What I Don't Do... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ .-=":-=") |_.'|_.' /" /" : / / / .' .' : .-'-.---. / .--"""""--.. : .((((__ .\ ___.:-//\\\\\\-._ -. __..--'"` [.]-[.] \\_. ` `""--..__ ..---\ ___(/_ | /___ /---.. """",-/_...---'"`` \,_ /.- ``"'---..__\-,"""" " /"""'"'""""/ " \`'-.__.-' \___ aa/wkm "._________".' ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press This flaming hot new page is from our friend PatDeE. It is quite amazing and a bit on the humorous side. Here's a good reason to always keep your car locked - even if out in the boonies! ( )___( ) /__oo \ ( \/ ) | `=/ | / \ / / \ \ / ( \ \ ( ,_/_ \ \ \_ '= \ ) ""' / / ; / /'? : (((( / ctr `._ \ _ ( __| | /_ ("__,.."'_._.) Grizzly Bear Encounter http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grizzlyencounter.html --- ...Wow! Totally Stunning! Thanks PatDeE! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: >Defining Occupations As They Actually Are Accountant - Someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. Auditor - Someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded. Banker - The fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain) Economist - An expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. Statistician - Someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant. Actuary - Someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane. Programmer - Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. Mathematician - A blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. Lawyer - A person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief". Psychologist - A man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room. Schoolteacher - Is some one who likes children. A royal baby sitter. Consultant - Someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time. Diplomat - Someone who can tell you to go somewhere you don't like in such a way that you will look forward to the trip. -<>- , \. /J ..---.. .-```-. L`\ \-.__.-` L .-`` ``-. / \ | \ \ J .` _. `. J J \ `\ L/ /` \ . \ \ | | \ `, | ``-.o\ /_.-``\ L L L `\ | J , `/\` , | J J `\ / L /( `` )\ J | | , `\ | `\`---.....--`/` | L L | ` | \ (__Y__) / L-.-' J |\ | `-.____.-` / __ | | \ |`. .` ( ) `-._.-` \ | `-.. ..-` `-` `-.___.-` ``---`` NDT >What I Don't Do 1. I don't do windows because ... I love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt. 2. I don't wax floors because ... I am terrified a guest will slip, hurt themselves. I'll feel terrible and they may sue me. 3. I don't mind the dust bunnies because .... they are very good company. I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say. 4. I don't disturb cobwebs because . I want every creature to have a home of their own and hubby loves spiders. 5. I don't Spring Clean because ... I love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous. 6. I don't plant a garden because ... I don't want to get in God's way. He is an excellent designer. 7. I don't put things away because ... my husband will never be able to find them again. 8. I don't do gourmet meals when I entertain because ... I don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner. 9. I don't iron because ... I choose to believe them when they say "Permanent Press". 10. I don't stress much on anything because ... "A Type" personalities die young and I want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!! ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ June 17 is Eat Your Vegetables Day June 18 is Go Fishing Day, International Panic Day, International Picnic Day, International Sushi Day and National Splurge Day June 19 is Juneteenth, National Kissing Day and World Sauntering Day June 20 is Ice Cream Soda Day and National Bald Eagle Day June 21 is Go Skate Day, International Yoga Day, National Selfie Day, Finally Summer Day / Summer Solstice, Take a Road Trip Day and Take Your Dog to Work Day June 22 is National Chocolate Eclair Day June 23 is National Columnists Day and National Pink Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: (\ (\_\_^__o ___ `-'/ `_/ '`--\______/ | ' / | ` . ' -`/.------'\^-' >Obedience Class Bert's wife enrolled Molly, her lovable cocker spaniel, in a ten-week obedience class. At the end of the term Molly had made little progress. She re-enrolled her, but at the end of the second course Molly was still noticeably behind her canine classmates. The instructor, perhaps determined to succeed with that dog, offered to let her repeat the course for the third time at no charge. That evening Bert heard his wife on the phone with her mother. "Guess what?" she said. "Molly was the only dog in her class to get a free scholarship!" -<>- >Complaints Two old men are in a restaurant. One complains, "You know, the food here is just terrible." The other shakes his head and adds, "And such small portions." -<>- >Perfectly Made When we put our house up for sale, I stressed emphatically that my sons make their beds each morning. I left for work before they left for school, and I wanted to be sure that the house looked presentable when the agent showed it to prospective buyers. I was surprised and impressed that my 15-year-old son's bed was perfectly made each day. One night when I went into his room, I discovered his secret. He was fast asleep on the floor in his sleeping bag. -<>- ,-----. /' `\ ; ----,---- ; | `o- |`o- | | |_ | | _____, | \_ _/ | `-----' | __.-; ;-.__ _,-' ; : ; ; `-._ _,' `. ,`-,_____ \ : : / ____,-'-, >Getting Bald The father is getting quite bald and his elder daughter's wedding is coming up. All his friends and family would be there, and, well, even men can be vain. He gets fitted with an expensive toupee. On the wedding day, everything went well. Nevertheless, he thought that everyone must have seen his toupee. The next day, his youngest daughter sees his worried look and says, "What's the matter, Daddy? Why are you so sad?" "I'm not really sad, darling," he replies, "it's just that I'm sure everyone yesterday saw that I was wearing a toupee." "No they didn't, Daddy," she says, "No one I told knew anything about it." -<>- >Stolen Car Dad's beloved old white convertible was in deplorable shape, but he refused to get rid of it. So when the old junker was stolen from his office parking lot, the family was delighted. Nonetheless, they called the police and filed an insurance claim. Their relief was short-lived, within an hour an officer was on the phone. "We found the car less than a mile away," he said, trying to restrain himself. "It had a note on it that read, 'Thanks anyway, we'd rather walk.'" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) \ / \\ // )\-/( /e e\ ( =Y= ) /`-!-'\ ____/ /___\ \ \ / ``` ```~~"--.,_ `-._\ / `~~"--.,_ ----->| `~~"--.,_ _.-'/ \ ~~"--.,_ /jgs\_________________________,,,,....----""""~~~~```` >SMILES My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" "The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself." -------- My Mom always told me to wear clean underwear 0in case you have an accident. But if you have an accident, your underwear won't be very clean, will it? -------- After being with her all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with his blind date. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!" -------- A man was sitting in his attorney's office. "Do you want the bad news first or the terrible news?" the lawyer said. "Give me the bad news first." "Your wife found a picture worth a half-million dollars." "That's the bad news?" asked the man incredulously. "I can't wait to hear the terrible news." "The terrible news is that it's of you and your secretary." ------- When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer 'yes' or 'no.' You're going to get it anyway! -------- At a family gathering, a husband began teasing his wife about how she always gets her way. "Honey," she said to her husband, "when I get my way, that's a compromise." "What is it when I get my way?" he was quick to ask. She replied, "That's a miracle!" -------- After noticing how trim my husband had become, a friend asked me how I had persuaded him to diet. It was then I shared my dark secret. "I put our teenage son's shorts in his underwear drawer. When he put them on, he could barely get them above his knees!" -------- "Did you give the prisoner the third degree?" asked the police sergeant. "Yeah, we browbeat him, asking every question we could." answered the arresting officer. "And did you get a confession?" asked the sergeant. "Not exactly." replied the officer. "All he said was, 'Yes Dear,' and dozed off." -------- A guy is watching a film with creepy organ music on the TV and suddenly yells, 'Don't enter that church, you darn fool!!!' His wife asks him, 'What are you watching?' Husband replies, 'Our wedding video.' ------- As a trail guide in a national park, I eat with the rest of the seasonal staff in a rustic dining hall. When we finish our meals, we scrape the remains into a garbage pail and stack our plates for the dishwasher. One worker, apparently not too happy with the cuisine, was ahead of me in line. As he slopped a largely uneaten plate of food into the garbage, I heard him mutter, "Now STAY THERE this time." -------- I was driving down through the South and, being hungry, stopped at a roadside diner. Upon entering, I saw a sign advertising the daily special: "Fresh venison." Well, I ordered the Special of the Day, and, after completing the meal, I spied the cook standing behind the counter. I told him, "My complements to the chef. That was probably the tenderest venison I have ever eaten!" The cook smiled and replied, "Yep, them eighteen-wheelers'll do that, don't they?" -------- A man was sent to prison for 20 years. He was so bored while in there; he found an ant and decided to teach it tricks -- like beg, play dead, roll over, jump hair etc. He served his time and was released. He took his ant with him in a matchbox. The first place he went was to a bar. He sat down, took out the matchbox and emptied out the ant. He then said to the guy beside him, "You are not gonna believe what this ant can do." He showed him all the tricks and the guy was impressed. He told him that he could make a fortune with the ant. The guy with the ant was excited and called the bartender over and said "You see that ant?" The bartender put his finger on the ant, twisted it and said "Sorry, sir, it won't happen again." -------- Siamese Twins walk into a bar and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the bartender, "Don't mind us; we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Budweiser beers, draft please." The bartender, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. "Been on vacation yet, fellows?" "Off to England next month," says John. "We go to England every year, rent a car and drive for miles. Don't we, Jim?" Jim agrees. "Ah, England!" says the bartender. "Wonderful country...the history, the beer, the culture...." "Nah, we don't like that British stuff," says John. "Hamburgers and Bud, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English -- they're so arrogant and rude!" "So why keep going to England?" asks the bartender. "It's the only chance Jim gets to drive...." -------- _ mMm _[_]_ /(_)\ (_) //)^(\\//:\\ /(/&@&\)\|~|/ / /-~`~-\ ||| `/ \||| `-------'-'-- Before and After the Wedding... (read top to bottom first; then read bottom to top.) Husband: "At last! I can hardly wait!" Wife: "Do you want me to leave?" Husband: "No! Don't even think about that." Wife: "Do you love me?" Husband: "Of course! Always have and always will!" Wife: "Have you ever cheated on me?" Husband: "No! Why are you even asking?" Wife: "Will you kiss me?" Husband: "Every chance I get!" Wife: "Will you hit me?" Husband: "Heck no! Are you crazy?!" Wife: "Can I trust you?" Husband: "Yes." Wife: "Oh my Darling!" --- ...LOL! Great ones! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: ________ / ______ \ || _ _ || ||| || ||| |||_||_||| || _ _o|| (o) ||| || ||| |||_||_||| ^~^ , ||______|| ('Y') ) /__________\ / \/ ________|__________|__ (\|||/) _________ hjw /____________\ `97 |____________| >Be 67% more secure with one easy move Make your home safer in two seconds by simply doing one thing that 23% of us don't do on a regular basis...LOCK YOUR DOORS! Two-thirds of the time when a break-in occurs, the thief walks right in because the door has been kept unlocked. Protect your sliding glass door by simply adding a broom handle in the tracks. This is a simple DIY project you can do on you own, or you can do what I did...measure the door and head over to Home Depot, Menards, Lowe's or any other handy man store and ask for them to cut you a piece of pipe to the measurement you took. Whichever route you decide to take, simply place the broom stick, or pipe in the tracks which will prevent the door from sliding open. Side note: I had them cut my pipe a little shorter the my measurement, so I could still leave the door cracked to get a little bit of a breeze without comprising my safety. -<>- >Un-scratch Your Plates With Baking Soda A slip of the knife here, an overzealous fork there, and suddenly, you've got a stack of unsightly scratched plates in your kitchen. Fortunately, it's easy to make your plates look brand new again with some baking soda. Simply make a paste of baking soda and water, rub it into the scratches, and in no time, your dishes will look as good as new. -<>- >Unstick your drawers If you have stubborn drawers that don't open smoothly, remove them and rub an old candle along all the surfaces on the bottom of the drawer that touch the dresser. Do the same for the dresser and your drawers will slide open easily again. -<>- >Baby powder (with cornstarch) to the rescue... This bathroom staple can tackle a whole host of summer beauty arghs... Complexion mattifier: Pat a small amount onto greasy skin. It sops up oil for a shine-free face. Foot deodorizer: Sprinkle a little on your feet and in your shoes. The powder absorbs moisture to fend off stinky odors that come from sweating. Blister preventer: Brush some powder onto blister-prone areas like your heels or toes to create a friction-reducing barrier between your skin and your shoes. -<>- >'Go Green' Hints: * Buy locally grown produce Who knew that fruits and vegetables could be such globe-trotters? North American produce can travel a minimum of 1,500 miles to get into the hands of shoppers at grocery stores. This transportation uses barrels upon barrels of crude oil and spews out pollutants and greenhouse-gases on the trip. If you buy your seasonally available produce from local farmers you can reduce your food miles and cut down on pollution, while helping your local economy. * Slay those energy suckers in your home There are several appliances in your home that are draining power 24-hours a day, even after you have turned them off. In total Americans pay $1 billion a year to power televisions and VCRs that are turned off. Other stingy appliances eating up your energy include the toaster, coffeemaker, hair dryer, computer, printer, cable box, and cell phone charger. * Cover your pool when it's not in use Not only will it keep the water from evaporating and prevent the need for refills, but the pool will stay cleaner, require fewer chemicals, and reduce the need to run pumps and filters - all of which can save water and energy. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Justice With Judge Jeanine 6/15/19 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2j7dF97KJV0 The Ingraham Angle 6/14/19 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYA3KtBlr3w Levin slams Democrats for declaring Trump a criminal https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WUaprUHQu9k F-35 Over Washington: An Excellent Message to Friend and Foe -Washington Examiner “President Trump was right on Wednesday to order an F-35B strike fighter overflight of Washington, D.C. The display was a gesture to visiting Polish President Andrzej Duda. Poland intends to buy a number of F-35s,” Tom Rogan writes. “But this flypast also sends a broader message to the world . . . It's better to be an American friend than an American enemy.” https://tinyurl.com/y5q87svw Kim Kardashian West Returns to White House for Prisoner Reentry Event -CBS News “Kim Kardashian West, who was a driving force behind the commutation of Alice Johnson, returned to the White House to speak at an event promoting the hiring of prisoners released early under the First Step Act, the criminal justice reform law President Trump signed into law in December,” CBS reports. “These people want to work. They want the best outcome,” Kardashian West said. https://tinyurl.com/y65oes2q CNN's Jim Acosta takes Shots At Hannity, Gets DECIMATED JIm Acosta is way over his head here http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-14kxa9-jw53js-b61d11g7/ Warren RIDICULOUS Accusation On Trump backfires Warren seems to have lost touch with reality... http://trk.cp20.com/click/g6v6-14kxa9-jw53jv-b61d11g0/ *Media Blackout & Government Denials About Ebola* - Survival Update https://tinyurl.com/y3ojk5hh Westwing News: https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Resolute Reads - White House https://www.whitehouse.gov/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Potato Chips, Pizza, Breakfast Wraps http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: E. Coli Found in Flour http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text -<>- >From BizarreNews: Here's a story about a father who saved the day when he rescued his daughter from being eaten by a shark. Unfortunately the attack off the North Carolina cost the teenager her leg, but it could have been much worse if the girl's dad had not intervened in the most awesome way possible. Paige Winter, 17, of Havelock was attacked by a shark while standing in waist-deep water off Atlantic Beach, as her father stood nearby, according to a GoFundMe page that has raised more than $23,000. The beach is located at the southern tip of the Outer Banks, north of Jacksonville. The father, Charlie Winter, is a firefighter and paramedic with the City of Havelock Fire and Rescue and served in the Marines, according to the campaign. Paige lost part of one leg above the knee and some fingers, the girl's grandmother Janet Winter posted. "Thank God our son was with her," the woman wrote. "He said he punched the shark in the face five times before it let go." Family friend Brandon Bersch confirmed the punches in an interview with the "Today" show, saying Charlie Winter "began striking the shark on the nose." -<>- I was going to tell you the story of the 3-year-old boy from Israel who is convinced he was murdered with an axe in his previous life, and was even able to direct authorities to an anonymous grave containing a skeleton AND to where an axe was randomly buried. But then I found the story of a Tennessee man who was arrested after he walked into a bar and tried to make love with an ATM machine. 49-year-old Lonnie Hutton was apprehended at The Boro Bar and Grill in Murfreesboro. According to police, an officer was dispatched to the bar, where a witness said that Hutton walked to the ATM and "pulled down his pants and underwear exposing his privates and then attempted to make love with the ATM." After his encounter with the ATM, Hutton began to walk around the bar nude, thrusting his hips in the air. Hutton was subsequently escorted from the bar and told to sit at a wooden picnic table. But once outside the bar, Hutton allegedly "again exposed himself again and engaged in love making with the wooden picnic table." To the surprise of no one police reported that Hutton smelled of booze, had bloodshot eyes and slurred speech. --- ...A good reason to always carry sanitary wipes with you to public places - and always wash your hands after being out and about - real good - lots of soap and water! ARGH! *--- Deny, Deny, Deny ---* A Florida Man who had cocaine on his nose when the vehicle he was traveling in was stopped by police told arresting officers that the drug was not his. Fabricio Jimenez, 20, was a passenger in a car that was pulled over during a Sunday morning stop in Tampa. When a Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office deputy approached the auto, the female cop "immediately noticed Jimenez had a white powdery substance on his nose she recognized to be powder cocaine," according to investigators. Jimenez's nose was subsequently swabbed by police and a field test returned a positive result for the presence of cocaine in the sample. A search of Jimenez yielded a small bag of cocaine, while police also seized a backpack containing 250 grams of marijuana and 13 Xanax pills. Jimenez, arrested on three felony narcotics possession charges, "attempted to tell the deputies the cocaine on his nose was not his," according to the sheriff's office. It does not appear Jimenez offered an explanation as to how someone else's cocaine got into his nose. *--- The 'Mount Everest' of Garbage ---* India has a lot of people, and they produce a lot of garbage, and a lot of it ends up at the Ghazipur landfill outside of New Delhi. Or as the locals call it; 'Mount Everest'. Ghazipur first opened in 1984, but by 2002 the landfill had reached capacity and should have been closed, but with nowhere else to put the garbage it just kept growing. Now the pile of barbage is more than 213 feet. Taller than the Taj Mahal or London Bridge. Not only is the huge expanse of trash an eyesore, it is also a hazard. Last year two locals were killed in a landslide after a section of the mountain collapsed. Now it is so tall India's Supreme Court has warned that it's well overdue for some aircraft warning lights. India is one of the world's largest garbage producers. Unless something is done soon, the Ghazipur landfill and others like it may soon grow too large to clean up. *--- Mysterious UFO Filmed Over Area 51 ---* An unidentified flying object has been filmed from a mountain overlooking top secret US air base Area 51. Hikers scaled Tikaboo Peak in Navada to overlook the secretive base which is thought to be where the latest aircraft technology is tested. In the video a strange floating object can be seen close to a plane entering a hangar--though it is unlikely to be alien activity. A huge new hangar can also been seen. The largest change to the base in almost ten years. It's hard to see in the blurry footage and impossible to tell what the image really is, but a white saucer-shaped object definitely appears to hover in the air. While some claim the base has been shut down, the YouTuber who took the video filmed helicopters, trucks and planes on the site. *--- 94-year-old WW II Vet Gets Diploma ---* A 94-year-old Chicago man who missed his high school graduation due to World War II walked across the stage at his old school to accept his diploma 76 years later. William C. Wagner, 76, said he missed his graduation at Tilden High School in 1944 when he left to serve in the war, but his son, Forrest Wagner, secretly arranged for a diploma to be issued for his father in time for his birth- day in March. "I was in my last half of my senior year," Wagner said. "I went to draft board and they said, 'Punk you got a number, you got to go.'" Wagner walked across the stage with the Tilden High School class of 2019. Wagner isn't the oldest person to be awarded a high school diploma -- Fred Butler, 106, was awarded a diploma from Beverly High School in Massachusetts in 2013, nearly a century after he dropped out of school in the eighth grade to help support his family. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: 1+1=2 /\ \ c") ;-/\> || kOs >Math Nothing's better than being 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37, 41, 43, 47, 53, 59, 61, 67, 71, 73, 79, 83, 89, or 97 years old. Those are the years you're in your prime. Get It? -<>- >More Weight, Less Hair... I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair. Obviously, it wasn't called that. It was advertised as a 'School Reunion.' -<>- >A Rare Disease The doctor looked at my test results and said, "Sir, you've got a very rare disease." I said, "How rare?" He said, "You get to pick the name." -<>- ^^ .-=-=-=-. ^^ ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ ^^ ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ ^^ ( `-=-=-=-(@)-=-=-` ) ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ (`-=-=-=-=-=-=-`) ^^ ^^ jgs (`-=-=-=-=-`) `-=-=-=-=-` >Q and A Quickies Q: What did the 0 say to the 8? A: Nice belt! Q: Have you heard about corduroy pillows? A: They're making headlines! Q: Why did the orange stop? A: Because, it ran outta juice. Q: How do you shoot a killer bee? A: With a bee-bee gun! Q: What did the triangle say to the circle? A: You're pointless! Q: What kind of dog keeps the best time? A: A watch dog. Q: Do you remember the joke I told you recently about my spine? A: It was about a weak back. Q: What do you call friends you like to eat with? A: Tastebuds. Q: What do you call a man with no shins? A: Tony. Q: How does a vegan begin grace before a meal? A: Lettuce pray. Q: What happens when you eat aluminum foil? A: You sheet metal. Q: What do they call Miley Cyrus in Europe? A: Kilometery Cyrus. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: { { } }_{ __{ .-{ } }-. ( } { ) |`-.._____..-'| | ;--. | (__ \ | | ) ) | |/ / | / / -Felix Lee- | ( / \ y' `-.._____..-' In the British documentary 56 Up, a man shared that he had earned a law degree at Oxford. Then, in his thick English accent, he proudly proclaimed that he was now a "barrister." My 13-year-old daughter wasn't impressed. "So," she said, "he spent all that effort getting an Oxford law degree, and now he works at Starbucks?" -<>- My wife is a very adventurous cook. "How does this sound?" she called out from the kitchen. "Bonito, surimi, and anchovies in a decadent, silky broth." "Sounds delicious," I hollered back. "Is that what we're having tonight?" "No. I'm reading from this packet of cat food." -<>- Two men sank into adjacent train seats after a long day in the city. One asked the other, "Your son go back to college yet?" "Two days ago." "Hm. Mine's a senior this year, so it's almost over. In May, he'll be an engineer. What's your boy going to be when he gets out of college?" "At the rate he's going, I'd say he'll be about thirty." "No, I mean what's he taking in college?" "He's taking every penny I make." "Doesn't he burn the midnight oil enough?" "He doesn't get in early enough to burn the midnight oil." "Well, has sending him to college done anything at all?" "Sure has! It's totally cured his mother of bragging about him!" -<>- An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead." -<>- I was waiting tables at a country club when an elegantly dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with a napkin. Having plenty of experience with getting out food stains, I asked, "Can I bring you some club soda?" "Young lady," she barked, "I'll be the judge of when I've had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!" -<>- ,. ( . ) . " (" ) )' ,' ) . (` '` .; ) ' (( (" ) ;(, (( ( ;) " )" _"., ,._'_.,)_(..,( . )_ _' )_') (. _..( '..jb A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his leg. The first actuary quoted an annual premium of $500, estimating that the leg would burn once in 20 years and the value of the leg is $5,000. The second actuary quoted an annual premium of $50. When the second actuary was asked how he arrived at such a small figure, he replied, "This situation is right here in the fire schedule rating table. The object is a wooden structure with an upper sprinkler, isn't it?" ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: `/\ ____/ / _ / ___ \ \\_!_________(_/_/ \ \ <#|=====|______ / /__/ / C|=====|---' \__/ / |-|-|~ / /---' / / |_____| jiri >Things Not to Do at a Hostage Negotiation As Hostage Taker: * Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. * Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick trip to the bathroom. * Let one hostage go to the bathroom. When he doesn't return, send the others to see what's taking him so long. * Agree to let the hostages go, after doing so, make your demands. * Rig the building to explode if someone tries to go through the door, then remember that you forgot to lock your car and leave the room. * Confuse the detonator for your explosive booby-traps with your garage door opener. * Tell the negotiator that you'd rather choke on tear gas than let the hostages go. * Allow one of the hostages to win possession of your gun because of a rock-paper-scissors tournament. * Start bawling like a baby when one of your hostages calls you a "meanie". * Ask the negotiator to tell your fiancee that this is all a joke and would she marry you. |||||||||||||| = \ , = | _= ___/ / _\ (o)\ | | \ _ \ | |/ (____) \__/ / | / / ___) / \ \ _) ) \ \ / ( \/ \ \_________/ |\_________________,_ ) \/ \ / | ==== _______)__) \/ \ / __/___ ====_/ \/ \ / (O____)\\_(_/ (O_ ____) (O____) by tod@m-net.arbornet.org As Negotiator: * Ask the hostage taker if he/she would like to go to dinner after the stand-off. * When hearing the demands suddenly yell into the phone, "It's always you you you! What about my needs?!" * When you call the hostage taker, tell him you'd like a large thick crust pepperoni and snicker loudly. * When the hostage taker lists his demands yell into the phone "La la la la! I can't hear you!" * Mention how much income tax the hostage taker will have to pay if he/she gets the F-15 he/she wants. * Tell the hostage taker that you think Rosanne Barr should play him in the TV movie of the stand-off. * Tell the hostage taker you think it would be really cool if a hostage came flying out of a 52nd story window. * When the hostage taker agrees to let the hostages go tell him, "You're never gonna be on COPS with a wussy attitude like that." ========================================================= >-->From TheJokester: _*_ ....iiooiioo __/_|_\__ [(o)_R_(o)] fe A West Virginia State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-79. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?" The driver replied, " 'Bout whut?" -<>- A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy replied, "Jack Daniels and women with big tops". -<>- , /\ , / '-' '-' \ | POLICE | \ .--. / | ( 19 ) | \ '--' / '--. .--' jgs \/ A policeman recently stopped a woman for exceeding the posted speed limit. He asked the driver her name and where she was from. She said, "I'm Mrs. Gladiolas Abdulkhashim Zybkcicraznovskaya from the Republic of Uzbekistan visiting my daughter in Tallahassee." The cop put away his summons book and pen, and said, "Well... OK... but don't let me catch you speeding again." -<>- , __ _.-"` `'-. /||\'._ __{}_( |||| |'--.__\ | L.( ^_\^ \ .-' | _ | | | )\___/ | \-'`:._] jgs \__/; '-. >Police quotes: "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." "Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid." "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." "Just how big were those two beers?" -<>- A cop got out of his car and a kid, who was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. -<>- .--------------. |~ ~| |H____________H| |.------------.| ||::.. __ || |'--------'--''| | '. ______ .' | | _ |======| _ | |(_)|======|(_)| |___|======|___| [______________] |##| |##| jrei '""' '"" >Stuck Under A Bridge A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and, as might be expected, he gets stuck under it. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." -<>- The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk" The wasted wino asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?" "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the officer. "Let's go." Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was a cripple." -<>- .__ _..._ /,-./'.--. ``\. /|/.--./`.o/ /`;\\ |||\ _ `-'_` o|/|| ||\\`.`.__`Y8P_,\|| \\|| `"\"""/---'|| \\| ,-' `.||// \(-'_ `. ,-' [_] .-. \ ; `\| ||-'/ ` \ \ /`""-.`\ | ; | `.-|\_/ | ; ' | \-._ / | | / |`--'| : ;_\_ /| |/ /\|, ) __..; `----' :`.`|/ / / | | ; .' `\' ; \/ : _ : : / / : : _.'`.__.' | fsc \ _.' \ / | | / `---.._ | `\ `.____ \ / | `------' \__|_,' The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture." The man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked. "My wife." said the man. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit Silly Vegetables! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/veggies.html Playing With Food 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/food5.html Veggie Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/veggie.html Home, James! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/homejames.html Johan's Noah's Ark http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/noahsark.html Pet Helpers! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pethelpers.html Over The Limit! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/overthelimit.html Sand Sculpture Art 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandart4.html Identity Theft 6! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/identitytheft6.html WaterCar's Panther http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/panther.html Dog-Tired Dogs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogtired.html Life's Little Oops 14! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops14.html Ostional Sea Turtles http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seaturtle.html Humor With Cooking! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cookinghumor.html Jaw-Dropping Things! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rarethings.html Ricochet's Soul Vision http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ricochetvision.html Trucks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trucks.html -<>- JOHNNY CARSON INTERVIEW TIM CONWAY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6efjXwa8Fxg Frank Sinatra is Surprised by Don Rickles on Johnny Carson's Show https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5_V9RT8aR8 Clint Eastwood funny story about Richard Harris Unforgiven https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tCI0oAAKme4 Elvis can't stop laughing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoqVFEE1UBY Jerry Lewis - Pantomime Conducting & The Typewriter 1973 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5LyQL5TCreo Laurel & Hardy Attend Prison-School https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uSsqU_3_rH0 -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) "The Land That Made Me Me" is a funny song about times long ago and far away that some will recall. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J55S38xwxnQ Seinfeld - Best Bloopers & Outtakes. In this episode of "Bloopers Are The Best" we feature the funniest bloopers and outtakes from "Seinfeld" featuring: Jerry Seinfeld, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis- Drefus, and Michael Richards. https://youtu.be/5iEeCU4Yx00 --- ...Always good for laughs! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Researchers are developing a stay-sober pill that will prevent you from getting drunk off of alcohol. It's perfect for the drinker who wants all the calories of alcohol but none of the fun." -Conan O'Brien "A British tech company has debuted new technology that lets clothing store mannequins talk about the outfit they are displaying. Said the inventor, 'The idea came to me in a nightmare.'" -Seth Meyers "A judge in New Jersey ruled that women can keep their husbands and boyfriends out of the delivery room while they are in labor. When asked if they'd mind leaving the room, the husbands and boyfriends were already gone." -Jimmy Fallon "Walmart is offering a new service where employees will deliver items to your house on their way home from work. Not only that - they'll also deliver the items in a Target bag so your neighbors think you're classy." -Jimmy Fallon "According to The New York Times, one of the biggest doping scandals in the history of track and field is coming to light. It involves Russian athletes in the sport of race- walking - or as it's known to the billions of people who do it every day, 'hurrying up.'" -James Corden "A boy in Maryland this weekend was trapped in an arcade claw machine after climbing through the prize door. Luckily, rescuers were able to get him out after about 35 quarters." -Seth Meyers "A new study from Harvard says you can reduce the risk of a potentially fatal heart condition by eating six bars of chocolate a week. Yeah. It reduces the chance of a heart attack because once you give up being in shape, you have way less stress." -James Corden "A new report recommends that couples who live together should do chores together. And for some couples, every- thing they do together is a chore." -Seth Meyers "There are now 20 million people in America who do yoga. And none of whom ever shut up about the fact that they do yoga." -Jimmy Fallon (On the difference between men and women) On the one hand, we'll never experience childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars. -- Bruce Willis And God said: 'Let there be Satan, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be lawyers, so people don't blame everything on Satan. -- George Burns >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************