Why God Made Moms And More.... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! :) -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->2 HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our first hottie is from our friend PatDeE. It amazes me the intricate work these artists can do with a chainsaw! Check out these awesome works here... .-----. /::::::|^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^. |():::::| . . . . . . . . .} \::::::| .' jgs '-----'^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Chainsaw Woodcarving Art 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodcarving2.html --- ...Wow! so many great ones! Thanks PatDeE! This next scorcher is from our friend Linda. One of those that will give you your 'awww' quota for the day! It is sure to bring you some smiles. Give it time to load and check it out here... ()-() /o o\ _\ Y /_ .--. _ O__`&`__0 /____\ ,_(')< / \ [B] \~~~~/ jgs \___) ()/^\() [A][C] '--' Cuddle BeBe Ragdolls http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ragdolls.html --- ...This one is just too cute! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Without Your Glasses _ _ .'_`\ .' `\ Soon after our last child left home (_( \ \ (_( \ \ for college, my husband was resting \ \ \ \ next to me on the couch with his jgs \ \ ____________\ \ head in my lap. I carefully \.'====. = .===='.\ removed his glasses. (( ) ( )) \\____//^\\____// "You know, honey," I said sweetly, '----' '----' "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ May 11 is Eat What You Want Day and Twilight Zone Day May 12 is Fatigue Syndrome Day and International Nurses Day May 13 is Frog Jumping, Leprechaun Day and National Receptionist Day May 14 is Dance Like a Chicken Day May 15 is National Chocolate Chip Day and Police Officer's Memorial Day May 16 is Armed Forces Day, Love a Tree Day and National Sea Monkey Day May 17 is Pack Rat Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: _ \`\ |= | /- ;.---. _ __.' (____) ` (_____) _' ._ .' (____) ` (___) jgs --`'------'` >Air Freshener A little boy was brought into the emergency room after ingesting part of a plug-in air freshener. After consulting Poison Control and monitoring him, the doctor wrote on his discharge, "Patient doing well. Ready to go home. Smells good." -<>- >Either/Or The folks around these parts have a peculiarity that drives me nutty. You ask them an "either/or" question, and their answer is -- "That'll be fine!" The other day, a lady was coming through my register. I asked, "Ma'am, would you like your milk in a bag or not?" "That'll be fine," was her reply. I looked quizzically at her, and asked, "Does that mean 'yes' or 'no'?" "I said that that'll be fine," was her answer. Since I was holding the milk up in my hand, out of a bag, I decided to assume that "that" in this case meant "that naked jug of milk that you're holding in your hand, not in a bag." This feeling was further reinforced by a slight nod of the head towards the jug just as she said the word "that'll." I set the jug in the cart without putting it in a sack. "I SAID I wanted it in a bag," she complained. "You want me to shout it or write it down for you?" "That'll be fine!" I replied. -<>- >Empty Seat The plane was only half-full. When an attractive young woman asked if the seat next to mine was free, my male ego soared. Soon we were chatting pleasantly, and she told me it was her first flight. "Mom said to sit next to someone I thought I could trust," she confessed nervously, "and you look just like my dad." -<>- >How Often? When I go to a local discount store to get oil and filters for my car, I buy my wife a bouquet of flowers on display near the checkout counter. During one trip, some women in line behind me were oohing and aahing about a husband getting flowers for his wife. "How often do you do that?" one asked. Before I could answer, the cashier, more than familiar with my routine, said, "Every three months or 3,000 miles, whichever comes first." -<>- >Trash Can One day, over the phone, I was helping a customer install a product on his iMac computer. The procedure required him to delete an old file. On the iMac there is an icon of a trash can that is used to collect items to be permanently deleted. I told the customer to click on the old file and drag it to the trash. Then I had him perform a few other steps. As a reminder, I said, "Don't forget to empty the trash." Obediently he replied, "Yes, Dear." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) ______________________________ .-' G R O U P H U G '-. .' ________________________ '. / .-'(")/6 6\(") /o o\("/6 6\'-. \ / /o o\(") =_//a a\_=_/_(")-_/a a\ \ | /\ -/o o\"/ )\_^_/(")( \/o o\_-_/\ | | \(")\ - // /___/o o\__\ \ = /(")"/ | \ '------' ____) -(____ '------' / \ _____)(____ / jgs\ ____) (____ / `'---------.____) (____.---------'` >SMILES Murphy drops some buttered toast on the kitchen floor. It lands butter- side-up. He looks at what he has done in astonishment, for he knows it's a law of nature that buttered toast always falls butter-down. He rushes to the presbytery to fetch the priest. He tells the priest that he thinks a miracle has happened at his place. He won't say what it is but wants Father Flannagan to see it with his own eyes. He brings the priest into the kitchen and asks him what he sees on the floor. "It's pretty obvious what we have here. Someone dropped some buttered toast, and then for some reason flipped it over so that the butter was on top." "No, Father, I dropped it and it landed like that." "Well! It's certainly a Law of the Universe that dropped toast never falls butter side up. But it's not for me to say it's a miracle. I'll report the matter to the bishop, and have him send people to interview you and take photos." A rigorous investigation is conducted, not only by priests of the archdiocese but also by scientists sent from the Archbishop. The final ruling is negative. It read: "It was certainly an extraordinary event that occurred in Murphy's room, quite outside the normal run of phenomena. Yet we have to be very cautious before ruling any happening miraculous, ruling out all possible natural explanations. In this case we have declared that no miracle occurred, for it possibly resulted from Murphy's having buttered the toast on the wrong side. -------- A blonde is speeding down the highway when a female officer, another blonde, spots her and pulls her over. She asks the driver for her license. The blonde driver says, "What's that?" The blonde officer tells her, "It's a square with your face on it." The blonde driver ruffles through her bag and after a few seconds produces a square make-up mirror and hands it to the blonde officer. The officer looks into the mirror and says to the driver, "Why didn't you tell me you were a cop? I woulda let you go!" -------- Olle, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew, and, soon people from all over the country were coming to him in Minnesota for paintings and formal portraits. One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo, while Olle was mowing the lawn. She asked Ole if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request. The beautiful lady said money was no object; she was willing to pay him $50,000. Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife, Ole asked the lady to wait while he went in the house and conferred with Lena, his missus. In a few minutes he returned and said to the lady, "Ya, shoor, you betcha. I'll paint ya in da nude, but I'll haff ta leave my socks on so I'll have a place to wipe my brushes." ------- An airplane encountered some turbulence, it started juddering and rocking noticeably from side to side. The flight crew wheeled out the drinks cart to keep the passengers calm. The attendant asked a businessman “Would you like a drink? “Why not?” he replied unkindly “I’ll have whatever the pilot’s been having. some turbulence, it started juddering and rocking noticeably from side to side. The flight crew wheeled out the drinks cart to keep the passengers calm. The attendant asked a businessman “Would you like a drink? “Why not?” he replied unkindly “I’ll have whatever the pilot’s been having. -------- As I stepped out of the shower, I heard someone in my kitchen downstairs. Knowing that my wife was out, I grabbed my baseball bat, thinking that could scare him off, and crept downstairs -- forgetting the fact that I was in my birthday suit. came around the corner with the bat raised, only to find my wife had made it home, and was now loading the dishwasher. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I thought I heard an intruder. I came down to scare him." She looked my naked body, up and down, and mumbled, "You didn't need the bat...." -------- I was not feeling well the other day so I cancelled my golf game and was bored with nothing to do. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find a young, well-dressed man standing there who said: "Hello sir, I'm a Jehovah's Witness." So I said, "Come in and sit down." I offered him a fresh cup of coffee and asked, "What do you want to talk about?" He said, "Beats the heck out of me. Nobody's ever let me in before." -------- Hypochondriac: "I have a terrible pain in my left side. I think it's appendicitis!" Doctor: "No, that can't be. The appendix is on the right side." Hypochondriac: "So THAT'S why it hurts so much! My appendix is on the wrong side!" -------- A client called my help desk saying she couldn't send an e-mail. I spent some time troubleshooting the issue and thought we had taken care of the problem. Just as I was finishing up, she interrupted me to ask, "Wait a minute, do I type @ in lower- or uppercase?" -------- As part of the admission procedure in the hospital where I work, I ask the patients if they are allergic to anything. If they are, I get busy and print it on an allergy band placed on the patient's wrists. Once when I asked an elderly woman if she had any allergies, she said she couldn't eat bananas. Imagine my surprise when a few hours later a very irate young man marches himself up to the nurses' station and demands, "Alright now, which one of you has labeled my mother 'bananas'? ------- None of his classmates liked him because of his stupidity and clumsiness, especially his teacher, who was always yelling at him, "You're driving me mad Tyrone. One day Tyrone's mom came to school to check on how he was doing. The teacher told his mom honestly, that her son was simply a disaster, getting very low marks, and that she had never seen such a stupid boy in her entire teaching career. The mom was shocked at the feedback and withdrew her son from school and moved out of Detroit, relocating to Cleveland. 25 years later, the teacher was diagnosed with an almost incurable cardiac disease. All the doctors strongly advised her to have heart surgery, which only one surgeon at the Cleveland Clinic could perform. Left with no other options, the teacher decided to have the operation, which was successful. When she opened her eyes after the surgery she saw a handsome young doctor smiling down at her. She wanted to thank him, but could not talk. Her face started to turn blue, she raised her hand, trying to tell him something but quickly died. The doctor was shocked, wondering what went wrong so suddenly. Then he turned around and saw our friend Tyrone, a janitor in the Clinic, who had unplugged the life-support equipment in order to connect his vacuum cleaner. Don't tell me you thought Tyrone became a heart surgeon. ------- Like your new job?" "It's the worst job I've ever had." "How long have you been there?" "About three months." "Why don't you quit?" "No way. This is the first time in 20 years that I've looked forward to going home." -------- A Minnesota phone company was going to hire a team of telephone pole installers. The boss had to choose between a team of two Norwegians and a team of two Irishmen. The boss met with both teams and said, "Each team will be installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job. Both teams headed right out. At end of the shift, Pat and Mike came back first. The boss asked, "How many poles did you install?" "Sure an' it was tough goin', but we put in twelve." Some time later, Ole and Sven came back totally exhausted. "Well, how many poles did you guys install?" "Sven and me, we got three in." "Three? Those two Irish guys put in twelve!" "Oh Yah, but you should see how much they left stickin' outta the ground!" -------- Our kindergarten class went to the fire station for a tour and some instruction in fire safety. The fireman was explaining what to do in case of a fire. He said, "First, go to the door and feel the door to see if it's hot." Then he said, "Fall to your knees. Does anyone know why you ought to fall to your knees?" One of the little tykes said, "Sure! To start praying to ask God to get us out of this mess!" --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseA! ------- .{{}}}}}}. {{{{{}}}}}}}. {{{{ {{{{{}}}} }}}}} _ _ {{{{{ }}}} 6 6 }}}} {{{{C ^ {{{{ }}}}}}\ '=' /}}}}} {{{{{{{;.___.;}}}}}} {{{{{{{) (}}}}}}' jgs `""'"': :'"'"'` `@` >Why God made moms (Answers given by 2nd grade school children) Why did God make mothers? 1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is. 2. Mostly to clean the house. 3. To help us out of there when we were getting born. How did God make mothers? 1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us. 2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring. 3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He Just used bigger parts. What ingredients are mothers made of? 1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean. 2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think. Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom? 1. We're related. 2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me. What kind of little girl was your mom? 1. My mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff. 2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy. 3. They say she used to be nice. What did mom need to know about dad before she married him? 1. His last name. 2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer? 3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores? Why did your Mom marry your dad? 1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats alot. 2. She got too old to do anything else with him. 3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on. Who's the boss at your house? 1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball. 2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed. 3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad. What's the difference between moms and dads? 1. Moms work at work and work at home, & dads just go to work at work. 2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them. 3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine. What does your Mom do in her spare time? 1. Mothers don't do spare time. 2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long. What would it take to make your Mom perfect? 1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery. 2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue. If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be? 1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that. 2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me. 3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on her back of her head. ------- >Absolute Truths The nicest thing about the future is it always starts tomorrow. Money will buy a fine dog but only kindness will make him way his tail. If you don't have a sense of humor then you probably don't have any sense at all. Seatbelts are not as confining as wheelchairs. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you are in deep water. Scratch a dog or cat and you will have a permanent job. There are no new sins, the old ones just get more publicity. There are worse things then getting a call for a wrong number at 4 am, it could be the right number. No one ever says, "It's only a game," when their team is winning. I've reached the age when happy hour is a nap. Do you realize that in about 40 years we'll have thousands of old ladies with tattoos! Always be yourself because the people that matter don't mind, and the ones that mind don't matter. Be careful about reading the fine print, there's no way you're going to like it. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift. --- ...Amen! Thanks LouiseA! ------- ,____________, .' '. /~~~~^~~~^~^~~~\ / _ /|| \ ; ( } \||D ; | | /\__,=[_] | ; ( |_\_ |---| ; \ )| |/ | | / jgs'. | /_ | |.' '------------' >A POEM FOR COMPUTER USERS OVER 30 A computer was something on TV, from a science fiction show of note. A window was something you hated to clean, and ram was the cousin of a goat. Meg was the name of my girlfriend, and a gig was job for the night. Now they all mean different things, and that really mega bytes. An application was for employment. A program was a TV show. A cursor used profanity. A keyboard was a piano. Memory was something that you lost with age. A CD was a bank account. Compress was something you did to the garbage, not something you did to a file, and if you unzipped anything in public you'd be in jail for a while. Log on was adding wood to the fire. Hard drive was a long trip on the road. A mouse pad was where a mouse lived, and backup happened to your commode. Cut you did with a pocket knife. Paste you did with glue. A web was a spider's home, and a virus was the flu. I guess I'll stick to my pad and paper, and the memory in my head. I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash, but when it happens, they will wish they were dead. --- ...HaHa! A great classic! Thanks LouiseA! ------- >Dear Abby, My husband is a liar and a cheat. He has cheated on me from the beginning, and, when I confront him, he denies everything. What's worse, everyone knows that he cheats on me. It is so humiliating. Also, since he lost his job 14 years ago, he hasn't even looked for a new one. All he does all day is smoke cigars, cruise around and shoot the bull with his buddies, while I have to work to pay the bills. Since our daughter went away to college he doesn't even pretend to like me, and even hints that I may be a lesbian. What should I do? Signed: Clueless Dear Clueless: Grow up and dump him. You don't need him anymore! Good grief woman, you're running for President of the United States. --- ...LMAO! A good one! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->From Our friend Geniann :) ______ '-._ ```"""---.._ ,-----.:___ `\ ,;;;, '-.._ ```"""--.._ |,%%%%%% _ , '. `\;;;; -\ _ _.'/\ .' `-.__ \ ,;;;;" .__{=====/_)==:_ || ,===/ ```";,,,,,,,;;;;;'`-./.____,'/ / '.\/ '---/ ';;;;;;;;' `--.._.' / ,===/ '-. `\/ '---/ ,'`. | ; __.-' \ ,' jgs \______,,.....------'''`` `---` >A Classic! Let The Games Begin! Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said, 'THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job.' So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away. They moused. They faxed. They e-mailed. They e-mailed with attachments. They downloaded. They did spreadsheets! They wrote reports. They created labels and cards. They created charts and graphs. They did some genealogy reports . They did every job known to man. Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell. Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off.. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed.. Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming: 'It's gone! It's all GONE! 'I lost everything when the power went out!' Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work. Satan observed this and became irate. 'Wait!' he screamed. 'That's not fair! He cheated! How come he has all his work and I don't have any?' God just shrugged and said, JESUS ALWAYS SAVES... --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Geniann! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: There is 'eating out' your ex-girlfriend and then there is eating your ex-girlfriend. One will get you an awkward next morning with someone you thought you had ended a relation- ship with, the other will get you a lifetime in a metal and concrete cage while criminology experts examine you through a tiny window. This Indiana man will not have to worry about having that awkward next morning conversation with his ex. Clark County has charged 34-year-old Joseph Oberhansley with murder and abuse of a corpse in the death of 46-year-old Tammy Jo Blanton in September. According to court documents, Oberhansley told police he broke into Blanton's home and killed and mutilated her, then ate her heart and parts of her brain and lung. That's right; real, live Hannibal Lecter crap. And if you think this story couldn't possible get any worse, Clark County Prosecutor Jeremy Mull just recently asked for a rape charge to be added. In Indiana, aggravated circum- stances needed for a jury to consider the death penalty include rape, burglary and dismemberment. I didn't think things could get much more aggravated than eating somebody's brains, but I guess I was wrong. --- ,,,Boy did she go with the wrong guy! *-- Authorities find 'underwater skeleton tea party' in Arizona --* CIENEGA SPRINGS, Ariz. (UPI) - Authorities in Arizona responding to a report of human remains in the Colorado River said they actually discovered a staged "underwater skeleton tea party." The La Paz County Sheriff's Department said deputies received a report Monday from a Colorado River snorkeler who spotted what appeared to be human remains near the Cienega Springs boat launch. A Buckskin Fire Department diver investigated with a video camera and discovered the reported remains were actually a pair of fake skeletons in lawn chairs having what the sheriff's department described as an "underwater skeleton tea party." "Although the call itself was resource intensive, both the Sheriff's Office and Buckskin Fire were happy to find that the remains weren't real and thanked the reporting party for making the call," the department said. *-- Nebraska woman suing all homosexuals on behalf of 'God' --* OMAHA (UPI) - A Nebraska woman filed a seven-page handwritten court brief detailing her lawsuit against all homosexuals on behalf of "God" and "his son, Jesus Christ." Sylvia Driskell, 66, of Auburn, filed a federal lawsuit Friday in Omaha asking for a federal judge to rule on whether or not homosexuality is a sin. Driskell's seven-page court brief, which is entirely handwritten, describes the woman as an "ambassador for plaintiffs God, and his son, Jesus Christ." The defendants listed in the lawsuit are "homosexuals," noting the group uses the "alis [alias], gay." The brief cites several Bible verses and argues "that homosexuality is a sin and that they the homosexuals know it is a sin to live a life of homosexuality. Why else would they have been hiding in the closet." Driskell cited the Biblical destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah as evidence of God's distaste for "immoral behavior." "I never thought that I would see a day in which our great nation or our own great state of Nebraska would become so compliant to the complicity of some peoples lewd behavior," Diskell wrote. "Why are judges passing laws, so sinners can break religious and moral laws. Will all the judges of this nation, judge God to be a lier [liar]." Driskell is representing herself in the lawsuit. *-- Police: Man fell off Florida bridge while changing a tire --* ST. PETERSBURG, Fla. (UPI) - Police in Florida said a man fell 30 feet into Tampa Bay while he was attempting to change a tire on the Sunshine Skyway Bridge. The St. Petersburg Police Department said Reginald White, 43, of Bradenton, was driving a sport-utility vehicle Sunday night with two passengers when a tire blew out on the bridge around 9:20 p.m. Police spokeswoman Yolanda Fernandez said White was attempting to change the tire and tripped over the thigh-high wall when he walked backward to avoid traffic. White suffered only minor injuries in his fall and was able to cling to a piling until he was fished out of Tampa Bay by a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission crew. He was taken to Bayfront Health St. Petersburg for treatment. The Florida Highway Patrol is investigating the incident. *-- North Carolina dog blamed for crashing pickup into pool --* ERWIN, N.C. (UPI) - A North Carolina couple whose pickup truck crashed into a swimming pool said their black lab was responsible for putting pressure on the gas pedal. Mike and Ruth Smith said their dog, Caroline, was riding with them on a trip to the grocery store in their 1988 Dodge pickup Friday when something spooked her. "When she gets scared she will go down on the floorboard of the truck," Mike Smith told WRAL-TV. Smith said Caroline chose the driver's side floor on this occasion and put all 90 pounds of her weight on the gas pedal. He said he was unable to pull the dog up from the floor and Ruth Smith, who was driving, aimed the vehicle for a wooden fence in the hopes of stopping the truck. The pickup crashed through the fence and ended up in John McNamara's swimming pool. McNamara said he was in the kitchen with his wife when they heard the commotion in the yard. "I just had open heart surgery in January," McNamara told WTVD-TV. "I said, 'I'm gonna have another heart attack here.'" Michael Smith suffered a few cuts to his head. Ruth Smith and Caroline were not injured. The Dodge was totaled. "I hate that it happened to [McNamara's] pool, but I think that it might have saved our lives," Michael Smith said. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _,,,_ .' `'. / ____ \ | .'_ _\/ / ) a a| / ( > | ( ) ._ / ) _/-.__.'`\ ( .-'`-. \__ ) `/ `-./ `. | \ \ \ jgs | \ \ \ \ |\ `. / / \ Before my daughter went on her first date, I gave her "the talk." "Sometimes, it's easy to get carried away when you are with a boy," I said. "Remember, a short moment of indiscretion could ruin your life." "Don't worry," she said. "I don't plan on ruining my life until I get married." -<>- My sister and I were out on the town one night when we ran into a man I knew. "You're sisters?" he asked incredulously. "You look nothing alike. Pointing to her nose and my chin, my sister said, "Different plastic surgeons." -<>- Rushing to get to the movies, my husband and I told the kids we had to leave "right now" - at which point our teenage daughter headed for the bathroom to apply makeup. Her dad yelled for her to get in the car immediately, and headed for the garage grumbling. On the way to the multiplex my husband glanced in the rear- view mirror and caught our teen applying lipstick and blush, which produced the predictable lecture. "Look at your mom," he said. "She didn't put on any makeup just to go sit in a dark movie theater." >From the back I heard, "Yeah, but Mom doesn't need makeup." My heart swelling with the compliment, I turned back to thank this sweet, wonderful daughter of mine just as she continued, "Nobody looks at her." -<>- A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They are appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girl's mom says, "Dear, he doesn't seem to be a very nice boy." "Oh, please, Mom!" says the daughter. "If he wasn't nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?" -<>- An elderly patient paid me a wonderful compliment. "You're beautiful," she said. I must have looked skeptical because she was quick to assure me that she was sincere. "It's just that I rarely hear flattering comments about my looks," I explained. She smiled understandingly. "That's just because you're fat. But it doesn't mean you aren't pretty." -<>- ,.s,os,osos,, ((S;%(S;S)S)S)SS;, ,(;s&;SS((&%(S(;(S;)%S;, ,;(S(&((S;%S(S((;)S)S&%)));, ,))JGS%S)SSS)S(S&(;S(%))S(&(; ((&s(;((;(S(%S(;)S%S)S))S;&))S); ;)s)%)`';& 'S`. S `((%(S;&, )(&(S( .' ' .' ) )')S)), S,})&;) ' ' ' (%(&;(S% ,((%(( ___ _... )S%_))) S;));)'`___`'-. .-' __,`((/,(;(S ;((;(S(/`(_)`'-. : : .-'`(_)`\ );)|%) (S(;&( `----'` . ' `''--'` (Ss'|)) `))%))::. . ' .::)%/;(S ((S((;'::. ' . .::'('s))&) ( );;S)' . . ' `);(;S )(`%( '- -` (' )' ( ( )\ __ __ ,;) ' ) \ .;-=`:`=-;. / ( \ \`-..-'`/ / '._ `'---'` _.' '-._ _.-' `'-'` When I was a kid adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up. What with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning uphill both ways through year 'round blizzards carrying their younger siblings on their backs to their one-room schoolhouse where they maintained a straight-A average despite their full-time after-school job at the local textile mill where they worked for 35 cents an hour just to help keep their family from starving to death! And I remember promising myself that when I grew up there was no way I was going to lay that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But.... Now that I've reached the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the library and look it up ourselves! And there was no email! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen! And then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! And there were no MP3s or Napsters! If you wanted to steal music, you had to go to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or, we had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up! You want to hear about hardship? We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was, it could be your boss, your Mom, a collections agent, you didn't know!!! You just had to pick it up and take your chances, mister! And we didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation videogames with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and "Asteroids"! Your guy was a little square! You had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win, the game just kept getting harder and faster until you died! Just like LIFE! When you went to the movie theater, there was no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy sat in front of you, you watched his hairstyle! And sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 20 channels and there was no onscreen menu! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! And there was no Cartoon Network! You could only get cartoons on Saturday morning... D'ya hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled! You guys wouldn't last five minutes back in 1984! -<>- _._ .' '. | / //\\\ \ | ( ( -\- ) ) | '-\_=_/-' // .-'\ /'-. (|/ / '-' \ / / | \__ __/_/\/ /| | |\ / \ / \ \ \ '-' `\/\ ; |/|\ | | | | | | | |_______| | | | \ | / jgs /=|=\ (_/T\_) As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by her students she read, "Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset." She wrote at the bottom of the page, "You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the ground. A burro is an ass. At your age it's time to learn the difference." -<>- Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway. "You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Melody :) sSSSSSSs SSS'\\\\SS SSS` - -'SS SS(, a \a S Hmmm, What's my occupation... SSSSS -' |S 'SSS\ '= /S/| 'S|`-. __.' / | .-'| `-.__.' .-\ / /-. | | { _/ \_ } | | `| | | | | '. | | .' jgs '-.| |.' `"` >The Last Laugh Author Unknown A few months ago, when I was picking up the children at school, another mother I knew well, rushed up to me. Emily was fuming with indignation. "Do you know what you and I are?" she demanded. Before I could answer - and I didn't really have one handy - she blurted out the reason for her question. It seemed she had just returned from renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office. Asked by the woman recorder to state her "occupation," Emily had hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself. "What I mean is," explained the recorder, "Do you have a job, or are you just a....?" "Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mother." "We don't list "mother" as an occupation...'housewife' covers it," said the recorder emphatically. I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall. The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high-sounding title, like "Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar." "And what is your occupation?" she probed. What made me say it, I do not know. The words simply popped out. "I'm....a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations." The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in mid-air, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words. Then I stared with wonder as my pompous pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire. "Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?" Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out). I'm working for my Masters (the whole family) and already have four credits (all daughters). Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to agree?) and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it). But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are in satisfaction rather than just money." There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door. As I drove into our driveway buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants---age 13, 7, and 3. And upstairs, I could hear our new experimental model (six months) in the child- development program, testing out a new vocal pattern. I felt triumphant. I had scored a beat on bureaucracy. And I had gone down on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another......" Home...what a glorious career. Especially when there's a title on the door. ---------------- Titus 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. ('Obedient' here ladies just means he gets the last word on things. He is the head of the household just as Christ is head of the church.) What's the pay? Proverbs 31:28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her. --- ...Awesome! Thanks Melody! ==================================================== >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Old US Cites Photos http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/uscities.html Amazing Cop Cars 2!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/copcars2.html Crop Circle Mystery 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mystery2.html There's Something About Mona! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monalisa.html Mystery Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mart.html Bikes From The Past!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/pastbikes.html Guoliang Tunnel Road!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tunnel.html City That Time Forgot!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/city.html About Dogs And People!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/aboutdogs.html Bolivia's Road Of Death!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bolivia.html Lamborghini Aventador!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lambo.html Classic Chevy Collection!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevy.html Thinkers And Their Desks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/desks.html Nostalgic Golden Memories!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goldenoldie.html Amazing Street-Legal Airplane!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/transition.html -<>- >From our friend PatDeE :) I wish I could miss New Jersey! -Pat The Italian Carpool lane. Ah only in New Jersey , don't you miss New Jersey ? https://tbi69.wordpress.com/2011/01/23/video-the-italian-carpool-lane/ --- ...HaHa! They like picking on him eh? Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) BEST STORM TIME-LAPSE: Lightning, Tornado & Supercell Montage http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZcBlAjf2NE Media Research Center http://tinyurl.com/lucv7av Pass The Salt - YouTube https://www.youtube.com/embed/6_-xTxP1hD4?autoplay=1 --- ...LOL! Thanks Melody! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Drones http://tinyurl.com/nzsqpn7 Old Japanese Man - Really Amazing http://www.youtube.com/embed/75X7G-38xBk --- ...He's fun! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseA :) It has been perhaps the most eventful 100 years in the history of mankind. The world has changed drastically in the last 100 years, and we've known much suffering, along with an unprecedented rise in individual rights, freedom and technology. But when seeing it all in the space of 10 minutes, one cannot but ask - What's next? https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Xxh-sS8Qoco If you ask a diver why they like diving, you'll get a few answers - "Because of the feeling of weightlessness", "The wildlife", "The silence", etc. But all divers will agree that the world you find under the waves is pure beauty. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMldSFwXTfU&feature=player_embedded I love magic! It's so much fun to try to figure out how they pull of these amazing illusions. But what's even more fun is watching the reactions of these drive-thru attendants. You have to see this high-quality magic trick and see the funny reactions. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=omo6g8j-L3s&feature=player_embedded Ceremonial guards and honor guards in militaries around the world are under strict orders of decorum. They must never smile or laugh under any circumstances while on duty. Have you ever wondered how they train them to do it? Watch this cool video from the USAF Honor Guard Tech School. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9AqqmjGzeTQ&feature=player_embedded --- ...Sweet! Thanks LouiseA! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new survey found that 77 percent of Americans think politicians do serious harm to the country. Politicians are like, 'Cool, at least they think we do something.'" -Jimmy Fallon "President Obama told Congress it must raise our debt limit because the U.S. 'is not a deadbeat nation.' Then the president added, 'By the way, if China calls, I'm not here.'" -Conan O'Brien "Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg introduced a new feature called Graph Search. It's an interesting feature. Soon you'll be able to find anything you want on Facebook, except for the thousands of hours of your life you lost going on Facebook." -Jimmy Kimmel "Archeologists investigating an ancient shipwreck in Italy have discovered pills over 2,000 years old. Meanwhile, my mom was like, 'That date is just a recommendation. They're still good.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Justin Bieber is being sued for allegedly beating up his ex-bodyguard. Which begs the question - who hires a body- guard that Justin Bieber can beat up?" -Conan O'Brien "My New Year's resolution this year was to get a gym member- ship, use it twice, and then never use it again. I'm already halfway there." -Jimmy Kimmel "Resolutions just set you up for failure. My resolution last year was to learn Spanish, and that only lasted about dos weekos." -Craig Ferguson "According to a new poll, Congress is now less popular than head lice, Nickelback, and Donald Trump. In a related story, head lice is insulted that it's being lumped in with Donald Trump and Nickelback." -Conan O'Brien >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************