was not
exactly her dream wedding. "I am not happy with this
marriage," Munda said. However, she said she is happy the
wedding -- which is not legally binding -- will allow her
to search for a human husband. "Every girl dreams of
marrying a prince," she said. The family said Sheru might
not be Munda's soulmate, but he will now have a place in
their home as a family pet.
*-- Suspect accused neighbor of spying, telepathy --*
AUSTIN, Texas (UPI) - A Texas man accused of attacking his
neighbor allegedly told police the other man was using
"triangulation" to speak to him inside his head. The Austin
Police Department said Steven Anthony Garza, 34, allegedly
entered his neighbor's yard about 7:30 p.m. Aug. 28 and
used "aggressive" hand gestures the neighbor interpreted
as an invitation to fight. Garza allegedly head-butted his
neighbor and broke the antenna of the radio the other man
was using to speak to his father. Police said the neighbor
fled inside his home and Garza then dumped the other man's
radio and remote-controlled drone over a fence, causing
$4,000 in damage to the devices. Garza told officers he
believed his neighbor was using the equipment to spy on
him and the other man was using "triangulation" to speak
inside his head, the arrest report said. Garza was taken
to the Travis County Jail on charges of assault causing
bodily injury and criminal mischief. He was ordered held
in lieu of $10,000 bond.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
()
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()--' '--()
`. .'
/ .. \
jgs ()' '()
>SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN!
You may remember Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona,
who painted the jail cells pink and made the
inmates wear pink prison garb.
WELL, JOE IS AT IT AGAIN !
Oh, there's MUCH more to know about Sheriff Joe !
Maricopa County was spending approx. $18 million dollars a year on
stray animals, like cats and dogs. Sheriff Joe offered to take the
department over, and the County Supervisors said okay.
The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners.
They feed and care for the strays. Every animal in his care
is taken out and walked twice daily. He now has prisoners
who are experts in animal nutrition and behavior. They give great
classes for anyone who'd like to adopt an animal. He has literally
taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of prisoners,
and had them place in dog shows.
The best part?
His budget for the entire department is now under $3 million.
The prisoners get the benefit of about $0.28 an hour for working,
but most would work for free, just to be out of their cells for
the day. Most of his budget is for utilities, building maintenance,
etc. He pays the prisoners out of the fees collected for adopted
animals.
I have long wondered when the rest of the country would take a
look at the way he runs the jail system and copy some of his
ideas. He has a huge farm, donated to the county years ago, where
inmates can work, and they grow most of their own fresh
vegetables and food, doing all the work and harvesting by hand.
He has a pretty good sized hog farm, which provides meat and
fertilizer. It fertilizes the Christmas tree nursery, where
prisoners work, and you can buy a living Christmas tree for
$6 - $8 for the holidays and plant it later.
Yup, he was re-elected last year with 83% of the vote. Now
he's in trouble with the ACLU again. He painted all his buses
and vehicles with a mural that has a special hotline phone number
painted on it, where you can call and report suspected illegal
aliens. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement wasn't doing enough
in his eyes, so he had 40 deputies trained specifically for
enforcing immigration laws, started up his hotline, and bought
4 new buses just for hauling folks back to the border. He's
kind of a 'Git-R-Dun' kind of Sheriff.
TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO..
HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF
AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER.
()
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()--' '--()
`. .'
/ .. \
jgs ()' '()
Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who created the 'Tent City Jail':
** He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and
charges the inmates for them.
** He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jail.
** Took away their weights.
** Cut off all but 'G' movies.
** He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work
on county and city projects.
** Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't
get sued for discrimination.
** He took away cable TV until he found out there was a
federal court order that required cable TV for jails, so
he hooked up the cable TV again, but only left the Disney
channel and the weather channel.
** When asked why the weather channel, he replied, "So
they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working
on my chain gangs."
** He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value.
When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't The
Ritz/Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back."
More on the Arizona Sheriff:
With temperatures being even hotter than usual
in Phoenix (116 degrees just set a new record),
the Associated Press reports:
About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded
tent encampment at the Maricopa County jail have been given
permission to strip down to their government-issued pink
boxer shorts.
On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either
curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents,
which reached 138 degrees inside the week before.
Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as sweat
collected on their chests and dripped down to their PINK SOCKS.
"It feels like we are in a furnace," said James Zanzot, an
inmate who has lived in the TENTS for 1 year. "It's inhumane."
Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city
and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink and eat
bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. He said
Wednesday that he told all of the inmates, "It's 120 degrees
in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and they
have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit any
crimes, so shut your mouths!"
Way to go, Sheriff !
Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a
lot less crime and/or repeat offenders.
Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in
luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and
commit another crime so they can get back in to live on
taxpayers' money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to
have for themselves.
If you agree, pass this on.
If not, just delete it...... but why would you do that?
---
...TeeHee! Might as well get something for our money! Thanks PatDeE!
=========================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_...._
.'.o' o.'.
/o o .o' o'\
|'.o 'o. o'.o|
|o. o' o 'o .|
\ o .o.'o'./
'._o__o_.'
\ /
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jgs ||
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James addressed the ball and took a magnificent swing but
somehow, something went wrong and a horrible slice resulted.
The ball went onto the adjoining fairway and hit a man full
force. He dropped! James and his partner ran up to the
stricken victim who lay, quite unconscious, with the ball
between his feet.
"Good heavens" exclaimed James, "what shall I do?"
"Don't move him!" cautioned his partner. "If we leave him here
he becomes an immovable obstruction and you can either play
the ball as it lies or drop it two club lengths away."
-<>-
Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's
Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in
bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.
But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to
investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating
bacon and eggs.
"It's a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided
to cook our own breakfast."
-<>-
A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving
relationship with your husband. The women were asked, "How
many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their
hands.
Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your
husband you loved him?"
Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't
remember.
The women were then told to take out their cell phones and
text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart."
The women were then told to exchange phones with another
person, and to read aloud the text message they received,
in response.
Here are some of the replies:
1. Who the hell is this?
2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?
3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's up with you?
4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?
5. I don't understand what you mean?
6. What the hell did you do now?
7. You're kidding, right?
8. Don't beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need?
9. Am I dreaming?
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for,
someone will die.
11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day.
(my favorite)
12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?
-<>-
A guy from Brooklyn was in Hong Kong. While passing through
a jewish neighborhood he was surprised to see a synagogue. He
went in and sure enough, he saw a Chinese rabbi and a Chinese
congregation. The service was touching.
As the service ended, the rabbi stood at the door greeting his
congregants. When our Brooklyn friend came up, the Chinese
rabbi said...."You're a Jew?"
"Yes, I'm Jewish," replied the Brooklynite.
"Funny," said the Chinese rabbi. "You don't look it."
-<>-
I began thinking about my own mortality after I became a widow.
One day my daughter called home from college, and I announced
to her, "I think it's time for us to talk about where I would
like to be buried."
"It's way too soon to even think of anything like that," she
snapped indignantly. Then there was a brief silence.
"Wait a minute, did you say married or buried?"
When I repeated buried, she said, "Oh, okay, sure."
-<>-
I deliver pizza to help cover my college tuition. Once I
called on customers who sent their seven-year-old son to
pay me. As he approached the screen door, I noticed he was
carrying a check in one hand and two dollars in the other,
which I assumed was my tip.
To my dismay, he pocketed the bills before handing me the
check, which was for the exact cost of the pizza.
"Could that have been a tip?" I asked, trying not to sound
accusatory.
"Yep," he replied proudly. "not bad for just a walk from the
living room and back!"
=========================================================
>-->From Laugh&Lift:
______________________________________________
| \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ |.
|_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_||
|\ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ /\
|\|/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \|||/_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \|/'.
.'/|\_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \q O O p\_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/|\_|
| \\/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ | ) |_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \|/ \
|_/ |_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ __\_O_/___/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_//\_'.
|/ \_| \_/ \_,--._,-" `-._,--. \_/ \_/ |_/ \|
|\_/ |_/ \_/ \__/_,-"| |`-._\__/_/ \_/ \_| \_/\
|_/ \_\ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_| | \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ /_/ \'.
| \_/ \|/ \_/ \_/ \_// /\ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \|/ \_/ |
.'_/ \_/|\_/ \_/ \_/ / / \ \\_/ \_/ \_/ \_/|\_/ \_\
|/ \_/__\___________/ /____\ \_______________\ \_/ '.
|\_,-' __/___/ \___\__ `-.__/|
// /_____/ \_____\ `\
Gr
>How to Interpret Employment Ads
"Competitive Salary" -
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.
"Join Our Fast Paced Company" -
We have no time to train you.
"Casual Work Atmosphere" -
We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up.
"Must be Deadline Oriented" -
You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.
"Some Overtime Required" -
Some time each night, some time each weekend.
"Duties will Vary" -
Anyone in the office can boss you around.
"Must have an Eye for Detail" -
We have no quality control.
"Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience" -
You will need to replace three people who just left.
"Problem Solving Skills a Must" -
You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos.
Haven't heard a word from anyone out there. Your first
task is to find out what is going on.
"Requires Team Leadership Skills" -
You will have the responsibilities of a manager without
the pay or respect.
"Good Communication Skills" -
Management communicates poorly, so you have to figure out
what they want and do it.
-<>-
__ __ __
|==| |==| |==|
__|__|__|__|__|__|_
__|___________________|___
__|__[]__[]__[]__[]__[]__[]__|___
|............................o.../
\.............................../
hjw_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')/,~')_
>The Great Cruise
Have you heard the story of the not-so-bright fellow who saw an
advertisement for a cruise? The sign in the travel agency window
read "Cruise - $100 Cash."
'I've got a hundred dollars,' he thought. 'And I'd like to go on a
cruise.' So he entered the door and announced his desires. The
fellow at the desk asked for the money, and the not-too-bright guy
started counting it out. When he got to one hundred, he was
whacked over the head and knocked out cold. He woke up in a
barrel floating down a river. Another sucker in another barrel
floated past and asked him, "Say, do they serve lunch on this
cruise?"
The not-too-bright fellow answered, "They didn't last year."
-<>-
________________
\ __ / __
\_____()_____/ / )
'============` / /
#---\ /---# / /
(# @\| |/@ #) / /
\ (_) / / /
|\ '---` /| / /
_______/ \\_____// \____/ o_|
/ \ / \ / / o_|
/ | o| / o_| \
/ | _____ | / / \ \
/ | |===| o| / /\ \ \
| | \@/ | / / \ \ \
| |___________o|__/----) \ \/
| ' || --) \ |
|___________________|| --) \ /
| o| '''' | \__/
| | |
>Things You Never Say To A Cop
- Man, I have no idea how fast I was goin'!
- Can you hand me your gun?
- Care for a doughnut?
- Whatever you do, don't search my trunk
- What exactly is "legally drunk"?
- So, what's a good bribe go for around here?
- I hope you realize you're about to ruin a perfect record
- Okay, so I was speeding and I let you catch me - how about best of
three?
- I want your badge number and your superior officer's name right now!
- You should give the ticket to my unreliable cruise control.
- Speeding is an abstract concept, don't you think?
- If I had known you were there I would never have been going that fast!
- Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
- Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a
warning, too!
- Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of money from the bank
robbery, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal
and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
- Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
- If I were you I'd let me go!
- Met your quota? Happy now?
*Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor
in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all
about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Awesome Bikes!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesomebikes.html
Extreme Homes!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exhomes.html
Auto MotorPlex!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/automotorplex.html
Extreme US Spas!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/topspas.html
Trucks!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trucks.html
World's Fastest Cars!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html
Designer Toilet Paper!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/designertp.html
Awesome Tree Houses!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treehouses.html
Amazing Dog Houses 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses2.html
Unique Designer Shoes!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/shoes.html
Expensive Hotel Rooms!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html
Lamborghini Aventador!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lambo.html
Classic Chevy Collection!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevy.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
KEEP AN EYE ON THE ELEVATION, LEFT SIDE OF YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN,
AND THEN MOVE MOUSE AT THE END, TO SEE EVERYTHING.
Moving the mouse slowly. Pretty touchy.
Mt.Everest:
http://everestavalanchetragedy.com/mt-everest-journey.html
---
...Wowsers! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
CHICK-FIL-A: Founder, S. Truett Cathy Dies at 93, Hateful Liberals
http://tinyurl.com/kmlvhz9
---
...Sad. Thanks Melody!
Do you dream of a destination wedding above and beyond your wildest
expectations? One Dubai hotel takes the cake for luxury. For a
staggering $50,000, you could get married at a very unique spot on the
world's fourth tallest hotel. This is an amazing wedding destination -
but beware the vertigo!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=WTdy-ap4CnA
A list of great easy tips and tricks you may have never thought of in
this video.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=AclA-7YntvE
The struggle of several vessels with large waves.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8A5IMkW-Kg&feature=player_embedded
Ladies, you don't have to be 20 years old to be proud of your body.
This song is a great reminder that confidence and a great sense of
humor are important no matter what age you are. Not only does it carry
a great message, but the video will keep you laughing the whole time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4QzHeUE-CM&feature=player_embedded
---
...LOL! Love it! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend PatDeE :)
For your enjoyment
This is such a great video.... So, enjoy it. I'm only sending it on to
those of you who experienced the iconic 1950s, a decade that will never
be repeated....
The cars are fantastic. The music was so wonderful, romantic,
nostalgic, magical.... We were rich and did not know it! We were
innocent and thought we were experienced. We were very fortunate to
have lived in such an era. Enjoy the past as revealed here. Who knows
what the future brings........ Where, oh where, are the white sport
coats and the pink carnation.
http://biggeekdad.com/2013/01/the-best-of-times/
Many of these film clips were cut short. I suspect many of these
people either killed or crippled themselves!
Blessings, Pat
Fun for the terminally insane
http://safeshare.tv/w/MRMDIWCFec
---
...Oh My! Thanks PatDeE!
=======================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A new survey found that the tooth fairy left about 42 cents
less in 2011 than it did the year before. When kids lose
teeth now, they're like, 'Ehh, I'm gonna hold onto this until
the market improves.'" -Jimmy Fallon
"How many of you have kids heading off to college? Well,
don't you worry, because that liberal arts degree? That thing
is a license to print money." -Dave Letterman
"The NFL season kicked off officially tonight. It's that
magical time of the year when millions of Americans transition
from checking Facebook all day at work to checking their
fantasy football lineups all day at work." -Jimmy Kimmel
"Happy birthday to Los Angeles. The city was founded on
this day in 1781. The land was first discovered by an old
prospector who said, 'There's Botox in them thar hills.
And kale.'" -Craig Ferguson
"Starbucks in New York City is now selling liquor. I was
in Starbucks earlier today. I got a grande cappuccino with
five pumps of Wild Turkey." -Dave Letterman
"The trouble with our times is that the future is not what
it used to be." -Paul Valery
"A husband is what's left of a sweetheart after the nerve
has been killed." -Lou Costello
"'I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted
sheet I sit.' There. I've never been relaxed enough around
anyone to say that." --Steve Martin as Navin R. Johnson in
"The Jerk".
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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