Umbrellas, A Test, Women And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND For Google Plus Users: You can find me here... Shangy Bigham https://plus.google.com/106648555948034085752/posts AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ *~* We had a fabulous month of caring and sharing last month! /`. /\ _/ `..'_ J._-*"; +*" ( X ) | `. " " :._ .' , , / .' \ _L L_/ / `. -..' `.' `.-' `+ ; * :__* : / `.__.' ).' :__. _ " ) ; (c .*"*, ,_ _ '"'T / o`: ) l_.--. _ : : [bug] ,-`.__.\_\ `..*__..--'; .*' ( "*-' ;**--..__.;_ ""')"" :_. *-+, ("*- ._| __..-\ +-* "*+ ;..__ ;**"" `\ \ +*'_.* ""**+ : `* `*" / \ . . ; : ; : ` ' \ / .`- \ : ; . ; : : : ; ' \ / _..-*"`- `-. ( ) `*-..__..---..___.'`*-*" >Be sure to visit and share these with all your family and friends: Budding Photographers! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buddingphotographers.html Secrets Of The Secret Service! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/secrets.html Humor With Computers! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/computerhumor.html Choo-San Body Paintings! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bodypaintings.html Famous Inspiring Women! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/womenquotes.html Humor With Buses! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bushumor.html Penguin Rescue Story! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/penguinrescue.html Australian Penguins Rescued! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/penguinrescue2.html Why Trump? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whytrump.html Beautiful Spilling Flowers! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/spillingflowers.html More Abundant Life! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/abundantlife.html Tianmen Mountain! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tianmenmountain.html .0. / \ ; \_/ ; | | | | | | _______; ;_______ `======='\ /`=======` \ / _ | | _ _( \____|=|____/ )_ ( .---. .---. ) `-' / \ '-' / HUG \ ; ; | .---.|__, jgs : / :--' .--\ \ | `" `"".-' < =""` `"== `""""""` =""` `"""===="""` =""` `""==="""` * May God Super Bless All Our Thoughtful Contributors! * ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: | ___.----' `----.___ _.-' .-' F ` - `-._ .-' .' \ `- `-. .' J `. `. /___ / L ` .--`. ' `-. _.---._ |_.---._ .--"""-.' ' ' | ` | | | | | | | | | A H Yb dB YbmdP VK " The man of the house finally took all the disabled umbrellas to the repairer's. Next morning on his way to his office, when he got up to leave the street car, he absentmindedly laid hold of the umbrella belonging to a woman beside him, for he was in the habit of carrying one. The woman cried "Stop thief!", rescued her umbrella, and covered the man with shame and confusion. That same day, he stopped at the repairer's, and received all eight of his umbrellas duly restored. As he entered a street car, with the unwrapped umbrellas tucked under his arm, he was horrified to behold glaring at him the lady of his morning adventure. Her voice came to him charged with a withering scorn: "Huh! Had a good day, didn't you!" -<>- The sergeant-major growled at the young soldier: "I didn't see you at camouflage training this morning." The soldier replied: "Thank you very much, sir." -<>- A retired gentleman spent most afternoons at the local golf course. Every day he would spend about 3 hours out on the course, playing a round by himself. When he would return to the club house, the resident pro would inquire about his score. "Ed, how'd you shoot today?" to which the man would always reply, "Another perfect par." The golf pro (being of average intelligence) knew that there was no way the old man was shooting straight par every day, but since he was a regular customer, he didn't want to insult the man by accusing him of lying. Finally, one day, the pro decided to accompany the old man on his daily round, just to see for himself. On the first tee, the older gentleman sliced the ball way off into the rough. He found his ball, but his second shot was even worse. Finally putting it into the first hole (a par 4) took him 8 swings. The golf pro thought to himself "I knew it. This old geezer's been lying all this time. There's no way he is gonna shoot anywhere near par." They continued on, and the old man's game stayed the same, never once getting a par on any one hole. After almost 3 hours, they teed off on the 13th hole. The old man actually hit it straight down the middle - It was the best shot he had made all day! He promptly walked down the fairway to his ball, picked it up, and began walking back to the clubhouse. The pro was confused. "Hey, that was a great shot. Where are you going now?" "Oh, I'm done," the old man replied with a smile, "That shot was number 72... another perfect par!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ April 4 is Hug a Newsman, Walk Around Things and School Librarian Day April 5 is Go for Broke Day April 6 is Plan Your Epitaph Day and Sorry Charlie Day April 7 is No Housework Day and World Health Day April 8 is All is Ours Day and Draw a Picture of a Bird Day April 9 is Name Yourself Day and Winston Churchill Day April 10 is Golfer's Day and National Siblings Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: -| -' | -' | __(). ==wkm=====|'\/ `.O__ \ `, _-^. `. `---, : ____________________________________ ///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\ >Putting Up With Jocks The basketball coach stormed into the university president's office and demanded a raise right then and there. "Please," protested the college president, "you already make more than the entire History Department." "Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up with," the coach blustered. "Look." He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was jogging down the hallway. "Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered. Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of breath. "You're not there, sir," he reported. "Oh, I see what you mean," conceded the president, scratching his head. "I would have phoned." -<>- >New Boat My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted. When the husband went to the dock for the maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the stern: "For Sale." -<>- >Odd Creature We live in the country and often find different creatures have made their way into our house. Last night was the oddest of all. A huge ball of fluff made its way across the living room limping or crawling or jumping. At first we thought it was an ill mouse but on closer inspection we discovered it was a tiny frog covered in hair from our dog. -<>- >Packaging Recently, I bought a cartridge for my printer. It came in a box mounted on a card and wrapped in plastic. When I took it apart, I found that the printer cartridge itself was actually quite small, but they made the packaging unnecessarily large to make it harder to steal and to make the customer feel better about the high price. I pointed this out to my wife and mentioned how my weight gain over the years of our marriage should have the same effect: It made me seem more valuable and also made me harder for other women to steal. She's still laughing. -<>- >Potential Juror As a potential juror in an assault-and-battery case, I was sitting in a courtroom, answering questions from both sides. The prosecutor asked such questions as: Had I ever been mugged? Did I know the victim or the defendant? The defense attorney took a different approach, however. "I see you are a teacher," he said. "What do you teach?" "English and theater," I responded. "Then I guess I better watch my grammar," the defense attorney quipped. "No" I shot back. "You better watch your acting." When the laughter in the courtroom died down, I was excused from the case. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) >JOKES O /_\ __ | \ /_/ |\ | ejm 97 / \ |, ~ ~ /|\ My sister brought her daughter a really nice Spinet Piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked my sister how her daughter was doing. "Oh," she said, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet." "How come?" I asked. "Well," my sister answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing...." -------- Using the Siri app on my iPhone: Me: "Siri, call my wife." Siri: "Samantha McLaughlin is not in your contacts." Me: "Samantha Gibbs is my wife." Siri: "I've added Samantha Gibbs as your wife." Me: "Call my wife." Siri: "Which wife?" -------- _,,,_ .' `'. / ____ \ | .'_ _\/ / ) a a| / ( > | ( ) ._ / ) _/-.__.'`\ ( .-'`-. \__ ) `/ `-./ `. | \ \ \ jgs | \ \ \ \ |\ `. / / \ Blondes' Revenge Q: What's black and blue and brown and lying in a ditch? A: A brunette who's told too many blonde jokes. Q: What do you call going on a blind date with a brunette? A: Brown-bagging it. Q: What's the real reason a brunette keeps her figure? A: No one else wants it. Q: Why are so many blonde jokes one-liners? A: So brunettes can remember them. Q: What do you call a brunette in a room full of blondes? A: Invisible. Q: What is the difference between a brunette and garbage? A: Garbage gets taken out at least once a week. ------- Coping With Life Below are several things you can do to help keep a healthy level of insanity in your life... :) :) 1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down. 2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice. 3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that. 4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "in" 5. Put deaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 6. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for blackmail." 7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy." 8. Don't use any punctuation marks 9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk. 10. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day. 11. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard Kim. 12. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won!", "I won!" "3rd time this week!!!!!" 13. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "run for your lives, they're loose!!" ------- My Building Permit Some have asked what I've been doing in retirement. Well, I applied for a building permit for a new house. It was going to be 100 ft. tall and 400 ft. wide, with 12 gun turrets at various heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system. It would have parking for 200 cars and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim. Then I was gonna hire someone to stand on top of it and SCREAM as loud as he could three or four times a day. The City Council told me, Forget it... AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN! So, I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a "Mosque." Work starts on Monday. And here is the best part, it's going to be tax exempt! I love this country. It's the government that scares me. --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Karen :) >A Test .c. .d$$e$. .e$P" ^*% .e$P" z$$$" z$$$$$F .d$$$$$$$F .d$$$$$$$$$$F .3$$$$$$$$$$$$F $$$$$" ""$*$" P $" $ $ d d" $ $ $ * $ $ ) ' $ $ % ' $ $ % " $ $ - ) * * unknown 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? Stop and think about it and decide on your answer before you scroll down. . . . . . . . . The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way. .---. .--. ___/ \ / `.-"" `-, ; ; / O O \ / `. \ /-' _ J-.__; _.' (" / `. -=: `: `, -=| | F\ i, ; -| | | | || \_J fsc mmm! `mmM Mmm' 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? . . . . . . . . . Did you say - Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator? Wrong Answer. Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions. , ,, , , ,; ; ;; ; ; ; , ; '; ; ;; .-''\ ; ; , ; ;` ; ,; . / /8b \ ; ; `; ; .;' ;,\8 | ; ; ` ;/ / `_ ; ;; ; ; ; |/.' /9) ; ; ` ; ; ; ,/' ; ; ; ; ; ; ; ; /_ ; ; ` ; ; `?8P" . ; ; ; ; ; ; ;; | ; .:: ` ;; ; ; ` ; ; `' `--._ ;; ;; ; ; ; ; `-..__..--'' ; ; ;; ; ; ; fL ; ; ; ; ; ; 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals Attend ... Except one. Which animal does not attend? . . . Which is it (think carefully ) . . . . . Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there! This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities. _.---._ .---. __...---' .---. `---'-. `. ~ -~ -.-''__.--' _.'( | )`. `. `._ : -.~~ .'__-'_ .--'' ._`---'_.-. `. `-`. ~ ~_~-~-~_ ~ -._ -._``---. -. `-._ `. ~- ~ ~ -_ -~ ~ -.._ _ _ _ ..-_ `. `-._``--.._ ~~-~ ~-_ _~ ~-~ ~ -~ _~~_-~ -._ `-. -. `-._``--.._.--''. ~ -~_ ~~ -~_-~ _~- _~~ _~-_~ ~-_~~ ~-.___ -._ `-.__ `. `. ~ -_~ jgs ~~ _~- ~~- -_~ ~- ~ - _~~- _~~ ~---...__ _ ._ .` `. ~-_~ ~ ~- _~~- _-_~ ~-_ ~-~ ~_-~ _~- ~_~-_~ ~--.....--~ -~_ ~ ~ ~ - ~ ~ ~~ - ~~- ~~- ~- ~ -~ ~ ~ -~~- ~- ~-~ 4. There is a river you must cross but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it? . . . . . . . . . Correct Answer:? You jump into the river and swim across. Have you not been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting! This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes. According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Okay, Fess up. How many did you get right? --- ...Ummmm, HaHa! Thanks Karen! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] Trump Calls In The Big Gun To Campaign For Him In Wisconsin... He’s Ready For WAR http://conservativetribune.com/trump-big-gun-wisconsin/ Trump the softy http://www.tpnn.com/2016/03/30/watch-stunning-moment-trump-rally-emotional-ever/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: Aisle 6: Kitchenwares, Pet Food, Corpses. It is kind of a macabre testament to the capitalist spirit that a California Target remained open for hours while the body of a suicide victim lie in the housewares aisle. Police were called to the Target where a man had walked into the store and headed to the kitchen section to select a knife. Surveillance video showed him standing in the aisle and removing the knife from its packaging. In one of the more horrible ways to commit suicide, the man proceeded to stab himself to death in front of horrified shoppers. Upon arrival officers located the individual with an apparent stab wounds to the torso. The man was declared dead at the scene. It is unclear exactly how long the body lay in the aisle, but you have to assume a stockboy had to put some tape up. Maybe display one of those floor signs that say "Cuidado: Piso Mojado". The last thing Target wants is a lawsuit from somebody slipping in a pool of blood and twisting an ankle. -<>- Police arrested a 14-year-old girl after she took revenge against her stepmother by burning down her home. Police in Roswell, New Mexico, said that the 14-year-old girl is accused of deliberately burning her house. Police believe that the fire started after the girl got into an argument with her stepmother. The woman and the teenager were arguing over the fact that the girl skipped school. When the stepmother and her two children went outside the home, a fire broke out. Fire investigators discovered a bottle of charcoal lighter fluid in the backyard and they believe it was the accelerant the girl used to start the fire. A male at the scene was hospitalized for smoke inhalation. It took firefighters about half an hour to put out the flames. The home was totally destroyed. Police said that the girl was seen running from the house after it was set on fire. She was booked into the Juvenile Chaves County Detention Center on suspicion of arson. So at least she has a roof over her head. The stepmother, on the other hand, is SOL. *---- Man Appears In Court In Spider-Man Costume ----* Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can, if that included kicking tourists for not giving him a tip. This particular web-slinger, Abdelamine el-Khezzani, is the kind of Spider-Man who gives the costumed characters who stalk Times Square in New York a bad name. For the second time in months he appeared in court for assault charges. This time it was for kicking a Virginia woman who wouldn't tip him after he posed for pictures with her kids. el-Khezzani said that he told Rodney Merrill and Margaretta Patman that he worked for tips, but after the pics were snapped and the tourists attempted to walk away, that is when Spidey got aggressive. el-Khezzani wore his Spidey costume to court where Justice Laura Ward told him, "Have you heard the expression 'Three strikes and you're out'? If you come to the plate and you strike out a third time, you're out" Ward warned el-Khezzani that if he is arrested again, "bail will be set so high that you won't be able to get out." Outside the Manhattan Criminal Court building el-Khezzani struck a Spider-Man pose for cameras and told a reporter that he was innocent. It is not reported whether he asked the reporter for a tip after his picture was taken. *------------ Cookie Monster Pulls Gun ------------* A tourist assaulting Spider-Man in New York seems tame when compared to the costumed criminal in this story. The Kent County Michigan Sheriff's Department said that a man dressed as Cookie Monster entered the Tropical Smoothie shop and pulled out a weapon. He ordered a drink, and fled from the store without paying for the item. The manager of the store immediately called the police, but the suspect managed to escape. Police recovered the weapon used in the robbery. The following day, the police managed to arrest the suspect, who was not identified. *------ Mother Hires Stripper for 8-Year-Old ------* Police in Florida, launched an investigation after a mother hired a stripper to perform on her young son as part of his 8th birthday party. The incident was recorded on video and posted online. The video shows the boy slapping the stripper's backside and throwing dollar bills on her nearly naked body. Officers from several police departments are investigating the mother and the stripper, but so far, no arrests have been made. *---------- Don't Say You Weren't Warned ----------* A homeowner who has a sign with the words 'We don't dial 911' right above the image of a handgun hanging outside her house shot an armed intruder who broke into her Indianapolis home. A mother reportedly heard the man enter her home through a window in her baby's room, so she took out her firearm. Neighbors say the man fired his gun at her first, and she fired back, striking him multiple times. The man was taken to an Indianapolis hospital, police said. Authorities also revealed that the intruder was carrying zip ties and a walkie talkie. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) ( ) ) _.(--"("""--.._ /, _..-----).._,\ | `'''-----'''` | \ / '. .' jgs '--.....--' >Dining Out Story Well, this here story goes something like this. Ya see, there was this trucker,and he was on a run one day,and stopped into this diner for a bite to eat. Well, he sits down at the counter, and the waitress comes over hands him a menu and a glass of water, and says "What'll ya have?" Well, the trucker says," Ya got any chili?" The waitress says, "No, I just sold my last bowl to the guy sitting next to you." So, the trucker looks over at the guy next to him, and notices that he looks like he's mostly finished with his meal 'cept for the bowl of chili sitting there on the counter. So, the trucker asks the guy, "Hey, are you gonna eat that?" To which the man replied, "Naw, you go right ahead." So, the trucker starts eating the chili, which tasted mighty good to him. Well, he got about halfway through with it, and sees a dead mouse laying at the bottom of the bowl. UP COMES THE CHILI!!!! Right back into the bowl!! The guy next to him says," Yep, that's about as far as I got with it too!" -<>- mom, you up there? / ,==. |~~~ / 66\ | \c -_) |~~~ `) ( | / \ |~~~ / \ \ | (( /\ \_ |~~~ \\ \ `--`| / / / |~~~ jgs___ (_(___)_| >Parenthood - If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! - Shouting to make your children obey is like using the horn to steer your car, and you get about the same results. - The smartest advice on raising children is to enjoy them while they are still on your side. - Avenge yourself -- live long enough to be a problem to your children. - The best way to keep kids at home is to give it a loving atmosphere -- and hide the keys to the car. - Parents: People who bare infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds. - The joy of motherhood: What a woman experiences when all the children are finally in bed. - Life's golden age is when the kids are too old to need babysitters and too young to borrow the family car. -<>- , /\ , / '-' '-' \ | POLICE | \ .--. / | ( 19 ) | \ '--' / '--. .--' jgs \/ >Examples of Good - Better - Best GOOD: A Bend, Oregon, policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem--a 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read 'RADAR TRAP AHEAD.' The officer also found the boy had an accomplice who was down the road with a sign reading 'TIPS' and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!) BETTER: A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in Pendleton, Oregon. A $140 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $140. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs. BEST: A young woman was pulled over for speeding. An Oregon State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book. She said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Trooper's Ball." He replied, "Oregon State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence. He then closed his book, tipped his hat, got back in his patrol car and left. --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! =========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: _.-'`'-._ .-' _ '-. `-.__ `\_.-' | `-``\| jgs `-.....-A # # We all fail sometimes. But there's something about failing with style. Here are some of the best test paper blunders from the most clueless - and inventive - of students. * Classical Studies * Question: Name one of the early Romans' greatest achievements. Answer: Learning to speak Latin * Biology * Question: What is a fibula? Answer: A little lie * Classical Studies * Question: What were the circumstances of Julius Caesar's death? Answer: Suspicious ones * Biology * Question: Give an example of a smoking-related disease Answer: Early death * Biology * Question: What is a plasmid? Answer: A high definition television * Religious Studies * Question: Christians only have one spouse, what is this called? Answer: Monotony * Physics * Question: Name an environmental side effect of burning fossil fuels. Answer: Fire * Geography * Question: What does the term "lava" mean? Answer: A pre-pubescent caterpillar * Geography * Question: The race of people known as Malays come from which country? Answer: Malaria * Geography * Question: Name one famous Greek landmark Answer: The most famous Greek landmark is the Apocalypse * History * Question: Where was the American Declaration of Independence signed? Answer: At the bottom. -<>- During a heartfelt chat with her friend about relationships, my wife sighed and said, "You know, if something happened to Lloyd, I don't think I could ever marry again." Her friend nodded sympathetically. "I know what you mean," she said. "Once is enough." -<>- The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. "Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill." Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?" "This is my mother." -<>- A Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was. Asking questions during children's sermons is crucial. Asking children questions in front of a congregation can also be very dangerous. After the pastor asked the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand. The pastor called on him And the little boy said, "I'm not sure, but I know that if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are supposed to call the doctor." -<>- We were eating at one of the trendier restaurants in town when my friend pointed to the menu and told the waitress, "I'll have the 24." "Uh, Jim," I whispered, "that's the price, not the meal number." "Oh," he said. "In that case give me the 12." -<>- A man goes into a restaurant, sits down at a table and an attractive young waitress comes for his order. He gives her a smile and says, "I want a quickie." She turns red in the face and ahems, "Sir, I don't know what kind of restaurant you're used to eating in, but I can assure you you're not going to get a quickie here!" "How disappointing," the man replied. "Could you ask the chef to make an exception?" "He doesn't have anything to do with it!" says the waitress indignantly. "Hmmm," do you know anywhere around here where I could get a quickie?" "I'm SURE I don't know," answers the waitress loudly. A patron from the next table leans over and taps the man on the shoulder, "I think it's pronounced QUICHE." ========================================================= >-->For The Ladies From TheMouth: _ / } /'.\ _/ ) (`- ( ,) |/ /| ' ` Elb >The Rules 1. The female always makes the rules. 2. The rules can change without notice. 3. Males can't know the rules. 4. If the female suspects that the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some of the rules. 5. The female never bears the blame for being wrong. 6. If the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something that the male did or said which was wrong. 7. If rule 6 applies, the male must apologize for causing the misunderstanding. 8. The female can change her mind. 9. The male must never change his mind without the consent of the female. 10. The female has every right to be angry or upset at any time. 11. The male must always remain calm unless the female wants him to be angry or upset. 12. The female must never let the male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset. 13. If the female has PMS, there are no rules. 14. The male cannot diagnose PMS. -<>- _____ , ___)) / | 6 6 (___( _e ____/ /_ / \ o\_/ \ / /\' _ _)\ /_< )____/\_\ ___oo' ,ooooo,|_/ -//,-( / |=/ | \ \ \ \ )_______\ / ) / ) / / ( | | / \ | _________ |/_______\|________. = = /( )\ b'ger /,/ 7 \\_ >What I Want in a Man?, Original List (age 22): 1. Handsome 2. Charming 3. Financially successful 4. A caring listener 5. Witty 6. In good shape 7. Dresses with style 8. Appreciates finer things 9. Full of thoughtful surprises 10. An imaginative, romantic lover What I Want in a Man?, Revised List (age 32): 1. Nice looking (prefer hair on his head) 2. Opens car doors, holds chairs 3. Has enough money for a nice dinner 4. Listens as much as talks 5. Laughs at my jokes 6. Carries bags of groceries with ease 7. Owns at least one tie 8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal 9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries 10. Seeks romance at least once a week What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42): 1. Not too ugly (bald head OK) 2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car 3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally 4. Nods head when I'm talking 5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes 6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture 7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach 8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids 9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down 10. Shaves most weekends What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52): 1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed 2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public 3. Doesn't borrow money too often 4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting 5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times 6. Is in good enough shape to get off couch on weekends 7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear 8. Appreciates a good TV dinner 9. Remembers my name on occasion 10. Shaves some weekends What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62): 1. Doesn't scare small children 2. Remembers where bathroom is 3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep 4. Only snores lightly when asleep 5. Remembers why he's laughing 6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself 7. Usually wears clothes 8. Likes soft foods 9. Remembers where he left his teeth 10. Remembers that it's the weekend What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72): 1. Breathing 2. Doesn't miss the toilet -<>- _ _{Ss //\\_/_/\Ss _/_| \_/ \_ pb >WOMEN Women have strengths that amaze men. They carry children, they carry hardships, they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream. They sing when they want to cry. They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous. Women wait by the phone for a "safe at home call" from a friend after a snowy drive home. Women have special qualities about them. They volunteer for good causes. They are pink ladies in hospitals, they bring food to shut-ins. They are child care workers, executives, attorneys, stay-at-home moms, biker babes, and your neighbors. They wear suits, jeans, and they wear uniforms. They fight for what they believe in. They stand up for injustice. They are in the front row at PTA meetings. They vote for the person that will do the best job for family issues. They walk and talk the extra mile to get their children in the right schools and for getting their family the right health care. They write to the editor, their congressmen and to the "powers that be" for things that make for a better life. They don't take "no" for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They stick a love note in their lover's lunch box. They do without new shoes so their children can have them. They go to the doctor with a frightened friend. They love unconditionally. Women are honest, loyal, and forgiving. They are smart, knowing that knowledge is power. But they still know how to use their softer side to make a point. Women want to be the best for their family, their friends, and themselves. They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards. They are happy when they hear about a birth or a new marriage. Their hearts break when a friend dies. They have sorrow at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left. A woman's touch can cure any ailment. They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart. A woman can make a romantic evening unforgettable. Women come in all sizes, in all colors and shapes. They live in homes, apartments and cabins. They drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world spin! Women do more than just give birth. They bring joy and hope. They give compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends. And all they want back is a hug, a smile and for you to do the same to people you come in contact with. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Old Trains And Cars!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trainsandcars.html Trucks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trucks.html Only One Job 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob2.html Life Train!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifetrain.html Jay Leno's Garage!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jaylenogarage.html Last Shot! - http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lastshot.html Road Train Trucks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/roadtrain.html Sweet Wooden Car!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcar.html Over The Limit!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/overthelimit.html Amazing Cop Cars!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars.html Limos In US History!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/limos.html Snow Fun 3!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/snowfun3.html Bikes From The Past!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pastbikes.html -<>- >Please Visit This Link to Get New Traffic For Shangrala :) Fun Pages http://www.funpageexchange.com/go.php?uid=3559 -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) Grizzlies of Pilgrim Creek (Book Trailer) Grizzlies of Pilgrim Creek is the story of the Grizzly Bear known as #399 which is the most famous mother bear known to man. This video features the photographs by nature photographer Thomas D. Mangelsen taken in and around the Yellowstone and Grand Teton National Parks area with a narrative by American writer Todd Wilkinson. 399 could soon go the way of Cecil the Lion if government regulations regarding trophy hunting are changed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=fJ-bOdhyPZo Funny Animals around the world It's not just cats and dogs that can be funny and adorable. Creatures from all around the world are just as cute and hilarious! https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=UF8qKZQ59HU --- ...Lots of SMILES here! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Our Story... Hold onto your seat, don't blink your eyes for a second! This is amazing. Seventeen year old Joe Bush got a high school assignment to make a video reproduction. He chose history as a theme and tucked it all into two minutes. Took pictures from the internet, added the track Mind Heist by Zack Hemsey (from the movie Inception) and then you get this. http://marcbrecy.perso.neuf.fr/history.html --- ...Wowsers! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend Cloie :) Check out With Open Gates: The forced collective suicide of European nations https://www.youtube.com/embed/44vzMNG2fZc --- ...Horrific! Thanks Cloie! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Starbucks is offering something called the duffin. It's a combination of a donut and a muffin. Who says America has lost its exceptionalism?" -Dave Letterman "It is, of course, Nobel Prize week. Today's Nobel Prize was in physics. Here's a physics joke. Why can you never trust an atom? Because they make up everything." -Craig Ferguson "A new study found that American workers lack the problem- solving skills that workers in other countries have. When American workers heard about the study they said, 'What should we do?'" -Jimmy Fallon "A new survey found that only 46 percent of Americans have actually read a book in the past year. Which gets even worse when you hear it was just the instruction manual for Grand Theft Auto 5." -Jimmy Fallon "A college student in Georgia was worried that his parents would be mad at him for flunking English. So he tried to fake his own kidnapping. The parents figured it out when the ransom note said, 'We has your son.'" -Conan O'Brien "Cab drivers are now illegally overcharging you for made-up charges. I was in a cab today and I was charged $11 for shipping and handling." -David Letterman "Nestle has launched a new premium water called 'Resource.' They say it is made specifically for a woman who is a little on the trendy side and the higher income side. 'Resource' sounds so much better than tap water for women who are really rich and stupid." -Jay Leno "A new survey found that 70 percent of Americans admit to 'going through the motions' at their jobs. And the other 30 percent blah, blah, blah, punch line." -Jimmy Fallon "There's a new movie out called 'Now You See Me,' and it's about everyone's favorite subject, magic. It's not that difficult to be a magician. All you need is a cape, a top hat, and a willingness to sell your soul to Satan in exchange for mystical powers." -Craig Ferguson >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************