War Trivia And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ()_()()_() / ..)(.. \ __/ ( || ) \_ (_/ * * (_) | | | || ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ | | | \_/| \__/ | | > \ / <__,--,__|/|_> unknown *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2011 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2011 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first scorcher comes from a forward from our friend PatDeE. I find this series to be rib tickling! Check out this our latest one... '."""""""""""""""""`. `. ... `. `. /@ `. `. .'"":_ :"""""".'| .'//)/) ` (/)/)).' | .'/)_/"" __ ""\.' ^ | |"""(((""""((("""| | | | "" "" | U | | | High Quality | P .' | Bananas | .' | | .' | |' """""""""""""""" MacGyver - How To Do It 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver3.html --- ...Funny! Thanks PatDeE! This next one is a bit of a classic but one I had been meaning to do up. It comes from our friend John-Paul! An amazing one - for sure! ___________ .;---------./| // S O A P // | |'---------'| / jgs | | / '-----------'` At The Car Wash! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carwash.html --- ...Love this one! Thanks John-Paul! ================================================================ >-->From The FunnyBone: Who's The Best? __.__ .-' `-. :` . . . `: :.` `.` `.` `.: The Italian and the Polish parachutists \ \ / / were arguing about who was best at `\ \ / /' folding a parachute. Unable to resolve `\ Y /' their dispute on the ground, they decided `|' to go up in the plane and judge by the () mid-air performance of their chutes. --[]-- // jgs The Pole jumped first, pulled the cord, \\ and started floating toward the earth. `` The Italian jumped, pulled the cord - and nothing happened. He pulled the safety cord - nothing. In a matter of seconds he whizzed past the Pole, plummeting like a stone. "Oh," shouted the Pole, yanking off his harness, "so ya wanna race!" ==================================================================== +------------ Bizarre April Holidays -----------+ April 1 is One Cent Day April 2 is National Peanut Butter and Jelly Day April 3 is Tweed Day & Don't Go To Work Unless It's Fun Day April 4 is Tell-A-Lie Day April 5 is Go For Broke Day April 6 is Sorry Charlie Day April 7 is No Housework Day April 8 is All Is Ours Day April 9 is Winston Churchill Day and Name Yourself Day April 10 is Golfers Day --- ...I guess since I'm an April Fool I should be saying 'my one cent' instead of 'my two cents' - just a one cent thought ;) ================================================================== >-->From ArcaMaxJokes: _______ ,-' `.__ ( `._ ) __ __ ) / .-/_,'._\-. ( / /,'d e_e b`.\ \ / &' \ - / `& `._ ( __) (__ ) \ .-' `-' `-. / \ ,'\ / \ /`. / j/ ,'Y Y`. \ j (_}' |_______| `.{_) \\ / \ // " / Y \ " `----^----' \ | / ( | ) \ | / )|( &=Y=& hjw (_/ \_) _____________ >Progression Worried patient: 'Doctor, I'm very worried. I'm still suffering from exhaustion and fatigue when I come home from work every evening.' Doctor: 'Oh, that's nothing to worry about. Just have a few drinks before your dinner - that will soon wake you up.' Patient: 'Thanks very much, doctor! But when I consulted you before, you told me to cut out drinking alcohol completely.' Doctor: 'Yes, so I did. But that was last week, old chap - and medical science has progressed enormously since then.' -<>- | | | _ | | <_> | | | | | `-._ | |`-._| | | _________________________________|____ `-._ `-._ | `-._ `-._ | kat `-._ `-._ >Football Pool Grandma was nearly ninety years of age when she won 1,000,000 pounds on the football pools. Her family were extremely worried about her heart and feared that news of her large win would come as too much of a shock for her. 'Think we had better call in the doctor to tell her the news,' suggested the eldest son. The doctor soon arrived and the situation was explained to him. 'Now, you don't have to worry about anything,' said the doctor. 'I am fully trained in such delicate matters and I feel sure I can break this news to her gently. I assure you, there is absolutely no need for you to fear for her health. Everything will be quite safe if left to me.' The doctor went in to see the old lady and gradually brought the conversation around to football pools. 'Tell me,' said the doctor, 'what would you do if you had a large win on the pools - say one million pounds?' 'Why,' replied the old lady, 'I'd give half of it to you, of course.' The doctor fell down dead with shock. -<>- >Can't Sleep The senior civil servant went to the doctor and complained of being unable to sleep. Doctor: 'Oh! Don't you sleep at night?' Civil servant: 'Yes, I sleep very well at night. And I sleep quite soundly most of the mornings, too - but I find it's very difficult to sleep in the afternoons as well.' ================================================================= >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) _A .'`"`'. / , , \ | <\^/> | | < (_) >| /====\ (.--._ _.--.) |\ -`\- /| |(_.- >-.)| \__.-'^'._/ |\ . / _.'\ '----'|'-. _.-' O ;-.__.' \O `o. /o \ \/-.-\/| \ jgs| ;, '.|\| / >The Cop The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection. The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects. He said, ''I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday-School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally.... I assumed you had stolen the car.'' Priceless. --- ...HaHa! Thanks Sandi! ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) , /( ((|) \( i^i +| | + + + + | |& + + + + &| |&& + + + &&|_|&& @@@@@ + + + &||| @@@@@@ $$$ + + + ||| @@@@@ $$$$$$ + + +|||+ @@ $$$$$$ + + + ||| + $$$$$ ***** + + + ||| + $$ ******** + + + ||| + ******** + + + |||+ ******* + + + + + + + +`+ ** #### + + ######## + + ########## + || + ######### + /||\ /\ + #### + / || | __\ \ + +__ / || || \\ \ + +/ \ / | || || _\\ \ + +| / / /| || || | \ \/+ +| /\/ / / | || || \ \ /+ +|| | / / | || || _\ / \ + + _|| | / /__ | || || |_ / /\ \ + + +| |_ | | ad. / || || || \/ / \ \ | + + + + + || \| | /______||_||_||____\/ \ \ |_______+ + + + + + + +| ||_||____\_| >When I Say I am a Christian Poem When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not shouting "I am saved" I'm whispering "I was lost" That is why I chose this way. When I say..."I am a Christian" I don't speak of this with pride. I'm confessing that I stumble And need someone to be my guide. When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not trying to be strong. I'm professing that I'm weak And pray for strength to carry on. When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success. I'm admitting I have failed And cannot ever pay the debt. When I say..."I am a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect, My flaws are all too visible, But God believes I'm worth it. When I say..."I am a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain I have my share of heartaches Which is why I speak His name. When I say..."I am a Christian" I do not wish to judge. I have no authority. I only know I'm loved. When I Say I am a Christian Poem © Carol S. Wimmer --- ...Sweet! Thanks Johanna! -<>- _________________________________________________________ ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||.--. .-._ .----. || |||==|____| |H|___ .---.___|""""|_____.--.___ || ||| |====| | |xxx|_ |+++|=-=|_ _|-=+=-|==|---||| |||==| | | | | \ | | |_\/_|Black| | ^ ||| ||| | | | | |\ \ .--. | |=-=|_/\_|-=+=-| | ^ ||| ||| | | | | |_\ \_( oo )| | | |Magus| | ^ ||| |||==|====| |H|xxx| \ \ |''| |+++|=-=|""""|-=+=-|==|---||| ||`--^----'-^-^---' `-' "" '---^---^----^-----^--^---^|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| || ___ .-.__.-----. .---.|| || |===| .---. __ .---| |XX|<(*)>|_|^^^||| || , /(| |_|III|__|''|__|:x:|=| | |=| Q ||| || _a'{ / (|===|+| |++| |==| | | |Illum| | R ||| || '/\\/ _(|===|-| | |''| |:x:|=| |inati| | Y ||| ||_____ -\{___(| |-| | | | | | | | | | Z ||| || _(____)|===|+|[I]|DK|''|==|:x:|=|XX|<(*)>|=|^^^||| || `---^-^---^--^--'--^---^-^--^-----^-^---^|| ||-------------------------------------------------------|| ||_______________________________________________________|| Qryz >The World's Shortest Books THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE by Barack Obama OTHER BLACK PEOPLE I'VE MET WHILE YACHTING by Tiger Woods THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan, Illustrated by Michael Moore MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS & HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL by Hillary Clinton THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY, THE SEQUEL by Bill Clinton THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD by Bill Gates THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY by Dennis Rodman THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE by Al Gore & John Kerry AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES by Dr. J. Kevorkian TO ALL THE MEN WE'VE LOVED BEFORE... by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLER(S) by O. J. Simpson HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY by Ted Kennedy MY BOOK OF MORALS by Bill Clinton and Tiger Woods, introduction by Rev. Jesse Jackson My Life as a Fiscal Conservative by George W. Bush Free Markets and Healthcare by Barak Obama, Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid Being Accountable by Barney Frank Your Kids' Education Comes First-NEA What I Would Not Do For Money II- Mary Landreiu (D-LA) Forward by Dennis Rodman Guide To Unbiased Journalism - New York Times and the Washington Post. Barack Obama's Record of Real-World Accomplishments. Joe Biden's Witty and Intelligent Sayings. George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names "HONESTY & ETHICS" by Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid The British Guide to Dental Health. The Irish guide to Sobriety. TO ALL THE GIRLS I'VE LOVED BEFORE - Barney Frank EVERYTHING I DON'T KNOW - by Bill O'Reilly THE ADVANTAGES OF MONOGAMY - by Tiger Woods MY LIFE OF CELIBACY by Gene Simmons THE MOST BEAUTIFUL SUNSETS by Helen Keller MOTHERHOOD by Britney Spears GUN SAFETY by Dick Cheney DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB MIKE TYSON'S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE FRENCH MILITARY VICTORIES THE BOOK OF VIRTUES by Bill Clinton BEAUTY SECRETS by Janet Reno MY BORING TEENAGE YEARS by Miley Cyrus HOW TO GET INTO THE SUPERBOWL by Dan Marino The Wit and Wisdom of Dan Quayle. Famous Italian War Heroes The Haitian Guide to Economic Prosperity How to run a successful socialist country - Hugo Chavez The proof behind the Bush National Guard documents - Dan Rather Guide to a Clean and Virtuous Life - Lindsey Lohan Worst Democrat Politicians in the World - Keith Olbermann My Funniest Bits - Stuart Smalley Ethics and the Democratic Party My Beauty Secrets" by Helen Thomas How to be Faithful to one Woman by Bill Clinton with John Edwards, Jesse Jackson and Tiger Woods. --- ...HaHa! Good Ones! Thanks Johanna! =========================================================== >-->From Our Friend PatDeE :) __---__ ______ / ___\_ o O O _( )__ /====(_____\___---_ o _( )_ | \ (_ AI-YA!!!! ) | |@ (_ Shot _) \ ___ / (__ Again!__) \ __----____--_\____(____\_____/ (______) ==|__----____--______| / / \____/)_ / ______) / | | | _| | ______\______________|______ / * * \ /_____________*____*___________\ / * * \ /________________________________\ / * \ /__________________________________\ | | |________________________| | | |________________________| unknown (after W< ) >MILITARY URBAN LEGENDS. The army thrived on rumours, stories, exaggerations and urban legends, here are a few of my favourites. One of the first I ever heard went like this.. A conscript was called up for national service. From the day he arrived he would pick up pieces of paper which he would read before throwing them away. He would then pick up the next piece and do the same.. that's all he did all day. The staff were worried, could it be that he was insane? after a quick consulation with the medical officer it was decided to give him a medical discharge. The admin officer called him over and handed him his discharge certificate. The guy took it and looked at it intently before waving it in the officers face... "Aha! thats the paper I was looking for" Read More Here: http://www.allatsea.co.za/army/legends.htm ==== Very interesting WW II Trivia You might enjoy this from Col D. G. Swinford, USMC, Ret and history buff. You would really have to dig deep to get this kind of ringside seat to history: 1. The first German serviceman killed in WW II was killed by the Japanese (China, 1937), the first American serviceman killed was killed by the Russians (Finland 1940); highest ranking American killed was Lt Gen Lesley McNair, killed by the US Army Air Corps. So much for allies. 2. The youngest US serviceman was 12 year old Calvin Graham, USN. He was wounded and given a Dishonorable Discharge for lying about his age. His benefits were later restored by act of Congress. 3. At the time of Pearl Harbor, the top US Navy command was called CINCUS (pronounced 'sink us'), the shoulder patch of the US Army's 45th Infantry division was the Swastika, and Hitler's private train was named 'Amerika.' All three were soon changed for PR purposes. 4. More US servicemen died in the Air Corps than the Marine Corps. While completing the required 30 missions, your chance of being killed was 71%. 5. Generally speaking, there was no such thing as an average fighter pilot. You were either an ace or a target. For instance, Japanese Ace Hiroyoshi Nishizawa shot down over 80 planes. He died while a passenger on a cargo plane. 6. It was a common practice on fighter planes to load every 5th round with a tracer round to aid in aiming. This was a mistake. Tracers had different ballistics so (at long range) if your tracers were hitting the target 80% of your rounds were missing. Worse yet tracers instantly told your enemy he was under fire and from which direction. Worst of all was the practice of loading a string of tracers at the end of the belt to tell you that you were out of ammo. This was definitely not something you wanted to tell the enemy. Units that stopped using tracers saw their success rate nearly double and their loss rate go down. YOU'VE GOT TO LOVE THIS ONE........ 7. When allied armies reached theRhine, the first thing men did was pee in it. This was pretty universal from the lowest private to Winston Churchill (who made a big show of it) and Gen. Patton (who had himself photographed in the act). 8. German Me-264 bombers were capable of bombing New York City, but they decided it wasn't worth the effort. 9. German submarine U-120 was sunk by a malfunctioning toilet. 10. Among the first 'Germans' captured at Normandy were several Koreans. They had been forced to fight for the Japanese Army until they were captured by the Russians and forced to fight for the Russian Army until they were captured by the Germans and forced to fight for the German Army until they were captured by the US Army. AND I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST.... 11. Following a massive naval bombardment, 35,000 United States and Canadian troops stormed ashore at Kiska, in the Aleutian Islands. 21 troops were killed in the assault on the island. It could have been worse if there had been any Japanese on the island. --- ...LOL! Amazing! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | | ! | | | | ! |~~~~' | ! | | | | ! | >English lesson for the day People say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED. But there is. When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE. And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED. And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are...COMPLETELY FINISHED That's the way it is! --- ...TeeHee! Well Said! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >One Liner Of The Year... Solution to the problem in Libya: Libyans say they want a new Muslim leader, I say give them ours. Solves 2 problems........ --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks PatDeE! =========================================================== ) ) __ ( __ (~( __ (~( \O\ )~) )O) )_) (O( (_(__ ( )_) ) )~)__ __ /O/ )~) ) (~( (_( (O( __ \O\ ) )_)(~( \_\ __ )O) ( __________ _ (~( __(_( __ _-' `-_ ,-----' | _ \O\<'~_`) ) )~) / *SNORT!* \ | // : | -' )_))^ \\ __(O( ___| MUHAHAHAHAHAH!!! | | // : | --- >__;` (~( )_) `-. mmWAHAHAHA!!!!! | | // : | -._ /\_\ \O\ \ YEEHAH!!! / `-----._| __ /__( \| )_) `--___________--' _/___\_ //)_`/( (| ||] _____[_______]_[~~-_ (.L)O) || [____________________]' (_(,/(~( ||| / )~) ,___,'./\O\ ||| \ (O(|,'______|( )_) ||| / )_) I==|| __ ||| \ __/_|| __||__)~) -----||-/------`-._/||-o-_o__(O(-- __ ~~~~~' ____ __ /_O_/.\_\ \~\ \_O_\ /~/__/_/O`.o. \O\ ____ /O/_\_O/_/ `.' . \_\ /_O_/ /_/\_O_\ \O\ ,o,' \_\ `.' >-->From Both Our Friends Linda And PatDeE :) This year July has 5 Fridays 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays. This apparently happens once every 823 years. This is called money bags. So send this on and money will arrive in 5 days. Based on Chinese feng shui the one who does not pass this on will have money troubles for the rest of the year... Don't want it to be me!!!!! --- ...LOL! Thanks Linda And PatDeE! Looking this one up tells us we've been Money Bagged all right or Rather SACKED would be the phrase - check it out here... http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/trivia/fivedays.asp Don't count on those bags of cash or should I say penny? This must be one of those April Fools emails! ============================================================ >-->In The World News: >Breaking News from Newsmax.com Exclusive to Newsmax: Donald Trump’s Birth Certificate Donald Trump, who has been making television appearances calling for President Barack Obama to release his official birth documents, released his birth certificate exclusively to Newsmax on Monday. “It took me one hour to get [it],” said the possible presidential candidate. “Why’s he making an issue out of this?" Read the Full Story and View the Document — Go Here Now http://tinyurl.com/48gsueo http://www.newsmax.com/ -<>- >From BizarreNews: Finally, a simple, practical solution has been suggested by your government. The Congressional Budget Office (CBO) has released a report that said taxing people based on how many miles they drive is a possible option for raising new revenues and that these taxes could be used to offset the costs of highway maintenance at a time when federal funds are short. The report discussed the proposal in detail, including the development of technology that would allow total vehicle miles traveled (VMT) to be tracked, reported and taxed. Now why didn't anybody think of that before? Roads and bridges have to be maintained. The money has to come from somewhere. I mean, it's not like we pay a tax on gasoline or anything. Wait a minute...now that I think of it I do recall reading somewhere that drivers pay, on average, 49 cents tax per gallon of gasoline. That includes both a federal and a state tax to be used specifically for transportation infrastructure. Of course, with the state and federal gas tax, the toll road system that most states maintain, not to mention license plate stickers, vehicle stickers and traffic tickets (and you better believe those are a tax), you would think that government on all levels would be swimming in positive cash flow. Apparently not, because the VMT tax would be in ADDITION to all of these other taxes, and remember, instituting this new tax would require that all vehicles be tracked, probably with some sort of onboard GPS. So Big Brother will always know where you've been and how far you've traveled. And if you think this is the last of it, remember the term "carbon credits." That is nothing more than a fancy phrase for yet another tax. It seems enough is never enough when it comes to government and taxes. - *N.Y. DWI suspect comes to court drunk* --- MONTICELLO, N.Y. - A New York state judge ordered a drunken driving suspect who showed up to court intoxicated with a bag full of beer to be held without bail. Authorities said Keith Gruber, 49, of Swan Lake, arrived for his 10:30 a.m. Monday pretrial hearing in Judge Frank LaBuda's courtroom in Monticello holding an open can of Busch beer and carrying a bag containing four more cans, the Times Herald-Record of Middletown reported Wednesday. "It was obvious he was intoxicated," LaBuda said of Gruber, who is facing a felony driving-while-intoxicated charge. Gruber, who has previous DWI convictions and was out on $30,000 bail at the time of his Monday court appearance, was ordered held without bail. -- *Pants rip leads to fake shooting story* --- SALT LAKE CITY - Salt Lake City police said a teenager made up a story about a shooting to avoid getting in trouble with his parents for ripping his new pants. Police Sgt. Mikal Wersland said the 14-year-old boy reported being grazed by a bullet just prior to 6 p.m. However, Wersland said numerous witnesses said they did not hear any gunfire in the area and the boy eventually admitted concocting the story. "A 14-year-old kid tore his new pants. He fell down and tore the knee," Wersland said. "He didn't want to get in trouble. He was claiming he was grazed, but it's a scrape where he fell down." Wersland did not say whether any charges were being sought against the boy. -<>- >From Archived CoffeeBreak: Britain's worst car: Austin Allegro British residents have voted the Austin Allegro the worst car ever to traverse U.K. roads. The poll of 4,000 people found the Allegro, which was once the fifth best-selling car in Britain, was the most hated among respondents, with nearly a quarter of those polled expressing a loathing for the vehicle, The Scotsman reported. The Allegro was despised for its tendency to rust, poor quality of construction and the tendency for the rear window to pop out. The second worst car to grace British roads, as chosen by those polled, was the Morris Ital with 23.4 percent of votes. The Talbot Sunbeam was voted third worst vehicle with 11.5 percent. The survey was commissioned by iMotormag.co.uk. "In the face of superior alternatives from Europe and the Far East, cars like the Austin Allegro were the final nail in the coffin for the once-dominant British motor industry," said Mat Watson, an editor for the automotive Web site. Hartford defends its scooter parking ban Parking officials in Hartford, Conn., have defended a ban on scooters and motorcycles in city garages after environmentally-conscious commuters complained. Sonny Parlin said he was surprised to discover the red scooter he purchased to save gas and reduce carbon emissions was not allowed in the parking garage at the end of his commute to Hartford, the Hartford Courier reported. Parlin said the Hartford Parking Authority told him his scooter was a danger to himself and other garage patrons. "I was furious," Parlin said. "I feel I'm doing my part for the environment and what do I get in return? I feel like I was shut down. They don't have a place for me to park my vehicle." Parking Authority Executive Director Jim Kopency said there are numerous reasons why scooters and motorcycles are not allowed at any of the four city-run parking garages. He said motorized bikes are smaller than automobiles and harder to see, and the smaller vehicles often move too fast for drivers to react. Kopency said scooters can be dangerous in the garages because they lack the mass of automobiles, so motion sensors that control the entrance and exit gates can't detect them and could injure a scooter driver by closing too quickly. Alleged knife in sandwich spurs memories Some customers said a suit against Subway by a New York who claimed he found a knife in his sandwich brought back unpleasant memories. John Agnesini is seeking $1 million from the restaurant chain after a sandwich he purchased from a Manhattan location allegedly contained a serrated 7-inch knife baked into the bread, the New York Post reported. The incident brought back memories for former Subway customer Lauren Goldman, 22, who said she discovered a knife in her Subway sandwich two years ago. However, unlike Agnesini, she was not lucky enough to notice the utensil until after taking a bite of her sub. "It was ... so sharp it could've taken my tongue off in a second," Goldman said. She said settled the matter with Subway's insurance company for $2,500. Other customers said they were shocked to hear about the alleged surprise ingredient in Agnesini's cold cut sub. "I'm horrified. I don't know if I'll be able to eat again," customer Kathleen Dulay, 21, said. "I'm going to tell everyone in my office about this because we all go there." ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: __ __ |. ||. | .| || ||| | | | W |: ||: | |'| [ ] ._____ | || | | | .--'| 3 .---"| |. |' _ | || |-. | | __ |. | /| _|__ | || |__ .-'| _| || | || '- | || \|// / | |' | | | |' |' | |.| || | || '-' -( )-| | | | | | | __| '-' ' '' ' "" ' J V | ` - |_' ' |__ ___ ' / \ \/ | As a student driver in New York City, I was taking the road test for my driver's license. When someone cut me off, I held my temper so I wouldn't look out of control. "You have a lot to learn," said the inspector. At a red light, the car behind tapped my bumper. I remained calm while the inspector shook his head. When the light turned, I accelerated, but the car behind sped up and cut me off. That did it! I hit the horn as hard as I could. The inspector turned to me, smiled and said, "Now you're getting the hang of it." [Thanks to Reader's Digest.] -<>- ____ / __\ |: /---) \ / ___ \:( _/ \ / /_ \ \ \ \/ \_\::) \_ \ _0""0_ / _/ \ \/= \/ =\/ / \ | (||) | / \_\______/_/ __// \\__ /__//====\\__\ _ //__//====\\__\\ _ _ //__//====\\__\\ _ _ // /( )\ \\ _ _ / /( )\ \ _ |( )| / \ / /||\ \ \:_/\_:/ S@yaN 11.11.02 Two lobsters were sunbathing on the beach. The lady lobster suggested that the gentleman lobster to get them an ice cream each. Having purchased two ice cream cones Mr. Lobster made his way back to the beach, deciding on the way to eat his ice cream. By the time he has finished the ice cream he realized that his lady friend's ice cream had started to melt all down his claw, so he licked it up and ended up eating it. When he arrived back at the beach his lady lobster friend exclaimed, "Where are the ice creams?" "Well" he said. "I decided to eat mine. Then yours melted, so I ate that too." His lady friend was incensed and cried, "How could you be so shellfish!" -<>- Our new office computer system was down as much as it was working. My co-worker Cathy decided to stay late one evening to catch up on the work that had accumulated. On her way home, a police officer stopped her for speeding. "What a perfect end to an awful day!" she exclaimed. "Our computer is up, then down -- up, then down. I stay late to catch up, and now this!" The officer was unaffected by Cathy's griping, and he went to his car to prepare a citation. After what seemed an eternity, he returned with her license and registration. As he handed them to her, he smiled and said, "Our computer is down." [Borrowed from Reader's Digest.] -<>- ,-~~-.___. / ()=(() \ ( ( 0 \._\, ,----' CURSE ##XXXxxxxxxx / ---'~; YOU / /~|- =( ~~ | RED /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\ /_______________________\ BARON! /_________________________\ /___________________________\ |____________________| |____________________| |____________________| W< | | I had been teaching my seventh-graders about World War II, and a test question was, "What was the largest amphibious assault of all time?" Expecting to see "the D-Day invasion" as the answer, I found instead on one paper, "Moses and the plague of frogs." -<>- While I was serving as a chief master sergeant at Barksdale Air Force Base in Bossier City, La., my son and namesake was also serving there. His two month old son, whose name was the same as ours, was receiving medical treatments at the base hospital. I went on sick call one morning, and as the doctor reviewed my file, he looked at me in disbelief. "Are you Curtis E. Chaffin?" he asked. When I answered yes, he told me, "It says here that you turn blue when you cry." -<>- When a toothpaste company got into trouble because of the amount of fluoride that their product contained, they de- cided to hold an open house at their factory to reduce public concern. Unfortunately, one of the touring groups accident- ally became locked in the refrigerated storeroom, where they all died. The following day, the local newspaper headline exclaimed, "Tooth Company Freeze a Crowd." ============================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: Some Assembly Required Working as a cargo handler for a major package delivery company, I came across an express envelope with shipping instructions that puzzled me, particularly the line describing the contents. I finally realized the parcel contained some kind of manual and was addressed to a church. But at first I thought I was processing one of our company's most momentous pieces of freight. The description read, "Instructions for the Assembly of God." This post is brought your way by Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day Ministries. To subscribe go to http://www.sermonfodder.com or drop an email note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please leave this attached if you forward this to friends. ======================================== ,-~~-.___. / | ' \ It was a dark and stormy night.... ( ) 0 \_/-, ,----' ==== // / \-'~; /~~~(O) / __/~| / | =( _____| (_________| W< ON Dogs...... I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. -- Rita Rudner Ever consider what they must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! -- Anne Tyler ======================================== , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >Learning to Think Christianly Taking Time to Study Pollster George Barna, one of the most astute observers of the evangelical scene today, is in the midst of a nationwide tour conducting seminars for ministers and church leaders. One of the things he discovered that disturbed him most, he said, was that so few born-again Christians have a biblical worldview. According to one study, 91 percent do not have a worldview. And this, Barna concluded, is one of the reasons the Church is so weak. At BreakPoint and the Wilberforce Forum, we're trying hard to do something about that. Daily broadcasts on radio stations nationwide tell you how to apply biblical truths to current issues. We also provide resources through our call center and websites for people who are serious about putting their faith to work in all of life. And we regularly hear from people who are using our materials to do just that. One lawyer told me that he has started a discussion group, studying worldview with non-believers in his firm. A college professor said that he uses BreakPoints to start discussions in his secular college classroom. A businessman in Minneapolis leads a group of businessmen in worldview discussions and sends them out to teach others. And my friend Nancy Fitzgerald in Indianapolis teaches worldview lessons to teenagers in her home. Last year, two groups of one hundred arrived each Sunday, listened to an hour-long lecture, and then camped out all over her house in small groups to talk about what they had learned. Many of them keep up with her after they get to college. I suspect there are many of you listening who would like to do something like this. Well, we have some ways to help you. One is an online worldview course. We're now in our third session, and I've seen a tremendous response in my online chats with students eager to learn. And today we're announcing a new program for those who want to go even deeper: a one-year intensive worldview study program called "The Centurions." Our goal is to teach one hundred Christian men and women to understand, articulate, and live out a biblical worldview-and then, to teach it to others. Participants will learn through a self-paced study and through seminars in Washington, which I will help teach. We'll cover everything from politics to education to the arts. Since we're limited to one hundred, there is an application process that includes a pledge for each applicant to use this training to help their churches and communities learn how to think Christianly and live out a biblical worldview. We're praying that God will raise up Centurions from every part of the country, from every church affiliation, and from many different career fields. George Barna is right: A major weakness of the Church is that we don't think outside of the sanctuary, and we haven't cultivated a Christian mind. If we're going to succeed in restoring a moral influence in American culture, we need to change that. The next section of the online course begins on October 20, and we're now considering applicants for the Centurions program. For more information about either program, call us here at 1-877-3-CALLBP (1-877-322-5527). Today it is vital for us to prepare ourselves to become God's agents in shaping this culture and bringing biblical truth to bear on all of life. Anybody out there listening? Are you ready to go to war to defend what we believe? Call us. For printer-friendly version, simply visit www.breakpoint.org and click on Today's Commentary. The printer-friendly link is on the left-hand column. Copyright (c) 2003 Prison Fellowship Ministries =============================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: ______ __________________: ( _____ ) ( ) / / - - \ \ ( Hmmm... now where ) | |-O-O-| | o O ( IS that brain ) |( () )| ( of mine? ) | \ \_/ / | ( _________________ ) / --- \ (___) (___) unknown THE STELLA AWARDS Most of the country has heard of the Darwin Awards given annually to the individuals who do the most for mankind by removing themselves from the gene pool. Now, we have the Stella Awards given to the individuals who win the most frivolous lawsuits ever. The Stella Awards are named in honor of 81-year-old Stella Liebeck, the woman who won $2.9 million for spilling a cup of McDonald's coffee on herself. The following are candidates for the Award: 1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle after tripping over a toddler who was running amok inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering that the misbehaving little fellow was Ms. Robertson's son. 2. June 1998: 19-year-old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps. 3. October 1998: Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pa., was leaving a house he had just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage door to go up, because the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found in the garage and a large bag of dry dog food. Mr. Dickson sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of a half million dollars. 4. October 1999: Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's beagle. The dog was on a chain in its owner's fenced-in yard at the time. Mr. Williams was also in the fenced-in yard. The award was less than sought because the jury felt the dog may have been provoked by Mr. Williams who, at the time, was repeatedly shooting it with a pellet gun. 5. December 1997: A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster, Pa., $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. 6. December 1997: Kara Walton of Clamont, DE, successfully sued the owner of a night club when she fell from the bathroom window to the floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms. Walton was trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental expenses. Let's not forget to give our lawyers and judges a round of applause! And don't forget the ladies and gentlemen on the jury. -<>- >ACTUAL LETTERS THAT DEAR ABBY ADMITTED SHE WAS AT A LOSS TO ANSWER: Dear Abby A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese? Dear Abby What can I do about all the sex, nudity, bad language and violence on my VCR? Dear Abby I have a man I can never trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his. Dear Abby I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years. It's getting expensive and I think my boy friend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him. Dear Abby I suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again. Dear Abby Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a good Christian home turn against his own? Dear Abby I joined the navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out? Dear Abby My forty year old son has been paying a psychiatrist $50.00 an hour every week for two and a half years. He must be crazy. Dear Abby I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he drank until one night he came home sober. Dear Abby My mother is mean and short tempered. I think she is going through mental pause -<>- + (|) _____.___.|_|. | / \ |===| | / \ | o | |__/__v__\|, ,| | | | | | || || |/| . . . |','| ||| A A A | , | ||| M M M | | wtx --------------------- A minister was called to a small town in northern Minnesota. It was notoriously known among the clergy that no one ever lasted more than one year there. Our minister was in need of a respite, and accepted the call, taking with him all the books he'd been too busy to read in previous ministries. He did his stint for a year, enjoyed a leisurely ministry, but at the end of that year, he packed up his belongings, ready to move on. In the midst of his packing, the pulpit committee came to see him. "Preacher," they said, "we want you to stay." He was struck dumb, just started unpacking his stuff, nodding. The next day on his way to the post office he ran into one of the committee members and said, "I couldn't even speak yesterday when you boys came to see me. I was stunned! This town never keeps a minister longer than one year. Why now?" The committeeman smiled and shook his hand. "Well, what this town really wants is no minister at all - and you've come closest!" -<>- .-. | | |=| |=| | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |=| jgs |=| |_| .=/I\=. ////V\\\\ |#######| ||||||||| ||||||||| My mother is a cleaning fanatic. One Saturday she told me and my brother to get down to the rec room and straighten it up. We had had a party there the previous evening, and she was none too happy about the mess. As she watched us work, it was clear that Mom was completely dissatisfied with our cleaning efforts and let us know it. Finally my brother, exasperated with having to do it all over, reached for a broom and asked Mom, "Can I use this, or were you planning to fly somewhere?" --- ...HaHa - had I said that to My Mom, I'd be on the floor! -<>- Once upon a time there was a little boy who was raised in an orphanage. The little boy had always wished that he could fly like a bird. It was very difficult for him to understand why he could not fly. There were birds at the zoo that were much bigger than he, and they could fly. "Why can't I?" he thought. "Is there something wrong with me?" he wondered. There was another little boy who was crippled. He had always wished that he could walk and run like other little boys and girls. "Why can't I be like them?" he thought. One day the little orphan boy, who had wanted to fly like a bird, ran away from the orphanage. He came upon a park where he saw the little boy, who could not walk or run, playing in the sandbox. He ran over to the little boy and asked him if he had ever wanted to fly like a bird. "No," said the little boy who could not walk or run. "But I have wondered what it would be like to walk and run like other boys and girls." "That is very sad," said the little boy who wanted to fly. "Do you think we could be friends?" he said to the little boy in the sandbox. "Sure," said the little boy. The two little boys played for hours. They made sand castles and made really funny sounds with their mouths. Sounds which made them laugh real hard. Then the little boy's father came with a wheelchair to pick up his son. The little boy who had always wanted to fly ran over to the boy's father and whispered something into his ear. "That would be OK," said the man. The little boy who had always wanted to fly like a bird ran over to his new friend and said, "You are my only friend and I wish that there was something that I could do to make you walk and run like other little boys and girls. But I can't. But there is something that I can do for you." The little orphan boy turned around and told his new friend to slide up onto his back. He then began to run across the grass. Faster and faster he ran, carrying the little crippled boy on his back. Faster and harder he ran across the park. Harder and harder he made his legs travel. Soon the wind just whistled across the two little boys' faces. The little boy's father began to cry as he watched his beautiful little crippled son flapping his arms up and down in the wind, all the while yelling at the top of his voice, "I'M FLYING, DADDY. I'M FLYING!" -<>- /~, .-.-.~ ~/.-.-. '. .' ,___.-.-.'. .'~ ~/! ~/, '. .'\ ! ___/,! .-.-. ! \! / .-.-. '. .' ! ,|/ '. .' ! |~ ! ! ~| ! \|/ lc ~"^"~"^"~ >The Sore Bride A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman. But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life. She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!" The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh My! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, but I thought he meant his money!!" -<>- ___ //))))) )))@_@) ((( = ) ))) -(_ __ / `-'\\ /,\\\` /__| )y | < \ (\_/ `.\ \ {>>>` | /`-'\____| / c \\ / (C \_ _))\ `-'-._/ \ / /\ \ / ,' `. \ / / \ \ <\_\_ \ \ `---` (_`-\_ `---' hjw I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is a great time for women. Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be.... Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck) you'll probably relate. Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache. In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag. Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around. Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless. Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too." Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sitting on our biggest ones. Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?" In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water. Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin. Mid-life means that you become more reflective... You start pondering the "big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice? But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it! REMEMBER: "Stressed" spelled backward is "desserts." Send this to four women and you will lose two pounds. Send this to all the women you know (or ever knew), and you will lose 10 pounds. If you delete this message, you will gain 10 pounds immediately. (That's why I had to pass this on-I didn't want to risk it! :) -<>- _.._..,_,_ ( ) ]~,"-.-~~[ .=])' (; ([ | ]:: ' [ '=]): .) ([ |:: ' | ~~----~~ Paul Martin Howard >A Deep Thought...By a Redneck! Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver. -<>- >Wedding ring A young bride and groom to be had just selected the wedding ring. As the girl admired the plain platinum and diamond band, she suddenly looked concerned. "Tell me," she asked the elderly salesman, "is there anything special I'll have to do to take care of this ring?" With a fatherly smile, the salesman said, "One of the best ways to protect a wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day." -<>- YOU MORON! YOU GOMMIE! YOU GOBSLUTCH! YOU MAGGOT, KNOBBO, DEADHEAD! DORK, HAIRBALL, HIMBO, MEATBALL... / /(,_\ ) _ oo \[,\_Y. // _________// |||| /______` \ \_-_) _// / . . \ // / ,\ / /\ '/ \\\( / , / \/ / __ / /\( \\ Oh, Please Excuse my french... _/ /(,_\ ) "\ \ )__Y. )/ _________// \\\| \ ____` \ \_-_) _)) / . . \ // / ,)/ /\ '/ \\\\/ , / \/ / __ / b'ger /\( \\ "As the French say, that certain 'I don't know what'". ----- Dr. Evil - Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me --- ...Oh, but it sounds so elegant and sexy when THEY say it - "Je ne sais quoi" - I love it when you speak French! - The Addams Family http://tinyurl.com/29z5t7 -<>- + | /\\ | || -----| |/\ / \ ------/ ^^ \ O O | || | | || | ------------- unknown I was in a church meeting where the topic was "Burial or Cremation?" was discussed. Two of the people got rather worked up. One said to the other, "If you have yourself cremated, all you will be doing is . . . making an ash of yourself!" The other replied, "Well, I'm told that petroleum comes from fossilized bones, so if you have yourself buried all you will be doing . . . is making a fuel of yourself!" -<>- A Russian scientist and a Czechoslovakian scientist had spent their lives studying the grizzly bear. Each year they petitioned their respective governments to allow them to go to Yellowstone to study the bears. Finally their request was granted, and they immediately flew to NY and on West to Yellowstone.They reported to the ranger station and were told that it was the grizzly mating season and it was too dangerous to go out and study them. They pleaded that this was their only chance, and finally the ranger relented. The Russian and the Czech were given portable phones and told to report in every day. For several days they called in, and then nothing was heard from the two scientists.The rangers mounted a search party and found the camp completely ravaged, with no sign of the missing men. They followed the trail of a male and a female bear. They found the female and decided they must kill the animal to find out if she had eaten the scientists because they feared an international incident. They killed the female animal and opened the stomach to find the remains of the Russian. One ranger turned to the other and said, "You know what this means, don't you?" The other ranger responded, "Of course: the Czech is in the male." -<>- ('( \ \ " Help !!! Alligators...." d@b | | @@@@' | ('( Y@P `--.. \ `--' .' `. `---....__/ | / . \ /^^^^\ / .'\ \ /^^\________/0 \ \ \ \ \ ( `~+++,,_____ -unknown- \ \ \__\ ...V^V^V^V^V^V^\................... _`--` `--' Allen Mullen `---' The Florida Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers, hunters, fishers and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for alligators while In Seminole, Osceola, Polk, Brevard and Orange counties. They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their shoes or clothing to alert but not startle the alligators. They also advise the carrying of pepper spray in case of an encounter with an alligator. It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity. People should learn to recognize the difference between small young alligator and large adult alligator droppings. Young alligator droppings are smaller and contain fish bones and possibly bird feathers. Adult alligator droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper spray. -<>- This preacher was looking for a good used lawn mower one day. He found one at a yard sale that Little Johnny happened to be manning. "This mower work, son?" the preacher asked. Little Johnny said, "Sure does -- just pull on the cord hard, though." The preacher took the mower home and when he got ready to mow he yanked and pulled and tugged on that cord. Nothing worked. It wouldn't start. Thinking he'd been swindled, he took the mower back to Little Johnny's house. "You said this would work if I pulled on the cord hard enough." "Well," Johnny said, "you need to cuss at it sometimes." The preacher was aghast. "I've not done that in years!" "Just keep yanking on that cord, Preacher. It'll come back to you." -<>- . . \'.____.'/ __'-. .-'__ .--. '_i:'oo':i_'---...____...----i"""-.-'.-"\\ /._ _.\ : / '._ ;/ ;'-._ ( o o ) '-.__.' '. '. '-." '-.__.-' _.--. '-.: : '-' / ; _..--, / ; : '-._.-' ; ; : : : ` .' '-._.' : / \ : / ____....--\ : '._\ :""""" '. !. : : |: : 'www'| \ '| | || | : | | : | || | .' ! | | .' !| | /__I | | /__I.' ! .' ! /__I /__I fsc Black Cow Riddle A black cow was standing in the middle of the road. A man was cruising around a corner with no headlights on, no dome light, no lights on at all. He slams on the brakes at just the right time to miss the cow. How did the guy see the cow? . . . . . . . . . . . . It was daytime, silly! -<>- A Taxing Problem The owner of a small New York sandwich deli was being questioned by an IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year. "Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?" "It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these travel deductions. You listed six trips to Florida for you and your wife." "Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "It is a legitimate business expense because we also deliver." -<>- __________ ,. ,. ,','.___.,',`. `.\ /,' ___________ / /.____./ / \ \ \\ // ,''..-------..``. : : : : : : \// :`-..._____...-': [ |.____.| ] | ] //\ |`-..._____...-'| | | | | | | // \\ | | | | [ |.____.| ] | ] // \\ |] | | [| | | | | | | // \\ | [] [] | : :.____.: : ; ; // \\ | | ___ | | \ \.____.\ \ / / // \\ :`-.:._]|[_.:.-'; `.`.____.`.`,' SSt `' SSt `' `-...|SSt|...-' >Silent Drums An anthropologist was assigned to Borneo, where he found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site he where he would make his collections. At noon on the second day of travel up the river they began to hear drums. "What are those drums?" asked the anthropologist, knowing he was in cannibal country. The guide turned to him and said "No worry. Drums OK, but very bad when they stop." They both went ghostly pale when the drums suddenly stopped. The guide crouched in the belly of the canoe and covered his ears. "Do as I do! Very important!", intoned the guide with great urgency. "Why? What does this mean?" asked the panicked anthropologist. "Drums stop! Next come guitar solo!" -<>- __ __ ,-' `' \ _---``-- / _ _ ; __ `. / / `' \; /`----- ) / .-/ ,( ), \-. ; | \( \ / )/; | - _5 `7 -; / ( ___-' `-____ | ( ___`-_ \ ____| \ / `,/ \ _(\__ / \ \ ; \ .' /' `i. / | | \ _-'( _\__-/ `- | | ` ,` `_ | BP >Looking For A Friend Today I'm looking for a friend today, A friend who'll never stay away. I want one friend, or maybe two, But I want a friend who's just like you. I'm looking for a friend, you see, A friend who needs someone like me. I want a friend, I really do, But I want a friend who's just like you. I'm looking for a friend sincere, A friend who'll always bring good cheer. I want a friend who wants me too, But I want a friend who's just like you. I'm looking for a friend who's good, Who'll do the things a kind friend should. I want a friend who's happy too, But I want a friend who's just like you. I'm looking for a loving friend, Who will not let our friendship end. I want a friend who's always true, I think I've found my friend ... It's You. ~Author Unknown~ ============================================================ >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Egg Stacking Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eggart.html Who Is WE? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoiswe.html Picture This! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/picturethis.html Real Weed Bust http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/weedbust.html Chalk Art 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart4.html Rock Balancing Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rockbalancingart.html Animal Moms http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalmoms.html Chinese Wal-Mart http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chinawalmart.html Guoliang Tunnel Road http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tunnel.html Orang-Utan Hospital http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/orang.html -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE: Start using the sign! This is pretty neat.....(30 second video) ... Have you ever seen one of our military walking past you and wanted to convey to them your thanks, but weren't sure how or it felt awkward? Recently, a gentleman from Seattle created a gesture which could be used and has started a movement to get the word out. Please everybody take just a moment to watch.... The Gratitude Campaign; ...and then forward it to your friends! THEN START USING THE SIGN. Pat sent us a link to a video we have here... Proud Of Our Troops http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops.html --- ...Sweet Reminder! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Baby Boomer Women http://www.boomergirl.com/ Olympic http://www.buffaloschips.com/es3.htm Perception http://www.buffaloschips.com/lkj89.htm Person Of The Week http://www.buffaloschips.com/ksdaa.htm Puppy VS Mirror http://www.buffaloschips.com/sjdskjd.htm Recession USA http://www.buffaloschips.com/sdklslkw.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "I asked this one girl out and she said, 'You got a friend?' I said yes, she said, 'Then go out with him'" --Dom Irrera "When I'm driving here I see a sign that says, CAUTION: SMALL CHILDREN PLAYING. I slow down, and then it occurs to me, I'm not afraid of small children." --Jonathan Katz "If the English language made any sense, lackadaisical would have something to do with a shortage of flowers." --Doug Larson "No man is an island, but some of us are pretty long penin- sulas." --Ashleigh Brilliant "In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker." --Woody Allen "I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder, but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder." --Craig Charles "You need to have a stupid girlfriend so that on a bad day you can call her. 'Tanya, I'm having a bad day, tell me something stupid you've done. You caught on fire, and you tried to put it out with alcohol?'" --Ellen Cleghorne "Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close!" --Homer Simpson, The Simpsons "According to 'Mondern Bride' magazine, the average bride spends 150 hours planning her wedding. The average groom spends 150 hours going, 'Yeah, sounds good.'" --Jay Leno "I spent a couple of days in a very, very cold pond with Hugh Grant, which socially was pleasant enough but has left me a little worse for wear." --Colin Firth lost his voice after a filming a soggy fight scenewith his male co-star for the BRIDGET JONES'S DIARY sequel. Recently we called a business phone number and heard the following: If you are calling from a touch-tone phone, press one now. If you are calling from a rotary phone, hang up and call back from a touch-tone phone. >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chhristian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DDARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************