When Irish Eyes Are Smiling... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our First scorcher is from our friend Linda. March is woman's month and this woman simply is amazing! Our inspiration for sure! Check her out and her video here... . L\ .-""-. |\_ / (--> \ \ \'--.)_>_=/_( \ )`-._/|_,( _. |_\ (_ ( \ /.- .' `\ ) \_/\ \.'/ _.','\ _/\ ( '._/ /_/` \ / jgs '-..-'] 86 Year Old Grandma Gymnast! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/grandmagymnast.html --- ...She sure is a mind blowing granny! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Boy That Deer Can Kick! . _, |`\__/ / \ . .( | __T| / | _.---=======' | What do you call a deer that can kick // {} a ball with his left and right feet? `| , , {} \ /___; ,' ) ,-;` `\ // | / ( ;|| ||`\\ ||| bambidextrus || \\ ||| jgs )\ )\ )|| `" `" `"" _ _ (_'-----------------------------------------------'_) (_.===============================================._) >Rules for Writers: Avoid run-on sentences they are hard to read. Don't use no double negatives. Use the semicolon properly, always use it where it is appropriate; and never where it isn't. Reserve the apostrophe for it's proper use and omit it when its not needed. No sentence fragments. Avoid commas, that are unnecessary. Eschew dialect, irregardless. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. Hyphenate between sy-llables and avoid un-necessary hyphens. Write all adverbial forms correct. Don't use contractions in formal writing. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided. It is incumbent on us to avoid archaisms. Steer clear of incorrect forms of verbs that have snuck in the language. Never, ever use repetitive redundancies. If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, resist hyperbole. Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration. Don't string too many prepositional phrases together unless you are walking through the valley of the shadow of death. "Avoid overuse of 'quotation "marks."'" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ March 11 is Johnny Appleseed Day and Worship of Tools Day March 12 is Alfred Hitchcock Day March 13 is Jewel Day March 14 is National Potato Chip Day March 15 is Buzzard's Day and Everything You Think Is Wrong Day March 16 is Everything You Do Is Right Day March 17 is Submarine Day ======================================================= >-->When Irish Eyes Are Smiling... ________ .##@@&&&@@##. ,##@&::%&&%%::&@##. #@&:%%000000000%%:&@# #@&:%00' '00%:&@# #@&:%0' '0%:&@# #@&:%0 0%:&@# #@&:%0 0%:&@# #@&:%0 0%:&@# "" ' " " ' "" _oOoOoOo_ .-.-. (oOoOoOoOo) ( : ) )`"""""`( .-.`. .'.-. / \ (_ '.Y.' _) | # | ( .'|'. ) \ / '-' | '-' jgs `=========` >St.Patrick's Day Riddles and Jokes: St. Patricks Day is right around the corner! Here's some silly St. Patricks Day jokes for kids and the young at heart that will tickle your blarney stone (or funny bone) and keep you laughing all week long. Since laughter is the very best medicine, have a dose and keep on smiling. Happy St. Patricks Day! Q: Why do frogs like St. Patricks Day? A: Because theyre always wearing green. Q: Why would you never iron a four-leaf clover? A: Because you shouldnt press your luck. Q: Why cant you borrow money from a leprechaun? A: Because hes always short. Q: When is an Irish potato not an Irish potato? A: When hes a French fry. Q: What do you call a fake stone in Ireland? A: A sham rock. Q: What would you get if you crossed Christmas with St. Patricks Day? A: St. OClaus. _ _ (_(_) /(_) (-----. |= | _|=____|_ (_________) 8" "8 (8 6 6 8) 8 7 8 88-=###, _ jgs "888"`##,|#| `###' Q: Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland? A: Because he couldnt afford airfare. Q: What is left out on the lawn all summer and is Irish? A: Paddy OFurniture. Q: What do you call a diseased Irish criminal? A: leper con. Q: Why do so many people live in Ireland? A: Because the capital is always Dublin! Q: Why was the Irish River so rich? A: Because it had two banks. Q: What do you call a leprechauns vacation home? A: A lepre-condo. ,-'~~~~-. .-~~~~`-. .' \ / `. ,-'` \ / `-. / , `\/ .' \ ( `\ || /~ ) ~. `\ || /` .~ `~~._____ `\ || /` ____.~~` ___!!!GOOD>-->From GoodCleanFun: _|_ | _|_ //_/\ __| ||____ ////////////\ /////////////\\ |^^^^^^^^^^||+| | # # # |||| .... ....". ||||||||||||||||| unknown >Charity Begins at Home Members of the Methodist Women's Church Circle in one Wisconsin town some years ago were disturbed because a widowed church member and her three small daughters were staying away from services. Finding the reason to be a lack of suitable clothes, the ladies' group corrected the situation in a generous manner. When the little girls still failed to appear at Sunday School, some of the ladies called to inquire about their absence. The mother thanked them sweetly for the clothing and explained, "The girls looked so nice, I sent them to the Presbyterian Church!" -<>- >Flowers Purely by coincidence, I ran into my husband in our local grocery store. He was carrying a beautiful pink azalea, and I joked, "That better be for me." From behind, a woman's voice: "It is now." -<>- >Honor System Driving back from Vermont, I stopped at a vegetable stand. It was deserted except for a sleeping German Shepherd. I stepped over the dog, helped myself to some corn, then opened the cashbox to pay. Taped to the inside of the lid was this note: "The dog can count." -<>- >Lost in the Store From halfway across the store, I could hear a mother calling for her son: "Jimmy, Jimmy!" I turned a corner into another aisle and found a six-year-old by himself playing with some umbrellas. "Are you Jimmy?" I asked. "Yes, I am." "Didn't you hear your mother call?" "Yes." "Aren't you going to go to her?" He shook his head. "No, she's not hysterical yet." -<>- ,-. O / `. <\/ `. |* `. / \ `. / / `>')3s, --------. ,' apc / 7 >Retirement Fishing For their retirement vacation, my mother and father decided to drive through Alaska. Dad, who loves to fish but never had the time, was especially looking forward to breaking in all the gear my brother and I had given him, including the graphite pole that came in its own leather case. After driving for a few days, they found a perfect spot where Mom could read in the shade and Dad could fish. After he had struggled down the bank with all his gear, Mom was surprised to see him lugging it back up a few minutes later. He had just discovered that what he had packed was his leather-encased pool cue. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) ))),, / /// . . . / \\ < ) -C\ \_- | \_/ __|__/L__ / \ ___ \ \ / V __ |--\ utis \__/-- Nice threads, man," commented Donald when his buddy showed up one day in a snappy new suit. "Where'd you pick 'em up?" Jim beamed, "My wife got them for me. Pretty sharp, huh?" "I'll say. What was the occasion?" "Got me," admitted Jim with a cheerful shrug. "I came home from work early the other day and there they were, hanging over the chair in the bedroom." _____________ The brain is the most fascinating human organ in the human body. It works 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, or until you fall in love _____________ Tired of having to balance his wife Mary's checkbook, Dave made a deal with her, he would only look at it after she had spent a few hours trying to get it into shape. Only then would he lend his expertise. The following night, after spending hours poring over the figures, Mary said, "There! I did it! I made it balance!" Dave was impressed and came over to take a look. "Let's see ... mortgage, seven hundred dollars; Electricity, sixty-four dollars and twelve cents; Telephone, thirty-eight dollars and seventy-three cents..." His brow wrinkled as he read the last entry. "It says here ESP, six hundred and forty-four dollars. What is that?" "Oh," she said, "that means `Error Some Place'." _____________ ,,, _,_ _@_ _(_ _?_ >*< _/. .\_ _/- -\_ _/, ,\_ _/' '\_ _/a a\_ _/. .\_ (.\_o_/.) (.\_-_/.) (,\_e_/') (.\_^_/.) (.\_~_/') (.\_c_/.) (.`,.`'.') (.`,.'.'.) (.`'.,'.') ('.,'.`'.) (.'.,'.`.) (.,'.,'',) ('.`,'`,) ('.`,'',) ('.','.`) ('.,'.',) ('.,'.`.) (',.'`.,) ('.`,'`) ('.','`) (.'.,'.) ('.`.,') ('.','') (.'.'.') jgs `--'"` `--'"` `--'"` `--'"' `--'"' `--'"' Should children witness childbirth? Good question. Here's your answer. Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could See while he helped deliver the baby... Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed And pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed. Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.....smack his behind again!' ____________ A pastor woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. He told the associate pastor that he was feeling sick and asked him to hold services for him that day. As soon as the associate pastor left the room, the pastor headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his congregation. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." The pastor hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?" --------------- ----------------------------------------------------------- UUUUUUUUU| HHHHHHHHHH | |AAAAAAAA |UUUU UUUUUU C |HHHHHHHHHHHHH | LLLL |AAAAAAAAAAA |UUUUU UUUUU /\_________ HHHHHH |LLLLLLLLLL |AAAAAAAAAAAAA|UUUUU ==== / |######| ======================================= QQQQ |\ |#####/ PPPPP | UU | IIIIIIIL | TT QQQ / | |<_____ PPPPPP | UUUUUUUU | IIIIIIILLLLL| TTTT === ` ` o o ======================================= VK A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for quite some time now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any more." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, I personally placed an order for them just a couple of days ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked if we had any?" "Muggers in the parking lot." -------------- My friend Bubba was driving down a back road in Eastern Kentucky A sign in front of a restaurant reads: HAPPY HOUR SPECIAL Lobster Tail and Beer "Have mercy!" he says to himself, "Them's my three favorites." -------------- You know how to make God laugh? Tell Him YOUR plans for the future. --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! -<>- >Sayings ..:::::::.. //////\\\\\\\ ||||||||||||| ||||||||||||| ||||||||||||| HH ||||||||||||| HH HH==================HH HH==================HH HH ############# HH HH ############# HH HH ########### HH HH ######### HH HH ####### HH HH ##### HH HH () HH \\ () // \\ () // \\ () // \\ (// \\ //)( ____\/___() ,#################.... ##################### ``` ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ unknow The nicest thing about the future is . .. that it always starts tomorrow. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail. If you don't have a sense of humor, you probably don't have any sense at all. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? Business conventions are important. . .because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks? Scratch a cat . . . and you will have a permanent job. No one has more driving ambition than the teenage boy who wants to buy a car. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 am. - like, it could be the right number. No one ever says "It's only a game" when their team is winning. I've reached the age where 'happy hour' is a nap. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) . | . \ | / `. \ ' / .' `. .-*""*-. .' "*-._ /.*" "*.\ _.-*" : ; ____ """"': .. ; _.-*" \ `.__.' / "*-._ .' `-.__.-' `. bug .' / . \ `. / | \ ' | ` >New Deck I was working in the sun all day, putting finishing touches on the new deck outside my house. My sister pulled into the driveway, greeted me, and looked over my work. "Wow," she gushed, "you're an expert." Feeling complimented and satisfied, but...trying not to seem egotistical, I responded... "Once you get going, it's pretty easy!" She looked puzzled and wondering if I'd misunderstood her I asked, "What did you just say?" She replied, "I said, your neck's burnt!" -<>- .-~~~-, ( ) ( ) -^x^- ( ) /~ ~\ ( ) | | ( ) | | ( ) | __ _, (~~~~-( ) /\/\ (. ).) `_'_', ( ) C __) (.( .)-( ) | /~~~ \ (_ ( ) / \ ~====' /_____/` D) /`-_ `---' \ | .__|~-/^\-~|_/_ |^^^^^^^|| | __. ||/.\ | |OooooO \ ---. \ | | \ _ _- ,`_'_' .~\ \|__ __|-____ / ) < -(. ).) > \ ( .\ (. ) \(_/ ) ~- _) \_- ooo @ (_) @ \(_//. / /_C (-.____) /((O)/ \ ._/\~_. / |_\ / / /\\\\`-----'' _|>o< |__ | \ooooO ( \ \\ \\___/ \ `_'_', / \ \__-| \ `)\\-^\\ ^--. /_(.(.)- _\ \ \ ) |-`--.`--=\-\ /-//_ ' ( c D\ \_\_) |-___/ / \ V /.~ \/\\\ (@)___/ ~| / | / | |. /`\\_/\/ / / / | ( C`-'` / | \/ (/ / /_________- \ `C__-~ | / (/ / | | | \__________| \ (/ -Artist Unknown _____ . . .___ __ . . . .__ __ __ . . __ | | | | (__` | |\ /| | \ (__` / \ |\ | (__` | |---| |--- \ | | \/ | |__/ \ | | | \ | \ | | | |___ \__/ | | | | \__/ \__/ | \| \__/ >Hairstyle I accompanied my husband to get a haircut. While flipping through a magazine I found a hairstyle that would look good on me. I asked the receptionist if I could take the magazine next door to make a copy of the hairstyle photo. "Well, okay," she replied, "but leave some ID--a driver's license or credit card." "But my husband is here getting his hair cut," I explained. "Yeah... but we need something you'll come back for." -<>- >The Dog The deliveryman looked over the gate towards the house which was his package's destination, and saw a large and aggressive- looking dog on the lawn, staring at him. There was also a woman looking at him from an open first-floor window. He shouted to the woman, "Is your dog friendly?" She said, "Yes." So the deliveryman opened the gate, and was promptly savaged by the dog. When he had been rescued from the dog, the deliveryman angrily said to the woman, "I thought you said your dog was friendly!" "He is," said the woman, "but that's not my dog." --- ...LOL! Thanks Bunni! ============================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: [Politics] My long-time readers know that I try not to get political very often, mostly because politics pisses me off too much and I just don't have the time to be that pissed off about politics. There are too many other things I have to be pissed off about. But every now and then I come across something so egregious, so hypocritical that it cannot be ignored. I'm talking about this sequester business, or more specifically, the fear mongering and demagoguery that has been used to play these minor spending cuts off as an economic doomsday for the United States. President Obama and his pitchmen and sycophants have been desperately trying to scare us about the austerity we will have to face as this 2 percent cut in spending takes effect. But before we start preparing ourselves for soviet-era shortages of basic goods and services we should take into account some of the spending that is still going on in other areas. For example, your new Secretary of State John Kerry recently announced $60 million for a new fund for "direct support of key engines of democratic change," including Egypt's entrepreneurs. And this $60 million is only the first part of a package that will climb to $300 million over time. Some people could argue that supporting a democratic govern- ment and the economic health of one of our strategic allies in the Middle East is more important than spending at home. I wouldn't be one of them, but the argument could be made. Where it gets really bizarre is a story I just read about a federal grant which was just given to the University of California San Diego in the amount of $550,000 to research "safer sex intervention for male clients of female sex workers in Tijuana." Your tax money...going to research Tijuana hookers. So when some talking head goes on TV to tell you that meat and poultry plants will have to stop production because USDA Food Safety Inspectors will have to be furloughed, remember...Tijuana hookers. 3 hour wait times at airports because the TSA can't afford to hire any more thugs to feel up your wife? Tijuana hookers. Fewer air traffic controllers? Tijuana hookers. Needy patients not getting care, even hospitals closing because of cuts to Medicare payments? Tijuana hookers. Thousands of teachers other educators laid off? Tijuana hookers. No money to deploy aircraft carriers in answer to threats from the Middle East (I thought we had friends over there to whom we were giving all sorts of money)? Tijuana hookers. Bizarrely, Lewis --- ...Here's a great list... List of US Federal Government Funding Program http://funding-programs.idilogic.aidpage.com/ -<>- Have you ever heard the phrase, "Never bring a knife to a gun fight?" If you believe in the validity of this sage advice you might also think it would be poor judgment to bring a toy to a gun fight. The perpetrator in today's story would agree with you. 34-year-old Michael Oliva was charged in federal court in connection to an attempted bank robbery in Trimble, MO. According to an affidavit Oliva entered the bank, allegedly pulled on a black mask and pointed what appeared to be a handgun at a bank employee and ordered her to give him the money in her teller drawer. Instead of complying the employee dropped to the floor behind the teller station and began shouting for help. As she was crawling away, the affidavit says, she saw Oliva lean over the teller station and point his "weapon" at her. A second bank employee, who was in an office, heard the shouts for help. He saw Oliva pointing a handgun at the first bank employee and retrieved a Smith & Wesson .357 revolver. But instead of a shootout what occurred was a near execution, because Oliva didn't have a handgun, he had a plastic toy. Not knowing this, the second employee fired two rounds, the first shot striking Oliva in the face. Apparently being shot in the face with a .357 was enough for him because he turned and fled. He was arrested a short time later with no money but in possession of an extra bullet. Who says gun laws don't work? *-- Tampons by subscription ease period pain --* NEW YORK, March 7 - There's book of the month, fruit of the month, beer of the month and now a U.S. entrepreneur has launched tampon of the month. Naama Bloom this week began HelloFlo, a subscription service for a monthly need, The Verge reported. "No one actually enjoys the experience of buying tampons," Bloom told the tech/science/art/culture website, adding HelloFlo's packaging is discreet. HelloFlo will ensure women have the proper supplies and they don't have to worry about running out late at night because they were caught unawares. "For some reason, it's just something that drives me crazy," Bloom said. "First of all, the product packaging is wrong -- if you need overnight pads, you have to buy a whole box that's going to last you all year. It seems so simple to just create a multi-pack that actually makes sense." And for those who don't think there's money in the idea, Bloom notes it's an $8 billion market in the United States. *-- Man who dressed as Hitler cleared --* JONKOPING, Sweden - A Swedish court threw out hate crime charges against a 24-year-old man who went to a costume party dressed as Adolf Hitler. The Jonkoping District Court ruled the man did not intend to appear threatening or disrespectful to any group when he donned a costume resembling the Nazi dictator, complete with a swastika armband and small mustache, the Swedish news agency TT reported Friday. "My client went to a costume party and the point wasn't to express some political or other view. Rather, it was simply to represent a Nazi," attorney Mats Erfors said. "He wasn't walking around the city with a swastika." However, the man was convicted on weapons charges after a shotgun and a stun gun were found at his apartment. *-- Boy, 7, suspended over pastry shape --* BALTIMORE - A Maryland father said it was "insanity" to suspend his 7-year-old son from school for chewing his breakfast pastry into the shape of a gun. Josh Welch, a second-grader at Park Elementary School in Baltimore, said he was trying to chew his breakfast pastry into the shape of a mountain during breakfast at the school Friday, WBFF-TV, Baltimore, reported Monday. "It was already a rectangle and I just kept on biting it and biting it and tore off the top and it kinda looked like a gun but it wasn't." the boy said. "All I was trying to do was turn it into a mountain but, it didn't look like a mountain really and it turned out to be a gun kinda." However, he said he knew he was in "big trouble" when a teacher saw what he created. B.J. Welch, the boy's father, said he was shocked when Josh was suspended for two days. "I would almost call it insanity. I mean with all the potential issues that could be dealt with at school, real threats, bullies, whatever the real issue is, it's a pastry ... ya know?" The school sent a note home with students Friday afternoon. "A student used food to make an inappropriate gesture," the note read. *-- Pool insists girls wear tops and bottoms --* SPRING HILL, Tenn. - A Franklin, Tenn., mother said her 4-year-old daughter felt unnecessarily shamed leaving a public pool where the girl wore a swimsuit with a bottom, but no top. Sara Parada said her daughter was swimming Friday in the indoor pool of the Longview Recreation Center in Spring Hill, Tenn. The two left after an argument with lifeguards and a supervisor about policy at the pool. "It was really poorly handled," Parada said. "She left feeling really ashamed of herself." "The rule requires tops and bottoms for girls. It's never, ever been questioned in my 34 years," said Parks and Recreation Department Director Doug Hood, but the (Nashville) Tennessean noted Tuesday that, of 29 rules posted on the department's website regarding pool policies, only two mention proper attire and neither specifies tops and bottoms for girls. Parada has lived in California and Hawaii, she said, and acknow- ledged the rule. "Now that I know it's a cultural thing, I'll comply with the cultural norm. From now on I'm definitely putting a top on her. I don't see the need to traumatize her," she said. ========================================================= >-->{an Et-Ahem] From Our Friend Geniann :) _ |_t+.__________________......_ /;_ ;________________/ : \ t""o.\__ :---|------------------t-----^-`--' / \__L___________________\____________\ ""-. o .--. \--'/ l .-t+. \ ( l) ;"" : / _ _ _ l `--" o; Y |_||_ |_|| \ """""";: .-. :\ | |:_ | |:_/ :: '-' ;\ _ _ _ _ _ _ ;; : ; | ||_l | \|_ |_|| \ :: bug ;| :_l|`, :_/:_ | |:_/ ;'-------'; '"------"" This morning I lucked out and was able to buy several cases of ammo. On the way home I stopped at the gas station where a drop-dead gorgeous blonde was filling up her car at the next pump. She looked at the ammo in the back of my SUV and said in a very sexy voice, "I'm a big believer in barter, big boy. Would you be interested in trading sex for some ammo?" I thought a few seconds and asked, "What kinda ammo ya got?" -<>- >The psychiatrist and the proctologist. Best friends graduating from medical school at the same time decided that in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors. The town council was livid and insisted they change it. The docs changed it to read: Schizoids and Hemorrhoids. This was also not acceptable so they again changed the sign to read Catatonics and High Colonics - no go. Next they tried Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives - thumbs down again. Then came Minds and Behinds - still no good. Another attempt resulted in Lost Souls and Butt Holes - unacceptable again! So they tried Nuts and Butts - no way. Freaks and Cheeks - still no good. Loons and Moons - forget it. Almost at their wit's end, the docs finally came up with: Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones - Specializing in Odds and Ends. Everybody loved it --- ...Oh My! LOL! ======================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: ' . ' . . . : . . '. ______ .' ' _.-"` `"-._ ' .' '. `'--. / \ .--'` / \ ; ; - -- | | -- - | _. | ; /__`A ,_ ; .-' \ |= |;._.}{__ / '-. _.-""-|.' # '. ` `.-"{}<._ / 1938 \ \ x `" ----/ \_.-'|--X---- -=_ | | |- X. =_ - __ |_________|_.-'|_X-X## jgs `'-._|_|;:;_.-'` '::. `"- .:;. .:. ::. '::. The old farmer had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, a barbecue pit, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening, the old guy decided to go down to the pond and look it over. He hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. As he approached, he made the women aware of his presence. At once, they all went to the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave." The old man frowned, "I did not come down here to watch you young ladies swim naked, or to make you get out of the pond naked." Holding up the bucket, he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator." -<>- My son is the manager of a glass and window company and ad- vertised in the paper for experienced glaziers. Since a good glass man is hard to find, he was pleased when a man who called about the job said he had over 10 years of experience. "Where have you worked as a glazier?" my son asked. The man replied, "Dunkin' Donuts." -<>- You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his air- plane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, told him Vegas was that-a-way and sent him on his way. The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people in the plane. ,S&S&S&s, S&C ^^>S& &S`\_ =_)`S .-) (-. / /\ /\ \ ||||| / (_ \/ _) \/ @@ .-._ \ \)____(__|c _\ \__) //)|\\ ( \ _( .-._\ // __\____\ \/_ __ \__)\/ /) ) ) ) \___(__\ \ \/ /` / | / | \ /` | | | | `' \ | \ | jgs (\\ (\\ Y\_\Y\_\ The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night." -<>- My wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug." She got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of my beer! -<>- ,{{}}}, {{/ \}} }}}~.~{{{ {{\ - /}} }}})-({{{ /{{ V ((\ / ( ) \ / /`\- -/`\ \ \ \ ) ( / / `\\/ \//` (/_._._._\) | | | | | | | | After |_ _ _ _| jgs |/ \| / \ / \ `-' '-` One day a mother took her 6-year-old son with her to visit a friend at work. Everyone there knew her, and she was offered a cup of coffee. That day, as one of the employees went to make more coffee, her son followed her and asked, "What are you doing?" "I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered. Imagine the woman's shock when she heard her son say, "Wow! You know how to make beer?" -<>- A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a rifle. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asked the clerk. "Are you kidding?" she says. "He doesn't even know that I'm going to shoot him!" ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: Andy Says... Just Think About This! "I care not what others think of what I do, but I care very much about what I think of what I do. That is character!" --Teddy Roosevelt ================== According to the obituary notices, a mean and unimportant person never dies. ================= Alexander Bell is alive and well, and still waiting for a dial tone! ================ Trust...that whatever happens, there is someone who will understand. ================ Honesty...the feeling that you never need to hold back. ================ Peace...in being accepted for who you really are. ================ Beauty...in outlook more than appearance. ================ Freedom...to be yourself, to change, and to grow. ================ Joy...in every day, in every memory, and in your hopes for the future. ================= Love...to last a lifetime, and even beyond. --D.L. Riepl ================== It's easy enough to be pleasant When life goes by like a song. But the man worthwhile, Is the man who can smile When everything goes dead wrong. -<>- sSSSSSs SS;; SSSS S< ?SSS S> SSS ___)(____ ( \/ ) \||, )( ( / ( \\/ /\ / \ \ \./ )==( / / / \//' ( '|\` \ / \ / ) ( / \ jgs / \ / \ `-........-' / ) / ) /_/|/_/| >To Hear or NOT to Hear While I was attending a Law course, the 'Audi alteram parten' rule was explained to us. Translated it means "To hear the other party" After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn't understand the rule. Responded one man "My Wife" -<>- >Cheapest Votes Two opposing county chairman were sharing a rare moment together. The Democratic chairman said, "I never pass up a chance to promote the party. For example, whenever I take a cab, I give the driver a sizable tip and say, 'Vote Democratic.'" His opponent said, "I have a better scheme, and it doesn't cost me a nickel. I don't give any tip at all. And when I leave, I also say, 'Vote Democratic.'" -<>- >Until They Arrive.... One morning a local highway department crew reaches their job-site and realizes they have forgotten all their shovels. The crew's foreman radios the office and tells his supervisor the situation. The supervisor radios back and says, "Don't worry, we'll send some shovels...just lean on each other until they arrive." -<>- >Just For Pun When crazy glue was invented lots of people became attached to it. Undertakers are nice - they're the last to let people down. If cats could read they would paws after each claws. A man played the organ in his garden to get organically grown food. Some people are on seefood diets: they see food ... they eat it. Those who make sponges get very absorbed in their work. I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded. A sleeping cow is also a bulldozer. She was only a whisky maker, but he loved her still. --Thanks to D.A.F. and Posted From Aiken -<>- _ _ / ) ( | ____|__ ./ \. ./) (\. (_______________) (((((((((( )))) )))) ^ ^ (((( (((( )))) )))) c b(((( ((((\ ___, /))))) ))))\_`-' _/((((( jgs (((((( `--' )))))) )))))) (((((( Golden Wedding Anniversary Thoughts A couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. "In all that time, did you ever consider a divorce?" "Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," one said. "Murder sometimes, but never divorce. -<>- __.............__ .--""``` ```""--. ':--..___ ___..--:' \ ```"""""""``` / .-` ___.....-----.....___ '-. .:-""`` ~ ~ ``""-:. /`-..___ ~ ~ ~___..-'\ / ~ '`""---.........---""` \ ; ; ; '::. ' ~ .:' _. ; | '::: ' .:' ~ | |~ .:' . _ ':. | | .:' ':.~ | | ':. . ~ . _ .: | ; '::. _ /|| .;' ; ; ': ( } \||D ; \.:'.:':. | /\__,=_[_] / \ ':. ~ |_\__ |----| ` / '. '::.. _ | |/ |--. |_ ~ .' '-._':' | /_ | | `'-_.-' jgs (``''--..._____...--''``) `"--...__ __...--"` ````` Hello!! I'm Tony......Also Known As.....Senior Citizen which means I'm well passed 50 - meaning ... I 'Passed' 50 at about 95 mph) There's some things you need to know.... Soon as I remember I'll tell you what they are. I'm the Life of the Party .......even when it lasts 'till 7pm. However, I'm Usually interested in goin' home long before I get to where I'm goin'. I'm Smilin' all the time, cause I can't hear a word you're sayin'. I'm also good at tellin' Stories...... over and over and over again! I'm good on a trip for at least an hour, without my BenGay, Aspirin, Antacid...... I'm even good at opening Childproof caps...... With a Hammer! I'm for Sure aware that other people's Grandchildren aren't as bright as mine. Ever noticed that they're making Adults much Younger these days? I'm walking more .....(to the bathroom) and enjoying it less. I'm the first one to find that bathroom wherever I go. I'm Positive I did housework correctly before the Internet. And, I'm sure everything I can't find, is in a secure place. I'm a walking storeroom of facts ..... I've just misplaced the storeroom. I'm now spending more time with my pillows than with my spouse and I'm awake Many Hours before my body allows me to get up. I'm in the *Initial* state of my Golden Years: SS, Cd's, IRA's, AARP I've been wondering, If you're only as old as you feel, how could I still be alive since I 'passed' 50? I'm supporting all movements now.... by eating bran, prunes, raisins & chuggin' Geritol. I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care, and Medicare! I'm having trouble remembering simple words like.....duh.... I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my right leg. I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies. I'm not Grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, enemas, politicians..... I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory, and just generally antipodal. (Diametrically opposed; exactly opposite.) I'm a Senior Citizen and I'm told I'm having the time of my Life! -<>- _,,,_ //_\\\\ ;/ \\\\; ( '7' ) ; _ ; \ _ / .---)_(---. /\\ <_> //\ ; > / \ <' _; | | | | | | _____| |\_|_|_/_ |_______ / / / / / /| / \/==/------, /==/ //| / (\( - / \\( //|| / / ~~~~ / // || / '------' // || /__________________________// || |-------------------------;; || || || | || |==|| || || || || |==||==| || || || ||jgs|/ / / / / || |/ || (__/ (__/ || || || || || |/ |/ >My Geneology... My family coat of arms ties at the back ... is that normal? My family tree is a few branches short! All help appreciated. My ancestors must be in a witness protection program! Shake your family tree and watch the nuts fall! My hobby is genealogy, I raise dust bunnies as pets. How can one ancestor cause so much TROUBLE?! I looked into my family tree and found out I was a sap ... I'm not stuck, I'm ancestrally challenged. I'm searching for myself; Have you seen me? If only people came with pull-down menus and on-line help ... Isn't genealogy fun? The answer to one problem leads to two more! It's 2001 ... Do you know where your G-G-Grandparents are? A family reunion is an effective form of birth control. A family tree can wither if nobody tends it's roots. A new cousin a day keeps the boredom away. After 30 days unclaimed ancestors will be adopted. Am I the only person up my tree ... sure seems like it. Any family tree produces some lemons, some nuts, and a few bad apples. Ever find an ancestor HANGING from the family tree? FLOOR: The place for storing your priceless genealogy records. Gene-Allergy: It's a contagious disease but I love it. Genealogists are time unravelers. Genealogy is like playing hide and seek: They hide ... I seek! Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to better people. "Crazy" is a relative term in my family. A pack rat is hard to live with but makes a fine ancestor. I want to find ALL of them! So far I only have a few thousand. I Should have asked them BEFORE they died! I think my ancestors had several "Bad heir" days. I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the JUNEflower. Only a Genealogist regards a step backwards, as progress. Share your knowledge, it is a way to achieve immortality. Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools! It's an unusual family that hath neither a lady of the evening or a thief. Many a family tree needs pruning. Shh! Be very, very quiet ... I'm hunting forebears. Snobs talk as if they had begotten their own ancestors! That's strange: half my ancestors are WOMEN! I'm not sick, I've just got fading genes. Genealogists live in the past lane. Cousins marrying cousins: Very tangled roots! Cousins marrying cousins: A non-branching family tree Alright! Everybody out of the gene pool! Always willing to share my ignorance ... Documentation ...The hardest part of genealogy. Genealogy: Chasing your own tale! Genealogy ... will I ever find time to mow the lawn again? That's the problem with the gene pool: NO Lifeguards I researched my family tree ... and apparently I don't exist! -<>- >What's For Sale? A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale" sign out front. After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing. "Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, "HORSE for sale." -<>- Just To Inspire You .-""-._ / ___/ \ _&_ _.--""|/ `\| // \\ .' ( ^/ ^ )'. / / \ \ / | _ | \ // / \ \\ | _\____/ | /_/_/_\_\_\ | .' \____/-._ | .-"-. | / `; /# \ | / / _|_.---\ | | |.-.; :--.-(_/.____/.-""\___/"-. / \ / ~~/ /\ \{"=.______.="} /--. ; /___/_~~/ ; .--\"=...__...="} / \-/ `\______|/ \-.______..-; | /`| | \ | |||| || | /_ | |_______/ | |||| || | \_/| |-------' |--'||'--._|| | | | | || |> |______| |____________|._ || _..-;| | [___] | `||() || |______ |\/|____________|jgs|| () (__) \__/ (__) () >If I Have to Be Your Best Friend If I have to be your best friend If that's all I can get Then I'll take the job with honor I'll be the best one yet. I'll offer you my shoulder I'll show how I care I'll be there when you need me I'm not going anywhere. If I have to be your best friend The one who hears you cry Then I'll take the job with honor I'll take the job with pride. My love for you is stronger Then you will ever know But for you to ever love me I will have to let you go. You need time to find your purpose You need time to sort your thoughts But when the course has ended And the race is finally run. Remember it's your best friend Who has loved you from day one. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) St.Patirck's Day Animations http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_p-t.html Rainbow Eucalyptus Tree! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rainbowtree.html Expensive Hotel Rooms! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html Road Train Trucks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/roadtrain.html Relics From The Past! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/relics.html Mountain Biking! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mountainbiking.html MacGyver - How To DO It #4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver4.html Life's Little Oops 11! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops11.html Fire Rainbow Cloud! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/firerainbow.html Extreme Homes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/exhomes.html Best Of Nat.Geo 2012! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/natgeo2012.html -<>- >From Our Friend Johanna :) She sent us one we have here... Maxine On St.Patrick's Day http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonpatday.html --- ...Turn up the sound and have a jig! LOL! Thanks Johanna! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) A 5 year old Russian girl sings the Beatles song Oh Darling. http://tinyurl.com/7sfd48h --- ...Adorable! So cute! Thanks Linda! Wow, she normally speaks Russian - not english! Famous People Who Died in 2012 (morph) - Dare to be Great V2.0 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3CpbA4eRQMU --- ...Lots of memories. Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) A few minutes of horses and acrobats to enjoy................ Cavalia Odysseo................. http://tinyurl.com/c69vxsh --- ...Aww, very impressive! Love It! Thanks LouiseA! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "People are going on dates now to coffee bars. This is the worst idea. Four cappuccinos later, your date doesn't look any better." --Margot Black "I hate driving, and I hate when people honk at me. Unless I'm making a left turn. Then I like it because that's how I know it's time to turn." --Rita Rudner "The only comfort you can take from eating at a Denny's is that you know for sure that all over America, everyone else at a Denny's is just as unhappy as you are." --Drew Carey "I married a younger man. Five years younger than I am. I figure it like this: If you can't find a good man, raise one." --Unknown "I have come to realize that we are all truly on our own. Today, my wife yelled, 'What do you want from me? I made you a bowl of cereal!'" --Paul Alexander "It's important to recycle your Christmas tree. In fact, we recycle the ornaments. We let the cat lick the tinsel off the tree, then when he coughs up those Brillo fur balls, we use them to clean the grill." -Jay Leno "I had a good weekend. Guillermo and Uncle Frank came over and I smoked a roast in my smoker. I smoked it for 12 hours. Fifteen pounds of roast, 15 guys there, one three pound dog, and not one scrap left. We ate the dog, too, when we were finished." -Jimmy Kimmel This is a great opportunity to let the audience into my private world. You guys don't know who the real guy is. So I'm going to give you some fun facts right now. I'm 6 foot 4. I weigh 178 pounds. For an hour after I was born, doctor said that I was a baby girl. The light was very good; I still don't understand." Conan O'Brien >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************