We Are In Trouble... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ ()_()()_() / ..)(.. \ __/ ( || ) \_ (_/ * * (_) | | | || | | | \_/| \__/ | | > \ / <__,--,__|/|_> unknown *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2010 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2010 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) _______________________ |\_____________________/| || || || _ _ || || / ) / ) __ |_| || || / -|- / -- | || || `== `== ' || || _____ || ||______________#####__|| jgs |/_____________________\| For all you starting kindergarten this year, make sure you know your shapes! Don't forget the rhombus. You will be quizzed on this! Wowsers I had to look it up yet my little grandson is supposed to know this one. He got a bad mark for not knowing it. Hard for a kid to know what adults around him don't! Go figure! Back to kindergarten for me! -<>- >HOT Off The 'Shangy" Press: This one is SMOKIN'! I got this forward from two of our friends. First from Sandi and then from Viv. One of those I knew I would do but it kept going on the back burner. But with Viv sending it along too, it became a heads up from Father - twice it is established - so I got to work on it. While working on it, our friend Jewelle sent us a forward that I loved too so I added it to this one for one big super duper fun page. Check it out here: |\ \`-. _.._| \ |_,' __`. \ (.\ _/.| _ | ,' __ \ | ,' __/||\ | (Y8P ,/|||||/ | `-'_---- / /`-._.-'/ `-.__.-' jg Why Dogs Bite People http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogsbite.html --- ...Very funny! Loved It! Thank You Ladies! -<>- Our Friend Viv sent us a forward that got me thinking. I find it amazing how one old painting can spark such inspiration all around the world. It intrigues me so I decided to do this up showing off various artist's animations I knew were out there. It turned out to be not only interesting but a little humorous too. Check it out here... |\ ___ | ) / '-. ||.+ L (__ \ || '-.\ ___)a \__ \ || `-. /.__ J__//--. |J `-. |_ '-._ \ _.------. | L ` L__. _/`----.____ / b a (__c> |J \ __,-_____ __._>\__/ ( c " h\ L L \ ./--+///___)_.--' /\ -. \ d e f g / J J | \\__// `--(_.( `--.....-' | \ J )_ _,- \__ \ `--' L | L ` )-)_/ \_._..--''-..) J | | \ [_._._,.. _] | | | ,,' _/ ( __ | _ | J ,' \ _________ / \ \ | _______a:f____ | J_.L_.' \ / _\_/\ ( L | \ / _| / \_ F J J ( (_ L `-. / L \ \__. `. \__ \ / J ^ \ ) \____ \ / L .---.-)_ _/ ) \ /_ | ( `-' \__/. L__\_\ | `-.__.--.___) --- / (_/ J |_ ( .-' --- `---' There's Something About Mona! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monalisa.html --- ...A Very fun one! Thank you Viv! I thought it was strange that we have this new page and then just yesterday Fox had a news item on their front page about The Mona Lisa mystery. The Italian government is thinking of exhuming Leonardo da Vinci to reconstruct his face to see if the Mona Lisa is a self portrait of himself. Odd goings on! I love how God keeps me on the ball with sweet forwards from all our great caring and sharing friends! Thank You!! -<>- >-->From Emergency Email: New FDA Salmonella Warning 1.2 Million pounds of Italian sausage products including salami/salame from Daniele International Company's products sold in Walmart, Costco and other retail outlets Cases in 38 states. http://www.emergencyemail.org/newsemergency/anmviewer.asp?a=465&z=43 ============================================================= >-->From The FunnyBone: _____ ,-:` \;',`'-, .'-;_,; ':-;_,'. God's Survey /; '/ , _`.-\ | '`. (` /` ` \`| |:. `\`-. \_ / | After having been commissioned by God | ( `, .`\ ;'| to take a survey of how man was doing \ | .' `-'/ on Earth, St. Peter now stood before `. ;/ .' his boss ready to present his findings. jgs `'-._____.-'` "Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?" God asked. "I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a sinful manner. There's drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it's a regular Sodom and Gomorrah. But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex. According to my survey, 88% of the population is doing it. Even four out of five dentists recommend it. I'm afraid it has reached epidemic proportions." "Hmmm," God said thoughtfully, "Do you have any recommendations as to what should be done to put an end to this sexual perversion?" "I think we should send a message to everyone on Earth who engages in oral sex. The contents of that message should tell them exactly what will happen to them on judgement day if they do not stop this type of activity." replied St.Peter. "That is an effective solution," God stated, "but I think that instead of punishing those who practice oral sex, we should reward those who refrain from it. Let's send a letter that's personally signed by me to each one of these good people." And so they did. Do you know what the letter said? (\ (scroll down) \\ \\ \\ <*****> \\ .=^=. .""". .=^=. \\ //```\\(/a a\)//```\\ \\{{ ( L ) }} \\{ _ __ \ = / }} \\/@.---,/'-'\,---. }} /(&\ |`-._/\_.-'| \ }} (@ \&\| || |\ \}} {{ \ |___o()o___| > )} {{ `|__((<>))__|` .'}} {{ \ o\/o /`` }} {{ ,'\ || /\', }} {{.' \ || / | '.}} /'.||.' / / // / ( /( / jgs / / \ \ / / \ \ ___/ _/ __\ _\ (______) (______) Hmmmmm...You didn't get the letter either, huh? ========================================================= +------------------ Bizarre Video Clip -------------------+ Mystery Halo Appears In Russian Sky In a bizarre scene caught on video, Russian motorists taped this strange halo-like image in a dark sky. Strange meteorological event or UFO? You decide. Click & View: http://www.evtv1.com/player.aspx?itemnum=15446 ======================================================== >-->From Our Friend Denise :) ################################################################ # , , # # "Hi,I am Mike. _|\_ /| # # We Scare Because /___ "\----' | # # We Care" /=====\ \ `-. # # \ // .--. \| | \ # # /( [@@] ) / \ # # , | \ '--' / / \------- # # |\_ | \___.-' \----- \ # # __,--'' \. /| _____..----) ) | \ \ # # "----____: \. / | (' / | | \ \ # # `. \/ /\ \._ _./ / | \ \ # # \_./ \ '==== / / \ \ # # \ --- --' / \ `. # # \. _,-; /,--.\ # # \___________/\/ / " " # # \/ /_ # # /`/ | # # _____ _ +"""". / /| / # # |_ _| |__ ___ \ \./ / | / # # | | | '_ \ / _ \ `\ . | / +" S@yaN # # | | | | | | __/ \ |/ # # |_| |_| |_|\___| (_) # # __ __ _ ___ # # | \/ | ___ _ __ ___| |_ ___ _ __ ___ |_ _|_ __ ___ # # | |\/| |/ _ \| '_ \/ __| __/ _ \ '__/ __| | || '_ \ / __| # # | | | | (_) | | | \__ \ || __/ | \__ \_ | || | | | (__ # # |_| |_|\___/|_| |_|___/\__\___|_| |___( ) |___|_| |_|\___( # # |/ # # # # 16.08.02 # ################################################################ Check out some of these new movies coming soon - (a few are already out..) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sq3TKnmDaA&feature=email -<>- A beautiful worship song and performance by Darlene Zscech (pronounced like "check") and their band... __ /_/\/\ \_\ / /_/ \ \_\/\ \ \_\/ unknown "Here I am to Worship" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eiy3_KRKNaQ&feature=player_embedded --- ...Sweet! Thanks Denise! ============================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: My husband, Mike, and I had several stressful months of financial difficulties. So one evening I was touched to see him gazing at the diamond wedding ring that symbolized our marriage. "With this ring..." I began romantically. "We could pay off Visa," he responded. -<>- \\ \\ \\ /`}_ ___ '-Z\'-._ .;'-,) \\_. ', .- As a new grandmother, I am very protective of my daughter Meredith's baby girl. One cool afternoon I dropped by to see my grandchild. Meredith and a friend had taken little Allison for a walk in her stroller and were just coming up the street. As soon as they reached me, I bent down to admire Allison and, in my fussiest voice, remarked, "Your little head is cold. You should have a hat on." My daughter looked knowingly at her friend and said, "You owe me ten bucks." [Thanks to Reader's Digest.] -<>- [This one absolutely slays me.] The world's largest retail chain is teaming up with E&J Gallo Winery of Modesto, CA. to produce the spirits at an affordable price; in the $6-8 range. While wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to throw a bottle of Wal-Mart brand wine into their shopping carts, there is a market for cheap wine, said Kathy Micken, professor of marketing at Roger Williams University in Bristol, RI, "There is wine in a box that people are willing to buy," she said. "The right name is important" Suggested names for Wal-Mart Wine: Peanut Noir Big Red Gulp Stagger Home Box O' Grapes NASCARbernet Nasti Spumante White Trashfindel Chef Boyardeaux Chateau des Moines Grape Expectations Chateau Traileur Doublewide Martha Stewart's Sour Grapes I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar! World Championship Wriesling Domaine Wal-Mart "Merde du Pays" -<>- At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?" -<>- _ , L\ \/OO\ |/ \ /_\ ` _\ |_ Arjen Pilon "Do you remember that terribly pushy woman with the attitude problem who lived in the apartment above us?" "Yes, what about her?" "She's marrying a doctor she met when she went in for X-rays." "Really...I wonder what he saw in her?" -<>- ________ /________\ //( ( ( ( \\ || ((|| ||) ) ` ) )|| || (\___( ( || \|) ) \)_|/ / ((\_v_/ \ / /) x \ \ | | x | | | \ x / | | | x | | | |\ x /| | | |/\ x /\| | | | \x/ | | | | V | | /____\ /____\ | | | | / \ / \ | | | | `~~| |~~' |\ /| | \ / | |___V___| | / \ | | / \ | |/ \| / \ / \ ______/ \_______ ============================ Alyssa A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die. Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores or discuss your problems with him - it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most impor- tantly, you have to increase your frequency of intimacy. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" "He said you're going to die," she replied. -<>- I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 12-month-old nephew. I said, "What do I do if he cries?" She said, "Give him some vegetables." It turns out that jalapenos are not his favorite. -<>- First pilot, "I heard you got a new position with Earhart Air. Don't they have kind of a lousy safety record?" "I'll say," answered the second pilot. "Last week two of their flight simulators collided." -<>- Each Friday night I drove my wife to the train station so she could go visit her sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, MY sister arrived by train so that she could help with the house and kids over the weekend while my wife was gone. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train 10 minutes before my wife arrived. One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over. "Mister," he said, "you sure have some system going! But one of these days you're goin' to get caught!" -<>- `-.\ __.._\|--. .'_o `=\.' |F-' o ) \ `;=/" ,; _| ." `-. .' `-._,/.`._ ) / 7`. `-..-' _/ ;-' . `-._ .' \ `-. ;-. `"-. / `-._ )|-.`--..___) ; .7`\ | : __ | .': ;' | .'_.`, ;`. | ; :/ |.:-' / ; `-.; | |`", `/ .-' ; /`; : \7.-' : ; `./ \ | ; ; : ; ; : | / fsc :/ ` Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse. Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied, "One hour and 45 minutes!" -<>- A man walks into a bar with a little salamander-looking creature in his hand. The barman looks at the creature and asks the man what he calls it. "His name is Tiny," replies the man. "Why do you call him that?" asks the bartender. "Because he's my newt!" ============================================================== >-->In The WorldlyNews: [POLITICS} >From Conservative Outpost **Karl Rove's 2010 Senate Predictions Map** Rove has created his latest projection map for the 2010 Senate races, and there's a whole lotta' red there. And, of course, keep in mind that Massachusetts was "solid blue" just two weeks ago. And University of Virginia political scientist Larry Sabato has a list of predictions as well, up on Rasmussen's site He's currently showing a 7 seat gain for the GOP, for what it's worth. Of course all this stuff can change in a heart beat one way or another, (as Scott Brown demonstrated). And the election is a full 9 months away...which is an eternity in politics. But given the current environment...and if the GOP puts up the right candidates which stick to a real conservative message, it should be a good November. Click here to check out the Senate race map... *** Obama is good for business Yes, you read that headline correctly. Of course, what KIND of business is another matter. In Obama's case, he's good for the lobbying business. 2009 reports from K Street (DC's lobbying district) show big gains, some on the order of 40% over 2008. Bottom line? When you work to have government take greater control of various aspects of business and our daily lives you increase the odds that citizens (whether on an individual or corporate basis) will fight back. And (at least until November) that involves lobbying. GOP Recruiting picks up speed What a difference one election makes. In the wake of this week's election in Massachusetts, the NRCC says their candidate recruitment has picked up considerably. And, as you can imagine, they're now having an easier time getting good potential challengers to take a serious look at challening some previously "un-challengable" Democrats, (you know, the Massachusetts variety). Obama to campaign for Reed You really have to love this. After going 0 for 3 in the past few months, (Virginia, New Jersey and Massachusetts), Obama is going to hit the campaign trail for Harry Reid (who is wayyyyyy down in the polls in Nevada right now). Given the fact that Nevada's not exactly a "blue" state, you've got to wonder why Reid would want him out there. I mean, it can't be a dire need for campaign cash I wouldn't think (given that cash should be not problem for a guy in his position). And all it will do is further serve to remind the voters of Nevada about all the things they've come to be upset with Reid over, (i.e., his pushto ram Obama's unpopular agenda through congress). When you look at what happened in Massachusettts on Tuesday, you really have to ask yourself how much good Obama will do for you in a red/purple state, if he can't get it done in the bluest of the blue states. Here's hoping The One keeps his streak intact. -<>- >From BizarreNews: There is parenting, and then there is Georgia parenting. Police have arrested a Georgia woman who they say forced her son to kill his pet hamster with a hammer as punishment for earning a bad grade. Meriwether County sheriff Steve Whitlock said that the 12-year-old boy told his teacher about the killing. The teacher reported it to the Division of Family and Child Services, who contacted police. The pet's death allegedly took place at the family's Warm Springs home. Whitlock said 38-year-old Lynn Middlebrooks Geter faces one charge each of animal cruelty, child cruelty and battery. There is no word on whether the 12-year-old's grades improved, however the family cat is nervously awaiting the results of the child's next math quiz. Bizarrely, Lewis -- DNA spells jail for sloppy burglar ----------- LONDON, Ontario - A Canadian man was sentenced to two years in prison for three home burglaries in London, Ontario, in which he left DNA behind each time. Kevin St. Germain, 43, was convicted of the 2006 and 2009 burglaries in which a total of $72,000 worth of loot was taken, the London Free Press reported Thursday. He was sentenced Wednesday after court heard an empty soda can with two straws in it was found at one break-in site, which yielded his DNA. At another site, an open bottle of peach juice had St. Germain's fingerprints on it, and at the third site, a cigarette butt that had his DNA on it, the report said. His fingerprints and DNA were on file based on burglary convictions in 2000, the newspaper said. None of the stolen items were recovered. -- $300 in fake pot stolen from smoke shop --------- FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. - Police in Arizona said someone broke into a smoke shop and stole nearly $300 worth of fake marijuana. Flagstaff police said someone broke the glass front door Monday evening at Kind Connection and made off with nearly $300 worth of "Spice" fake marijuana and a $200 incense vaporizer, The (Flagstaff) Arizona Daily Sun reported. Employees were alerted by an alarm and arrived to check on the store at about 9:45 p.m. Police said they collected possible suspect information from workers. ========================================================== >-->From Our Friend Viv :) George W. Bush didn't accomplish a lot, but he was nowhere as bad as Obama is! If George W. Bush had been the first President to need a teleprompter installed to be able to get through a press conference, would you have laughed and said this is more proof of how he inept he is on his own and is really controlled by smarter men behind the scenes? If George W. Bush had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to take Laura Bush to a play in NYC, would you have approved? If George W. Bush had reduced your retirement plan's holdings of GM stock by 90% and given the unions a majority stake in GM, would you have approved? If George W. Bush had made a joke at the expense of the Special Olympics, would you have approved? If George W. Bush had given Gordon Brown a set of inexpensive and incorrectly formatted DVDs, when Gordon Brown had given him a thoughtful and historically significant gift, would you have approved? If George W. Bush had given the Queen of England an iPod containing videos of his speeches, would you have thought this embarrassingly narcissistic and tacky? If George W. Bush had bowed to the King of Saudi Arabia, would you have approved? If George W. Bush had visited Austria and made reference to the non-existent "Austrian language," would you have brushed it off as a minor slip? If George W. Bush had filled his cabinet and circle of advisers with people who cannot seem to keep current in their income taxes, would you have approved? If George W. Bush had been so Spanish illiterate as to refer to "Cinco de Cuatro" in front of the Mexican ambassador when it was the 5th of May (Cinco de Mayo), and continued to flub it when he tried again, would you have winced in embarrassment? If George W. Bush had mis-spelled the word "advice" would you have hammered him for it for years like Dan Quayle and potatoe as proof of what a dunce he is? If George W. Bush had burned 9,000 gallons of jet fuel to go plant a single tree on Earth Day, would you have concluded he's a hypocrite? If George W. Bush's administration had okayed Air Force One flying low over millions of people followed by a jet fighter in downtown Manhattan causing widespread panic, would you have wondered whether they actually get what happened on 9-11? If George W. Bush had failed to send relief aid to flood victims throughout the Midwest with more people killed or made homeless than in New Orleans , would you want it made into a major ongoing political issue with claims of racism and incompetence? If George W. Bush had created the position 32 or more Czars who report directly to him, bypassing the House and Senate on much of what is happening in America, would you have approved. If George W. Bush had ordered the firing of the CEO of a major corporation, even though he had no constitutional authority to do so, would you have approved? If George W. Bush had proposed to double the national debt, which had taken more than two centuries to accumulate, in one year, would you have approved? If George W. Bush had then proposed to double the debt again within 10 years, would you have approved? If George W. Bush had spent more than all the Presidents combined since George Washington, would you have approved? So, tell me again, what is it about Obama that makes him so brilliant and impressive? Can't think of anything? Don't worry. He's done all this in 10 months -- so you'll have 3 years and 2 months to come up with an answer. LET'S SEE HOW MANY OF YOU FORWARD THIS... --- ...I'm not a George W. Bush lover - but yeah, I think ANYBODY would of been better then what we have now so - yeah, I'll forward it. Oh and yes - Please PRAY for our President and lawmakers! We need better from them! The sooner the better! -<>- ^ | | @#####@ (### ###)-. .(### ###) \ / (### ###) ) (=- .@#####@|_--" /\ \_|l|_/ (\ (=-\ |l| / \ \.___|l|___/ /\ |_| / (=-\._________/\ \ / \._________/ # ---- # # __ # \########/ unknown >INTERESTING!!!! Anti-Gun Senator Shoots Intruder http://www2.timesdispatch.com/rtd/news/national/article/74-year-old_n.c._state_senator_shoots_wounds_intruder_at_his_home/287987/P10/ Long time Anti-Gun Advocate State Senator R.C. Soles, 74, shot one of two intruders at his home just outside Tabor City, N.C. about 5 p.m. Sunday, the prosecutor for the politician's home county said. The victim, Kyle Blackburn, was taken to a South Carolina hospital, but the injuries were not reported to be life-threatening, according to Rex Gore, district attorney for Columbus, Bladen andBrunswick counties.. The State Bureau of Investigation and Columbus County Sheriff's Department are investigating the shooting, Gore said. Soles, who was not arrested, declined to discuss the incident Sunday evening. "I am not in a position to talk to you," Soles said by telephone. "I'm right in the middle of an investigation." Soles, a top-ranking Democrat and the longest-serving member of the legislature, already was the subject of an SBI investigation over sexual misconduct allegations with former male clients. (FHW - Now, that sounds more like a liberal to me). The Senator, who has made a career of being against gun ownership for the general public, didn't hesitate to defend himself with his own gun when he believed he was in immediate danger and he was the victim. In typical hypocritical liberal fashion, the "Do As I Say And Not As I Do" Anti-Gun Activist Lawmaker picked up his gun and took action in what apparently was a self-defense shooting. Why hypocritical you may ask? It is because his long legislative record shows that the actions that he took to protect his family, his own response to a dangerous life threatening situation, are actions that he feels ordinary citizens should not have if they were faced with an identical situation. It has prompted some to ask if the Senator believes his life and personal safety is more valuable than yours or mine. But, this is to be expected from those who believe they can run our lives, raise our kids, and protect our families better than we can. Jerry L. Adelman KF5DDV 361.920.8936 --- ...Ahh, yes, very interesting! Thanks Viv! =================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) / _, ,_ M\M"_,, `"MMMMMm._ `/MMMMMMP^^", MPTMMM`M `-. .'" MMMm "=, `.`"-. .' / S _"^M :Ww. \ `-. .-' .: ".wW\.; :WP^; `-. `-. .-' .-'/ \ :^WP: ; `--' ;\ `-. `. .-' .-' / /; `..' ; \`. `-. \ / .-' .' / ; .-";`"""--5..`-. `-.\ / .' .-' / | .' ; r`) `-. \\ ; / .-' .-' ;_/ ; _ ; `. \; |' .' .' ( _ _ : `-' :\ `./ `-' / .-r-.`Y `-' : / ; ; .-7" `.`7. | .' | : ' ; ; `--..__.'-""/ ;\ \ ,| | | ..--",-' : ; _ _.7`,_J- ; : ;, _,': /; ; _ .' `--.`-.`-'_.-| `. |/ : .'/ : ; | |`". _.-".+. :`"-. `--`"" ,_: `'7 /.-. ; | / | : 7",' ." | : \ : `-. / ;' / | | `--\ /4 ' / .' ; `. ; \ :`"\ .< ; : _.7 ' `. / /.' \ `.___.-"> ;_/ :---"\ `. ' `.-.. `"--' / fsc `.___..--"/ _mMMMm,.' `-.`-.._ ) `"--. .' `---'"mMMMMMMMMm,_ `-----' `"" `" "^`^MMMP^^mm, >We are in trouble... The population of this country is 300 million. 160 million are retired. That leaves 140 million to do the work. There are 85 million in school. Which leaves 55 million to do the work. Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government. Leaving 20 million to do the work. 2.8 million are in the armed forces preoccupied with killing Osama Bin-Laden. Which leaves 17.2 million to do the work. Take from that total the 15.8 million people who work for state and city Governments. And that leaves 1.4 million to do the work. At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals. Leaving 1,212,000 to do the work. Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work. You and me. And there you are, Sitting on your butt, At your computer, reading jokes.. Nice. Real nice. --- ...TeeHee! What can I say - born to be me! Thanks Sandi! ========================================================== .---. /_____\__ .===. _ _ `\/6.6\/--` / _/\ \ / )%.===.%( \ ( _ ) \/6.6\/ | // ,,, \\ | ,'---', ( _ ) \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===. / _ \ _)---(_ /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \ /\/ (_) \/\ / `~` \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ ) \ | (_) | / /\/ \/\ / /o o\ \ )( _ )( \| |/ \ | | / (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_) |_____| \|_____|/ (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \ | | | | L | / / \ \ ( (_.@._) ) | | | |__|__| / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\ \__|__/ | | | /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\ |_|_| |_|_| `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"` jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) >-->MURPHY'S LAWS FOR PARENTS MURPHY'S LAWS FOR PARENTS ---------------------------------- 1. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week. 2. Leak proof thermoses--will. 3. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet. 4. The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends. 5. The shirt your child must wear today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended. 6. Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing. 7. The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look. [By definition] 8. Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the treatment room. 9. Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator. 10. Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers. ============================================================ >-->From JokeCentral: .-._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ .-''-.__.-'00 '-' ' ' ' ' ' ' ' '-. '.___ ' . .--_'-' '-' '-' _'-' '._ V: V 'vv-' '_ '. .' _..' '.'. '=.____.=_.--' :_.__.__:_ '. : : (((____.-' '-. / : : snd (((-'\ .' / _____..' .' '-._____.-' A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. "Is it true," he asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?" "That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight." -<>- An atheist was taking a walk through the woods, admiring all that the "accident of evolution" had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he walked alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look and saw a 7-foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He ran even faster, so scared that tears were coming to his eyes. He looked over his shoulder again and the bear was even closer. His heart was pumping frantically and he tried to run faster still. He tripped and fell to the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up, but saw the bear... right on top of him... reaching for him with the left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the atheist cried out "Oh my God!...." Suddenly, time stopped. The bear froze in motion. The forest was ever so silent. Even the river ceased to move. As a brilliant ray of light emerged from the sky and shone upon the man, a powerful voice spoke to him, "You have denied my existence for all of these years; you teach others that I do not exist and you credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you now as a believer?" The atheist blinked directly into the light. "It would be hypocritical of me to convert to a Christian after all these years, but could you instead make the bear a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice from above. The bright light disappeared. All of a sudden, life resumed around the man. The river ran again. The forest became alive once more with the gentle sounds of nature. ( )___( ) /__oo \ ( \/ ) | `=/ | / \ / / \ \ / ( \ \ ( ,_/_ \ \ \_ '= \ ) ""' / / ; / /'? : (((( / ctr `._ \ _ ( __| | /_ ("__,.."'_._.) The bear stirred. Slowly, he lowered his right paw, brought both paws together, bowed his head and graciously spoke: "Lord, for this food which I am about to receive, I am truly thankful." -<>- When my family and I lived in South America the grocery store was quite different. They sold things like cow tongue and kidneys. One night, my dad took us to the grocery store and sent us each to get a different item. My dad went to the back with my 6 year-old sister and on their way they past the meat section and my dad pointed out some of these odd cuts of meat. He specifically pointed out the kidneys. Then they left and went to get whatever item was there's to get. We all met at the checkout line and while my dad purchased the items my sister ran to my brother and me and said with wide eyes "Jessie! They sell kids knees back there!" -<>- _______________________________________________________ | | / | | /---, | | -----# ==| | | | :) # ==| | | -----'----# | |______________________________________________________| |)___() '# |______====____ \___________________________________| [_/,-,\"--"------ //,-, ,-,\\\ |/ //,-, ,-, ,-,\\ __# ( 0 )|===******||( 0 )( 0 )||- o '( 0 )( 0 )( 0 )|| ----'-'--------------'-'--'-'------------------------'-'--'-'--'-'---------- unknown >The truck and the toll booth When the driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, he plowed into an empty toll booth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes; a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers. The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new. "Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?" The crew chief said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste." -<>- >Phobia Trivia... Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words. (And may I add, an oxymoron? - J.R.) Clinophobia is the fear of beds. Paedophobia is a fear of children. Automatonophobia is a fear of ventriloquist's dummies, animatronic creatures, wax statues or anything that falsly represents a sentient being. In Victorian times, there was an intense fear of being buried alive, so when someone died, a small hole was dug from the casket to the surface, then a string was tied around the dead persons finger which was then attached to a small but loud bell that was hung on the surface of the grave, so then if someone was buried alive, they could ring the bell and whomever was on duty would go and dig them up. Someone was on the clock 24 hours a day- hence the grave yard shift. Hypnophobia is a morbid fear of sleep and falling asleep. Lyssophobia is a morbid fear of insanity. Phobatrivaphobia is a fear of trivia about phobias Janet Leigh, the actress, has a fear of showers. This is the result of appearing in the film, 'Psycho', in which her character met a violent death in the shower. Dromophobia is a fear of crossing the road Unatractiphobia is a fear of ugly people. Arachibutyrophobia is a fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth. Elizabeth I of England suffered from anthophobia, a fear of roses. Mondaphobia is the fear that the weekend will be too short and Monday's coming real fast!!! Enjoy the weekend! -<>- \\\\, / \\ '<' ) \- / _)_(_ .'\___/'. /.-.___.-.\ [_________] | | ( | , | (\/) ) _\)_ | -|- | <_@__> _(/_ || | | | (/\)(\/) || || | | (\/) <_@_> || || | | <_@_>'(/\) || || | | (/\|/|-. || || .---------. _|_|_ || ||_,-'---------'-,__ |WWWWW| ___jgs|_|____________________|_\_____/__ Sermon Fodder's Ultimate Pulpit Bloopers PART V Joyfully what? When comparing stories of nervously performing our first weddings my pastoral colleague reported that he had solemnly inquired of the assembled guests, if any knew of any reason "...why this couple could not be joyfully loined together," asking them to speak now, or forever hold their peace! There were no objections. --Rod Koopmans Called Who? In a sermon I was talking about having "vision" and how things can cloud or prevent having right vision. I was trying to use an illustration about physical eyesight and how a person can have an astigmatism. I told the congregation that in order to explain clearly what this was, I called an obstetrician to find out. Actually, I had called an optometrist, but no one believed me when I tried to correct the error. ---Roger Goff Getting the Call... Recently a gentlemen in our church voiced his opinion in our monthly newsletter that cell phones, pagers, palm pilots, and other technical instruments were distracting to him during our time of worship. He stated that when we come to worship, we should be there to worship our Lord, not be distracted by other things that can wait. Our pastor got up to preach after the offering. He was well into his sermon when a cell phone started to ring. He kept right on preaching, never missing a beat. Finally after the phone had rung about 6 times, the pastor paused thoughtfully, reached into his coat pocket, retrieved the offending cell phone and said, "Excuse me, let me turn that off. I thought it would quit, but it's distracting me. How about you?" -- Emily Florence Davi, Royersford, PA Where do babies come from? Within a year, our Young Couples Department had grown from one class of eight active couples to four classes with 56 active couples! On Baby Dedication Sunday that year, we had 19 babies! Our Pastor was so excited. He stood in the pulpit that Sunday with 19 babies and their parents facing him. He wanted to brag on these couples and the great job that they had done growing this Young Couples Department. However, he's what he actually said... "Just look at ALL these babies! JUST LOOK at all these babies. Folks, this just goes to show what our young couples have been doing!!!" The laughter started and continued for several minutes. Every time the Pastor tried to say something, the laughter would begin again. Finally, the red-faced pastor added, "For which we are grateful." --David Langerfeld Blooper Ball Blooper When I was in high school, our church youth group participated in a Blooper Ball league (really!). For the uninitiated, blooper ball is similar to softball, only a much larger ball is used, and the pitcher is a member of your own team. Each batter has only one pitch, and every other batter must be a girl. One evening, we all sat down for the opening prayer, which was the usual procedure. The person leading in the prayer did a very good job, until he said, "And God, please bless our blooper season and keep us safe" . . . I don't think there was anyone there who wasn't giggling by that time, except maybe the man who led in the prayer! --- Debby Perry Holy What? The best pulpit blooper came from one of our youthful preachers. He wanted to say the "Holy Eucharist," only it came out..."Holy Uterus." He never knew. ---Suzy Say What? When the preaching evangelist Reggie Thomas was traveling in southern India he learned the little word 'Po'. It meant 'Go' and you constantly yelled it at your taxi driver to prevent him from dilly-dallying to increase your fare. Upon arriving in northern India, his party toured the Taj Mahal in which the main room has the capacity to echo a shouted word for one full minute. Reggie tried out his new word 'Po' and yelled it 3 times in a row creating a 3 minute long echo. He noticed that with each time he yelled it some people left the room until at the close of the echo concert, he stood nearly alone in the room. It turned out that in northern India the word 'Po' meant restroom. Firey What? My grandfather was a minister. One Sunday morning he was preaching on the wiles of the devil. In an unexpected spoonerism moment he said " We have to watch out for the direy farts of the devil," and went right on preaching. He noticed the congregation was in stitches, He couldn't figure out why, so he just kept on preaching. He had a good laugh after service when my grandmother told him what he actually said. Nourishing Offering My brother was at a Conference one time and of course they had all the pastors sit on the platform. Since he was also a District Superintendent, they asked him to say the prayer for the offering. Being sometimes absent minded even at a young age, he stood up and said... "Heavenly Father, Bless this food to the nourishment of our bodies, in Jesus name, Amen" Of course everyone looked at him funny but they proceeded to take up the offering. It was apparently a nourishing offering. Introductions The leader of our gospel group was often annoyed at music ministers taking a lot of time out of the music time to introduce us individually. We always performed under our group name, and since we were all committed to glorifying God and not ourselves, we almost never introduced ourselves by anything other than our group name. When we talked about each other on stage we always referred to each other by our first names only. One day, our group leader was frustrated by a music minister who insisted on a lengthy introduction that cut into our performance time. After we sang about three songs, the music minister stood and interrupted us again saying, "George, maybe you'd like to introduce the members of your group." George smiled politely and quickly responded, "That's not necessary, the members of our group already know each other," and proceeded right into the next song. I've always thought it was a divinely inspired moment. Absent Minded Pastor We had a pastor who used to say stuff like, "When my wife found out about it, she really hit the fan." No one in the church ever said anything, but I often wondered how his wife liked being compared to what normally hits the fan when things go wrong. - Pat McHugh The Sermon Fodder Ultimate Pulpit Bloopers List is compiled by and copyright 2002 by the Sermon Fodder list (www.sermonfodder.com) To subscribe drop a note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please leave this attached if you forward this to friends. Please send contributions to ktodd@vci.net with "contribution" in the subject line. =============================================================== >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) Typewriter Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/typeart.html Amazing Gibraltar Airport http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/airroad.htm Does God Choose His Children? http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/choosehischildren.html Quit Smoking! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/quitsmoking.html Boeing 787 Suite http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/b787.html Beaches In India http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beaches.html Freedom Isn't Free http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedom.htm DC Tea Party http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teaparty.html Liberty Air Show http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liberty.html Amazing Albino Animals http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/albino.html Great White Shark! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwhite.html -<>- >Please Visit These To Help Shangrala Get New Traffic :) Lion Eat Lion http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=41380&s=n Why Dogs Are Man's Best Friend http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=40654&s=n A Blonde Walks http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=5098&s=n World's Oldest Cat http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=34657&s=n Top 4 Funniest Animal Pranks http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=40849&s=n Jumping Penguin http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=34663&s=n A Beautiuful Woman http://www.funpageexchange.com/out.php?u=3559&pid=5271&s=n -<>- >-->From Our Friend Wesley :) Site for Music Streaming & Downloads http://www.lala.com/ Online Mp3 Finder http://www.boostermp3.com/ Free Download WinX DVD Ripper - Be Careful ! http://tinyurl.com/nczrt6 Custom Bobblehead Dolls made from your Photo http://tinyurl.com/ybzl3wa --- ...Great Fun Ones! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn Links: Melva/Reflecting~I Was Lost http://silverandgoldandthee.net/Insp/Lost.html Marlene/Jesus is the One/ http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML9/Jesus-Is-The-One.html Macgyver - How To Do It #2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver2.html MatchStick Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/matchstick.html Three Old Men http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/oldmen.html Chinook Water http://www.buffaloschips.com/1251.htm Circus Monte Carlo http://www.buffaloschips.com/12.htm An Unusual Gun http://www.buffaloschips.com/11.htm Coming Home http://www.buffaloschips.com/123.htm Say What?? http://www.buffaloschips.com/tfgshs.htm The First Lincoln Log http://www.buffaloschips.com/tfsgsh.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "I bet that Van Gogh guy cut off his ear by accident and made up that 'lost love' story so he wouldn't look stupid." --Andy Pierson "I took up meditation. I like to have an espresso first just to make it more challenging." -Betsy Salkind "I went to an authentic Mexican restaurant. The waiter poured the water and then warned me not to drink it." - Brad Garrett "When I first heard that Marge was joining the police academy, I thought it would be fun and zany, like that movie - Space- balls. But instead it was dark and disturbing. Like that movie - Police Academy." --Homer Simpson "Whenever my kids are having trouble at school, I like to tell them about myself when I was a kid. I wasn't very big, I wasn't the smartest, I wasn't the best in sports and, yes, I did get beat-up a lot. Unfortunately, that's where the story ends, so it doesn't usually cheer them up much." --Alf Whit "One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important." --Bertrand Russell "The one human quality that must be developed is self discipline for success. The will power to force yourself to do what you know you should do when you should do it, whether you like it or not, whether you feel like it or not. Success is tons of discipline." -Brian Tracy "At first I thought that my life was going around in circles. Then I realized it's actually a downward spiral." -Tom Ryan "What's going on Mr. Peterson?" "The question is what's going IN Mr. Peterson? A beer please, Woody." [Those geniuses at Cheers.] "Once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing, he comes next to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination." --Thomas De Quincey The road to success is always under construction. -- Unknown A man from Edinburgh wrote to an English editor, "If you don't stop printing those derogatory Scottish jokes, most of which imply we're cheap, I'm going to quit stealing your stupid magazine." "My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance." -Tim Allen "At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench press. What did he mean? "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought to reevaluate your exercise program." --Unknown >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! --------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS --------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************