Useful Phrases At Work... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) The first scorcher is from our friend Jo Ann. Your heart will go out to some of these poor animals but some will simply make you burst out laughing! Give this one plenty of time to load... , ,-. _,---._ __ / \ / ) .-' `./ / \ ( ( ,' `/ /| \ `-" \'\ / | `. , \ \ / | /`. ,'-`----Y | ( ; | ' | ,-. ,-' | / | | ( | hjw | / ) | \ `.___________|/ `--' `--' Stuck Animals http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stuck.html --- ...Aww, an adorable one! Thanks Jo Ann! -<>- Next we have a too hot to handle one from our friend PatDeE. It was so amazing I had to look it up and do a page on it. I want his basement! John Scapes' Basement http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/basement.html --- ...What a great work! Thanks PatDeE! ========================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: .-"^`\ /`^"-. .' ___\ /___ `. / /.---. .---.\ \ | // '-. ___________________________ .-' \\ | | ;| \/--------------------------// |; | \ || |\_) (_/| || / \ | \ . \ ; | || ; / . / | / '\_\ \\ \ \ \ | Useful Phrases At Work ||/ / / // /_/' \\ \ \ \| |/ / / // jgs `'-\_\_\ /_/_/-'` '--------------------------' Can you identify yourself or your co-workers in any of these? 1. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. 2. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. 3. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject. 4. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. 5. Ahhh ...I see the screw-up fairy has \ / visited us again... ((^\ -= * =- \\ \() / \ 6. I'm already visualizing the duct tape >>/(_.' over your mouth. ((/\\ jgs /| 7. How about never? Is never good for you? `` 8. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist. 9. I don't know what your problem is but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce. 10. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. 11. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?! 12. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 13. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. 14. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of bad Karma to burn off. 15. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. 16. No, my powers can only be used for good. 17. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me. 18. You sound reasonable.....time to up my medication. 19. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys! 20. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. 21. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message... 22. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. 23. At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits. 24. Who me? I just wander from room to room. 25. It might look like I'm doing nothing but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy. ================================================================= +---------- Even More Bizarre January Holidays -----------+ January 21 is National Hugging Day January 22 is National Answer Your Cat's Question Day and National Blonde Brownie Day January 23 is National Handwriting Day, National Pie Day, and Measure Your Feet Day January 24 is Eskimo Pie Patent Day January 25 is Opposite Day January 26 is Australia Day January 27 is Punch the Clock Day and Thomas Crapper Day January 28 is National Kazoo Day, Clash Day, Rattle Snake Round-Up Day January 29 is National Cornchip Day January 30 is Escape Day January 31 is National Popcorn Day and Child Labor Day ============================================================== >-->From ArcaMax Jokes: .-., ,--. ,--. `/|~\ \__/T`--' . x |`' __ ,-~^~-.___ ==I== | |--| / \__} | | | |{ /~\ } | /|\ \__/ \ \_/ /| /|\ / | \| | /`~-_-~'X.\ //| \ unknown >Travel Not a Music Store A guy walks into a shop. "You got one of them Marshall Hiwatt AC30 amplificatior thingies and a Gibson StratoBlaster geetar with a Fried Rose tremulo?" "You're a drummer, aren't you?" "Yeah. How'd you know?" "This is a travel agency." -<>- >Disturbing Find One morning Bobby's mother was cleaning his room, and she found a dirty magazine depicting spanking under the bed. She was beside herself worrying, trying to think of how to handle the situation. Finally her husband came home from work, and he asked her how her day was. The mother told him about the magazine. Shaking, she asked him how they were going to handle this situation. Her husband sat there for awhile, sighed, and said, "Well, I guess spanking him is out of the question. -<>- ,==. \\// .-~~-. ,",-""-.". | | | | | | .-"| |. ". `,",-" ,'.". `| |_,-' | | | | | | hjw ". `-._,-' ." `-.___,-' >A Good Gift A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas. After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles." "She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?" -<>- >Three Men When I asked my boss for a salary rise because I was doing the work of three men he said he couldn't increase my pay, but if I told him the names of the three men he'd fire them. ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Johanna: Most of us have read the so-called comparison of Lincoln and Kennedy, but did you ever consider the relationship between Obama and Lincoln? You might be surprised. __-----__ ..;;;--'~~~`--;;;.. /;-~IN GOD WE TRUST~-.\ // ,;;;;;;;; \\ .// ;;;;; \ \\ || ;;;;( /.| || || ;;;;;;; _\ || || ';; ;;;;= || ||LIBERTY | ''\;;;;;; || \\ ,| '\ '|><| 1995 // \\ | | \ A // `;.,|. | '\.-'/ ~~;;;,._|___.,-;;;~' ''=--' - Daniel C Au - >Parallels of Abraham Lincoln and B. H. Obama: 1. Lincoln placed his hand on the Bible for his inauguration. Obama used the same Bible. 2. Lincoln came from Illinois . Obama comes from Illinois . 3. Lincoln served in the Illinois Legislature. Obama served in the Illinois Legislature. 4. Lincoln had very little experience before becoming President. Obama had very little experience before becoming President. 5. Lincoln rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration. Obama rode the train from Philadelphia to Washington for his inauguration. 6. Lincoln was a skinny lawyer. Obama is a skinny lawyer. 7. Lincoln was a Republican. Obama is a skinny lawyer. 8. Lincoln was in the United States military. Obama is a skinny lawyer. 9. Lincoln believed in everyone carrying their own weight. Obama is a skinny lawyer. 10. Lincoln did not waste taxpayers' money on personal enjoyments. Obama is a skinny lawyer. 11. Lincoln was highly respected. Obama is a skinny lawyer. 12. Lincoln was born in the United States . Obama is a skinny lawyer. 13. Lincoln was honest, so honest he was called Honest Abe. Obama is a skinny lawyer who lies. 14. Lincoln saved the United States . Obama is a skinny lawyer. 15. Lincoln freed the slaves. Obama is a skinny lawyer trying to enslave the free! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. --- ...HaHa! Good ones! Thanks Johanna! -<>- , , , , ,| , , , , , || || || || ||| || || || || || ||__||__||__||__|||_||__||__||__||__|| |.--..--..--..--..--..--..--..--..--.| ||__||__||__||__|||_||__||__||__||__|| |.--..--..--..--..--..--..--..--..--.| || || || || ||| || || || || || \\//|\//gnv/\||/|\/\||\\|//\|\|//\|//\\/// >Which side of the fence? If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test! If a Conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a Liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect. If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him. If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels. liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down. If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his. If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A liberal will delete it because he's "offended". Well, I forwarded it. --- ...Aww, easy to figure huh? Thanks Johanna! =================================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) ____ ____ ____ /....\ /....\ /....\ .-. |::::::| .-. |::::::| .-. |::::::| | | |::::::| | | |::::::| | | |::::::| | | (`:'':') | | (`:'':') | | (`:'':') | | _--|__|--__ | |.--|__|--__ | |_--|__|--__ | | | ________|_|_|_ ________|_|_|_ ________|_____ | | / | | | | | | | |/ / | | | | | | |_| |/| | | | | | | (===)| | | M U P | | M U P | | M U P | `===' |`-| |`-| |`-| | | | |`-| |`-| |`-| | |_| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |`-| |`-| |`-| | |__| |__| |__| | /_ | |_ | |_ | | |___`-__________-'__`-__________-'__`-__________-' MasterMind >Terrorist Alert Levels The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats, and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940, when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years. The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. Americans meanwhile, and as usual, are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies "just in case." Canada doesn't have any alert levels. New Zealand has raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA"... Due to continuing defence cutbacks, New Zealand has only one more level of escalation, which is "I hope Australia will come and rescue us." Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, mate." Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend" and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the final escalation level. --- ...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks PatDeE! =============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From GrassFire: A critically important House vote to repeal ObamaCare is expected as soon as January 19, and Grassfire Nation will be delivering petitions in support of the repeal. In order to ensure that petitions from Grassfire Nation citizens are delivered in time for the expected vote in just a few days, we must have your signed petition by 9am Est. tomorrow (Tuesday). This will likely be your last opportunity to have a voice in this important debate about the government takeover of our healthcare prior to the House vote. "REPEAL OBAMACARE" PETITION. IF YOU WANT YOUR VOICE HEARD ON THIS ISSUE GO HERE AND SIGN NOW: http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?u=36413&RID=10702139 As we reported in our earlier alert, the repealing of ObamaCare is far and away the most important issue of Grassfire Nation team members -- more than doubling other important issues! In response, we are giving you an unprecedented opportunity to take that message to Capitol Hill -- the very lawmakers who will decide the healthcare fate of our nation. This vote will set the tone for all future action on ObamaCare -- action that Robet Pear of the New York Times suggests will "chip away" to ultimately defund ObamaCare. This is precisely why citizens like you are taking action and weighing in at this critical time. Click here now to be included in our Tuesday petition delivery to Capitol Hill before the vote takes place: http://www.grassfire.net/r.asp?u=36413&RID=10702139 Thank you for your outstanding efforts. Your friends at Grassfire Nation -<>- >From BizarreNews: The Illinois state legislature just approved a 66 percent increase in the state tax. It's the latest symptom of the huge budget deficits the entire country is facing. Although what we're going through in the United States is mild compared to some of the austerity measures they are implementing in parts of Europe. Take Romania for example. As part of their new budget Romania is imposing new taxes on witches. Like the broomstick and black cat kind of witches...which is apparently a thriving minority in Romania. The tax on witches went into effect as part of the govern- ment's drive to crack down on tax evasion in a country that is in recession. Like any self-employed person, they will pay 16 percent income tax and make contributions to health and pension programs. And they are not happy about it. Angry witches from Romania's eastern and western regions are planning to descend to the southern plains and the Danube River to threaten the government with spells and spirits. The plan is to use cat excrement and dead dogs to cast spells on the president and government who are forcing them to pay taxes. "This law is foolish. What is there to tax, when we hardly earn anything?" commented a witch named Alisia during a phone interview...probably because she was getting bad reception on her crystal ball. "The lawmakers don't look at themselves, at how much they make, their tricks; they steal and they come to us asking us to put spells on their enemies." Lawmakers are prepared, however. The president and his aides are going to wear purple to ward off evil spirits. Purple has a high vibration, it makes the wearer superior and wards off evil attacks. Well, it's cheaper than bodyguards. -- Alcohol blamed for bird deaths in Romania ------- BUCHAREST, Romania - Dozens of dead starlings found in a Romanian city were not victims of avian flu, as first feared, but were the victims of alcohol poisoning, officials said. Residents found the dead birds on the outskirts of Constanta, BBC News reported this week. Authorities were notified out of concern they might have died from avian flu. Romania has had outbreaks of avian flu in the past, including a March 2010 incident that resulted in some birds being culled. However, local veterinary officials said the starlings died after eating grape pulp left over from wine-making. Analysis of the starlings' gizzards showed they died from alcohol poisoning, the head of the local sanitary and veterinary authority said. -- Police cars damaged by wrong fuel ---------- CHELMSFORD, England - A British county's police force said about $100,000 has been spent repairing 332 patrol cars filled with the wrong fuel during the past seven years. Essex police said gas caps playing a recorded reminder not to use anything but diesel fuel failed to stop officers from using regular gasoline on the patrol vehicles at least 332 times in the past seven years, The Daily Telegraph reported Thursday. The police department said 222 of the occasions took place in the five years preceding 2008, when the recorded voice reminder system was put in place. However, the system did not stop 110 further incidents during the following two years. "We are constantly reminding staff to ensure they use the correct fuel. However, our staff drive both petrol and diesel vehicles during the course of their work and unfortunately mistakes happen," a police spokeswoman said. "We have around 900 vehicles and do fit devices to prevent wrong fueling. This is not a concern unique to the police service and is a problem nationally." -<>- >From Archived 9/28/07 CoffeeBreak: Tiny dog makes long trek home A tiny dog showed great heart and determination this week when it managed to trek more than seven miles back to its owners' home in Pennsylvania. The Pittsburgh Tribune- Review said Wednesday that after Bailey the bichon frise disappeared last weekend, its owner never thought the tiny dog would return to its home in North Huntingdon, Penn. But three days after the feisty dog disappeared more than seven miles away from home, Janet Staigvil was shocked to hear a familiar crying at her front door. Sure enough, it was Bailey attempting to be let inside and for Staigvil it was a dream come true. But while she endured three days of frantic searching for her missing pet, Staigvil admitted to the newspaper that Bailey likely endured a lot more. "He was crying, and you could tell he is still a little sore, but he's so happy to be home. He jumped the whole way up into my arms when I went out to the front to see if it was him," the ecstatic dog owner said. Police: Suspect had loincloth, attitude A man who was arrested as a burglary suspect in Belmont County, Ohio, earlier this week came equipped with his own loincloth and bad attitude, police said. A Belmont County sheriff's deputy, Cheif Hummel, said the unusually hostile burglary suspect was arrested after police responded to a call about a man in a loin cloth earlier this week, West Virginia's WOTV-TV, Wheeling, reported Tuesday. "I've been at this for a long time, and I don't believe I've ever seen anyone in a loincloth," Hummel said of Monday's events. The shoes that the man was allegedly wearing at the time of his arrest were later identified as items stolen in a recent burglary. But once the suspect was in custody, he allegedly piled up some additional charges by issuing a series of threats to the local police. "He threatened that he's going to come down and kill us all with a machine gun and AK-47," Hummel alleged. WOTV-TV said the man now faces a felony two burglary charge as well as a count of aggravated menacing and failure to comply. Police capture gator on its morning stroll Cleveland police teamed with a reptile enthusiast Wednesday to help capture an alligator that apparently decided to enjoy a nice morning stroll. After the potentially deadly animal was safely restrained by local authorities, police were contacted by an unidentified woman who informed them of the large reptile's probable owner, the Cleveland Plain Dealer reported. "I have seen the guy outside on the sidewalk playing with that thing. It is huge," the unidentified informant said in an e-mail. "That makes me angry -- there are tons of kids in that area, waiting for school buses in the morning." She also warned that the animal did not appear to be too pleased with how it's owner used it as entertainment for his friends, the newspaper reported. "He was setting it down, letting it run a little, then picking it up and putting it back where it started," she said. "The alligator was whipping his tail and head around and did not look very happy." ================================================================ >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: ___ | ~~--. |%=@%%/ |o%%%/ __ |%%o/ _,--~~ | |(_/ ._ ,/' m%%%%| |o/ / `\. /' m%%o(_)%| |/ /o%%m `\ /' %%@=%o%%%o| /(_)o%%% `\ / %o%%%%%=@%%| /%%o%%@=%% \ | (_)%(_)%%o%%| /%%%=@(_)%%% | | %%o%%%%o%%%(_|/%o%%o%%%%o%%% | | %%o%(_)%%%%%o%(_)%%%o%%o%o%% | | (_)%%=@%(_)%o%o%%(_)%o(_)% | \ ~%%o%%%%%o%o%=@%%o%%@%%o%~ / \. ~o%%(_)%%%o%(_)%%(_)o~ ,/ \_ ~o%=@%(_)%o%%(_)%~ _/ `\_~~o%%%o%%%%%~~_/' `--..____,,--' A man returns from a trip to Shanghai and is feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a series of tests. The man wakes up after these tests in a private room at the hospital and the phone by his bed rings. "This is your doctor," says the voice on the phone. "We have the results back from your tests. I'm sorry to report that you have an extremely contagious deadly disease known as G.A.S.H." "G.A.S.H?" replies the man. "What in the hell is that?" "It's a combination of Gonorrhea, AIDS, SARS, and Herpes," explains the doctor. "My gosh, Doc!" screams the man in a panic, "what are we going to do?" "Well we're going to put you on a strict diet of pizza, pancakes, quesadillas, and pita bread," says the doctor matter-of-factly. "Will that cure me?" "Well, no," says the doctor, "but it's the only food that will fit under the door." -<>- _________ / \ / _ _ _ \ |/ \ / \ / \| \ | _ | / o `(_}' o \/.X.\/ |_| // \\ \\ // U U nmf >The Parachute You are one of "two" people on a malfunctioning airplane with only one parachute. How would you react? Pessimist: you refuse the parachute because you might die on the jump anyway. Optimist: you refuse the parachute because people have survived crashes just like this before. Procrastinator: you play a game of Monopoly for the parachute. Bureaucrat: you order them to conduct a feasibility study on parachute use in multi-engine aircraft under code red conditions. Lawyer: you charge one parachute for helping them sue the airline. Doctor: you tell them you need to run more tests, then take the parachute in order to make your next appointment. Sales executive: you sell them the parachute at top retail rates and get the names of their friends and relatives who might like one too. Internal Revenue Service: you confiscate the parachute along with their luggage, wallet, and gold fillings. Engineer: you make them another parachute out of aisle curtains and dental floss. Scientist: you give them the parachute and ask them to send you a report on how well it worked. Mathematician: you refuse to accept the parachute without proof that it will work in all cases. Philosopher: you ask how they know the parachute actually exists. English major: you explicate simile and metaphor in the parachute instructions. Computer Science: you design a machine capable of operating a parachute as well as a human being could. Economics: you plot a demand curve by asking them, at regular intervals, how much they would pay for a parachute. Psychoanalysis: you ask them what the shape of a parachute reminds them of. Drama: you tie them down so they can watch you develop the character of a person stuck on a falling plane without a parachute. Art: you hang the parachute on the wall and sign it. Environmentalist: you refuse to use the parachute unless it is biodegradable. Sports Fan: you start betting on how long it will take to crash. Auto Mechanic: as long as you are looking at the plane engine, it works fine. Surgeon General: you issue a warning that skydiving can be hazardous to your health. Association of Tobacco Growers: you explain very patiently that despite a number of remarkable coincidences, studies have shown that jumping out of a plane is NOT harmful to your health. -<>- _.-'`'-._ .-' _ '-. `-.__ `\_.-' | `-``\| jgs `-.....-A # # The teacher had been giving her second-grade students a science lesson. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked the class, "My name begins with the letter 'M' and I pick up things. What am I? A little boy in the front row, his eyes lit up with the knowledge that he knew the answer, waved proudly at the teacher and shouted out, "You're a mother!" ================================================================== >-->From The MouthPiece: .--. ________ |Oo| |()| | -} .----\""/----. | \/ | | | . | | | | . | |____/__ Pick Up Lines \ \ . (_____/_= \ \ \ \/\=[]===) (""\ | | |_/ | | | | Tim Campbell ------------------ Pick Up Lines ------------------- -I'm new in town. Could you give me directiions to your apartment? -I'm sorry, were you talking to me? Her: Noo. Well then, please start. -If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd putt U and I together. -If I followed you home, would you keep me?? -If you were a tear in my eye I would not ccry for fear of losing you. -Is there an airport nearby or is that justt my heart taking off? -My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of youur love. -So there you are! I've been looking all ovver for YOU, the girl of my dreams! -Stand still so I can pick you up! -Was you father an alien? Because there's nnothing else like you on earth! -What time do you have to be back in heavenn? -What was that sound? It was the sound of mmy heart break- ing. -What's a nice girl like you doing in a plaace like this? -What's that in your eye? Must just be a twwinkle. -What's your sign? -Where have you been all my life? -Would you touch me so I can tell my friendds I've been touched by an angel? -Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake toogether? -Wow. -You look like an angel. Welcome to Earth. -You must be a hell of a thief 'cause you sstole my heart from across the room. -Your daddy must have been a baker, 'cause you've got a nice set of buns. -Your legs must be tired because you've beeen running through my mind all night. -<>- ,--------._._._ / o ,--'"""` ` ` (___/G (__| (__| sdm : ; ; _,' '` Shaun Mead >Eleven Step Guide to Being Handy Around the House 1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver. 2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help. 3. Despite what you may have been told by your mother, pray- ing and cursing are both helpful in home repair ... but only if you are working alone. 4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can ... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator. 5. If it's electronic, get a new one ... or consult a twelve-year-old. 6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the "on" switch; or just paint over it. 7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it. 8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help. 9. If something looks level, it is level. 10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. 11. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid. -<>- ."";._ _.---._ _.-"". /_.'_ '-' /`-` \_ \ .' / `\ \ /` \ '. .' / ; _ _ '-; \ ;'. _.' ; /\ / \ \ \ ; '._;._ .-'.--. | / | \0|0/ \ | '-. / /` \ | / .' \ | .---. \ | | | / /--' .-"""-. \ \/ \ | \ \ / / / ( , , ) /\ \ | / \ '----' .' | '-(_)-' | | '. / / `'----'` | '. | `'----'` jgs \ `/ '. , .' `-.____.' '.____.-' \ / '-' >DOG RULES 1. The dog is not allowed in the house! 2. Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms. 3. The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture. 4. The dog can get on the OLD furniture only. 5. Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed. 6. All right, the dog is allowed on the bed, but ONLY by invitation. 7. The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but NOT under the covers. 8. The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation ONLY. 9. The dog can sleep under the covers every night. 10. Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog. ============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ,;;;, ;;;;;;; .-'`\, '/_ .' \ ("`(_) / `-,.'\ \_/ \ \/\ `--` \ \ \ / /| | /_/ |_| jgs ( _\ ( _\ #:## #:## #:## #:## #:## #:## #:## I was meeting a friend in a hotel bar, and as I went in I noticed two pretty girls looking at me. "Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed. Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten. "I don't want to ruin it for you," he said, "but when I walked in, they were speaking German." -<>- A maiden at college, Miss Breeze, Weighed down by B. A.'s and Lit. D.'s Collapsed from the strain, Said her doctor, "It's plain, "You're killing yourself by degrees. -<>- __ L_\_ L__J ()() hs Growing up as a kid, I learned all about capitalism through the board game Monopoly. I mean, what better way to teach a young mind the way our economy functions. I loved this game and still do. Only now, as an adult I have some questions that remain unanswered. For instance, if I have all this money and own all this real estate...why am I still driving around in a thimble? -<>- While working in the psychology department at Glen Oaks Community College in Centreville, MI, I was asked to enlarge a chart for a meeting. I called the copy room and asked, "Can I get something blown up down there?" After a pause the voice on the line replied, "I think you want the chemistry lab." -<>- The Dean of admissions at Bates College in Maine reads through reams of applications from nervous high school seniors, some maybe a little more nervous than others. Here are a few... "If there is a single word to describe me, that word would be 'profectionist'." "I was abducted into the National Honor Society." "I function well as an individual and a group." "Mathematics has hung like a stork around my neck." [Borrowed from Reader's Digest.] -<>- .-. ## ) * _.-+*'`*+-._ ,## _ _ #. ;### ((.;;.)) ##: .=._.; ,-*:;;:*-. *##:._.=, >##; *-')_@@_(`-* ;###< ---------------`****------(o `` o)-----*****'-------------e:l `-""-' A cattle rancher went into town on a Saturday night for a sit-down steak dinner. Whenthe waiter brought him his steak it was rare--very rare. The cow-puncher looked at it and demanded that it be returned to the kitchen and cooked. "It is cooked," snapped the waiter. "Cooked--nothing," replied the cow-puncher. "I've seen cows injured worse than this and recover!" =============================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: __ / \ |.--.| (` . TS . ') \;;`..' / ;~- -~;), ,; . /(;,, __;;- (;(.;); / ;,~; \);;(;,; / (. )( .);~;)`~ / / \ /\;(; ~` \ \ ) ( /;~;` \ \|||||||\ ||\ /|| >Secular Music Driving home from church one Sunday, the father tuned the radio to a country and western station. "How can you stand that stuff?" complained his 16-year-old son. "It's all about lonesome cowboys, gunfights and broken hearts." Knowing he preferred rock 'n' roll, the dad asked, "Well, what's your music about?" "That's the beauty of it," the son said. "You just don't know -<>- _______________________ |\_____________________/| || || || _ _ || || / ) / ) __ |_| || || / -|- / -- | || || `== `== ' || || _____ || ||______________#####__|| jgs |/_____________________\| >True Science Recognizes God in Creationism Prior to his death in 1984, Paul Dirac was called "the world's greatest living physicist." His pioneering discoveries led to the Nobel Prize in physics in 1933 and led to the study of quantum mechanics. Called by some the equal of Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein, at age 30 he became the youngest person ever to hold a professorship at Cambridge University. When Dirac was asked once why gravitational forces were getting weaker, he responded, "Why? Because God made it so." Dirac insisted that science and religion were not at odds; rather, "they are both seekers after truth." The scientist believed that God used "beautiful mathematics" to create the world. "Beautiful, but not simple. My theories are based on faith that there is reason for all the numbers nature provides us with." See: Psa 19:1; Prov 2:3-6; Rom 1:20 =================================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: . | . \ | / `. \ ' / .' `. .-*""*-. .' "*-._ /.*" "*.\ _.-*" : ; ____ """"': .. ; _.-*" \ `.__.' / "*-._ .' `-.__.-' `. bug .' / . \ `. / | \ ' | ` 10 Commandments for Peace of Mind **. Thou shalt not worry -- most of the things we worry about never happen. **. Thou shalt not try to cross bridges before coming to them -- it simply can't be done. **. Thou shalt face each problem as it comes -- you can only handle one at a time anyway. **. Thou shalt not take problems to bed with thee -- they make very poor bedfellows. **. Thou shalt not try to relive yesterday -- just live today. **. Thou shalt not carry a grudge -- it is a worthless thing, and a terribly heavy load. **. Thou shalt not hate -- nothing is more damaging to the heart. **. Thou shalt look for goodness -- beauty and truth are all around. **. Thou shalt listen for wisdom -- almost everyone has a valuable lesson to teach. **. Thou shalt count thy blessings -- the more we treasure them, the faster they multiply! -<>- _,--''--,_ _,-'~~'-, ( '' {}{} }{ {}{} }{| {}{} }{}( ) ,__ , \ {}{} {}{) / \' ) '\ / ~/\ (\/) {}{/ / \ | | /| / \ }{ }{( ) ( ) ( ) ( ) | |} {}{\\ \\ (/ || | u|{ }{}{\\ \\ || || \ | |\ |\ |\ |\ (\o -- '' -'-' ~` "" ~` ~`' ~` '"' "' -- '' -'-' miK >Things a True Southerner Knows: ** The difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit. ** Pretty much how many fish make up a mess. ** What general direction cattywumpus is. ** That "gimme sugar" don't mean pass the sugar. ** When somebody's "fixin" to do something, it won't be long. ** How good a cold grape Nehi and cheese crackers are at a country store. ** Knows what, "Well I Suwannee !!" means. ** Ain't nobody's biscuits like Grandma's biscuits !! ** A good dog is worth its weight in gold. ** Real gravy don't come from the store. ** The War of Northern Aggression was over state rights, not slavery. ** When "by and by" is. ** How to handle their "pot likker". ** The difference between "pert' near" and "a right far piece". ** The differences between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and trailer trash. ** Never to go snipe hunting twice. ** At one point learned what happens when you swallow tobacco juice. ** Never to assume that the other car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn. ** You may wear long sleeves, but you should always roll 'em up past the elbows. ** You should never loan your tools, pick-up, or gun to nobody. ** A belt serves a greater purpose than holding Daddy's pants up. ** Rocking chairs and swings are guaranteed stress relievers. ** Rocking chairs and swings with an old person in them are history lessons. ********** GOD BLESS DIXIE !!!!************* -<>- >Who's The boss? Kyle and Justin were about to eat with the baby-sitter when 6 year old, kyle said, "You can't sit in Daddy's seat" "Daddy's not home," the babysitter replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss" Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you sit over there." He pointed to his mother's chair. -<>- ____________ .F............T. | .----------. | | |',' ',' , | | _......_ .''''''''''. | `----------' | _+' `+_ .' '. _|.-. _...._ .-.|_ _/.-. _...._ .-.\_ _|.-. _...._ .-.|_ (_)`-' __[]__ `-'(_) (_)`-' __{}__ `-'(_) (_)`-' __/\__ `-'(_) (....__|LESTER|__....) (....__|LESTER|__....) (....__|LESTER|__....) | | ~~~~~~ | | | | ~~~~~~ | | | | ~~~~~~ | | `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' `-' >God's Car Wash The church choir was putting on a car wash to raise money to pay their expenses for a special trip. They made a very large sign, CAR WASH FOR CHOIR TRIP, and on the given Saturday business was very good. But by two o'clock the skies clouded and the rain poured and there were hardly any customers. Finally, one of the girl washers had an idea. She printed up an even bigger poster which said, WE WASH (then an arrow pointing skyward) GOD RINSES. Business boomed! -<>- >With or Without? Which Looks Best? Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!" -<>- .---. /_____\__ .===. _ _ `\/6.6\/--` / _/\ \ / )%.===.%( \ ( _ ) \/6.6\/ | // ,,, \\ | ,'---', ( _ ) \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===. / _ \ _)---(_ /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \ /\/ (_) \/\ / `~` \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ ) .=@=. \ | (_) | / /\/ \/\ / /o o\ \ )( _ )( / \ \| |/ \ | | / (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_) \ 6.6 / |_____| \|_____|/ (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \ ( _ ) | | | | L | / / \ \ ( (_.@._) ) .-'---'-. | | | |__|__| / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\ / . . \ \__|__/ | | | /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\ _/ /| , |\ \_ |_|_| |_|_| `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"` (__/{`"==="`}\__) jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ /\_ _/\ (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) _| /`"`\ |_ ( \ / \ / ) \_/ \_/ >ARE YOU READY TO HAVE KIDS: MESS TEST Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer. TOY TEST Obtain a 55 gallon box of Legos (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night. GROCERY STORE TEST Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage. DRESSING TEST Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside. FEEDING TEST Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane. Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor. NIGHT TEST Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand. Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00a.m. Set alarm for 5:00a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful. INGENUITY TEST Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil. Last, take a milk carton, a ping-pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower. AUTOMOBILE TEST Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect. PHYSICAL TEST (Women) Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans. And try not to notice your closet full of clothes. You won't be wearing them for a while. PHYSICAL TEST (Men) Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time. FINAL ASSIGNMENT Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers. -<>- More On Marriage: From The Mouths Of Kids .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | | ! | | | | ! |~~~~' **HOW TO DECIDE WHEN TO MARRY You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. Alan, age 10 - No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. **WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Kirsten, age 10 - Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. Camille, age 10 - No age is good to get married at. You got to be a fool to get married. **HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? Freddie, age 6 - You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. **WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Derrick, age 8 - Both don't want any more kids. **WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? Lori, age 8 - Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynette, age 8 - On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date. **WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? Martin, age 10 - I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. **WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? Craig, age 9 - When they're rich. Pam, age 7 - The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. Curt, age 7 - The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. **IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? Howard, age 8 - It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. **HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? Anita, age 9 - There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? **HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? Kelvin, age 8 - Tell your wife that she looks pretty even if she looks like a truck. -<>- ,n888888n, .8888888888b 888888888888nd8P~''8g, 88888888888888 _ `'~\. .n. `Y888888888888. / _ |~\\ (8"8b ,nnn.. 8888888b. | \ \m\|8888P ,d8888888888888888b. \8b|.\P~ ~P8~ 888888888888888P~~_~ `8B_| | ~888888888~'8' d8. ~ _/ ~Y8888P' ~\ | |~|~b,__ __--~ --~~\ ,d8888888b.\`\_/ __/~ \_ d88888888888b\_-~8888888bn. \8888P "Y888888888888"888888bn. /~'\_"__) "d88888888P,-~~-~888 / / ) ~\ ,888888/~' / / / 8' ( / / / |) ) / '"88(/ ~ / / | ( /_/ /~ \( _/ / (_(_ ( /~~\/ , O,/~\___/_/' ~~~ | \_ ( )( \_| -- by Gordon M"uller __--~"mb ,g8888b. _/ 8888b(.8P"~'~---__ / ~~~| / ,/~~~~--, `\ ( ~\,_) (/ ~-_`\ \ -__---~._ \ ~\\ ( )\\ )) `\ ) "-_ `| \__ __/ ~-__ __--~ ~~"~ ~~~ >SERIOUS CONDITION DIAGNOSED I'm writing you to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with a serious condition and there's no hope I will ever get over it. It may be hereditary as well. The scientific world is frantically searching for a cure. This is an ailment many of us suffer from and may not as yet have been diagnosed. However, now you may be able to discuss it with your loved ones and try to explain what really happened to you all those times you tried so hard to accomplish something and didn't. It's called the "But first Syndrome." It's like when I decide to do the laundry - I start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. Okay, I'm going to do the laundry But first I'm going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. Okay, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack, But first, I'll look through that pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Now where's the checkbook? Oops! There's the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that checkbook, But first I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water. I put the glass in the sink, and darn it, there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What's it doing here? I'll just put it away, But first I need to water those plants. Head for door and Ack! Stepped on the dog, Dog needs to be fed. Okay, I'll put that remote away and water the plants. But first I need to feed the dog. At the end of day; Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are unpaid, checkbook is still missing, and the dog ate the remote control. AND, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done all day, I'm baffled, because I KNOW I was BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious...and I should get help. But first I think I'll read all my email! -<>- >Laundry Day I asked my two-year-old to take his dirty clothes and put them into the hamper. He looked puzzled, and I explained, "You know; it's the place where we put our dirty clothes before they're washed." My son picked up his things, ran into my bedroom, and threw his clothes on the floor...on his dad's side of the bed. -<>- // // // // _______|| ,-''' ||`-. ( || ) |`-..._______,..-'| | || | | _______|| | |,-'''_ _ ~ ||`-.| | ~ / `-.\ ,-'\ ~| |`-...___/___,..-'| | `-./-'_ \/_| | | -' ~~ || -.| jrei ( ~ ~ ~~ ) `-..._______,..-' >Pepsi-Drinking Blondes Three blondes had just bought a can of Pepsi One and were anxious to try it for the first time. So the first blonde opened the can and then the second blonde poured it into three glasses. The third blonde eyed the three glasses suspiciously and said, "I wonder which one has the calorie?" =================================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) High Tech Toys http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys.html Day and Night! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayandnight.html Here's Your Frog! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/frog.htm Animal Moms http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalmoms.html Amazing Dog Houses http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses2.html Paper Sculpture Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/paper.html There's Something About Mona! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monalisa.html Amazing Street-Legal Airplane http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/transition.html Nigerian Dwarf Goat http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goat.html World's Best Husbands http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/husbands.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) What Engineers Do After They Retire http://tinyurl.com/36qj7f Wow! Way too much time on their hands! HaHa! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- Jay Leno Best of Jaywalking http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/80691723/ --- ...So Funny! Thanks PatDeE! You may like this one too... On Woman http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MrA7qFYU84A -<>- >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) | HTML entities encoder/decoder http://tinyurl.com/6yhawl9 Free HTML to PDF Converter http://tinyurl.com/cva9oc Full Web Building Tutorials http://tinyurl.com/bie Easy Prep Meal Recipes http://tinyurl.com/3cbdlv Grand Central Station for Vinegar Information http://tinyurl.com/bedegu --- ...Good Useful ones! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Demo Las Vegas http://www.buffaloschips.com/fsds.htm Dentist http://www.buffaloschips.com/sese.htm Dhl http://www.buffaloschips.com/dsd.htm Dog Cat http://www.buffaloschips.com/moviezg4.htm Doggie Has Too Much Fun http://www.buffaloschips.com/kjuk.htm blonde geometry http://www.buffaloschips.com/fjgfdkgfdg.htm blonde laptop http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdjfsdnhfmnds.htm Blonde Puzzle http://www.buffaloschips.com/fgjbhkfgjfdg.htm behind the wheel http://www.buffaloschips.com/jgfkjdflgkjdfg.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =========================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Facebook is not popular in Japan because Japanese people are traditionally introverted and private. The report was written by someone who has never set foot in a Karaoke bar." - Conan O'Brien "The FDA says it will limit the amount of pain reliever found in Vicodin. Which explains my new substitute for Vicodin: two Vicodin." - Jimmy Fallon "Heroing is one of the shortest-lived professions there is." - Will Rogers "At the 2006 MTV Video Music Awards, former Vice President Al Gore lectured the audience about global warming. The Rock 'n' Roll audience cheered, gave him a standing ovation, and then they got in their stretch limos, went to the airport, got in their private jets, and flew home to Malibu." --Jay Leno "I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch." --Woody Allen "Bad cholesterol is the kind that clogs arteries, shoplifts lipstick and lies under oath." "My mom is very possessive. She calls me up and says things like, 'You weren't home last night. Is something gong on?' I say, 'Yeah Mom, I'm cheating on you with another mother.'" --Heidi Joyce "Earlier this week a man passed away while on Amtrak. No one noticed the man was dead until after the 23 hour train ride was over. People realized he was dead when they discovered he smelled better than anyone else on Amtrak." --Conan O'Brien "A new article in 'Newsweek' is out talking about what it's like to be an atheist. I actually have a friend who's an atheist, and married to a Jehovah Witness. Their kids are a little strange. They go out and knock on doors but don't know why." --Jay Leno "When God was ready to judge the world with a flood, He came to Noah. When He desired to build a nation for Himself, He turned to Abraham. When He heard His children groaning under Egyptian bondage, He appeared in a burning bush to Moses. They were three of the most ordinary of men. But God had work to do, and He knew just who to do it with. God has always given His people assignments that are too big for them to handle alone, so that a watching world can see - not what we can do - but what God can do." - Henry Blackaby "I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish you enough hellos to get through the final goodbye." ~ author unknown A bulldog can whip a skunk, but sometimes it's not worth it. -- J. Nowell Marriage is like a deck of cards, in the beginning all you need is 2 hearts and a diamond. Some years later you'll want a club and a spade... >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chrristian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DAARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************