We Got Clout & More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ====================== >If You Haven't Already, PLEASE Take A Moment to... _,-'^\ _,-' ,\ ) ,,-' ,' d' ,,, J_ \ ,' `\ / __ ,-' \ \ ,' / / _,-' ' \ \ / |,-' / } ( ,' / '-,________ / \ / | | / | / | / /~\ (\/) { / \ } | | | =| / | ~\ | J \, (_o '" Sign My Guestbook! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html *~* Lots Of Thanks And Bear {{{Hugs}}} God Bless Those Of You Who Have Already Signed it!! -<>- >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) I've been pretty busy. I updated the FUN URLS page here... FUN URLS http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/urls.html AND added a bunch more animated images to the Gallery here: Animated Gallery http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html -<>- >HOT Off The Shangy Press... When I first saw this forward from our friend PatH, I thought it was probably a hoax. I thought that because it was so darn cute, it didn't seem like it could be real! So I went searching to find out the truth of the matter. It turned out to be totally true, so of course, I just had to do up a quick page on it! \ ) ) ( \ / ~V~ \ / ~V~ ~V~ ) ~V~ ) ) >-~-< ) >-~-< >-~-< \ /~ >-~-< \,,,,\,,,,,,,,,\, /~,,,,,,,,,,,,,/,,,/~,,,,,,, unknown Bucky And The Beagle http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/visitor.html --- ...Thank You so much PatH - This one is darling! -<>- >This next one comes from a forward from our good friend KayS. We all pretty much know that in China, they will eat practically any thing that moves! Well, as long as they can deep fry it, it seems to be fair game. But Paul and I were rather shocked to see the line-up, so to speak, for the food being served at the Olympics. Of course, I just had to do up a page on it! .,::OOO::,. .,ooOOOoo,. .,::OOO::,. .:' `:. .8' `8. .:' `:. :" ": 8" "8 :" ": :, .,:::""::,. .,:o8OO::,. ,: :,, .:' ,: 8oo`:. .:'oo8 :,,`:. ,,: `^OOoo:"O^' `^88oo:"8^' `^O":ooOO^' :, ,: :, ,: :,, ,,: :,, ,,: `^Oo,,,oO^' `^OOoooOO^' -beethoven Chinese Olympic Cuisine http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/olympic.html --- ...This was great KayS! Thank You. This morning I was thinking - Gee, all the dad would have to do is sit and send the kids out to gather lunch. With Mom getting the deep fryer nice and hot they'd be all set! "giggles" ... Arrrrrgh!! =============================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: Redneck 911 Emergency ___ /.-.\ || || Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. \'-'/ || || The 911 operator told Bubba that she would `// || || send someone out right away. // || || "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?" ================================================================ +----------------- Bizarre Advertisments ------------------+ [The following ads actually appeared in newspapers] ILLITERATE? Write today for free help. AUTO REPAIR SERVICE. Free pick up and delivery. Try us once, you will never go anywhere again. DOG FOR SALE: Eats anything and is fond of children. STOCK UP AND SAVE. Limit: one. SEMI ANNUAL AFTER XMAS SALE DINNER SPECIAL. Turkey $3.25; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00 FOR SALE: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. NOW IS YOUR CHANCE to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. GREAT DAMES for sale. TIRED OF CLEANING YOURSELF? Let me do it. ================================================================ >-->From Our Friend Jo Ann :) >Wishing You a Day Tht Sparkles Just Like You! .-. _ .--""" / { `.__ ( ( _ .e"8a-. J ' \ `.._, \ /_`\/8P '.--\/8P-' ) .-. \ e8a `.`. `" / o o`._..--' (;88`-.. \ ""`. `--.>#--.._/ `.-. `8_ 8P`. :_e8P .a. _.' |`\_, \ /-. `.` ,8 ^P" e8P 8a 2 '7.__7" \ \ `": `. ,8P _ /_\ ' / ;e8| 98P .-' `7 `--' |`8: .e8a._..e8" .' : : 88P" .8P`88,8P' / Y8/88 eP"| `YP" / `. `M " :-. .' : .'_ ; _.' \ \ '.' `/_.-e8`,.--. `-: : .'"" " 8P : `""`.e8a ; `"""--. / fsc `---' >Today I've shut the door on yesterday, It's sorrows and mistakes, I've locked within it's gloomy walls Past failures and heartaches. And now I throw the key away To seek another room, And furnish it with hope and smiles And every springtime bloom. No thought shall enter this abode That has a hint of pain, All worry, malice and distrust Shall never therein reign. I've shut the door on Yesterday And thrown the key away - The Future holds no doubt for me, Since I have found Today! May all your days be beautiful! --- ...How Sweet! Thank You Jo Ann! =============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ,_ | `""---..._____ '-...______ _````"""""""'`| \ ```` ``"---...__ | |` | ``! | | A | /\ /#\ /`--..______..-' | ### | / `\ /`--. | ### _| | .-;`-./;-. || ### / \ \ /\_| |_/\ //\ ##' | `-' \__/ _ \__/ | |`# \_, /_/ `\ / '. '.__.' .' jgs `-,____,-' /"""I""\ /`---'--'\ The Dean of admissions at Bates College in Maine reads through reams of applications from nervous high school seniors, some maybe a little more nervous than others. Here are a few... "If there is a single word to describe me, that word would be 'profectionist'." "I was abducted into the National Honor Society." "I function well as an individual and a group." "Mathematics has hung like a stork around my neck." -<>- During a hike with my friend I noticed a black bird roosting in a nearby tree. "I've always wondered what the difference is between a crow and a raven," I said. "You have to count the pinion feathers on the wings," my friend explained. "If there are four, it's a crow. If it's five, it's a raven." "Really?" I said, although I knew he didn't have a clue what he was talking about. "Oh yes," he replied, "the difference is just a matter of a pinion." -<>- A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk. "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!" -<>- My broker called me this morning and said, "Remember that stock we bought and I said you'd be able to retire at age 65?" "Yes, I remember," I said. "Well," my broker continued, "your retirement age is now 108." -<>- Driving through New Jersey on Interstate 80 en route from Pennsylvania to New York, I came upon a group of cars that were abnormally traveling exactly at the 55 m.p.h. speed limit. In the middle of the group was a state police cruiser that everyone was reluctant to pass. After several minutes the officer's voice rang out over his roof-mounted loudspeaker. "For heaven's sake, move!" he commanded. "I am a Pennsylvania trooper." -<>- Thinking his son would enjoy seeing the reenactment of a Civil War battle, my niece's husband took the boy, Will, to the event. But the poor child was terrified by the booming cannons. During a lull, Will's dad finally got him calmed down. That's when the Confederate general yelled, "Fire at Will!" ================================================================= >-->In The WordlyNews: >ACLJ reminds us why Freedom is so important... We've got an extremely grave problem on our hands. __ /_/\/\ \_\ / /_/ \ In fact, Christians are literally being targeted \_\/\ \ \_\/ unknown by one of the most powerful Islamic organizations in the world. This is urgent! Help the ACLJ's legal defense teams in the U.S. and Europe IMMEDIATELY answer this serious threat to your religious freedom with your generous gift of support right now. Let me get straight to the matter ... The Organization of the Islamic Conference (OIC), the largest lobbying body of nations within the United Nations (U.N.) - including countries in the Middle East, Asia and even South America - is pushing an anti-Christian agenda with full force. They're attempting to pass a sinister resolution called ''Combating Defamation of Religions.'' It sounds palatable - However, a careful reading shows that it boldly targets men and women of faith, like you and me, who speak out - in any way - against Islam. When Supreme Court Justice Scalia said in a recent dissent, ''America is at war with radical Islamists,'' he was exactly right. We are seeing worldwide persecution of Christians as part of the radical Muslim mission to ''take the world for Islam'' - by purging Christianity from the face of the earth. * In Saudi Arabia, a Muslim father violently cut out his young daughter's tongue and burned her alive upon learning she had become a Christian. * In Africa, a leading Gospel singer was seized, stuffed into a cargo box - with a single hole for air - and left for a month to go crazy or die. After two years, she was released, fled her captive country, and was granted political asylum in Denmark. * In Iran, a couple was tortured for reading the Bible. * Two men in Algeria were tried and convicted for possessing Christian books. And today we face extremely dangerous threats everywhere because of the one posed by the OIC. We need your support, in prayers and giving, as we launch our nationwide campaign to aggressively defeat this bold anti-Christian bigotry. There is no other choice - we've got to win this battle for freedom at the U.N., or the ramifications for Christians will be staggering. Let me hear from you quickly. Thank you. Visit here for more: http://www.aclj.org/Default.aspx -<>- >->From AFA - Please help us get this information into the hands of as many people as possible by forwarding it to your entire e-mail list of family and friends. Gay rights trump religious freedom Honda of Alabama takes logical and reasonable position. Take Action! ___ / _\ | /\_| __-'' _' Yeah HONDA!! ----'-. |#\#)_,_ )##\__ _\__.-. - .- (###) '---. `. - __\____`.#\( ) L(| .'__//\ \#)`-._.' / \\==. /_/_//\_\_ /#/ ### / //\\ \ |(________(##)___/-' '| (_) | ____\___/_________________\___/__________________________________VK * Send an e-mail letter to Honda of Alabama thanking them for taking a logical and reasonable position. http://tinyurl.com/6zjmgt * Make a phone call thanking Honda. The number is 205-355-8000. * Forward this to friends and family. ---- The California Supreme Court, which recently legalized same-sex marriage, has ruled by a 7-0 vote that homosexual rights trump religious freedom. The ruling barred doctors, because of their Christian beliefs, from withholding unnecessary medical care to gays and lesbians. The ruling says that under state law sexual orientation rights trump religious freedom. Justice Joyce Kennard wrote in the ruling that two Christian fertility doctors who refused to artificially inseminate a lesbian have neither a free speech right nor a religious exemption from the state's law, which "imposes on business establishments certain antidiscrimination obligations." Doctors at the Christian clinic referred the lesbian to another clinic, but the lesbian refused their referral - demanding that the Christian clinic perform the procedure. When the Christian doctors refused to violate their religious convictions, the lesbian sued and the Supreme Court gave her the victory. This ruling will affect every business in California. If a similar victory in a federal court is won, every business in America will be affected. For example: Alabama Fertility Specialists (AFS) has begun a campaign to bring Honda of Alabama to its knees because Honda will not cover artificial insemination for a lesbian in it’s insurance. Honda advised their insurance carrier to "exclude domestic partners (same-sex partners) from ART (Assisted Reproductive Technology) benefits including diagnostic services related to fertility/infertility..." If this doesn't work, then count on AFS to sue. Alabama Fertility Specialists alerted the media, their supporters and gay groups about Honda’s actions and called on supporters and gays to bombard Honda with phone calls and letters. Thank you for caring enough to get involved. >Urge Hallmark... Hallmark defends gay marriage cards - Urge your local Hallmark store to refuse to carry them... Urge your local Hallmark store owner to join others in refusing to carry Hallmark gay marriage cards in their stores. You can find your local Hallmark store contact information here. http://tinyurl.com/6dtaum Hallmark is reinforcing their decision to carry gay marriage cards with a message to supporters of traditional marriage – buzz off! According to their website, corporate emails, and in response to phone calls, Hallmark is telling those who contact the company it will carry “cards that use specific language and images appropriate for same-sex wedding ceremonies.” Same sex marriage is not recognized in 48 states, but Hallmark has chosen to become a corporate advocate in advancing homosexual marriage. However, some local Hallmark store owners are refusing to carry them. Earlier this week, Jordan's Hallmark, which owns seven Hallmark Gold Crown stores in Idaho, announced its stores will not carry gay marriage cards in their stores. Please help us get this information into the hands of as many people as possible by forwarding it to your entire e-mail list of family and friends. Thank you for caring enough to get involved. Sincerely, Don Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman American Family Association -<>- >From CoffeeBreak: Sens. Barack Obama and John McCain have agreed to three presidential debates and one vice presidential debate, the two campaigns said Thursday. "The campaigns have come to the earliest agreement on presidential debates reached in any general election in recent history," campaign officials said in a joint statement. The three, 90-minute debates are sponsored by the Commission on Presidential Debates, based in Arlington, Va. The first presidential debate will be Sept. 26 at the University of Mississippi in Oxford on the topics of foreign policy and national security. The lone debate between vice presidential candidates will be Oct. 2 at Washington University in St. Louis. The second presidential debate is scheduled for Oct. 7 at Belmont university in Nashville. It will be a town hall debate format. The final meeting between the two major-party presidential nominees is Oct. 15 at Hofstra University in Hempstead, N.Y., focusing on domestic and economic policy. /'\ / / , c-' / /'-._ ,____,' .-'''-. .-'.// \ '-;-========,"-,' ' ,` /, \_//\ ,/ ( '- *) ) ( ./ ) {,}========'===='- ' , , , \/ ', -muse. _____'-.-`_______________________'-..-'____ Student bikes 1,450 miles to school A freshman at the University of Miami said he made the entire 1,450-mile journey to the school from his suburban Chicago home on his bicycle. Jamshed Jehangir, 18, said it took him 17 days to make the trek to the Miami campus from Downers Grove, Ill., sometimes in heavy rain and winds of up to 30 miles per hour, The Miami Herald reported Wednesday. "The best feeling is getting here," Jehangir said. "The ride is great but it's amazing when you look back on it." Jehangir said he was slowed down for half a day by the remnants of Tropical Storm Fay in Florida. "'It got pretty bad today being blown around everywhere,'' the studio music and jazz major said. He said he had to travel light to make the lengthy trek by bike so the remainder of his belongings were sent to the campus by his mother via FedEx. -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- Suspect got away clean, almost ------------- WICHITA, Kan. - A man who broke into a house Wichita, Kansas, fled in his underwear after the homeowner showed up unexpectedly and caught him doing his laundry, police said. Investigators said the suspect, described as a white male in his 30s, is believed to have entered the home by breaking a basement window, The Telegraph reported Monday. The homeowner said the burglar was startled when she returned home, and high-tailed it out of there wearing just his blue boxer shorts -- and grabbing her purse on his way. The woman said she managed to chase the intruder and recover her purse but he half-naked suspect slipped away. -- Deputies use checks to attract fugitives --------- CHICAGO - Sheriff's deputies in Cook County, Ill., say they used the promise of federal economic stimulus checks to draw several dozen wanted fugitives out into the open. The Chicago-area sheriff's office said it sent more than 5,000 letters to people with outstanding warrants for drunken driving, robbery, burglary and other crimes promising stimulus checks if they visited a store on the Southwest Side of Chicago, the Chicago Tribune reported Monday. However, those who showed up were instead put in handcuffs by deputies participating in "Operation Rebate and Switch." Deputies said 66 people were arrested. "We homed in on what is probably people's prevailing motivator at times, which is greed," Sheriff Tom Dart said. He said deputies posed as receptionists, clerks and customers at the dummy "Tax Recovery Experts Inc." office during the operation, which he said took about three weeks to plan. -- Bride and groom arrested at reception ---------- LAKESIDE, Mich. - A wedding reception in Lakeside, Mich., ended with the bride and groom spending the night in separate jail cells after a melee, police said. Investigators said Andy Somora, 29, and Anna Pastuszwska, 28, both formerly of Chicago, were shocked with police stun guns and arrested at the July 19 reception at Burnison Galleries after police officers from 14 depart- ments were called to calm things down, the Chicago Sun- Times reported. "The short version of the story is they didn't want to quit their partying," said Mike Sepic, Berrien County's chief assistant prosecutor. "If you put this in the class of wedding receptions gone bad, I guess this would take the cake." Somora's father, uncle, aunt and cousin also were arrested. Somora pleaded guilty late last month to a felony charge of resisting and obstructing police. The groom, who also was charged with disturbing the peace, could face imprisonment at his Sept. 15 sentencing for the felony charge. Pastuszwska pleaded guilty to a reduced charge after she was initially accused of resisting and obstructing. She was fined $600. ============================================================= >-->From Our Friend Lorraine :) ,--. _/ <`-' ,-.' \--\_ ((`-.__\ ) \`' @ (_ ( (_) ,'`-._(`-._/ I Love You! ,-' )&&) )) ,-' /&&&%-' ,' __ ,- {&&&&/ / ,' \| |\&&'\ ( | |' \ `--. (%--'\ ,--.\ `-.`-._))) `---'`-/__)))`-._))) hjw >For Someone Special Days may come and days may go They never seem the same Some are bright and sunny And some are filled with rain. Whenever life seems unfair And time you'd like to stop That's when you need to think a bit Be thankful for what you've got. You are so very fortunate You have loving family and friends That lift your spirits when needed As each new day begins So when your life seems shadowed Lift your eyes to Heaven and pray For help in whatever need you have Let Him touch your heart today. This is a special greeting Full of love and prayers too Because you are a special friend And because I do love you. -=- (\ _ /) (`\(")/') (`/\') \\/^\// / \ hjw / \ `-._.-' God Bless You! --- ...Awwww, so very sweet of you! Thank You Lorraine! ====================================================== >-->From Our Friend Viv :) >Sweet Links: _..._ .' `. : : FULL MOON : : `. .' `-...-' Check out Miracle Of The Moon http://home.att.net/~sheryl4/SPIRITUAL/MIRACLE/miracleofthemoon.htm __/) (\__ ,-'~~( _ )~~`-. / \/'_`\/ \ | /_(_)_\ | | _(/(\_/)\)_ | | / // \ / \\ \ | \ | `` / \ '' | / \ ) / \ ( / )/ / \ \( ' `-`-'-' ` You Are A Miracle: http://www.wisehearts.com/yaam.html So, how far can you smack the penguin? Click on the polar bear to make the penguin jump. Then click on the polar bear again in time to make the polar bear swing the bat to hit the penguin across the ice! Click OK to repeat. Very addictive ! ! ! http://n.ethz.ch/student/mkos/pinguin.swf --- ...Cool Ones! Thanks Viv! -<>- \_/ \\ --(_)-- < "_) / \ .--.-.--. / / V /#/ ______________/(/ )\ _,--,/ .-/#/\ "\"-._.oo ' / \)/_\\ "-.___. ./____________________\ \__ | ( ) |__| |__| | ,-,\_|_|__|_____________|__,-, | |________________________| | L L________________________J J '._.'._.'._.'T T________________________P P_.'._.'._.' \ \______________________/ / 'sjw'._.'._.'._\ \____________________/ /'._.'._.'._.' ","-.______________.-"," "-._""--------""_.-" ""--------"" >Noahs' Ark In the year 2008, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in the United States, and said: Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans. He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights. Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. Noah! He roared, I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark? Forgive me, Lord, begged Noah, 'but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision. Then the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it. Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go! When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space. Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood. I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew. Immigration and Naturalization are checking the green-card status of most of the people who want to work. The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience. To make matters worse, the IRS seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species. So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark. Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?' 'No,' said the Lord. "The government beat me to it. --- ...TeeHee! A Good one, Thanks Viv! ================================================================ >-->From The Jokester: ______ __________________: ( _____ ) ( ) / / - - \ \ ( Hmmm... now where ) | |-O-O-| | o O ( IS that brain ) |( () )| ( of mine? ) | \ \_/ / | ( _________________ ) / --- \ (___) (___) unknown >Blonde Selling a Car... A blonde was having a hard time selling her car because the odometer showed more than 230,000 miles. One day, her dark-haired friend gave her some advice. "There's a way to make the car easier to sell," said the brunette, "but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied the frustrated blonde. "I just want to get rid of the stupid thing!" "Okay," said the brunette. "Take the car to this address. It's a friend of mine who owns a repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he'll 'fix' it. You shouldn't have a problem selling it after that." The following weekend, the blonde made the trip to the mechanic. About a month later, the brunette asked the blonde, "Did you ever sell your car?" "Heck no," replied the blonde, "Why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it!" -<>- >25 Gallons of Milk A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again." The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my chest. I can splash it on my eyes." -<>- >Blondes Do Not Really Have More Fun... Two bowling teams, one of all blondes and one of all brunettes, chartered a double-decker bus for a weekend gambling trip. The brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the blonde team rode on the top level. The brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of the brunettes realized she had not heard anything from the blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate. When the brunette reached the top, she found all the blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. The brunette asked, "What the heck is going on up here? We are having great time downstairs!" One of the blondes looked at her, swallowed hard, and whispered, "YEAH, BUT YOU HAVE A DRIVER!" ====================================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: / / / / __.__ / .-' `-. / _ / .' `. .' '._ / / / _.--._ \ ( )' .-'-. ; / \ | / '(._)--' (-'|'-) | | / | | / / / / O | | \_ _/ | / / . ' '=;-|-' | `--' / ______ . q|p | .' /' '\ .___. ( ) /| ._ `. | ,"""", | |"""| |""",.-"'"._ / | | `-. '. | | | | | | ,., '. | | `. \ '____' | | 3-| | | '. | | | / \ ' __ | | | | | | | | | ' ;| | | | 2-| | | | | | | / .@< ; ;| | | |~~~| | | | | >@ | | '(u) | || | | | 1-| | | | | (u)' / ~~~| |~~~~~~~~~| ||~~| |~| |~~| |~~~~| |~~~~~~~~ `--' '---'' '-' '-' '-' '-' )=;;') >';;=( ########################PjP#################################### Hi Screamers, I hope all of you in FL are safe and dry. My street was flooded from Tropical Storm Fay, but it didn't get as far as my door. I had no phone, internet, cable TV yesterday, but had electricity so maintained the air conditioning. Nothing for me to compain about. I have a friend about ten miles away whose first floor is flooded. I know people who have seen people boating around their streets. A lot of places are a mess. Stay dry, Shara -<>- An Irishman was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you should have lost at least 5 pounds.” When the Irishman returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost nearly 20 lbs! “Why, that's amazing!' the doctor said, “'Did you follow my instructions?” The Irishman nodded, “I’ll tell you though, I t'aut I were going to drop dead on dat 3rd day.” “From the hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor. “No, from all that flippin' skippin'.” -<>- >The Broken Lawn Mower Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is usually the husband. When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first: the truck, the car, email, fishing, always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. -<>- _ |\_,,____ ( o__o \/ /(..) \ Oink? (_ )--( _) / ""--"" \ ,===,=| |-,,,,-| |==,== |d | WW | WW | |s | | | | | THREE LITTLE PIGS This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically. A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read . 'and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?' The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?' One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly ... 'I think the man would have said - 'Well, I'll be darned! A talking pig!' The teacher had to leave the room. -<>- A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, 'For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.' The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.' The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me.' The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish. So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years old. __ __ .--. ( ""--__( ""-_ ,' .-.\ * "-_ __ ""--__ "-_( (^_^)) / ( """--___""--__" )-'( / "-__ ""---/ ,(., )__o-/, """----___(.'. /--"--' ("-_"/( / \ \ \ `. \ | \ \/ || \ ,-'/`. \ ) / ) \ Ojo '98 |/ `-.\ `\ The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful slugs should remember fairies are female..... To subscribe, send a blank mailto:scream_of_the_crop-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ==================================================================== >-->REAL Warnings * On the "CycleAware" helmet-mounted mirror: "Remember: Objects in the mirror are actually behind you." * On a large folding cardboard sunshade for car windscreens: "Do not attempt to operate vehicle with sunshade in place." * On a car lock which loops around both the clutch pedal and the steering wheel: "Warning - Remove lock before driving." * In the instructions for a Korean kitchen knife: "Keep out of children." * On a packet of juggling balls: "This product contains small granules under 3 millimeters. Not suitable for children under the age of 14 years in Europe or 8 years in the USA." * On a packet of Nytol sleeping tablets: "Warning: may cause drowsiness." * On a packet of peanuts served on an internal flight in China (written in both English and Chinese): "Open packet and eat contents." * On 500g packets of Sainsbury's peanuts: "Contains nuts." * Seen on a camera: "This camera only works when there is film inside." * On a bottle of flavored milk drink: "After opening, keep upright." * On a Rowenta iron: "Warning! Never iron clothes on the body!" * On a can of windscreen de-icing spray: "Spray works in sub-zero temperatures." . ' . ' .( '.) ' _ ('-.)' (`'.) ' |0|- -(. ')`( .-`) (-') .--`+'--. . (' -,).(') . |`-----'| (' .) - ('. ) | | . (' `. ) | .-. | ` . ` | (0.0) | | >|=|< | | `"` | | | jgs| | `-.___.-' * On a can of insect spray: "Kills all kinds of insects! Warning: This spray is harmful to bees." * A different brand of insect spray: "Kills flies, wasps, mosquitoes, midges, and other flying insects. Not tested on animals." * On a Halloween Batman costume: "This cape does not give the wearer the ability to fly." ============================================================= >-->From SermondFodder: >Courtroom Complaint During court one day, the judge quietly passed the clerk a note reading: "Blind on right side, may be falling. Please call someone." Understandably alarmed, the clerk called for help the reassuringly whispered to the judge that paramedics were on their way and would arrive shortly. Puzzled, the judge pointed to a sagging Venetian blind on the right side of the court room and explained, "I was thinking maybe someone from maintenance!" -<>- Say what????? I'd had enough of my employees' abusing their allotted break time. In an effort to clarify my position, I posted a sign on the bulletin board: "Starting immediately, your 15-minute breaks are being cut from a half-hour to 20 minutes." -<>- OUR AUTHORITY Chip Ingram has written a book entitled "The Invisible War." He writes about a time when he was pastoring in Santa Cruz. He was walking down Pacific Avenue, a popular place for people to go who are just enjoying the evening. Ingram tells that there are several bars on Pacific Avenue, and as he was walking down the street, he saw a couple of pretty big, muscular guys in T-shirts being confronted by the much smaller guy who was working as the bouncer for that bar. The bouncer had called for the police to help with these guys, bigger and stronger than he was, who were drunk and getting more and more agitated by the minute. Ingram said he didn't want to get too close, but he was curious as to what was going to happen. Just a couple of minutes went by before a police cruiser pulled up to the curb with its lights flashing. Out stepped an officer ready to take charge of this situation before it got out of hand. The problem was that the officer was a four-foot-eleven woman, much smaller than any of the guys standing there arguing with each other. How was she going to handle this? The petite female officer went straight up to the troublemakers and asked, "Gentlemen, do we have a problem here?" The two guys started in on her, but she immediately interrupted them. She pointed to her badge and said, "Excuse me. I'm authorized by Santa Cruz County to enforce the law. I'd like both of you over against the car right now. Do you understand?" They hesitated, and then she put her hand on her revolver. Ingram said that he had "never seen two burly drunk guys get sober so fast." They got up against the car, legs spread, arms behind their backs. Then Ingram asked, "Why on earth did two enormous bullies submit to a very small woman? In any other situation, that confrontation could have been disastrous. But this situation had nothing to do with size and strength. The police officer had authority, and the guys on steroids didn't." Here's what you and I need to pull from that story for our lives today. We are up against an enemy stronger and more numerous than we are, but we have all the resources and authority of heaven itself behind us. (The Timothy Report, www.timothyreport.com) --- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | Our Authority | I | | | | B | | | We Got Clout! | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' ...Yeah! Our Authority is Jesus Christ himself! Our FATHER is GOD Himself. Geesh! Talk about clout! We Got It!! Philippians 2:9-11 "9": Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name: "10": That at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of things in heaven, and things in earth, and things under the earth; "11": And that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. =================================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: ______.........--=T=--.........______ . |:| :-. // /""""""-. ': '-._____..--""(""""""()`---.__ /: _..__ '' ":""""'[] |""`\\ ': :' `-. _:._ '"""" : :: '--=:____:.___....-" O" O" grp Him Too? A speeding motorist was caught by radar from a police helicopter in the sky. An officer pulled him over and began to issue a traffic ticket. "How did you know I was speeding?" the frustrated driver asked. The police officer pointed somberly toward the sky. "You mean," asked the motorist, "that even He is against me?" -<>- "Grandpa" There was chill in the air. A man came walking up to the house when he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair with nothing on from the waist down. "Grandpa what are you doing?" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering. "Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on below your waist?", he asked again. The old man slowly looked at him and said "Well, last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea." -<>- . // _.-"""""'//-'""""-._ .', , , , : : ` ` ` `. / , , \'-._ : :_.-'/ ` ` \ / , , :\(_)\ /(_)/ : ` ` \ | , , , \__//\\__/ . . ` ` | | . .:_ : : '--`: : . _: ; :| | : : \\_ _' : _: :__// , , | \ ` ` \ \/ \/\/ \_/ / , , / \ ` ` \_/\_/\_/\_/\/ , , / `._ ` . : : : , , _.' `-..............-' bni PUMPKIN FACTS Pumpkin seeds can be roasted as a snack. Pumpkins contain potassium and Vitamin A. Pumpkins are used for feed for animals. Pumpkin flowers are edible. Pumpkins are used to make soups, pies and breads. The largest pumpkin pie ever made was over five feet in diameter and weighed over 350 pounds. It used 80 pounds of cooked pumpkin, 36 pounds of sugar, 12 dozen eggs and took six hours to bake. Pumpkins are members of the vine crops family called cucurbits. Pumpkins originated in Central America. In early colonial times, pumpkins were used as an ingredient for the crust of pies, not the filling. Pumpkins were once recommended for removing freckles and curing snake bites. Pumpkins range in size from less than a pound to over 1,000 pounds. The largest pumpkin ever grown weighed 1,140 pounds. The name pumpkin orginated from "pepon" - the Greek word for "large melon." The Connecticut field variety is the traditional American pumpkin. Pumpkins are 90 percent water. Pumpkins are fruit. Eighty percent of the pumpkin supply in the United States is available in October. In colonial times, Native Americans roasted long strips of pumpkin in an open fire. Colonists sliced off pumpkin tips; removed seeds and filled the insides with milk, spices and honey. This was baked in hot ashes and is the origin of pumpkin pie. Native Americans flattened strips of pumpkins, dried them and made mats. Native Americans called pumpkins "isqoutm squash." Native Americans used pumpkin seeds for food and medicine. http://www.urbanext.uiuc.edu/pumpkins/facts.html -<>- 69696969 69696969 6969 696969 696969 6969 969 69 6969696 6969 6969 696 969 696969696 696969696969 696 969 69696969696 6969696969696 696 696 9696969696969 969696969696 969 696 696969696969 969696969 969 696 696 96969 _=_ 9696969 69 696 9696 969696 q(-_-)p 696969 6969 96969696 '_) (_` 69696969 96 /__/ \ 69 69 _(<_ / )_ 96 6969 (__\_\_|_/__) 9696 You're Not A Monk A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, "My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?" The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, "We can't tell you. You're not a monk." The man says, "All right, all right. I'm dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?" The monks reply, "You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk." The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, "I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth."v The monks reply, "Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound." The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, "The sound is right behind that door." The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, "Real funny. May I have the key?" The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, "This is the last key to the last door." The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk. -<>- _, _ .' `. ___.>"''-..-. `-. ; .--""" .-._@; ; !_.--..._ .' / .[_@'`'. ; / : .' ; :_.._ `. : ; ;[ _T-" `.'-. `-. \ .-: ; `.`-=_,88p. _.}.-" `-.__.-' \ /L._ Y",P$T888; "" .-'_.-' / ;$$$$$$]8P; \ / / / "Y$$P" ^" fsc ;\_ `.\_._ ]__\ \___; Things you would never know without the Movies - During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. - If being chased through town, you can usuaally take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade -at any time of year. - The Chief of Police will almost always susspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job. - All grocery bags contain at least one sticck of French Bread. - The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - noone will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected. - The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any winddow in Paris. - If you need to reload your gun, you will aalways have more ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now. - If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition. - When paying for a taxi, don't look at yourr wallet as you take out a bill; just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare. - Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead. - If staying in a haunted house, women shoulld investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear. - Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and wafffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it. - Cars that crash will almost always burst iinto flames. - All telephone numbers in America begin witth the digits 555. - A single match will be sufficient to lightt up a room the size of RFK stadium. - Medieval peasants had perfect teeth. - Any person waking from a nightmare will siit bolt upright and pant. - It is not necessary to say hello or goodbyye when beginning or ending phone conversations. - Even when driving down a perfectly straighht road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments. - A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. - When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage. - Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving. - You can always find a chainsaw when you neeed one. - Any lock can be picked by a credit card orr a paper clip in seconds- unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside. - Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired. ====================================================== >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) >From TheMouth: BADLY DRAWN CATS http://www.tiddles.co.uk/ A GHOST IN MY SUITCASE http://www.ghostinmysuitcase.com/ -<>- >From Linky&Dinky: YOUR KIDS can HEAR STUFF you CAN'T http://www.teenbuzz.org/ THE GOLD-MEDAL-WINNING OLYMPIC SNAPS are in. How do they get their cameras in the right place at the right time so often? Page 1: http://tinyurl.com/6f7fkn Page 2: http://tinyurl.com/6378k2 Page 3: http://tinyurl.com/6967yh -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Melva/Prayer Warriors http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Insp/ATribute.html WHY DON'T WE HEAR ABOUT THESE GUYS? http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/WHYDONTWEHEAR.HTML John w/ That's My Desire ~Patsy Cline~ http://heavens-gates.com/patsycline/desire/ Melva/Lamb Of God http://www.silverandgoldandthee.com/Insp/LambOfGod.html John w/ Color Me A Rainbow http://heavens-gates.com/rainbow/ YOUR RESERVATION IN HEAVEN http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/YourReservationIInHeaven.html Marlene w/ Learning To Lean http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML6/LearningToLean.html Marine Corps Combat Fitness Test http://www.militarytimes.com/multimedia/video/cft_maven_16x9__141602/ Bicycle Maintenance Guide and Riding Tips http://www.bitrot.de/bbook_intro.html About Rainbows http://www.unidata.ucar.edu/staff/blynds/rnbw.html Tailgate Party Ideas, Recipes, Menus, Decorating Tips & Advice http://www.chiff.com/entertain/tailgate.htm Jump http://www.buffaloschips.com/72232.htm Kayak http://www.buffaloschips.com/72233.htm Kidnap http://www.buffaloschips.com/72234.htm Kitchen Oil Fire http://www.buffaloschips.com/72235.htm Loafing http://www.buffaloschips.com/851.htm Ignore It http://www.buffaloschips.com/50226.htm Help Us Kill Him http://www.buffaloschips.com/50227.htm Beans http://www.buffaloschips.com/50228.htm Giblets In The Gravy http://www.buffaloschips.com/50229.htm Pail Face http://www.buffaloschips.com/50230.htm News Item http://www.buffaloschips.com/50231.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com ============================================================ >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "According to a new survey, 11 percent of all Americans be- tween the ages of 18 and 24 could not find the United States on a map of the world. How pathetic is that? President Bush commented on this today, he said, 'Why do we need our kids to find the U.S. on a map? They're already here.'" -Jay Leno "General Motors is producing a driver-less car. Here's my fear: I'll buy one of those driver-less cars, and I'll be home on a Saturday night, and the car will out driving with- out me!" -David Letterman "This week, scientists have discovered a celestial body that is 18 billion times more massive than the sun. It was im- mediately hired to co-host The View." -Craig Ferguson "I'm not a fatalist. But even if I were, what could I do about it?" --Emo Philips You know what they call the guy who finishes last in medical school? They call him "Doctor". --Abe Lemons "I had to go to analysis. They told me I had an unresolved Oedipus complex. Which, according to them, meant I want to sleep with my mother. Which is preposterous. My father doesn't even want to sleep with my mother." --Dennis Wolfberg "She's fine, but the other day in England, an 80-year-old woman was out for a walk in the country when she was attacked by three wild pigs. Experts say this is odd because usually British food attacks you after you eat it." --Conan O'Brien "U.S. officials have now approved the first anti-obesity drug for dogs. I'm no veterinarian, but if your dog is over eating, try putting a little less food in the bowl. Do we really need to give him a pill? Is the dog taking your car keys and driving to McDonalds?" --Jay Leno >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales & Serrvice You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************