Understanding Women And More... :) Shangy!

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Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!

or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html

Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net

               ================

*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net

I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!

                ================

"We are each of us angels with but one wing,
           and can only fly by embracing each other"
                    -Luciano Decrescenzo

  ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~
                _
               (_)
                |
           ()---|---()
                |
                |
         __     |     __
        |\     /^\     /|
    jgs   '..-'   '-..'
            `-._ _.-`
                `

*~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~*

>Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel?

If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011
Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click
on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up.

Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed!

PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help:
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OR If you'd rather send us a donation,

Please MAIL it here:

Elrhea Bigham
502 S. Harrison
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*~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY!

                ================

>-->2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :)

This hot scorcher is from our friend Linda. It is more
thought provoking images for a heartwarming page. Check
it out here...
    ______
   |  O   |
   | ,|._ |
   | `A  _|__
   |__|\_\   \ O
          \  ._|.)
           \___A
           _|_ |\  SSt

Life Is... Continued
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lifeis2.html

---
...Aww, I do so love these! Thanks Linda!

This next scorcher is from our friends Johanna and Linda.
Amazing what they are thinking of these days! Check out 
these innovations to make our lives easier...
   _____.-._____
  '-------------'
  |    (o)(0)   |
  |  o.(.--).o  |
  \  O` ) : `o  /
   | o.( _).O  |
    \O' `- 'o /
     |  >|<  |
     \_______/
  .'==========='.
 / o o o o o o o \ LGB
'-----------------'

Thoughts Into Action 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/action2.html

---
...Wowsers! I especially like the bike! Thank You Ladies! 

=========================================================

>-->From The FunnyBone: 

>The Big Decision

   One day, after a man had his annual physical, the doctor came out
   and said,  "You had a great checkup. Is there anything that you'd
   like to talk about or ask me?"

   "Well," he said, "I was thinking about getting a vasectomy."

   "That's a pretty big decision. Have you talked it over with your
   family?"

   "Yeah, and they're in favor 15 to 2."

                   ()-()
                   /o o\
                  _\ Y /_             .--.
           _     O__`&`__0           /____\
        ,_(')<     /   \      [B]    \~~~~/
    jgs \___)     ()/^\()    [A][C]   '--'

-<>-

>The Drummer


        .;--""```````""--;.    A drummer, tired of being ridiculed by
       /(                 )\   his peers, decides to learn how to play
       \_`'-------------'`_/   some "real" musical instruments.  He
       | `';-----;-----;'` |   goes to a music store, walks in,
       | / : \ / : \ / : \ |   approaches the store clerk, and says,
       |V.','.V.','.V.','.V|   "I'll take that red trumpet over there
       \`./_\.;./_\.;./_\.`/   and that accordion."  The store clerk
   jgs  '...___________...'    looks at him a bit funny, and replies,
                               "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher
                               but the radiator's got to stay".


=========================================================

*--------- Even More Bizarre October Holidays ---------* 

October 17 is Gaudy Day
October 18 is No Beard Day
October 19 is Evaluate Your Life Day
October 20 is National Brandied Fruit Day
October 21 is Babbling Day
October 22 is National Nut Day
October 23 is National Mole Day
October 24 is National Bologna Day
October 25 is Punk For A Day Day
October 26 is Mule Day
October 27 is Sylvia Plath Day
October 28 is Plush Animal Lover's Day and National Chocolate Day
October 29 is Hermit Day
October 30 is National Candy Corn Day
October 31 is National Magic Day and Increase Your Psychic Powers Day

=============================================================== 

>-->From TheMouth:

                 mom, you up there?
                       /
               ,==.              |~~~
              /  66\             |
              \c  -_)         |~~~
               `) (           |
               /   \       |~~~
              /   \ \      |
             ((   /\ \_ |~~~
              \\  \ `--`|
              / / /  |~~~
      jgs___ (_(___)_|

>ATTENTION CHILDREN - THE BATHROOM DOOR IS CLOSED!

Please do not stand here and talk, whine, or ask questions.

Wait until I get out.

Yes, it is locked. I want it that way. It is not broken, and
I am not trapped.

I know I have left it unlocked, and even open at times,
since you were born, because I was afraid some horrible
tragedy might occur while I was in there, but it's been 
10 years and I want some PRIVACY.

Do not ask me how long I will be. I will come out when I 
am done.

Do not bring the phone to the bathroom door.

Do not go running back to the phone yelling "She's in the
BATHROOM!"

Do not begin to fight as soon as I go in.

Do not stick your little fingers under the door and wiggle
them. This was funny when you were two.

Do not slide pennies, LEGOs, or notes under the door. Even
when you were two this got a little tiresome.

If you have followed me down the hall talking, and are still
talking as you face this closed door, please turn around,
walk away, and wait for me in another room. I will be glad
to listen to you when I am done.

And yes, I still love you.
Mom

-<>-

>WOMEN'S BUMPER STICKERS:

'So many men, so few who can afford me.'

'Coffee, chocolate, men ... some things are just better rich.'

'Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.'

'Guys have feelings too, But ... who cares?'

'And your point is?'

'Next mood swing: 6 minutes.'

'If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.'

-<>-

>Telephone Poll

I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler. On my
very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a
telephone poll."

The man replied, "Yeeeah, and this is a street lamp!"

-<>-
           ,-=-.
          [[_ @~]
          ((a a))
           ` = '
         _.-) (-._
        /( ("+") )\
       /  \ \./ /  \
      (=<( \/8\/ )>=)
       \ \-  8| -/ /
        \/_> 8|<_\/
         ;-.__;,-;
         |       |
         |       |
         |       |
         |       |
         '-.___,;'
          )  ) /
          '  |(
           ) ( \_
           /_|^--'
    gpyy   \_!
>Military Insurance

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he
advised new recruits about their government benefits,
especially their GI insurance.

It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman
Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling
insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised.

Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of
the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch.

Jones explained the basics of GI Insurance to the new
recruits, and then said, "If you have GI Insurance and go
into battle and are killed, the government has to pay
$200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI
insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the
government only has to pay a maximum of $6000."

"Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are
going to send into battle first?"

=============================================================

>-->From Our Friend Annie :)
    _------_
  -~        ~-
 -     _      -
-      |>      -
-      |<      -
 -     |>     -
  -    ||    -
   -   ||   -
    -__||__-
    |______|
    <______>
    <______>
       \/
unknown

>How many dogs does it take to change a lightbulb?

1. Golden Retriever:  The sun is shining, the day is young, we've
got our whole lives ahead of us and you're  inside worrying about
a stupid burned-out lightbulb? 

2.  Border Collie:  Just one.  And then I'll replace any wiring 
that's not up to code. 

3.  Dachshund:  You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

4.  Rottweiler:  Make me. 

5.  Boxer:  Who cares?  I can still play with my squeaky toys in 
the dark.  I can bat the ball around, too.

6.   Labrador retriever:  Oh, me, me!!! 
Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!  Can I?  Can I?  Huh? 
Huh?  Huh?  Can I?  Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please. 

7.  German Shepherd:  I'll change it as soon as I've led these 
people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, 
and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has
tried to take advantage of the situation. 

8.  Jack Russell Terrier:  I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing
off the walls and furniture. 

9.  Old English Sheepdog:  Light bulb?  I'm sorry, but I don't 
see a light bulb... 

10. Cocker Spaniel:  Why change it?  I can still pee on the carpet
in the dark.... 

11. Chihuahua:  Yo quiero Taco Bulb. 

12. Pointer:  I see it!  There it is, there it is, right there...
 
13. Greyhound:  It isn't moving.  Who cares? 

14. Australian Shepherd:  First, I'll put all the light bulbs 
in a little circle... 

15. Poodle:  I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and 
he'll do it.  By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my
nails will be dry. 
 
               /\____/\    __
             .'  """"  `,-'  `--.__
        __,- :   -  -  ;  " ::     `-. -.__
     ,-sssss `._  `' _,'"     ,'~~~::`.sssss-.
    |ssssss ,' ,_`--'_    __,' ::  `  `.ssssss|
   |sssssss `-._____~ `,,'_______,---_;; ssssss|
    |ssssssssss     `--'~{__   ____   ,'ssssss|
     `-ssssssssssssssssss ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ssss.-'
          `---.sssssssssssssssssssss.---' Susie Oviatt

HOWEVER, The Cat's Answer:  "Dogs do not change light bulbs.  
People change light bulbs.  So, the real question is:  How 
long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner
and a massage?"

---
...LOL! Thanks Annie!

===============================================================

>-->From Our Friend PeggyT :)

           .===.       _         _
          / _/\ \     / )%.===.%( \
          \/6.6\/     | // ,,, \\ |
          (  _  )     \/ \/6.6\/ \/      .===.
          _)---(_     /\ (  _  ) /\     / ,,, \
         /  `~`  \    ^^ /()-()\ ^^    ( /6.6\ )
        /\/     \/\     / /o o\ \      )(  _  )(
        \ |     | /    (._\ Y /_.)    (_/;---;\_)
         \|_____|/      (O_`&`_O)      / `"*"` \
          |  L  |      /  /   \  \    ( (_.@._) )
          |__|__|     /  ()/^\()  \   /'._\|/_.'\
           | | |     /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\
           |_|_|     `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"`
 jgs      _|_|_|_        _|_|_|_        _|_|_|_
         (___|___)      (___|___)      (___|___)

>KIDS IN CHURCH

3-year-old Reese :
'Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name.Amen.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was overheard praying:
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One particular four-year-old prayed,
'And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service,
'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'
One bright little girl replied,
'Because people are sleeping.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
'Ryan, you be Jesus !'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand..
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
'Did God throw him back down?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A wife invited some people to dinner.
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And if you don't send this to at least 8 people ----- 
who cares! Peace, love and happiness

---
...TeeHee! Thanks PeggyT!

===========================================================

>-->From TheMasti:
 expecting?
                  _____
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                   =======  '__ '
>Good Mis-Understanding

Mr. Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around 
his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going 
to have a baby!

The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we 
can't tell anybody."

The next day, Mrs. Sharma receives a telephone call from Reliance 
Energy because the electricity bill has not been paid.

"Am I speaking to Mrs. Sharma?"

"Yes... speaking"

Reliance guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.

"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the Reliance guy.

"What are you saying? It's in your files ...HOW?????"

"Yes ............. We have a system of finding out who's overdue"

"GOODNESS!!!... ........ This is too much........ .."

"Madam, I am sorry... I am following orders.... I have to inform you 
you are overdue"

"I know that ... let me talk to my husband about this tonight. ....He
will speak to your company tomorrow "

That night, she tells her husband about the incident, and he, mad as a 
bull, rushes to Reliance office the next day morning.

"What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? 
What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at Reliance, "it's 
nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."

"PAY you? And if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.

"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle." 

===============================================================

>-->From Our Friend Sandi :)

[An Et-Ahem]
                                            |
                                      --====|====--
                                            |  

                                        .-"""""-. 
                                      .'_________'. 
                                     /_/_|__|__|_\_\
                                    ;'-._       _.-';
               ,--------------------|    `-. .-'    |--------------------,
                ``""--..__    ___   ;       '       ;   ___    __..--""``
                 jgs      `"-// \\.._\             /_..// \\-"`
                             \\_//    '._       _.'    \\_//
                              `"`        ``---``        `"`



A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, 
he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. 
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate
would have it, she took the seat right beside his.

Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out,
"Business trip or pleasure?"

She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual 
Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen 
sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your 
business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from 
my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about 
sexuality."

"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men
are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native 
American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait."

"Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when 
actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best."

"I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina 
is the Southern Redneck."

Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm 
sorry," she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with 
you. I don't even know your name."

"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me 
Bubba."
 
---
...Oh My! Thanks Sandi!

===============================================================

>-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :)
__________________________________________/
-------------------------------------------|
|     |     |~~~~~~~~~~|      |      | jro|
|    *|    *|Bless this|*     |*     |    |
|_____|_____|  ~Home~  |______|______|____|
 _________                        _________
|         `|     ((())           ||       ||
|          |]   ((- -))          ||_______||
|__________|___ ))\o/((          |_________|
|          |---|/ ~v~ \          |_==___==_|
|          |___|/(_ _)\\_________|_________|
|          |___| \   ///---------|@@  @  @@|
|          |   | /   \/  ||__*__|| _______ |
| \\\\     |   |/_____\  ||__*__|||       ||
| ( oo     |___| | | |___||__*__|||_______||
|__\-/_____|___|_| | |___________|_________|
  // \           |_|_|
  \\_|          (_) (_)
>WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

 Keep reading-they get better!!!

-<>-
     _______________
    |,----------.  |\
    ||           |=| |
    ||          || | |
    ||       . _o| | | __
    |`-----------' |/ /~/
     ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ / /
                     ~~
Ojoshiro

>WOMEN'S REVENGE

'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the 
woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a 
television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

-<>-
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                    TSSSSP                               
                     `^^'                                
 
>UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

I know I'm not going to understand women.

I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the 
root, and still be afraid of 
 
           ;               ,           
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-hrr-     ';              ,;'          
            "'           '"            
              '

                a spider.
  
-<>-

>WIFE VS. HUSBAND

A couple drove down a country road for several miles, 
not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an 
argument and neither of them wanted to concede their 
position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, 
and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives 
of yours?' 'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
  
-<>- 

>WORDS

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words 
women use a day. 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, 
'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything 
to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?'   
 
-<>-
         ,-"-.
       _r-----i          _
       \      |-.      ,###.
        |     | |    ,-------.
        |     | |   c|       |                       ,--.
        |     |'     |       |      _______________ C|  |
        (=====)      =========      \_____________/  `=='   cww
(HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

>WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, 'You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, 'You are in charge of cooking around here 
and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can 
just wait for my coffee.'
Wife replies, 'No, you should do it, and besides, it is in
the Bible that the man should do the coffee.'
Husband replies, 'I can't believe that, show me.'
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and 
showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says. 
'HEBREWS'
  
-<>-

>The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would 
need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning 
business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), 
he wrote on a piece of paper, 'Please wake me at 5:00 AM.' 
He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 
9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about 
to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, 'It is 5:00 AM. Wake up.'
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
  
 
God may have created man before woman, but there is always
a rough draft before the masterpiece


SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH 
AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

---
...LMAO! Thanks Jo Ann!

==============================================================

>-->In The Worldly News:

[POLITICS] 

>From Change.org

Please sign Carin's petition to save twenty Kurdish asylum seekers 
from being deported from Sweden and sent to certain persecution in
Iran, and then send it to everyone you know:

Refugees sewed their mouths shut in Sweden
http://tinyurl.com/3zad2na

-<>-

>From BizarreNews: 

Testosterone is responsible for a lot of the stupidity that goes on in
the world, but I find it hard to believe that the following story is 
merely a male pissing contest and did not involve some sort of drugs or 
alcohol. It does, however, feature a watermelon-eating dog.

A police report said the two unidentified brothers got into an argument 
this week in Boston after a dog belonging to one of the men consumed a 
watermelon owned by his brother.

The argument over the missing watermelon escalated into a shouting 
match between the siblings that allegedly caused one brother to 
repeatedly stab himself in order to show he didn't care if he got hurt, 
police say.

A spokesman said when police arrived at the scene to help take the 
injured brother to the hospital, the other brother allegedly tried to 
barricade himself in a room.

Police reported the brother used a saw and hammer to place pieces of 
wood across the door to keep police out of the room.

"During his barricading construction project he stated that he wasn't 
going to get arrested for stabbing his brother," he said, adding that 
police were content to leave him alone after learning the other man's 
wounds were self-inflicted.

But my question is...do dogs really eat watermelon?


  *-- Lawyer's license suspended over slurs --*
CHICAGO - A Chicago attorney who used homophobic and offensive language 
to describe other lawyers has agreed to a temporary suspension of his 
license, officials said. Thomas Guadagno, 66, used terms such as "gay 
scum" and "child molester" to refer to other attorneys while soliciting 
traffic court clients, a complaint filed by the Illinois Attorney 
Registration and Disciplinary Commission said. The name-calling has 
gone on for at least six years, the complaint said, and in 2009 a Cook 
County judge found him guilty of disorderly conduct for yelling 
"scumbag" and "homosexual" at another attorney, the Chicago Tribune 
reported Monday. In the newest action, the commission said Guadagno's 
license would be suspended for a month and he would have to complete 
two years of probation, see a therapist for anger management counseling 
and complete a seminar on attorney professionalism.

  *-- Seniors hospitalized after eating brownies --*
HUNTINGTON BEACH, Calif. - Three senior citizens became sick after 
eating marijuana-laced brownies at a memorial service in Huntington 
Beach, Calif., police said. The three people, described by police as 
being in their 70s and 80s, were admitted Saturday to Hoag Hospital 
with nausea, dizziness and inability to stand unassisted. The patients, 
residents of Huntington Beach and nearby Newport Beach, had been at a 
memorial service for a mutual friend where they had eaten brownies that 
contained marijuana, police said. The patients said they had no idea 
the brownies contained so-called medical marijuana, the Huntington 
Beach Police Department said Sunday in posting on the department's 
Facebook page. "It is important for the community to understand that 
marijuana is a drug, and like all other drugs and alcohol, it is 
important to understand the negative consequences it creates in our 
community," the police department said in the Facebook posting. 
"Calling it 'medical marijuana' does not make it any safer." 

  *-- Surfer rides on back of shark --*
SEASIDE, Ore. - An Oregon surfer who was knocked off his board by a 10- 
to 12-foot shark said he wound up riding for a few seconds on the large 
beast's back. Doug Niblack, whose story was backed up by witnesses, 
said he was surfing Monday at "the cove" in Seaside when the shark, 
which he suspects was a great white, knocked him off his board, 
KATU-TV, Portland, Ore., reported Thursday. Niblack said he landed on 
the shark's back and the monster fish lifted him out of the water above 
his knees for several seconds before swimming away. "It pulled my leg 
about three feet, hooked on my leash, then it was gone," Niblack said. 
"And that was the scariest part, when I didn't know where it was 
anymore." Niblack and fellow surfer Jake Marks said they paddled to 
shore as quickly as they could. "You just have that fight or flight 
thing going on," Marks said. "The shark was a lot bigger than us, so we 
chose flight." Experts said shark sightings are rare on the Oregon 
coast, but they are sometimes found in the area.

  *-- Rioters who 'fess up get free spa day --*
VANCOUVER, British Columbia - A spa chain in Vancouver, Canada, is 
offering $50 "Calm Down" vouchers to anyone who took part in hockey 
riots last June who surrenders to police. The chain of seven Eccotique 
spa outlets has begun an ad campaign inviting rioters to visit a spa 
and describe their looting or arson on June 15 when the Vancouver 
Canucks lost the Stanley Cup to the Boston Bruins. The confessors will 
leave a fingerprint on a spa card and then turn themselves into police. 
When they return to the spa with a police arrest form, they receive the 
$50 voucher to be used toward massages, manicures, pedicures or waxing, 
the company said in a release. Eccotique President Milajne Soligo said 
the offer was not a reward for bad behavior. "Suspects can finally come 
to terms with their conscience, while the police can see justice is 
done" Soligo said. "These people obviously had a lot of pent-up anger 
during all the chaos. We think they need to learn how to calm down and 
relax." The company published an ad showing a rioter in a police mug 
shot wearing a spa face pack. 

===============================================================

>-->From Our Friend Linda :)

                    _,,,_
                  .'     `'.
                 /     ____ \
                |    .'_  _\/
                /    ) a  a|
               /    (    > |
              (      ) ._  /
              )    _/-.__.'`\
             (  .-'`-.   \__ )
              `/      `-./  `.
               |    \      \  \
         jgs   |     \   \  \  \
               |\     `. /  /   \

>My Table of Eight 
  
I am supposed to pick 8 women who have touched my life and whom I 
think might participate. Please send this back to me. Remember to
just read the quotation. That's all you have to do. There is nothing
attached. Just send this to eight women and let me know what happens 
on the fourth day. Sorry you have to forward the message, but try not 
to break this, please. 
 
Quote: 
May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly 
where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite 
possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you 
use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has 
been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you 
are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul 
the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and 
every one of us." 
  
Now, send this to 8 women or more special friends within the next 5 
minutes. And remember to send this back. I count as 1. You'll see why. 

---
...Awww, a sweet one! Thank You Linda!

=================================================================

>-->From CleanLaffs: 
 
          __  __                                             
         |. ||. |    .|                                      
         || ||| |    | |                W                    
         |: ||: |    |'|               [ ]         ._____    
         |  ||  |   |  |     .--'|      3   .---"| |.   |'   
     _   |  ||  |-. |  | __  |.  |     /|  _|__  | ||   |__  
  .-'|  _|  ||  | ||   '-  | ||    \|// / |   |' | |    | |' 
  |' | |.|  ||  | ||       '-'    -( )-|  |   |  | |    | |  
__|  '-' '  ''  ' ""       '       J V |  `   -  |_'    ' |__
                             ___  '    /                     
                             \  \/    |                      
Hilsen, Peer W Hansen-- 

A well-to-do New Yorker was building himself a summer house 
in Maine, and for the job he hired a local carpenter. 

The NYer explained, "I've got the plans right here, you can 
read a blueprint, can't you?" 

"Oh, I can read a blueprint," said the carpenter, unrolling 
the plans. "And I can see a BIG mistake already. You can't 
build this house like this!"

"I certainly can," replied the NYer. "These plans were drawn 
by the best architectural firm in New York. I want to you 
follow them exactly or I'll find myself another contractor." 

"Your funeral," the carpenter shrugged, "but I'm warning 
you right off - you're going to end up with two bathrooms." 

-<>-

A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died 
because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to 
get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife 
to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into 
our second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use 
it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to 
her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it 
needed to be pushed at least 20mph for it to start.

She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off.

I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing.

A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mir-
ror coming at me at about 30 mph, I realized that I should 
have been a bit clearer with my directions...

-<>-

My father always loved fast cars. Taking advantage of the 
empty roads one morning, he accelerated down a wide-open 
stretch.

Unfortunately, a young police officer was waiting at the 
other end, and Dad was flagged down. He greeted the officer 
with a cheery "Good morning." 

"And a good morning to you, Wing Commander," replied
the officer. "Having trouble taking off?"

-<>-

On a visit to the library I happened to notice a man and a 
woman, both deaf, signing with intense gestures, apparently 
in a heated debate. 

The man said something, and the woman seemed upset. She 
started signing her reply very fast, to the point where the 
man couldn't understand a word; she also signed in big, wide 
gestures. 

Finally, looking strained, her companion took her hands, 
"silencing" her. The he signed, very small and slowly, "You 
don't have to shout, I'm not blind."

-<>-
           _                                    _
          (_'----------------------------------'_)
   jgs    (_.==================================._)


Fresh out of high school, I found a job cleaning the elegant
home of an older couple.  Among other duties, I had to dust
their many imported carvings and petrified collectibles as 
well as pick up after their pets.

One day I was astonished to find two ivory fossils lying on 
the floor beside the bookcase.  I quickly picked them up and 
put them back on the shelf.  The next week the same thing
happened.

That afternoon my employer came into the parlor, her faithful
canine behind her.  Looking around, she eyed the bookcase.
"Tricky," she asked the dog, "how in the world do you keep 
getting your bones up there?"

-<>-

The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What
kinds of ice cream do you have?"

"Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she
spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.

"Do you have laryngitis?" the young man asked sympathetically.

"Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry."

-<>-

A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones 
had sent to him by an usher.

       ,`/
       /L',_
       ,\',` \
      ` ,V ||/
        )\ ,( 
         /  \
        /, ` \
       /'   '|
      / |  / |
 ejm `-.   -._

The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife 
desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."

Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience 
by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, 
desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."

-<>-

A scout for one of the leading colleges went to the office of 
the athletic director and announced, "Have I got an athlete 
for you! This guy can play every sport and excels at every 
position. He is absolutely the finest athlete I have ever 
seen play." 

The athletic director was very impressed but had to ask the 
question, "But how is he scholastically?" 

The scout replied, "He makes straight "A"s in every subject. 
However, I must tell you his "B"s are a little crooked."

[Thanks to Richard Miller from Reading, Pa. for sending this 
one in.] 

-<>-

Tony and Angelo were on the dock watching the fleet coming 
into port. Floating past, high in the water, was a submarine. 

Tony pointed to it and asked his friend, "Is that a U-boat?"

And Angelo replied, "No, that's-a not-a my boat."


===============================================================

>-->From The Jokester:

          ///"\
          |6 6|
          \ - /
   .@@@. __) (__
   @6 6@/  \./  \
   @ = @ :  :  : \
   _) (_'|  :  |) )
 /' \./ '\  :  |_/
/ /\ _ /\ \=o==|)
\ \ )  (/ /%|%%'
 '7/    \7%%|%%'
   |    |`%%|%%'
   |    |`%%|%%'
   |    | %%|%%
   |_.._| /_|_\
pjb

>She Came Crawling

Three mates are down the pub. Bill and Joe are arguing about the amount 
of control they have over their wives, while the third bloke, Fred, says
nothing. 

After a while, Bill turns to Fred and says, "Well, what about you? What 
sort of control have you got?" 

"I'll tell you," Fred replies. "Just the other night my missus came 
crawling to me on her hands and knees." 

The other two were absolutely amazed. "What happened then?", Joe asked. 

"She said, 'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man!!!". 

-<>-

>The Back Door

A lonely wife brought a man she had just met at a bar home to her 
bedroom one evening when she thought her husband was out of town. They 
immediately tore each other's clothes off and started going at it. She
sat up quickly in bed as she heard the key in the lock.

"Quick!" she said to the man, "it's my husband! You've got to get out of
here quick!"

"Where's the back door?" the man asked as he grabbed his clothes.

"There isn't one," she replied.

"Where would you like one?" he asked.

-<>-
                .-=-.
               ////"\\
        .=.    ( 6 6 )
       //"\\    \ - /
      (/6 6\)  _.) (._
      )\ = /(-`  `:`  `\
    _(_ ) ( _)-|  :  |\ \
   (_/ `\_/` \ |  :  |/ /
    / (_ @ _) \\_ : _/ /
    \ \)___(/ / |===|_)
     \/`"""`\/  | L |
      |     |   | | |
      |     |   | | |
      |_____|   | | |
        |||     | | |
        |||     | | |
        |||     |_|_|
jgs    / Y \    / T \
       `"`"`    `"`"`
>Playing Fiddle

The husband was angry when he found out that his wife had been cheating 
on him. He shouts at her, "I will play second fiddle to no one!"
The wife replies, "Second fiddle? With your little flute you are lucky 
you are still in the band!"

-<>- 

>Anger Management

HUSBAND: When I get mad at you, you never fight back. How do you control
your anger?
WIFE: I clean the toilet....

HUSBAND: How does that help ?
WIFE: I use your toothbrush.

-<>-
 
Divorce Court

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court
judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."

"That's very generous, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and
then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
 
-<>-

>Caught Cheating

A man returning home a day early from a business trip, got into a taxi 
at the airport after midnight, and while en route to his home, asked 
the driver if he would be a witness, as he suspected his wife was 
having an affair, and expected to catch her in the act. The driver 
agreed, and they both tiptoed into the bedroom, turned on the lights 
pulled the blanket back and found the wife in bed with another man. 

The husband put his gun to the man's head, and the wife shouted, "Don't 
do it, this man has been very generous. Who do you think paid for the
Corvette I said I bought for you, who do you think paid for our new
boat, he did!" 

The husband looked over at the cab driver and said, "What would you do 
in a case like this?" 

The cabbie smiled, and said, "I'd cover him up before he catches cold."

-<>-
               
              
       (("      ") 
       <))     <\(>
       '\|      |\ 
________/|______| \_________  kOs

>Sure Kick

My husband, Michael, and I were at a restaurant with his boss, a rather
stern older man. When Michael began a tale, which I was sure he had told
before, I gave him a kick under the table. There was no response, so I 
gave him another poke. Still the story went on. Suddenly he stopped, 
grinned and said, "Oh, but I've told you this one before, haven't I?"

We all chuckled and changed the subject. Later, on the dance floor, I 
asked my husband why it had taken him so long to get my message.

"What do you mean?" he replied. "I cut the story off as soon as you 
kicked me."

"But I kicked you twice and it still took you awhile to stop!"

Suddenly we realized what had happened. Sheepishly we returned to our 
table. The boss smiled and said, "Don't worry. After the second one I
figured it wasn't for me, so I passed it along!"

-<>-

>Custer's Last Thoughts

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall, so 
he called in an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire 
said, "I am a history buff, and I would like your interpretation of the 
last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going 
out of town on business for a week, and when I return I expect to see
it completed."

Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the 
finished work. To his surprise he found a painting of a cow with a 
halo. Surrounding this there were hundreds of Indians in various stages 
and different positions of making love. Furious he called the artist in.

"What the heck is this?" screamed the billionaire.

"Why that's exactly what you asked for," said the artist smugly. 

"No! I didn't ask for a mural of pornographic filth, I asked for a 
mural of the interpretation of Custer's last thoughts!"

"And there you have it," said the artist, "I call it, 
'Holy cow look at all those f*ing Indians!'"

-<>-
 
    ______                                     ______________
   (     _)                                  _(              )__
  (_ ??? )                                  (  Think About It!   )
   (_____)   ____                          (_ [Was I really EVER_)
            /    \                          (_  this dense?] __)
  ()       ( Huh? )                          (________________)
            \_  _/                                      _
    O        /,'                                       (_)
      __     '                         ___
    ('__`>                           ./,  \            ()
    // o(                           //)< \\\       O
    ':__/                          (/)\__)\`
     /_/\                          | \ )  (_
   |( ) \\ ,_                     __Y''(   \|
  [|\ `._-'\_(\\________________//_ `-./   /|
   ||`.___,-[______________________]-.___,'||
   \`\.,-) `-.|||               ||'   `-.,/||
    \,`.___.  |||              ,||  ,___,'_||
     |______`.|||             / ||,'_______||
        ||==I ||\            / ,|||||     |||
      __||__  ||_\__      __/_//|||||     |||
  ---o--o---o-||\_,-'----`-._// ||+||-----+||-------ool
 
>Just Think About This...

My husband and I divorced over religious differences. 
He thought he was God and I didn't.

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me

Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

God must love stupid people; He made so many.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

Procrastinate Now!

I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three 
thousand times the memory.

Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment
for a pig.

The trouble with life is there's no background music.

The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on. 

=================================================================

>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) 

Extreme Pumpkin Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pumpkin.html

Sweet Baby Overload
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sweetoverload.html

Tale Of Two Swallows
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/swallows.html

Top Reasons To SMILE!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smile.html

Salvation Mountain
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/salvation.html

Extreme Camping
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camp.html

World's Best Husband
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/husbands.html

Mule Vs Lion
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mulelion.html

Floating Hotel
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fhotel.html

Moon Photography Ar
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moonart.html

-<>-

>From Our Friend Linda :)

PLEASE listen to this video - DON'T DELETE

THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT AND SERIOUS LECTURES OF WHAT IS 
HAPPENING IN OUR CIVILIZATION, PLEASE WATCH THIS VIDEO, IT IS WORTH 
EVERY MINUTE AND I SUSPECT YOU WILL WANT TO FORWARD IT JUST AS I AM 
DOING NOW.
 
There are none as deaf as those that will not hear.
Once again, Political correctness will be our demise.
The canary in the coal mine is once again at work.
 
Make your own conclusion.
 
Please listen to this video 
http://livestre.am/Pfu4

-<>- 

How to read bar codes...

Country codes - check Origins:
http://www.snopes.com/politics/business/barcodes.asp

---
...Most interesting! Thanks Linda

-<>-

A wee Scottish Granny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yqvoka4CHVg&NR=1

---
...LOL! Great show! Thanks Linda!

-<>-

Linda sent us one we have here...

Syria And Rosco
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/orang2.html

---
...Awww, a heartwarming story! Thanks for the reminder Linda!

-<>-

>From Our Friend Annie :)

[An Et-Ahem]

ARE YOU EVER TOO OLD?
http://suddenlysenior.com/fullstory.html

---
...Goodness gracious! Thanks Annie!

-<>-

>From LynnLynn's Links: 

Movie Links

What A Wonderful World
http://www.buffaloschips.com/71604.htm

What Old People Do For Fun
http://www.buffaloschips.com/71605.htm

What The West Would Have Been Like With Shetland Ponies
http://www.buffaloschips.com/71606.htm

When The Parents Are Gone
http://www.buffaloschips.com/71607.htm

Whit Arlington
http://www.buffaloschips.com/71608.htm

Image Change
http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsfjsdfjh.htm

In Case Of Earthquake
http://www.buffaloschips.com/iouiouo.htm

Incompatible
http://www.buffaloschips.com/lkjkl.htm


If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com

==============================================================

>-->Quotes & Thunkers: 

"For those who may not know this: When the preacher says,
'You may now kiss the bride,' he's only speaking to the
groom." - David Gunter

"We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from
artificial flavors and furniture polish is made with real
lemons." --Alfred E. Newman

"When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was
kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they
said, 'We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid
again.'" - Rodney Dangerfield

"Nobody believes the official spokesperson, but everybody 
trusts an unidentified source." -Ron Nesen 

"We use a really strong sunblock when we go to the beach with 
the kids because we're always afraid of cancer. It's SPF 80: 
you squeeze the tube and a sweater comes out." -Lew Schneider

"I just turned thirty. I'm at that point in life where you 
want to eat Fruity Pebbles, but you're concerned about the 
fiber content." -Paul Provenza

"Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light 
bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed! -Thomas Edison's Mother

"They do a lot of animal testing in the cosmetics industry, 
maybe they should brag about it in their ads. 'Aquanet hair 
spray, if it can blind a spider monkey, it can make your 
hair look luscious.'" -Vernon Chapman

"I had a stick of Carefree gum, but it didn't work very well. 
I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as 
soon as the gum lost its flavor, I went back to pondering my 
mortality." -Mitch Hedberg 

"When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, 'Give
me a table near a waiter.'"
- Henny Youngman

"According to a new study, college tuition for a baby born
today will cost $36,000 a year. That's crazy, isn't it?  Why
would anyone send a baby to college?"
- Jay Leno

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but
none of them serious."
- Alan Minter

"I have a bumper sticker that says, 'Don't honk if you can't
read this.' Everywhere I drive, I leave confused people in
my wake."
- Craig Tanis 

"With my wife, nothing is wasted. When the cuffs wear out in
my shirt, it becomes a short-sleeved shirt. When the collar
goes, it becomes a pajama top. Right now I've got 44
short-sleeved pajama tops. Sometimes, when I've got nothin'
to do, I sit around the house and change pajama tops."
- Rodney Dangerfield

"For safety's sake, I try not to go to the ATM at night. I 
also try not to go with my four-year-old who like to scream, 
'We got money! We got money!'" -Paul Clay



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