Wild Old Man And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This fun hottie comes from our friend KarenF. It's sure to give you a few smiles and maybe even some chuckles! Give it time to load, turn up your sound and Check it out here... ___ ,-'" "`-. ,'_ `. / / \ ,- \ __ | \_0 --- | / | | | \ \ `--.______,-/ | ___) \ ,--"" ,/ | / _ \ \-_____,- / \__-/ \ | `. ,' \___/ < ´--------' \__/\ | Wny \__// Maxine On Christmas http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxinechristmas.html --- ...LOL! I do love Maxine's humor! Thanks KarenF! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Cola Identity Crisis CORPUS CHRISTI,TX. -- In a crime straight out of a Super Bowl ad, someone stole a Coca-Cola delivery truck and filled it with stolen Pepsi. _......._ .:::::::::::. Late Sunday or early Monday, someone broke into /:::::::::::::\ a Corpus Christi Coca-Cola warehouse and stole ;:::::::::===:::; a Coca-Cola van. |_`'==='`_,,,_ `| ;;;-,,,-;;;;;;;-; According to police, the thief drove next door \;;;;;;;;;;;;;/ to the Pepsi plant and stole 47 cases -- ';;;;;;;;;;;' $700 worth -- from a locked Pepsi delivery truck. `""""""'` Police said they don't know why someone would steal the Pepsi after successfully breaking into the Coke plant. "We thought it was hysterical," said Pepsi spokeswoman Julia Koch. "Our guess is that he just liked Pepsi and figured he could sell it easier than Coke." ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE DECEMBER HOLIDAYS ------------+ December 10 is Festival For The Souls Of Dead Whales December 11 is National Noodle Ring Day December 12 is National Ding-A-Ling Day December 13 is Ice Cream and Violins Day December 14 is National Bouillabaisse Day December 15 is National Lemon Cupcake Day December 16 is National Chocolate Covered Anything Day =========================================================== >-->From GoodCleanFun: \.|.,_, . i\-\\/,/,i. .-\-|1/-|//|/-/_. .-\-_=d$$s$$b=-_-_. -_-\=dp`"v"`qb=/-_- _\-=d$ $b=_-_ -_-=Eb. o,o .dB=\-" -/-=E$bsdIbss$$=--_ '-//"b | | | d"\\- -_-=P`|"|"|`q='-. `/-=^b|_|_|d^=\. ^i/^SsssS^i\^ "^//|/\\|^` / :"| \ .- \ / `-._ O()() (___...() wkm >Cleaning Day Saturday had always been "cleaning day" in at our house, and my mother still adhered to the ritual even after all her children had left the nest. When I stopped by to visit her one Saturday, I was surprised to find her relaxing in a favorite chair. "Aren't you feeling well?" I asked. "I feel fine." "But you're not cleaning." "After all these years I've finally figured out how to get it done in half the time," Mom told me. "I simply take off my glasses." -<>- ______ .-"""".._'. _,## _..__ |.-"""-.| | _,##'`-._ (_____)||_____|| |_,##'`-._,##'` _| |.;-""-. | |#'`-._,##'` _.;_ `--' `\ \ |.'`\._,##'` /.-.\ `\ |.-";.`_, |##'` |\__/ | _..;__ |'-' / '.____.'_.-`)\--' /'-'` //||\\(_.-'_,'-'` (`-...-')_,##'` jgs _,##`-..,-;##` _,##'`-._,##'` _,##'`-._,##'` `-._,##'` >Garden Walkway The plan: To build a garden walkway made up of dozens of wooden squares. I decided I'd slice railroad ties into two-inch-thick pieces for the sections. That's what I told the clerk at the lumberyard. "Do you have a power saw?" he asked. "No," I said. "Can't I just use my hand saw?" He nodded slowly. "You could. But I just have one question. How old do you want to be when you finish?" -<>- _ ___ _.--. \`.|\..----...-'` `-._.-'_.-'` / ' ` , __.--' )/' _/ \ `-_, / `-'" `"\_ ,_.-;_.-\_ ', fsc/as _.-'_./ {_.' ; / {_.-``-' {_/ >Geriatric Cat The vet prescribed daily tablets for our geriatric cat and after several battles my husband devised a way to give her the medication. It involved wrapping the cat in a towel, trapping her between his knees, forcing her mouth open and the positioning the pill on the back of her tongue. He was proud of his resourcefulness until one hectic session when he lost control of both cat and the medicine. The cat leaped out of his grasp, paused to inspect the tablet, which had rolled across the floor, and then ate it. -<>- + (|) _____.___.|_|. | / \ |===| | / \ | o | |__/__v__\|, ,| | | | | | || || |/| . . . |','| ||| A A A | , | ||| M M M | | wtx --------------------- >Offering Plates The church where I serve has a summer ministry at a chapel. At our first service last summer, the chairman of the board of deacons met me at the door with the information that there were no offering plates to be found. None of the men wore hats, and he thought it undignified to pass a shoe. He had tried to borrow something suitable from a house nearby, but no one was home. When I went to the chancel to begin the service, the problem was still unsolved. Time came for the offering, and two ushers walked down the aisle wearing broad grins and carrying shiny receptacles. The deacon had resourcefully borrowed two hubcaps from a parishioner's car. -<>- >Pain and Mishap My wife, a registered nurse, once fussed over every pain or mishap that came my way. Recently, however, I got an indication that the honeymoon is over. I was about to fix the attic fan, and as I lifted myself from the ladder into the attic, I scratched my forehead on a crossbeam. Crawling along, I picked up splinters in both hands, and I cut one hand replacing the fan belt. On the way down the ladder, I missed the last two rungs and turned my ankle. When I limped into the kitchen, my wife took one look and said, "Are those your good pants?" ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend KarenF :) ______________________________________________________ __________|___________,_______________________________ __________|__________//,______________________________ __________|__________\|/;..___________________________ __________|___________\\//\,._________________________ __________|___________/ '\/_________________________ __________|__________/,* _ |_________________________ __________|_________( ) ( ) (_________________________ __________|__________\( " \________________________ __________|____________) \\______________________ __________|___________( \\\___________________ __________|____________\ ( \\ \\\_________________ __________|____________(\ \\ \\ \\\_______________ __________|_____________\\ \\ \\ \\\_____________ __________|______________\\ \\ \\ \\____________ __________|_______________\\ \\ \\ \\___________ __________|________________\-\ \\\ \\\\___________ __________|_________________\ /\_ \\\ \\___________ __________|__________________(( \-___- \\\__________ __________|___________________\ \_______ \\\_________ __________|____________________\ \_______ \\\________ __________|_____________________\ \________\\\_______ __________|______________________\ \________\\\______ __________|_______________________\ \________\\______ __________|________________________(--)_______________ __________|___________________________________________ __________|___________________________________________ bni >Gift for the wife There was a man who was looking for a Christmas gift for his wife. He went into a pet store and asked the salesman what would be a nice gift for his wife for Christmas. The salesman proceeded to tell the man about a parrot that sings. He told the man that if you light a little fire under the bird's left foot he will sing "Jingle Bells". If you light a little fire under his right foot, he will sing "Silent Night. The man agreed to buy the parrot for his wife. On Christmas Day the man gave his wife the parrot and explained what she needed to do in order for him to sing. So his wife lit a fire under the parrot's left foot and he started to sing Jingle Bells" She was getting excited and lit a fire under the parrot's right foot and the parrot started singing "Silent Night". As the parrot was singing "Silent Night" the wife got so excited the fire accidentally went between the parrot's legs. The parrot started singing, "Chestnuts roasting on an open fire..." --- ...LOL! Oh My! Thanks KarenF! -<>- .---. /_____\__ .===. _ _ `\/6.6\/--` / _/\ \ / )%.===.%( \ ( _ ) \/6.6\/ | // ,,, \\ | ,'---', ( _ ) \/ \/6.6\/ \/ .===. / _ \ _)---(_ /\ ( _ ) /\ / ,,, \ /\/ (_) \/\ / `~` \ ^^ /()-()\ ^^ ( /6.6\ ) \ | (_) | / /\/ \/\ / /o o\ \ )( _ )( \| |/ \ | | / (._\ Y /_.) (_/;---;\_) |_____| \|_____|/ (O_`&`_O) / `"*"` \ | | | | L | / / \ \ ( (_.@._) ) | | | |__|__| / ()/^\() \ /'._\|/_.'\ \__|__/ | | | /. . . . . . .\ /. . . . . .\ |_|_| |_|_| `"`"`|`|`|`"`"` `"`"|"|"|"`"` jgs _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ _|_|_|_ (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) (___|___) >I Resign! I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again. I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant. I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks I want to think M&Ms are better than money because you can eat them. I want to lie under a big oak tree and run a lemonade stand with my friends on a hot summer's day. I want to return to a time when life was simple; When all you knew were colours, multiplication tables, and nursery rhymes, but that didn't bother you, because you didn't know what you didn't know and you didn't care. All you knew was to be happy because you were blissfully unaware of all the things that should make you worried or upset.I want to think the world is fair. That everyone is honest and good. I want to believe that anything is possible.I want to be oblivious to the complexities of life and be overly excited by the little things again. I want to live simple again. I don't want my day to consist of computer crashes, mountains of paperwork, depressing news, how to survive more days in the month than there is money in the bank, doctor bills, gossip, illness, and loss of loved ones. I want to believe in the power of smiles, hugs, a kind word, truth, justice, peace, dreams, the imagination, mankind, and making angels in the snow. I am officially resigning from adulthood. And if you want to discuss this further, you'll have to catch me first, cause........ ..... "Tag! You're it." --- ...Hey! LOL! Thanks KarenF! -<>- ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 .d88 8 oooooooooooooooooooooooooooood8888 8 8888888888888888888888888P" 8888 oooooooooooooooo 8 8888888888888888888888P" 8888 8 8 8 8888888888888888888P" 8888 8 d8 8 8888888888888888P" 8888 8 d88 8 8888888888888P" 8888 8 d888 8 8888888888P" 8888 8 d8888 8 8888888P" 8888 8 d88888 8 8888P" 8888 8 d888888 8 8888oooooooooooooooooooooocgmm8888 8 d8888888 8 .od88888888888888888888888888888888 8 d88888888 8888888888888888888888888888888888888 8 d888888888 8 d8888888888 ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 d88888888888 d ...oood8b 8 d888888888888 d ...oood888888888888b 8 d8888888888888 d ...oood88888888888888888888888b 8d88888888888888 dood8888888888888888888888888888888888b >In The Beginning A revelation with an Incredibly Big Message (IBM): Well, you might have thought that you knew how the Internet started, but here's the TRUE story .... In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com. And she said unto Abraham, her husband: "Why dost thou travel so far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?" And Abraham did look at her - as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said: "How, dear?" And Dot replied: "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale, and they will reply telling you who hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and delivery made by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)." Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were an immediate success. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever having to move from his tent. To prevent neighbouring countries from overhearing what the drums were saying, Dot devised a system that only she and the drummers knew. It was called Must Send Drum Over Sound (MSDOS), and she also developed a language to transmit ideas and pictures - Hebrew To The People (HTTP) But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum and began to siphon off some of Abraham's business. But he was soon discovered, arrested and prosecuted for insider trading. And the young men did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. They were called Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominican Sybarites, or NERDS. And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to that enterprising drum dealer, Brother William of Gates, who bought off every drum maker in the land. And indeed did insist on drums to be made that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks. And Dot did say: "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others." And Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or eBay as it came to be known. He said: "We need a name that reflects what we are." And Dot replied: "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators." "YAHOO," said Abraham. And because it was Dot's idea, they named it YAHOO Dot Com. Abraham's cousin, Joshua, being the young Gregarious Energetic Educated Kid (GEEK) that he was, soon started using Dot's drums to locate things around the countryside. It soon became known as God's Own Official Guide to Locating Everything (GOOGLE) And that is how it all began. --- ...LMAO! Oh gee. Thanks KarenF! -<>- .-""""-. |== ==|-. |~~ ~~~|`\\ |LILILI| || | |// | |/ | | jgs __|______|__ [____________] >Out Of Gas! Sister Jude, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients 2hen she ran out of gas. Sister Jude, who worked for a home health agency, was as luck would have it a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her the only gas can he owned had been loaned out but she could wait until it was returned. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank two men watched from across the street. One of them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm turning Catholic !" --- ...LOL! A good one! Thanks KarenF! -<>- , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' >The Bible Tells me so... During his sermon one Sunday, the local preacher told his congregation that the entire range of human experience could be found in the Holy Bible. He confidently stated, "If anything can happen to humans, it is described somewhere in the Holy Bible." After the service, a woman came up to the preacher and said "Reverend, I don't think the Holy Bible mentions anything about PMS." The preacher told the woman he was certain he could find a reference to PMS somewhere in scripture. During the following week, he searched diligently, book-by-book, chapter-by-chapter, and Verse-by-verse On the following Sunday, the woman came up to him and asked, "Did you find any references to PMS in the Bible?" The preacher smiled, opened his Bible and began to read, "... And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Bethlehem." --- ...LOL! Thanks KarenF , , /////| ///// | ///// | |~~~| | | |===| |/| | B |/| | | I | | | | B | | | | L | / | E | / |===|/ jgs '---' In reality, God knew all about PMS and made sure the men stayed far away from the woman by telling the men this... Lev.15: [19] And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even. [25] And if a woman have an issue of her blood many days out of the time of her separation, or if it run beyond the time of her separation; all the days of the issue of her uncleanness shall be as the days of her separation: she shall be unclean. That way the woman got a break from all the chores of the household and taking care of the kids. She got a week off! Wouldn't that be nice now! Go to a woman camp and take the week off from all men, regular work and kids! Who said God was against woman in the old Testament? No way! ============================================================ >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing this year the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps ever, to 46 million people.Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, asks us "Please Do Not Feed the Animals." Their stated reason for the policy is because "The animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves. This ends today's lesson in irony. --- ...Sad but true! Thanks Geniann! ============================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: [An ET-AHEM] Say you are a teenager with an illegal pistol that you bought from someone at a party (of all places). Being a dumbass with no idea how to handle a firearm you take it home and try to clean it when it goes off. What is the worst possible consequence you can imagine short of killing yourself? If you immediately thought, 'Shoot my penis off' you have just described the circumstance a Florida 18-year-old named Michael found himself in earlier this week. Police say Michael first lied to police saying someone shot him while he was walking down the street. After being questioned by police he admitted to accidentally doing it himself. Doctors say the bullet went through his penis, his left testicle and then lodged itself in his thigh. And if his luck wasn't bad enough, while police were investigating at the home where it happened, they discovered marijuana in the house. That led to the arrest of the homeowner on drug charges. So we can only assume that poor Michael doesn't have a place to live anymore either. *-- Pizza Hut Canada releases perfume --* VANCOUVER, British Columbia - Pizza Hut Canada released 110 bottles of its pizza-scented perfume, "Eau de Pizza Hut," to fans on Facebook. The pizza chain jokingly held a contest to name a fake perfume scented like "the smell of a box of Pizza Hut pizza being opened," and the response led the chain to create 110 bottles of the fragrance and send it to Facebook fans, the Vancouver Sun reported Thursday. "For now, we've only produced 110 bottles of Eau de Pizza Hut, but who knows what the future has in store," said Beverley D'Cruz, marketing and product development director for Pizza Hut Canada. The perfume comes after the Burger King fast food chain released a meat-scented body spray in 2008. *-- Stickers cover testicles in yearbook photo --* LONDON, Ontario - A Canadian high school is using stickers to cover up a yearbook photo featuring a student exposing his testicles to the camera. The London District Catholic school board said Mother Teresa secondary school is using stickers bearing a Photoshopped version of the picture of the school's news team after the picture appearing in the book was found to feature a student with his testicles exposed, The London Free Press reported Thursday. "They're going to put in those permanent stickers right on top of the old picture so it won't wreck the page or the photo," district spokesman John Boles said. Boles said the company that published the yearbook will cover the costs of the stickers. The spokesman said stickers will also be made available to students who already received their yearbooks before the nudity was noticed last week. *-- Swedish town seeks to protect straw goat --* GAVLE, Sweden - A Swedish city is employing private security to protect its traditional four-story-tall straw goat from arsonists. Wellington Ikuobase, who was elected Gavle Resident of The Year and was in charge of christening this year's 42 1/2-foot-tall goat, said someone tried to light it on fire Saturday prior to its official inaugur- ation, The Local.se reported Monday. "The front hoof smells of petrol," organizer Eje Berglund said at the Sunday inauguration. The goat has been a popular target for vandals and arsonists in recent years. The city, which first adopted the Christmas goat tradition in 1966, has hired private security guards to protect the straw sculpture. *-- Campaign: Say something nice about Camden --* CAMDEN, N.J. - A former resident of Camden, N.J., said her "Say Something Nice About Camden" billboard is aimed at improving the reputation of the city. Jennifer Barton, a former Camden resident who now works as a communications executive in New York, said the billboard is part of her campaign to raise the profile of the city's positive points, the Philadelphia Inquirer reported Tuesday. "Saying something nice about the city is a small, positive action that can turn into something powerful," Barton said. "I'd like to raise the visibility of the really good things that are happening there." Barton said a website, saysomethingniceaboutcamden.org, has been set up to allow people to share positive thoughts about the city, as well as Facebook and Twitter accounts for the same purpose. "My billboard is a personal, artistic message," Barton said. "It's thought-provoking ... and also a call to action." ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | | ! | | | | ! |~~~~' The day I knew my in-laws had finally accepted me: As we pulled into their driveway, my father-in-law was on the phone. "Oh, I have to run," he told the person on the other end. "My daughter-in-law and her husband just arrived." <>- I was preparing lunch for my granddaughter when the phone rang. "If you can answer one easy trivia question," a young man said, "you'll win ten free dance lessons!" Before I could tell him I was not interested he continued, "You'll be a lucky winner if you can tell me what Alexander Graham Bell invented." "I don't know," I replied dryly, trying to discourage him. "What are you holding in your hand right now?" he asked excitedly. "A bologna sandwich." "Congratulations!" he yelled. "And for having such a great sense of humor..." -<>- A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit her for the holidays. Someone asked how old her sister was, at which she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old as I am, that's how I always remember." So someone else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat... So every year that you age, she only ages half a year?" My co- worker thought about that, and then said, "Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years." -<>- I walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her uniform. "I'm assuming this is a costume, but just what are you supposed to be?" I asked. The waitress responded proudly, "I'm self-absorbed." -<>- When I bought my new Lexus my two sons asked me who would inherit it if I met my demise. I pondered the question, then told them if I passed away on an even day, the son born on an even day would get it. If it happened on an odd day, the one born on the odd day would get it. A few weekends later, while river rafting with one of my sons, I was tossed out of the boat. As I floated in the rapids, I heard my son yelling, "It's the wrong day!" -<>- After browsing the restaurant menu, I had a question for the waitress. "About the salmon entree, is that a steak or a fillet?" "Neither," she said. "It's a fish." =========================================================== >-->From The MouthPiece: Late Show Top Ten ##, ,## '##, ,##' '## ##' ## __, ## ## __.-' \ ## ## ___.-'__.--'\ | ##, ## .-' .-, ( | | _ '## ##/ / /""=\ \ | | / \ ##, '#| |_\ / / | | / \ '## / `-` 0 0 '-'`\ | | | | \ ,## \_, (__) ,_/ / / | \ \ ##' / / \ \\ / / | |\ \ ## __ | /`.__.-'-._)|/ / | | \ \##`__) \ ^ / / | | | v## '--. '._ '-'_.' / _.----. | | l ,## (_,' '##'-, ` `"""/ `'/| | / ,##--, ) '#/` ` ' |' ##' `" | /\_/#' jgs | __. .-,_.;###` _|___/_..---'''` _/ (###' .-'` ____,...---""``` `._ ( --'' __,.,---. ',_) `.,___,..---'`` / / \ '._ | | ( ( `. '-._) | / \ \ \'-._) | | \ \ `"` | | \ \ | | .-, ) | | | ( ( / / | | \ '---' / / \ `-----` | , / |(_/\-, \ ,_`) `-._) >Top Ten Signs Your Monkey Needs a Bath 10. Even his fleas have fleas 9. He's sweating right through his adorable monkey sailor suit 8. Your daily horoscope reads, "Today is a great day to wash your monkey" 7. Tries to cover up odor by wearing too much monkey aftershave 6. Even the really slutty monkey next door refuses to groom him 5. Town's sign reads "Home of the Rancid Baboon Stench" 4. You purchase so much Lysol, they put you on the board of directors 3. Threatening note thrown through your window tied to a banana 2. Been offered the cover of next month's "Smelly Monkey Magazine" 1. He smells like Andy Dick -<>- >10 LAWS OF COMPUTING 1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen. 2. When you get to the point where you really understand your computer, it's probably obsolete. 3. The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you'd least expect to find it. 4. When the going gets tough, upgrade. 5. For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction. 6. To err is human...to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, its downright natural. 7. He who laughs last, probably has a back-up. 8. The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions. 9. A complex system that doesn't work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine. 10. A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want it to do. -<>- .-------------------- | | ,-""-. /) | / c/-} // | ( ,--)T-. // | `/ ,_) )\__,-/ | / /. \'_,-"< | / / ) _`).__ | _/,' ( ""-."-. |'-/ _/`-----. ),' |o!O '"-'"""----" >"A Woman's Dictionary" * Argument (ar*gyou*ment) n. A discussion that occurs when you're right, but he just hasn't realized it yet. * Bar-be-que (bar*bee*q) n. You bought the groceries, washed the lettuce, chopped the tomatoes, diced the onions, marinated the meat and cleaned everything up, but he "made the dinner". * Blonde Jokes (blond joks) n. Jokes that are short so men can understand them. * Clothes Dryer (cloze dri*yer) n. An appliance designed to eat socks. * Diet Soda (dy*it so*da) n. A drink you buy at a convenience store to go with a half pound bag of peanut M&M's. * Eternity (e*ter*ni*tee) n. The last two minutes of a football game. * Exercise (ex*er*siz) v. To walk up and down a mall, occasionally resting to make a purchase. * Grocery List (grow*ser*ee list) n. What you spend a half hour writing, then forget to take with you to the store. * Hair Dresser (hare dres*er) n. Someone who is able to create a style you will never be able to duplicate again. * Hardware Store (hard*war stor) n. Similar to a black hole in space---if he goes in, he isn't coming out any time soon. * Valentine's Day (val*en*tinez dae) n. A day when you have dreams of a candlelight dinner, diamonds, and romance, but consider yourself lucky to get a card. * Waterproof Mascara (wah*tr*pruf mas*kar*ah) n. Comes off if you cry, shower, or swim, but will not come off if you try to remove it. ======================================================= >-->From FunnyStories: ,--. \ _\_ _\/_|_\____.'\ -(___.--._____( \ \ \ \ `--' jg >Radio Conversation This is supposed to be the transcript of an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October 1995. The Radio conversation was released by the Chief of Naval Operations on Oct. 10, 1995. - Please change your direction 15 degreees to the North to avoid a collision. - Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 deegrees to South to avoid a collision. - This is the Captain of a US Navy ship.. I say again, divert YOUR course. - No. I say again, you divert YOUR coursse. - THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER ENTERPRISSE, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW! - This is a lighthouse. Your call. -<>- .-. o \ .-. .----.' \ .'o) / `. o / | \_) /-. '_.` \ \ `. | \ | \ | .--/`-. / / .'.-/`-. `. .\| /.' /`._ `- '-. ____(|__/`-..`- '-._ \ |`------.'-._ ` ||\ \ || # /-. ` / || \| || #/ `--' / /_::_|)__ `|____|-._.-` / ||`--------` \-.___.` | / || # | \ | | || # # | /`.___.'\ |.`|________| | /`.__.'|'.` __/ \ __/ \ /__.-.) /__.-.) LGB Every night, Harold would go down to the liquor store, get a six pack, bring it home, and drink it while he watched TV. One night, as he finished his last beer, the doorbell rang. He stumbled to the door and found a six-foot cockroach standing there. The bug grabbed him by the collar and threw him across the room, and left. The next night, after he finished his 3th beer, the doorbell rang. He walked slowly to the door and found the same six-foot cockroach standing there. The big bug punched him in the stomach, then left. The next night, after he finished his 1st beer, the doorbell rang again. The same six-foot cockroach was standing there. This time he was kneed in the groin and hit behind the ear as he doubled over in pain. Then the big bug left. The fourth night Harold didn't drink at all. The doorbell rang. The cockroach was standing there. The bug beat the snot out of Harold and left him in a heap on the living room floor. The following day, Harold went to see his doctor. He explained events of the preceding four nights. " " What can I do? " he pleaded. " Not much " he doctor replied. " There's just a nasty bug going around." -<>- .-._.--._ / / -. | \ |__ ,-'______.-' '( c-(_)(_)__ \ .._ . ) \ / `-' /\-|\_ /-. \ / ( , o)\ | | o)\ c - _/\\ / \ \=====| | //======| | / =====_/ |/\===/=/ )==)=) (==|=| | |=|______ (_.-. ) ) '--''-' [nabis] >The Wild Old Man An old man shopping at a department store for a gift for his wife was intent on watching a teenage girl who was going through the sale racks. The teenage girl had a Mohawk dyed in various colors: pink, purple, green, and yellow. The old man kept staring at her. Irritated by his staring the teenage girl finally broke down and sneered, "What's the matter, old dude? I bet you haven't tried anything wild in your whole life, have you?" The old man did not miss a beat when he replied, "I was drunk one time and was with a Macaw. I was just curious if you were related!" -<>- ,. |`:. | `:. m1a | |`.`:;@. | |;.`.`;| ; `.';| || ,(`;.`.| || /8o (`:. || /o8888o `; || /@o8888888o (`;| (`.()oO888888o (< `.`.;:oO08c{)/ | `.`.(),0 / / `.`.`/ / `.( / >Technical Support I worked in technical support at Silicon Graphics about a year ago, and I was part of the group that was first in line to handle problem calls. Oh, joy. Being only eighteen at the time, my experience in the field of technical support was somewhat limited, but I could still handle my own. Now, as you may or may not know, SGI sells top of the line computers used in many different industries. On average, they're about three times as expensive as personal PCs and are meant to be used by professionals in the industries they're used in. Anyway, the following call came in: Customer: "I just received an Onyx yesterday, and I tried to set it up today and it doesn't work." Tech Support: "It just doesn't boot up?" Customer: "It doesn't even turn on. I see nothing on the screen, and the fan doesn't even turn on in the back of the system." Tech Support: "Is the monitor functioning? Is there a little green light in the lower right corner of the monitor?" Customer: "Yes, there is." Tech Support: "Ok, is the computer plugged in?" Customer: (irritated) "Look, I think I know how to set up a system. I'm a college graduate, you know." Tech Support: "Ok, let me finish typing up this report, and I'll send it off. You will get a reply within one business day." Customer: (exasperated) "Thank you. Geez, I mean I paid a huge amount of money for this computer. The least you people can do it make sure it works before sending it to me!" Customer: "I mean, to add to the poor quality control, you even sent me one extra power cord." Tech Support: "One extra cord?" Customer: "Yes, it looks just the one I used to plug in the monitor and computer, but that's all you sent to me. I have no use for this other one." At this point, I thought I should inquire a little more...but use a bit of tact to do so. Tech Support: "Sir, can you double check the serial number on the back of your computer?" Customer: "On the back of the computer?" Tech Support: "Yes, sir." Customer: (sigh) "All right, all right, hold on..." I heard a few muffled grunts as he crawled over his desk to see the back of the computer. He repeated the serial number from the sticker. I didn't bother to verify it. Tech Support: "Thank you, sir. Oh, by the way, can you check to see if the computer is plugged in?" Dead silence. I could just picture the man's face when he realized that the computer was never plugged in in the first place and that the "extra" power cord he was holding in his hand was for the computer. I didn't wait for a response from him. I thanked him for calling, hung up, and closed the case. -<>- .-""""-. / \ ) ` ____.-') ( _6 _ / ( \ _| ) / -._/ _.--' ( _ / , `-. ) // , \ . | ` ___.L\ ,--.\ \`,--'"\.-' '.-' )| "'----._ __/)_,-.__. | _ ,--L "' __.-'_/ ) \_/--\____.-' _.-' _-+.--""". .==._-.__/. / _.-' | / `-. ` _/ / .` / \ , `. `--' .' / `-. `+_='^`-_.' __,' `'-..__,-_`==-' .-'' a:f .-'' _.-'\ '-..__.-' -.__) >Babies have big appetites Mum comes home with the new born baby from hospital. As she breast feeds the little baby, her 5 year old son Roger joins her and looks at the baby and than at her with big wide eyes. Mum smiles at his curiosity. Hesitantly little Roger asks: "Does the baby always have to eat the whole lump?" ============================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Christmas Around The World http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/christmasworld.html Scott Weaver Toothpick Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/toothpick.html Wall Mural Art 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wallart4.html Amazing Dog Houses http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses.html A Love Story http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lovestory.html Animal Friends 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends3.html Boeing 727 Dreamliner http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/b787.html Celebrities Then And Now http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/celebrities.html Cat In A Box http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catinbox.html Classic Chevy Collection http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevy.html Mouse Vs Leopard http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mouse.html Upside Down House http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/downhouse.html -<>- >From Our Friend Johanna :) She sent us one we have here... How Clever is this? Mystery Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mart.html --- ...Cute Reminder! Thanks Johanna! And This one here... There's Something About Mona http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monalisa.html There's Something About Mona 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/monalisa2.html --- ...Two of my personal favorites! Thanks Johanna! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) She sent us ones we have here... God Is Like http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/godislike.htm Ward's 1934 Wish Book! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wishbook.html --- ...Excellent reminders! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) One gutsy game warden Check this out http://www.liveleak.com/ll_embed?f=f9132a37d604 --- ...Such a cool one! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend KarenF :) >Christmas approaches The appearance of multiple simultaneous Santa Clauses is a sure sign that mankind's most widely recognized and commercialized religious holiday is near. It's also a sign that the holiday is celebrated by many more people than just faithful Christians, for better or worse. From the traditional Christmas markets in Germany to elfin divers feeding dolphins in Japan to the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem where it all began, Christmas is observed worldwide for commercial, irreverent, and religious reasons. Gathered here are images of people as they herald the advance of an entire season built, loosely or faithfully, around the birth of Jesus Christ. 37 photos http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2012/12/christmas_approaches_1.html --- ...Sweet! Thanks KarenF! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) A Special Christmas Gift !! http://www.wimp.com/santadad/ --- ...So heartwarming! Loved it! Thanks Linda! ============================================================== >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "There is a very big movie opening today. It's one of the most highly anticipated films of the year. It's called 'Playing for Keeps.' It's actually based on a French film called 'Playing for Crepes.'" -Craig Ferguson "There are now 20 million people in America who do yoga. And none of whom ever shut up about the fact that they do yoga." -Jimmy Fallon "Apple CEO Tim Cook says they will begin moving production of some Mac computers. They are going to build Apple products right here at home. So you kids 10 and under, get those resumes ready." -Jay Leno "Do you know who's engaged? Hugh Hefner. He said today about his fiancee, 'I've fallen for her and I can't get up.'" -David Letterman "Facebook has announced that it will not be developing any of its own games and will continue to rely on outside companies. Facebook can still take credit for that one popular game: 'Guess who got fat since high school.' --Jimmy Fallon "In Russia, there was a 125-mile traffic jam that had drivers stuck in traffic for three days. Here in Los Angeles that's known as Friday." -Conan O'Brien "Police in Georgia are looking for people who stole 400,000 toothpicks from a warehouse. Fortunately, one of the suspects has a clear alibi; a tiny piece of spinach in his teeth." -Jimmy Fallon "China is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd richest country in the world. They could become the richest, but that's only if we pay them the money we owe them, and that's not going to happen." -Jay Leno In a survey of 35 cities, Los Angeles ranked second-to-last in intelligence. Residents of L.A. were outraged after the report was slowly explained to them." -Conan O'Brien "Crime does not pay... as well as politics." - Alfred E. Newman >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************