Two Texans, Sheriff Joe, And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Today we have two smoking hotties! The first one is from our friends Karen and Bunni. This has lots of Ooos and Awws to delight you! Check it out here... .==-. .-==. \()8`-._ `. .' _.-'8()/ (88" ::. \./ .:: "88) \_.'`-::::.(#).::::-'`._/ `._... .q(_)p. ..._.' ""-..-'|=|`-..-"" .""' .'|=|`. `"". ,':8(o)./|=|\.(o)8:`. (O :8 ::/ \_/ \:: 8: O) \O `::/ \::' O/ ""--' `--"" hjw Beautiful Butterflies! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/butterflies.html --- ...Love this! Thanks Ladies! Paul's mom always would take me around her farm house showing me all her plants. She told me to grow dill if I wanted to have butterflies. I did and after the first year it came up by itself year after year. The kids grew up with the cute little caterpillars and would put one of their cocoons in a glass jar to watch them emerge. One year my son found one that we weren't sure what it was. What a delight when it emerged and we saw hundreds of little praying mantis! So much fun we had! Our Next super hot one comes from our friends LouiseA, Karen and Geniann. Again a delightful one about one of our best loved little wild creatures! Check it out here... __ .--.;_.'-. _., \__.' ;@ '. .'; `. ; __..-"'o ; ;' ; ;_/ ._.-' '. } : / `. _i/v\. ; i',; ( \_.' .(_) ; ' /{ \/ '. .r_.' .'\ ; .' .''-';_ ; ''-. ; / '.`. \ ; '. ; '. '._.; _ ; ; ; \.' '.__.-i ; fsc 'wWw' "wWw' World Of Squirrels! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worldofsquirrels.html --- ...Awww, so adorable! Thanks Ladies! My grandma was a Park Ranger. She saved a flying squirrel once and while it recuperated she had it at her house. She loved that squirrel. Paul has had one bring him nuts. He puts it right in Paul's ashtray outside for him. He could have put it anywhere on the porch so we think it was a gift so Paul would give him more bread. One time when Paul didn't trade him, the squirrel just took the nut away the next day. ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: The Big Decision One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out and said, "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd like to talk about or ask me?" "Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy." "That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your family?" "Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2." ()-() /o o\ _\ Y /_ .--. _ O__`&`__0 /____\ ,_(')< / \ [B] \~~~~/ jgs \___) ()/^\() [A][C] '--' ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ September 8 is National Date Nut Bread Day And 8 Pardon Day September 9 is Teddy Bear Day September 10 is Sewing Machine Day and Swap Ideas Day September 11 is Make Your Bed Day and No News is Good News Day September 12 is Chocolate Milk Shake Day September 13 is Fortune Cookie Day and National Peanut Day September 14 is National Cream-Filled Donut Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: .--. {\ / q {\ { `\ \ (-(~` { '.{`\ \ \ ) {'-{ ' \ .-""'-. \ \ {._{'.' \/ '.) \ {_.{. {` | {._{ ' { ;'-=-. | {-.{.' { ';-=-.` / {._.{.; '-=- .' {_.-' `'.__ _,-' jgs |||` .='==, >Defrosting the Turkey We visited our newly married daughter, who was preparing her first dinner. I noticed the turkey thawing in the kitchen sink with a dish drainer inverted over the bird. I asked why a drainer covered the turkey. Our daughter turned to my wife and said, "Mom, you always did it that way." "Yes," my wife replied, "but you don't have a cat!" -<>- >Flattering Clothes After giving birth, I couldn't lose the 40 pounds I'd gained. So I dragged my husband to the mall in search of more flattering clothes. We were encouraged by a sign over a rack of suits: "Instantly hides ten pounds!" "Look," he said. "You just need to buy four of these." -<>- >Military Haircut Our first stop as new recruits was the barber shop. "Want to keep your sideburns?" the barber asked. "Yes, that would be great," I said. "Okay, I'll get you a bag to put them in." -<>- >Secret Party The workers in a large office were making secret plans to stage a big office party for the 70-year old cleaning woman who had spent the better part of her life with the company. Somehow the secret leaked out and the woman got wind of it. Much perturbed, she rushed to the office manager. "Please sir," she cried, "Do not let them do it! Do not let them do it!" "Oh, come now, Mrs. Smith, you must not be so modest. After all, they simply want to show how much you are appreciated." "Appreciated, my foot," exclaimed the woman. "I am NOT going to clean up after a mess like that!" -<>- >Vehicle Inspection I had moved to South Carolina from New York and at that time, a vehicle inspection was required to register my car. I was nervous. My car was in rough shape. I remembered New York State's rigorous inspections. Any number of problems might turn up that would be expensive to fix. I drove down a country road and found a garage that had an inspection sign. When I told the mechanic what I needed, he circled the car, turned on the lights and honked the horn. Then he attached a new sticker and asked me for the three dollar fee. I was shocked. "Is that all you have to do"? I asked. He answered, "Well, you drove it here, didn't you"? ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) >SMILES ,'-', :-----: (''' , - , ''') \ ' . , ` / \ ' ^ ? / \ ` - ,' `j_ _,' Two Texans ,- -`\ \ /f ,- \_\/_/'- , `, , , /\ \ | / \ ', , f : :`, , <...\ , : ,- ' \,,,,\ ; : j ' \ \ :/^^^^' \ \ ; ''': \ -, -`.../ ' - -,`,--` \_._'-- '---: Storm Two Texans are sitting on a plane from Dallas and an old Jewish man is sitting between them. The first Texan says, "My name is Roger. I own 250,000 acres. I have 1,000 head of cattle and they call my place The Jolly Roger." The second Texan says, "My name is John. I own 350,000 acres. I have 5,000 head of cattle and they call my place Big John's." They both look down at the little old Jewish man who says, "My name is Irving and I own only 300 acres." Roger looks down at him and says, "300 Acres? What do you raise?" "Nothing," says Irving. "Well then, what do you call it?" asked John. "Downtown Dallas." -------- Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team. Unfortunately, they lost race after race. Even though they practice and practice four hours daily, they never manage to come in any better than dead last. Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship team. So Morris schlepps off to Cambridge, Mass., and hides in the bushes next to the Charles River, where he carefully watches the Harvard team at its daily practice. After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva. "Well, I figured out their secret," he announces. "What? Tell us! Tell us!" his teammates shout. "We should have only ONE guy yelling. The other eight should be rowing." -------- A state trooper pulled a farmer over for speeding, and he was quite rude about it. As he wrote ticket he swatted at some flies buzzing around his head. Farmer: "Having some problems with circle flies there are ya?" Trooper: "Is that what they are? I've never heard of circle flies." Farmer: "They're common 'round here. We call 'em circle flies because they mostly circle round the back end of a horse." Trooper: "Hey! Are you trying to call me a horse's behind?" Farmer: "Oh no, officer! I have too much respect for law enforcement." (...long pause...) Farmer: "...Hard to fool them flies, though." ------- Sunday school teacher Ms. Brown had a class of five-year-olds. She began the lesson by saying, "Today we are going to study about Peter. Can anybody tell me who Peter was?" A little lad in the back of the group raised his hand. "Oh, how nice," Ms. Brown said. "Billy knows. Billy, please come up front and tell the class who Peter was." Billy quickly came to the front and said with great pride in his voice, "I fink he was a wabbit." -------- On a lonely, moonlit country road a young man's car engine started to cough. Immediately pulling over to a scenic little spot he said to the young lady next to him, "That's funny, I wonder what that knocking noise was?" "I'll tell you one thing for sure," said the girl coolly, "It wasn't opportunity." -------- A drunk gets on a bus. The driver, impatient while the drunk fumbles in his pocket for change, drives off. As the bus starts rolling, the drunk reacts to the sudden movement by stumbling all the way to the back of the bus. The bus stops at the next stop. He reacts by stumbling to the front of the bus. Still the man is fumbling in his pockets for change. The bus jerks forward once again, and the drunk stumbles uncontrollably to the back of the bus. Next stop, the same thing happens. Every time the bus stops, the man would stagger to the front. Every time the bus starts, he staggers uncontrollably to the back. A few stops later the drunk exits the bus from the front. "Hey", shouts the bus driver... "You didn't pay your fare yet!" The drunk, reeling, shouts back "Why should I?!..... I walked all the way!" ------- There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages --- ...LMAO! Good ones! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) .---. (_---_) (_/6 6\_) ( v ) `\ /' .-'': ;``-. / \,Y./ \ / (:)___ \ : .-'XXX`-.`\_; `.__.-XXX-.__.'\_ / / XXX \ \ `\_ / XXX \ `\ / XXX \ _`\___ jgs / \ (`--"""-') / \ (=-=-=-=-) `--...___ ___...--' (________) >On Retirement Question: How many days in a week? Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount. Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire? Answer: Tied shoes. Question: Why do retirees count pennies? Answer: They are the only ones who have the time. Question: What is the common term for a senior who still works and refuses to retire? Answer: NUTS! Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. Or move back in there . . . Question: What do retirees call a long lunch? Answer: Normal. Question: What is the best way to describe retirement? Answer: The never ending Coffee Break…spiked ! Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he worked with? Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth. And, Perhaps the most telling.... QUESTION: What do you do all week? Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING. Saturday & Sunday, I rest. -<>- ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw >ON OLD AGE: Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.. 'Two years older than me' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.. She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it? Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license. I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why Wal-Mart?' 'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week' My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker. These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.' THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are! Always Remember This: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing --- ...Rich! LOL! Thanks Linda! -<>- [Politics] ___ /_\_\ |;-^-'| ; ._ d - j :. ,<%@. |-_-| / \ {_ _,l ___/\_ _/\_ \,< ___ <~L~>\. /___\_\'/_/_`-.( `___\ \ - |` /___ \ \|/|po /||_/-___L":--;" L _ \ \ |o|LY| |(n==\^\^''--`-,-_ [-><-]=3 || ^;| |`\ _')>\ /<__/\ |< !c)|o ; |;| "| _' \ \/ /po | |- | | ; ' |,-. |.V \/ |LY | |\__, _L |o : | / \ \||\ |o^ ^| | _|/| / _\__ : / 7 '<|`. | | | / |L/ < /\: | Y \ | \|' | | | |/ /_ | | | | \| A|. | | /| |/|PO| | || | | |V| | | || |<|LY| | || | |,| | |_ | / | | ^^ | | | | | |____| |" | | | | | | | | |#^' |4 \ | | | | | | |,| | |%_| | | |m | A \ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | / | / | | \ || | | | | | | / /| |__| || | | l | | |> / / | | \___/|_A_| | | | | / / | | | | || |m1a >I'm Tired! I'm 83. Except for brief period in the 50s when I was doing my National Service, I've worked hard since I was 17. Except for some serious health challenges, I put in 50-hour weeks, and didn't call in sick in nearly 40 years. I made a reasonable salary, but I didn't inherit my job or my income, and I worked to get where I am. Given the economy, it looks as though retirement was a bad idea, and I'm tired. Very tired. I'm tired of being told that I have to 'spread the wealth' to people who don't have my work ethic. I'm tired of being told the government will take the money I earned, by force if necessary, and give it to people too lazy to earn it. I'm tired of being told that Islam is a 'Religion of Peace,' when every day I can read dozens of stories of Muslim men killing their sisters, wives and daughters for their family 'honour'; of Muslims rioting over some slight offense; of Muslims murdering Christian and Jews because they aren't "believers"; of Muslims burning schools for girls; of Muslims stoning teenage rape victims to death for "adultery"; of Muslims mutilating the genitals of little girls; all in the name of Allah, because the Qur'an and Shari'a law tells them to. I'm tired of being told that out of 'tolerance for other cultures' we must let Saudi Arabia and other Arab countries use our oil money to fund mosques and madrassa Islamic schools to preach hate in Australia, New Zealand, UK, America and Canada, while no one from these countries are allowed to fund a church, synagogue or religious school in Saudi Arabia or any other Arab country to teach love and tolerance. I'm tired of being told I must lower my living standard to fight global warming, which no one is allowed to debate. I'm tired of being told that drug addicts have a disease, and I must help support and treat them, and pay for the damage they do. Did a giant germ rush out of a dark alley, grab them, and stuff white powder up their noses or stick a needle in their arm while they tried to fight It off? I'm tired of hearing wealthy athletes, entertainers and politicians of all parties talking about innocent mistakes, stupid mistakes or youthful mistakes, when we all know they think their only mistake was getting caught. I'm tired of people with a sense of entitlement, rich or poor. I'm really tired of people who don't take responsibility for their lives and actions. I'm tired of hearing them blame the government, or discrimination or big-whatever for their problems. I'm also tired and fed up with seeing young men and women in their teens and early 20s be-deck themselves in tattoos and face studs, thereby making themselves un-employable and claiming money from the Government. Yes, I'm darn tired. But I'm also glad to be 83. Because, mostly, I'm not going to have to see the world these people are making. I'm just sorry for my granddaughters and their children. Thank God I'm on the way out and not on the way in. There is no way this will be widely publicized, unless each of us sends it on! This is your chance to make a difference. From Snopes.com: Issues the author is 'tired of' hearing about was penned by Robert A. Hall, a former Massachusetts state senator and U.S. MarineCorps veteran. See the details here... http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/imtired.asp --- ...A good one! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: If you have ever wished you could just lock your wife up in a box, you might have something in common with the man in today's story. An Indiana man is accused of forcing his wife into S slavery. A pessimist might think that that is basically what marriage is to begin with, but Kenneth Eugene Harden took things a little too far. Harden's wife told police she met him online last year through Craigslist. He said he was a Godly man and they both talked about how much the Bible meant to them. They soon married. A few months later, she said Harden revealed he's a sadist. What started out as experimentation in the bedroom escalated into abuse. Not only would he lead her around with a collar on - prosecutors said he would force her head and hands into a wooden box after her child went to school. She told police there were also times he would duct tape or tie her up all day. Charging documents go into graphic detail of the S abuse, all while she hoped and prayed someone would hear her through the apartment walls. "We could hear them fighting sometimes and we heard a lot of loud noises upstairs, but I never thought anything of it," a neighbor said, who lives below the apartment where the alleged abuse occurred. Police initially arrested Harden on domestic battery charges and he is being held on a $100,000 bond. -<>- A Colorado woman says she was texting and driving when she hit a pole that went through her car, piercing her thigh and buttocks. Elizabeth firefighters had to saw off the front and back end of the pole to get the woman out. Christina Jahnz says she was in the parking lot of Elizabeth Middle School to deliver her daughter's saxophone, which had been left at home. As she was driving away from the school, Jahnz started texting her friend. "I was running late for a business meeting, so I did a voice text. I looked down to make sure it was all right. The next thing I knew, I was looking up, there was white powder from the air bags deployed," Jahnz said. Then, Jahnz realized that the guardrail pole went through the front of her truck, through her buttocks and into the back of her seat. Elizabeth firefighters rushed to the scene, where she says they used a saw to cut the front and back end of the pole before rushing her to the hospital. "I went into surgery and I lost count of the stitches after 40. They stitched me up inside too. I'm truly a miracle. They said if it gone just a little bit the other way I would have bled out," Jahnz said. Jahnz was released after a four-day stay in the hospital. She will be able to get around with the help of a walker and is expected to make a full recovery. Jahnz says even though she was going 20 mph and looked down for only a split second, she has learned a lesson she will never forget. *-- Stripper mom of missing Florida child tells cops: 'I have to get on stage' --* HUDSON, Fla. (UPI) - A 29-year-old stripper in Florida is facing some serious charges after deputies said she hung up on them. The Pasco County Sheriff's office said they were searching for her missing 10-year-old daughter. Bobbey Jo Boucher reportedly told a deputy when they called her "I have to get on stage" and hung up the phone. Boucher is an entertainer at Calendar Girls. Deputies started the search for the missing girl when they said the girl's grandmother called them when she did not come home from a barbecue up the street. Boucher reportedly left the child at the barbecue as she went to work, and deputies said she was the last person to see the girl. The child was later found safe and sound. Boucher was later found and arrested for resisting an officer and misdemeanor obstruction. She said she did not hang up on the deputy but transferred to another call. *-- Suspect plays with cats during police chase in Florida --* BOCA RATON, Fla. (UPI) - A man in South Florida stopped in the middle of being chased by police Friday to ask for water and pet some cats. Authorities said Daniel Pinedo-Velapatino, 21, had stolen thousands in cash from his friend's wallet after a night of drug use. He then crashed a Lexus into multiple vehicles -- including a police cruiser -- and a fire hydrant before ditching the car. Officers from Boca Raton and Delray Beach were pursuing Velapatino on foot when he showed up at Candice Noonan's back sliding glass door. "I said, 'Excuse me, can I help you?'" Noonan told WPBF. "He said, 'Oh, I'm so sorry. Next door, I'm mowing the lawn. Do you mind if I have a glass of water?'" When Noonan returned with a bottle of water, she found the supposed landscaper inside her house, lying on the floor petting her cats, which she described as "very odd." "It almost looked like he either was on drugs or he was mentally handicapped," she said. Noonan's husband began questioning Velapatino, who fled the premises. Noonan said they realized what had happened when they noticed police vehicles passing outside. The suspect attempted to escape by swimming across the nearby Intracoastal Waterway but was apprehended by a police boat. Police said that Velapatino stole the money to pay back $2,000 to his mother. *-- Woman weds dog in Hindu ceremony to break curse --* RANCHI, India (UPI) - An 18-year-old woman in India landed a loyal husband when she married a dog in a bid to rid herself of an "evil spell" identified by village elders. Mangli Munda, 18, who lives with her family in a Jharkland village, married a stray dog dubbed Sheru in a traditional Hindu ceremony as a means of lifting a curse that village elders said would cause the death of any man she married, Barcroft TV reported. "The village elders told us that we should organize the wedding as soon as we can," said the girl's father, Sri Amnmunda. "We had to make sure that the evil spell is destroyed." Munda said the ceremony was not exactly her dream wedding. "I am not happy with this marriage," Munda said. However, she said she is happy the wedding -- which is not legally binding -- will allow her to search for a human husband. "Every girl dreams of marrying a prince," she said. The family said Sheru might not be Munda's soulmate, but he will now have a place in their home as a family pet. *-- Suspect accused neighbor of spying, telepathy --* AUSTIN, Texas (UPI) - A Texas man accused of attacking his neighbor allegedly told police the other man was using "triangulation" to speak to him inside his head. The Austin Police Department said Steven Anthony Garza, 34, allegedly entered his neighbor's yard about 7:30 p.m. Aug. 28 and used "aggressive" hand gestures the neighbor interpreted as an invitation to fight. Garza allegedly head-butted his neighbor and broke the antenna of the radio the other man was using to speak to his father. Police said the neighbor fled inside his home and Garza then dumped the other man's radio and remote-controlled drone over a fence, causing $4,000 in damage to the devices. Garza told officers he believed his neighbor was using the equipment to spy on him and the other man was using "triangulation" to speak inside his head, the arrest report said. Garza was taken to the Travis County Jail on charges of assault causing bodily injury and criminal mischief. He was ordered held in lieu of $10,000 bond. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) () /\ ()--' '--() `. .' / .. \ jgs ()' '() >SHERIFF JOE IS AT IT AGAIN! You may remember Sheriff Joe Arpaio of Arizona, who painted the jail cells pink and made the inmates wear pink prison garb. WELL, JOE IS AT IT AGAIN ! Oh, there's MUCH more to know about Sheriff Joe ! Maricopa County was spending approx. $18 million dollars a year on stray animals, like cats and dogs. Sheriff Joe offered to take the department over, and the County Supervisors said okay. The animal shelters are now all staffed and operated by prisoners. They feed and care for the strays. Every animal in his care is taken out and walked twice daily. He now has prisoners who are experts in animal nutrition and behavior. They give great classes for anyone who'd like to adopt an animal. He has literally taken stray dogs off the street, given them to the care of prisoners, and had them place in dog shows. The best part? His budget for the entire department is now under $3 million. The prisoners get the benefit of about $0.28 an hour for working, but most would work for free, just to be out of their cells for the day. Most of his budget is for utilities, building maintenance, etc. He pays the prisoners out of the fees collected for adopted animals. I have long wondered when the rest of the country would take a look at the way he runs the jail system and copy some of his ideas. He has a huge farm, donated to the county years ago, where inmates can work, and they grow most of their own fresh vegetables and food, doing all the work and harvesting by hand. He has a pretty good sized hog farm, which provides meat and fertilizer. It fertilizes the Christmas tree nursery, where prisoners work, and you can buy a living Christmas tree for $6 - $8 for the holidays and plant it later. Yup, he was re-elected last year with 83% of the vote. Now he's in trouble with the ACLU again. He painted all his buses and vehicles with a mural that has a special hotline phone number painted on it, where you can call and report suspected illegal aliens. Immigrations and Customs Enforcement wasn't doing enough in his eyes, so he had 40 deputies trained specifically for enforcing immigration laws, started up his hotline, and bought 4 new buses just for hauling folks back to the border. He's kind of a 'Git-R-Dun' kind of Sheriff. TO THOSE OF YOU NOT FAMILIAR WITH JOE ARPAIO.. HE IS THE MARICOPA ARIZONA COUNTY SHERIFF AND HE KEEPS GETTING ELECTED OVER AND OVER. () /\ ()--' '--() `. .' / .. \ jgs ()' '() Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who created the 'Tent City Jail': ** He has jail meals down to 40 cents a serving and charges the inmates for them. ** He stopped smoking and porno magazines in the jail. ** Took away their weights. ** Cut off all but 'G' movies. ** He started chain gangs so the inmates could do free work on county and city projects. ** Then he started chain gangs for women so he wouldn't get sued for discrimination. ** He took away cable TV until he found out there was a federal court order that required cable TV for jails, so he hooked up the cable TV again, but only left the Disney channel and the weather channel. ** When asked why the weather channel, he replied, "So they will know how hot it's gonna be while they are working on my chain gangs." ** He cut off coffee since it has zero nutritional value. When the inmates complained, he told them, "This isn't The Ritz/Carlton. If you don't like it, don't come back." More on the Arizona Sheriff: With temperatures being even hotter than usual in Phoenix (116 degrees just set a new record), the Associated Press reports: About 2,000 inmates living in a barbed-wire-surrounded tent encampment at the Maricopa County jail have been given permission to strip down to their government-issued pink boxer shorts. On Wednesday, hundreds of men wearing boxers were either curled up on their bunk beds or chatted in the tents, which reached 138 degrees inside the week before. Many were also swathed in wet, pink towels as sweat collected on their chests and dripped down to their PINK SOCKS. "It feels like we are in a furnace," said James Zanzot, an inmate who has lived in the TENTS for 1 year. "It's inhumane." Joe Arpaio, the tough-guy sheriff who created the tent city and long ago started making his prisoners wear pink and eat bologna sandwiches, is not one bit sympathetic. He said Wednesday that he told all of the inmates, "It's 120 degrees in Iraq and our soldiers are living in tents too, and they have to wear full battle gear, but they didn't commit any crimes, so shut your mouths!" Way to go, Sheriff ! Maybe if all prisons were like this one there would be a lot less crime and/or repeat offenders. Criminals should be punished for their crimes - not live in luxury until it's time for their parole, only to go out and commit another crime so they can get back in to live on taxpayers' money and enjoy things taxpayers can't afford to have for themselves. If you agree, pass this on. If not, just delete it...... but why would you do that? --- ...TeeHee! Might as well get something for our money! Thanks PatDeE! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _...._ .'.o' o.'. /o o .o' o'\ |'.o 'o. o'.o| |o. o' o 'o .| \ o .o.'o'./ '._o__o_.' \ / || || || || || jgs || \/ James addressed the ball and took a magnificent swing but somehow, something went wrong and a horrible slice resulted. The ball went onto the adjoining fairway and hit a man full force. He dropped! James and his partner ran up to the stricken victim who lay, quite unconscious, with the ball between his feet. "Good heavens" exclaimed James, "what shall I do?" "Don't move him!" cautioned his partner. "If we leave him here he becomes an immovable obstruction and you can either play the ball as it lies or drop it two club lengths away." -<>- Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. "It's a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast." -<>- A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with your husband. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?" All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?" Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember. The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband: "I love you, sweetheart." The women were then told to exchange phones with another person, and to read aloud the text message they received, in response. Here are some of the replies: 1. Who the hell is this? 2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what? 3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's up with you? 4. What now? Did you wreck the car again? 5. I don't understand what you mean? 6. What the hell did you do now? 7. You're kidding, right? 8. Don't beat about the bush; just tell me how much you need? 9. Am I dreaming? 10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die. 11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day. (my favorite) 12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she? -<>- A guy from Brooklyn was in Hong Kong. While passing through a jewish neighborhood he was surprised to see a synagogue. He went in and sure enough, he saw a Chinese rabbi and a Chinese congregation. The service was touching. As the service ended, the rabbi stood at the door greeting his congregants. When our Brooklyn friend came up, the Chinese rabbi said...."You're a Jew?" "Yes, I'm Jewish," replied the Brooklynite. "Funny," said the Chinese rabbi. "You don't look it." -<>- I began thinking about my own mortality after I became a widow. One day my daughter called home from college, and I announced to her, "I think it's time for us to talk about where I would like to be buried." "It's way too soon to even think of anything like that," she snapped indignantly. Then there was a brief silence. "Wait a minute, did you say married or buried?" When I repeated buried, she said, "Oh, okay, sure." -<>- I deliver pizza to help cover my college tuition. Once I called on customers who sent their seven-year-old son to pay me. As he approached the screen door, I noticed he was carrying a check in one hand and two dollars in the other, which I assumed was my tip. To my dismay, he pocketed the bills before handing me the check, which was for the exact cost of the pizza. "Could that have been a tip?" I asked, trying not to sound accusatory. "Yep," he replied proudly. "not bad for just a walk from the living room and back!" ========================================================= >-->From Laugh&Lift: ______________________________________________ | \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ |. |_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_|| |\ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ /\ |\|/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \|||/_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \|/'. .'/|\_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \q O O p\_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/|\_| | \\/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ | ) |_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \|/ \ |_/ |_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ __\_O_/___/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_//\_'. |/ \_| \_/ \_,--._,-" `-._,--. \_/ \_/ |_/ \| |\_/ |_/ \_/ \__/_,-"| |`-._\__/_/ \_/ \_| \_/\ |_/ \_\ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_| | \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ /_/ \'. | \_/ \|/ \_/ \_/ \_// /\ \_/ \_/ \_/ \_/ \|/ \_/ | .'_/ \_/|\_/ \_/ \_/ / / \ \\_/ \_/ \_/ \_/|\_/ \_\ |/ \_/__\___________/ /____\ \_______________\ \_/ '. |\_,-' __/___/ \___\__ `-.__/| // /_____/ \_____\ `\ Gr >How to Interpret Employment Ads "Competitive Salary" - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. "Join Our Fast Paced Company" - We have no time to train you. "Casual Work Atmosphere" - We don't pay enough to expect that you will dress up. "Must be Deadline Oriented" - You will be six months behind schedule on your first day. "Some Overtime Required" - Some time each night, some time each weekend. "Duties will Vary" - Anyone in the office can boss you around. "Must have an Eye for Detail" - We have no quality control. "Seeking Candidates with a Wide Variety of Experience" - You will need to replace three people who just left. "Problem Solving Skills a Must" - You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos. Haven't heard a word from anyone out there. Your first task is to find out what is going on. "Requires Team Leadership Skills" - You will have the responsibilities of a manager without the pay or respect. "Good Communication Skills" - Management communicates poorly, so you have to figure out what they want and do it. -<>- __ __ __ |==| |==| |==| __|__|__|__|__|__|_ __|___________________|___ __|__[]__[]__[]__[]__[]__[]__|___ |............................o.../ \.............................../ hjw_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')_,~')/,~')_ >The Great Cruise Have you heard the story of the not-so-bright fellow who saw an advertisement for a cruise? The sign in the travel agency window read "Cruise - $100 Cash." 'I've got a hundred dollars,' he thought. 'And I'd like to go on a cruise.' So he entered the door and announced his desires. The fellow at the desk asked for the money, and the not-too-bright guy started counting it out. When he got to one hundred, he was whacked over the head and knocked out cold. He woke up in a barrel floating down a river. Another sucker in another barrel floated past and asked him, "Say, do they serve lunch on this cruise?" The not-too-bright fellow answered, "They didn't last year." -<>- ________________ \ __ / __ \_____()_____/ / ) '============` / / #---\ /---# / / (# @\| |/@ #) / / \ (_) / / / |\ '---` /| / / _______/ \\_____// \____/ o_| / \ / \ / / o_| / | o| / o_| \ / | _____ | / / \ \ / | |===| o| / /\ \ \ | | \@/ | / / \ \ \ | |___________o|__/----) \ \/ | ' || --) \ | |___________________|| --) \ / | o| '''' | \__/ | | | >Things You Never Say To A Cop - Man, I have no idea how fast I was goin'! - Can you hand me your gun? - Care for a doughnut? - Whatever you do, don't search my trunk - What exactly is "legally drunk"? - So, what's a good bribe go for around here? - I hope you realize you're about to ruin a perfect record - Okay, so I was speeding and I let you catch me - how about best of three? - I want your badge number and your superior officer's name right now! - You should give the ticket to my unreliable cruise control. - Speeding is an abstract concept, don't you think? - If I had known you were there I would never have been going that fast! - Aren't you the guy from the Village People? - Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! - Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of money from the bank robbery, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control. - Hey, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum. - If I were you I'd let me go! - Met your quota? Happy now? *Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Awesome Bikes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesomebikes.html Extreme Homes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exhomes.html Auto MotorPlex! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/automotorplex.html Extreme US Spas! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/topspas.html Trucks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trucks.html World's Fastest Cars! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html Designer Toilet Paper! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/designertp.html Awesome Tree Houses! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treehouses.html Amazing Dog Houses 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses2.html Unique Designer Shoes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/shoes.html Expensive Hotel Rooms! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html Lamborghini Aventador! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lambo.html Classic Chevy Collection! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevy.html -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) KEEP AN EYE ON THE ELEVATION, LEFT SIDE OF YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN, AND THEN MOVE MOUSE AT THE END, TO SEE EVERYTHING. Moving the mouse slowly. Pretty touchy. Mt.Everest: http://everestavalanchetragedy.com/mt-everest-journey.html --- ...Wowsers! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) CHICK-FIL-A: Founder, S. Truett Cathy Dies at 93, Hateful Liberals http://tinyurl.com/kmlvhz9 --- ...Sad. Thanks Melody! Do you dream of a destination wedding above and beyond your wildest expectations? One Dubai hotel takes the cake for luxury. For a staggering $50,000, you could get married at a very unique spot on the world's fourth tallest hotel. This is an amazing wedding destination - but beware the vertigo! http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=WTdy-ap4CnA A list of great easy tips and tricks you may have never thought of in this video. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=AclA-7YntvE The struggle of several vessels with large waves. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8A5IMkW-Kg&feature=player_embedded Ladies, you don't have to be 20 years old to be proud of your body. This song is a great reminder that confidence and a great sense of humor are important no matter what age you are. Not only does it carry a great message, but the video will keep you laughing the whole time. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4QzHeUE-CM&feature=player_embedded --- ...LOL! Love it! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) For your enjoyment This is such a great video.... So, enjoy it. I'm only sending it on to those of you who experienced the iconic 1950s, a decade that will never be repeated.... The cars are fantastic. The music was so wonderful, romantic, nostalgic, magical.... We were rich and did not know it! We were innocent and thought we were experienced. We were very fortunate to have lived in such an era. Enjoy the past as revealed here. Who knows what the future brings........ Where, oh where, are the white sport coats and the pink carnation. http://biggeekdad.com/2013/01/the-best-of-times/ Many of these film clips were cut short. I suspect many of these people either killed or crippled themselves! Blessings, Pat Fun for the terminally insane http://safeshare.tv/w/MRMDIWCFec --- ...Oh My! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new survey found that the tooth fairy left about 42 cents less in 2011 than it did the year before. When kids lose teeth now, they're like, 'Ehh, I'm gonna hold onto this until the market improves.'" -Jimmy Fallon "How many of you have kids heading off to college? Well, don't you worry, because that liberal arts degree? That thing is a license to print money." -Dave Letterman "The NFL season kicked off officially tonight. It's that magical time of the year when millions of Americans transition from checking Facebook all day at work to checking their fantasy football lineups all day at work." -Jimmy Kimmel "Happy birthday to Los Angeles. The city was founded on this day in 1781. The land was first discovered by an old prospector who said, 'There's Botox in them thar hills. And kale.'" -Craig Ferguson "Starbucks in New York City is now selling liquor. I was in Starbucks earlier today. I got a grande cappuccino with five pumps of Wild Turkey." -Dave Letterman "The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be." -Paul Valery "A husband is what's left of a sweetheart after the nerve has been killed." -Lou Costello "'I slit the sheet, the sheet I slit, and on the slitted sheet I sit.' There. I've never been relaxed enough around anyone to say that." --Steve Martin as Navin R. Johnson in "The Jerk". >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************