What Is Amore And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press This first hot tottie is from our friend Genianan. A wonderful inspiration I couldn't resist sharing with you. Give it time to load and check it out here... _____ / \/_ //\__(\_\ |\ ^ ^ | .//_O \O_ \ \_ (_) / \ \_/ / __/\ /\__ / \ \ / / \ / \/\/\/ \ / | . | \ / | . | \ JRO That's God! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thatsgod.html --- ...So beautiful! Thank You Geniann! This next too hot to handle one is from our friend Bunni. I just never tire of these - they super amaze me! Again give this one time to load and check it out here... |\ ___ | ) / '-. ||.+ L (__ \ || '-.\ ___)a \__ \ || `-. /.__ J__//--. |J `-. |_ '-._ \ _.------. | L ` L__. _/`----.____ / b a (__c> |J \ __,-_____ __._>\__/ ( c " h\ L L \ ./--+///___)_.--' /\ -. \ d e f g / J J | \\__// `--(_.( `--.....-' | \ J )_ _,- \__ \ `--' L | L ` )-)_/ \_._..--''-..) J | | \ [_._._,.. _] | | | ,,' _/ ( __ | _ | J ,' \ _________ / \ \ | _______a:f____ | J_.L_.' \ / _\_/\ ( L | \ / _| / \_ F J J ( (_ L `-. / L \ \__. `. \__ \ / J ^ \ ) \____ \ / L .---.-)_ _/ ) \ /_ | ( `-' \__/. L__\_\ | `-.__.--.___) --- / (_/ J |_ ( .-' --- `---' Chalk Art 7! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chalkart7.html --- ...Aww, so delightful! Love these! Thank you Bunni! -<>- ()_()()_() / ..)(.. \ __/ ( || ) \_ (_/ * * (_) | | | || | | | \_/| \__/ | | > \ / <__,--,__|/|_> unknown *~* We Had An Awesome WONDERFUL Month Of Caring And Sharing! * Please Be Sure To Share And Visit Each Of These... Funny Animal Facts! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/zoo2.html Animal Moms 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalmoms2.html Detroit Steel! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/detroitsteel.html Artistic Coffee Mugs! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/coffeemugs.html Rarely Seen Things! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rarelyseen.html Rarely Seen Things 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rarelyseen2.html Old US Cities! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/uscities.html Kodachrome Photos from 1942/43! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/kodachrome1942.html Camel Hair Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/camelhair.html ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Boy That Deer Can Kick! . _, |`\__/ / \ . .( | __T| / | _.---=======' | What do you call a deer that can kick // {} a ball with his left and right feet? `| , , {} \ /___; ,' ) ,-;` `\ // | / ( ;|| ||`\\ ||| bambidextrus || \\ ||| jgs )\ )\ )|| `" `" `"" _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) Rules for Writers: Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read. Don't use no double negatives. Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never where it isn't. Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed. No sentence fragments. Avoid commas, that are unnecessary. Eschew dialect, irregardless. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. Hyphenate between sy-llables and avoid un-necessary hyphens. Write all adverbial forms correct. Don't use contractions in formal writing. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided. It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms. Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies. If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole. Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration. Don't string too many prepositional phrases together unless you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death. "Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ June 3 is Repeat Day June 4 is Old Maid's Day June 5 is Festival Of Popular Delusions Day June 6 is Teacher's Day and National Applesauce Cake Day June 7 is National Chocolate Ice Cream Day June 8 is Name Your Poison Day June 9 is Donald Duck Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: B A T S M I L E S ! ! ..oo$00ooo.. ..ooo00$oo.. .o$$$$$$$$$' '$$$$$$$$$o. .o$$$$$$$$$" . . "$$$$$$$$$o. .o$$$$$$$$$$~ /$ $\ ~$$$$$$$$$$o. .{$$$$$$$$$$$. $\___/$ .$$$$$$$$$$$}. o$$$$$$$$$$$$8 .$$$$$$$. 8$$$$$$$$$$$$o $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ o$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. o$$$$$$$o .$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$o $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. o{$$$$$$$}o .$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ ^$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. J$$$$$$$$$$$L .$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$^ !$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$oo..oo$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$oo..oo$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$! {$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$} 6$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$? '$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$' o$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$o $$$$$$$$$$$$$$;'~`^Y$$$7^''o$$$$$$$$$$$o''^Y$$$7^`~';$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ '$$$$$$$$$$$' `$' `'$$$$$$$$$' `$' '$$$$$$$$$$$$' !$$$$$$$$$7 ! '$$$$$$$' ! V$$$$$$$$$! ^o$$$$$$! '$$$$$' !$$$$$$o^ ^$$$$$" $$$$$ "$$$$$^ 'o$$$` ^$$$' '$$$o' ~$$$. $$$. .$$$~ '$;. `$' .;$' '. ! .` unknown >Anniversary Both of my parents work and lead very hectic lives. So my father was bound to forget their wedding anniversary. Remembering at the last minute, he sped to the stationery store, flew through the door, and breathlessly asked the salesclerk, "Where are the anniversary cards?" To his surprise, he heard my mother call out, "Over here, Bill." -<>- >Beeping Our power went out during a severe windstorm and the smoke alarm started to beep. The noise was so annoying I just couldn't stand it. Home alone, I climbed up on a chair and using a kitchen knife, I took the alarm apart. Very pleased with myself, I was puzzled to hear the annoying beeping again. When my husband came home, I explained this strange situation. He looked at the wall, then back to me and said, "Well, I don't know about the smoke alarm, but you've managed to take the doorbell apart." -<>- >Cruise Miriam had never been on a cruise before. One day, she meets her friend Lucy and they stop for a chat. "So where are you and Sam going for your holidays this year?" asks Lucy. "I'd like to try out a cruise," replies Miriam, "but I'm not sure whether Sam and I would enjoy ourselves. We're almost 80 now and Sam thinks cruising is for younger people." "No, you're wrong in thinking that, Miriam," replies Lucy. "Most cruise ships have special design features just for senior citizens." "So give me an example, please," says Miriam. -<>- >Horseshoe One day a cowboy walked into a blacksmith shop and picked up a horseshoe, not realizing that it had recently come out of the forge. He immediately dropped it and jammed his hand into his pocket, trying to act as if nothing had happened. The blacksmith noticed and asked with a grin, "Kind of hot, wasn't it?" "Nope," answered the cowboy through clenched teeth, "it just doesn't take me long to look at a horseshoe." -<>- >Sunroom A husband and wife were building a sunroom to accommodate their new hot tub. The project soon turned into a money pit. During one of their numerous trips to the hardware store, the husband inquired about exhaust fans. The store clerk looked them up on the computer and praised one fan in particular because it was exceptionally quiet. The husband asked for the price. After receiving the answer, he sighed and asked, "Do you have anything louder?" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) >Funnies To Make You ... clap clap Clap clap clap clap clap clap Clap clap clap clap clap , clap clap clap Clap clap clap . \ ` Clap \ ( (\ ) / ` ` / _\ , \(") ___ .- )=| (` ') ' _ /'| |-n___n ' (/\| a:f____________|_L___J__ < L _______________________ After years of scrimping and saving, a husband told his wife the good news: "Honey, we've finally saved enough money to buy what we started saving for in 1979." "You mean a brand-new Cadillac?" she asked eagerly. "No," said the husband, "a 1979 Cadillac." -------- "I don't make jokes, "Will Rogers once said truthfully. "I just watch the government and report the facts." -------- The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received a visit from one of her fellow church members. "How are you feeling?" the visitor asked. "Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!" "What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked. "You look like you're in good health. They are taking care of you, aren't they?" "Yes, they are taking very good care of me." "Are you in any pain?" she asked. "No, I have never had a pain in my life." "Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again. The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all wondering where I went." --------- A little girl was fascinated when her grandfather took out his false teeth and began brushing them. She asked him to remove his teeth again. She stood there amazed, then demanded, 'Now, take off your nose.' --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) _ (-) _( )_ (_`/._) VK Confucius Say: It's OK to let a fool kiss you; but don't let a kiss fool you. Confucius Say: A kiss is just shopping upstairs for downstairs merchandise. Confucius Say: It is better to lose a lover than love a loser. Confucius Say: Man with a broken condom is called a Daddy. Confucius Say: Man who mix Viagra and Ex-Lax doesn't know if he's coming or going. Confucius Say: A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Confucius Say: Marriage is like a bank account. You put it in, you take it out, and you lose interest. Confucius Say: Viagra is like Disneyland ... a one-hour wait for a 2-minute ride. Confucius Say: It is much better to want the mate you do not have than to have the mate you do not want Confucius Say: A joke is like sex. Neither is any good if you don't get it. --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) ............. .... .... .. .. .. .. . ___ ___ . . / , \ / , \ . . \___/ \___/ . .. . .. . .. O . . | | . . \ / . . \ / . .. \______________/ .. .. \_____\ \ \/ .. .... | \ |.... ...... | | | Derek S. Tan \___/ >Weekend Trip A five year old boy went for a weekend trip with his grandparents. On the way home, they stopped at a country restaurant for lunch. The little boy left the table to use the restroom by him- self. A moment later he returned with a confused look on his face. He says, "Grandpa, am I a rooster or a hen?" ----- Weekend Passes Although I knew our commanding officer hated doling out weekend passes, I thought I had a good reason. "My wife is pregnant and I want to be with her," I told the C.O. Much to my surprise he said, "Permission granted." Inspired by my success, a fellow soldier also requested a weekend pass. His wife wasn't pregnant, so when the C.O. asked why he should grant him permission, my friend re-sponded, "My wife is getting pregnant this weekend and I want to be with her." ----- Leaning Left I have this friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time. It used to bother me, so I suggested he see a doctor, and have his legs checked out. For years, he refused... told me I was crazy. But last week, he finally went, and sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was 1/4 of an inch shorter than his right. A quick bit of orthopedic surgery later, he was cured, and both legs are exactly the same length now, and he no longer leans. "So," I said, "You didn't believe me when I told you a doctor could fix your leg." He just looked at me and said, "I stand corrected." ----- Where is Jesus? A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real. He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He's in our bathroom!!!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this. Little Johnny said, "Well...every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Good Lord, are you still in there?!" ----- Reverse Polygamy A little boy was attending his first wedding. After the service, his cousin asked him, "How many women can a man marry?" "Sixteen," the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly. "How do you know that?" "Easy," the little boy said. "All you have to do is add it up, like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer" ----- Wedding and Golf? The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side. She said, "What are your golf clubs doing here?" He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?" --- ...TeeHee! Good Ones! Thanks Bunni! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: When I first started looking at the news this morning I was going to tell you about a couple who are planning to deliver their baby in a dolphin tank (with a live dolphin in it) in Hawaii, but then I saw a story about how Chinese emergency workers delivered a baby from a toilet drain! That's got dolphin-assisted birth beat by a mile. Of course, the toilet drain birth wasn't planned. In fact, police said they are treating the case as an attempted homicide. Really, it is a tragedy and a miracle all-in-one. The infant was heard crying in a section of the pipe directly beneath a toilet in a residential building in the wealthy coastal province of Zhejiang. Rescuers had to saw off a section of pipe along a ceiling, then rushed that section of pipe to a hospital where fire- fighters and medics alternately used pliers and saws to rip apart the pipe and free the baby. The little boy was in critical condition, but has since been stabilized. While the young, single mother has been found and brought to the hospital, no motive has yet been released for why she would abandon the baby. There is a good chance she will not keep the child, as several offers to adopt it have already been expressed...not to mention that she tried to flush it down a toilet in the first place. In Chinese tradition the infant has been given the affectionate moniker Baby No. 59. -<^^>- When I hear the term "bucket list" I think of things like skydiving or visiting Japan or sailing across the Atlantic. But these two women had slightly less ambitious goals. Two longtime friends ended up in jail in central Florida thanks to a "bucket list" that included stealing from a store. Police say 36-year-old Andrea Mobley and 38-year-old Jennifer Morrow face petty theft charges after stealing bathing suits and beef jerky during a trip to Wal-Mart. A loss prevention officer told police Mobley was eating beef jerky in the store and Morrow concealed items inside her purse. They were detained after taking the items from the store without paying. The women told police they hadn't seen each other in years and stealing from a retail store was on the "bucket list." Mobley said they were just "two stupid women" doing some- thing they'd never done before. She added she's ashamed. If she wants to do something she's never done before and feel ashamed about it I'm sure I could think of something that doesn't involve petty larceny. *-- Grandmother arrested after police find drugs in wheelchair --* NEW YORK - A 58-year-old Boston grandmother has been arrested for allegedly attempting to smuggle drugs into the United States in her wheelchair, New York officials say. Federal officers stopped Fior Daliza Garcia after her JetBlue flight from the Dominican Republic landed at John F. Kennedy International Airport, the New York Daily News reported Thursday. Customs and Border Protection officers said Garcia appeared nervous during a check Wednesday and her wheelchair appeared "unusually heavy and flimsy." An inspection found heroin and cocaine hidden in the "body" of the wheelchair. Officers said Garcia told them she was going to be paid $12,000 to smuggle the drugs. *-- Boy finds $10,000 in hotel room drawer --* KANSAS CITY, Mo. - Staying in a Kansas City, Mo., hotel, Tyler Schaefer, 10, opened a drawer in his hotel room and found $10,000, he said. "He looks for stuff at random. He's very observant," his father, Cody Schaefer, said. After the two checked into the room Saturday, Tyler methodically began opening drawers and found the neatly stacked cash. "We need to call the cops," the father told the son. They found two off-duty police officers, working at the hotel, who summoned Sgt. Randy Francis, a property and evidence supervisor, who stored the cash at a police facility, the Kansas City Star, reported Friday. Missouri law says lost money can revert to the finder after about seven months. Cody Schaefer lives in South Dakota and meets his ex-wife annually in Kansas City, a central meeting point between their homes, to provide their three children a summer vacation, the newspaper said. He said he told several friends and relatives about his son's find, and most agreed his son did the right thing. "I didn't come there with $10,000 and I didn't leave with $10,000, so it was a wash," he said. *-- N.Y. man files 122 federal tax returns in dead people's names --* BUFFALO, N.Y. - A 42-year-old New York state man has admitted trying to scam the Internal Revenue Service out of $217,520 in refunds he sought in the names of 122 dead people. The U.S. attorney's office said in a release John M. Berry Jr. of Dunkirk, pleaded guilty Tuesday in U.S. District Court in Buffalo to making a false claim against the United States. The charge carries a maximum sentence of five years in prison, a fine of $250,000 or both. Assistant U.S. Attorney Aaron J. Mango, who is handling the case, said between Sept. 3, 2008, and March 25, 2009, Berry filed 122 false income tax returns for the tax years 2007 and 2008 with the IRS. During that time, Berry obtained the personal and identifying information for 122 recently deceased individuals and then used that information to file federal tax returns. The defendant created fraudulent income and withholding information for the dead taxpayers and filed the returns electronically, Mango said. The 122 tax returns sought refunds totaling $217,520 from the IRS, of which the defendant received $92,462.12. The refunds were deposited directly into Berry's bank account, Mango said. "This case should serve as a warning that our office, working with our law enforce- ment partners, will not tolerate attempts to either steal the identities of individuals, or the money of the tax- payers of this country," U.S. Attorney William J. Hochul Jr. "That this defendant would rob the identities of deceased individuals is concerning, and could have brought additional grief and pain for their loved ones." Sentencing is scheduled for Aug. 26. *-- Teen mugger demands $1 bills from victims --* NEW YORK - New York police said they have arrested a pint-sized 15-year-old who younger boys said mugged them, demanding $1 bills. The suspect allegedly approached younger boys in the Carroll Gardens section of Brooklyn and asked for $1. If the boys refused, the teen would brandish a razor blade to demand a dollar be handed over, the New York Post reported Saturday. Police said most of the alleged attempted muggings were unsuccessful. The teen allegedly made off with $12 in one incident, while a boy turned over his wallet in another. The suspect was apprehended at the Carroll Street subway station and the victims identified him at the police station. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) ___ ,-'" "`-. ,'_ `. / / \ ,- \ __ | \_0 --- | / | | | \ \ `--.______,-/ | ___) \ ,--"" ,/ | / _ \ \-_____,- / \__-/ \ | `. ,' \___/ < ´--------' \__/\ | Wny \__// >The Woman Marine Pilot The teacher gave her fifth-grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved. But then the teacher realized, much to her dismay, that she had missed Janie. Janie, do you have a story to share?' ''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands. ''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story? "Stay away from Mommy when she's been drinking." --- ...LOL! Darn-tootin'! Thanks Linda! -<>- There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life…. getting back up is living. Support our Troops Happy are they who take life day by day, complain very little, and are thankful for the little things in life. --- ...Good advice! Thanks Linda! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ..::''''::.. .:::. .;'' ``;. .... ::::: :: :: :: :: ,;' .;: () ..: `:::' :: :: :: :: ::. ..:,:;.,:;. . :: .::::. `:' :: .:' :: :: `:. :: '''::, :: :: :: `:: :: ;: .:: : :: : : :: ,:'; ::; :: :: :: :: :: ::,::''. . :: `:. .:' :: `:,,,,;;' ,;; ,;;, ;;, ,;;, ,;;, `:,,,,:' :;: `;..``::::''..;' ``::,,,,::'' Our parish priest was making a visit to my nephew's home. He knocked on the door, and the little 4-year-old boy went to the door and way the priest. He called to his dad, "Hey, Dad! That guy that works for God is here!" -<>- My mother, my son (who is now three years old) and I were in a local department store. My son brought along his toy soldier doll. He ended up leaving the toy in my mother's cart, but I didn't know this at the time and I asked him, "Honey, where is your little man?" He looked very confused, touched the front of his pants and said, with utmost sincerity, "It's right here, Mom!" I was floored, although everyone else in the store seemed to be very amused! [This reader wisely declined to include a name at the end of her email.] -<>- A man was trying to pull out of a parking place, and bashed the bumper of the parked car in front of him. Witnessed by a handful of pedestrians waiting for a bus, the driver got out, inspected the damage, and proceeded to write a note to leave on the windshield of the car he had hit. The note read: "Hello. I have just hit your car, and there are some people here watching me who think that I am writing this note to leave you my name and phone number. You should be so lucky!" -<>- I'm not saying our new receptionist is dumb, but this is how she filled out her insurance forms: Date of Birth: January 12, 1978 Weight: 6 pounds, 10 ounces Height: 20 inches -<>- Working for a Judge in a common pleas court, I saw many criminal defendants. One man facing drug charges proved unusually helpful. To determine the exact quantity of the illegal substance allegedly sold, the judge asked the prosecutor how many grams there are in an ounce. As both attorneys checked their notes, the defendant, who had not yet entered his plea, proudly announced, "There are 28.3 grams in an ounce, your honor." His attorney advised him to plead guilty. -<>- While attending a marriage seminar on communication, David and his wife listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favourite flower?" David leaned over, touched his wife's arm and whispered, "Pillsbury All-purpose, isn't it?" ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps :) HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH'H`HHHHH'H`HHHHHHHH HHHHHbodHHHHHbodHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHH'`HHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHooHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHP`HHHHHH'`HHHHHHHH HHHHHHb """" dHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHboooooodHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH Krogg ** Andy Says... Just Think About This! ** ** A guest is like rain: when he lingers on, he becomes a nuisance. ~~ Yiddish Proverb ** The road to success is always under construction. -- Unknown ** "Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much." ~~ -Helen Keller ** "Nobody does it alone." -- Brian Tracy ** "Ah, but a man's reach should exceed in grasp, or what's a heaven for?" -- Robert Browning ** Children have more need of great models than of critics. ** Where there is no fear, there is no need of courage. ** "There has never been a smoke detector as efficient as the mother of a 14 year old with his/her first cigarette." ** "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." -- Theodore Roosevelt ** "When you focus on what might have been, it gets in the way of what can be." -- Patricia Fripp ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** So Thoughtful, You Are ** Friends and I were chatting over dinner in a restaurant. A man at the next table told his cell-phone caller to hold on. Then he stepped outside to talk. When he returned, I said, "That was very thoughtful." "I had no choice," he nodded and said to me. "You were making too much noise." ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** GRANDMOTHER ** (Andy says.. and be honest, how many of you grandmothers can relate to this, eh?) As a new grandmother, I am very protective of my daughter Meredith's baby girl. One cool afternoon I dropped by to see my grandchild. Meredith and a friend had taken little Allison for a walk in her stroller and were just coming up the street. As soon as they reached me, I bent down to admire Allison and, in my fussiest voice, remarked, "Your little head is cold. You should have a hat on." My daughter looked knowingly at her friend and said, "You owe me ten bucks." ++++++++++++++++++++++++++ .-'\ .-' `/\ .-' `/\ \ `/\ \ `/\ \ _- `/\ _.--. \ _- `/`-..--\ ) \ _- `,',' / ,') `-_ - ` -- ~ ,',' `- ,',' \,--. ____==-~ \ \_-~\ `_-~_.-' _ Seal _ \-~ ** Winter Weather... Unfortunately ** A teacher was helping one of her kindergarten students put his boots on. He asked for help and she could see why. Even with her pulling and pushing the boots just didn't want to go on. By the time she'd got the second boot on, she'd worked up a sweat. That's when the little boy said, "Mrs. Smith, they're on the wrong feet." She looked, and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier getting them back off and re-put on the correct feet. That's when the little boy said, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue (who wants to swear at a 5 year old boy?) and managed to keep her cool as together they worked 'em back off. He said, "They're my brother's. My mom made me wear them." Mrs. Smith didn't know whether to laugh or cry. But she mustered up the courage one more time to wrestle those boots on his feet again. "Now," she said, "where are your mittens?" "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots." ~~~ Shall we start all over again??? ROFLOL ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** Gettin' Rid of the Cat ** A man who absolutely hated his wife's cat decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and the same thing happend again. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! He kept taking the cat further and further and the dad gum cat would always beat him home. At last, he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later, the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes", the wife answers..."why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that cat on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!" +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 8a . `. _ ___________ s, _____ /_/ ____________________a:f____ .Jktbc._ _ ./ xft#kTJ: _. (_)/) -._ cf8#6C. , ( ( ,-' ) ` `"P:'. '-._\_\___.---' ** The Pit ** A man fell into a pit and couldn't get himself out. A subjective person came along and said, "I feel for you down there." An objective person walked by and said, "It's logical that someone would fall down there." A Pharisee said, "Only bad people fall into pits." A mathematician calculated how he fell into the pit. A news reporter wanted the exclusive story on the pit. An IRS agent asked if he was paying taxes on the pit. A self-pitying person said, "You haven't seen anything until you've seem my pit." A fire-and-brimstone preacher said, "You deserve your pit." A Christian Scientist observed, "The pit is just in your mind." A psychologist noted, "Your mother and father are to blame for your being in that pit." A self-esteem therapist said, "Believe in yourself and you can get out of that pit." An optimist said, "Things could be worse." A pessimist claimed, "Things will get worse." A Good Samaritan, seeing the man, took him by the hand and lifted him out of the pit. ~ Author Unknown ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** Playing Husband and Wife ** Two little children, a boy and a girl, walked hand-in-hand to a neighbor's house. The little girl stood on her tiptoes and was just able to reach the doorbell. Then, an elderly lady greeted them at the front door. "Good morning, children," she said. "What can I do for you?" "We're playing house," the little girl answered. "This is my husband and I'm his wife. Can we come in?" Thoroughly enchanted by the scene confronting her, the elderly lady replied, "By all means, do come in." Once inside, she offered the children lemonade and cookies, which they graciously accepted. When a second tall glass of lemonade was offered, the little girl remarked, "No thank you. We have to go now. My husband just wet his pants." +++++++++++++++++++++++++ _ ///-._ ////////-._ /////////////-. ////////////////`. //////////////// .'`. //////////////// . '.'`. '|`'//////////// . .'.::|` : `'/////// . '.':| | . . `'// ' _|- ::| |. .-._ . | . | .':: | |:|:| | ' ' '.::| | |:|:| :. . .'.':| | . |:|:| . | .._.::: : `':| | ' ////-:| |. . | '/////////-._ | . . : .//////////////-._ : : ///////////////////-._ |. |////////////////////////-._ | . . :`'//////////////////////////-._ | . _.-\\\\``'//////////////////////////-._ | /\\\\\\\\..``'//////////////////////////". : . . /. \\\\\\\\\. .``'///////////////////// .'`. : / _ \\\\\\\\\. ``'//////////////// . .'`. | . / (@) \\\\\\\\\. . . ``'/////////// . '.'::|. {`)._ '| _` .\\\\\\\-`:|#| . . ``'////// '. .'.:| `-{_/`| ||::. \\'`.:|:.|#| |#| . ``'/ ' .##:'::: `-| ||||| |`.'::|::|#| |#| |#| . . '| . .|##|'.:| pils | ||||| : .'::|:.'#| |#| |#| |#| | |##|'::| | ||||| .| .'.:|::.'' '#| |#| |#| . : ' |##|'.:| {`\:|||| : .'::|:_.:. . '#| |#| | .|##|'::: `-{_/'|_ |_.-'/}_/'-._ '#| :. |##:'.:| `'{._('}_)-' `-}_}(-._ . . | ' '` .'::| `-' `-.} /-._ . : .'.'_:-'\ `-}_}(-._ | . _.-')_(-' `-/_)`-.:.-{ \{-' `-{_'_)-'' ^ ** BIBLICAL BLOOPERS ** Here are Biblical bloopers from Sunday school students: *** FROM THE OLD TESTAMENT ** In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, the Lord got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off. ** Adam & Eve were created from an apple tree. ** Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. ** Noah built the ark and the animals came on in pears. ** Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. ** The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals. ** Sampson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a jezebel like Delilah. ** Sampson slated the Philistines with the axe of apostles. ** Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients. ** Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments. ** The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. ** The Fifth Commandment is humor thy mother and father. ** The Seventh Commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. ** Moses died before he ever reached the UK. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol. ** The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him ** David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in the biblical times. ** Solomon, one of David's sons, has 300 wives and 700 porcupines. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** And... FROM THE NEW TESTAMENT ** ** When the three wise guys from the East Side arrived, they found Jesus- in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an emaculate contraption. ** St. John, the Blacksmith, dumped water on his head. ** Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before- they do one to you. He also explained, "Man doth not live by sweat alone." ** It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. ** The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. ** A Christian should have only one wife. This is called monotony. ** The epistles were the wives of the apostles. ** One of the opossums was St. Matthew, who was by profession a taximan. ** When Mary heard that she was the Mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. ** St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. +++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** No Appointment Needed ** I wanted a haircut and phoned a salon early for an appoint- ment but was told customers were taken on a walk-in basis only. On Saturday I got there by 9 a.m and there were already ten people waiting. I drove to another salon, but it was booked solid. Still another had no openings. The situation seemed hopeless, so I went home. My husband greeted me at the door. "That was fast," he said cheerfully. "Your hair looks great!" +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** Making A Difference ** ~~~~~~(Andy Says... Don't wait too long to "Make A Diference".) Joe had asked Bob to help him out with the deck after work, so Bob went straight over to Joe's place. When they got to the door, Joe went straight to his wife, gave her a hug and told her how beautiful she was and how much he had missed her at work. When it was time for supper, he complimented his wife on her cooking, kissed her and told her how much he loved her. Once they were working on the deck, Bob told Joe that he was surprised that he fussed so much over his wife. Joe said that he'd started this about 6 months ago, it had revived their marriage and things couldn't be better. Bob thought he'd give it a go. When he got home, he gave his wife a massive hug, kissed her and told her that he loved her. His wife burst into tears. Bob was confused and asked why she was crying. She said, "This is the worst day of my life. First, little Billy fell off his bike and twisted his ankle. Then, the washing machine broke and flooded the basement. And now, you come home drunk!" +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ ** A Really, Really, Really Fast Service Call ** Soon after our high-tech company moved into a new building, we had trouble with the elevators. A manager got stuck between floors and, after some door banging, finally attracted attention. His name was taken and rescue promised. It took two hours before the elevator mechanic arrived and got the manager out. When he returned to his desk, he found this note from his efficient secretary: "The elevator people called and will be here in two hours." +++++++++++++++++++++++++ {} {} ! ! II II ! ! ! I__I__II II__I__I ! I_/|--|--|| ||--|--|\_I .-'"'-. ! /|_/| | || || | |\_|\ ! .-'"'-. /=== \ I//| | | || || | | |\\I /=== \ \== / ! /|/ | | | || || | | | \|\ ! \== / \__ _/ I//| | | | || || | | | |\\I \__ _/ _} {_ ! /|/ | | | | || || | | | | \|\ ! _} {_ {_____} I//| | | | | || || | | | | |\\I {_____} ! ! |= |=/|/ | | | | | || || | | | | | \|\=|- | ! ! _I__I__|= ||/| | | | | | || || | | | | | |\|| |__I__I_ -|--|--|- || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||= |--|--|- _|__|__| ||_|__|__|__|__|__|__|| ||__|__|__|__|__|__|_||- |__|__|_ -|--|--| ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|| ||--|--|--|--|--|--|-|| |--|--|- | | |= || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||= | | | | | |- || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||= | | | | | |= || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||- | | | _|__|__| || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||= |__|__|_ -|--|--|= || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | || |--|--|- _|__|__| ||_|__|__|__|__|__|__|| ||__|__|__|__|__|__|_||- |__|__|_ -|--|--|= ||-|--|--|--|--|--|--|| ||--|--|--|--|--|--|-||= |--|--|- jgs | |- || | | | | | | || || | | | | | | ||- | | | ~~~~~~~~~~~~^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^~~~~~~~~~~~ ** Playing Game With St. Peter ** There is a knock on St. Peter's door. He looks out and a man is standing there. St. Peter is about to begin his interview when the man disappears. A short time later there's another knock. St. Peter gets the door, sees the man, opens his mouth to speak, and the man disappears once again. "Hey, are you playing games with me?" St. Peter calls after him. "No," the man's distant voice replies anxiously. "They're trying to resuscitate me." ============================================================ _....._ /::::::.\ /xx::::::.\ |#xx|n|:xx| \##x/xxxx#/ | |\-.-.|\#/#####/ | . |.-,-/| /\__V_\'|B""""|\-.-|| :o. /_v_=\ \ \ /, |0| o,o|/ / /==o=|\ \ \|o.- |0|_.O-- |||\_|=_=/]/ ||o.o|| \[\_v_|.-'\.' |(_)=)-=== \]=-=|/ | @ \-' \ '=: \V| m|--e-+------ |=O==| '._|=._\| |\_\_v_E)| '/\ '/==..__ / |//'. | |=>o<=| |-\"\ /-=/ '. | './-\_/-\ |_o| '.___.' _/._/ |-|_ _|._/ \_.| \_/\ /:__o| |o_:\ /:_o| |o_:. /:_o| l42 >-->What is amore? When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore. When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray. When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores. When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay. When Othello's poor wife, Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh? When your sheep go to graze, In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh? When you ace your last tests, Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s! A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey. When your chocolate graham, Is with marshmallows crammed, That s'more, eh. When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh? ======================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit Graffiti Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/graffiti.html Proud Of Our Troops 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops3.html Spring In The Netherlands! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/netherlands.html When Artists Get Bored http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/abored.html Relics From the Past! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/relics.html Enter At Your Own Risk! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/risky.html Chevy: American Pride! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevypride.html High Tech Toys! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/techtoys.html Chainsaw Wood Carving http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcarving.html -<>- >From our Friend LouiseA :) Escherian Stairwell This unbelievable video had me going for a second, but I spotted the trick! See if you can figure out how they made the Penrose stairs. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=iBY4HaAngaA --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Pro-Life Zone - Virtuous Planet http://www.virtuousplanet.com/prolifezone Please Do Feed the Animals - Sorting Games 1 - Animal Games http://switchzoo.com/games/pleasedofeedtheanimals.htm Colorblind Homepage http://www.colorvisiontesting.com/ Cell Phones In Church - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/embed/D2_c81Nnsc0 Sommerrodelbahn im Stubaital - Mountain Coaster http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kjw5GhyZUu0 --- ...YoHoHo! Fun! Cool Links! Thanks Melody! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "They are now reporting that the Grand Canyon is having a financial crisis. They say there might not be enough money to keep it going. How did the Grand Canyon make it this far?" --Jay Leno "Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself." --A.H. Weiler "The older I grow, the less important the comma becomes. Let the reader catch his own breath." --Elizabeth Clarkson Zwart "According to the latest Gallup Poll, one-quarter of Americans are bilingual; the other three-quarters don't speak any English at all." --Jay Leno "A New York fitness expert has released an exercise book for nuns called, "Changing Habits: The Sister's Workout." The Vatican rejected the original title, "Nuns of Steel."" --Conan O'Brien "I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up." --Tom Lehrer "My girlfriend is at that stage when her biological clock is telling her it's time for her to be making me feel guilty and immature." -Kevin Hench My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last night it took four state troopers and a dog. "I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought, what good would that do?" -Ronnie Shakes >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************