Vets, Speeches, And Dogs Oh My! ...:) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::-' `-:::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::-' `:::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::- ' /(_M_)\ `::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::-' | | ::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::- . \/~V~\/ ,::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::-' . ,:::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::::::-' `-. .-:::::::::::::: :::::::::::::::::::::-' _,,-:::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::::::-' _,--::::::::::::::::::::::::::: ::::::::::::::-' _.--::::::::::::::::::::::#####::::: :::::::::::-' _.--:::::::::::::::::::::::::::#####::::: ::::::::' ## ###.-::::::###:::::::::::::::::::::::#####::::: ::::-' ###_.::######:::::###::::::::::::::#####:##########::: :' .:###::########:::::###::::::::::::::#####:##########::: ...--:::###::########:::::###:::::######:::#####:##########::: _.--:::##:::###:#########:::::###:::::######:::#####:############# '#########:::###:#########::#########::######:::#####:############# :#########:::#############::#########::######:::################### ##########:::########################::############################ ##########:::###################################################### ##########:::###################################################### ################################################################### ################################################################### ############################################################## dp # ################################################################### *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) I got a rude awakening the other day. It really touched my heart and made me wonder about all of you in this group. /)_(\ ______( 0 0 )______ /_/_/_/\` ' `/\_\_\_\ )'_'( ____.""_"".____ |___|___|___|___| |___|___|___| Darn! why am I always |- | the last one to hear about these things... | | / _|_______|_ ___ |___|___|___| / \ |' | || )'__/ | | \(\\ | | _\\__ | | /,_ \--\ | - | ____// \ | \ | | /,-' ` _)/ |\_ | | `` ,o_:) ``` | | . / \ . | | / \ | | | . ( c c ) . | | ( ) \ / ( ) | | ( ) ' | | ' ( ) _|_______|_ _#, . ...,:o o:,.. . ,#_ ,, ,,,|___b'ger___|,,, .............................................................. What vision do you get when you think of Hell? Is it the old fire and brimstone? Devils and demons having their way torturing people for all eternity? Is it of people's flesh being burnt and melted off of their bodies until all that is left is their bones all while they are fully conscious feeling every second of the excruciating pain - only to have their flesh restored to their body and to have to suffer through this over and over again - forever - for all eternity? * * * * ) (\___/) ( * /( \ (. .) )\ * # ) c\ >' ( # ' )-_/ ' I get to play with fire! \\|, ____| |__ ,|// \ ) ( ` ~ ) ( / #\ / /| . ' .) \ /# | \ / ) , / \ / | \,/ ;;,,;,; \,/ _,#;,;;,;, /,i;;;,,;#,; (( %;;,;,;;,; )) ;#;,;%;;,, _// ;,;; ,#;, /_) #,; // // \|_ \|_ |#\ |#\ -" b'ger -" Hey, this is what most of us have been taught in our church. Some of us were taught this since we were little. It is the visions we get when we think of Hell. Funny, I had mostly forgotten of this until I was reminded of it yesterday by a wonderfully talented story-teller believer. , /~/' ,--, _/`, ,/'/' /'/~ .'___|/ /____/'/' __/| /~ __ `\ /~~, /' _,-,__/' , \ /'/~/ /' .~ ` \_/ / , "~_/' ,-'~~~~~---,_ `, `~ `~~~| /' ~~\__ `~\_ |~~~/ `~---,__ _, /' | /~~\ _/' ~~\ `~, |/\`\ /' _,-~/ /' .' __ `/' `~\ \ |~~~/ `\`\ `-\/\/~ /' .' | `| \/ | `\_ | |/\`\ `,`\ /' |_ ,' /~\ /' |' | `\ \~\| `\`\ _/~~_/~' /' /' ~~/ / `\ `\, | \ | ~/ `\`\/~ _/~ ~/~~~~\/' `\__/' \/\ `\_/\ `\~~\ | \`\ _/~' \ /~~' `~~~\`~~~' `~~' `'__ `\`\/~ _/~\ `\ /' _/ `\ _,-'~~ | `\_/~ `\ `\ _|--' | `\ |' `\ `\ /' _/' | /' /\|' /\/~~\-/' _,-' | /' /' ` |_`\~~~/`\ /~ \/~~' /' |`\~ \ `\ `\ `| /' unknown I had not envisioned this since I was a teenager. It hurt me to the morrow of my being that she believed that the God and Father that I love so very dearly would ever do such a terrible evil thing to people all because they exercised their right of choice and chose not to believe in Him and His only begotten son Jesus Christ. ) ( ( ( ( ) () @@ ) (( ( ( ( )( @@ ( )) ) ( ( ( ( ()( /---\ (()( ( _______ ) ) )(@ !O O! )@@ ( ) ) ) < ____) ) ( ( )( ()@ \ o / (@@@@@ ( ()( ) /--| |( o| ( ) ) ((@@(@@ !o! @@@@(@@@@@)() ( | > \___| ) ( @)@@)@ /---\-/---\ )@@@@@()( ) | /---------+ (@@@@)@@@( // /-----\ \\ @@@)@@@@@( . | | \ =========______/|@@@@@@@@@@@@@(@@@ // @ /---\ @ \\ @(@@@(@@@ . . | \ \\=========------\|@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ O @@@ /-\ @@@ O @@(@@)@@ @ . | \ \----+--\-))) @@@@@@@@@@ !! @@@@ % @@@@ !! @@)@@@ .. . | |\______|_)))/ . @@@@@@ !! @@ /---\ @@ !! @@(@@@ @ . . \__========== * . @@ /MM /\O O/\ MM\ @@@@@@@. . | |-\ \ ( . @ !!! !! \-/ !! !!! @@@@@ . | | \ \ ) . . @@@@ !! !! .(. @. .. . | | \ \ ( / .( . \)). ( |O )( O! @@@@ . ) . | | / / ) ( )). (( .) !! ((( !! @@ (. ((. . . | | / / () )) )) .( ( ( ) ). ( !! )( !! ) (( )) .. | |_< / ( ) ( ( ) ) (( ) )).) ((/ | ( | \( )) ((. ). ____<_____\\__\__(___)_))_((_(____))__(_(___.oooO_____Oooo.(_(_)_)((_ Artist: P.r.i.m.a.l That would be like me saying - I am so proud to tell you of my father - Hitler - such a great man! He tortured and killed a multitude of people all because they weren't like him! , |\ ____ \ \.-./ .-' T \ _ _( /| | |\ ) | .)(./ | | | | \( \_|_/ ( | \ | ) | \VvV | ( | |\,,\ | ) | | ^^^ | ) ( | |__ | ( ) / `-. _| ) ( / / `\ / ///_ | /jgs (((-|' ```| That's not right! AND that's NOT God! Our God is love and I am most proud of Him because He is mot evil. He is most good and just! He is love. Love would not ever torture people. Only hate and evil would do such a horrendous thing. .-=====-. | .""". | | | | | | | | | | '---' | | | | | .-================-' '-================-. j| _ | g|.'o\ __ | s| '-.'. .'o.` | '-==='.'.=========-. .-========.'.-'===-' '.`'._ .===, | _.-' / '._ '-./ ,//\ _| _.-' _.' '-.| ,//' \-' ` .-' `//'_`--; ;.-' `\._ ;| | Jesus Christ \`-' . | SUFFERED So you Won't Have To |_.-'-._| \ _'_ / |; -:- | || -.- \ |; .\ / `'\'`\-; ;` '. `_/ |,`-._; .; `;\ `.-'-; | \ \ | | `\ \ | | ) | | | / /` / | | /| | | | / | / | / |/ /| | \ / / | | /o | | | |_/ | | | | | '-=====-' Our loving God and Creator designed our human bodies so that when we are suffering too much pain we go unconscious which automatically spares us from extreme pain and suffering. He never wants people to suffer. That's devilish. So why do we believe such a thing about Him? How can we get close to God our Father if we are believing he is going to torture people in such a horrendous way? How can we say we know God when we are likening Him to such evil as Hitler was? .oOOo. .oOOo. .oO:::::Oo.oO:::::Oo. .oO::o88o::o::o88o::Oo. oO::888888o:o888888::Oo oO::888888888888888::Oo 'oO::8888888888888::Oo' I care about you! 'oO::88888888888::Oo' 'oO::8888888::Oo' 'oO::88888::Oo' 'oO::8::Oo' jgs 'oO:Oo' 'O' So that is why my heart was hurt. I was thinking, 'all this time and many of you may be believing this? How terrible! And I neglected to bring this up to you before!' It hurts me to my morrow. Thank God, He brought me a fellow Christian to rudely wake me up with her story! PLEASE take 20 minutes and listen to these two great teachings from our friends at Truth Or Tradition and see if you agree: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' What Does the Bible Say About Hell? / Do People Really Burn Forever in Hell? http://tinyurl.com/3lyk4go Huggums In Christ! :) Shangy! -<>- >Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our super hot tottie comes from our friend Johanna. It's an amazing one! Ingenuity at it's best! A river over a river! Check it out here: ============|===============|===-- ejm ~~~~~|xx|~~~~~~~~~~~~~|x|~~~ ~~ ~ ~ Germany's Water Bridge http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wbridge.html --- ...What a great feat! Thanks Johanna! Next hottie - our series continues thanks to our friend PatDeE! I don't think we'll ever run out of SMILES for this series! Check out our newest one here... _____ _ _____ ____ /_ /, | ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \> | `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_ |_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$ ;-'' pb Life's Little Oops 10! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops10.html --- ...LOL! I do so love this series! Thank You PatdeE! ========================================================= >-->From The Funnybone: Trees: A Golfing Parody I think that I shall never see a hazard rougher than an tree; A tree o'er which my ball must fly if on the green it is to lie. .-'- -. A tree which stands that green to guard, ( ) and makes the shot extremely hard; ( , ) A tree whose leafy arms extend ( \'./ .' to kill the six iron shot I send. '-| |-' | | A tree that stands in silence there, ,,,,|.|,,, while angry golfers rave and swear. Irons were made for fools like me who cannot ever miss a tree. =============================================================== +----------------- Bizarre Book Titles -------------------+ How to Avoid Huge Ships by John W. Trimmer Scouts in Bondage by Michael Bell Be Bold with Bananas by Crescent Books Fancy Coffins to Make Yourself by Dale L. Power The Flat-Footed Flies of Europe by Peter J. Chandler 101 Uses for an Old Farm Tractor by Michael Dregni Across Europe by Kangaroo by Joseph R. Barry 101 Super Uses for Tampon Applicators by Lori Katz and Barbara Meyer [HowStuffWorks, Inc.] ========================================================= >-->Story Time from our friend Johanna :) __________________________ / `--- """"""""""""""""""|] /_ ==o __________________| ),---.(_(__) / // (\) ),----' // // /`-----' \ For REALLY Tough Marines! """""""""' _ _____ ( "\ ,-[_____) \ \ ( `-\ __) Applicator (With two rounds) o!O >Tampons & Marines (True Story) Please read the whole thing....You'll love it Be reminded that "God Works in Mysterious Ways " Tampons to the rescue in Iraq !! Don't worry, it's a good story, and worth reading. It's even humorous in parts. It's from the mother of a Marine in Iraq . My son told me how wonderful the care packages we had sent them from the ladies auxiliary were and wanted me to tell everyone thank you. He said that one guy we'll call Marine X, got a female care package and everyone was giving him a hard time. My son said, 'Marine X got some really nice smelling lotion and everyone really likes it, so every time he goes to sleep they steal it from him.' I told my son I was really sorry about the mistake, and if he wanted I would send Marine X another package. He told me not to worry about Marine X because every time I send something to him, he shares it with Marine X. He said when my husband and I sent the last care package, Marine X came over to his cot picked up the box, started fishing through it, and said, 'What'd we get this time?' But my son said they had the most fun with Marine X's package. He said he wasn't sure who it was supposed to go to, but the panties were size 20, and he said one of the guys got on top of the Humvee and jumped off with the panties over his head and yelled, 'Look at me, I'm an Airborne Ranger!!!!' One of the guys attached the panties to an antenna and it blew in the wind like a windsock. He said it entertained them for quite awhile. Then of course.......they had those tampons. When he brought this up, my imagination just went running, but he continued. My son said they had to go on a mission and Marine X wanted the Chap-Stick and lotion for the trip. He grabbed a bunch of the items from his care package and got in the Humvee. As luck would have it he grabbed the tampons too, and my son said everyone was teasing him about 'not forgetting his feminine hygiene products.' He said things went well for a while, then the convoy was ambushed and a Marine was shot. He said the wound was pretty clean, but it was deep. He said they were administering first aid but couldn't get the bleeding to slow down, and someone said, 'Hey! Use Marine X's tampons!' My son said they put the tampon in the wound. At this point my son profoundly told Me, 'Mom, did you know that tampons expand?' ('Well....yeah!') They successfully slowed the bleeding until the guy got better medical attention. When they went to check on him later, the surgeon told them, 'You guys saved his life. If you hadn't stopped that bleeding he would have bled to death.' My Son said, 'Mom, the tampons sent by the Marine Moms by mistake saved a Marine's life.' At this point I asked him, 'Well, what did you do with the rest of the tampons?' He said, 'Oh, we divided them up and we all have them in our flak jackets, and I kept two for our first aid kit.' I am absolutely amazed by the ingenuity of our Marines. I can't believe that something that started out as a mistake then turned into a joke, ended up saving someone's life. My sister said she doesn't believe in mistakes. She believes God had a plan all along. She believes that 'female care package' was sent to Marine X to save our Marine. Either way, our efforts have boosted the morale of many Marines, provided much needed items for our troops, AND saved the life of a Marine! God bless every one of you for your efforts and hard work, and God bless our Marines, Army, Navy, Air Force and all our military service personnel. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND KEEP IT SAFE! I'm not breaking this one. If I get it a 1000 times, I'll forward it a 1000 times! Let us pray... Prayer chain for our Military... Don't break it! Please send this on after a short prayer. Prayer for our soldiers. Don't break it! Prayer: 'Lord, hold our troops in your loving hands. Protect them as they protect us.Bless them and their families for the selfless acts they perform for us in our time of need. In Jesus Christ's Name, Amen.' Prayer Request: When you receive this, please stop for a moment and say a prayer for our troops around the world. There is nothing attached. Just send this to people in your address book. Do not let it stop with you. Of all the gifts you could give a Marine, Soldier, Sailor, Airman, & others deployed in harm's way, prayer is the very best one. GOD BLESS YOU FOR PASSING IT ON - --- ...A great story! Thanks Johanna! ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Linda :) \\ ///// | | (| _ _ |) |` | '| | __ | >>>___/\_^__/\___<<< / ||| \ Mike Hertz >To All Vets: Actually to ALL VETS! Even if you aren't a VET, pass on to all VETS you KNOW! Nothing to add; stands on its own. Thanks to former Highlander (604th) Jim Wilson for sending. A Thank You to all Vietnam Vets from a Marine in Iraq A guy gets time to think over here and I was thinking about all the support we get from home. Sometimes it's overwhelming. We get care packages at times faster than we can use them. There are boxes and boxes of toiletries and snacks lining the center of every tent; the generosity has been amazing. So, I was pondering the question: "Why do we have so much support?" In my opinion, it all came down to one thing: Vietnam Veterans. I think we learned a lesson, as a nation, that no matter what, you have to support the troops who are on the line, who are risking everything. We treated them so poorly back then. When they returned was even worse. The stories are nightmarish of what our returning warriors were subjected to. It is a national scar, a blemish on our country, an embarrassment to all of us. After Vietnam , it had time to sink in. The guilt in our collective consciousness grew. It shamed us. However, we learned from our mistake. Somewhere during the late 1970's and on into the 80's, we realized that we can't treat our warriors that way. So ... starting during the Gulf War, when the first real opportunity arose to stand up and support the troops, we did. We did it to support our friends and family going off to war. But we also did it to right the wrongs from the Vietnam era. We treat our troops of today like the heroes they were, and are, acknowledge and celebrate their sacrifice, and rejoice at their homecoming ... instead of spitting on them. And that support continues today for those of us in Iraq . Our country knows that it must support us and it does. The lesson was learned in Vietnam and we are all better because of it. Everyone who has gone before is a hero. They are celebrated in my heart. I think admirably of all those who have gone before me. From those who fought to establish this country in the late 1770's to those I serve with here in Iraq . They have all sacrificed to ensure our freedom. But when I get back home, I'm going to make it a personal mission to specifically thank every Vietnam Vet I encounter for THEIR sacrifice. Because if nothing else good came from that terrible war, one thing did. It was the lesson learned on how we treat our warriors. We as a country learned from our mistake and now we treat our warriors as heroes, as we should have all along. I am the beneficiary of their sacrifice. Not only for the freedom they, like veterans from other wars, ensured, but for how well our country now treats my fellow Marines and I. We are the beneficiaries of their sacrifice. Semper Fidelis, Major Brian P. Bresnahan United States Marine Corps Harald Hendrichsen www.604th.comTech Supply 1/69 - 8/70 --- ...God bless our troops!! Thank You Linda! ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) ,,,,, \ e e\ C _\/ |\\, )\_) \_ / _/|/_ _// ,'\ ~ /'-,_/ \ / \_/ / / , | \_._,-" ( < _' | \ \ ', -',-~.-' _/ ) | |// | ' ' ) | | | | ._., - |.,_ // _\-' )___|__|_ '-._ b'ger /____\__\ >Seniors at a Brunch A group of seniors were sitting around talking about all their ailments. "My arms have gotten so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one. "Yes, I know," said another. "My cataracts are so bad; I can't even see my coffee." "I couldn't even mark an "X" at election time, my hands are so crippled," volunteered a third. "What? Speak up! What? I can't hear you!" "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a fourth, to which several nodded weakly in agreement. "My blood pressure pills make me so dizzy!" exclaimed another. "I forget where I am, and where I'm going," said another. "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. The others nodded in agreement. "Well, count your Blessings," said a woman cheerfully "thank God we can all still drive." --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- I am not a crook! \ \ , | , \ / ,,_--_, \./ ,// _ _\ \./ ;;\ // x x /;;; \ \ | _\ / / \ \ \ o / / / \ `-'\__/-' / \ \/ / | /\ | | |//|| | \/ | .--'-----'-----. /| | / | | | | ,d888b, | | | J8888888L | :F_P: | | 888888888 | >Obama's speech at Camp David This short speech by President Obama was delivered spontaneously and without the aide of his ubiquitous teleprompter, apparently while vacationing at Camp David. Delivered outdoors, it was taped by an alert news person with a handy video camera. The sound is rather good considering the outdoor conditions and the apparent spontaneity of the event. Listen carefully to his words. Credit where credit is due: He makes more sense than anything he has said either while President or while on the campaign trail! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHM7UHoqeDk --- ...Oh My! I think he had been eating some of that loco weed! LOL! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >Well, I try to be nice ... BUT... |\ \`-. _.._| \ |_,' __`. \ (.\ _/.| _ | ,' __ \ | ,' __/||\ | (Y8P ,/|||||/ | `-'_---- / /`-._.-'/ `-.__.-' jg IN RESPONSE TO ALL THE EMAILS CONCERNING MY DOG... Please be advised I am sick and tired of receiving questions about my dog who mauled six illegal aliens wearing Obama tee shirts, four stupid Democrats wearing Pelosi tee shirts, two rappers, nine teenagers with pants hanging down past their cracks, eight customer service desk people speaking in broken English, three flag burners, and a Pakistani taxi driver. FOR THE LAST TIME... Aaaah! Mad Dog! / ._@ Woof! Woof! (,-) / ;-(' - - , () "() - ;';;;;' " " MY DOG IS NOT FOR SALE !!! --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! =========================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [POLITICS] >From Vision To America: Democrat Congressman Admits Debt Limit Debate Is a 'Charade' http://tinyurl.com/4x9b4ho -<>- >From The Tea Party: Tea Party - Secret Trillions Discovered! http://www.teaparty.org/view_email.php?id=1248 -<>- I Repeat - I am not a crook! \ \ , | , \ / ,,_--_, \./ ,// _ _\ \./ ;;\ // x x /;;; \ \ | _\ / / \ \ \ o / / / \ `-'\__/-' / \ \/ / | /\ | | |//|| | \/ | .--'-----'-----. /| | / | | | | ,d888b, | | | J8888888L | :F_P: | | 888888888 | It is clear that the liberal machine issued its talking points weeks ago and ever since liberals have been singing the praise of “shared sacrifice” and parroting the term “millionaire’s and billionaire’s”. This political gamesmanship is nothing more than a deceitful tactic propagated by a party led by the community organizer turned President, Barack Obama, a disciple of Saul Alinksy. Obama’s ties to Alinsky should not be overlooked because Alinsky literally wrote the community organizer/Obama playbook, Rules For Radicals. Understanding the tactics laid out in Rules For Radicals grants keen insight into the liberal talking points and Obama’s strategy to get what he wants on the debt ceiling. Alinsky Tactic Rule 13: Pick the target, freeze it, personalize it, and polarize it. The phrase “Millionaire’s and Billionaire’s” targets the extremely rich hoping to play on regular American’s disdain for the extravagantly rich, think Paris Hilton, but the proposed tax increases would have a far greater impact on middle class families and small business owners who have receipts of $250,000 or more and the people that they employ. A hardworking small business owner with receipts of $250,000 makes a far worse target than a Wall Street banker so the liberal talking points freeze the focus on Wall Street. They personalize their talking point by contrasting a generally unpleasant common experience (commercial air travel) against the perceived luxury of travel a corporate jet. Now that the target has been picked, frozen, and personalized, now it’s time for the polarization – class warfare. With a 5th column media in place this tactic now frames the argument as a conflict between Paris Hilton and Wall Street CEO’s against regular people trying to make a decent living. When really this is a conflict between a bloated federal government with a spending addiction against the hard working small business owners and their employees who can no longer afford to subsidize the extravagance of the politicians in Washington. Obama wants to take the resources of the middle class NOT so that the government can distribute that wealth to the poor but to give it to the corrupt special interests who funded his campaign with a billion dollars. The only fair way to interpret the liberals “shared sacrifice” is that you sacrifice and then they share your sacrifice with their benefactors. Dustin Stockton Media/Events Director http://www.theteaparty.net/ --- ...Be a good thing to pray about! -<>- >From BizarreNews: You picket their hotel and they turn on the heat lamps during a 100 degree day. That's the Chicago way. It's a long way from the Pinkertons and the strike busters, but one Chicago hotel is not about to give picketers an easy time. Hotel workers at the Park Hyatt on Michigan Ave. kicked off a day-long strike Thursday morning to protest the working conditions of housekeepers. The strike coincides with housekeeper protests at Hyatts in nine other cities after 22 months of stalled contract negotiations. And they picked one of the hottest days in a decade to do it. Temperatures reached nearly 100 degrees. And just to make sure the picketers were nice and toasty, the hotel turned on the outside heat lamps above their picket line used for guests during the winter. "This is one of the hottest days of the summer," said Daniel Medina, 42, a bellman at the Park Hyatt for two years. "I work at that door every single day and only in winter time do those need to be turned on. Somebody did it on purpose. It's ridiculous." Medina said the lights do not turn on automatically and that only bellhops, doormen and engineers access the room that controls the heat lamps. He said there was no way it could be inadvertent. Of course it was an accident. An oversight by someone. And as soon as the hotel was alerted to the fact that heat lamps were on they turned them off and handed out water...an hour later. *-- Man crashes 'lemon' into dealership cars --* PORTSMOUTH, N.H. - A man said he crashed his van into six cars at a New Hampshire car dealership because the dealer refused to take his "lemon" vehicle back. David Cross of Salisbury, Mass., was charged with six felony counts of criminal mischief. He said his wife purchased the van Monday at the Portsmouth Used Car Superstore and he soon discovered the vehicle had major problems including a broken odometer, the Portsmouth Herald reported Thursday. Cross said his mechanic recommended he "take it back," but the dealer refused to refund his money and told him he was "stuck with it." Cross said he brought the van back to the dealership just before midnight Monday night and drove it into six cars. "I hit the first $25,000 car I could see," Cross said. "I didn't hit a car under $20,000. Then I moved a van that they wouldn't come down on the price for. I moved it with the lemon they sold me. I just held it to the floor until I couldn't move it anymore. I took out seven vehicles, including my own." Cross said he flagged down a police cruiser and told an officer "the deal." He was arrested and released on his own recognizance. *-- 11-year-old crashes car into water pipe --* BRANDON, Fla. - A Florida man was arrested on child neglect charges after allowing his girlfriend's 11-year-old daughter to drive, authorities said. The Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office said Donald Leet, 37, allowed the girl to drive her mother's sport-utility vehicle with a 7-year-old girl in the vehicle Tuesday and she crashed into a water pipe near the First Baptist Church of Brandon about 7:30 p.m., The St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported Thursday. Leet told deputies he decided not to drive because he had consumed a glass of wine with his dinner and had a suspended license. The girl told deputies Leet was teaching her to drive. "You are going to make me lose my job," Leet was quoted by a report as telling deputies. "Why don't you arrest a rapist or murderer instead of me. You're an illiterate southerner. You don't know anything. You only have a high school diploma. You're dumb." Leet was charged with two counts of child neglect and was released after posting $4,000 bail Wednesday. *-- Kansas man sets largest tonsils record --* TOPEKA, Kan. - Guinness World Records said a Kansas man who underwent a tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy set a record for the world's largest tonsils. The record-keeping organization said one of the tonsils removed from Justin Werner, 21, of Topeka at Excellent Surgery Center in Topeka Jan. 18 measured 2.1 inches long, 1.1 inches wide, and 0.7 inch thick while the other measured 1.9 inches long, 1 inch wide and 0.7 inch thick, the Tokepa Capital Journal reported Monday. The tonsils were respectively 0.8 inches and 0.6 inches longer than the previous record tonsils, which were removed from Justin Dodge of Milwaukee. "I find it more humorous than anything," Werner said of his record, which was made official June 22. Werner said talking, breathing and sleeping have become much easier since having the tonsils removed. "The day after I got them out, there was no snoring at all," Werner said. "Haven't had a sore throat since." *-- Feathers lead to stolen swan --* ORLANDO, Fla. - Police in Florida said a trail of feathers led them to a missing swan and the man accused of stealing the bird from a lake. Lt. Barbara Jones of the Orlando Police Department said officers "followed the feathers" Monday from Lake Eola in the city's downtown to the backyard of Goeffre Peter Smart, 24, about three blocks away, the Orlando Sentinel reported Monday. Jones said officers encountered a witness who told them Smart had been seen walking down the street holding the large swan. The bird, which was not injured, was driven back to Lake Eola in a police car and released. Smart was charged with grand theft, grand theft of commercially farmed animal, being in a park after hours and animal cruelty. He was being held in lieu of $3,050 bail. ============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: m " m" " m m " m " "m " " "m m m " m " " " "m" " " "m m m m m " " " " " "m"m"m"m"m"m " m " " "m"m" "m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m "m"m m"m" "m m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m$"m $ " "m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m"m$" $m " "m"m"m"m"m"m$" m"m"m $ $"m"m"m"m$" m"m" "m m"m m "m"m$" m"m" "m $ $ $ $" m"m" "m " m "$m"m" m"m m"m $" m" $ $ $ $ m" m" "m" $ m" m$$ $ m" m$" $ $" m""$ $ """ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ $ unknown While in the checkout line at my local hardware store I overheard one man say to another, "My wife has been after me to paint our shed. But I let it go for so long she got mad and did it herself." His friend nodded. "I like women who get mad like that." -<>- I was having trouble with the idea of turning thirty and was oversensitive to any signs of advancing age. When I found a prominent gray hair in my bangs, I pointed to my forehead. "Have you seen this?" I indignantly asked my husband. "What?" he asked. "The wrinkles?" -<>- _.--"""--._ .' '-. `. __/__ (-. `\ \ /o `o \ \ \ \ _\__.__/ )) | | ; .--;" | | \ ( `) | | \ _|`---' .' _, _| | `\ '`_\ \ '_,.-';_.-`\| \ \_ .' '--'---;` / / |\ |_..--' \ \'-'.' .--'.__/ __.-; `"` (___...---''` \ _/_ \ /jgs\ \___/ As a veterinarian, I was called at home in the middle of the night by a woman in distress. She had swallowed her dog's heart worm pill by mistake. I knew it wouldn't harm her, but by law, I'm forbidden to give medical advice. "If your dog had swallowed your pill, then you'd call me," I explained. "In this case, you really should consult with your own physician." "But it's one in the morning!" she exclaimed. "I can't wake my doctor." -<>- A woman walked into the elevator tossing her keys up in the air and catching them. After one too many tosses, she dropped the keys, and we watched as they disappeared into the crack between the open doors and the floor. I felt terrible for her. Or I did until she cried, "Oh no! Not again!" -<>- I was driving around and around a parking garage in search of an available space. Nothing. Then I noticed a couple walking ahead of me. "Going out?" I called to them hopefully. "No," said the man. "Just friends." -<>- \\\\ c oo | .U __=__ ,,, |. __|___ oo ; ||_/ / / U= _ 0 \_/__/__E o /. .| | (___ || |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'----'~| I---||| |-----------------------| I ||| | c(__) | ^ '--'' ^ ^ Petrus Ever wonder what medical personnel scribble on those clipboards attached to the foot of the bed? Here are some incredible comments taken from hospital charts: "The patient refused autopsy." "The patient has no previous history of suicides." "She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night." "She is numb from her toes down." "Patient has two teenage children but no other abnormalities." "Discharge status: Alive but without my permission." -<>- I learned a lesson in marketing from a man who bought an old boat, a trailer and a motor from me. "Thanks," he said as he loaded them up. "I'm planning to resell them." Good luck, I thought. I had been trying to get rid of them for months. But when I ran into him a few weeks later, he'd sold everything. "How did you manage that?" I marveled. "I took out an ad: 'Heavy-duty boat trailer with free boat.' When the buyer came to get it, I asked if he had a motor. He said no. I told him I happened to have one in my garage. Bought that, too." -<>- (()))) "Lemons?" ______ (()o))() .-'.-' |`-. (()) o(() .-' .' \ | / `.(())) (()) _ .' /`. \ |/ .'((()__())) (_) . ; ` .\ |. ' /( )( )\ / _) ( |-------( )---/ /\ /\ / / _ `. ; . '/ |\ . \ \ ) ( \_/ (_) . \.' / | \ ` \ \ \ _ `-. `. / | \ .(_/_____\ (_) `-._`-.__|_.-' "\""\"/" """"" \ \ /\ \ _ / /| | (_) / / | | ( / |/ )/ ( \ " `.`. jro After years of using the same perfumes, I decided to try something different and settled on a light, citrusy fragrance. The next day I was surprised when it was my little boy, not my husband, who first noticed the change. As he put his arms around me, he declared, "Wow, Mom, you smell just like Fruit Loops!" -<>- A husband and wife were involved in a petty argument, both of them unwilling to admit they might be in error. "I'll admit I'm wrong," the wife told her husband in a con- ciliatory attempt, "if you'll admit I'm right." He agreed and, like a gentleman, insisted she go first. "I'm wrong," she said. With a twinkle in his eye, he responded, "You're right!" -<>- ____ /` ))) / `6 6 ) , > \___\ _=/ __/ /__ ===.__/`)__ _|\ \/ ,/ _)_)_\ /./\ ( \ \ \_\ )_,-'`-./_______ _( \======+________ \ //|__ | , ) \ %' `% |____/ /\ \ % ' %' \ /__/\ \/,\ % -o- % \ )/ \_ ) \ % ' % ,'/ ,' ,\ \ b'ger % % / /\_'__,' '-` % % \/( o ) ``` When a patient was wheeled into our emergency room, I was the nurse on duty. "On a scale of zero to ten," I asked her, "with zero representing no pain and ten representing excruciating pain, what would you say your pain level is now?" She shook her head. "Oh, I don't know. I'm not good with math." ========================================================== >-->From The MouthPiece: G __ \\ ,,)_ \'-\( / \ | ,\ \|_/\\ / _ '.D / / \ | /_\ /_\ snd '- '- >Famous People's Next Job Interview Julius Caesar - My last job involved a lot of office poli- tics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that. Jesse James - I can list among my experience and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of security measures at numerous banks. Marie Antoinette - My management style has been criticized, but I'd like to think of my self as a people person. Joseph Guillotine - I can give your company a head start on the competition. Hamlet - My position was eliminated in a hostile takeover. Lucretia Borgia - My greatest accomplishment? after I took over the department, our competition just seemed to drop out of sight one by one. Pandora - I can bring a lot to your company. I like discover- ing new things. Genghis Khan - My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the popula- tions of several countries. MacBeth - Would I go after my boss's job? Do I look like the kind of guy who would knock off his boss for a promotion. Lady Godiva - What do mean this isn't business casual? Elvis - My last boss and I...say, are you going to eat those fries? -<>- ___ ((((\\\ 9_9 3)) \= (( __) (__ ,' \_/ `. / :|: \ / / :|: \ \ \ \..:|:../ / `._\_, __/_.' .-)\\-///-. || L || || ^ || |/-->&<--\| | (._.) | | ( @ ) | | /|`"'|\ | //(_\___/_)\\ \\_()___()_// `+---I---+' |\(_)|(_)/| _|j"""""""|j_ | |_______| | |_| |_| hjw >The Evolution Of Mom Your Clothes * 1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy. * 2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible. * 3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes. The Baby's Name * 1st baby: You pore over baby name books and practice pronouncing and writing combinations of all your favorites. * 2nd baby: Someone has to name his or her kid after your great-aunt Mavis, right? It might as well be you. * 3rd baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your finger points. Preparing for the Birth * 1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously. * 2nd baby: You don't bother practicing because you remember that last time, breathing didn't do a thing. * 3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your 8th month. The Layette * 1st baby: You cherish your newborn's clothes, color- coordinate them, and fold them neatly in the baby's little bureau. * 2nd baby: You check to make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains. * 3rd baby: Boys can wear pink, can't they? Worries * 1st baby: At the first sign of distress-a whimper, a frown-you pick up the baby. * 2nd baby: You pick the baby up when her wails threaten to wake your firstborn. * 3rd baby: You teach your 3-year-old how to rewind the mechanical swing. Activities * 1st baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics, Baby Swing, and Baby Story Hour. * 2nd baby: You take your infant to Baby Gymnastics. * 3rd baby: You take your infant to the supermarket and the dry cleaner. Going Out * 1st baby: The first time you leave your baby with a sitter, you call home 5 times. * 2nd baby: Just before you walk out the door, you remember to leave a number where you can be reached. * 3rd baby: You leave instructions for the sitter to call only if she sees blood. At Home * 1st baby: You spend a good bit of every day just gazing at the baby. * 2nd baby: You spend a bit of every day watching to be sure your older child isn't squeezing, poking, or hitting the baby. * 3rd baby: You spend a little bit of every day hiding from the children. ============================================================ >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: __________ |DAILY NEWS| |&&& ======| |=== ======| |=== == %%$| |[_] ======| |=== ===!##| ejm97 |__________| >BAD HEADLINES Supposedly true headlines from newspapers in the U.S. and around the world.... * March Planned For Next August * Lingerie Shipment Hijacked--Thief Gives Police The Slip * L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide * Patient At Death's Door--Doctors Pull Him Through * Latin Course To Be Canceled--No Interest Among Students, Et Al. * Croupiers On Strike--Management: "No Big Deal" * Stadium Air Conditioning Fails--Fans Protest * Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters * Women's Movement Called More Broad-Based * Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store * Teacher Strikes Idle Kids * Lawyers Give Poor Free Legal Advice * Fund Set Up for Beating Victim's Kin * Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years * Autos Killing 110 a Day--Let's Resolve to Do Better * 20-Year Friendship Ends at Altar * If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While * Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures * Half of U.S. High Schools Require Some Study for Graduation * Blind Woman Gets New Kidney from Dad She Hasn't Seen in Years -<>- >Some Classics: I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother. -+- A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells, "You should have been here at 8:30!" He replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?" -+- __ \/.--, //_.' .-""-/""-. / __ \ / \\\ \ | || | \ / \ \ / \ '- / '-.__.__.' sjw >God is watching Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, "Take only one, God is watching," Moving through the line, to the other end of the table, was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A boy wrote a note, "Take all you want, God is watching the apples." -+- >Did You Know? LAWYER'S OBSERVATION: "I don't know anyone here that's been killed by a handgun." YOGI BERRA SAID: "I really didn't say everything I said." BATHROOM SIGN: (At The Center for the Study of Infectious Diseases) "Employees must *NOT* wash hands before returning to work." FACT: Statistics show that teen age pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25. =============================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: ** The task of leadership, the first task of concerned people, is not to condemn or castigate, or deplore: it is to search out the reason for disillusionment and alienation, the rationale of protest and dissent. ~~ Robert F. Kennedy ** A nation of well informed men who have been taught to know and prize the rights which God has given them cannot be enslaved. It is in the region of ignorance that tyranny begins. ~~ Benjamin Franklin -<>- ___ / _ \\ ,, /=(_)=\\// \ =(_) (O} \_____\\ .--. Jonathon R. Oglesbee /=(_)\\\ .'_\/_'. \____/// '. /\ .' aka JRO ()) "||" || /\ /\ ||//\) (/\\||/ ____________\||/________________________________ >"O Lord --- Let me be a little kinder, Let me be a little blinder To the faults of those about me. Let me praise a little more. Let me be a little meeker With the brother that is weaker; Let me think more of my neighbor And a little less of me. Amen" -<>- ** 'Laughter can relieve tension, soothe the pain of disappointment, and strengthen the spirit for the formidable tasks that always lie ahead.' -Dwight D. Eisenhhower- -<>- __ ___ (__`\ /`___) ). \| | / .( \_ // ) \ _/ _ / `\ / / \ ,/-.`._/ / | \ \))_(_) \ /( \ )'--'` ;-` \ / \ |/ / \ \\ / ,/ '. |) ( \ / /; |\ \ | /\| |/\ | ( \(_'. / )/ ) jgs `-` '-'/_/ ** Adam Talks to The lord ** One day God and Adam were walking the garden. God told Adam that it as time to populate the Earth. "Adam, you can start by kissing Eve." Adam looks puzzled at God, "Lord, what is a kiss?". God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord! That was great! What's next?" "Adam, I now want you to caress Eve." Puzzled again he asks, "Lord, what is caress?" God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord that was even better than a kiss! What's next?" "Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve." Puzzled yet again, "Lord, what is make love?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush. A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a headache?" -<>- ** Andy Says... Just Think About This! ** ___ /___\ |/. .\| ( > ) \ - / _)_(_ .' '. /.-.___.-.\ [_________] | | | , | | -|- | | | | | | | | | | .---------. __,-'---------'-,__ __jgs___|___________________|_________ ** Truth does not become more true by virtue of the fact that the entire world agrees with it, nor less so even if the whole world disagrees with it. ~~-Maimonides ** Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws. ~~--Plato (427-347 B.C.) ** Stay healthy, but don’t obsess about it to the detriment of your . . . health: ~~--Anon ** “I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.” ~~--John Mortimer ** “It's bizarre that the produce manager is more important to my children's health than the pediatrician.” ~~--Meryl Streep ** “Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” ~~--Mark Twain ** "My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it." --Buddy Hackett -<>- .'\ /`. .'.-.`-'.-.`. ..._: .-. .-. :_... .' '-.(o ) (o ).-' `. : _ _ _`~(_)~`_ _ _ : : /: ' .-=_ _=-. ` ;\ : : :|-.._ ' ` _..-|: : : `:| |`:-:-.-:-:'| |:' : `. `.| | | | | | |.' .' `. `-:_| | |_:-' .' jgs `-._ ```` _.-' ``-------'' ~~~~~~~~~~TOUNGE IN CHEEK HUMOR~~~~~~~~~~ ** The typewriter was invented by Hungarian immigrant Qwert Yuiop, who left his "signature" on the keyboard. ** Seven out of every ten hockey-playing Canadians will lose a tooth during a game. For Canadians who don't play hockey, that figure drops to five out of ten. ** Among items left behind at Osama bin Laden's headquarters in Afghanistan were 27 issues of Mad Magazine. Al Qaeda members have admitted that bin Laden is reportedly an avid reader. ** Centuries ago, purchasing real estate often required having one or more limbs amputated in order to prevent the purchaser from running away to avoid repayment of the loan. Hence an expensive purchase was said to cost "an arm and a leg." ** Although difficult, it's possible to start a fire by rapidly rubbing together two Cool Ranch Doritos. ** The "nine lives" attributed to cats is probably due to their having nine primary whiskers. ** The Venezuelan brown bat can detect and dodge individual raindrops in mid-flight, arriving safely back at his cave completely dry. ** In the weightlessness of space a frozen pea will explode if it comes in contact with Pepsi. ** The increased electricity used by modern appliances is causing a shift in the Earth's magnetic field. By the year 2327, the North Pole will be located in mid-Kansas, while the South Pole will be just off the coast of East Africa. ** The idea for "tribbles" in "Star Trek" came from gerbils, since some gerbils are actually born pregnant ** The trucking company Elvis Presley worked at as a young man was owned by Frank Sinatra. ** The only golf course on the island of Tonga has 15 holes, and there's no penalty if a monkey steals your golf ball. ** Legislation passed during WWI making it illegal to say "gesundheit" to a sneezer was never repealed. ** Manatees possess vocal chords which give them the ability to speak like humans, but they don't do so because they have no ears with which to hear the sound. ** Replying more than 100 times to the same piece of spam e-mail will overwhelm the sender's system and interfere with their ability to send any more spam. ** The Air Force's F-117 fighter uses aerodynamics discovered during research into how bumblebees fly. ** Approximately one-sixth of your life is spent on Wednesdays. ** Because printed materials are being replaced by CD-ROM, microfiche and the Internet, libraries that previously sank into their foundations under the weight of their books are now in danger of collapsing in extremely high winds. ** In 1843, a Parisian street mime got stuck in his imaginary box and consequently died of starvation. ** Touch-tone telephone keypads were originally planned to have buttons for Police and Fire Departments, but they were replaced with * and # when the project was cancelled in favor of developing the 911 system. FINALLY~~From Top5.com. And, Yes, It's a joke. Thank You KEITH TODD! This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day Ministries. To subscribe drop a note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com or to ajokeaday7-subscribe@topica.com. Please leave this attached if you forward this to friends. -<>- . \ | / _\|/_ .' ' ' '. ___ _.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-. .'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'` .'.' ||()|()|| .___..-'.' / \ `----'"` / .-. \ (.'.(___).'.) `.__.-.__.' jgs |_| |_| `.`-'.' `"` ** Slowly Explain It Like... ** Last week my wife and I purchased a new computer. We ran into some difficulties while setting it up so we called the customer support phone number we found in the manual. I picked up the phone and called the number. A man answered the phone and I explained the problem to him. He began rattling off computer jargon. This confused us even more. "Sir," I said politely, "Can you explain what I should do as if I were a small child?" "Okay," the computer support guy said, "Son, could you please put your mommy on the phone?" -<>- .:::::::. .::::::::::::. .::::::::::::=='=-, _;;;;=='''` _; / __,,==::::. \___,,,===''':::::::::::. ;|_ __ `::::::::::. :\__. __.` ::-.::::::: ::)#_\ `#_\ : _,\:::::. ::| ` _/:::::: ::| ,. |\::::::: ::; / ;:::::: :::\ .-._, / ;::::: ':::\ \^/ / ;::::: ':::\ ` /` ;::::: ':::'.__.:\ ;::::: ':::::::::| ;::::: :::::::::| .-. \::::: ::::::::/__.' '.\:::: ::::::(`/ / \|::: ::::-'--'`|--'--'--|::: .::' / | | | / |::' .:/ `"---"'`| | /:: jgs .:; | |-'|' ** That Isn't True, Ma'am ** A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she wanted?" "Rain." -<>- ** Whose Side I'm On ** A deaf man attended church every week. His handicap prevented him from hearing a word the preacher was saying. He couldn't even hear the singing. "Why do you go to church every week?" a friend signed to him one day. "You can't hear a word of the service." "No," the man replied, "I can't hear a word of the service, but I go because I want the world to know whose side I'm on." -<>- ** "A Reasonable Price..." ** Three contractors were visiting an amusement park the same day. One was from New York, another from Ohio, and the third from Florida. At the end of the tour, the guide asked them what they did for a living. When they all replied that they were contractors the guide said, "Hey, we need one of the rear fences redone. Why don't you guys take a look at it and give me a bid?" So to the back fence they all went. . . First to step up was the Florida contractor. He took out his tape measure and pencil, did some measuring and said, "Well I figure the job will run about $900. $400 for materials, $400 for my crew, and $100 profit for me." Next was the Ohio contractor. He also took out his tape measure, pocket calculator, and pen, did some quick calculating and said, "I can do this job for $750. $300 for materials, $300 for my crew, and $150 profit for me." The New York contractor said, "$2,750, easy." Astounded, the guide, looked at him and said, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?" "C'mere..." he said. "Now confidential like, here's how it is: $1,000 for me, $1,000 for you, & we hire da guy from Ohio." -<>- .-"""-. / \ \ / .-"""-.-`.-.-.< _ / _,-\ ()()_/:) \ / , ` `| '-..-| \-.,___, / \ `-.__/ / jgs / `-.__.-\` / /| ___\ ( ( |.-"` `'\ \ \/ {}{} | \| / \ , / ( __`;-;'__`) `//'` `||` _// || .-"-._,(__) .(__).-""-. / \ / \ \ / \ / `'-------` `--------'` ** My Friend Benny ** A Man is walking with his friend. He says to this friend, "You know, Benny's a walking economy." His friend replies, "How so?" "His hair line is in recession, his stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting him into a deep depression." -<>- ** Short Takes ** ** A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, ''These sleepovers are killing me!'' ** A man who was really getting behind in paying his bills finally received the following note from one of his creditors: "Dear Sir, Your account has been on our books for over a year. We want to remind you that we have now carried you longer than your mother did." -<>- ** My New Talking Clock ** While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. "What is the big brass gong and hammer for?" one of his friends asked. "That is the talking clock," the man replied. "How's it work?" the friend asked. "Watch," the student said then proceeded to give the gong an ear shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall, "KNOCK IT OFF! It's 2 AM!" -<>- _ .-' '-. / \ |,-,-,-,-,| ___ | _)_(_ | (/ \) | _\_/_ /) / \_/ \// |( )\/ ||)_( |/ \ n| | / \ | |_|___| \|/ jgs _/L\_ ** Just Checking ** While I'm not sure of the procedure now, when I was in the Navy, every so often, you got umpteen shots, whether you needed them or not. The carrier pilot in front of me as we passed thru the line asked for a drink of water after receiving what seemed to be at least a dozen different needles. The Corpsman asked if he was dizzy. "No, not at all." he replied. "I just wanna see if I'm still water-tight." -<>- ** Our Vices ** (No Dis Intended... Just Humor) Three Mormon Bishops went hunting together. As they arrived and set up camp, one Bishop took out a can of coffee and proceeded to make himself some. The other two looked at him, shocked. "I don't have many vices, but when I'm camping, I just have to have a cup of coffee. The second Bishop looked relieved as he fished out his six-pack of beer. "I don't have many vices, either," he said, "But I love my beer when I'm camping." The third Bishop immediately started packing up his things. "Oh, come on," protested the other two, "Surely you have vises you don't want known." "Yes," he replied, still packing, "I'm a horrible gossip and I can't wait to get home!" -<>- _..--""-. .-""--.._ _.-' \ __...----...__ / '-._ .' .:::...,' ',...:::. '. ( .'``'''::; ;::'''``'. ) \ '-) (-' / \ / \ / \ .'.-. .-.'. / \ | \0| |0/ | / | \ | .-==-. | / | \ `/`; ;`\` / '.._ (_ | .-==-. | _) _..' `"`"-`/ `/' '\` \`-"`"` / /`; .==. ;`\ \ .---./_/ \ .==. / \ \ / '. `-.__) | `" | =(`-. '==. ; jgs \ '. `-. / \_:_) `"--.....-' ** The Environmentalist ** My friend Ann and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant. When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Ann made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair. "As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils." The waiter inspected her chopsticks. "Very beautiful," he said politely. Hmmmm. "Ivory." Very nice chopsticks. ============================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Humor With The Troops 4 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/humor4.html Wyoming Cowgirl http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/cowgirl.html Chalk Art 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart5.html Baby Thoughts http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/babythoughts.html Cat In A Box http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catinbox.html Elephant Hotel http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elhotel.html Humor In Politics 6 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics6.html It's A Dog's World http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogsworld.html Sweet Wooden Car http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcar.html -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Country Codes http://countrycode.org/ Free Tutorials http://free-tutorial-for.me/ 15 things you might not of known about the simpsons http://tinyurl.com/ya2k45d --- ...Cool info! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From PatDeE :) My brother-in-law, Kenwyn (who lives in Alaska sent me these teriffic photos and I would be remiss not to pass them on. Enjoy. Pat 53 years old…has been all over Alaska….out on the water in SE AK much of his life….out-of-this-world camera gear. My kayaking friend Ed Emswiler just spent a day with him seeing hidden coves and awesome sights…..here is his website John Hyde - photographer http://www.wildthingsphotography.com/ --- ...Beautiful! Thank You PatDeE! -<>- Everyone knows that men and women's brains are wired differently but this is perhaps the best explanation of the difference that I've heard. The Nothing Box http://biggeekdad.com/2011/07/the-nothing-box/ (sent via Shareaholic-Publishers) --- ...LOL! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From The Mouth: DISTURBING AUCTIONS As the saying goes, one person's trash is another's treasure. But sometimes, trash is just trash. Check out some of the most bizarre items found for sale on internet auction sites. http://www.disturbingauctions.com/ 80'S MOVIES REWIND This is the place to learn about the movies that made the 80's one of the most exciting and diverse in cinema history! Packed with info, pictures, trivia, soundtrack details, trailers, and more... http://www.fast-rewind.com/index.html -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Men Invented Everything http://www.buffaloschips.com/jkdak.htm Mouse http://www.buffaloschips.com/jdkoo.htm Movie http://www.buffaloschips.com/jhkji.htm Mozart http://www.buffaloschips.com/kkjop.htm Neumaticob http://www.buffaloschips.com/jijoij.htm Computer Upgrade http://www.buffaloschips.com/345lk.htm Concept Car http://www.buffaloschips.com/lkjjkl.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: ,----. ,-. ,----.,------. ,-. ,-.,-. ,-. / ,-,_/ ,' | / /"P /`-, ,-',' | / // |/ / / / __ ,' ,| | / ,---' / / ,' ,| | / // J P / / '-' /,' ,--. |/ / / /,' ,--. |/ // /| / `----''--' `-'`'.--""""--.--' `-'`' `' `-' nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn,'.n*""""*N.`.####################### NNNNNNNNNNNNNNN/ J',n*""*n.`L \##### ### ### ### #### : J J___/\___L L :##################### nnnnnnnnnnnnnn{ [{ `. ,' }] }## ### ### ### ### ## NNNNNNNNNNNNNN: T T /,'`.\ T J :##################### \ L,`*n,,n*',J / nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn`. *n,,,,n* ,'nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN`-..__..-'NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN ,-. ,-. ,-. ,----. ,----.,-. ,----. ,-. | `. \ `.| \\ .--`\ \"L \\ \\ .-._\ | `. o!0 | |. `. \ \ ` L \\ __\ \ . < \ \\ \ __ | |. `. | .--. `.\ \`-'\ \\ `---.\ \L `.\ \\ `-` \| .--. `. `-' `--``' `-'`----' `-'`-' `' `----'`-' `--' "'Captain America' is set in the 1940s, when people thought smoking was healthy and for breakfast, they would eat bacon smothered in beef fat with a side of asbestos." -Craig Ferguson "Borders bookstores announced that it will liquidate its stock and close all of its stores nationwide. I don't think this is what Republicans meant by 'closing our borders.'" -Jimmy Kimmel "Philadelphia has a new plan to ticket pedestrians who text without looking up while they walk. As opposed to the pre- vious punishment: lamp posts." -Jimmy Fallon "Due to the heat wave, health experts in the Midwest are telling people to 'go easy on their workouts.' People in the Midwest responded, 'What workouts?'" --Conan O'Brien "The new 'Harry Potter' movie made almost half a billion dollars. Maybe now, Harry can afford laser eye surgery." -David Letterman "Why do they give heat warnings? I think I'm pretty good at figuring out that it's hot on my own." -Jimmy Kimmel "A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conver- sationalist is one who talks to you about yourself." -Lisa Kirk "Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own short- comings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters." --Margaret Halsey "Since childhood is a time when kids prepare to be grown ups, I think it makes a lot of sense to completely traumatize your children. Gets 'em ready for the real world" --George Carlin "The chain-smoking toddler from Indonesia has cut down to 15 cigarettes per day. You know what would get him to stop smoking for good? It's a lesser-known treatment called, 'Don't give him any.'" -Jimmy Kimmel A politician is a man who will doublecross a bridge when he comes to it. - Oscar Levant >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************