Who Runs Our Country And More... :) Shangy!
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Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
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you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
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or email me here:
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================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: The Personality Test
A psychology student was to help a professor in conducting a
personality test. The room was set up with various props in order
to move through the assessment quickly. The first person to enter
the room started through the test.
.-'''''-.
"How does this glass of water look to you?" |'-----'|
Person 1: It is half empty |-.....-|
Student writes 'pessimist' in his report. |::. |
|::. |
Person 2 enters the room. |:::. |
|::::. |
"How does this glass of water look to you?" |::::::.|
Person 2: It is half full. jgs `'-----'`
Student writes 'optimist' in his report
Person 3 enters the room.
"How does this glass of water look to you?"
Person 3: Looks like you have twice as much glass as you need there.
The student looks totally blank and goes to consult with the
professor.
"Oh them!", the professor says, "I forgot to warn you about the
engineers! They have no personality."
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
January 28 is National Kazoo Day, Clash Day, Rattle Snake Round-Up Day
January 29 is National Cornchip Day
January 30 is Escape Day
January 31 is National Popcorn Day and Child Labor Day
February 1 is Serpent Day
February 2 is Purification Day
February 3 is Cordova Ice Worm Day
=======================================================
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
_____ _ _____ ____ /_ /,
| ,-, ) /'_`\ |_ _| | __| \ \>
| `-'< | (_) | | | | _| ) )__ ,_
|_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$
;-''
pb
>Candle
A couple, desperate to conceive a child, went to their priest and asked
him to pray for them. "I'm going on a sabbatical to Rome," he replied,
"and while I'm there, I'll light a candle for you."
When the priest returned three years later, he went to the couple's
house and found the wife pregnant, busily attending to two sets of
twins. Elated, the priest asked her where her husband was so that he
could congratulate him.
"He's gone to Rome, to blow that candle out" came the harried reply.
-<>-
>Collection Plate
A teenager was sitting in church, and when the collection plate was
passed around, he quickly pulled a dollar bill from his pocket and
dropped it in.
Just then, the person behind him tapped him on his shoulder and handed
him a $20 bill. The boy smiled, placed the $20 in the plate, and passed
it on, admiring the man's generosity.
Then the boy felt another tap from behind and heard a whisper: "Son,"
the man said, "that was your $20 bill that had fallen out of your
pocket."
-<>-
>In the Old Days
My daughter was six and excited about learning all the wonderful things
about the world that first-graders learn. She turned to me one day and
asked, "Mom, back in the old days when you were a kid, had they learned
how to make the wheel yet?"
I replied, "No, Sweetie, back then we were just grateful to have fire."
-<>-
>Lots O'Snow
I just got off the phone with a friend who lives in northern
Newfoundland. He said that since early this morning the snow has been
falling and is nearly waist high. The temperature is dropping way below
zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force.
His wife has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just
stare.
He says that if it gets much worse, he may have to let her in.
-<>-
>Muffins
Because the oven was overshooting the set temperature, I shaved a few
minutes off the cooking time for my muffins, set the timer and asked my
husband to keep an eye on them while he did the dishes and I dusted.
Not long after, I smelled something burning and dashed into the kitchen.
"Are those my muffins burning?" I asked Andy.
"Yes," he said as he calmly wiped a dinner plate.
"Then why are they still in the oven?" I cried.
"Because," he replied, "the timer hasn't gone off yet."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
,="=-.
,`'oo' \o`.
( .88 |^||^)) )
, ) ) `@ (@' (.
( ` , `C ' ) `)
`-=' ,/ ._c/ `-='
,-( `-.,')-.
gpyy `( )
`' '`
>I DIED OF SHAME
Annie, 6 years old, gets home from school.
She had her first family planning lesson at school.
Her mother, very interested, asks;" How did it go?"
"I died of shame!" She answers!
“Why?” Her Mother asked.
Annie said, “Kate from down the road, says that the stork brings
babies. Sally next door said you can buy babies at the orphanage. Pete
in my class says you can buy babies at the hospital.”
Her mother answers laughingly “But that’s no reason to be ashamed?”
“No, but I can’t tell them that we we're so poor that you and daddy
had to make me yourselves!”
-<>-
FRM
. .
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>Who runs our country?
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
You can get arrested for expired tags on your car but not for being in
the country illegally.
====================================
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
You have to have your parents signature to go on a school field trip
but not to get an abortion.
====================================
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
An 80 year old woman can be stripped searched by the TSA but a Muslim
woman in a burka is only subject to having her neck and head searched.
====================================
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
Your government believes that the best way to eradicate trillions of
dollars of debt is to spend trillions more of our money.
====================================
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
A seven year old boy can be thrown out of school for calling his
teacher "cute" but hosting a sexual exploration or diversity class in
grade school is perfectly acceptable.
====================================
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
The Supreme Court of the United States can rule that lower courts
cannot display the 10 Commandments in their courtroom, while sitting
in front of a display of the 10 Commandments.
====================================
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
Children are forcibly removed from parents who appropriately
discipline them while children of "underprivileged" drug addicts are
left to rot in filth infested cesspools of a ?home?.
====================================
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
Hard work and success are rewarded with higher taxes and government
intrusion, while some slothful, lazy behavior is rewarded with EBT
cards, WIC checks, Medicaid, subsidized housing, and free cell phones.
====================================
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
The government's plan for getting people back to work is to provide 99
weeks of unemployment checks (to not work).
====================================
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
Being self-sufficient is considered a threat to the government.
====================================
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
Politicians think that stripping away the amendments to the
constitution is really protecting the rights of the people.
====================================
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
The rights of the Government come before the rights of the individual.
====================================
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
You pay your mortgage faithfully, denying yourself the newest big
screen TV while your neighbor defaults on his mortgage (while buying
iPhones, TV's and new cars) and the government forgives his debt and
reduces his mortgage (with your tax dollars).
====================================
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
Being stripped of the ability to defend yourself makes you "safe".
====================================
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
You can write a post like this just by reading the news headlines.
====================================
---
...Oh Gee! Thanks Geniann!
Here's one we are having to contend with ...
You know you live in a Country run by idiots if...
The elderly are treated like livestock and are locked up in a
nursing home just so they are 'safe' (using your tax dollars).
People think that it is better to place the grandparents in a
nursing home against their will to keep them 'safe' and have the
grandparents' Medicare and Medicaid [taxpayers dollars] pay the
enormous monthly fees for it rather than allow the old folks to
stay at home where they are most happy and not in any more harms
way then most any other people are. This only depresses, dehumanizes
and demoralizes those who are able to mostly care for themselves.
All for their own so called 'good' even though it is a proven fact
folks are more prone to get sick and die early in a nursing home
from all the communicable colds, flu and staph infections there
than if they were to just stay in their own home.
Of course, we are not like Japan yet... but close - read this:
Japanese government tells its elderly to die sooner,
saving the government money
http://tinyurl.com/a86tks6
-<>-
___
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'::|_|_|'.:|_|_|
'.:|_|_|
_,,--~~|~~--,,_
/` | `\
|
7
_( ___
|.|\|:-)|__
|'| |___| /
|_| /:::\ ~
David Riley
>Windows vs. Ford
For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way
computers have enhanced our lives, read on.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If Ford had kept
up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be
driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, Ford issued a press release stating:
If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this
part):
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would
have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason.
You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the
windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows
before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept
this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case
you would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but
would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights
would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An
Illegal Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock
you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted
the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to
learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls
would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.
PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call
"customer service" in some foreign country and be instructed in
a foreign, hard to understand accent how to fix your car yourself!
Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate
- their computer!
---
...LOL! Oh so true! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
_ _
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_ / \ 0 |###############|
| | / \ / \ ===================
/ \ / [][] \ _/___\_ \_/\_/\_/\_/\_/\__/
/ \ / [][] \ ) ( | |
/ \ / \ ###### .' '.|[][] [][] [][] |
/ [][] \ | [][] [][] |######| [][] [][] |[][] [][] [][] |
/ [][] \| [][] [][] |######| [][] [][] |[][] [][] [][] |
/ [][] | [][] [][] |######| [][] [][] | |
| __ | __ | | | _____ |
| [][] |==| [] | []| -| [][] |[] [] | [] [] |XXX|[][] [] [] [][]|
| [][] | -| [] | []|__| [][] |[] [] | [] [] [][]|[][] [] [] [][]|
| [][] |__| [] | | | -| [][] | | | || |X|X| |
_|______|__|____|_|_|__=______|_==__-|_______|__||_____|___|_____|
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/^PB_/_/_/_/
>Let's Go Dutch
Let’s Go With the Dutch - but why wait until mid 2013?
The Netherlands, where six per cent of the population is now
Muslim, is scrapping multiculturalism:
The Dutch government says it will abandon the long-standing model of
multiculturalism that has encouraged Muslim immigrants create a
parallel society within the Netherlands.
A new integration bill, which Dutch Interior Minister Piet Hein
Donner presented to parliament on June 16, reads:
"The government shares the social dissatisfaction over the
multicultural society model and plans to shift priority to the values
of the Dutch people.
In the new integration system, the values of the Dutch society play a
central role."
With this change, the government steps away from the model of a
multicultural society.
The letter continues: "A more obligatory integration is justified
because the government also demands that from its own citizens.
It is necessary because otherwise the society gradually grows apart
and eventually no one feels at home anymore in the Netherlands. The
new integration policy will place more demands on immigrants.
For example, immigrants will be required to learn the Dutch language
and the government will take a tougher approach to immigrants who
ignore Dutch values or disobey Dutch law."
The government will also stop offering special subsidies for Muslim
immigrants because, according to Donner; "It is not the government's
job to integrate immigrants." (How bloody true).
The government will introduce new legislation that outlaws forced
marriages and will also impose tougher measures against Muslim
immigrants who lower their chances of employment by the way they dress.
More specifically, the government will impose a ban on face-covering,
Islamic burqas as of January 1, 2013.
Holland has done that whole liberal thing, and realized - maybe too
late - that creating a nation of tribes will kill the nation itself.
The future of Australia, the United States, UK and Canada may well be
read here.
NOTE: Muslim immigrants leave their countries of birth because of civil
and political unrest "CREATED BY THE VERY NATURE OF THEIR CULTURE."
Countries such as Holland, Canada, the UK and Australia have an
established way of life that actually works, so why embrace the
unworkable?
If Muslims do not wish to accept another culture, the answer is simple;
"STAY WHERE YOU ARE!!" "Or go back to where you were!"
Only 86% will send this on. Should be a 100%.
---
...Most interesting! Thanks Geniann!
==================================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
>From Our Friend PatDeE :)
The commentary is short . . . less than 3 minutes.
Very enlightening. The man must have been psychic.
http://www.youtube.com/embed/H3Az0okaHig?rel=0
Top 10 U.S. States Infested by Third World Diseases
http://tinyurl.com/chl8gb8
Here's some pretty grim news overlaid by a national drought while our
fraud-in-chief makes petty little speeches about gun control.
Sadly, America, splintered and polarized, is coming to a time of
testing. The next few years should be very interesting. We have
turned our backs on God. Has God honored our freedom of choice and
turned His back on us?
The Futile Illusion of Prosperity
http://howestreet.com/2012/07/the-futile-illusion-of-prosperity/
---
...Most interesting! Thanks PatDeE!
This may have been written back in July of last year, but it still
rings true today - I haven't seen any changes.
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
Can you say bureaucratic bullshit? How is this for bizarre;
The state of Washington is sending out hundreds of thousands
of $1 checks to the state's neediest residents. It's a plan
that is supposed to bring millions of dollars worth of food
stamps to the state by March.
Leo Ribas, head of community services at the Department of
Social and Health Services, says there's a method to the
state's madness.
"We're trying to do this at a time when people need assistance
the most," said Ribas.
He says if the state's food stamp recipients receive just $1
for energy bill assistance, that qualifies them for extra
federal assistance.
In other words, sending out $1 checks at a cost of $250,000
to the state could bring the state and additional $43 million
in federal funding.
Got all that? This is a perfect example of huge amounts of
money falling through bureaucratic cracks. At this point it
is not even corruption any more. When a bureaucracy gets big
enough money just starts disappearing. Imagine what it is
like on the federal level!
And people wonder how, while they pay 33 percent or more in
taxes, the federal government can still be $7 trillion in
debt.
With all of these weighty political issues occupying our attention it
is nice to know that we can still rely on the occasional crazy, naked
guy to distract our attention in Bizarre News.
Today's crazy, naked guy comes from North Fort Myers, Florida where he
was discovered on a homeowner's roof.
The resident man was tackled by the naked man who jumped off his roof -
and the scene only got more bizarre from there. The man said he was
lying in bed when he and his wife heard what sounded like thunder.
He went outside and saw 21-year-old Gregory Matthew Bruni running
around on the roof. He allegedly jumped off and onto the victim,
hitting him in the shoulder and knocking him down.
Deputies say Bruni then ran into the house and pulled a large-screen TV
off its stand and dumped the contents of a vacuum onto the floor,
because at that point why not?
Bruni then headed toward the couple's son's bedroom, so the man's wife
fired three warning shots from a .38 revolver, frightening him off.
*-- Thieves forced to abandon getaway donkey --*
JUAN DE ACOSTA, Colombia - Colombian authorities said three
men who burgled a convenience store were forced to abandon
their loot when the getaway donkey alerted police with his
braying. Police said the men stole the donkey, 10-year-old
Xavi, and about 12 hours later attempted to have him carry
away the merchandise they took from Fabio Orozco's
convenience store in the town of Juan de Acosta, The Daily
Telegraph reported Thursday. Investigators said police
officers heard the donkey's "hee haws" around 2 a.m., and
the thieves were forced to leave the animal and loot --
which included rum, oil, rice, tuna and sardines -- behind.
Police recovered the donkey and stolen goods, but the
thieves were able to escape on foot. The donkey was return-
ed to owner Orlando Olivares, police said.
*-- Mother of 'bully' punches woman --*
BRUNSWICK, Ohio - Police said an Ohio woman, upset that
another woman called her son a bully, punched the other
woman outside of a middle school. Brunswick Police said
witnesses reported seeing Connie Edmiston, 42, approach
the other woman's car outside of Willetts Middle School
after school Tuesday with her 13-year-old son in tow, and
order the other woman to get out of the vehicle, The Medina
(Ohio) Gazette reported Thursday. The alleged victim rolled
down the window and Edmiston reached in and repeatedly
punched the other woman in the face, witnesses told police.
The alleged victim told investigators she had lectured
Edmiston's son earlier in the school year when she saw him
bully other students. Witnesses said Edmiston was yelling
during the alleged attack about "calling her son a bully."
Police said the alleged victim was taken to Southwest
General Hospital as a precaution because she suffers from
multiple sclerosis and a blow to the head could prove
fatal. Edmiston was arrested shortly after the incident
when she went to the police station to discuss the
incident. She denied hitting the other woman and claimed
the alleged victim had spit in her face. Edmiston was
charged with assault.
*-- Buddhist temple for sale due to odor --*
NAKHON PATHOM, Thailand - A Buddhist abbot in Thailand said
his temple is being listed for sale because of the constant
"stench" from a nearby pet food factory. Luang Pu Buddha
Issara, the abbot of Wat Or Noi in Nakhon Pathom, said he
wants to sell the temple, which was founded in 1990, for
$67 million and donate the proceeds to a foundation, the
Bangkok Post reported Monday. "The bad smell is from the
pet factory, which is just [328 yards] from here and it is
causing problems for monks and novices here," the abbot
said. He said he plans to move to the forest to practice
dharma once the temple is sold. "Temple for sale at low
price. The stench from the pet food factory is unbearable,"
read signs posted around the area. Supoj Urjitsurakul,
manager of the pet food factory, said a third odor control
system is being added in an attempt to control the stench.
"Monks from Wat Or Noi temple have visited the factory. I
gave them a tour and showed them that we are really trying
to improve things. I tried to contact the abbot but he was
busy so he sent the monks instead," Supoj said.
*-- Police: Man called 911 10 times for rides --*
IMMOKALEE, Fla. - Authorities said a south Florida man was
arrested for allegedly making 10 calls to 911 to ask for
rides to Mexico and other places. The Collier County
Sheriff's Office said Alvaro Francisco, 26, of Immokalee,
first called 911 at 8:16 p.m. Saturday and made his final
call at 12:45 a.m. Sunday, the Naples (Fla.) Daily News
reported Monday. Deputies said Francisco asked for rides
to Mexico, his friend's house and his boss' house. The man
was advised during each call that his requests did not
qualify as emergencies. Francisco, who deputies said
smelled of alcohol, was arrested shortly after his final
call on a misdemeanor charge of misuse of 911.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Johanna :)
.-"""-. _.---..-;
:.) ;"" \/
__..--'\ ;-"""-. ;._
`-.___.^.___.'-.____J__/-._J
bug
>A TRUE PESSIMIST
An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search
ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve
a duck.
Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe
him.
He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, the eternal
pessimist who refused to be impressed with anything. This, surely, would
impress him. He invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.
As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by; they fired, and a
duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog,
however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve
the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day
long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the
water to retrieve it.
The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a
single word.
On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything
unusual about my new dog?"
"I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."
---
...TeeHee! Thanks Johanna!
==============================================================
., _
/ `
((|)))))
((/ a a
))) >)
((((._e((
,--/ (-.
/ \ <\/>/|
/ /) Lo )|
/ / ) / |
| / ( /
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/ )|/| \
|/'/\ \_____\
>-->"Teenager Daughter Owner's Manual"
Instructions for all those with teenage daughters or daughters
who think they are teenagers or who will eventually be teen-
agers.
Teenager Owner's Manual Congratulations! You are now the proud
new owner of a teenage daughter.
Please read this manual carefully, as it describes the main-
tenance of your new daughter, and answers important questions
about your warranty (which does NOT include the right to
return the product to the factory for a full refund.)
IF YOU FEEL, YOU HAVE RECEIVED YOUR TEENAGER IN ERROR:
To determine whether you were supposed to receive a teenager
girl, please examine your new daughter carefully. Does she:
(a) look very similar to your original daughter, only with
more makeup and less clothing?
(b) refuse to acknowledge your existence on the planet Earth
(except when requesting money)?
(c) Sleep in a burrow of dirty laundry?
If any of these are true, you have received the correct item.
Nice try, though.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
>Homesick
Friends... If You Are From NJ . .. You’ll understand.
I was in Florida....and I saw a bumper sticker on a parked car
that read 'I miss Newark.'
So I broke the window, stole the radio and left a note that read,
"I hope this helps."
-<>-
______
|x ||
/__/-'
________ ,
_| .| ,---.
|:| .| 0/0 ?
\| .| ,==|D_|\===,
|________| '| : =x= \
__|___|__ __/_|___:____|/<___
[_________] ,--------, b'ger
========/
>ANAGRAMS
PRESBYTERIAN :
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER :
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION :
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES :
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE :
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
DORMITORY :
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
SLOT MACHINES :
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY :
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS :
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS :
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT :
When you rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES :
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO :
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
MOTHER-IN-LAW :
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
-<>-
,,_
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>Make Up Your Mind!
My wife was screaming at me:
"Leave!! Get out of this house!" she ordered.
As I was walking out the door she yelled,
"I hope you die a slow and painful death!"
So I turned around and replied
"So now you want me to stay?"
---
...HaHa! too rich! Thanks PatDeE!
===============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
__
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jgs '-.| |.'
`"`
Early in the Civil War, when the Union armies were suffering
repeated defeats, Abraham Lincoln was discussing the war
situation with his cabinet.
"How many men do you estimate are in the Confederate army?"
a cabinet member asked.
"About a million and a half," said Lincoln.
"That many?" said another member. "I thought the number was
considerably less."
"So did I," said Lincoln, "but every time one of our generals
lose a battle, he insists that he was outnumbered three to
one - and we have about 500,000 men."
-<>-
The local high school has a policy that the parents must call
the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice
deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends.
So she waited until her parents had left for work and called
the school herself.
"Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it
to school today because she is ill."
Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that.
I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?"
"This is my mother."
-<>-
This guy was watching TV as his wife was out cutting the
grass during the hot summer. He finally worked up the energy
to go out and ask his wife what was for supper.
Well, his missus was quite irritated about him sitting in
the air conditioned house all day while she did all the
work, so she scolded him. "I can't believe you're aking me
about supper right now! Imagine I'm out of town, go inside
and figure dinner out yourself."
So he went back in the house and fixed himself a big steak,
with potatoes, garlic bread and tall glass of iced tea.
The wife finally walked in about the time he was finishing
up and asked him, "You fixed something to eat? So where is
mine?"
"Huh? I thought you were out of town."
-<>-
A young man was walking past a blind woman using a cane on a
street corner downtown, when she said, "Excuse me, but if it's
not too much trouble, can you see me across the street?"
Our good samaritan replied, "Just a minute." He walked across
the street, looked back and yelled, "Yes, I can see you fine!"
-<>-
My friend's husband is always telling her that housekeeping
would be a snap if only she would organize her time better.
Recently he had a chance to put his theory into practice
while his wife was away. When I popped in one evening to see
how he was managing, and he crowed, "I made a cake, frosted
it, washed the kitchen windows, cleaned all the cupboards,
scrubbed the kitchen floor, walls and ceiling and even had
a bath."
I was about to concede that perhaps he was a better manager
than his wife, when he added sheepishly, "When I was making
the chocolate frosting, I forgot to turn off the mixer
before taking the beaters out of the bowl, so I had to do
all the rest."
-<>-
The husband reluctantly agreed to play in the couples
alternate shot tournament at his club. He teed off on the
first hole, a par four, and blistered a drive 300 yards
down the middle of the fairway.
Upon reaching the ball, the husband said to his wife, "Just
hit it toward the green, anywhere around there will be
fine."
The wife proceeded to shank the ball deep into the woods.
Undaunted, the husband said "that's ok sweetheart" and
spent the full five minutes looking for the ball. he
found it just in time, but in a horrible position. he
played the shot of his life to get the ball within two
feet of the hole.
He told his wife to knock the ball in. his wife then pro-
ceeded to knock the ball off the green and into a bunker.
still maintaining composure, the husband summoned all of
his skill and holed the shot from the bunker. he took the
ball out of the hole and, while walking off the green,
put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that
was a bogey, and that's ok, but I think we can do better
on the next hole."
To which she replied, "Listen dear, don't yell at me,
only 2 of those 5 shots were mine!"
-<>-
I was in a department store dressing room when I overheard a
woman in the next booth make disparaging remarks about the
clothes she was trying on. Finally, an attendant knocked on
her door and asked if there was a specific color or style she
could get for her.
"I need a dress for my class reunion," the woman answered.
"I don't care what color or style, as long as it makes me
look twenty pounds lighter and ten years younger."
From another dressing room I heard a woman call out, "Make
that two."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
| /| / / / / /
| `----' / / / / `----' /
| / / / // // / / / / / / / / /
/ | .----. / / /.-/--. / .----. / / /
/| /|/ /|/// | |._ | / |/ / /
/ / | / | | / | ./\ \ | / ___ / /
/ | / _n_ // / |r /(- ' ) `-- / -=O`__ /
./ / |/ .`-. / / | (_/\/_/ / ./(__,-'Y( ` /
/ /| _/ >|__/__ __ \( __ /_) ___a:f
/ <_ /`^ / / // ' ` / // \ //<< /
___ r=-\/ __/_.._/_/___/____/____/_/_ //_ Y _ /
--- .Z -/--.##-.-...-.-/_.---/----- ^' -----
` .' . ' `-....-""''' . .' . ' .
>NEED WASHING?
A little girl had been shopping with her Mom in WalMart. She must have
been 6 years old, this beautiful red haired, freckle-faced image of
innocence.
It was pouring outside. The kind of rain that gushes over the top of
rain gutters, so much in a hurry to hit the earth it has no time to
flow down the spout.. We all stood there, under the awning, just inside
the door of the WalMart.
We waited, some patiently, others irritated because nature messed up
their hurried day.
I am always mesmerized by rainfall. I got lost in the sound and sight
of the heavens washing away the dirt and dust of the world. Memories of
running, splashing so carefree as a child came pouring in as a welcome
reprieve from the worries of my day.
Her little voice was so sweet as it broke the hypnotic trance we were
all caught in, 'Mom let's run through the rain,' She said.
'What?' Mom asked.
'Let's run through the rain!' She repeated.
'No, honey. We'll wait until it slows down a bit,' Mom replied.
This young child waited a minute and repeated: 'Mom, let's run through
the rain..'
'We'll get soaked if we do,' Mom said.
'No, we won't, Mom. That's not what you said this morning,' the young
girl said as she tugged at her Mom's arm.
'This morning? When did I say we could run through the rain and not get
wet?'
'Don't you remember? When you were talking to Daddy about his cancer,
you said, ' If God can get us through this, He can get us through
anything! ' '
The entire crowd stopped dead silent.. I swear you couldn't hear
anything but the rain. We all stood silently. No one left. Mom paused
and thought for a moment about what she would say.
Now some would laugh it off and scold her for being silly. Some might
even ignore what was said. But this was a moment of affirmation in a
young child's life. A time when innocent trust can be nurtured so that
it will bloom into faith.
'Honey, you are absolutely right. Let's run through the rain. If GOD
let's us get wet, well maybe we just need washing,' Mom said.
Then off they ran. We all stood watching, smiling and laughing as they
darted past the cars and yes, through the puddles. They got soaked.
They were followed by many who screamed and laughed like children all
the way to their cars. And yes, I did. I ran. I got wet. I needed
washing.
Circumstances or people can take away your material possessions, they
can take away your money, and they can take away your health.. But no
one can ever take away your precious memories...So, don't forget to
make time and take the opportunities to make memories everyday.
To everything there is a season and a time to every purpose under
heaven.
I HOPE YOU STILL TAKE THE TIME TO RUN THROUGH THE RAIN.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to
appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life
to forget them.
Take the time to live!!!
Keep in touch with your friends, you never know when you'll need each
other --
And don't forget to run in the rain!
---
...Awww, a sweet classic! Thanks PatDeE!
===========================================================
>-->From TheMouth:
____
.---. `\
/o o \ |
.-'-. | .' /_
/` |__ c ( / _= / __/ | |
'._ _.-"-.= /`"-...-"` | |
`;"""` __/ | |
/```````` | | |
| , \ | |
\ \ \ | |
\ \ \ |__________|
jgs | \ \ | || |
/ | | | || |
/ / | | || |
/ /` /` _|_||_|_
.' | | \ |\ /
( /--.___.' .----' / \
`--...__.' / \__ ( | |
/ \__ | `) `'----'--| |
| `)---'----` \ /
'----'----` '--'
>What's The Name Of Your Wife?
St. Peter is questioning three married couples to see if
they qualify for admittance to heaven.
"Why do you deserve to pass the Pearly Gates?" he asks
one of the men, who had been a butler.
"I was a good father," he answers.
"Yes, but you were a drunk all your life. In fact, you
were so bad you even married a woman named Sherry. No
admittance."
St. Peter then turned to the next man, a carpenter, and
asked him the same question.
The carpenter replied that he had worked hard and taken
good care of his family.
But St. Peter also rejected him, pointing out that he had
been an impossible glutton, so much so that he married a
woman named BonBon.
At this point the third man, who had been a lawyer, stood
up and said, "Come on, Penny, let's get out of here."
-<>-
_ _.-'`-._ _
;.'________'.;
_________n.[____________].n_________
|""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""]
|"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""|
|LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI|
|.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..|
|LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI|
,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,,
;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
>Top Ten White House Excuses
10. Do you want an excuse for scaring thousands of people
or for wasting tax dollars on a brochure
9. Air Force One also acts as 1010 WINS' "Traffic Eye In
The Sky"
8. Huh?
7. Biden had to get to New York for the "Wolverine" premiere
6. If we don't photograph the president's plane over the
Statue of Liberty, who will know what the president's
plane looks like over the Statue of Liberty?
5. It's Bush's fault
4. You've been Howie'd!
3. Maybe the Statue of Liberty was too close to us
2. C'mon, let's just be cool about it... everybody stay
cool... we're cool, right?
1. Swine flu made us crazy
-<>-
.-------.
|Jackpot|
____________|_______|____________
| __ __ ___ _____ __ |
| / _\ / / /___\/__ \ / _\ |
| \ \ / / // // / /\ \\ \ 25|
| _\ \/ /___/ \_// / / \/_\ \ []|
| \__/\____/\___/ \/ \__/ []|
|===_______===_______===_______===|
||*|\_ |*| _____ |*|\_ |*||
||*|| \ _ |*|| ||*|| \ _ |*||
||*| \_(_) |*||*BAR*||*| \_(_) |*||
||*| (_) |*||_____||*| (_) |*|| __
||*|_______|*|_______|*|_______|*||(__)
|===_______===_______===_______===| ||
||*| _____ |*|\_ |*| ___ |*|| ||
||*|| ||*|| \ _ |*| |_ | |*|| ||
||*||*BAR*||*| \_(_) |*| / / |*|| ||
||*||_____||*| (_) |*| /_/ |*|| ||
||*|_______|*|_______|*|_______|*||_//
|===_______===_______===_______===|_/
||*| ___ |*| | |*| _____ |*||
||*| |_ | |*| / \ |*|| ||*||
||*| / / |*| /_ _\ |*||*BAR*||*||
||*| /_/ |*| O |*||_____||*||
||*|_______|*|_______|*|_______|*||
|lc=___________________________===|
| /___________________________\ |
| | | |
_| \_______________________/ |_
(_____________________________________)
>You might be from Las Vegas If.....
* - You no longer associate bridges with water.
* - You can say 110 degrees without fainting.
* - You can make instant sun tea.
* - You learn that a seat belt makes a good branding iron.
* - The temperature drops below 85, and you feel a bit
chilled.
* - You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to
drive your car.
* - You discover you can get a sunburn through your car
window.
* - You notice the best parking place is determined by
shade, not distance.
* - It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not
one person is on the streets.
* - Hot water comes out of both taps.
* - You actually burn your hand opening the car door.
* - No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car
or not having air conditioning.
* - Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get
knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook
to death?
* - You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
-<>-
.----.
===(_)== THIS WONT HURT A BIT...
// 6 6 \\ /
( 7 )
\ '--' /
\_ ._/
__) (__
/"`/`\`V/`\`\
/ \ `Y _/_ \
/ [DR]\_ |/ / /\
| ( \/ / / /
\ \ \ /
\ `-/` _.`
jgs `=. `=./
`"`
>THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY...
-Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
-Better save that. We'll need it for thee autopsy.
-Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, tthen what's that?
-Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
-Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 5000 ml of this stuff
before?
-There go the lights again...
-Ya' know... there's big money in kidneyys... and this guy's
got two of 'em.
-Everybody stand back! I lost my contactt lens!
-Could you stop that thing from beating?? It's throwing my
concentration off.
-What's this doing here?
-I hate it when they're missing stuff inn here.
-That's cool! Now can you make his leg ttwitch?!
-Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
-Sterile, shcmerle. The floor's clean, rright?
-What do you mean he wasn't in for a sexx change?
-OK, now take a picture from this angle.. This is truly a
freak of nature.
-This patient has already had some kids,, am I correct?
-Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
-Don't worry. I think it is sharp enoughh.
-What do you mean, "You want a divorce"!!
-FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!
-Rats! Page 47 of the manual is missing!!
-Isn't this the one with the really loussy insurance?
===============================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Amazing Air Cars!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aircars.html
Boeing 787 Dreamliner!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/b787.html
Underwater River In Mexico!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/underriver.html
Germany's Water Bridge!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wbridge.html
Humorous Ads!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humorad.html
Pictures To Ponder!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ponder.html
Unique Designer Shoes!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/shoes.html
Men Will Be Boys!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html
Fun With Snow In Russia
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/russia.html
Got A Nanosecond 2?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano2.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Linda :)
All aboard With Floyd Cramer
http://www.openmyeyeslord.net/Train%20Ride.swf
---
...Yep! Love it! Thanks Linda!
-<>-
>From Our Friend LouiseA :)
Mrs. Brown's dog is very old and unwell. The kids are trying to
figure out a way to tell her that its time to put the dog down.
Click to watch. (promise: NO Kleenexes needed...)
Mrs Brown's Dog
http://www.youtube.com/embed/U430rpfjIIQ
---
...LMAO! Good one! Thanks LouiseA!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
A Cat Trick
http://tinyurl.com/cwdvv6w
---
...White knuckle for those folks! Wowsers! Thanks Geniann!
=========================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"It takes time to raise about 25 children. I know, I have
two myself. That's plenty. Mine are twins, though. Both of
them. They're awfully cute. I can't think of their names.
They don't come when I call them anyway." --Victor Borge
"Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody
can be both a winner and a loser at the same time."
-Demetri Martin
"In California, a high school student who's an illegal
immigrant is about to be deported, but since he's the
school's valedictorian, he's asking the President to
help. He told the valedictorian, 'Don't worry, I won't
let them send you back to Valedictoria.'" -Conan O'Brien
"A bunch of people in Italy are turning Al Gore's 'An
Inconvenient Truth' into an opera. Here are some of the
songs: 'You Make Me Feel So Hot,' 'Come Fry With Me,' and
'Call Me Biodegradable.'" -David Letterman
"Obama's speech was mesmerizing last night — 20,000
screaming fans. I think I know his secret: He throws candy
to the audience." -Craig Ferguson
"Women will forgive anything. Otherwise, the race would have
died out long ago." —Robert Heinlein
"In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is freedom, in water
there is bacteria." -Ben Franklin
Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect; it just means
you've decided to see beyond the imperfections. --Unknown
"I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has
endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us
to forgo their use." --Galileo Galilei
"There are two kinds of people who never amount to much:
those who cannot do what they are told, and those who can
do nothing else." --Cyrus Curtis
"The weirder you're going to behave, the more normal you
should look. It works in reverse, too. When I see a kid
with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is
absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person."
--P. J. O'Rourke
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
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-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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A Recipe
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