Words From Tech Support... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* A REMINDER: For Facebook Users: Please Friend Me / Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Today's super scorcher comes from our friend Linda. This will give you your 'aww' quota for the day! Give it time to load and check it out here... ________________ '------._.------'\ \_______________\ .'| .'| .'_____________.' .| | | | | Scooby _.-. | . | | * (_.-' | | | Snacks | .| | * * | .' |______________|.' LGB My Bulldog Life http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mydoglife.html --- ...Such an adorably cute one! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: Seeing The Eye Doctor A pretty young woman visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in. Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and down carefully and with considerable appreciation. "Miss Jones," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that until today you have never undergone an eye examination." _....,_ _,...._ _.-` _,..,_'. .'_,..,_ `-._ _,-`/ o \ '. .' / o \`-,_ jgs '-.\___/.-` `-.\___/.-' ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ June 24 is Museum Comes To Life Day June 25 is Log Cabin Day June 26 is National Chocolate Pudding Day June 27 is National Columnists Day June 28 is Paul Bunyan Day June 29 is Camera Day June 30 is Meteor Day ======================================================= ."";._ _.---._ _.-"". /_.'_ '-' /`-` \_ \ .' / `\ \ /` \ '. .' / ; _ _ '-; \ ;'. _.' ; /\ / \ \ \ ; '._;._ .-'.--. | / | \0|0/ \ | '-. / /` \ | / .' \ | .---. \ | | | / /--' .-"""-. \ \/ \ | \ \ / / / ( , , ) /\ \ | / \ '----' .' | '-(_)-' | | '. / / `'----'` | '. | `'----'` jgs \ `/ '. , .' `-.____.' '.____.-' \ / '-' >-->From GoodCleanFun: >Forgetful My brother lost his cell phone while on a business trip, so he panicked the following week when he thought he'd left his BlackBerry at a restaurant. After a frantic search, he was relieved to hear it ringing in his desk. His relief was short lived, however. On the line was the restaurant, calling him to let him know he'd left his credit card there. -<>- >Gas Mileage A man was asked about the gas mileage he got on his new car. He said he thought he got about four miles to the gallon, while his teenage son got the other thirty. -<>- >Kitchen Rules You can't put plastic in the dishwasher, metal in the microwave or utensils in the garbage disposal. There are so many rules in the kitchen that it's just safer to eat out. -<>- >Pet Goldfish The six-year-old son begged his parents for a pet, and they told him he could have a goldfish. They noticed that the local pet shop was having a sale on goldfish kits, which included the fish, fishbowl, food and colored stones for the bowl's bottom. When the mother said that they would be buying him a goldfish kit, he looked surprised. "You mean," he said, "I have to put together my own fish?" -<>- >Refrigerator Snack The husband had an annoying habit of searching through the refrigerator for a snack, usually while his wife was preparing a meal. Once, after he had gone through this routine for the third time in as many minutes, she snapped, "Nothing's any different than it was a minute ago." "I know that," he assured her. "It's just that this time I've lowered my standards." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Bunni :) _________ __ .-`~ ~-. / Captain!! ` ' o' The alien vessel : . <|> tries to establish ' . | contact... . `. - Captain?! . ~-..__ ___ _ - O o . . .,., _zz____ (((((()) zz ZZ| | ((('_ _`) ' | Beep! | Z ((G \ |) |_ ____| (((` ~ , |/ .((\.:~: .----------- __.| `"'.__ | \ .~~ `---' ~. | . / ` | `-.____ | ~ | : | | : | _ | \ ~~-. | , `_ ( \) _____/~~~~ `--___ | ~`-) ) `-. `--- ( | '///` | `-. | | | | `-. | | | | `-. | | |\ | | | | \| `-. | | | `-| ' - a:f - >SMILES >Excuses If You Get Caught Sleeping In Your Cubicle 1. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen." 2. "This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that time-management course you sent me to." 3. "I was working smarter-not harder." 4. "Whew! I musta left the top off the liquid paper." 5. "Oh, I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!" 6. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!" 7. "I was testing the keyboard for drool-resistance." 8. "I was trying to remember where that difficult "Z" Key was, and now it is indelibly imprinted on my brain, or at least my forehead." 9. "I'm in the management training program." 10. "I'm actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend." 11. "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!" 12. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?" 13. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem." 14. "Uh, hey, whaddaya expect... the coffee machine is broken..." 15. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot." 16. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!" 17. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!" 18. "I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands." 19. "The mailman flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to avoid getting shot." 20. "Geez, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day." -<>- >Drunk at Confessional A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew. He finally made his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress. Figuring the fellow was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence. Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?" "I dunno." came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?" -<>- >Florist Mistake On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. He became dismayed on reading the enclosed card, that it expressed "Deepest Sympathy". While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. It was the florist, apologizing for having sent the wrong card. "Oh, it's alright." said the storekeeper. "I'm a businessman and I understand how these things can happen." "But," added the florist, "I accidentally sent your card to a funeral party. "Well, what did it say?" ask the storekeeper. "'Congratulations on your new location'." was the reply. -<>- >Funeral Comments Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about you? The first guy says,"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man." The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow. The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving! -<>- "Now, this strange, though deceptively simple-looking Earth device is called a HAMMER. It's function, however, is more complicated than it appears.... My assistant will now demostrate...." __ (_() \ \__/ || \ \__/ (oo) /) (oo) //~~\\// //~~\\ \\__/\/ _____\\__//_____ |/\| | | _____ |||| ___| |______ ______(_)(_)___|________________|____jro >Words from Tech Support Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy? ...that's right, not even McGyver could fix it. Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap'n. Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if you're with the FTC. We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct tape and a car battery. I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that. In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect. Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics. -<>- >Tagging Birds According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated: Wash. Biol. Surv. Until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible." The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service. -<>- >A Dog's Life A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband's complaint that he leads a dog's life is probably well founded. "He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said, "tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, and growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture." -<>- >Contact Lens The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was nowhere to be found. Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the lens in her hand. "How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked. "We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150." -<>- >Cynical Meanings Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool on the other. Divorce: Future tense of marriage. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either." Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power... Dictionary: A place where success comes before work. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on. Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. --- ...LOL! Great Ones! Thanks Bunni! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: [Politics] >From Our Friend PatDeE :) The Internal Revenue Service sent 23,994 tax refunds worth a combined $46,378,040 to 'unauthorized'¯ alien workers who all used the same address in Atlanta, Ga., in 2011, according to the Treasury Inspector General for Tax Administration http://tinyurl.com/m8jes9s --- ...[Sigh] And We wonder why we are so much in debt! Thanks PatDeE! Obama called "war criminal" & "hypocrite of the century" in Irish Parliament - Clare Daly https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIMucHfUMyg --- ...Wowsers! This Lady's Got Spunk! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From BizarreNews: We always see the signs; "Please Don't Feed the Animals" and we figure it is common sense. Unless you are in a city park throwing bread crumbs to ducks or at a petting zoo, you don't want wild animals interested in you. But apparently if you are in Alaska, and drunk, this obvious advice doesn't apply. At least the man in today's story didn't think it applied to him. He was wrong. The Alaska Department of Fish and Game says a black bear mauled a man at a campground north of Anchorage. A spokesman said the bear was "pretty much goaded" into the attack near Eklutna Lake Campground because the man fed it meat from a church barbecue. Alaska State Troopers spokeswoman Beth Ipsen says the man had been drinking and went for a bike ride, taking some of the food along. He came across the bear and threw it a piece of meat. When he offered the bear another piece, it attacked. The man was treated for punctures wounds and scratches at an Anchorage hospital. As an added bonus he may be charged with illegally feeding wildlife. *-- Thief apparently entered home through dog door --* SEATTLE - A Seattle man said a thief apparently squeezed through his home's 15-inch-by-10-inch doggie door to steal a haul of electronics. The Ballard neighborhood man, who asked to be identified only as Joel, said the thief apparently squeezed through the backyard door for his dog, Macy, while no one was home on a recent afternoon, KOMO-TV, Seattle, reported Monday. Joel said police couldn't find any sign of forced entry and determined the dog door was the most likely mode of entry. "They didn't come through any of the windows or doors, and so the dog door is the only other opening in the house," Joel said. "It's not big -- so it has to be somebody relatively small and willing to scrunch through the hole." "They had taken our laptops and our iPad and Kindle and some jewelry," the homeowner said of the thief or thieves. Police were investigating the incident. *-- Woman faked cancer to get out of jail --* STOCKHOLM, Sweden - A Swedish woman who tried to get out a prison sentence by faking terminal cancer will serve an additional two months, authorities said. The Court of Appeals in southern Sweden said the 46-year-old woman had been sentenced to prison for aggravated fraud and produced a medical certificate saying she was dying of cancer in an attempt to get out of the sentence, The Local.se and the Swedish news agency TT reported Monday. The certificate was accepted by the Swedish Prison and Probation Service, but the ruse was discovered by the Social Insurance Agency. Doctors said the certificate was not very convincing. "You don't write that someone has three- to six months to live and you don't use the words 'sick with cancer,'" a doctor told the Metro newspaper. The woman told the court she made the fake certificate because she was worried about prison life. "I've never been to prison before and I didn't know what I had in store for me there," the woman said. The court added two months to the woman's sentence for the forgery charge. *-- Alleged Walmart shoplifter caught after firing at door, removing pants --* ANCHORAGE, Alaska - An alleged shoplifter in an Anchorage, Alaska, Walmart attempted to escape by shooting at a locked door and removing his pants, police said. When employees confronted the man early Wednesday, he ran to a locked door, fired his gun at it, then ran outside to remove his shoes and pants before running home, Anchorage police allege. Wesley Weinburger, 22, was tracked to his Anchorage home by a police dog, where police arrested him on charges of robbery, criminal mischief and theft, police spokeswoman Dani Myren said. "When they [police] contacted the suspect he was wearing a shirt and some boxer shorts," Myren said. An assistant manager and another employee confronted Weinburger in the store when he was observed to hide a pair of windshield wiper blades in his clothing, the Anchorage Daily News reported. *-- Drunken Polish dentist yanks tooth of patient wanting a crown --* RADOMSKO, Poland - A drunken Polish dentist yanked the tooth of a patient who had come in for a crown, then barricaded himself in his office when police arrived, officials said. The patient in Radomsko was undergoing preparations for the crown when he became suspicious the dentist was drunk, Polskie Radio reported Wednesday. The dentist polished the patient's front teeth, and then gave him five jabs of anesthetic, Polskie Radio reported. "After a few minutes, the 28-year-old saw that his front tooth had landed in the bin, and at that moment he decided to protest," police spokesperson Aneta Komorowska said. The patient demanded his dental records, but the dentist, 50, banished the patient from the surgery room, Polskie Radio reported. When police were finally able to enter the dentist's office, they confirmed he was under the influence of alcohol, and blood tests have been taken to determine how drunk he was during the dental procedure, the radio station reported. Charges will be brought when medical experts determine the extent of the alleged damage to the patient, the radio station said. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Geniann :) --- .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | >Bits & Pieces... During the recent royal wedding, the millions around the world saw that Prince William chose to wear a uniform that included the famous British "red coat." Many people have asked, "why did the British wear red coats in battle?" A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During one battle, the French captured a British Colonel. They took him to their headquarters, and the French General began to question him. Finally, as an afterthought, the French General asked, "Why do you British officers all wear red coats? Don't you know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?" In his casual, matter-of-fact, way, the officer informed the General that the reason British officers wear red coats is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show, and the men they are leading won't panic. And that is why, from that day forward, all French Army officers wear brown trousers. -<>- Two men were grumbling over their problems. The first man said, "My wife left me for a man who drives an ice cream truck." His friend began to ask, "You mean..." "Yeah," the first guy replied. "She left me for Mr. Softy." -<>- Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine husband called home to tell me he would be late again. He went on to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon's quarters and they had to discipline the whole squad. I launched into a tirade, arguing that many men had pictures hanging in their quarters at our previous post, so his new platoon should not be penalized for something trivial. My husband calmly listened to my gripes and then explained, "Honey, dirty magazines: the clips from their rifles had not been cleaned." -<>- Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average. See....You've met your New Year's resolution -<>- "The most insincere and untruthful words ever spoken: 'Your call is important to us. Someone will be with you shortly." ~~-- Anonymous -<>- \____ ___, __\o___|__ __)____)__ /// =. -)- ))) _/ \_c/ \=_/ \__ /= \/ )_/=\ \ ^|\ __((_\_/\ )\ \___ __ /_/-\o____) _\_\,__o/-\_\ \/ ))__|_ (x_\_:M \/ ,/:_/_s) \ *\ \ / /o / \ *\ \ / /o / \,/ `) (' \,/ / ( | | ) \ ,- <___( )___> -\ -,--(o \| |-.--,-- | |/ o)--,. - b'ger [_,_(o \__ _/ o)_,_/ \_,___] [___,_/ >Never squat with your spurs on Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the greatest political sages this country has ever known. Some of his sayings: 1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco. 2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day. 3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works. 4. Never miss a good chance to shut up. 5. Always drink upstream from the herd. 6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging. 7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back into your pocket. 8. There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for themselves. 9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. 10. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there. 11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it back. 12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut. ABOUT GROWING OLDER... First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it. Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for. Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and some of the roads weren't paved. Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra. Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks. Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the top. Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it's such a nice change from being young. Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has been. Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf. And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have anything to laugh at when you're old. -<>- One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch off a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "No." The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. Again, the woodcutter replied, "No." The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?" the Lord asked. The woodcutter replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him three axes to keep, and the woodcutter went home happily. One day while he was walking with his wife along the riverbank, the woodcutter's wife fell into the river. -<>- Mesoamerican Abacus (Aztec) ________________________________________________________ / ____________________________________________________ \ | |<_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> | | | |<_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> | | | |<_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> | | | |_|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|___|__| | | ____________________________________________________ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | |<_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> | | | |<_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> | | | |<_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> | | | |<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_<_>_| | \___________________________________________________LGB__/ COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America. ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 9%. COSTELLO: That many people are out of work? ABBOTT: No, that's 16%. COSTELLO: You just said 9%. ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed. COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work. ABBOTT: No, that's 16%. COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 16% unemployed. ABBOTT: No, that's 9%... COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 9% or 16%? ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work. COSTELLO: If you are ?out of work? you are ?unemployed.? ABBOTT: No, you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed. COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!! ABBOTT: No, you miss my point. COSTELLO: What point? ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work, can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair. COSTELLO: To whom? ABBOTT: The unemployed. COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work. ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed. COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment roles, that would count as less unemployment? ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely! COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work? ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how you get to 9%. Otherwise it would be 16%. You don't want to read about 16% unemployment, do ya? COSTELLO: That would be frightening. ABBOTT: Absolutely. COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number? ABBOTT: Two ways is correct. COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job? ABBOTT: Correct. COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job? ABBOTT: Bingo. COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work. ABBOTT: Now you're talking like an economist. COSTELLO: I DON?T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT I JUST SAID!!! ABBOTT: Now you're talking like a politician!! --- ...LMAO! All Good ones! Thanks Geniann! ============================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _________________________________________________ '. '. '.'. '. |'.'.________________________________________________'. | '|_________________________________________________| | | .-----------------------------. | | | | Newspapers Magazines Comics | .'\ | | | /`. '-----------------------------' .' \| | |/ `. _____________________________ \.'\.'\ | /`./`./ | _| | .' .' \ | / `. `. | .-' '-. | \ \ \ | / / / | |:::::| | \.'\ .' | `. / / |===. |:::::| | .' .'\.'\ | /`./`./`. |Gum | |:::::| | \ \ \ | / / / |10% |________________|:::::| | \ \ .' | `. `. / |____| /'''\. | \.'\.' | `./`./ |____________________________'| | | |______ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ | | | ==== | | === | | === | | === | | === | | === || | |______|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\ | | | _____ | _____ | | _____ | | | |______ || === ||| === || _____ ||=====|| | | | ==== |||=====||| === ||| === ||| === ||_______| '. |______|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\_______\ LGB'. | | | | | | | '|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______| `. `. `. `. `. `. `. `. _______________`.______________`.________________`.______________`.___ ________________|_______________|_________________|_______________|__ ___________________\\\\\\\__________________________________________ [Following are some very funny spelling bloopers caught in local newspapers, publications and various emails. See if you can catch the goofs.] 1. "...an autopsy to determine if the elderly man lost courteousness for medical reasons." (Trenton, N.J.) 2. "[An NBA coach] will take charge of a young team still in the throws of a roster overhaul." (Vernon, Conn.) 3. "'It's pretty exciting,' according to his material grandmother." (Potsdam, N.Y.) 4. "The MCCC fight team won 21 out of 32 awards and brought home nine metals." Including the gold? (Trenton, N.J.) 5. "McNabb...exasperated the injury attempting to chase down Dallas Cowboys safety Roy Williams." (Trenton, N.J.) 6. "Boxer Pups AKC, 1M, 1F, Bread for Health and Temperament." (e-mail) 7. "[Paris Hilton] was probably going through cocaine withdrawls." Is she from the South? (Sunnyvale, Calif.) 8. "Our lunch menu [includes] a variety of hot entrees and tempting deserts." Presumably also hot. (Upper Saint Clair, Pa.) 9. "Vincent was a brawny Swiss ex-patriot." (San Jose, CA) 10. "...those who acquaint shopping with charity." (Simsbury, Conn.) ---- Corrections: 1. consciousness 2. throes 3. maternal 4. medals 5. exacerbated 6. bred 7. withdrawals 8. desserts 9. expatriate 10. equate -<>- A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday. The following week she asked each child in turn what they had learned. Susie said, "He was born in a manger." Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple." Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't know how to drive it." Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that, Johnny?" "From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'" -<>- Do I look that shady? I just got a GPS for my car, and my first trip with it was to a drugstore. Since the manual said not to leave it in the car unattended, I brought it with me into the store. While there, the GPS came alive, and a voice stated, "Lost satellite contact." I wasn't embarrassed until a woman turned to me and said, "Your ankle bracelet monitor is talking to you." -<>- I requested identification from a department-store customer who had just written a personal check for her purchase. After fumbling through her purse, she presented me with what she said was the only thing that bore both her name and address. It was a notice of insufficient funds from her bank. -<>- Light bulb jokes are an innocent way to poke fun -- or so I thought. Working as a sound technician, I asked an electrician, who was also the local union steward: "Hey, Mike. How many Teamsters does it take to change a light bulb?" I expected the classic answer: "Twelve. You got a problem with that?" But Mike replied in all seriousness, "None. Teamsters shouldn't be touching light bulbs." -<>- A woman walked into my father's carpet store. She'd just moved out of her parents' home and needed something for her new living-room floor. "Do you know how big the room is?" Dad asked. "Yes," she said. "It's 22 flip-flops long by 18 flip-flops wide...and I wear a size 8." ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: __ _ /__`./ `._ (..`\)``''` \< ,| (`-` )_ /`'` `. _.-` _/( _ `. __..--`` .' \ `. ) _.` __(_.-'`| _( / .` XX))=====| XX(((===============(- \________\ / | | \_.-` | | | _| ( ( ___ _.-`-` \ \ \ _.-'. _._ _.-` `` YXXbYXXXXb.-` _.-`_.-` / __YXX\`YXXXXb.`_.-` .´ (XXX''`(XXXX.-'` _.-`_.-`_.-`_.-` _.-`_.-`_.-`_.-`gnv __.-`_.-__.-`_.-` `'---` `'---` A few years ago I was on a business trip to Colorado, right in the heart of ski country I hadn't intended to go skiing but the snow had began lightly falling and my biz appointments had been canceled for several day so i decided to submit to the jaunts an jeers i was getting from the dispersing troops to join the cach and join them . We loaded up my friend’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, we got caught in a terrible blizzard and pulled off the barely visible road into a small roadside farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if we could spend the night. I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you two stay in my house' 'Don't worry,' my buddy assured her, 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.' The lady finally agreed, and we found our way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and we cleared off the accumulated snow from the car and got on our way and enjoyed a great weekend of skiing. About nine months later, my buddy got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow we had met on that ski weekend. He called me and asked, 'Hey, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?' 'Yes, I do.' I said. 'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?' 'Well, um, yes, 'my good ole buddy admitted, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.' 'And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?' My friend's face must have turned beet red as he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy; I'm afraid I did.' Why do you ask?' 'Well I just wanted to thank you for my good fortune, you see the lady just died and left the place and everything else to me.' -<>- .--""--.___.._ ( <__> ) `-. |`--..--'| <| | :| / | :|--""-./ `.__ __;' o!O "" >WHITE LIE CAKE Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this, especially all| of those who bake for church events. Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa, but forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack for Scout camp. When Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She thought, "Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake." This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church and in her new community of friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect. Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home. When Amanda arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. She grabbed her cell phone and called her mom. Alice was horrified - she was beside herself. Everyone would know! What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, and ridiculed! All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back. The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time. Alice did not want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at Alice because she was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa but, having already RSVP'd, she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home. The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South and, to Alice's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert! Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake! She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!" Alice still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself." Alice smiled and thought to herself, "God is good.” -<>- _, `(. )- `` )/, '\\ =/= ))) \\ < D/ \\ e_ / \\_ __\ \____ / 7// )/` /\ |(_/ ) (/ ( \ '_/\ \ \ ^\ /\ \__/ \______|<-_\ )_7___\ )_/ /` ( \ / \_ / '\/\ | / , | | | | | | >The love story of Ralph and Edna Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person you love. I have concluded that y our act displays sound- mindedness. The bad news is; Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but he's dead.' Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?' ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit God's Night Lights http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/night.html Paper Sculpture Art http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/paper.html Want-A-Be http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/want.html I Am Who I Am http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/Iam.html You Are The Only You God Has! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/onlyyougodhas.html I Believe... http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/believe.html From Russia With Love http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teardrop.html Heroes Truck http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/herotruck.html Who Is WE? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoiswe.html Feather Painting 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/feather2.html Telephone Sheep Art http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/phonesheep.html Amazing Dog Houses 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses2.html Extreme Poodle Makeover http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poodlemakeover.html MacGyver - How To Do It 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver2.html Montreal Gardens http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/montreal.html -<>- >From Our Friend Brenda :) She sent us one we have here... One Of Those Days! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/days.html --- ...TeeHee! A good reminder! Thanks Brenda! -<>- >From Our Friend Geniann :) Kaleidoscope - nice and slow! http://inoyan.narod.ru/kaleidoskop.swf --- ...a great reminder of our youth! Thanks Geniann! How Spain Gets Rid of their stupid ones http://www.youtube.com/embed/2h-WhhqFjv4?feature=player_%20detailpage --- ...LOL! Thanks Geniann! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody :) Chinese girl with no fingers on one hand wows on piano http://tinyurl.com/69gjjmh Graduation Cake Mistake Simply Purr-fect [Video] http://tinyurl.com/m8kjhse How the border between India and Pakistan is closed, every day http://www.wimp.com/indiapakistan/ --- ...Amazing! Thanks Melody! ========================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "A new study found that women think men holding a guitar are more attractive, even if they are not playing it. In a related story, guys with an accordion will die alone." -Jimmy Fallon "NASA is taking applications for people who want to live on Mars. Now here are the requirements: You have to be between the ages of 18 and 40 and insane." -David Letterman "Giant African land snails have been found in Florida and Texas. If you're in Houston and you see a giant snail coming toward you, walk slowly for your life." -Jimmy Kimmel "A new study found that the way someone sneezes can say a lot about a person. For example, if they hold their sneeze in, they're humble. If they cover it, they're respectful. And if they just sneeze into the air, they're standing next to you on the subway." -Jimmy Fallon "There is a big movie out today: 'The Great Gatsby.' They should have jazzed up the movie's title. They should have called it something like '2 Fast 2 Gatsby.'" -Craig Ferguson "The Statue of Liberty is reopening on July 4. It has been closed since last year. What happened was she went in for lap band surgery." -David Letterman "A Texas man has fired the first-ever gun created by a 3-D printer. Which raises the question: Don't you think a gun created by a printer would jam?" -Conan O'Brien "The stock market is at an all-time high. People at home are saying, 'That would be great if I had a job.'" -Dave Letterman "A new study found that certain fish use sign language to communicate. Apparently they have a sign for everything - except for 'big metal hook.'" -Jimmy Fallon Patience Is Idling Your Motor When You Really Feel Like Strippin' Your Gears -- Irish >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ************************************************************************ >TO SUBSCRIBE: Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com ************************************************************************