Why The Spoon And More ... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ === (`\,;+++;,/`) (- (((^.^))) -) (- ))\-/(( -) (- (() ()) -) \ `/`@`\` / \ / \ / \/ \/ / \ /_/_/_|_\_\_\ ldb *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels For 2010 *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a 2010 Shangrala Angel, please visit the site and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL page comes up. Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS ALL OUR ANGELS MOST ABUNDANTLY! ================ >-->2 Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This smoking Hot one comes from our friend Wesley. It is so amazing I could not resist doing up a page on it! See what I mean here... ___ / _ \\ ,, /=(_)=\\// \ =(_) (O} \_____\\ .--. Jonathon R. Oglesbee /=(_)\\\ .'_\/_'. \____/// '. /\ .' aka JRO ()) "||" || /\ /\ ||//\) (/\\||/ ____________\||/________________________________ Adam In Paradise http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/adam.html --- ...A Beautiful one! Thank You Wesley! -<>- This next one comes from a forward from our friend Denise. I do love a good story and this sure is one for the records! Check it out here and see if you don't agree... __...----.. .-' `-. / .---.._ \ | | \ \ | `. | | | | _____ ` ' | | / _.-` `. \ | .'| //'''.' \ `---'_(`.||.`.`.' _.`.'''-. \ _(`'. `.`.`'.-' \\ \ \ (' .' `-._.- / \\ \ | ('./ `-._ .-| \\ || ('.\ | | 0') ('0 __.--. \`----'/ _.--('..| `-- .' .-. `. `--..' _..--..._ _.-' ('.:| . / ` 0 ` \ .' .-' `..' | / .^. | / .' \ ' . `._ .'| `. \`...____.----._.' .'.'| . \ | |_||_||__| // \ | _.-'| |_ `. \ || | | /\ \_| _ _ | || | /. . ' `.`.| || || || / ' ' | . | `.`---'/ .' `. | .' .'`. \ .' / `...' .' \ \ .'.' `---\ '.-' | )/\ / /)/ .| \ `. `.\ \ )/ \( / \ | \ | `. `-. )/ ) | | __ \ \.-` \ | /| ) .-. //' `-| \ _ / / _| | `-'.-.\ || `. )_.--' ) \ '-. / '| ''.__.-`\ | / `-\ '._|--' \ `. \ _\ / `---. LGB /.--` \ \ .''''\ `._..._| `-.' .-. | '_.'-./.' Mule Vs Lion! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mulelion.html --- ...What a great true story! Thanks Denise! -<>- >-->From Our Friends At TruthOrTradition.com :) Greetings and God bless you! We get asked these two questions a lot: "What Does the Bible Say About Tattoos?" "Can a Christian Get a Tattoo?" We are excited to let you know that we now have a biblical research article and a 5-part video series that we trust will help to clear up some of the confusion about tattoos. http://www.TruthOrTradition.com/tattoos We trust these free online resources are a blessing to you! The Staff of Spirit & Truth Fellowship International STFonline.org ============================================================== >-->From The FunnyBone: .:'""""':. __ // \\_..-'' \ || |_ | ANAGRAMS \\ // ''-..__/ jgs ':.____.:' `""""` Word When you rearrange the letters --------------------------------------------------------------- Dormitory Dirty Room Desperation A Rope Ends It The Morse Code Here come Dots Slot Machines Cash Lost in 'em Animosity Is No Amity Mother-in-law Woman Hitler Snooze Alarms Alas! No More Z's Alec Guinness Genuine Class Semolina Is No Meal The Public Art Galleries Large Picture Halls, I Bet A Decimal Point I'm a Dot in Place The Earthquakes That Queer Shake Eleven plus two Twelve plus one Contradiction Accord not in it Astronomer Moon Starer Princess Diana End Is A Car Spin Gene Simmons Immense Song A Domesticated Animal Docile, as a Man Tamed it Garbage Man Bag Manager Sherlock Holmes He'll mesh crooks Frito Lay Oily Fart Baseball Babes All The Meaning of Life The fine game of nil Schoolmaster The classroom A shoplifter has to pilfer listen silent George W Bush he grew bogus David Letterman Nerd Amid Late TV The Country Side No City Dust Here Flamethrower oh, felt warmer Clint Eastwood Old West Action Saddam Hussain Humans sad side Sheryl crow her slow cry Howard Stern Retard Shown Snooze Alarms Alas! No More Z's A Gentleman Elegant Man ================================================================ +--------------- Bizarre Presidential Facts ---------------+ Ronald Reagan, the 40th U.S. president, saved 77 people from drowning as a lifeguard in his youth at a riverside beach near Dixon, Illinois. 20th president of the United States James Garfield could write Greek with one hand while writing Latin with the other. Abe Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States, carried letters, bills, and notes in his notorious black, top-hat. First U.S. president George Washington rejected a movement among army officers to make him king of the United States. William Taft, 27th president of the United States, weighed more than 300 pounds and had a special over-sized bathtub installed in the White House. The 38th president of the United States, Gerald Ford turned down offers to play professional football for the Green Bay Packers and the Detroit Lions. ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend Denisie :) THIS IS A MUST READ!!!!!!! HAVE A BLESSED DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >INNER PEACE If you can start the day without caffeine, If you can get going without pep pills, If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it, If you can understand when your loved ones are too busy to give you any time, If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend, If you can conquer tension without medical help, If you can relax without liquor, If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, ."";._ _.---._ _.-"". /_.'_ '-' /`-` \_ \ .' / `\ \ /` \ '. .' / ; _ _ '-; \ ;'. _.' ; /\ / \ \ \ ; '._;._ .-'.--. | / | \0|0/ \ | '-. / /` \ | / .' \ | .---. \ | | | / /--' .-"""-. \ \/ \ | \ \ / / / ( , , ) /\ \ | / \ '----' .' | '-(_)-' | | '. / / `'----'` | '. | `'----'` jgs \ `/ '. , .' `-.____.' '.____.-' \ / '-' ...Then You Are Probably The Family Dog! And you thought I was going to get all spiritual with this, huh?! --- ...Aww, so true! LOL! Thanks Denise! =============================================================== >-->From Laugh&Lift: ,"=-. / _),`'". ( /a( ), ) ) C = = ?/ ( )) (_ o-< ) ( `-' \; ( \_ ( | \ ) )| \_/} \ \ \(_;/-|_) )/) `._,--/ / / `!__!! ( (_o)) ---`-._, )--- ------( / |---- | ( | :__/|\_; \ |/ )(\_ /_)--` gpyy \_! You Know You're a Mom When... - Your feet stick to the kitchen floor.....aand you don't care. - The kids are fighting and you threaten to lock them in a room together and not let them out until someone's bleeding. - You can't find your cordless phone, so youu ask a friend to call you, and you run around the house madly, following the sound until you locate the phone downstairs in the laundry basket. - You spend an entire week wearing sweats. - Your idea of a good day is making it throuugh without a child leaking bodily fluids on you. - Popsicles become a food staple. - Your favorite television show is a cartoonn. - Peanut butter and jelly is eaten at least in one meal a day. - You're so desperate for adult conversationn that you spill your guts to the telemarketer that calls and HE hangs up on YOU! - Spit is your number one cleaning agent. - You're up each night until 10 PM vacuumingg, dusting, wiping, washing, drying, loading, unloading, shopping, cooking, driving, flushing, ironing, sweeping, picking up, changing sheets, changing diapers, bathing, helping with homework, paying bills, budgeting, clipping coupons, folding clothes, putting to bed, dragging out of bed, brushing, chasing, buckling, feeding (them, not you), PLUS swinging, playing baseball, bike riding, pushing trucks, cuddling dolls, roller blading, basketball, football, catch, bubbles, sprinklers, slides, nature walks, coloring, crafts, jumping rope, PLUS raking, trimming, planting, edging, mowing, gardening, painting, and walking the dog. You get up at 5:30 AM and you have no time to eat, sleep, drink or go to the bathroom, and yet...you still managed to gain 10 pounds. - In your bathroom there is toothpaste on thhe light fixtures, water all over the floor, a dog drinking out of the toilet and body hair forming a union to protest unsafe working conditions. - You buy cereal with marshmallows in it. - The closest you get to gourmet cooking is making rice crispies bars. SUBSCRIBE INFO Want to receive a Christian inspirational item AND great clean humor in an email to you each day of the week? It's easy and FREE! Read all about Laugh & Lift at http://www.laughandlift.com ======================================================================= / _, ,_ M\M"_,, `"MMMMMm._ `/MMMMMMP^^", MPTMMM`M `-. .'" MMMm "=, `.`"-. .' / S _"^M :Ww. \ `-. .-' .: ".wW\.; :WP^; `-. `-. .-' .-'/ \ :^WP: ; `--' ;\ `-. `. .-' .-' / /; `..' ; \`. `-. \ / .-' .' / ; .-";`"""--5..`-. `-.\ / .' .-' / | .' ; r`) `-. \\ ; / .-' .-' ;_/ ; _ ; `. \; |' .' .' ( _ _ : `-' :\ `./ `-' / .-r-.`Y `-' : / ; ; .-7" `.`7. | .' | : ' ; ; `--..__.'-""/ ;\ \ ,| | | ..--",-' : ; _ _.7`,_J- ; : ;, _,': /; ; _ .' `--.`-.`-'_.-| `. |/ : .'/ : ; | |`". _.-".+. :`"-. `--`"" ,_: `'7 /.-. ; | / | : 7",' ." | : \ : `-. / ;' / | | `--\ /4 ' / .' ; `. ; \ :`"\ .< ; : _.7 ' `. / /.' \ `.___.-"> ;_/ :---"\ `. ' `.-.. `"--' / fsc `.___..--"/ _mMMMm,.' `-.`-.._ ) `"--. .' `---'"mMMMMMMMMm,_ `-----' `"" `" "^`^MMMP^^mm, >-->Comebacks to the age old question: "Why aren't you married yet?" You haven't asked yet. I was hoping to do something meaningful with my life. What? And spoil my great life? Because I just love hearing this question. It gives my mother something to live for. My fiance is awaiting parole. I'm still hoping for a shot at Miss America. I'm waiting until I get to be your age. It didn't seem worth a blood test. I already have enough laundry to do, thank you. I'd have to forfeit my billion dollar trust fund. What? And lose all the money I've invested in running personal ads? I don't want to have to support another person on my pay- check. Why aren't you thin? I'm married to my career, although recently we have been considering a trial separation. ============================================================== >-->From Our Friend John-Paul :) .-. _ .--""" / { `.__ ( ( _ .e"8a-. J ' \ `.._, \ /_`\/8P '.--\/8P-' ) .-. \ e8a `.`. `" / o o`._..--' (;88`-.. \ ""`. `--.>#--.._/ `.-. `8_ 8P`. :_e8P .a. _.' |`\_, \ /-. `.` ,8 ^P" e8P 8a 2 '7.__7" \ \ `": `. ,8P _ /_\ ' / ;e8| 98P .-' `7 `--' |`8: .e8a._..e8" .' : : 88P" .8P`88,8P' / Y8/88 eP"| `YP" / `. `M " :-. .' : .'_ ; _.' \ \ '.' `/_.-e8`,.--. `-: : .'"" " 8P : `""`.e8a ; `"""--. / fsc `---' `BUT GOD`!, Just `TWO` -- Three Letter Words, that means ETERNITY for You, Me, and all Humanity. You see , When the CONJUNCTION --`BUT`-- appears in a sentence, It `wipes out` all thoughts, and deeds that may precedes It, and makes a NEW Positive Statement. When It appears in the BIBLE , it should `over-whelm` the readers For Many times, --`IT IS WRITTEN` where: Evil, troubles, pain, sorrow, even the Devil himself, may rage, `BUT-GOD` YOU MAY SAY: "It's impossible" BUT GOD says: All things are possible Luke 18:27 You may say: "I'm too tired" BUT GOD says: I will give you rest Matthew 11:28-30 You may say: "Nobody really loves me" BUT GOD says: I love you John 3:16 & John 3:34 You May say: "I can't go on" BUT GOD says: My grace is sufficient II Corinthians 12:9 & Psalm 91:15 You may say: "I can't figure things out" BUT GOD says: I will direct your steps Proverbs 3:5-6 You may say: "I can't do it" BUT GOD says: You can do all things Philippians 4:13 You may say: "I'm not able" BUT GOD says: I am able II Corinthians 9:8 You may say: "It's not worth it" BUT GOD says: It will be worth it Roman 8:28 You may say: "I can't forgive myself" BUT GOD says: I Forgive you (every time) I John 1:9 & Romans 8:1 You may say: "I can't manage" BUT GOD says: I will supply all your needs Philippians 4:19 You mat say: "I'm afraid" BUT GOD says: I have not given you a spirit of fear II Timothy 1:7 You may say: "I'm always worried and frustrated" BUT GOD says: Cast all your cares on `ME` I Peter 5:7 You may say: "I don't have enough faith" BUT GOD says: I've given everyone a measure of faith Romans 12:3 You may say: "I'm not smart enough" BUT GOD says: I give you wisdom I Corinthians 1:30 You may say: "I feel all alone" BUT GOD says: I will never leave you or forsake you Hebrews 13:5 TO ALL THAT MAY BE IN NEED AT THIS VERY MOMENT, IN GOD`S TIME Please Remember `BUT GOD` All HE Asks Of Us Is--- ~~"Believe"~~, And Know that HE Is `Always` With Us All The Time. Would you rather live a life as if there is a `God`, and die to find out there ~`Isn´t`~, Than to live a life as if there `Isn´t`, and die to find out there `IS`! Please Pray This "8 Second Prayer with me, and see how God moves in Your Life. "Lord, I love you and I need you, Please come into my heart, Pour out Your Blessings upon me, Not only me, but my family, my home, all my Love ones, friends, and upon`YOUR` Church, FATHER. In YOUR SON`S Name, JESUS, Amen. Now In HIS Name I`m in agreement with you. May, You receive the miracle You need, May all your prayers be answered (in GOD`S time), and Many Souls be led to the Lord through You . May God bless you in a Special way. and fill you with HIS Loving JOY ! Remember "to Er is Human, BUT! to Forgive is Devine" Your~Brother~in~CHRIST~~~John-Paul --- ...So True! Thank You John-Paul! ========================================================= >-->In The WordlyNews: , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >From Our Friend Justin :) Archaeologist sees proof for Bible in ancient wall http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/ml_israel_ancient_wall --- ...Pretty Interesting! Thanks Justin! -<>- [POLITICS] >From Patriot Depot: Patriot Update Featured Headlines & Special Offers February 22, 2010 Obama announces TAXES for new socialist Heath Reform plan http://tinyurl.com/yb7agcs >From FaxDC Obama Version of Health Reform Expected Monday Tell Congress Wake Up America, YOU Can Still Stop Obamacare http://www.faxdc.com/ >From Conservative Caucus : Dear Conservative Friend, The Conservative Caucus (TCC) is conducting a survey of as many as 5,000,000 Americans (who vote regularly in elections) concerning President Obama's Socialist Agenda for America. Our Primary Goal with This Poll: To show members of Congress that most Americans believe in liberty and are overwhelmingly OPPOSED to President Obama's Socialist Agenda for America. This might be the largest public opinion poll ever conducted on any public policy issue. I very much hope you will take a few minutes of your time to click this link and fill out your survey. http://tinyurl.com/yl4duwg We will deliver a report on the results of this survey to every member of Congress, President Obama, and key news media. -<>- >From BizarreNews: -- 'Dead' woman returns to life -------------- CALI, Colombia - A woman thought to be dead was sent back to a hospital in Colombia after workers at a funeral parlor noticed she was breathing and moving, the hospital says. Noelia Serna, 45, was transported to the funeral home hours after she was pronounced dead of multiple organ failure, Britain's Daily Telegraph reports. Serna started breathing and moving when funeral home workers began to apply formaldehyde to her body, the Web site Metro.co.uk says. The woman was in a coma. Doctors at the hospital say Serna may have been suffering from Lazarus Syndrome, an extremely rare phenomenon in which circulation restarts spontaneously. -- Ad seeks sinners for Lent confessions ---------- BRIDGEPORT, Conn. - Catholic leaders in Connecticut said they are trying to fill confessionals during Lent by taking out billboards seeking sinners wanting to shake their guilt. Bishop William Lori of the Bridgeport Diocese said he took out a full-sized billboard urging Catholics to take advantage of the extended confessional hours being offered every Tuesday until the end of Lent, WFSB-TV, Bridgeport, reported Thursday. "I wouldn't call it commercializing. It's evangelizing. The church has always used whatever media to get the message out and it's a great message," Lori said. The bishop said many people are wary of confession. "They get scared. It's hard to admit our sins. Sometimes people wonder what the reaction will be on the other side of the screen, but it's really about love, mercy, compassion," he said. >From archives CoffeeBreak: Rough handshake has lawyer in hot water A lawyer faces physical assault charges in Florida for allegedly shaking an opposing attorney's hand so fiercely the other lawyer injured her shoulder. An attorney for lawyer Brewer Rentas said her client never intended to harm a federal prosecutor in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., when they shook hands last week, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported. "It all stems from a handshake," attorney Gwendolyn Tuggle said. "In her mind she never intended to cause any harm to any federal official." The 49-year-old Rentas had been in court Thursday as part of her husband's trial on cocaine distribution charges and reportedly made a point of shaking hands with Assistant U.S. Attorney Jennifer Keene after the court's ruling. Rentas' arrest report states she then allegedly grabbed Keene's hand, knocking her off balance, and then roughly shook her arm up and down. The Sun-Sentinel said Rentas is faces a federal misdemeanor charge and will likely face an attorney conduct review. Mom allegedly used 6-year-old to steal A brother and sister used the sister's 6-year-old son to steal from students at the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, police alleged. Police found a stolen purse inside the boy's Spider-Man backpack, the Philadelphia Daily News reported. The boy was also used as a "pawn" to steal two credit cards from another student, police said. Bernard Davenport, who reportedly also uses the name Kevin Long, was arrested Thursday at Houston Hall on the Penn campus. His sister, Tondeala Davenport, escaped -- but turned herself in Saturday afternoon to face charges that include theft and child endangerment. Lt. John Walker of the Philadelphia police told WCAU-TV the boy quickly spilled the beans. "They brought this kid in here -- he was the cutest little kid," Walker said. "Talking to us and joking around, and asking for potato chips and pretzels, and so on and so forth." The boy is in the care of relatives. Abe Lincoln impostors keep busy this Feb. Presidents Day is just around the corner and faux Abraham Lincolns are in high demand, with one Kentucky impersonator booked for more than 70 appearances. Jim Sayre, 72, of Lawrenceburg, said being Honest Abe is a year-round job -- and Kentucky's two-year national Lincoln bicentennial, beginning Tuesday, has made him busier than ever, the Louisville (Ky.) Courier-Journal reported Sunday. Sayre has performances booked at an elementary school; a veterans' association; a radio station; a fireside chat; and a few other groups that he said he doesn't know too much about. He said that most years he has about 35 appearances booked by February, but this year, he has 70. Sayre is well aware he personally isn't the attraction. "No one wants to hear Jim Sayre speak," he said "They want to hear Abraham Lincoln, the man many consider the greatest leader in American history." ============================================================ >-->From TheJokester: . \ | / _\|/_ .' ' ' '. ___ _.|.--.--.|.___.--'___`-. .'.'|| | ||`----'"` ``'` .'.' ||()|()|| .___..-'.' / \ `----'"` / .-. \ (.'.(___).'.) `.__.-.__.' jgs |_| |_| `.`-'.' `"` Bad Knees An old man limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!" The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused, and then said, "Sir, how old are you?" "I'm 98," the man announced proudly. The doctor just sighed and looked at him again. Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You are almost one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?" The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it doesn't hurt!" -- The Complaining Wife Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home. Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. Joel, she said, I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath. Don't worry. replied her husband. If the neighbors do see you, they'll buy curtains. -- The Nagging Wife! Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing. One day when he was out in the field, Jake's wife brought his lunch to him. Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake's old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly. At the wake, Jake's minister noticed that when the women offered their sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side. When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Jake and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?" Well, Jake replied, "The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, 'Is that mule for sale!?'" -- A beautiful young woman, walking through a hot orchard, came across a lovely pond. The water looked inviting and there was no one within sight, so she decided to skinny dip. She undressed, dropped her clothes beside the pool, and just as she was about to enter the water, the orchard owner appeared and announced, "I'm sorry, young lady, but swimming is prohibited in my pond!" "Well, if you were here all along, why didn't you tell me that before I undressed?" she complained. He replied, "Swimming may be prohibited but not undressing!" -- ) .-----. / ; / did I \ } __-___.'_ , _, ( Do ) ( ,-""____,____>===---=._ \ That? / "' .-" II ' "-. '-. .-' ,' /\ . .'.:. O ) . /\())\,. ' : ;/ o } ' (())\\)) : \ // .-öö I . : //\\//\\ . .;-;./ \_| I , '\\//))//. . :.\.\.;'' } ; .(())//)) ' \ \\ ) : .\/())/ . ' '' ] , . ' \/ . ] . ; . ) cgmm / Andre Mastel Golf and Bees A young woman had been taking golf lessons. She had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for help and to complain. Her golf pro saw her come into the clubhouse and asked, "Why are you back in so early? What's wrong?" "I was stung by a bee", she said. "Where", he asked. "Between the first and second hole", she replied. He nodded knowingly and said, ”Then your stance is too wide." ================================================================ >-->Some Advantages to Turning 65: * People no longer consider you a hypochondriac. * Your assorted joints can forecast weather changes. * No one expects you to run into a burning building. * There's nothing left to learn the hard way. * Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them. * In a hostage situation you're likely to be released first. * You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. * Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. * You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks in the room. * Kidnappers are not very interested in you. * Your eyes won't get much worse. * You can sing along with elevator music. =============================================================== >-->From CleanLaffs: At the supermarket, I noticed a woman with four boys and a baby. Her patience was wearing thin as the boys called out, "Mommy! Mommy!" while she tried to shop. Finally, she blurted out, "I don't want to hear the word mommy for at least ten minutes!" The boys fell silent for a few seconds. Then one tugged on his mother's dress and said softly, "Excuse me, miss." -<>- While auditing one of our departments, an assistant asked me what I was doing. "Listing your assets," I told her. "Oh," she said. "Well, I have a good sense of humor and I make great lasagna." -<>- _ \'. \ '-._...- | _.-' . \ / ' ' .. / \_ ooo ' . . \ '-.__ o 'oo<. . ' \ '--._ ooooo. ' | '._ oo' 'o ' __\__ _ '. o o ( __ / \ o '--'\ | | (o)\ \ \#/ | \__ |::. .:::\ '. /:::::. :::::'._'-._____.'::::::: :::::: '----'':::::::::" :::::::::::::::: M-K Once I'd finished reviewing my daughter's homework, I gave her an impromptu quiz. "What is a group of whales called?" I asked. "I'll give you a hint—it sounds like something you use to listen to music." "An iPod?" she guessed. "Close," I said. "But what I'm thinking is a little smaller." "A Shuffle!" -<>- My husband, Mike, and I had several stressful months of financial difficulties. So one evening I was touched to see him gazing at the diamond wedding ring that symbolized our marriage. "With this ring..." I began romantically. "We could pay off Visa," he responded. -<>- For our honeymoon my fiancee and I chose a fashionable hotel known for its luxurious suites. When I called to make reser- vations, the desk clerk inquired, "Is this for a special occasion?" "Yes," I replied." It's our honeymoon." "And how many adults will there be?" she asked. -<>- Scene: A conversation between two of my friends. Friend #1: Are you visiting us tomorrow? Do you need directions? Friend #2: I'm all set. I have the address, a GPS, and a GPS override. Friend #1: What's a GPS override? Friend #2: My wife. -<>- A prospective juror in a Dallas District Court was surprised by the definition of voluntary manslaughter given the panel: "An intentional killing that occurs while the defendant is under the immediate influence of sudden passion arising from an adequate cause, such as when a spouse's mate is found in a 'compromising position.'" "See, I have a problem with that passion business," responded the jury candidate. "During my first marriage, I came in and found my husband in bed with my neighbor. All I did was divorce him. I had no idea that I could have shot him." She wasn't selected for the jury. -<>- ,--. _ ,-%*--;_) (___,/))) ((c a( (()) c/ ,- ( / \._> =._@ / ,/ ) |\| / -'--._,-_-|_|-. \ ____,._,/-._,-' &)===( .8! . :8! | |8! | |8! | |8\____| !^oooooo ) )) , || ( || . || ) || (\._\\ gpyy\(\_\\ I was waiting tables at a country club when an elegantly dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with a napkin. Having plenty of experience with getting out feed stains, I asked, "Can I bring you some club soda?" "Young lady," she barked, "I'll be the judge of when I've had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!" -<>- One day a mother was out and the dad was in charge. The little one was maybe one and a half years old. Someone had given her a little tea set as a gift and it was one ofher favorite toys. Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when she brought Daddy a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch the toddler bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' Mom waited, and sure enough, here comes baby down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy and she watches him drink it up, then says, 'Did it ever occur to you that the only place that baby can reach to get water is the toilet?' ================================================================ >-->From The Mouthpiece: ___... _ .-'"--"" `-' `; _/ `. /"\_/, /. ; _`-. `._/T ; ; <@ \ _] `. `. `, `. ,__ .-' __ "-._ \ ,.___}\ ; `"=._ """`--./'_ ] ; ; `". l F"-._.'/ "-._ `"""---.../ \ \ \ `""_.' `"-. '. """"---..]_ `"'" `" """"----..__ _.=_ """---.._,--(_^`$b. _______ """-,d$$$; ____....-----""""""""" """"""""------,_.-'J$7P ___.....---""" ""|` / ; : .' | _; : \/_`. \ fsc ' / ;`\ _>' \ * >Things You Wouldn't Know Without Help From the Movies 1. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident. 2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade at any time of the year. 3. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor. 4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread. 5. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down. 6. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames. 7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty. 8. All single women have a cat. 9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do. 10. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other. 11. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them 12. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds. 13. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once. 14. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty. 15. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting. 16. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth. 17. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone lines in the vicinity 18. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just relax and run a bath. 19. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite. =========================================================== >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: .-. .-. / < >-`'`'`-< > \ _' | | , ____ `-.' `.-' .-. '| | | | | / |/ \ / | \/ / 6 6 \ \ / |/\| |/|/|/ \_|\_/ \_|, .-. .oo. .-. | .-o-. | (|||)< /| ( >|==|< ) | ._|_. | / \ /| \| `-' |==| `-' `. _ .' `-' |_____ ,_ _ `==' .'`-.______.-'` `. | \ /_\ | | | / | , .' `. |_/ \__, | | |/\_|/ / \ /| / | | \ \| | _/ __ __ \_ | | | | _/(_.::::..::::._)\_ | , ___, | _ ,_ |_ ' ,_ _ \ \::::::::::/ / \ / / | | /_\ | \ | | | \ /_\ `. /::::::::::\ .' \/ \_|/|_/\__/| |/|_/|/| |/\__, ,oOo. / `---'`.::::::::.'`---' \ .oOo. ,-. oOOOo | `.::::.' | oOOOo __ \ / `OoO' \ (%`::'%) / `OoO' \ >(|||) | /\ \%%%%/ /%. | _/ / \ | _.'%%`. |%%| .'%%'\_ v | /\ | `-' <|/%`%%%%%`._ (%%) _.'%%%%%'%\(>o<) |/.') o (X) |-.%%%%<%%/ /%%\ \%%%<%%%-'\ ^ |`-' Vv_|'%|%%%%%%%%( /%%%%\ )%%%%%%%%`|. | ,Vv\|//|vW,V!!/vVyVv,,vVVv,Ww,||,,vVhjwVv!!V|vV\|/ hjw Q. Who was this Saint Valentine, anyway? A. Around the year A.D. 270 in Rome, Emperor Claudius II outlawed marriage, fearing that married men would make inferior soldiers. Valentine, bishop of Interamna, invited couples to come see him and marry in secret. Claudius, obviously not a romantic deep down inside, promptly told Valentine to renounce Christianity or face certain death. Valentine not only refused, but also tried to convert the emperor to Christianity. This so displeased Claudius that he had Valentine clubbed. Then stoned. Then beheaded. -<>- These are actual newspaper ads [according to the forward]: FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 years old. Hateful little b*!@%. Bites. FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog. FREE PUPPIES... Part German Shepherd, part stupid dog. FREE GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. Neutered. Speaks German. FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG. Looks like a rat. Been out a while. Better be a reward for this nasty little thing. COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED...Also 1 gay bull for sale. NORDIC TRACK $300 Hardly used, call Chubby. JOINING NUDIST COLONY! Must sell washer and dryer $300. WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE. WORN ONCE BY MISTAKE. Call Stephanie. FOR SALE BY OWNER: Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica-45 volumes. Excellent condition. $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, got married last month. Wife knows everything. -<>- _ __/ /=\ \,/ |-| _|___\_/_ |. |_ |. |:| |. |/ |_________| __|___|__ Why The Spoon? [_________] ,,,,, _|// , , ;; ( / < D =o |. / /\| _____|><|_______/o / / '==| :: |==' < / / \ < > /____/ / _/\ | :: | / \ ||_|____|/ |o| | x | ( \ / _'_ \ //// | \ | | | | | | | | | \ _ | _ / \ | / \ | / |_|_| /o | o\ /o _|_ o\ (__/ \__) b'ger For all of you who frequent restaurants and understand the need for the service to be faster, this short story is a timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference to an organization. Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When another waiter brought our water, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets. When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well,” he explained, "the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift." As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen, instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?" "Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent. I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?" "Well," he whispered, "I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.” =============================================================== >-->Fun Places To Net Visit :) Our Gifts & Callings http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/giftscallings.html Slain In The Spirit http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/slaininthespirit.html God's Bumper Stickers http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/gbumper.html Small Thoughts http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smallthoughts.html Truth About Work http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/work.html Veggie Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/veggie.html Humor In Politics http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/politics4.html -<>- >From Our Friend Wesley :) Tuition-Free Online University http://xrl.in/2v1r Hidden Doors and Secret Passageways ! http://xrl.in/2wsh Daily Good News and Positive Stories http://xrl.in/2v1l --- ...Great! Thanks Wesley! -<>- >From LynnLynn's Links: Golf http://www.buffaloschips.com/31816.htm Igloo http://www.buffaloschips.com/31817.htm Store Closing http://www.buffaloschips.com/31818.htm Madcow http://www.buffaloschips.com/31819.htm Weird http://www.buffaloschips.com/31820.htm Hanging http://www.buffaloschips.com/32826.htm If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com =============================================================== >-->Quotes And Thunkers: "The Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show at Madison Square Garden is tonight. One of the big events is the 'Going Nuts When the Doorbell Rings' competition. Tomorrow night is 'Barking at a Dog on TV.'" -David Letterman "There's a 73-year-old man in Florida who has been charged with robbing the same bank three times. In his defense, he actually only robbed the bank once, he just went back twice to use the bathroom." -Craig Ferguson "The Winter Olympics are under way in Canada. Skiing, snow- boarding, ice-skating, these are not sports. They're vacation activities. I feel like I'm watching someone's home movies." -Jimmy Kimmel "Experts say this global warming is serious, and they are predicting now that by the year 2050, we will be out of party ice." --David Letterman "In New Jersey hunters will soon be able to hunt bear. Hunting of bears is being made legal. A word to New Jersey residents - running over a bear in your Camaro is not hunting." --Craig Kilborn "I have to talk to my girlfriend every day on the phone. My husband says, 'Why do you have to talk to her again today? You just talked to her yesterday. What could you possibly have to tell her?' 'Well, for one thing, I have to tell her you just said that.'" --Rita Rudner "Although a lot of people are on these low-carb diets, doctors say be careful, because you need carbohydrates because carbohydrates create a chemical in your brain that cheers you up and fights depression. So the next time you see a guy on a ledge, about to jump... throw him a dough- nut." --Jay Leno "Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home." - Phyllis Diller "If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play at it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf." - Bob Hope "There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot." - Steven Wright "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas A. Edison "Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again." "Don't worry about tomorrow. After all, today is the tomor- row you worried about yesterday." "Start by doing what's necessary, then do what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible." -Francis of Assisi >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Chriistian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->Pass this on as it should be of interest to all who served. The study was carried out in Austrialia on their Vietnam Veterans. ABC Nat. Radio Health Report Autralian Vietnam Vets: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/HealthReportVV.mp3 VV ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARRE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************