Valentine Smiles And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press This smoking hot new page is from our friend KarenF. It has a touch of most everything that animals lovers enjoy. A few giggles, ooos, awws and a whole lot of wows and warm smiles. Be sure to take a a little time to check this heartwarmer and it's video out here... . | \/| (\ _ ) )|/| (/ _----. /.'.' .-._________.. .' @ _\ .' '.._______. '. / (_| .') '._____. / '-/ | _.' '.______ ( ) ) \ '..____ '._ ) ) .' __.--\ , , // (( '.' mrf| \/ (_.'( ' \ .' \ ( \ '. \ \ '.) '-'-' Beautiful Kea Parrots http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/keaparrots.html --- ...Aww, So sweet and amazing! Thanks KarenF! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ---------------------------------------------------------- UUUUUUUUU| HHHHHHHHHH | |AAAAAAAA |UUUU UUUUUU C |HHHHHHHHHHHHH | LLLL |AAAAAAAAAAA |UUUUU UUUUU /\_________ HHHHHH |LLLLLLLLLL |AAAAAAAAAAAAA|UUUUU ==== / |######| ======================================= QQQQ |\ |#####/ PPPPP | UU | IIIIIIIL | TT QQQ / | |<_____ PPPPPP | UUUUUUUU | IIIIIIILLLLL| TTTT === ` ` o o ======================================= VK A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago." The manager then drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. "Now, what was it she wanted?" The clerk answered, "Snow." -<>- This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have. -<>- The two mountain climbers had reached the end of their exhausting journey. Though at the point of collapse, they made it to the top. "It almost cost us our lives to climb this mountain," the first climber said, "but it will be worth it to plant our country's flag on the top. This is the proudest moment of my life. Please -- hand me the flag." The second mountain climber stared at him in surprise and said, "I thought you brought it!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ February 10 is Clean out Your Computer Day and Umbrella Day February 11 is Don't Cry over Spilled Milk Day, Make a Friend Day, National Inventors Day and White T-Shirt Day February 12 is Abraham Lincoln's Birthday, National Lost Penny Day and Plum Pudding Day February 13 is Get a Different Name Day February 14 is Ferris Wheel Day, National Organ Donor Day and Valentine's Day February 15 is Candlemas - on the Julian Calendar, National Gum Drop Day, Singles Awareness Day and Susan B Anthony Day February 16 is Do a Grouch a Favor Day ======================================================= >-->From Mikey'sFunnies: _______ /______/"=, [ | "=, "=,, [-----+----"=,* ) (_---_____---_)/ (O) (O) Emiliano >A Car Funny "My uncle in Detroit tried to make a new kind of car. He took the engine from a Ford, the transmission from an Chevy, the tires from a Cadillac, and the exhaust system from a Buick." "Really? What did he get?" "Fifteen years for theft." -<>- >A Farmer Funny Pastor to Farmer: "I missed seeing you at service on Sunday." Farmer to Pastor: "Well, I had some hay to put up. I figured it was better to sit in a hay baler thinking about God than to sit in church thinking about hay." -<>- >A Ski Funny Can't get away for a ski vacation? Just do this: * Buy a pair of expensive gloves and immediately throw one away. * Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button, and let the spray blast your face. * Visit your local butcher and pay $10 to sit in his walk-in freezer for half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $100 dollar bills to warm up. * Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. There. Now just sit down and wait for Spring. -<>- )..( (.o) `.( ) |||| ptr "`'" >A Movie Funny A man running a little behind schedule arrives at the movie theater, goes in to watch the movie that has already started, and as his eyes adjust to the darkness, he is surprised to see a dog sitting beside its master in the row ahead, intently watching the movie. It even seemed to be enjoying the movie: wagging its tail in the happy bits, drooping its ears at the sad bits, and hiding its eyes with its paws at the scary bits. After the movie, the man approaches the dog's owner, "Wow, your dog really seemed to enjoy the movie. I'm amazed!" "Yes, I can't believe it myself," came the reply. "He hated the book." ========================================================= __, ,___) __, ,_) ,_) ______) (--|__| _, _ _ (--| /_ | _ ,_-|-',_ _', (--| \ _, _| |(_||_)|_)(_| _|/(_||(/_| || || |(//_) _|__/(_|(_| ( | | ,_| ( |_, |_, ( ,_| >-->SMILES For A Happy Valentine's Day :) Zach: What did one flame say to the other on Valentine’s Day? Scott: Tell me. Zach: “We’re a perfect match.” _ |\_,,____ ( o__o \/ /(..) \ (_ )--( _) / ""--"" \ ,===,=| |-,,,,-| |==,== |d | WW | WW | |s | | | | | Dawson: What do pigs give on Feb. 14? Brad: I don’t know. Dawson: Valen-swines! .--. .--. : _ \/ _ : _\/ \ 6 6 / \__\ ' / \'--'/ \__/_ /\ /\ \ / \/ \ \ / jgs _\ /_ (__\ /__) Two antennae met on a roof, fell in love and got married. Their wedding ceremony wasn’t fancy. The reception, however, was excellent. ____ _.-'78o `"`--._ ,o888o. .o888o, ''-. ,88888P `78888P..______.] /_..__..----"" __.' `-._ /""| _..-'' "`-----\ `\ | ;.-""--.. | ,8o. o88. `. `;888P `788P : .o""-.|`-._ ./ J88 _.-/ ";"-P----' `--'\`| / / | / | | \| / |akn `-----`---' "If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods. He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms. Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to marry.” “Why?” asked the man, smiling. “I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!” she replied. .-. .-. .-.| .-./ | | \/ | / \ / /` `\ /`/` jgs `\/` Ben: What did one magnet say to the other magnet on Valentine’s Day? Finn: I have no idea. What? Ben: “I find you very attractive!” Tom Swiftie: “Let’s make our own Valentines,” Tom said craftily. ,;;;;;;\ ,;;;;;;, ,;;;@@@@@/ /;;@@@@@;;;, ,;;;@@,;;;\ \,@,;;;,@@;;;, ;;;@@;;;' '\ \;' ';;;@@;;; ;;;@@;;; / / ;;;@@;;; ;;;@@';;, \ \ ,;;'@@;;; ';;;@@';;,\ \;;'@@;;;' ';;;@@';/ /'@@;;;' jgs ';;;@/ /@@;;;' ';/ /;@;;' \;' Tom Swiftie: “She tore my valentine in half!” said Tom half-heartedly. ,==. \\// .-~~-. ,",-""-.". | | | | | | .-"| |. ". `,",-" ,'.". `| |_,-' | | | | | | hjw ". `-._,-' ." `-.___,-' A woman was taking a nap on Valentine’s Day afternoon. After she awoke, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a gorgeous and expensive diamond necklace for Valentine’s Day! What do you think it means?” “You’ll know tonight,” he said. That evening, her husband came home with a small package for her. Thrilled, she opened it and found a book titled “The Meaning of Dreams.” ..8888888.. ..8888888.. .8:::::::::::8. .8:::::::::::8. .8:::::::::::::::8:::::::::::::::8. .8:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::8. 8:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::8 8::::::::::/` \/ `\:::::::::::::::::8 8::::::::::\ /` \/ `\:::::::::::8 '8:::::::::::. .\ /::::::::::8' '8:::::::::::\/:::. .:::::::::::8' '8::::::::::::::::\/:::::::::::8' '8:::::::::::::::::::::::::8' '8:::::::::::::::::::::8' '8:::::::::::::::::8' two hearts '8:::::::::::8' beat as one... jgs '8:::::8' '8' Will: Why do oars fall in love? Eric: Why? Will: Because they’re row-mantic. / \ _(I)(I)_ ( _ .. _ ) `.`--'.' ) ( ,-./ \,-. ( _( || || )_ ) __\ \\||--||'/ /__ hjw `-._//||\/||\\_.-' `--'`--' A Cub Scout found a frog that said, “Kiss me and I will become a beautiful princess.” The boy studied the frog, then put it in his pocket. “Hey,” the frog croaked, “how come you didn’t kiss me?” “I’d rather have a talking frog than a princess any day!” ,@@@@@, ,@@@@@, ,@@,;;;,@,;;;,@@, @@;;;' ';' ';;;@@ @@;;; ;;;@@ '@@';;, ,;;'@@' '@@';;,;;'@@' '@@';'@@' jgs '@@@' '@' I just got a text from my girlfriend that said, “I bought you an awesome Valentine’s Day gift! xox” I really hope she spelled “Xbox” wrong. Craig: Why do melons have to get married in churches? Joe: Why? Craig: Because they cantaloupe! ) ( ( ) ( ) ( ) ) ( ) ( /^\ /^\ /^\ /^\ /^\ /^\ jgs (_K_) (_I_) (_S_) (_S_) (_E_) (_S_) Justin: What did the boy candy say to the girl candy? John: I haven’t a clue. Justin: “It’s Valentine’s Day and we’re mint for each other.” .o##o. .o##o. ######o.o###### ############### .o88o. .o88o##########' 888888o.o888888########' 888888888888888######' '8888888888888'#####&o. .o&&o. '88888888888' '#&&&&&o.o&&&&&& '8888888' &&&&&&&&&&&&&&& '88888' '&&&&&&&&&&&&&' '8' '&&&&&&&&&&&' H A P P Y '&&&&&&&' v a l e n t i n e'&&&&&' D A Y '&' More Here: https://boyslife.org/features/27414/funny-valentines-day-jokes/ ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ...... ...... .:oOOOOo:. .:oOOOOo:. .:oOO:'':Oo:. .:oO:'':OOo:. .:oO: 'Oo:oO' :Oo:. :oO: 'o' :Oo: :oO: :Oo: ':oO: V A L E N T I N E :Oo:' ':oO: :Oo:' ':oO. .Oo:' ':oO. .Oo:' ':oO. .Oo:' ':oO. .Oo:' jgs 'oO:Oo' 'oOo' 'o' >Smiles On a business trip to India, I arrived at the airport in Delhi and took a taxi to my hotel, where I was greeted by my hospitable Indian host. The cab driver requested the equivalent of eight dollars U.S. for the fare. It seemed reasonable, so I started to hand him the money. But my host grabbed the bills and initiated a verbal assault upon the cabby, calling him a worthless parasite and a disgrace to their country for trying to overcharge visitors. My host threw half the amount at the driver and told him never to return. As the taxi sped off, my host gave me the remaining bills and asked, "How was your trip?" "Fine ... until you chased the cab away with my luggage in the trunk." --- ...HaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- .-""""--. _ _ / ) ( \/ ) / --"` \ / _ _ / _`:____ \/ ( \/ ) | .-' `\ \ / \ / .----'./ \/ \ : ,-' ~(.).)\ _ _ \_| \ ._) | ( \/ ) _ _ / | \.__, / \ / ( \/ ) _.--' )`///-,-' _ _ \/ \ / / / _| (_\\ ( \/ ) \/ | (____/____) \ / \ ___/ | _ \/ `---( ` ) `-, .' (__.'._/'._/ |`| | __/ / / // | `--. || /_____) jgs `=---` >Famous Last Words "Are you sure the power is off?" "Don't be so superstitious." "He's probably just hibernating." "I can do that with my eyes closed." "I wonder where the mother bear is?" "I'll get a world record for this." "I'll hold it and you light the fuse." "And that one over there, the red flashing one, what does that mean?" "I'm making a citizen's arrest." "It's fireproof." "It's strong enough for both of us." "I've done this before." "I've seen this done on TV." "Let it down slowly." "Nice doggie." "Now watch this..." "Pull the pin and count to what?" "Rat poison only kills rats." "So, you're a cannibal..." "Listen, I'm taking a course in chemistry, I know what I'm doing." "That's odd..." "These are the good kind of mushrooms." "This doesn't taste right." "What does this button do?" "Which wire was I supposed to cut?" --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- .-"""-. .-"""-. / `..' \ _ | | .-' / | | ///// < <======\ /====<<<<< '-._\ \ / \\\\\ `\ /' jgs `\ /' `\ /' `\/' >THINGS PEOPLE ACTUALLY SAID IN COURT These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters - who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Q: What is your date of birth? A: July 15th. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning? A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo. Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male, or a female? Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere --- ...Oh My! HaHaHa! Thanks LouiseAu~ -<>- ,@@@@@@, ,@@@@@""@@, ( _ _ , @@@@@ 6.6\@ :\ ( \/ ) {{^\@@@C _-_)@ : \ \ / {{:\\@@@) (@@' : \ \/ (\/) {{::\\ / \---.:.__\_ \/ \`::\( , \---:---._) `"`"; \ \|_.-;====I======{> | \ _.-': / (\/) | `"/ : / \/ // \/ : / \\_ \ :/ \ \ | ( ) ) ) / / / jgs / / /_ (_(____) >SOME ‘GODLY’ HUMOR AND SOME RELIGIOUS UNDERSTANDING… There was a very gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments." answered the lady. ------- "Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning." ------- A minister parked his car in a no-parking zone in a large city because he was short of time and couldn't find a space with a meter. Then he put a note under the windshield wiper that read: "I have circled the block 10 times. If I don't park here, I'll miss my appointment. Forgive us our trespasses." When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into temptation." ------- There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets." ------- While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign... "Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust." ------- A Sunday School teacher began her lesson with a question, "Boys and girls, what do we know about God?" A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!" said the kindergarten boy. "Really? How do you know?" the teacher asked. "You know - Our Father, who does art in Heaven.." ------- A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump. "Reverend," said the young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip." The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business." ------- People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention. ------- Last, but not least, a great one, The minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But, you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played "The Star Spangled Banner." And that is how the substitute became the regular organist! ------- Just sayin'- - - - - When you carry the Bible, Satan gets a headache.... When you open it, he collapses..... When he sees you reading it, he faints.... When he sees that you are living what you read, he flees..... When you are about to forward this message..... He will try and discourage you….. I just defeated him!!! Any other takers? --- ...TeeHee! Love It! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: (\/) \/ (\/) .-. .-. \/ ((`-)(-`)) \\ // (\/) \\ // \/ .="""=._))((_.="""=. / ., .' '. ,. \ /__(,_.-' '-._,)__\ ` /| |\ ` /_|__ __|_\ | `)) ((` | | | jgs -"== =="- Any animal lover knows a pet is a member of the family, but those family members can be a handful when it comes to keeping them and your home clean. These tips for pet owners offer practical solutions for everything from cleaning up fur to keeping pets off the furniture. Remove Pet Hair with Duct Tape The stickiness of duct tape makes it perfect for a makeshift pet hair remover and this method is faster than vacuuming. It also works on seats in vehicles. A sponge or cloth wrapped with duct tape works great for getting into corners. Wrap duct tape around a paint roller cover, sticky side out. Roll the paint cover over furniture or carpet to pick up the pet hair. Add more tape as the surface gets full of hair. Clean Upholstery with Baking Soda Use this handy hint if there's a funky pet smell lurking in your couch or upholstered chair: Sprinkle a generous amount of regular baking soda onto the fabric and let it sit for at least 20 minutes. The baking soda will help to release odors and break up some light stains in the fabric. After about 20 minutes, remove the baking soda - and the funky smell - with a handheld vacuum or a hose attachment for your large vacuum. Don't Brush the Dog - Use a Vacuum Instead! Instead of brushing your pet and then cleaning up the fur with a vacuum, use the vacuum with an upholstery attachment to brush the dog. The vacuum sucks up all the loose fur so you don't spend any extra time cleaning. No-Mess Litter Box It's not fancy, but it's a cheap way to keep litter in the litter box where it belongs. Trace an opening on one end of a plastic storage container, then push a sharp razor knife into the plastic and cut out the opening. Pour in the litter and your cat will figure out the rest. Aluminum Foil Couch Saver Keep your cats off the couch with aluminum foil. Tear off a piece of foil long enough to cover the top of your couch, and set it on the cushions. The feel and sound of the foil drives cats nuts and they'll immediately jump off. Protect Your Doors from Scratches Protect your doors from your dog's claws with a sheet of plastic. Buy 1/8-in. or thinner Plexiglas or plastic at any home center. Cut the Plexiglas so it fits just inside the door jambs and is 1 ft. higher than the reach of your dog. Most home centers will cut the Plexiglas for you, but you can also cut it with a utility knife and a straightedge. Mount the Plexiglas to the door with 3/4-in. roundhead wood screws. -<>- Did you know that separating bananas from the bunch makes them last longer? Or that the best way to reheat a pizza (so it retains its crispy base) is to warm it in a fry pan? No? Then read on because these must-know household hints will change your life! Pull bananas apart before displaying them in your fruit bowl. If you leave them connected at the stem, they will ripen faster and go brown quicker. --- ...Same goes for tomatoes on the vine. Keep on the vine to ripen faster or remove from vine to last longer. Another trick is to wrap head lettuce completely with foil. Lasts much longer. To reheat a pizza so that the base is out-of-the-oven crisp, heat your leftover slices in a fry pan on low-medium heat on the stove until warm and wave goodbye to the days of soggy microwave pizza. If you seal an envelope and realize you've forgotten to include something inside, just place it in the freezer for an hour or two and voila, the envelope will unseal without a trace! Missing a narrow attachment for your vacuum cleaner? To suck up hard-to-reach gunk under your fridge, or behind a bookshelf, insert an empty paper towel roll into the end of your vacuum cleaner and bend, or flatten it, to squeeze into these difficult spots. --- ....Hints For Hand Sanitizing... Use 70-90$ Rubbing Alcohol to kill those germs: With the flu and cold season on us, it is easy to have hand sanitizers available without busting your budget. Get some rather inexpensive baby wipes in a plastic container if you don't already have one. Add rubbing alcohol to the container and shake to mix it into the wipes. Instead of expensive hand sanitizer soapes Refill a hand soap container by emptying out your old bottles of shampoo and/or dish soap into it along with the last of a bottle of condition or some squirts of hand lotion. Fill about 1/8th of the container with rubbing alcohol and Shake to mix well. Now you are all et to tackle the worst of those germs! -<>- 'Go Green' Hint: Believe it or not, it IS possible to compost dog waste rather than throwing it in the trash. When done correctly, composting destroys pathogens and produces compost that can improve your soil. But it does require some special steps in order to maintain the constant high temperatures needed to destroy pathogens. And even then the compost is not suitable for vegetable gardens (although you can put it on anything you don't plan to eat). If you don't have the time, space or resources to tackle something like composting, then choose compostable poop bags in lieu of the plastic versions. You can also repurpose newspaper or small paper bags for this purpose. There are even flushable, compostable bags available online, and these may present one of the best solutions of all. Even the US Environmental Protection Agency states, "Flushing pet waste is the best disposal method." ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Trump Criticizes Pelosi and Romney for Using Religion to Justify Bad Decisions https://tinyurl.com/wu344kh ‘In America, We Celebrate Faith’: President Trump Defends Religious Liberty At The National Prayer Breakfast https://tinyurl.com/u4h6egn Mike Bloomberg Ad Uses Obama-Era Footage Of Caged Migrants To Criticize Trump https://tinyurl.com/quh2fg4 Lindsey Graham Reveals Burisma Witness Wish List, Pledges Hearings On FISA Abuse https://tinyurl.com/tmdxho5 Senate Report Trashes Obama Admin https://tinyurl.com/r4rgurb Media Ignores Buttigieg Refusing To Say He Does Not Support Infanticide https://tinyurl.com/w9wsdee Sanders: ‘Being Pro-Choice Is An Essential Part’ Of Being A Democrat https://tinyurl.com/wn7lexd New Report Doesn't Look Good for Rosenstein and McCabe https://tinyurl.com/su2rfkk ‘The Most Radical Piece of Immigration Legislation’: Experts, GOP React To Democratic ‘New Way Forward’ Bill Forty-four House Democrats are in support of the New Way Forward Act, a bill that would make deportation of criminals harder, calls for the decriminalization of illegal immigration, and would bring criminal illegal aliens back into the U.S. https://tinyurl.com/s65jp5m Elizabeth Warren Calls For ‘Race-Conscious Laws’ https://tinyurl.com/sswycqf Trump has a new Plan to Make Federal Building Beautiful Again https://tinyurl.com/s4dppsj Romney Faces Backlash After He Votes To Convict Trump https://tinyurl.com/wum7ls2 Peaceful Protestors Arrested For Praying Outside Of Pelosi’s Office https://tinyurl.com/qlcge9c Westwing News: Americans Have Failed People With Mental Illness. Trump’s New Budget Will Change That. https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: The real story they won’t tell you “Our country has never done better than it is doing right now,” President Trump said this morning. He’s right—and the numbers prove it. While one party mourns the death of its political stunt, here is the news from the rest of America: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Take The House https://takethehouse.com/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Nuggets, Peanut Spread, Chairs http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: China's coronavirus deaths surpass SARS as country plans halting return to work, 10,000 Killed this Season from Flu http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: Divorce can be acrimonious. Very acrimonious. That's why some people decide to murder their spouse rather than go through one. The man in today's story didn't take things quite that far, but in order to keep his ex-wife from collecting alimony and child support he burned a lot more than bridges when he got divorded. A Canadian businessman and failed mayoral candidate was thrown in jail for 30 days after telling a judge he burned 1 million Canadian dollars in cash to avoid paying his wife spousal and child support as part of their divorce settlement. In an Ottawa Superior Court hearing last week, Bruce McConville, 55, told a judge he withdrew about 1 million Canadian dollars -- about $750,000 USD -- in 25 separate withdrawals from six separate bank accounts. He claimed he then burned the cash in two bonfires. McConville claimed to have receipts to prove he withdrew the money. He said he did not record the bonfires and no one witnessed him set the cash ablaze. "It's not something that I would normally do," McConville said, according to Ottawa Citizen. "I am not a person that is extremely materialistic. A little goes a long way. I have always been frugal. That's why my business lasted for 31 years." The judge sentenced McConville to 30 days in jail for violating the court orders. He ordered McConville to pay $2,000 a day to his ex-wife for every day he fails to disclose his finances to the court moving forward. -<>- So getting drugs in prison isn't easy. If it were there wouldn't be such a thing as toilet wine. But inmates still manage to get drugs in sometimes, and they get pretty clever about it, too. One Kentucky inmate lit upon the idea of soaking his under- wear in methadone. Michael Jones, 55, was let out of Jessamine County Detention Center on a court-ordered furlough to attend a funeral. He must have thought he was pretty clever when he came up with the idea to smuggle the drugs back into prison in his under- wear. Police say Jones cut up the briefs and shared them with his fellow inmates, including 33-year-old Corey McQueary. McQueary must have gotten more than his fair share of the briefs because officers found him unresponsive in his cell. He was pronounced dead later that day. An autopsy report has not been released, but police suspect he died of an opiate overdose. "When somebody comes in the facility either from a furlough or any other occurrence, they're searched, their clothing's searched, strip searched, any other type of search that we feel is necessary," prison jailer Jon Sallee said. "If something is in their garment and it's colorless, odorless, it would be very difficult, almost impossible, to detect from the naked eye." My question is, of course, how are the drugs consumed? The only way I can imagine is chewing or sucking on the under- wear. Now I have never been a drug user, but I can't imagine the craving would be so bad that I would chew on some man's sweaty undies. Now if it was a women's prison... *--- Absolutely no double standard here ---* The Aurora, CO police officer found drunk and unconscious while armed and on-duty in his patrol car will not face criminal charges after a review by the District Attorney's Office. "I am incredibly frustrated with an agency that I put a great deal of trust in," said DA George Brauchler. Despite all of the public information known about the incident, including details of Meier having a blood alcohol level that was more than five times the legal limit and that he admitted to drinking vodka before getting behind the wheel, Brauchler said he would not be able to use much of that evidence at a trial. According to Brauchler, law enforcement officers who are compelled to share incriminating information about themselves during the course of an internal affairs investigation are protected from having that same information used against them in a criminal proceeding. Brauchler said Aurora police officers on the scene also failed to tell him about the incident for nearly nine months, preventing him from obtaining blood samples in a timely manner. *--- That's a productive use of 78 days 000 ---* A South African man who broke his own Guinness World Record for staying in a barrel atop a pole finally returned to solid ground after 78 days. Vernon Kruger descended from the 82-foot pole in Dullstroom after spending 78 days, 23 hours and 14 minutes in the 132-gallon barrel at the top of the pole. He was air-lifted from his perch via helicopter. Kruger first set a Guinness World Record for the feat in 1997, when he spent 67 days in a barrel affixed to the top of a pole, and this time around he stayed in the barrel for 11 days after breaking his own record. The man said he stayed for the extra time to make the record more difficult for the next person to break. He said he does not intend to attempt to break his own record again. *--- Drunk woman calls 911 looking for lost dog ---* A South Florida woman's search for her lost pooch landed her behind bars. 38-year old Rebekah Altieri took her dog to a Jupiter, Fla., bar. The dog then took off when Altieri got drunk. So she did what any dog owner does; she called police to report the dog missing. Here's the catch: Jupiter Police were already at the bar. A bartender had called them to report an intoxicated patron. That intoxicated patron? Altieri. The arrest report said she was upset about her dog running away and started throwing chairs. That's when the bartender carried her out of the bar and tried to call her a cab, which she reportedly refused, Jupiter police said. When police got to the bar, they tried to get her to call a cab or a friend for a ride home. But instead Altieri called 911. Officers told her not to call 911 again, but the arrest report shows she did anyway. Police were not able to find the lost dog and the report shows she was too drunk to give a description of her precious pooch. She was charged with drunk and disorderly conduct and misuse of 911. *--- Crying child turns out to be creepy goat ---* Police in Canada said they responded to a report of a child's voice crying for help in a wooded area and discovered a goat with its head stuck in a fence. The Ottawa Police Service said a resident reported hearing what sounded like a young child crying for help in a wooded area north of his property. Police searched the area and ended up talking to neighbors when no child was located. A neighbor told officers his goat has been screaming earlier and he discovered the animal's head was stuck in a fence. "All kidding aside, police are reminding residents to report suspicious activity immediately so we can check it out. It's always better to be safe than sorry," the OPS said. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: // // // // _______|| ,-''' ||`-. ( || ) |`-..._______,..-'| | || | | _______|| | |,-'''_ _ ~ ||`-.| | ~ / `-.\ ,-'\ ~| |`-...___/___,..-'| | `-./-'_ \/_| | | -' ~~ || -.| jrei ( ~ ~ ~~ ) `-..._______,..-' >Whiskey and Water A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey. After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?" He responds by saying: "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!" -<>- >Waiting Tables A waitress became violently ill while at work and was rushed by ambulance to the emergency room. In typical hospital fashion, she was placed on an examining table and then all but ignored for the next half-hour. Finally, she noticed a doctor out in the hall and yelled, "Please help me!" "Sorry," he replied, "it's not my table." -<>- >Use Your Imagination A therapist told a woman to use some imagination while making love with her husband to spice things up. She replied, "You mean like imagine that it's good?" -<>- |\ \`-. _.._| \ |_,' __`. \ (.\ _/.| _ | ,' __ \ | ,' __/||\ | (Y8P ,/|||||/ | `-'_---- / /`-._.-'/ `-.__.-' jg >Q and A Quickies: Q: How can you tell if a tree is a dogwood tree? A: By its bark. Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra? A: Spot. ... * . _ . * . * . * (_) * . |* .. * .. . * \| * ___ . . * * \/ |/ \/{o,o} . _\_\ | / /) )* _/_ * \ \| /,--"-"--- .. _-----` |(,__,__/__/_ . \ || .. ||| . * ||| ejm98 ||| , -=-~' .-^- _ ` Q: What happened when the owl lost his voice? A: He didn't give a hoot. Q: What happened when the snowwoman got angry at the snowman? A: She gave him the cold shoulder! ,| / ; / \ : ,'( |( `.\ : \ `\ \. \ `. | `. \ `-._ ; \ \ ``-.'.. _ `._ `. `-. ```-...__ .'`. --.. ``-..____ ,'.-'`,_-._ (((( -->From CleanLaffs: | | A _/X\_ \/X\/ |V| |A| |V| /XXX\ |\/\| |/\/| |\/\| |/\/| |\/\| |/\/| IIIIIII |\/_\/| /\// \\/\ |/| |\| /\X/___\X/\ IIIIIIIIIIIII /`-\/XXXXX\/-`\ /`.-'/\|/I\|/\'-.`\ /`\-/_.-"` `"-._ \-/\ /.-'.' '.'-.\ jgs /`\-/ \-/`\ _/`-'/`_ _`\'-`\_ `"""""""` `""""""` The homework assignment for my Spanish class was to write a paragraph. When I returned their papers, I asked one student if he had used Google Translate or any other online translator to write his paper. He categorically denied doing so. That led to my next question, "Then why is this paper in French?" -<>- ..8888888.. ..8888888.. .8:::::::::::8. .8:::::::::::8. .8:::::::::::::::8:::::::::::::::8. .8:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::8. 8:::::: ::::' ':::' ':::: : :::::8 8:::::: ::: ' ::: : :::::8 8:::::: ::: ::: : :::::8 '8::::: ::::. .:::: : ::::8' '8:::: ::::::. .:::::: : :::8' '8::: ::::::::.::::::::. .::8' '8:::::::::::::::::::::::::8' '8:::::::::::::::::::::8' '8:::::::::::::::::8' '8:::::::::::8' jgs '8:::::8' '8' A young couple honeymooning in Las Vegas were down to their last two dollars. The groom told the bride that he had a feeling that he could turn the two bucks into a fortune if he went down to the casino alone. Once in the casino, he put one dollar each into two slot machines and won Jackpots on both totaling $10,000. He then played blackjack for an hour until he had $50,000 in chips. Next, he played poker and upped his winnings to $100,000. He was about to cash in his chips when he got a hunch that his luck hadn't run out. So he took all his money and placed it on Black at the roulette table, hoping to double his money. But the ball came up Red. He returned to his hotel room. "How did you do?" asked the bride. The groom shrugged and said, "I lost two dollars." -<>- _ _ _ _ /` \/ `\ _ _ _ _ /` \/ `\ /` \/ `\ _ _ /` \/ `\ /'. .'\ /` \/ `\ \ /'. .' \/ '. .'\ / _ ;. .' \/ \/ '. .; _ /` \/ `\/ \/` \/ `\ \ / \ / '. .; _ _ ;. .' \/` \/ `\ _ _ _ _ /` \/ `\/ \ /` \/ `\ _ _ /` \/ `\ / '. .'\ /` \/ `\ /'. .' \/ '. .'\ /'. .' \/ jgs \/ '. .' \/ \/ A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray. "And what will your third wish be?" The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?" "You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left." "Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads." "Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!" -<>- Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the men walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk asked, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-four." The clerk said, "All right. How long do you need them?" The customer paused for a minute and said, "I'd better go check." After a while, the customer returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house." -<>- ,;;;;;;, ,;;;;;;, ,;;;@@@@@;;;@@@@@;;;, ,;;;@@,;;;,@,;;;,@@;;;, ;;;@@;;;' ';' ';;;@@;;; ;;;@@;;; ;;;@@;;; ;;;@@';;, ,;;'@@;;; ';;;@@';;,;;'@@;;;' ';;;@@';'@@;;;' jgs ';;;@@@;;;' ';;@;;' ( ';' (#) ) (#) ( (#) ) (#) On my 40th birthday I waltzed out of my bedroom dressed in an old outfit I dug out of the back of the closet. "I wore this on my 30th birthday! I guess that means my wardrobe is ten years old," I said to my husband, hoping he'd take the hint and buy me some clothes as a present. "Or," he offered instead, "it means when you were 30 you had the body of a 40-year-old." -<>- Mom and Dad were trying to console Susie, whose dog Skipper had recently died. "You know," Mom said, "it's not so bad. Skipper's probably up in Heaven right now, having a grand old time with God." Susie stopped crying and asked, "What would God want with a dead dog?" -<>- "Because we live in the modern age, women now have choices that are just killing them. "They can have a job, not have a job. They can be married or unmarried, married with children, unmarried with children, married with children and a job, unmarried with children and a job, unmarried with children and no job, unmarried with children who themselves have jobs, have a job and an au pair who has children, marry the au pair, have the au pair have their children, etc... "Men, unfortunately, have the same choice we've always had: we can work or we can go to jail." --Tim Allen -<>- .-"""-. .-"""-. / `..' \ ; ___ _ _ ; | | | / \| ||_ | ; _|_ |__\_/|/ |_ ; \ _ / \__ \_// \| | / _ / | | \_/\_/ /' | \ \/_/\ /' \_\| / __ `\ /' \/_/__\ `\/' .--='/~\ ____,__/__,_____,______)/ /{~}}} -,-----,--\--,-----,---,\'-' {{~}} jgs __/\_ '--=.\}/ /_/ |\\ \/ Jim's doctor tells him he has only one day to live. When Jim goes home to share the bad news with his wife, she asks what he wants to do with the little bit of time he has left. "All I want," Jim tells his beloved wife, "is to spend my last few hours reliving our honeymoon." Which is exactly what they did. But after hours of blissful romance, she announces that she's tired and wants to go to sleep. "Oh, come on," Jim whispers in her ear, "one more time." "Look," his wife snaps, "I've got to get up in the morning. You don't!" ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: <> .-"""-. ||::::::========== /= \ ||::::::========== |- /~~~\ | ||::::::========== |=( '.' ) | ||================ \__\_=_/__/ ||================ {_______} ||================ /` * `'--._|| /= . [] . { > / /|ooo |`'--'|| ( )\_______/ || \``\/ \ || `-| == \_| || / | || |= >\ __/ || \ \ |- --| || \ __| \___/ || jgs _{__} _{__} || ( )( ) || ^^~ `""" `""" ~^^^~^^~~~^^^~^^^~^^^~^^ >David Letterman's Top Ten Signs An Astronaut Is Trying To Kill You 10. Says, "This is a giant leap for mankind as she tosses you off a bridge 9. You turn on CNN and see the Hubble Telescope focusing on your house 8. She promises to "Take you out like Pluto" 7. It sounds crazy, but you could swear Mars is following you 6. You were on the "Maury" episode: "I had a booty call and now an astronaut is trying to kill me" 5. Her previous attempt to kill you had been postponed due to high winds 4. She poisons your Tang 3. She says she looks forward to being the first to walk on your lifeless corpse 2. Been getting threatening e-mails from: connie@internationalspacestation.com 1. She keeps stabbing you with a pen that writes upside-down -<>- _ _ ( \/ ) .---. \ / .-"-. / 6_6 \/ / 4 4 \ \_ (__\ \_ v _/ // \\ // \\ (( )) (( )) =======""===""========""===""======= jgs ||| ||| | | >Ten Things A Cat Thinks About (besides birds) 1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener. 2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths? 3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs? 4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives? 5. Hmmm ... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us? 6. This looks like a good spot for a nap. _.---. |\---/| / ) ca| ------------; |-/ /|foo|--- ) (' / `---' ===========( ,'========== || _ | | || o/ ) | | o || ( ( / ; || \ `._/ / || `._ /| || |\ _/|| __||_____.' ) |__||____________ ________\ | |_________________ \ \ `-. `-`---' hjw 7. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener. 8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place? 9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering? 10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss! /\____/\ __ .' """" `,-' `--.__ __,- : - - ; " :: `-. -.__ ,-sssss `._ `' _,'" ,'~~~::`.sssss-. |ssssss ,' ,_`--'_ __,' :: ` `.ssssss| |sssssss `-._____~ `,,'_______,---_;; ssssss| |ssssssssss `--'~{__ ____ ,'ssssss| `-ssssssssssssssssss ~~~~~~~~~~~~ ssss.-' `---.sssssssssssssssssssss.---' Susie Oviatt ========================================================= _.-"""""'. .;__ `\ / `\ | ;a/ a `'. _ | ,_ |/_ _) / .-.-. {(}`\ \.___, \.' | | '--''-.( \_ _ / \ / .-\_ _."-.... ;_ ` .-.-. _/ '--. \ | | ."\ _/\ , | \ / / \_.' /'./ ; ` \__.' '-./ ' / __/ `\ / .' ``""--..__\___/ / | | , | \ ';_ / \ \`'-...-' \ \ | __ \ \ /-----; '. .--\_.-"\ | \ jgs / |._______|\ \ \_____,__/ '.__| >-->(An Et-Ahem!) From The Jokester: >Tenant Complaints - Maybe it is How They Say It? I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage. ...and his 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand. ___ .' _ '. / /` `\ \ | | [__] | | {{ | | }} _ | | _ {{ ___________<_>_| |_<_>}}________ .=======^=(___)=^={{====. / .----------------}}---. \ / / {{ \ \ / / }} \ \ ( '=========================' ) jgs '-----------------------------' I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant. We are getting married in September and we would like it in the garden before we move into the house. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen. ...and 58% of the walls are damp, 51% have crumbling plaster and the rest are plain filthy. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny color and not fit to drink. \\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\ \-- \\\\\\ (O(O) ))\ / - \ (_/\/\ \ \_ ./ )-'.:'. __ (((( (_/\/=::::\ _\/_ ________________ \_,) /:::/\_\\ .' '. | __________ | \:\ /:::/::\ \\ | | | .' '.HELP!'.| _ \:\/:::/:::::::\| | | / .-. \_I'm_ \ (((_)),__/:::/\:::::::|| | | | : : |\ being\ \\__)::::::' \::::::|| | | \ '-' / \_held_\ ''''' /::::::|| | | '.___.'_ /capti-/ ______________|::::::.|| | |_________ /ve at_/ ( ''---''( | | \the \ \ \'-.____________/_/_\ | /toilet/ _\ _\\(________________)____.' \paper \ ( -- -') ) '. ) /fac-__/ //\ -_- )\ \ .' \tory! > (__ /.-) \ \ \ ^^^^^^____.._( )_)\ \ \ \ ( \\\''' | | ) \ \ pils __________________\______.___|_|__(________|__)_____ Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces. Would you please send a man to repair my spout. I am an old age pensioner and need it badly. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and its now getting too much for me. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man I have on top of me every night. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife. I have had the clerk of the works down on the floor six times but I still have no Satisfaction. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it. ...and he has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore. ...and that is his excuse for dogs mess that I find hard to swallow. _ .----------/ |<=== floppy disk / | | / /| | _________ / / | | | .-----. | /___________/ /| | |=| |-| [____________]/ | | |~|_____|~| | ___ | | | '-| |-' | / _) | | | |.....| function ======>|.' | | | | |<=== application key | | | | input |.....| software | | | | `--._| main =>| | | | | storage | | | ;______|_________________ | | |.' ____\|/_______________ `. | | /| (______________________) )<== user |____________|/ \___________________________/ interface '--||----: `'''''.__ | || jgs `""";"""-.'-._ <== normal flow | central || | `-. `'._of operation /<== processing || || | `\ '-. / unit surge ().-. | | : /` control ==>(_((X)) | .-. : <======= output device '-' \ | \ ; |________ || `\ \|/ '-..-' / /_\ /| || /`-.____ | / / || / _ /_____________|_ / /_ || peripherals ==>/_\___________________/_\__/ /~ )__ || (hardware) |____________________________|/ ~ ) || (__~ ~ ~(~~` || overflow (input/output error) ===> (_~_ ~ ~_ `) .-''-. `--~-' '` /______\ _________ [____] <=== de-bugging tool _|`---------`| (C| | back-up ===> \ / |\\\ ///| `=========` | \\V// | | |~| | | |=| | <=== supplemental data | | | | | | | | (()____ NBC? \ |=| / mouse ===> (' `\_______, \|_|/ `,,---,,' This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we can't get NBC. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Designer Toilets http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/designertoilets.html Tree Trunk Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trunkart.html God's Little Love Notes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/notes.html Love Thoughts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/love.html Love Story http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovestory.html Love Test http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovetest.html Jesus Laughing Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/Jesusart.htm Akiane Child Prodigy http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy.html Tale Of Two Swallows http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/swallows.html Colorful Birds 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birds3.html Mouse Vs Leopard http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mouse.html Modern Toilet http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moderntoilet.html Leopard Vs Crocodile http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/leopard.html Why God Gave Us Puppies http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whypuppies.html Attitude Is Everything 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude5.html Animal Friends 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends3.html Bible:You Are The Only You God Has!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/onlyyougodhas.html Valentine's Day Page https://tinyurl.com/y4xyz2w8 -<>- All Too Flat A bastion of quirky and off the wall humor http://www.alltooflat.com/ -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) "Hee-Haw" meets Cirque du Soleil when The Ross Sisters perform their acrobatic dance routine. Wait until you see how they exit the stage at the end! WOW!! https://youtu.be/d1J3NLNWAPU Vita Radionova from the Ukraine at the French TV show "The World's Greatest Cabaret." https://youtu.be/jo5ZvWP7tWA --- ...Wowsers! Thanks LouiseAu! The Candid Camera crew didn't make it to Area 51 but they did find some people in the middle of nowhere Nebraska who were interested in UFOs. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k6Wf9_lCI4o --- ...Love Candid Camera! HaHa! So Funny! Thanks LouiseAu! Here's some more... Candid Camera Episode 1 - Hilarious Army Recruit Gag! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yNZIWPR1c8Y UK Candid Camera Classics - Wrong Floor....... Again! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeTc2uHQ_34 Mike Murphy Candid Camera the "clamped" bicycle. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4herWkGMiaM Candid Camera Classic: 99-Cent Sale! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LE3Ep8wXMDM Candid Camera Classic: Slow Speed Cop https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=48EjXoCZ8qc -<>- >From Our Friend Victor :) Coronavirus: What it does to the body https://www.bbc.com/news/health-51214864 --- ...Scary! Glad I got my pneumonia shot! Thanks Victor Here's another... Everyone Is Trying To Stop The Coronavirus With A Mask – But Is It Helping? https://tinyurl.com/wc48y5g -<>- Revisiting... >From Our Friend Linda :) Snowbirds! http://www.youtube.com/embed/WsOMeru8pxQ --- ...LOL! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA This trick might not actually be all that impressive. That's because according to a study, the most popular PIN codes for phones are 1234 and 0000. This illusionist seems like he preys on some easy pickings. As I've said many times, don't use common passwords and passcodes to protect your data. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Mx7UhU5Wxmk Get ready for an optical illusion that could actually creep you out a little bit. Can you figure out why your brain can't handle it? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jdADSx8JpfI&feature=player_embedded Who knew toy poodles could be so instinctively protective of babies? You will believe this little dog would guard his baby sister with his life if he had to. Thankfully, the only danger is the sound made by a pet grooming blow dryer. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YBQJcYvRO9A&feature=player_embedded A crow solves a problem that requires eight separate stages that must be completed in a specific order. https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=AVaITA7eBZE --- ...COOL! I'm thinking the crow solved this before. Thanks LouiseA! LMAO over the comment 'i had to watch it twice to get it?' Reminds me of this one: At The Car Wash http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carwash.html -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) B-24 ... Built Ford Tough Bet you didn't know that Ford had its own pilots to test the B-24 Liberators it was building for the ARMY at the rate of one every 55 MINUTES!! A little bit of history for aviation buffs. This was BEFORE Pearl Harbor ! Ford's B-24 Bomber Plant at Willow Run, Mich. Henry Ford was determined that he could mass produce bombers just as he had done with cars. He built the Willow Run assembly plant and proved it. It was the world's largest building under one roof. This film will absolutely blow you away - one B-24 every 55 minutes. Neither Adolf Hitler (nor the Japanese) had any idea the U.S. was capable of this kind of thing. http://www.youtube.com/embed/iKlt6rNciTo?rel=0 --- ...Great! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A man in Massachusetts went to claim a $10,000 lottery prize and found out that he misread the ticket and won $1 million. Later, his wife said, 'Did you get the $10,000?' He was like, 'Yes.'" -Jimmy Fallon "The preserved forearm of a 16th century saint is on a tour across Canada. And get this... tickets are still available!" -Conan O'Brien "United Airlines prevented a woman from boarding her flight out of Newark, New Jersey, because she tried to board with an emotional-support pet, which was her peacock. They were all set to let both of them on, but then they caught the peacock with over three and a half ounces of shampoo." -James Corden "In Florida, a 7-year-old boy was arrested for punching his teacher. A 7-year-old boy--or as they call that in Florida, a prodigy." -Conan O'Brien "A matador in Spain is under investigation after a video surfaced of him bullfighting while holding his 5-month- old baby girl in his arms. But to be fair, it was Take Your Daughter to Work Day." -Seth Meyers "Have you heard about this? This big love triangle? This woman astronaut was going to kidnap another woman because they were in love with the same guy, so this woman astronaut drives 900 miles wearing a wig and a diaper. I wanna tell ya, this is one giant step for man, one giant leap for the nuthouse." --David Letterman "The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues." --Elizabeth Taylor "he nice thing about being a celebrity is that when you bore people, they think it's their fault." --Henry Kissinger "He ended the job as he began it; fired with enthusiasm." --Don O'Shaughnessy >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************