Whether We Wake Or Sleep ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net =========================== >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) Shangrala has an angel - Jerida Hathcock has made a donation to keep the Shangrala Web Site open during it's heavy traffic times. You can join in and help too by going here and making a Secure PayPal Donation for Shangrala: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html . , )). -===- ,(( ))). ,((( ))))). .:::. ,(((((( ))))))))). :. .: ,((((((((' `))))))))))). : - : ,(((((((((((( ))))))))))))))))_:' ':_(((((((((((((((' `)))))))))))).-' \___/ '-._((((((((((( `))))_._.-' __)( )(_ '-._._((((' `))'---)___)))'\_ _/'((((__(---'((' `))))))))))))|' '|((((((((((((' jim `)))))))))/' '\(((((((((' `)))))))| |(((((((' `))))))| |((((((' /' '\ /' '\ /' '\ /' '\ '---..___..---' ~*~ We THANK YOU Jerida! ~*~ =================================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: Stealing A Mercedes _.=;;=._ .:-'`||`'-:. // || \\ Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes || || || Benz, and after a long trial, the jury || ,//\\, || acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came \\,//' '\\,// back to the judge who had presided at the './.____.\.' hearing. jgs `------' "Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine." "Why?" asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for ?" "Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole." ===================================================================== +-------------- Bizarre 911 Emergency Calls --------------+ A thirty-year-old Maryland man called 911 and reported, "You gotta put out the fire, man. My marijuana plants are burning." When the fire-fighters team arrived they found the man sitting in his kitchen, in the dark, strumming his guitar. A man in La Vergne, Tennessee, called emergency 911 to report that he and his wife had had a fight and he needed police to come to his house and stop her from pouring out all his beer. Velma Ann Wantlin of Houma, Louisiana was issued a citation for improper use of the 911 emergency line. Wantlin called 911 to report her husband for preventing her from watching the season finale of Knots Landing. [Dispatcher] 911. What's your emergency? [Caller] I'm sca- red. [Dispatcher] What's the problem? [Caller] I just got a Ouija board for my birthday and now there's writing on my wall and I can't get it off....This thing is going back to Kmart first thing in the morning! [Dispatcher] 911. What's your emergency? [Caller] Could you send the police to my house? [Dispatcher] What's wrong there? [Caller] I called and someone answered the phone, but I'm not there. =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Budha :) April 28, 2008 1:42 pm _..---.._ .' .-'''-. '. / .' _..._'. \ __ : : /`;' ) : : _,="`\ ,--''` ``'.; : |; ,-; : ; __..==""==.,_| `-, `; .\; / ^\ _,.="// '-,_.--._ '.(;_.'__/`_.-'`\ ,.--''`` _..=. `'--.// `` \ `--, '` `- |_\ '-. | `-._ _.;--`-..___,.-'` `'-...-_:',;`==,| \ _.--',=" / /"=;="=, _.' ,=".-'` .' /| ,=" _.--' .-' "=, : .' | ", `;._ .--'.' .-' .' . ; ,;;\_ . '._.'--'` -' / ,;;;._ '-._ .''.__.' `\_ .' '._ / '._ .(` jgs '._ ';./ `;` You are in your car driving home. Thoughts wander to the game you want to see or meal you want to eat, when suddenly a sound unlike any you've ever heard fills the air. The sound is high above you. A trumpet? A choir? A choir of trumpets? You don't know, but you want to know. So you pull over, get out of your car, and look up. As you do, you see you aren't the only curious one. The roadside has become a parking lot. Car doors are open, and people are staring at the sky. Shoppers are racing out of the grocery store. The Little League baseball game across the street has come to a halt. Players and parents are searching the clouds. And what they see, and what you see, has never before been seen. As if the sky were a curtain, the drapes of the atmosphere part. A brilliant light spills onto the earth. There are no shadows. None. From every hue ever seen and a million more never seen. Riding on the flow is an endless fleet of angels. They pass through the curtains one myriad at a time, until they occupy every square inch of the sky. North. South. East. West. Thousands of silvery wings rise and fall in unison, and over the sound of the trumpets , you can hear the cherubim and seraphim chanting, Holy, holy, holy. The final flank of angels is followed by twenty-four silver-bearded elders and a multitude of souls who join the angels in worship. Presently the movement stops and the trumpets are silent, leaving only the triumphant triplet: Holy, holy, holy. Between each word is a pause. With each word, a profound reverence. You hear your voice join in the chorus. You don't know why you say the words, but you know you must. Suddenly, the heavens are quiet. All is quiet. The angels turn, you turn, the entire world turns and there He is. Jesus. Through waves of light you see the silhouetted figure of Christ the King. He is atop a great stallion, and the stallion is atop a billowing cloud. He opens his mouth, and you are surrounded by his declaration: I am the Alpha and the Omega.' The angels bow their heads. The elders remove their crowns. And before you is a Figure so consuming that you know, instantly you know: Nothing else matters. Forget stock markets and school reports. Sales meetings and football games. Nothing is newsworthy... All that mattered, matters no more.... for Christ has come. Please let me know the exact time you read this. This morning when the Lord opened a window to Heaven, he saw me, and he asked: My child, what is your greatest wish for today? I responded: 'Lord please take care of the person who is reading this message, their family and their special friends. They deserve it and I love them very much'. The love of God is like the ocean, you can see its beginnings but not its end. This message works on the day you receive it. To some it may sound dumb, but the person who sent this to me was impressed with its timing. Let us see if it is true. ANGELS EXIST, but sometimes, since they don't all have wings we call them FRIENDS, SUCH AS YOU. Pass this on to your true friends. SOMETHING GOOD WILL HAPPEN TO YOU TODAY. SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR. THIS IS NOT A JOKE; SOMEONE WILL CALL YOU BY PHONE OR WILL SPEAK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING THAT YOU WERE WAITING TO HEAR. DO NOT BREAK THIS CHAIN. SEND IT TO A MINIMUM OF 4 PEOPLE. Put the Date and Time in the 'Subject' area when you read it. --- ________ _________ \________\--------___ ___ ____----------/_________/ \_______\----\\\\\\ //_ _ \\ //////-------/________/ \______\----\\|| (( ~|~ ))) ||//------/________/ \_____\---\\ ((\ = / ))) //----/_____/ \____\--\_))) \ _)))---/____/ \__/ ((( (((_/ Andrew Fabbro | -))) - )) ...4/29/08 11:43 This one is so true! Thank You Budha! My son, Victor and I were just talking about this. Many people don't believe in The Resurrection because they feel God wouldn't hurt people by causing such catastrophes as people suddenly rising and leaving their body. If you watched the movie Left Behind, you know what they are saying. Airplane pilots suddenly gone, train engineers, bus drivers, cab drivers - you name it and their helpless passengers are left behind to crash and burn. However, The Resurrection is not a myth or some man made thinking to get people to be afraid and turn to God in fear. It is part of what will be and God tells us about it in His Word. - Whether We Wake Or Sleep - 1 Thessalonians 5: 1-11 "But of the times and the seasons, brethren, ye have no need that I write unto you. For yourselves know perfectly that the day of the Lord [Resurrection] so cometh as a thief in the night. For when they shall say, Peace and safety; then sudden destruction cometh upon them, as travail upon a woman with child; and they shall not escape." "But ye, brethren, are not in darkness, that that day should overtake you as a thief. Ye are all the children of light, and the children of the day: we are not of the night, nor of darkness. Therefore let us not sleep, as do others; but let us watch and be sober. For they that sleep sleep in the night; and they that be drunken are drunken in the night. But let us, who are of the day, be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love; and for an helmet, the hope of salvation." "For God hath not appointed us to wrath, but to obtain salvation by our Lord Jesus Christ, Who died for us, that, Whether We Wake Or Sleep, we should live together with Him. Wherefore comfort yourselves together, and edify one another, even as also ye do." God is love. And if you look at this with that in mind, then you know that people will have time instead of killing countless of others by suddenly disappearing. God is a much bigger God then these people give Him credit for., The creator of the entire universe certainly can orchestrate the Return Of His Son so that people who are to repent and be saved afterwards are not needlessly destroyed and killed! God tells us the time will come as a thief in the night. We cannot prepare for it except to be in the light which is to be saved by the Grace of God through Jesus Christ our Lord prior to these events. Those of us that are alive and not asleep [dead] will know. Victor and I feel there will be time. After all, the dead in Christ will rise first. There is no mention of how much time this will take - all we know is that when we are resurrected, it takes very little time to put on the new body that God gives us... 1 Corinthians 15:51-54 "Behold, I shew you a mystery; We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed, In a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trump: for the trumpet shall sound, and the dead shall be raised incorruptible, and we shall be changed." "For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality. So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory." Praise God! Isn't God Good? :) Visit Here for Great Teachings on this: The Hope Of The Return http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/hopeofthereturn.html I THESSALONIANS Chapter Four http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/1thessalonians4.html I THESSALONIANS Chapter Five Part 1 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/1thessalonians5-1.html THE THIRD HEAVEN AND EARTH http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/thirdheavenandearth.html ======================================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: Our Flag ============;===========;() # # # #:::::: # # # #:::::: # # # #:::::: # # # #:::::: # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # jgs # # # # # # # I AM THE FLAG OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA I am the flag of the United States of America. My name is Old Glory. I fly atop the world's tallest buildings. I stand watch in America's halls of justice. I fly majestically over institutions of learning. I stand guard with power in the world. Look up and see me. I stand for peace, honor, truth and justice. I stand for freedom. I am confident. I am proud. When I am flown with my fellow banners, my head is a little higher, my colors a little truer. I bow to no one! I am recognized all over the world. I am saluted - I am loved. I am revered. I am respected -- and I am feared. I have fought in every battle of every war for more then 200 years. I was flown at Valley Forge, Gettysburg, Shiloh and Appamatox. I was there at San Juan Hill, the trenches of France, in the Argonne Forest, Anzio, Rome and the beaches of Normandy, Guam. Okinawa, Korea and KheSan, Saigon, Vietnam. I was there. I led my troops, I was dirty, battleworn and tired, but my soldiers cheered me And I was proud. I have been burned, torn and trampled on the streets of countries I have helped set free. It does not hurt, for I am invincible. I have been soiled upon, burned, torn and trampled on the streets of my country. And when it's by those whom I've served in battle -- it hurts. But I shall overcome -- for I am strong. I have slipped the bonds of Earth and stood watch over the uncharted frontiers of space from my vantage point on the moon. I have borne silent witness to all of America's finest hours. When I am torn into strips and used as bandages for my wounded comrades on the battlefield, When I am flown at half-mast to honor my soldier, Or when I lie in the trembling arms of a grieving parent at the grave of their fallen son or daughter, I am proud. MY NAME IS OLD GLORY LONG MAY I WAVE. ============;===========;() # # # #:::::: # # # #:::::: # # # #:::::: # # # #:::::: # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # # jgs # # # # # # # DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN: LONG MAY I WAVE PLEASE FORWARD MY MESSAGE TO ALL WHO STILL LOVE AND RESPECT ME, THAT I MAY FLY PROUDLY FOR ANOTHER TWO HUNDRED YEARS. Author Unknown.......................... -<>- _ (_) <___> | |______ | |* * * ) | | * * (_________ | |* * * |* *|####) | | * * *| * | (________________ | |* * * |* *|####|##############| | | * * *| * | | | | |* * * |* *|####|##############| | |~~~~~~| * | | | | |######|* *|####|##############| | | |~~~' | | | |######|########|##############| | | | | | | |######|########|##############| | |~~~~~~| | | | | |########|##############| | | '~~~~~~~~| | | | |##########JGS#| | | '~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | | | We became one.... As the soot and dirt and ash rained down, We became one color. As we carried each other down the stairs of the burning building, We became one class. As we lit candles of waiting and hope, We became one generation. As the firefighters and police officers fought their way into the inferno, We became one gender. As we fell to our knees in prayer for strength, We became one faith. As we whispered or shouted words of encouragement, We spoke one language. As we gave our blood in lines a mile long, We became one body. As we mourned together the great loss We became one family. As we cried tears of grief and loss We became one soul. As we retell with pride of the sacrifice of heroes We become one people. We are One color One class One gender One faith One body One family One soul One people One generation One language _ (_) <___> | |______ | |* * * ) | | * * (_________ | |* * * |* *|####) | | * * *| * | (________________ | |* * * |* *|####|##############| | | * * *| * | | | | |* * * |* *|####|##############| | |~~~~~~| * | | | | |######|* *|####|##############| | | |~~~' | | | |######|########|##############| | | | | | | |######|########|##############| | |~~~~~~| | | | | |########|##############| | | '~~~~~~~~| | | | |##########JGS#| | | '~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | | | We are The Power of One. We are United. We are America. May we always remain a changed people..... changed for the better.... and may we never forget. -<>- <> .-"""-. ||::::::========== /= ___ \ ||::::::========== |- /~~~\ | ||::::::========== |=( '.' ) | ||================ \__\_=_/__/ ||================ {_______} ||================ /` * `'--._|| /= . [] . { > / /|ooo |`'--'|| ( )\_______/ || \``\/ \ || `-| == \_| || / | || |= >\ __/ || \ \ |- --| || \ __| \___/ || jgs _{__} _{__} || ( )( ) || ^^~ `""" `""" ~^^^~^^~~~^^^~^^^~^^^~^^~^ Moon Mission NASA is launching a rocket to the moon. On board there are two pigs and Kiki, a stunning blond. When the rocket is outside the stratosphere, the first stage drops off. Contact is made: "Houston here, Pig 1, Pig 1, do you read us? Over." "Oink, oink, here Pig 1, read you loud and clear." "Pig 1, do you still know your instructions?" "Yes, when we get to the moon, I press the red button to initiate the moon landing. Over." "That's right. Over and out." They go on until the rocket separates its booster stage. "Hello, Pig 2? Come in please." "Oink, oink, here Pig 2, read you loud and clear." "OK, Pig 2 do you remember your instructions?" "Yes, when we've landed on the moon and are ready to leave, I press on the green button to initiate the launch program." "That's right, Pig 2. Over and out." An hour later, when the rocket has achieved the correct speed the last stage drops off as planned. Ground control contacts the astronauts again. "Houston here, Kiki, come in. Kiki do you read us?" "Kiki here, reading you loud and clear." "Kiki, do you remember your instructions?" "Yes," Kiki says, "I feed the two pigs and keep my hands off any buttons." -<>- The Blonde Joke A guy walks into a bar and starts chatting with a tall, attractive blonde woman. During the course of the conversation he says would you like to hear a 'blonde' joke ? "Well", says the girl, "I'm obviously blonde, I'm 6 feet tall without heels and I've been training in judo for the past 5 years." Raising her voice slightly she went on, "My flatmate's blonde, she's 6 feet 2 inches tall, has been involved in karate for 10 years, she's a black belt and has been Southern Counties Ladies' Champion for the past 3 years. Lastly she added "My next door neighbor's blonde, she weighs over 200 pounds and is a professional womens' wrestler, do you still want to tell the joke about a blonde ?" "Well no" came the reply, "Not if I've got to explain it 3 times". -<>- ,. (\(\) ,_ ; o > {`-. / (_) `={\`-._____/` | `-{ / -=`\ | `={ -= = _/ / `\ .-' /` {`-,__.'===,_ //` `\\ jgs // `\= Unique Breakfast A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read, "Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied. "Baked tongue of chicken?... Baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?" "Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied. -<>- I am submitting this poem that was written by a paramedic classmate of mine from Paris Junior college in Paris TX. This is really touching I hope everyone enjoys. _____ .'.---.'. // , \\ || `| || || | || || -'- || .-"`'-.,_ _,.-'`"-. / .'--,___`"""`___,--'. \ | /:////_'---'_\\\\:\ | \|:|// `_ _` \\|:|/ '-/| (6/ \6) |\-' \\ | | // `| (._.) |` | _ _ | jgs \ '---' / '--.___.--' Tribute To The Fallen They had answered a call in the early morning light. a hope to find people alive in a crashed airplane flight. they were brave souls, professionals,in their own right. They entered a very dangerous horrific sight. they gave their lives in hope to save others. they were firemen, policemen, paramedics, fathers and mothers,sisters and brothers. it is terrible in what happen next. another plane crashes above and now their names will forever be etched in text. I cry for the innocent who lost their lives too. god help us all and forgive us for what we do. I cry for families of the dead where ever they be. for you see those brave people are in the same profession as me. written by, David Walton,EMT-I Paris EMS reserves submitted by Martina Pulliam paramedic student Paris Jr. college Paris,Texas -<>- What would a lightbulb be like if it was designed by: An artist: The lightbulb will look absolutely awesome. However despite being told the exact socket size and shape at the beginning of manufacture, when produced there is no way it can ever be fitted into the socket without destroying it. If you ever did get it into the socket, it would use all the electricity in the world. A programmer: The lightbulb will be tiny and jet black. It will only fit in specific sockets designed by the programmer, which are clearly much better than existing sockets. When turned on nothing will happen. The programmer will proudly explain that all the light is inside, but is produced incredibly efficiently. On the next revision, he hopes to produce light on the outside. He will not describe his technique to anyone. A sound designer: 8 lightbulbs are carefully placed at different positions around the room. The lights then switch on and off, on their own, at junctures the designer thought fitting to match whats going in in your house, in a cinematic way. The fact that they turn on and off at times when you're not in the house, or asleep, didn't occur to the designer. A game designer: The lightbulb is an awesome combination of the best features of spotlights, bonfires, strip lights, torches, candles, and uplighters, defining a completely new genre in lighting. This lightbulb is clearly very simple to make, its just no-one was clever enough to think it up before. And don't forget not to include any of the disadvantages of the other forms of lights. A producer: The lightbulb will be a bizarre combination of a 90w lightbulb, an ecofriendly lightbulb, a lightbulb with a flame inside (because that would be so cool), and a badly built feature from a best selling lightbulb 6 months previous to release. It will cost around 14 times what a 90w lightbulb costs. A lead tester: The lightbulb will be made of reinforced concrete. When you turn it on, a phrase from the Sony TRC is displayed on an LCD display under indestructible 4 inch glass. A marketing person: The lightbulb will be stuffed into the packaging for eggs, since marketing eggs worked well before. The marketing campaign will consist of a vole in grainy black and white welcoming you to the 4th place in a growly voice, or a woman with an odd head and a Glasgow accent. At no point will the lightbulb be featured or explained. -<>- The Full House After a hard week at the office, a young lady decided to see a movie by herself and just relax. The movie she picked was a popular one, and the house was packed. She finally found a lone seat in the middle of a row, she excused herself to each person as she slowly worked her way towards the seat, only to find that the guy sitting behind it was slouched down in his seat, with his legs draped over the back of the seat she found. She asked the man to please remove his legs, so she could sit down. He replied, "Uhhh." She repeated her request a little louder, but again he only replied, "Uhhh!" "If you don't move your legs, I'm going to get the usher!" responded the woman. "Uhhh!" was his response. She worked her way back out of the aisle, and came back with an usher. The usher approached the man and said, "Excuse me sir, You'll have to move your legs and sit up. We have a full house tonight, and this is the only available seat." Again, the man replied, "Uhhh!" The usher shot back, "Listen to me sir! If you don't move your legs right now, I'll come back with a cop and have you thrown out!" Again, the man only said, "Uhhh!" "That's it!" snapped the usher, "I'm going to have you thrown out! Where did you come from anyway?" The man weakly pointed upward and groaned,"The balcony!" -<>- Three Ministers Three ministers were sitting in a retirement home discussing religion; a Baptist, a Methodist and a Presbyterian. They start talking about religions other than their own that they admired the most. The Presbyterian Minister said, "I've always admired the Catholics, with their formality, the architecture, the Latin and the grandeur of Mass. I think if I had not been a Presbyterian, I might have been a Catholic." The Methodist Minister chimed in and said, "I've always admired the Amish, with their simple approach to life, their closeness to God and the land. If I hadn't been a Methodist, I think I would have like to have been Amish." The two then turned to their Baptist Brother who had suddenly become very quiet. One of them asked, "Well Brother, if you hadn't been a Baptist, what would you have been?" His one word reply, "Ashamed." -<>- The Blacksmith An old blacksmith realized he was soon going to quit working so hard. He picked out a strong young man to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told the boy. "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Now the town is looking for a new blacksmith. -<>- The Check Out A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her. "Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?" The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, "Not bad." -<>- These are worth reading again - very funny __________________ / _@___@___@___@_ \ |@/ \@| | | | | |@| ,;;;-, |@| | | /;/))))) | | |@| (;/ . .(( |@| .-;;;-. | | ):( > )) | | (((;(::(\ |@| (;)\ = /( |@| ).`\):):) | | )):) .'):) | | < (:(:( |@| .:(:\_(_)( |@| = `\:):\ | | /`::) `\ | | '--')(:(:) |@\_/___________\_/@| )(::)"( jgs \___@___@___@___@___/ .' (::)) / / ;;-` \/ / | Women's Embarrassing Moments.... Curl Up and Die I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?" Melinda Lowe, 39, Seguin, TX Pad, please! An insurance man visited me at home to talk about our mortgage insurance. He was throwing a lot of facts and figures at me, and I wanted to follow as best I could, so I told my 6-year-old son to run and get me a pad. He came back and handed me a Kotex right in front of our guest. Kathy Newman, 46,Winston-Salem, NC Ho, Ho, Ho I was taking a shower when my 2-year-old son came into the bathroom and wrapped himself in toilet paper. Although he made a mess, he looked adorable, so I ran for my camera and took a few shots. They came out so well that I had copies made and included one with each of our Christmas cards. Days later, a relative called about the picture, laughing hysterically, and suggesting I take a closer look. Puzzled, I stared at the photo and was shocked to discover that in addition to my son, I had captured my reflection in the mirror - wearing nothing but a camera! Name Withheld (I wonder WHY! - J.R.) Lady Golfer I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls." Colleen Collins, 31, Ferndale, MI Nuts about You My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my sister has never let me forget. Faye Emerick, 34, Ellerslie,MD (Why SHOULD She! - J.R.) Na-na na-na na-nah! While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter. Amy Richardson; Stafford, VA Surprise! It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ring downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a nude piggyback ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed. When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled, "SURPRISE!" My entire family: aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all my friends were standing there. My girlfriend and I were frozen in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no one in my family has planned a surprise party again. Tim Cahill, Poughkeepsie, NY Priceless One of the funniest "most-embarrassing-moment" stories I've come upon in a long time was about a lady who picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?" Mom's Advice A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around, scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office. He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his desk with his pee-pee hanging out. "I thought I told you to call your mom." she screamed. "I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school." =============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From LifeScript: Antioxidants for What Ails You? On a quest for the elixir of life? Something to fight cancer, prevent heart disease, keep your skin looking young, and head off the brain drain that comes with aging? Look no further than your local farmer’s market or grocery store, where you can find the fruits, vegetables and even treats (chocolate!) that are high in disease-fighting antioxidants. Find out which foods you should be eating, along with 40 easy, delicious ways to add more antioxidants to your diet… click here to read more http://www.lifescript.com/HA/46791_4238409_10604_0.htm How To Love Your Body Beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, but what happens when our vision is skewed by media ideals of perfection? You end up with a lot of beautiful women obsessing over their “imperfections” and suffering from heartbreaking insecurities. No female is untouched by this inner torment – not even beauty queens. That’s the very realization that made one Miss America hopeful decide to expose the ugly truth about how women perceive their bodies, while showing how beautiful women really are… click here to read more http://www.lifescript.com/HA/47866_4238409_10875_0.htm -<>- >From CCA: California Citizens Gather 1.1 Million Signatures (400,000 more than needed) to put Constitutional Marriage Amendment Banning Homosexual "Marriages" on November Ballot That will bring the total number of states upholding traditional marriages between one man and one woman to 30. More states are expected to pass such amendments during the next few years. California's ballot measure will add to the constitution 14 words: "Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California." Once the voters in California pass the marriage constitutional amendment, liberal California state legislators and judges will no longer be able to approve legislation mandating homosexual "marriages." The governor of California has already vetoed two homosexual "marriage" bills, thus preventing the abomination which 4 radical judicial tyrants -- led by Margaret Marshall, the judge wwho was actually born in South Africa -- mandated for the state of Massachusetts several years ago. -- Yesterday was 2-Year Anniversary of Democrat Speaker Nancy Pelosi's Promise that "Democrats have a Commonsense Plan to Help Bring Down Skyrocketing Gas Prices"/Since Democrats Took Over Control of Congress, Gas Prices Have INCREASED $1.20 Per Gallon Yesterday, Senate Republican Leader Mitch McConnell (KY) asked "What is the Democrats' 'commonsense plan' to lower gas prices? And what is taking them so long to unveil it? The American people are waiting -- and paying more at the pump each day they wait." Thursday was the 2-year anniversary of the promise by the new Democrat Speaker of the House of Representatives, Nancy Pelosi, promising that if given control of the Congress, the "Democrats have a commonsense plan to help bring down skyrocketing gas prices." However, instead of bringing them down, since the Democrats took over Congress last year, there has been an incredible INCREASE in gasoline prices: an increase of $1.20 per gallon, from $2.33 per gallon to $3.53 per gallon. The average family would have spent $2,671 per year on gas at $2.33 per gallon last year. Today, that same family spends nearly $4,063 per year on gas at $3.53 per gallon! That is an increase of nearly $1,400 for a family's budget. Senator Kit Bond, R-MO said yesterday: "The people who made the promises failed to bring the change that they promised. I'm referring to April 24 (2006) when Nancy Pelosi announced that ‘Democrats have a commonsense plan to help bring down skyrocketing gas prices.’ She told the American people that if they put Democrats in charge of the House and Senate, we would all see lower gas prices." Senator John Cornyn, R-TX said on the Senate floor yesterday: "I, too, think it's important to remember that since Speaker Pelosi made that promise two years ago, we have not had anything happen in the United States Congress that would indicate that this commonsense plan to help bring skyrocketing gas prices down is any closer today than it was two years ago. So while the majority, which really runs the United States Congress, is quick to blame others for high oil prices, it is in fact their inaction that continues to raise gas prices...." -- Senator Brownback said during his testimony: "Studies have shown that abstinence education is effective in decreasing the number of teen pregnancy and rates of sexually transmitted diseases among youth..." Senator Brownback continued, "Parents want the best for their children, and have high expectations and goals for their futures. It is ironic that most of my colleagues agree that abstinence education is preferred but are not willing to fund such programs at the same level as ‘comprehensive’ sex education, the funding of which is weaved throughout our federal budget. We, as legislators, should not undermine parents’ ambition to raise responsible, healthy children." -- For 23 years, Coach Borden had led his football team in pre-game prayer until some atheist parents began complaining. Thankfully, the football team voted to continue their pre-game prayers. Coach Borden only wanted to bow his head and silently "take a knee' but the radical atheists would not even allow that and federal judge agreed he could do that, but the 3rd circuit court panel overruled that judge last week. -- ACTION ITEM: Please all your Congressman at 202-225-3121 or you can go to http://www.cc.org/contactcongress.cfm and email them and urge them to co-sponsor the Net Neutrality legislation introduced by Republican Congressman Charles "Chip" Pickering and Democrat Congressman Edward Markey called the "Internet Freedom Preservation Act of 2008," H.R. 5353. -- ACTION ITEM: Please continue to ask your Members of Congress to support “Multicast/Equal Access” and religious broadcasters. Call your Congressman and 2 Senators at 202-225-3121 or you can go to http://www.cc.org/contactcongress.cfm and email them and let them know we need a “Multicast/Equal Access" legislation. -- Please keep the above issues in prayer. Through prayer and action great and mighty things can be accomplished. Psalm 33:12 “Blessed is the nation whose God is the Lord…” Please be sure to forward this message on to as many people as possible! -<>- >From BizarreNews: _, .--. ( / ( '-. jgs .-=-. ) -. / ( .' . \ \ ( ' ,_) ) \_/ (_ , /\ ,_/ '--\ `\--` _\ _\ `\ \ _\_\ `\\ \\ -.'.`\.'.- -- Lightning strikes twice at Pa. home ---------- BALDWIN, Pa. - A Baldwin, Pa., man says his house caught fire after it was struck by lightning for the second time in its history. The home, which was built by the man's father, was previously struck by lightning when he lived there as a child, WTAE-TV in Pittsburgh reported. The homeowner said a neighbor helped him escape the house after the most recent lightning strike Wednesday night. Firefighters put out the blaze. -- Father of 77 rejects polygamy --------------- GIWE ABOSSA, Ethiopia - A man in Ethiopia with 11 wives says he has changed his mind about polygamy and is urging others not to go the same route he did. Ayattu Nure, 56, said he married his 11 wives as a way of sharing his wealth but the costs involved in raising his 77 children have depleted his fortune, The Daily Telegraph reported Thursday. "I want my children to be farmers but I have no land, I want them to go to school but I have no money," he said. Ayattu said his wives gave birth to 100 babies total but 23 of the children died at young ages. He said the size of his family makes it difficult for him to spend as much time as he would like with each of his wives and children and he often has trouble feeding them all. "People see me as a funny man but there is no fun in my condition. I am a desperate man struggling to survive," he told The Daily Telegraph. He said the government has refused to help him, despite his pleas for assistance in obtaining photographs of his children so they will be allowed to attend school. _,, "-.\= \\= _.~ _|/||||)_ ejm97 \ \ -- Zebra found in college building ------------- OXFORD, Ga. - Campus police at Georgia's Emory University at Oxford said they were investigating the case of a kidnapped zebra that turned up in a college building. Curtis Jackson, who owns Barcode the zebra, said he did not realize the 800-pound mammal was missing until Wednesday morning when animal control officials returned it to his 53-acre home, which is located about one mile from the college, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported Thursday. "He's back in his pen, and he seems a little rowdy right now, but otherwise I think he's OK," Jackson said. Campus police said Barcode was discovered on the third floor of Seney Hall when public safety workers opened the building Wednesday morning. Animal control officials said it did not take long to identify the zebra. "How many people own zebras around here?" said Newton County Animal Control Director Teri Key-Hooson. "We figured it was Mr. Jackson's because we made a call out there for his zebra a couple of years ago." Dean Stephen Bowen said the unknown zebra-nappers took measures to ensure the animal wasn't harmed. "They lined up a row of chairs so the animal couldn't get close to the windows and injure itself," he said. -<>- >From CoffeeBreak: Priest holds mass in arcade A priest in the town of Avezzano, Italy, said he decided that if he couldn't bring young people to mass, he would bring mass to the video arcade. Father Duilio Testa, 78, said falling church attendance among the younger generation led him to hold a service in a video arcade that was packed with youngsters, ANSA reported Tuesday. "At the start, they were all a bit surprised," he said. "But then they stopped playing and helped to prepare an altar and volunteered to read bits of the Gospel. Everyone paid attention throughout the holy mass." Testa credited his missionary work in Africa with giving him the creativity to bring mass to young people. ''I hit upon this idea thinking about the fact that so many young people are distancing themselves from the church and choosing to hang out together in different ways and in different places, whether they be discos and games arcades, away from parents with whom they don't feel at ease,'' he said. Old-fashioned baby names back in style Old-fashioned names such as Abigail and Sadie have become popular once again for U.S. babies, author Laura Wattenberg says. Wattenberg, author of "The Baby Name Wizard: A Magical Guide to Finding the Perfect Name for Your Baby," said people are more open to choosing these types of names because they are old enough to have fresh new meaning, The Washington Times reported. "Old names -- like Emma -- are definitely coming back. It's made the perfect 'U' (graph). There is typically a 90-year or so period before we're willing to revive names again," Wattenberg said. The old names have also become popular because they remind parents of a seemingly simpler time, said Nancy Schlossberg, a retired counseling psychology professor at the University of Maryland. "We idealize previous generations especially at a nervous time like this. Picking an old name is a way to connect to what we think was a more stable time," Schlossberg told the newspaper. ================================================================== >-->From Our Friend Tony In Australia :) ____________________ ____________________ | | ____ | | | CAN YOU GIVE ME | / \I -BUT I CAN ADD A | | ONE GOOD REASON | ( NO PITCHFORK AND A | /\ | WHY I SHOULD LET | \____/I TAIL TO THAT "GO | ( ) | YOU IN? | | TO HELL" ICON. | _)(_ _ |_______________ .___| |_____. _____________|~ __ ~-._ \"~-. \| |/ (_ /~,^ .r~T T~i. ^.~\ _) ` ' \ \/ ,^|| | | ||^. \/ / _____ ___ _ Y / || |[]| || \ Y .--. .^ ,^^\.-. {___~ ) | Y || | | || Y | / __ \ / ) / -- )_ \ c|..^o | | || |[]| || | | / ( (\ \ /( ) ,>.| ) \ |c_,| <| |===||=| |=||===| |> ( ( (\ Y __ (/ o Y).--^-------. )_/l <| |===||=|[]|=||===| |> ( ( (\l)/ \ )I | [~~~~~~~\| `--.\---x. || | | || | | ( ( ( (|Y Y ( |\| | \ _____\__ _ _/r~) )\_ ||_|[]|_||_ _| | ( \ \ || |____>-| | T = |.__\\<\`^ ", \~|| | | || ~ | |" \ \ (\| '~~ Y____|_I__l_n___|_ / `---c~~^. Y'~^|_.^"`|_.-^-|_ ( \ ( ( (| | | | [=o H .=.]_ `-I~T~Y |- __ ( \ \ l | | l___[___H____] ~"_| | | ,t __ "~ ~" \ ( \ \I\ | |[_________H____] / | l_j_.-T |--"~~ ~"-.__,.-" \ \ \ ||`----^-' :\_______H__/ \/| | |-.._ ( \|; : | |.. .. H.|^,__.-| : : |_ _.--~~"--.. \ | _ l _ : ||| || H|| __ ! | ' l "~" -Row ._ _" _|,-' ~"-' ~-.L|^.||_H|^-"~ ~"-. ._ \_.-"~-.__ "~ "~ ._ __,--.__~~ ~-._ _. "~~ ~~~" ~~" ~~" "~~~" ->HeavenComic<- FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper. St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest,it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven." Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was." St. Peter continued, "Yes, I now, Forrest, but the test is only three questions. First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How many seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God's first name?" Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over,tell me your answers" Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow." The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asked St. Peter. "How many seconds in a year?Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve." Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve?Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?" Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd.. " "Hold it," interrupts St.Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind....but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question.Can you tell me God's first name"? "Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy." "Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. "Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in theworld did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?" "Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from the song, "ANDYWALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN." St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates,and said: "Run Forrest, run." Give me a sense of humor, Lord. Give me the ability to understand a clean joke, To get some humor out of life, And to pass it on to other folks --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Tony! =================================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: President Calvin Coolidge, 30th U.S. president (1923 to 1929) was a man of very few words. One Sunday he went to church, but his wife, Grace, stayed home. When he returned, she asked, "Was the sermon good?" "Yup," was Coolidge's brief reply. "What was it about?" Grace asked. "Sin." "And what did the minister say?" "He's against it." ------------------------------------- At a party, a woman walked up to Calvin Coolidge and said, "My husband bet me I couldn't get three words out of you." Coolidge replied "You lose." -<>- It's said that Abraham Lincoln once sized up the case of a prospective client as follows: "You have a good case, technically, but in terms of justice and equity, it's got problems. So you'll have to look for another lawyer to handle the case, because the whole time I was up there talking to the jury, I'd be thinking, 'Lincoln, you're a liar!' and I might just forget myself and say it out loud." -<>- When I TOOK my daughter, Judy, to visit the Salvador Dali Museum in St. Petersburg, Fla., I struck up a conversation with one of the guards. I noticed that he looked kind of glum, so I asked him what was wrong. "Every day I get the same assignment next to the artist's self-portrait," he said. "And every day - without fail - some clown comes by and says, 'Hello, Dali!'" [Contributed by Bill Copeland to Reader's Digest from which I unceremoniously stole it.] -<>- A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked if he had lost a parrot. He said that he had indeed lost the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him. The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message at the tone." -<>- At the end of a particularly severe winter, we removed the protective covers from our cabin cruiser and found that the weight of the snow had broken the windshield. I drove to the local glass shop, where I paid $110 for a replacement. The owner asked if I'd like them to install it, but I said I could handle it myself. I managed to climb up the ladder to the deck before dropping the glass. Sheepishly I returned to the shop. The owner showed no emotion as he cut the second glass. When I saw another $110 charge, I said, "I thought I might get a break on the second piece of glass." "I did give you a break," he replied. "How so?" I asked. "I didn't laugh, did I?" he answered. -<>- è una cosa davvero incredibi le:ho usato tutto il fasc ino non indiffe rente di cui disp ongo; le ho portato fiori senza risparmia re denari - tecnica che ha sempre effetto sui cuo ri delle fanciulle. ho fa tto tutto ciò che potevo e di solito ciò funzion a. ma giunti al dunqu e mi ha r i s posto... On a spring break trip to Italy, my friends and I were standing just inside St. Peter's Basilica, the second largest church in the world. The tour guide explained, "This church is so large that no man on earth could hit a baseball from one end to the other, not Lou Gehrig, Babe Ruth, or even Mark McGuire." My group stared in silence at the beautiful marble sculptures, intricate paintings, and glorious mosaics all around the enormous building. Then one girl inter- rupted the silence with an astonished question: "You mean, they actually let them hit baseballs in here?" -<>- The old west was full of cowboys who were good cow-ordinators. They had consider-a-bull talent, though sometimes they would stirrup trouble. Sometimes they took hay to bed in order to feed their night mares. One cowboy reached for his gun and drew a blank. Eventually they would go off to a rodeo to try and get a few bucks. =============================================================== >-->From AndyChaps: >A Short Take A young man was infatuated with a certain young woman, but he was so timid he never had the courage to speak to her. In fact, he told his best friend that every time he got near her he felt about as tall as a tiny pebble. "Well," his friend responded, "if you want to get the girl, you'll just have to be a little boulder!" -<>- ,--. \ _\_ _\/_|_\____.'\ -(___.--._____( \ \ \ \ `--' jg During a taxi, the crew of a US Air departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale, made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) lashed out at the US Air crew screaming "US Air 2771, Where are you going? I told you to turn right on "Charlie" taxiway; you turned right on "Delta." Stop right there. I know it's difficult to tell the difference between Cs and Ds but get it right." Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically, "Darn, you've messed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to. You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about a half hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that, US Air 2771?" The humbled crew responded: "Yes Ma'am." Naturally, the "ground control" frequency went terribly silent after the verbal bashing of US Air Flight 2771. No one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was running high. Shortly after the controller finished her admonishment of the U.S. Air crew, an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?" -<>- >"What Time Is It?" On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon." -<>- >TALIBAN JOKES Q: How do you play Taliban bingo? A: B-52...F-16...B-1... Q: What is the Taliban's national bird? A: Duck Q: How is Bin Laden like Fred Flintstone? A: Both may look out their windows and see Rubble. Q: Why does the Iraqi Navy have glass bottom boats? A: So they can see their Air Force. Q: What does osama bin laden and General Custer have in common? A: They both want to know where those Tomahawks are coming from! -<>- ** My secret to making a marriage last ** Note: (No Diss Intended... Just a Joke... says Andy) Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesday's, I go Fridays. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Sydney and mine is in Melbourne. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair. Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her. The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!" In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested. Why do men die before their wives? 'Cause they want to. -<>- >The Pacifist Speaks Out 1) Approach pacifist talking about "peace" and saying there should be, "no retaliation." 2) Engage in brief conversation, ask if military force is appropriate. 3) When he says "No," ask, "Why not?" 4) Wait until he says something to the effect of, "Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence." 5) When he's in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can. 6) When he gets back up to up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that would, "be awful and he should not cause more violence." 7) Wait until he agrees that he has pledged not to commit additional violence. 8) Punch him in the face again, harder this time. Repeat steps 5 through 8 until they understand that sometimes it is necessary to hit back -<>- ** A True Story** (Andy Says... perhaps for adults only) .-"-. * ( + / \ . ) ) ) |# | ( * . ( . \___/ . + .-"-. * /^ + ( / \ ) ( .-"-. ) + . |# | ( * / \ ( ) \___/ ) ( |# | ( ' * /^ ) \___/ ( * ' ( ^\ * ' . \ , , , , , ' \ + ) | | | | | ) . Happy Anniversary: By Allen Klein (From: Chicken Soup For The Soul) My father-in-law, who was suffering from brain cancer, came home from a hospital stay. It was his and my mother- in-law's anniversary, so I suggested that they invite a few friends over for dinner. Jimmy managed to get out of bed to join us. The strain of feeding himself and the presence of guests were obviously tiring him. Knowing that he could not hear very well, my mother-in-law passed a note to me to give to him. I read it and laughed hysterically. She remembered what she wrote and laughed too. The note said, "Happy Anniversary, dear. Do you want to go to bed?" Jimmy read his wife's note, looked across the table, and with a twinkle in his eye and a smile on his face said, "I would love to, dear, but we have company." =============================================================== >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) >From LynnLynn's Links: Ken w/ My Last Tear http://gospelman.net/kenssongs/mylasttear.html IMAGINE http://www.wtv-zone.com/Mary/IMAGINE.HTML Marlene w/ He Took Away http://summerhoosier.250free.com/HTML5/He_Took_away_JS.html John w/ Shangri-La http://heavens-gates.com/50s/shangrila/ Carol w/Sisters http://www.carolspoetry.com/sistersby.html Watermelon and Nutrition http://www.watermelon.org/watermelon_nutrition.asp Cook's Thesaurus http://www.foodsubs.com/ Amazing Air Cars http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aircars.html Boeing 787 Dreamliner http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/b787.html 911 Call http://www.buffalosjokes.com/1180603.htm Fleas http://www.buffalosjokes.com/1180604.htm Golf FSI http://www.buffalosjokes.com/60528.htm Stranger Game http://www.buffalosjokes.com/080323.htm The Whole World In His Hands http://buffalosjokes.com/080324.htm Alarm http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011156.htm Cool Parrot http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011157.htm Animal Thieves http://www.buffalosjokes.com/011157.htm To subscribe send a blank email to lynnlynns-links-subscribe@egroups.com ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "The honeymoon is over when he phones to say he'll be late for supper and she's already left a note that it's in the refrigerator." --Bill Lawrence "There's a religious group that goes door-to-door selling cosmetics. They call themselves the Jo-joba's witnesses." --Jeannie Dietz "Electricity can be dangerous. I once watched my nephew try to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded." --Tim Allen "Paris Hilton in going to star in a new reality show where she looks for a new best friend to replace Nicole Richie. So far the front-runner to replace Nicole is a No. 2 pencil." -Conan O'Brien "What a beautiful day. It's 75 and sunny. It was so beautiful, the Statue of Liberty was holding a bottle of Corona." -David Letterman "China is pitching in for green week. From now on, all toys from China will be made with recycled lead." -Jay Leno ---> Visit my CyberHome - ALWAYS OPEN HOOUSE :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/index.html Shangrala ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->Bigham's Computer Rescue - PC Sales && Service You can trust us to provide you with quality computer sales and repair. We've been servicing the Van Wert area since 1981 and can help you with all your computer needs. Please phone us at 419-238-5806 ************************************************************************ -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? 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