When I was A Kid And More... :) Shangy!
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Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
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you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
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================
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================
>-->In The "Shangy' News :)
I've been working more on my Animation Gallery. Now that most
of us have a faster internet to access images from, I've
decided to consolidate the Gallery by putting those animation
categories with 50 or more in them into a single page.
We now have a Betty Boop page available off the main Animation
Gallery directory here...
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html
I'll be doing this with others in the Gallery too. It will make
it easier to find what you are looking for and also make it
much easier for me to add to it.
-<>-
>HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
This too hot to handle page comes from our friend Linda.
This one really makes you stop and pause and wonder why
we don't do the same at our zoos. Check this one out
here...
Thailand's Tigers 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tiger2.html
---
...Such wonderfully beautiful creatures! Thanks Linda!
We should raise our big cats like that!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: What's Par On This Hole?
A golfer hit his drive on the first hole 300 yards right down the
middle. When it came down, however, it hit a sprinkler and the ball
went sideways into the woods. He was angry, but he went into the
woods and hit a very hard 2 iron which hit a tree and bounced back
straight at him, striking him in the temple and killing him.
At the Pearly Gates St. Peter looked in the big book and said...
_
"I see you were a golfer, *"_"*
is that correct?" __ /`_`\ __
.' '. | / \ | .' '.
"Yes, I am," he , / ')\^_^/(' \ ,
replied. \`--' . (_.> <._) . '--`/
'.__.' '._/ \_/ \_.' '.__.'
St Peter then said, / , _ , \
"Can you drive the ball \ \_/|\_/ /
a long distance?" \ //^\\ /
\/` `\/
The golfer replied, "You bet. | |
After all, I got here in 2, | |
didn't I?" | |
| |
.. ..:::.| | ..::::. ..
..::::..::::... .::::::::| |:::::::::::::::.
::::::::::::::::::.:::::::::::| |:::::::::::::::::.
':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::| |:::::::::::::::::::
::::::::::::::::::::::::::::| |::::::::::::::::::'
'':::' '::::::::::::::::\_.__./:::::::::::::::''
'':::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::'
jgs '::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::''
'':::::'' '''::::::''
=============================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
April 29 is National Shrimp Scampi Day
April 30 is National Honesty Day
May 1 is Mother Goose Day and Save The Rhino Day
May 2 is Fire Day
May 3 is Lumpy Rug Day
May 4 is National Candied Orange Peel Day
May 5 is National Hoagie Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
.---------------.
/ oLo \
O/_____/________/____\O
/__________+__________\
/ (#############) \
|[**](#############)[**]|
\_______________________/
|_""__|_,-----,_|__""_|
| | '-----' | | APC'97
'-' '-'
>Defensive Driving Course
One of my co-workers got a speeding ticket and was attending a
defensive-driving course to have points erased from her license. The
instructor, a police officer, emphasized that being on time was crucial
and that the classroom doors would be locked when each session began.
Just after one class started, someone knocked on the locked door. The
officer opened it and asked, "Why are you late?"
The student replied, "I was trying not to get another ticket."
The officer let him in.
-<>-
>Exercise
I'm so tired of exercising. I think five thousand sit-ups or jumping
jacks should be pretty much permanent. You should be at home, you're on
your last and final jumping jack, and you get that phone call,
"Congratulations! You have completed the exercise portion of your life.
Welcome to the incessant eating section."
-<>-
>Traveling Tip
Here's a little tip from me to you as an experienced traveler. Wake-up
calls are the worst way to wake up. The phone rings, it's loud and you
can't turn it down.
I leave the number of the room next to me.
It just rings very quietly and you hear the person next door yell, "Why
are you calling me?"
Then you get up and take a shower.
It's great.
-<>-
>Wrinkle Cream
The nine-year-old daughter walked in while her mother was getting ready
for work.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"Putting on my wrinkle cream," mom answered.
"Oh," she said, walking away. "I thought they were natural."
-<>-
>Yeah, That'll Work
This technician's company uses satellite communications to send and
receive messages from tugboats moving barges up and down major rivers.
Each day, by 2 p.m., the tugboats send data on the day's activities to
the company's traffic department.
At least that's how it's supposed to work.
"I got a call from our traffic department saying they only got data
from about half the boats, and would I check on it?" technician says.
He calls the satellite company, but the technician there says there's
no problem on his end.
Meanwhile, the traffic department calls again -- they're still not
getting messages from the missing boats.
"So I called the boats and got them to re-send the messages, and they
came through," says our tech. "The problem apparently cleared itself
up."
But he isn't quite satisfied. "I called the satellite company back to
see what happened, and what we could do if the problem recurred."
Satellite company's technician doesn't know what happened and doesn't
have any way of finding out. "In order to track the messages, we would
need an identification number from the message," he tells our tech.
We could find out those numbers eventually, he figures.
"Also, the identification numbers are recycled every half hour," tech
continues.
"So I need to get you the identification number within that time?" he
asks.
"Right", says the satellite tech.
"So to summarize," says our tech glumly, "we need to give you the
identification numbers of the messages we haven't received, within half
an hour of not receiving them?"
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseA :)
_
`o' _._(_(
' ` _|_(_(/|
(/_((_( /\
_ _ ___________ _ , -- . _ _______/}_((_(/__)_
`-. \`. ,-' .^. `-. ~ ~\\_______/
`'. `-.). /,-''"', `""``-.\ ~
`. `. : : / | : : ~ ~
`. ` ,,--'--..|_
.-""-. /, .' ,' """ ""--
-.__ \| - PGMG
>Funnies
There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspected his
sailors, and afterward told The first mate that his men smelled bad.
The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change
underwear occasionally. The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll
see to it immediately!" The first mate went straight to the sailors
berth deck and announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and
wants you to change your underwear." He continued, "Pittman, you change
with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change
with Schultz." THE MORAL OF THE STORY: Someone may come along and
promise "Change", But don't count on things smelling any better.
-----------
Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter
a double-Decker bus for a weekend Trip.
The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and The Blonde team
rode on the top level.
The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, Having a great time,
when one of them realized she Hadn't heard anything from the Blondes
upstairs.
She Decided to go up and investigate.
When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear,
staring straight ahead at the road, Clutching the seats in front of
them with white knuckles.
The brunette asked, 'What the heck's going on up here? We're having a
great time downstairs!'
One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard And whispered...
'YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!!'
------------
One evening a blonde went to seafood restaurant for dinner. When she
saw the tank where they kept the lobsters she asked a waiter, "Why are
those creatures in that tank?"
"They are the lobsters we serve our customers!" answered the waiter.
"You mean you're going to kill them," said the blonde.
"Absolutely," said the waiter.
The blonde was so upset that she immediately exited the restaurant,
drove to a nearby convenience store, purchased hefty bags and returned
to the restaurant to accomplish her covert mission.
Taking pity on the poor creatures, she waited until the moment was
right, and snatched all of the lobsters from the tank, threw them in
the bag, and hightailed it out of the restaurant.
Later she went to the woods to set the poor animals free!
-------------
A little boy was excited about his first day at school. So excited. in
fact, that only a few minutes after class started, he realized that he
desperately needed to go to the bathroom. So he raised his hand
politely to ask if he could be excused. Of course the teacher said yes,
but asked him to be quick.
Five minutes later he returned, looking more desperate and embarrassed.
"I can't find it", he admitted.
The teacher sat him down and drew him a little diagram to where he
should go and asked him if he will be able to find it now. The boy
looked at the diagram, said "yes" and goes on his way.
Five minutes later he returned to the class room and says to the
teacher "I can't find it.".
Frustrated, the teacher asked Jon, a boy who has been at the school for
awhile, to help him find the bathroom. So two fellas go together, and
five minutes later they both return and sit down at their seats. The
teacher asks Jon, "Well, did you find it?"
Jon is quick with his reply: "Oh sure, he just had his boxer shorts on
backwards"
-<>-
>Gun Control.
It has already started at Cabela's Sporting Goods Store.
There was a bit of confusion at the Cabela’s Sporting Goods store this
morning.
When I was ready to pay for my purchases of gun powder and bullets...
the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."
Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control
whackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed.
When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out
that she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the
card-reader.
I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little clearer !
I STILL DON'T THINK I LOOKED THAT BAD.
---
...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseA!
==============================================================
>-->From Our Friend Brenda :)
>Smiles...
_
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: `'/////// . '.':|
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|. .-._ . | . | .'::
| |:|:| | ' ' '.::|
| |:|:| :. . .'.':|
| . |:|:| . | .._.:::
: `':| | ' ////-:|
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: . . /. \\\\\\\\\. .``'///////////////////// .'`.
: / _ \\\\\\\\\. ``'//////////////// . .'`.
| . / (@) \\\\\\\\\. . . ``'/////////// . '.'::|.
{`)._ '| _` .\\\\\\\-`:|#| . . ``'////// '. .'.:|
`-{_/`| ||::. \\'`.:|:.|#| |#| . ``'/ ' .##:':::
`-| ||||| |`.'::|::|#| |#| |#| . . '| . .|##|'.:|
pils | ||||| : .'::|:.'#| |#| |#| |#| | |##|'::|
| ||||| .| .'.:|::.'' '#| |#| |#| . : ' |##|'.:|
{`\:|||| : .'::|:_.:. . '#| |#| | .|##|':::
`-{_/'|_ |_.-'/}_/'-._ '#| :. |##:'.:|
`'{._('}_)-' `-}_}(-._ . . | ' '` .'::|
`-' `-.} /-._ . : .'.'_:-'\
`-}_}(-._ | . _.-')_(-'
`-/_)`-.:.-{ \{-'
`-{_'_)-''
^
Where Are You From?
Suzi, my cousin, was telling me about an evening service at
the church we've both attended for years. She and her husband
usually sat in the back, but this time they moved up front to
be sure to hear the Scripture reading.
They sat beside a long-time church member who cheerfully said,
"Good to have ya with us! Where y'all from?"
Taken by surprise, Suzi mumbled, "The back."
-<>-
There was a bit of confusion at the Sporting Goods store this morning.
When I was ready to pay for my purchase of gun powder and bullets, the
Cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."
While making a mental note to complain to Harper about the gun registry
people running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the
Hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she
Was referring to my credit card.
I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
They need to be more clear with their instructions to Seniors!
-<>-
My wife, Julie, had been after me for several weeks to paint the seat
on our toilet.
Finally, I got around to doing it while Julie was out.
After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she
returned.
She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the
shower, she sat on the toilet.
As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy
paint had glued her to the toilet seat.
About that time, I got home and realized her predicament.
We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in
desperation, I undid the toilet seat bolts.
Julie wrapped a sheet around herself and I drove her to the hospital
emergency room.
The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free
her (Try to get a mental picture of this).
Julie tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well,
Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."
The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them...
I just never saw one mounted and framed."
---
...LOL! Thanks Brenda!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Johanna :)
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| __ __ _ _ \_ (_ . _/ _ ___ _____|
||~~|_|..|__| || |_ _ \ //\\ / |=|__|~|~|___| | | |
||--|+|^^|==|1||2| | |__/\ __ /\__| |==|x|x|+|+|=|=|=|
||__|_|__|__|_||_|_| / \ \ / / \_|__|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|
|_________________ _/ \/\/\/ \_ _______________|
| _____ _ __ |/ \../ \| __ __ ___|
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||______||=|#|--| |\ \ o / /| | |~| | | |||
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|_________ __________\___\____/___/___________ ______|
|__ _ / ________ ______ /| _ _ _|
|\ \ |=|/ // /| // / / / | / ||%|%|%|
| \/\ |*/ .//____//.// /__/__/ (_) / ||=|=|=|
__| \/\|/ /(____|/ // / /||~|~|~|__
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|___ / (|________/ |\_______\ / /| |______|
/ \|________) / / | |
>When I was a kid
When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious
diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up.
What with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both
ways through year 'round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on
their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a
straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the
local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help
keep their family from starving to death!
And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way I
was going to lay that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy
they've got it!
But ...
Now that I've reached the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look
around and notice the youth of today.
You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a
Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today don't know how good
you've got it!
I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to
know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves!
And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter,
with a pen! And then you had to walk all the way across the street and
put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!
And there were no MP3s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you
had to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or, we had to
wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually
talk over the beginning and mess it all up!
You want to hear about hardship?
We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone
and somebody else called, they got a busy signal!
And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang,
you had no idea who it was, it could be your boss, your Mom, a
collections agent, you didn't know!!!
You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!
And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with
high-resolution 3-D graphics!
We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and
"Asteroids"! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your
imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just
one screen forever!
And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster
until you died!
Just like LIFE!
When you went to the movie theater, there was no such thing as stadium
seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy sat in front
of you, you watched his hairstyle!
And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20
channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book
called a TV Guide to find out what was on!
And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on
Saturday morning... D'ya hear what I'm saying!?!
We had to wait ALL WEEK!
That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too
easy. You're spoiled!
You guys wouldn't last five minutes back in 1984!
---
...LOL! Thanks Johanna!
-<>-
__\\O<
K
__\\O-
K
__\\O< __\\O<
K __\\O- K
K _\\O<
__\\O- K
:::::::K:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||JML
>More tax dollars at work. Crow Mystery Solved.
Researchers for the Massachusetts Turnpike Authority found over 200
dead crows near greater Boston recently, and there was concern that
they may have died from Avian Flu. A Bird Pathologist examined
the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief,
confirmed the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu. The
cause of death appeared to be vehicular impacts.
However, during the detailed analysis it was noted that varying
colors of paints appeared on the bird's beaks and claws. By analyzing
these paint residues it was determined that 98% of the crows had
been killed by impact with trucks, while only 2% were killed by
an impact with a car.
MTA then hired an Ornithological Behaviorist to determine if there
was a cause for the disproportionate percentages of truck kills
versus car kills.
The Ornithological Behaviorist very quickly concluded the cause:
when crows eat road kill, they always have a look-out crow in a
nearby tree to warn of impending danger.
The conclusion was that while all the lookout crows could say "Cah",
none could say "Truck."
---
...HaHa! Thanks Johanna!
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
[Politics]
Reps challenge DHS ammo buys,
say agency using 1,000 more rounds per person than Army
http://tinyurl.com/d2upu56
-<>-
Once again we are demanding the beneficiaries of the system change the
system. The idea is stirring, but sadly, it ain't gonna happen!
-Pat
Everyone in America should watch this video. Watch it now before it's
pulled from youtube. This may be the best six minutes invested in your
future.
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=jeYscnFpEyA
---
...Yes, I think you are right PatDeE! Thanks!
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Now this is just bad luck.
80-year-old Miriam Tucker who was attending a charity event
in Florida accidentally swallowed a $5,000 diamond she had
just won.
Organizers of the event placed $10 cubic zirconia stones
in the bottom of 399 of 400 champagne glasses. The prized
diamond was placed in the last.
Tucker told local media that she didn't want to put her
finger in the glass to get the jewel. Instead she took a
few sips of champagne. As she was talking and laughing
with other women at the table, she realized she swallowed
the jewel.
"What a dumb thing," she said.
Meanwhile, organizers and jewelers Joy Pierson and Andy Meyer
were puzzled that no one came forward with the diamond.
As they hovered near the table, Tucker eventually spoke up.
"She said she swallowed what was in her glass," Pierson said.
Event chairwoman Gina Roth insisted that Tucker follow her
to a hospital for an X-ray. The diamond didn't show up, but
Tucker already had a colonoscopy scheduled.
She told Dr. Bruce Edgerton what happened and he retrieved
the diamond, put it in a bio-hazard bag and gave it to
Tucker's daughter. After the procedure, they went to a
jewelry store and had the diamond cleaned, tested and
verified.
How would you like to be that jeweler.
"It's an amazing story," said Tucker. She plans to bequeath
it to her 13-year-old granddaughter, where the diamond will
"stay in the family with a story to go with it."
*-- Indian newborn allegedly sold through Facebook --*
LUDHIANA, India - A newborn boy in Ludhiana, India, has
been sold for $830 to a New Delhi couple in a Facebook
deal, officials said. The alleged deal was uncovered when
the infant's mother, Nooran, made a complaint to police
that her baby went missing from the hospital where he was
born, The Indian Express reported. The report said the
boy allegedly was sold to Amit Kumar, who wanted to adopt
a baby with his wife, and the deal was made by a hospital
attendant named Gurpreet. The Indian Express said police
have arrested Gurpreet, the boy's maternal grandfather
Feroze Khan, his friend Irfan and nurse Sunita Rani, but
Kumar was not yet in custody. The infant was recovered
from Ganga Ram Hospital in New Delhi and returned to his
mother, the report said. "A few months ago, I separated
from my husband and came to my parents house," the mother
said. "On April 14, I gave birth to a boy at Satyam
Hospital. After delivery, I was told that my baby is dead.
Later on, some people at the hospital told me that my
father had sold the baby to nurse Sunita Rani." Nooran's
father, an alleged drug addict, told the police he wanted
to get the baby adopted as he did not want the expense of
raising a child, the report said.
*-- Message in a bottle found 11 years after it was written --*
HALIFAX, Nova Scotia - A letter in a bottle found by two
people fishing in Nova Scotia has led to a reunion of the
friends who wrote it in 2002, "never [expecting] anyone to
find it." Stephen Hennigar and Alexa Wray were fishing in
the Shubenacadie River Wednesday when they found the
discarded wine bottle, containing the letter and a few
artifacts, CBC News reported. The letter, signed by two
teens named Jill and Kelly, read: "The year is 2002. It
would be cool if someone found this in the year 3002 or
something. We hope it'll go very far." The letter referred
to the Sept. 11, 2001, destruction of the World Trade
Center and noted Osama bin Laden was "a wanted man." "So
we can't let things like this go on any more." It was
accompanied by photos of Jill and Kelly and some friends,
and after CBC News first carried the story, Jillian Boyce
and Kelly Johnston, both 25, said they were the ones who
released the bottle. "I never really expected anyone to
find it," Boyce said. Johnston said she hasn't seen Boyce
"in many, many years." "It's crazy to think that after all
this time a silly letter in a bottle could put us back in
touch," she said. "Oh my god," said Boyce. "How did it not
get ruined?"
*-- Men sentenced for extorting poker players with nude photos --*
LOS ANGELES - Two men have been sentenced in California
after admitting they extorted professional poker players
with threats of publishing naked photographs, officials
say. The photos were among private information stolen from
the players' email accounts, the Los Angeles Times reported
Monday. Tyler Schrier, 23, of Menlo Park pleaded guilty
to conspiracy, extortion and unauthorized access to a
protected computer to obtain information. He was sentenced
to 42 months in prison. As part of his plea, Schrier
admitted guilt in a similar plot in which he extorted
$26,000. An accomplice, Keith James Hudson, 39, of San
Jose pleaded guilty to stealing naked photographs from a
player's email by hacking the account. He then worked with
Schrier to extort poker players, prosecutors said. In 2010,
the pair hacked the email account of Joe Sebok and stole
intimate emails and photographs. They threatened to post
them on the Internet unless Sebok and others paid them
hundreds of thousands of dollars, prosecutors said. No
payments were ever made and Schrier sent an email contain-
ing a nude photo of Sebok to about 100 people. Addressing
the court at the hearing, Sebok said the extortion plot
had "instantly damaged my ability to sustain my livelihood
doing what I had been since 2005" and caused him to lose
endorsement contracts.
*-- Montana man reunited with woman-hating macaw --*
GREAT FALLS, Mont. - A Montana man was reunited with his
scarlet macaw after five years thanks in part to the bird's
distaste for women. Mike Taylor of Great Falls said his
bird, Spike, goes by the nickname Love Love and he
discovered after adopting the avian with his then-fiancee
several years ago that Love Love disliked women due to
being abused by a previous owner, the Great Falls (Mont)
Tribune reported Tuesday. Taylor said his wife sold the
bird when the couple split up about five years ago and
he "always wondered" what became of the bird. Taylor said
he had his answer when a friend, Steve Caldwell, recognized
the bird at Montana's Parrot & Exotic Bird Sanctuary in
Butte. "He says, 'Oh, by the way, I seen your bird,'"
Taylor said. Taylor said he soon got in touch with Lori
McAlexander, executive director of the sanctuary, and was
able to convince her of his story by describing the bird's
blind eye, toenail deformities, penchant for saying "love
love" and his hatred of women. McAlexander said the bird
was donated by a woman named Sonia who was bitten mere
days after purchasing him. She said only male handlers
had been dealing with Spike due to the animal's violent
distaste for women. Taylor was reunited with Love Love
Sunday at the sanctuary and was able to bring him home
with his original cage and the toys that went along with
him when his wife sold the bird. "He's just a really neat
bird," Taylor said.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bunni :)
.-.
( ( __ __
'-` ___/ _\.-./_ \
////|//(@ @) \|
//////// \./
| (_) |( _ )
ldb____|______|.m_m______
>Flea & Tick Remedy
8 oz apple cider vinegar
4 oz warm water
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
Mix dry ingredients first then slowly add to wet as the vinegar
and baking soda will react slightly. Put into spray bottle and
spray pets down. Be careful not to get in pets eyes.
Use Borax throughout the house, sprinkle it on the carpets and
let sit for a few hours, then vacuum. This should kill all the
fleas and ticks in your home and on your pets.
.
---
...Great tips! Thanks Bunni :)
_
/\,_/\|
/==_ (
(Y_.) / ///
U ) (__,_____) )
)' > `/
|._ _____ |
| | ( \| (
| | | || |
,,-. ),)_/ ., ))_/,,.-,_
b'ger . ,-/,_
For Ear Mites:
Use a q-tip dipped in sweet oil and rub the outer ear canal to
clean and drip drops into the ear. Repeat once for 2 or 3 days
as long as pet appears to have itchy ears. [cats won't normally
stand still for the time to drip a drop or two in the ear canal
- but it works anyway :]
-<>-
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
published by court reporters.
====================================================
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
___________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
___________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
___________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
___________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
forgot?
_____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
_____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
_____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I
get a new attorney?
_____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
_____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on
dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go
to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
_____________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
_____________________________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.
---
...LOL! Thanks Bunni!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
__.
/-7 k
.-' o.-'/
/ .; \
( [ )
\ [.---.
;/ \ )
\ (/
) | AsH
/ \ (
[_' \_~
>Garage Door
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was
down and his fly area wide open.
His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left
your house, did you close your garage door?'
The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into
his office puzzled by the question.
As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and
zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his
'garage door.'
He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When
my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'
She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't.
All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires..
---
...HaHA! Thanks PatDeE!
===============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
(( )
( ()
())
\_ ~_/
_(_)(_)_
==|.------.|===
|| o||
|`------'|cjr
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was
giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate
the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day.
She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to
cook up another batch.
She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her
concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again.
That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the
guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as
the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center.
They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."
-<>-
One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her
son, a college student at the University of Illinois. "Why,
our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from
him we have to go to the dictionary."
"You're lucky," the neighbor said. "Every time we get a
letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!"
-<>-
I was addressing some mail when I noticed that my card file
of frequently used addresses was missing. Thinking it must
have fallen from my typing table into the wastebasket, I
called the office janitor.
"I've lost my Rolodex," I told him. "It may have been picked
up with the trash. Is there any way you could find it?"
He said he would conduct a search. When the janitor informed
me he had searched every trash container for my Rolodex, with
no luck, I thanked him for his trouble.
As I left work that evening, the janitor met me at the door.
"Good night," he said smiling apologetically. "Sorry I
couldn't find your watch."
Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out
that the topic of "Show and Tell" that day had been parents'
occupations.
The teacher pulled me aside. Whispering, she advised, "You
might want to explain a little bit more to your daughter
what you do for a living."
I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars
in motel conference rooms.
When I asked why, the teacher explained, "Your daughter told
the class she wasn't sure what you did, but said you got
dressed real pretty and went to work at motels."
-<>-
I had moved to South Carolina from New York, and at that
time a vehicle inspection was required to register my car.
I was nervous; my car was in rough shape. I thought of New
York State's rigorous inspections. Any number of problems
might turn up that would be expensive to fix. I drove down
a country road and found a garage that had an inspection
sign. When I told the mechanic what I needed, he circled
the car, turned on the lights and honked the horn. Then he
attached a new sticker and asked me for the three-dollar
fee.
I was shocked. "Is that all you have to do?" I asked.
He answered, "Well, you drove it here, didn't you?"
-<>-
A visiting minister waxed eloquent during the offertory
prayer. "Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a
rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are
but dust..."
He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient
daughter (who was listening carefully for a change!) leaned
over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl
voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
-<>-
()(),~~,.
.. ___; )
=`= (_. jb
A couple moved to the country when they retired. One mild
winter, they had a bit of a problem with rodents in the
garage. So they bought one of those little sub-sonic mouse
repellants, the kind you plug in and they emit some kind
of sound that drives off mice. The husband was showing it
to their neighbor and explaining that it was an animal
repellant. He told her that it worked on every thing from
mice to elephants.
"Really!?" she said, "Mice to elephants, eh." sounding a
bit skeptical.
"Yes," he replied, seriously. "We've had it here for a
couple of weeks now and we haven't had a single elephant
in the garage the whole time!"
-<>-
In a misguided burst of creativity, I installed a night-light
into a conch shell I found on the beach. My wife took an
instant dislike to it, and at the next yard sale, it was the
first thing she put out.
I felt vindicated when a woman kept coming back to check it
out and finally bought it.
"That'll look great in your home," I said.
"Oh," she replied. "It's not for me." My bridge club is having
a charity sale, and we were asked to bring the most hideous
thing we could find. What I have here is the winner!"
-<>-
The old man had died. A wonderful funeral was in progress
and the country preacher talked at length of the good traits
of the deceased; what an honest man he was, what a loving
husband and kind father he had been.
The widow, meanwhile was ever so slightly shaking her head,
as she intently listened to the preacher's words.
Finally, the widow leaned over and whispered to one of her
children....
"Erica, honey, go on up there and take a look in the coffin
and see if that's your pa in there."
-<>-
,-'"";`-
,<""\oO\|*(`.
/ | "/ ;/_\
( \ ,-' `;--)
|; |(_' ( |
( | \ `-.)
\ | / /
||\ / /|
||').:___,-(`|
\\ \ / |
\\ `. ,' |
`\ `-' |
`. \
`. |
-shimrod \ |
We all know that Columbus believed the world was round when
others believed it was flat and that if you traveled far
enough you would go over the edge. We also know that Columbus
reached what we now know as America. While there are still a
few who believe Columbus returned to Spain and told Queen
Isabella that he discovered a new world, most believe he had
told her he had reached India. Recently documents written by
Queen Isabella's official scribe were uncovered revealing what
Columbus actually said on returning from his first voyage.
His first words were, "I'll bet I'm the first man who ever
got nineteen hundred miles on a galleon."
[Before anyone starts sending in emails, yes, I know that
most educated people knew the world was round long before
Columbus sailed. Even the ancient Greeks suspected the
shape of the Earth from observing lunar eclipses. But, hey,
I didn't write the joke!]
=========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
_____________________
| _________________ |
| | / | |
| | /\ / | |
| | /\ / \ / | |
| | / \/ \/ | |
| |/ JO | |
| |_________________| |
| __ __ __ __ __ __ |
| |__|__|__|__|__|__| |
| |__|__|__|__|__|__| |
| |__|__|__|__|__|__| |
| |__|__|__|__|__|__| |
| |__|__|__|__|__|__| |
| |__|__|__|__|__|__| |
| ___ ___ ___ ___ |
| | 7 | 8 | 9 | | + | |
| |___|___|___| |___| |
| | 4 | 5 | 6 | | - | |
| |___|___|___| |___| |
| | 1 | 2 | 3 | | x | |
| |___|___|___| |___| |
| | . | 0 | = | | / | |
| |___|___|___| |___| |
|_____________________|
(Graphing Calculator)
>You Might Be A Physics Major...
if you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
if you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to
do long division.
if you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."
if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working
on a computer.
if you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."
if you think in "math."
if you have a pet named after a scientist.
if you can translate English into Binary.
if when your professor asks you where your homework is,
you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so
precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be any-
where in the universe.
-<>-
>** Top 10 Worst Pop-Up Ads **
10. You have 4 messages...or do you? Buy our product for
$199.99 and find out!
9. To keep an idiot busy for hours click here.
8. If this is flashing, you have a computer!
7. Click here for instant rectal exam.
6. Click here to initiate CPU self destruct sequence.
5. In debt? Buy a gun!
4. Click here to stop pop up adds!
3. Meet people in your area! Click here to turn-off your
computer and go outside.
2. Click here now or we'll kill this kitten!
1. Click for a free trip to North Dakota!
-<>-
,``'.'
/ \ \ \
/ \ | |
''''''.| | |
`````'` | | |
/'''' - (| | |
/'``` . | | |
/ ''''' / ./
/ '```` / |/
/ ''''`| \/
/ ' |` /
/ / /|
/| | / '.
|| | )
++ | \
| |
| |
\ ..
\ _/ \
' ./ |
/ \
| \
\ |
\ |
| . |
| | |
| | |
| | |
| .| |
/ / | /
/ / | |
/ / | |
/ / | |
==/ | |
| | ==/
| | / |
\ | Pru | |
V | |
V
>GOLF DEFINED
GOLF, n.
1. A game that consists of a lot of walking, broken up by
disappointment and bad arithmetic.
2. A game of opposites - the world's slowest people are
ahead of you, and the fastest are behind.
3. A colorful sport that keeps you on the green, in the
pink, and financially in the red.
4. A game which is allowed to be played on Sunday (under
blue laws) because it was not considered a game by the
law, but a form of moral effort.
5. A game a lot like taxation - you drive hard to get to
the green, and then you find yourself in a hole.
GOLF CART, n.
1. A popular mode of transportation because, unlike a
caddie, it can neither count, criticize, nor snicker.
GOLFER, n.
1. A person who yells "fore," takes six, and puts down
five;
2. A guy who has the advantage over a fisherman - he
doesn't have to bring home anything when he brags he
had a great day.
==========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
100 Years Ago
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/yearsago.html
Dogs!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogs.html
Most Extreme House!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehouse.html
Ten Tips For Living!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tips.html
Athlete Homes!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/athletehomes.html
Sand Art 4!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandart4.html
Pay It Forward!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/payitforward.html
Lambo Aventador!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lambo.html
2012 Most Stunning Photos 1!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moststunning1.html
2012 Most Stunning Photos 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moststunning2.html
We Three Friends!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/threefriends.html
Remember Bumper Cars?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bcar.html
Relics From The Past
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/relics.html
Amazing Dog Houses
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
She sent us one we have here...
The Real Bambi And Thumper
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bambi.html
---
...So adorable! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
>A Classic From Our Friends Linda And Brenda :)
A Desert Love Story
http://tinyurl.com/cv6gm5j
---
...TeeHee! A Good One! Thanks Ladies!
-<>-
>From Our Friends LouiseA And PatDeE :)
Just for fun. Baby & Me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pfxB5ut-KTs
---
...Way Too funny! Thanks LouiseA And PatDeE!
-<>-
>From Our Friend JoeL :)
The Boston Bombing Web of Lies
http://www.globalresearch.ca/the-boston-bombing-web-of-lies/5332981
Family Survival Course
http://familysurvivalkit.org/index.php
---
...A shock and awe one! Thanks JoeL!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
The Ocean as you have never seen it
(GO FULL SCREEN) and TURN ON SOUND
http://www.youtube.com/embed/mcbHKAWIk3I
Another beautiful Ocean video:
http://www.youtube.com/embed/mcbHKAWIk3I
Dog and owner perform a cute Grease dance routine.
http://www.wimp.com/greaseroutine/
---
...Awww, thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend PatDeE :)
Hilarious!! I receive some weird posts, but this has to be the
strangest, funniest and most unique. Prepare to be amazed that
not only they can perform this act, but the fact they even
thought of it.....check the guy's expression...
http://www.wimp.com/brassband/
---
...LOL! Yes - people are strange! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
So God Made A Dog...
http://www.youtube.com/embed/lJ7AfSO2fKs?feature=player_embedded
---
...HaHa! Sweet! Thanks Linda!
Wells Fargo NYC Flash Mob Surprises Times Square
http://tinyurl.com/cltlur3
---
...Oh Yeah! Love It! Thanks Linda!
=========================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"According to Glamour magazine, it takes the average woman
11 minutes to get aroused. The problem is that by the time
the average woman is aroused the guy's been asleep for nine
minutes." -Jay Leno
"The air quality in New York is getting worse and worse. I
was walking thought Central Park during my lunch hour and,
honest to god, you could hear the birds coughing."
-Dave Letterman
"Welcome to the historic Orpheum Theatre. When people ask me
how to get here, I tell them walk down to Market Street and
when you get scared, it's another four blocks. When you get
stabbed, you know you've arrived." -Conan O'Brien
"I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so
they won't think something's wrong with me." --Elayne Boosler
My father was a dentist and my mother was a manicurist...
for most of their married life they fought tooth and nail.
Customer: I'd like to try on that dress in the window.
Saleslady: I'm sorry, madam, you'll have to use the fitting
room like everyone else.
"It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want
to hear."
- Dick Cavett
"The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly',
meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood
sucking parasites'."
- Larry Hardiman
"It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation
for subtlety."
- Isaac Asimov
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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