Whooee DA Whoee... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This smoking Hottie is from our friend Johanna. An adorable one for all pet lovers. Check it out here... ."";._ _.---._ _.-"". /_.'_ '-' /`-` \_ \ .' / `\ \ /` \ '. .' / ; _ _ '-; \ ;'. _.' ; /\ / \ \ \ ; '._;._ .-'.--. | / | \0|0/ \ | '-. / /` \ | / .' \ | .---. \ | | | / /--' .-"""-. \ \/ \ | \ \ / / / ( , , ) /\ \ | / \ '----' .' | '-(_)-' | | '. / / `'----'` | '. | `'----'` jgs \ `/ '. , .' `-.____.' '.____.-' \ / '-' Best Buddies! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bestbuds.html --- ...Got my 'Aww' quota met with this one - for sure! Thanks Johanna! -<>- /) o__^^/_/) \ ' \`-' ___ `| \______/--'` | \ ././-------,.\ BP_mic _ (\ \) o__^\/ , \ ' \ < _ _ ' ' . `| \____\ - - ' . . () | ) _ _ `.' `.' .//---_/-_/ _ _ (\ (\_\^^__o . `-'\ ` / `( | \_____| | | _ ./`,----./~| . . . - () (\ (\_\_^__o ___ `-'/ `_/ '`--\______/ | ' / | ` . ' -`/.------'\^-' *~* We Had A Fantastic Month Of Caring And Sharing Last Month *~* Be sure to check these out and share them with all your loved ones! Fairy Tale Homes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fairytale.html Bikes From The Past http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pastbikes.html Up Close And Personal 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/personal3.html Colorful Birds 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/birds2.html Straying From The Light! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/straying.html Watermelon Art 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/watermelon2.html Extreme Rednecks! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eredneck.html Maxine On The Economy! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineeconomy.html Dog Eat Dog World! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogeatdog.html Willie, Joe And Bill In WWII! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mauldin.html Lambeau Field Tribute! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/footballvet.html God's Spring Paintings! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gspring.html ,_-~~~-, _-~~-_ / ^-_/ \_ _-~-. | /\ , `-_/ \ | /~^\ '/ /~\ /~\ / \_ \ \_/ }/ / \ \ ,_\ } Y / /~ /~ | Y \ | / | {Q) {Q) | | \_/ | \ _===_ / | / >--{ }--< \ /~ \_._/ ~\ / * * Y * \ | * .: | :.* * | \ )--__==#==__-- / \_ \ \ \ ,/ '~_ | | } ,~' \ {___/ / \ ~~~ / /\._._._./\ -Keely- 02/94 { ^^^ } ~-_______-~ / \ *~* THANKS & HUGGUMS THROUGH CHRIST TO ALL OUR SWEET CONTRIBUTORS! You Bless and enrich our life with your thoughtful sharing! -<>- >-->From Our Friends At TruthOrTradition.com: Next Wednesday! Live teaching with John Schoenheit http://tinyurl.com/d5tptrm ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: ___________________________ / _________________________ \ |/----, \| British Journalistic Blunders ||NEWS| || ||----' .-""-. || || / \ \ || "Julian Dicks (West Ham United) || | /`-._| || is everywhere. It's like they've || |/ . . | || got eleven Dicks on the field." || ( _\ ) || (Metro Radio Sports Commentary) || |\ = | || || /\ \_._/ || Listener: "My most embarrassing || /\_\___//\ || moment was when my artificial leg || /` \ \| `\ || fell off at the altar on my |\____/_____|__;_____|__BBC/| wedding day." Simon Fanshawe: \___________________________/ "How awful! Do you still have an |:::::::::::::::::::| artificial leg?" (Talk Radio) |:::::::::::::::::::| |::():():::::():()::| Interviewer: "So did you see which |:::::::::::::::::::| train crashed into which train __|jgs::::::::::::::::|__ first?" 15-year-old: "No, they / \ both ran into each other at the '===========================' same time." (BBC Radio 4) Presenter (to paleontologist):"So what would happen if you mated the woolly mammoth with, say,an elephant?" Expert: "Well in the same way that a horse and a donkey produce a mule, we'd get a sort of half- mammoth. Presenter: "So it'd be like some sort of hairy gorilla?" Expert: "Er, well yes, but elephant shaped, and with tusks." (GLR) Kilroy-Silk: "Did you mean to _.-~"~-. get pregnant?" ;`a) ) `\ Girl: "No. It was a cock-up." \-./_ / |~=-=--. `-._)_ | / ". Grand National winning jockey _ //` `| `"~` \ Mick Fitzgerald: "Sex is an \'-'/ .--' / / |\ anti-climax after that!" `~` / ____/\ | / `" Desmond Lynam: "Well, you gave __/__/ | |`-...-\ | the horse a wonderful ride, / \ | | |`\ | everyone saw that." (BBC) jgs |_____| /__| /__/__| Jon Snow: "In a sense, Deng Xiaoping's death was inevitable, wasn't it?" Expert: "Er, yes." (Channel 4 News) "As Phil De Glanville said, each game is unique, and this one is no different to any other." (John Sleightholme - BBC1) "If England are going to win this match, they're going to have to score a goal." (Jimmy Hill - BBC) "Beethoven, Kurtag, Charles Ives, Debussy - four very different names." (Presenter, BBC Proms, Radio 3) ======================================================= *-- Bizarre June Holidays --* June 1 is Dare Day June 2 is National Rocky Road Day June 3 is Repeat Day June 4 is Old Maid's Day June 5 is Festival Of Popular Delusions Day June 6 is Teacher's Day and National Applesauce Cake Day June 7 is National Chocolate Ice Cream Day June 8 is Name Your Poison Day June 9 is Donald Duck Day June 10 is National Yo-Yo Day =========================================================== ____ _.' : `._ .-.'`. ; .'`.-. __ / : ___\ ; /___ ; \ __ ,'_ ""--.:__;".-.";: :".-.":__;.--"" _`, :' `.t""--.. '<@.`;_ ',@>` ..--""j.' `; `:-.._J '-.-'L__ `-- ' L_..-;' "-.__ ; .-" "-. : __.-" L ' /.------.\ ' J "-. "--" .-" __.l"-:_JL_;-";.__ .-j/'.; ;"""" / .'\"-. .' /:`. "-.: .-" .'; `. .-" / ; "-. "-..-" .-" : "-. .+"-. : : "-.__.-" ;-._ \ ; \ `.; ; : : "+. ; : ; ; ; : ; : \: : `."-; ; ; : ; ,/; ; -: ; : ; : .-"' : :\ \ : ; : \.-" : ;`. \ ; : ;.'_..-- / ; : "-. "-: ; :/." .' : \ .-`.\ /t-"" ":-+. : `. .-" `l __/ /`. : ; ; \ ; \ .-" .-"-.-" .' .'j \ / ;/ \ / .-" /. .'.' ;_:' ; :-""-.`./-.' / `.___.' \ `t ._ / bug :F_P: "-.t-._:' >-->You might be a redneck Jedi if...... 1. You use the force to cheat at fishing, bowling, and long- distance spitting. 2. More than half the droids you own don't function. 3. The number of blasters you own exceeds your I. Q. 4. You wonder why Luke and Leia never got married. 5. You used a carbon-freezing chamber to store the 78 Wampas you shot while vacationing on Hoth. 6. Your moonshine is made on the moon. 7. You don't like wearing a Jedi robe because it prevents access to the dip stored in your back pocket. 8. Sandpeople back down from your mama. 9. You've used Jedi mind control to talk your way out of a DUI. 10. You've strangled people with the force because they laughed at your accent. 11. You built an outhouse over the Sarlaac. 12. You've argued with a Jawa over scavenging rights to a broken droid. 13. A Wookie has told you that you need to shave. 14. You've wrecked several landspeeders while lighting cigarettes with your lightsaber. 15. You don't think the Ewoks are primitive. 16. You've gone AT-AT tipping. 17. Jabba's pig guards think you have a hygiene problem. 18. You consider your lightsaber the ultimate bug zapper. 19. The Rancor monster refused to eat you. 20. You discovered that your greatest enemy is, in fact, your father, who also happens to be your brother. ============================================================= >-->From our Friend Brenda :) . . :"-. .-"; |:`.`.__..__.'.';| || :-" "-; || :; :; / .==. .==. \ : _.--._ ; ; .--.' `--' `.--. : : __;` ':__ ; ; ' '-._:;_.-' ' : '. `--' .' ."-._ _.-". .' ""------"" `. /`- -'\ /`- -'\ :`- .' `. -'; ; / \ : : : ; ; ; ; : : ':_:.' '.;_;' :_ _; ; "-._ -" :`-. _.._ :_ () _; "--::__. `. \"- -"/`._ : .-"-. -"-. ""--..____.' / .__ __. \ : / , / "" \ . \ ; bug "-:___..--" "--..___;-" >CAT LAXATIVE Mrs. Bronson's kitty isn't feeling well - a bad case of constipation. She calls the vet, who prescribes her a new kind of laxative. "Give her about six teaspoons of it, and she'll be better in no time." Mrs. Bronson does as she's told and brings the cat in a week later. The vet asks, "How's your calf?" "I don't have a calf. It was my cat who wasn't feeling well." "Oh my! That laxative was designed for a larger animal! There's no telling how it might affect a smaller animal! How's your cat doing?" "I'm not sure. The last time I saw her, she was heading toward the north end of town with ten other cats. Five were digging, three were covering, and two were scouting for new territory." -<>- (`,---.') (\ (w,_,w) )) -=>_Y_<=- _,;' /`"'\.-'.' .' `<' | ; ; | |`, , | \ ;`; / pb ||,|| /|| ||\ (,|( )|,) (,,Y,,) "What's the worst thing a wife can get on her twenty fifth wedding anniversary?" "Morning Sickness." --- ...LMAO! Good Ones! Thanks Brenda! =============================================================== >-->From our Friend KarenF :) (U) \\ \\ (O) Krogg >WD-40 TIPS WD-40 who knew? 'Water Displacement #40'. The product began from a search for a rust preventative solvent and degreaser to protect missile parts. WD-40 was created in 1953 by three technicians at the San Diego Rocket Chemical Company. Its name comes from the project that was to find a 'water displacement' compound.. They were successful with the fortieth formulation, thus WD-40. The Convair Company bought it in bulk to protect their atlas missile parts. Ken East (one of the original founders) says there is nothing in WD-40 that would hurt you... When you read the 'shower door' part, try it. It's the first thing that has ever cleaned that spotty shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It's a miracle! Then try it on your stove top .. Viola! It's now shinier than it's ever been. You'll be amazed. WD-40 uses: 1. Protects silver from tarnishing. 2. Removes road tar and grime from cars. 3. Cleans and lubricates guitar strings. 4. Gives floors that 'just-waxed' sheen without making them slippery. 5. Keeps flies off cows . (I love this one!) 6. Restores and cleans chalkboards. 7. Removes lipstick stains. 8. Loosens stubborn zippers. 9. Untangles jewelry chains. 10. Removes stains from stainless steel sinks. 11. Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill. 12. Keeps ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing. 13. Removes tomato stains from clothing. 14. Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots . 15. Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors. 16. Keeps scissors working smoothly. 17. Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in homes. 18. It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Use WD-40 for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn't seem to harm the finish and you won't have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off. Just remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks. 19. Bug guts will eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40! 20. Gives a children's playground gym slide a shine for a super fast slide. 21. Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding mowers... 22. Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises. 23. Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to open.. 24. Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and close. 25. Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as well as vinyl bumpers. 26. Restores and cleans roof racks on vehicles. 27. Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans 28. Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy handling. 29. Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them running smoothly. 30. Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and other tools. 31. Removes splattered grease on stove. 32. Keeps bathroom mirror from fogging. 33. Lubricates prosthetic limbs. 34. Keeps pigeons off the balcony (they hate the smell). 35. Removes all traces of duct tape. 36. Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve arthritis pain. 37. Florida 's favorite use is: 'cleans and removes love bugs from grills and bumpers.' 38. The favorite use in the state of New York , WD-40 protects the Statue of Liberty from the elements. 39. WD-40 attracts fish. Spray a little on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in no time. Also, it's a lot cheaper than the chemical attractants that are made for just that purpose. Keep in mind though, using some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some states. 40. Use it for fire ant bites. It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch. 41. WD-40 is great for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean rag. 42. Also, if you've discovered that your teenage daughter has washed and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick spots with WD-40 and rewash. Presto! The lipstick is gone! 43. If you sprayed WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would displace the moisture and allow the car to start. P.S. The basic ingredient is FISH OIL. --- ...Wowsers - Great tips! Thanks KarenF! We know it smells like petroleum not fish but anyway, Check here for the manufacturers list of recommended uses: http://www.snopes.com/inboxer/household/wd-40.asp -<>- //\ || | || | | | ______\/_ , '||||||' (o) `------'-- \ /|\ \ \ >Shoo Fly! There are two kinds of people in this world: those who do not attract mosquitoes and those who do. I not only belong to the second group, but I have documented proof that mosquitoes actually subscribe to a newsletter telling the whereabouts of feasts like me. --- ...TeeHee! Thanks KarenF! -<>- .---._ .--(. ' .).--. . .-. . ( ' _) .)` ( .)-. ( ) '-' ( , ). `(' . _) (') _________ '-' ____[_________] ________ \__/ | _ \ || ,;,;,, [________] _][__|(")/__|| ,;;;;;;;;, __________ __________ _| LILI |_ / | |____ | | | | ___ | | ____| (| .--. .--.| | ___ | | | | | | ____| |____ | /|/ .. \~~/ .. \_|_.-.__.-._|_|_.-:__:-._|_|_.-.__.-._|_|_.-.__.-._| +=/_|\ '' /~~\ '' /=+( o )( o )+==( o )( o )=+=( o )( o )+==( o )( o )=+= ='=='='--'==+='--'===+'-'=='-'==+=='-'+='-'===+='-'=='-'==+=='-'=+'-'jgs+ >Whooee DA Whoee! A fellow, who had spent his whole life in the desert, comes to visit a Friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the railroad tracks one day, he hears This whistle -- Whooee DA Whoee! -- but doesn't know what it is. Predictably, he's hit and is thrown to the side of the tracks. It was Only a glancing blow, so he was fortunate to receive some minor internal Injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises. After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house Attending a party one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears The tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet And proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable Lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, Sees what's happened and asks the desert man, "Why'd you ruin my good Tea kettle?" The desert man replies, "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're Small." --- ...LOL! Thanks KarenF! =========================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From PatriotUpdate: A Must Read From Alan Gottlieb http://tinyurl.com/74fb7hh -<>- >From TheTeaParty: Soros: 3 Months to Doomsday http://tinyurl.com/brrdgsk Breaking: Obama aides at war with each other http://tinyurl.com/bvc7mbg Birth Certificate Scandal Set to Rock the White House http://tinyurl.com/7edcm64 -<>- >From ConservativeNews: Obama Deliberately Revealing National Security Secrets? http://tinyurl.com/bmzplcy -<>- >From CowboyByte: War in the White House: Holder and Axelrod 'had to be separated' http://tinyurl.com/7mmy4uo -<>- >From BizarreNews: A Florida man was arrested this week after three women told police he pulled a gun on them so he could cut into a McDonald's drive-through line. The women said their car was side by side James Lee Cruz's vehicle at the fast-food restaurant in West Palm Beach, when he took out a gun and pointed it at them. In fear, the women backed up and allowed Cruz to pass them. The women then took down Cruz's license plate and called police as they followed him home. Cruz faces three counts of aggravated assault. Apparently Big Macs are much more irresistible now that McDonald's isn't using 'pink slime' anymore. *-- Rats ruin fountain in Pied Piper's town --* HAMLIN, Germany - Officials in Hamlin, the German hometown of the Pied Piper, said modern-day rats have taken revenge on the city by chewing through a cable powering a fountain. Thomas Wahmes, spokesman for the Hamlin town council, said the rats gnawed through an electric cable powering the fountain near the city's transport station, The Local.de reported Thursday. Wahmes told the newspaper Suddeutsche Zeitung the rats were likely attracted to the area by food people have scattered for birds near the fountain. The Brothers Grimm tale tells the story of how the Pied Piper used his music to lead all of the rats out of the city in 1284 and took the town's children when residents refused to pay. The city still employs an official rat catcher, but his position is mostly ceremonial and is more focused on piping than pest removal, The Local.de said. *-- Police: Suspect tried to take police clock --* PANAMA CITY, Fla. - Police in Florida said a man arrested for possessing a stolen shopping cart allegedly tried to take a clock from the police station wall. Panama City police said they were called to the Hathaway Bridge around 3 a.m. Tuesday and they arrived to find Dennis Baugham, 51, and Michael Marquez, 34, fighting near the bridge, WJHG-TV, Panama City, reported Thursday. Investigators said the men were found to be in possession of a shopping cart taken from a store a few miles from the scene and other suspected stolen items including a tent, camping stove and camping fuel. The men were taken to the Panama City Police Station, where officers said Marquez swiped a clock from the wall of an interview room and tried to hide it in his backpack. Baugham and Marquez were both charged with possession of the stolen shopping cart and Marquez was charged with an additional count of petty theft. The men were taken to the Bay County Jail. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) /`. /`. f \ ,f \ Gee Brain, | \/-`\ \ The same thing we do what do you i. _\';.,X j every night, Pinky. want to do `:_\ ( \ \',-. Try to take over tonight? .'"`\ a\eY' ) the world! _,. `._"\`-' `-/ .-;' | /;-`._.-';\. ,'," | .'/ "' | `\.-'""-/ / j ,/ / i,-" ( ,/ / .-' .f .' `"/ / / ,,/ffj\ / .-"`.'-.' / /_\`--//) \ ,--._ .-'_,-'; / f ".-"-._;' `._ _.,-i; /_; / `.,' |; \ \`\_,/-' \' .' l \ `. /"\ _ \` j f : `-' `._;."/`-' | `. ,7 \ l j .'/ - \`. .j. . < (.' .\ \f`. |\,' ,' `. \ / \ `| \,'||-:j .' .'\ Y. \___......__\ ._ /`.|| __.._,-" .-"'"") /' ,' _ \ | /"-.`j""``---.._ .'_.-'" / .("-'-"":\ ._)|_(__. "' ;.' /-'---"".--"' /,_,^-._ .) `:=.__.,itz `---._.;' "" "" >Questions: Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... But it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What disease did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.. Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing the two songs above? Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Why, Why, Why Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? If people evolved from apes, Why are there still apes? Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? Is there ever a day that mattresses Are not on sale? Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you. --- ...It figures! HaHa! Thanks Linda! =============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Sandi :) _.- ~~^^^'~- _ _ .,.- ~ ~ ~ ~ - _ ________,' ::. ~ -. (( ~_\ -s- :: _ - ;, \\ ______<.._ .;;;` ,' } `', ``~~~~~ ~` ~- _ ; ; `\ _ _- _ ( } { , \, `, / ((/ _ _i ! _ , ,' \, , / ((((____/ ~ - - - - _ _'_-_,_,` \, ; < ----,____ (,(,(, ____> \,' \ ________`--.__ _ _ ____ ____ __ ______ _ _ ____ ____ __ `------__------- ______ _ _ ____ ____ __ -cfbd- >It's PUNny! I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. When chemists die, they barium. Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time. How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it. I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me. This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O. PMS jokes aren't funny; period. Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. We are going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz. I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? When you get a bladder infection urine trouble. Broken pencils are pointless. I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool . I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest. I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on. I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes. Velcro - what a rip off! A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy Venison for dinner again? Oh deer. The earthquake in Washington obviously was the government's fault. Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too. --- ...LOL! Thanks Sandi! ================================================================= _,,..,......,.._,__ kmr -='' `':. hua --. ,:' a03 - _ / '. ,' | / | ]-. | __ _ |||| |'=-. -='^ |`/ | | |- | _ | _,'| ___ . '-.. ,,'/ ``. - || \ ]`-. ,'| | | \ ,' || | | `''`-. _,.--'' | | | `-'' | | `. `. ,' | '. '. ' .' | | \ / | `. ' | | | | / | \ `. / ,' `. | | | `._ ` _, _, | , | .' | `-.''.' | ' | \ | | | | ` | / | `' | >-->Man Says... "That's women's work," REALLY MEANS, "It's dirty, difficult and thankless." "Will you marry me?" REALLY MEANS, "Both my roommates have moved out, I can't find the washer, and there is no more peanut butter." "Can I help with dinner?" REALLY MEANS, "Why isn't it already on the table?" "It would take too long to explain," REALLY MEANS, "I have no idea how it works." "I'm getting more exercise lately," REALLY MEANS, "The batteries in the remote are dead." "We're going to be late," REALLY MEANS, "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac." "Take a break, honey, you're working too hard, "REALLY MEANS, "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "That's interesting, dear," REALLY MEANS, "Are you still talking?" "You expect too much of me," REALLY MEANS, "You want me to stay awake." "It's really a good movie," REALLY MEANS, "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and women." "Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself. It's no big deal," REALLY MEANS, "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit I'm hurt." "I do help around the house," REALLY MEANS, "I once threw a dirty towel near the laundry basket." "Hey, I've got reasons for what I'm doing," REALLY MEANS, "I sure hope I think of some pretty soon." "What did I do this time?" REALLY MEANS, "What did you catch me doing?" "I heard you," REALLY MEANS, "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me." "You really look terrific in that outfit," REALLY MEANS, "Please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving." "I brought you a present," REALLY MEANS, "It was free ice scraper night at the ball/hockey game." "I missed you," REALLY MEANS, "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are hungry and we are out of toilet paper." "I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are," REALLY MEANS, "No one will ever see us alive again." "This relationship is getting too serious," REALLY MEANS, "I like you as much as I like my truck." "We share the housework," REALLY MEANS, "I make the messes. She cleans them up." =========================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: _\|/_ /--\ |[]| _] \/ [_ /_ `==' _\ \\| |// l\ __/j `|-'##| |#||#| |#||#| _|#||#|_ `==" "==` as A young man volunteered to baby-sit one night so his mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to watch football. One child kept creeping down the stairs but the young man kept sending him back. At 9pm, the doorbell rang, it was the next-door neighbor Mrs. Brown, asking whether her son was there. The young man brusquely replied, "No". Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted, "I'm here Mom but he won't let me go home." -<>- There was a gentleman in the hospital bed next to me. He was covered with bandages from head to toe. I said to him, "What do you do for a living?" He said, "Well, I used to be a window washer." I asked, "When did you give it up?" He replied, "Halfway down." -<>- As the coals from our barbecue burned down, our hosts passed out marshmallows and long roasting forks. Just then, two fire trucks roared by, sirens blaring, lights flashing. They stopped at a house right down the block. All twelve of us raced out of the back yard, down the street, where we found the owners of the blazing house standing by helplessly. They glared at us with looks of disgust. Suddenly, we realized why......... we were all still holding our roasting forks with marshmallows on them... -<>- _.-----. _.-----. , .-' .--. \ .-' `-. (c__ .' ( `-)----' `. / `-._.' (\ VK Knock knock Who's there? Golaith Goliath who? Goliath down, you looketh tired. -<>- My co-worker was being let go due to a nasty habit she had of not always showing up for work. As an officer in our union, I was preparing to argue on her behalf when she took matters into her own hands and insisted, "But I was really sick this time!" [Reader's Digest.] -<>- An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews, Scotland. He slices his opening drive out of bounds onto the beach, so he tees another one up and smacks it right down the middle. The golfer turns to his old Scottish caddy and tells him that in America that is called a "Mulligan" and asks him if there is a name for it in Scotland. The caddy replies, "AYE, we call it a three." -<>- A research group on sea mammals captured a rather odd por- poise on one of its trips. Its peculiarity was that it had feet. After they had photographed and measured the poor thing, they prepared to set it free. "Wait a minute," said one of the researchers, "Wouldn't it be a kindness if our ship's doctor here were to amputate the feet so that it would be like other porpoises?" "Not on your life," exclaimed the doctor, "That would be defeeting the porpoise." ========================================================== ,-----. /' `\ ; ----,---- ; | `o- |`o- | | |_ | | _____, | \_ _/ | `-----' | __.-; ;-.__ _,-' ; : ; ; `-._ _,' `. ,`-,_____ \ : : / ____,-'-, /' ```----. .----''' `\ / \_/ \ | | | | , | , | | | | | | | \ | / | \ /\ o | o /\ / / | |`\ / \ /'| | \ | | | `------' `------' | | | | | \ _.--'|`--._ / | | \ | | __|--'|`--|__ | | / | | | __|--'|`--|__pb | | | >-->The Bachelor Diet Monday Breakfast - Who can eat Breakfast on a Monday? Swallow some toothpaste while brushing your teeth. Lunch - Send your secretary out for six "gutbombers" - those little hamburgers that used to cost a dime but now cost sixty five cents. Also order French fries, a bowl of chili, a soft drink and have her stop on the way back for a family size bottle of Maalox. Afternoon Snack - Drink the Maalox. Dinner - Six pack of beer and Kentucky fried chicken three-piece Dinner, don't eat the coleslaw. Tuesday Breakfast - Eat the coleslaw. Lunch - Go to the office vending machine and put ninety five cents in and close your eyes, push a button and eat whatever comes out swallowing it whole to prevent nausea. Dinner - Four tacos and a pitcher of Sangria at El Flasho's. Wednesday Breakfast - Stomach couldn't handle breakfast after a night at El Flasho's. Lunch - Rolaids and a coke. Dinner - Drop in at a married friends house and beg for scraps. Thursday Breakfast - Order out for pizza. Lunch - Your secretary is out sick, check Mondays gutbomber sack for leftovers. Dinner - Go to a bar. Ask the bartender for extra olives. Friday Breakfast - Eggs, sausage and an English muffin at McDonalds. Eat the Styrofoam plate and leave the food. It tastes better and it's better for you. Lunch - Skip Lunch, Fridays are murder. Dinner - Steak, well-done, baked potato and asparagus. Don't eat the asparagus, nobody really likes asparagus. Saturday Breakfast - Sleep through it. Lunch - Ditto. Dinner - Steak, well done, baked potato, and brussel sprouts. Don't eat the Brussel Sprouts. Take them home and plant them in a hanging basket. Sunday Breakfast - Three Bloody Mary's and a Twinkie. Lunch - Eat Lunch? And waste a good buzz? Dinner - Chicken noodle soup. Call home and ask about renting our old room. ========================================================== >-->From JokeCentral: ________ \______ \ _______ ____ _____ _____ ______ | | \ \_ __ \ _/ __ \ \__ \ / \ / ___/ | ` \ | | \/ \ ___/ / __ \_ | | \ \ \___ \ /_______ / |__| \___ > (____ / |__|_| / /____ > \/ \/ \/ \/ \/ >A Woman's Ultimate Fantasy In a recent Harris On-line poll 38,562 men across the US were asked to identify woman's ultimate fantasy. 97.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning. -<>- _____ / \/_ //\__(\_\ |\ ^ ^ | .//_O \O_ \ \_ (_) / \ \_/ / __/\ /\__ / \ \ / / \ / \/\/\/ \ / | . | \ / | . | \ JRO >Repairs When a guy's printer type began to grow faint, he called local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually, it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first." -<>- >Sir Arthur Conan Doyle The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them. Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, "You must have been a tremendous fan of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle." "Why would you say that?" wondered the broker. "Because you've made more brilliant deductions on your last three returns than Sherlock Holmes made in his entire career." -<>- >Original Ownership A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer 3 months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply ... _____ _____________________ | ,-. | | | |((#))| | ejm | |_`-'_| | \ | | )\ | | `\ | | (\ | | \\ | | \\ | | \\ | | \\ | | \\ | | \\ | |___________________\\| \\ \, (actual letter): "Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented an application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear title back to its origin." Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows (actual letter): "Your letter regarding title in Case 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than in the years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the U.S. from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the reigning monarch, Isabella. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to fund Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God. And God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana. He, therefore, would be the owner of origin. I hope to heavens you find His original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our loan?" They got it! [From Dave Scovel by way of Brother Tim and the guys over at Pearly Gates.] -<>- ,_pJop:b._ .._8:\8:b.'[\,J_.. _bLYOP"_,._|'.|\dbbY. ._/V|.b-""-' `-P'/bY/[.| |,|\'|| _ _ 'Yb_bb||\ ,.//8)(/: <@> <@> |\|'|,J'| '""PP|(.| |,)pJ[,-| .,,J/'_\|: '- :||\/PJ/.\. /_/-P^'|'_: == ; '-|\.\/_.. ,_,|\'/8:-.\ / '''o8/`' [_J./8\/ / `--'| '-'-- `-''__,-' |\_ >PUNY RIDDLE CHAIN: What would you call a group of Chinese soldiers who drop balms in favor of ointments? The salve Asian army (Gary Hallock) Gallstones are produced in the gall bladder by the precipitation of bile. A stone will remain there until it breaks twice. Each piece will then attempt to enter the duodenum by passing through the bile duct. Why is this splitting necessary for unobstructed passage to occur? Because all gall is divided into three parts. (Stan Kegel) I came down with a viral infection that caused me to nearly lose my voice and also left me somewhat dizzy and disoriented. You might easily describe my sad condition with a phrase that makes it sound like I'm still in the 19th century. What is it? I was in the hoarse and buggy daze (Gary Hallock) The game show host, a former Marine, lived with his family in a famous Mexican city. Name that family and their location. The Halls of Monte Zuma (CynthiaMacGregor) A carpenter married to a real estate saleslady was often asked by his wife to apply a decongestant rub to her chest. He calls this his little- VIcks'er upper (Gary Reeves) What is the term for someone who converts to another denomination? A Sects Change (By Stan Kegel) What computer software would a witch need to use if she wants to place a hex on a taxicab? A spell checker (By Gary Hallock) What play is about a faithful young woman who is publicly accused of infidelity by her beau to her deep embarrassment? The Shaming of the True (Stan Kegel) -<>- ___ __..--'' \ ___..--'' \ ___..--'' \ __..--'' \ \ __..--\ \ __..--'' __..--\-._ \ __..--'' __..--'' '-._ \ __..--'' __..--'' \ _..--\__..--'' __..--'' | / \__..--'' __..__ .' | __..--'' ''--..__.' \ __..--'' .:` `:. \ \ _..--'' .:` `:. | `. _.-' `:. \ `-.___.-' .-=-. | / .-=. / .--.\ .-=-. / / / /.-. \ | /####\| / .--.\ | | | | | \ \ \####// | /####\| / \/ / \ | `-.__.` \ \####// |/ / \ \ `--._...--. \| / `. \ \| / | \| | \ `-._ / `. `-.._ / `. _.:` `. __..--'' \ / | | LGB >OTHER RIDDLES: In the 19th century, many painful things might be seen on the face of a man who kept a stiff upper lip and turned the other cheek when confronted by a bully. He could get a brow beating, a nose blow, or a tongue lashing. Although it would be a lobe blow, he might even have his ears boxed. Beyond all of this, there is an even more hair raising thing that would commonly happened to many a fellow's face. What was it? Moustache whacks (Gary Hallock) Where do they keep a record of the fibs that our US Senators and Representatives tell? In the LIEbrary of Congress! (Tiffany Wimberly) What do they call a blind person in Germany during World War II? A not-see (The Placebo Page) Why is a Cyclops such a good driver? Because he always keeps one eye on the road. (Nayeli) What's the difference between golf and politics? In golf, you can't improve your lie. (Beckie Shiles) What do you call a exam given to a criminal? A con-test (Susie Mundy) Give an example of pay as you go. A coin-operated toilet. (Jeff MacNelly) What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say? Satisfaction guaranteed or your mummy back! (Gail S. Angel) -<>- ###### ########## ###### _\_ ##===----[.].] #( , _\ # )\__| \ / `-._``-' >@ | | | | | | | dp/VK | >Inflatable An inflatable boy goes to an inflatable school, in one particular lesson his inflatable teacher, said to him "what is 4+4"...the inflatable boy said " I couldn't give a toss". The inflatable teacher is shocked and said " this is no way to speak to me..go and see the inflatable head master". Whilst in line to see the inflatable head master the inflatable boy sees a pair of scissors, and picks them up. The inflatable head master motions the inflatable boy into his inflatable office. Whilst in the inflatable office the inflatable boy starts to stab at himself and the walls of the inflatable office... The head master is shocked enough to say " you are not only letting the school down, but also yourself" -<>- ,--. ,--. ( O ) ( O ) `--' \ `--' \ _ >-. / /| `-.__.' Krogg >The positive side of life Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on! Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live. Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open. Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them? Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us. If Walmart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet? You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person. Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once! Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened. We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors.... but they all exist very nicely in the same box! A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour. Have an awesome day, and know that someone who thinks you're great has thought about you today!.. "And that person was me."..... Please don't keep this message to yourself..... send it to those who mean so much to you.... "NOW".. ============================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) At The Car Wash http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carwash.html Friends And Health! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendhealth.html Picture This! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/picturethis.html Graffiti Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/graffiti.html Watermelon Art 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/watermelon2.html Amazing Cop Cars 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars2.html Enter At Your Own Rick! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/risky.html Play With Harley! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/harley.html World's Best Dad! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/wbdad.html -<>- >From Our Friend Karenf :) Underwater environment is spectacular http://www.youtube.com/embed/mcbHKAWIk3I --- ...So relaxing and beautiful! Thanks KarenF! Saw this one there too... Disney Dolphin Discovery Show http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=D8AvEstX_3E#! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) Bored at Airport http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQQ3tAzOHDs --- ...LMAO! Thanks Linda! -<>- >From Our Friend EdLaF :) Bob Newhart-Stop It - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow0lr63y4Mw [Et-Ahem!] Jeff Dunham Arguing with Myself - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U60wrow0onE&feature=related 8 Minutes Of Anti-Obama Humor - YouTube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xEZEze17ebg&feature=fvwrel --- ...LOL! Good Ones! Thanks EdLaF! I FINALLY MADE IT TO BARNS & NOBLE AREN'T THEY OUT OF BUSINESS? http://www.barnesandnoble.com/c/e.j.-lafleur --- ...Cool! Wonderful! Great! Fantastic! And Super Awesome EdLaF! -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley! ipped : actiontrackstander http://goo.gl/DoPY6 ripped : family feud Host dead at 79 http://goo.gl/4JezP ripped : smoothies http://goo.gl/XbkIQ --- ...Smooth! Thanks Wesley! ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch." --Woody Allen "My son has a new nickname for me, 'Baldy.' I've got a new word for him... 'heredity.'" --Dan Savage A peculiar posting appeared one day on the company bulletin board. It read: Used tombstone for sale. Ideal for Person Named "Murphy." "You know when you're sitting on a chair and you lean back so you're just on two legs then you lean too far and you almost fall over but at the last second you catch yourself? I feel like that all the time." -Steven Wright My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last night it took four state troopers and a dog. Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. "My girlfriend is not a ball and chain--she's more of a spring-loaded trap." --Kevin Hench "I used to be scared of dogs. Then I realized that dogs are just as scared of me as I am of them; they just show it differently. They show it by barking and snapping at me, and I show it by wetting myself." --Dakota Shepard One day a man approached Groucho Marx and he said, "Please insult my wife. She loves your work. It would really give her a thrill if you insulted her." Groucho turned to the man and said, "Sir, you should be ashamed of yourself...To be married to a woman like that and not be able to think up your own insults!" My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates. >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************