Words From Tech Support... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList:
To Subscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com
To UnSubscribe send a blank email to
ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
Group home page:
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Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an
adult club in the love and romance directory so
you will have to confirm that you are an adult
when you go here. I still have no idea how to change
this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try!
or Web Site:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com
or email me here:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
================
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Please Friend Me / Like Me here...
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================
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
Today's super scorcher comes from our friend Linda.
This will give you your 'aww' quota for the day!
Give it time to load and check it out here...
________________
'------._.------'\
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.'_____________.' .|
| | |
| Scooby _.-. | . |
| * (_.-' | |
| Snacks | .|
| * * | .'
|______________|.' LGB
My Bulldog Life
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mydoglife.html
---
...Such an adorably cute one! Thanks Linda!
=======================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone: Seeing The Eye Doctor
A pretty young woman visiting her new doctor for the first time found
herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing
nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as
she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light
rap sounded on the door and a young doctor strode in.
Coming to an abrupt halt, the doctor looked his nude patient up and
down carefully and with considerable appreciation.
"Miss Jones," he said finally, "it seems quite obvious to me that
until today you have never undergone an eye examination."
_....,_ _,...._
_.-` _,..,_'. .'_,..,_ `-._
_,-`/ o \ '. .' / o \`-,_
jgs '-.\___/.-` `-.\___/.-'
=======================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
June 24 is Museum Comes To Life Day
June 25 is Log Cabin Day
June 26 is National Chocolate Pudding Day
June 27 is National Columnists Day
June 28 is Paul Bunyan Day
June 29 is Camera Day
June 30 is Meteor Day
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/_.'_ '-' /`-` \_ \
.' / `\ \ /` \ '.
.' / ; _ _ '-; \ ;'.
_.' ; /\ / \ \ \ ; '._;._
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/ /` \ | / .' \ | .---. \
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\ \ / / / ( , , ) /\ \ | /
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jgs \ `/
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'-'
>-->From GoodCleanFun:
>Forgetful
My brother lost his cell phone while on a business trip, so he panicked
the following week when he thought he'd left his BlackBerry at a
restaurant. After a frantic search, he was relieved to hear it ringing
in his desk. His relief was short lived, however. On the line was the
restaurant, calling him to let him know he'd left his credit card
there.
-<>-
>Gas Mileage
A man was asked about the gas mileage he got on his new car.
He said he thought he got about four miles to the gallon, while his
teenage son got the other thirty.
-<>-
>Kitchen Rules
You can't put plastic in the dishwasher, metal in the microwave or
utensils in the garbage disposal. There are so many rules in the
kitchen that it's just safer to eat out.
-<>-
>Pet Goldfish
The six-year-old son begged his parents for a pet, and they told him he
could have a goldfish. They noticed that the local pet shop was having
a sale on goldfish kits, which included the fish, fishbowl, food and
colored stones for the bowl's bottom.
When the mother said that they would be buying him a goldfish kit, he
looked surprised.
"You mean," he said, "I have to put together my own fish?"
-<>-
>Refrigerator Snack
The husband had an annoying habit of searching through the refrigerator
for a snack, usually while his wife was preparing a meal.
Once, after he had gone through this routine for the third time in as
many minutes, she snapped, "Nothing's any different than it was a
minute ago."
"I know that," he assured her. "It's just that this time I've lowered
my standards."
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Bunni :)
_________ __
.-`~ ~-.
/ Captain!! `
' o' The alien vessel :
. <|> tries to establish '
. | contact... .
`. - Captain?! .
~-..__ ___ _ -
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| | | | `-.
| | | | `-.
| | |\ |
| | | \|
`-. | | |
`-| '
- a:f -
>SMILES
>Excuses If You Get Caught Sleeping In Your Cubicle
1. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
2. "This is just a 15-minute power nap like they raved about in that
time-management course you sent me to."
3. "I was working smarter-not harder."
4. "Whew! I musta left the top off the liquid paper."
5. "Oh, I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on our mission statement and
envisioning a new paradigm!"
6. "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
7. "I was testing the keyboard for drool-resistance."
8. "I was trying to remember where that difficult "Z" Key was, and now
it is indelibly imprinted on my brain, or at least my forehead."
9. "I'm in the management training program."
10. "I'm actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan"
(SLEEP) I learned at the last mandatory seminar you made me attend."
11. "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed
about work!"
12. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related
stress. Do you discriminate against people who practice Yoga?"
13. "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a
solution to our biggest problem."
14. "Uh, hey, whaddaya expect... the coffee machine is broken..."
15. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
16. "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
17. "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the
workaholic!"
18. "I wasn't sleeping. I was trying to pick up my contact lens without
my hands."
19. "The mailman flipped out and pulled a gun so I was playing dead to
avoid getting shot."
20. "Geez, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day."
-<>-
>Drunk at Confessional
A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, he
managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the
building, where he crashed from pew to pew. He finally made his way to
a side aisle and into a confessional.
A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress. Figuring the
fellow was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to enter his side
of the confessional. His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy
silence.
Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?"
"I dunno." came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got
any toilet paper on your side?"
-<>-
>Florist Mistake
On opening his new store, a man received a bouquet of flowers. He became
dismayed on reading the enclosed card, that it expressed "Deepest
Sympathy".
While puzzling over the message, his telephone rang. It was the florist,
apologizing for having sent the wrong card.
"Oh, it's alright." said the storekeeper. "I'm a businessman and I
understand how these things can happen."
"But," added the florist, "I accidentally sent your card to a funeral
party.
"Well, what did it say?" ask the storekeeper.
"'Congratulations on your new location'." was the reply.
-<>-
>Funeral Comments
Three friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in
heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends
and family are mourning you, what would you like to hear them say about
you?
The first guy says,"I would like to hear them say that I was a great
doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful
husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children
of tomorrow.
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's
Moving!
-<>-
"Now, this strange, though deceptively
simple-looking Earth device is called
a HAMMER. It's function, however, is
more complicated than it appears....
My assistant will now demostrate...."
__
(_() \
\__/ || \ \__/
(oo) /) (oo)
//~~\\// //~~\\
\\__/\/ _____\\__//_____
|/\| | |
_____ |||| ___| |______
______(_)(_)___|________________|____jro
>Words from Tech Support
Do you have a sledgehammer or a brick handy?
...that's right, not even McGyver could fix it.
Looks like you're gonna need some new dilythium crystals, Cap'n.
Press 1 for Support. Press 2 if you're with 60 Minutes. Press 3 if
you're with the FTC.
We can fix this, but you're gonna need a butter knife, a roll of duct
tape and a car battery.
I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.
In layman's terms, we call that the Hindenburg Effect.
Okay, turn to page 523 in your copy of Dianetics.
-<>-
>Tagging Birds
According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the
metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag
migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of
the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated:
Wash. Biol. Surv.
Until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:
"Dear Sirs:
While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a
crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to
tell you it was horrible."
The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.
-<>-
>A Dog's Life
A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband's complaint that he
leads a dog's life is probably well founded.
"He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said, "tracks across my
clean floors, barks at nothing, and growls at his food and makes himself
comfortable on my best furniture."
-<>-
>Contact Lens
The teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his
driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was
nowhere to be found.
Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes, returned with the
lens in her hand.
"How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked.
"We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied.
"You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
-<>-
>Cynical Meanings
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a
fool on the other.
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the
Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through
"the minds of either."
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody
believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by
feminine water power...
Dictionary: A place where success comes before work.
Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and
everybody disagrees later on.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
---
...LOL! Great Ones! Thanks Bunni!
=========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
[Politics]
>From Our Friend PatDeE :)
The Internal Revenue Service sent 23,994 tax refunds worth a combined
$46,378,040 to 'unauthorized'¯ alien workers who all used the same
address in Atlanta, Ga., in 2011, according to the Treasury Inspector
General for Tax Administration
http://tinyurl.com/m8jes9s
---
...[Sigh] And We wonder why we are so much in debt! Thanks PatDeE!
Obama called "war criminal" & "hypocrite of the century"
in Irish Parliament - Clare Daly
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QIMucHfUMyg
---
...Wowsers! This Lady's Got Spunk! Thanks PatDeE!
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
We always see the signs; "Please Don't Feed the Animals" and
we figure it is common sense. Unless you are in a city park
throwing bread crumbs to ducks or at a petting zoo, you don't
want wild animals interested in you.
But apparently if you are in Alaska, and drunk, this obvious
advice doesn't apply. At least the man in today's story didn't
think it applied to him. He was wrong.
The Alaska Department of Fish and Game says a black bear mauled
a man at a campground north of Anchorage. A spokesman said the
bear was "pretty much goaded" into the attack near Eklutna Lake
Campground because the man fed it meat from a church barbecue.
Alaska State Troopers spokeswoman Beth Ipsen says the man had
been drinking and went for a bike ride, taking some of the
food along. He came across the bear and threw it a piece of
meat. When he offered the bear another piece, it attacked.
The man was treated for punctures wounds and scratches at an
Anchorage hospital. As an added bonus he may be charged with
illegally feeding wildlife.
*-- Thief apparently entered home through dog door --*
SEATTLE - A Seattle man said a thief apparently squeezed
through his home's 15-inch-by-10-inch doggie door to steal
a haul of electronics. The Ballard neighborhood man, who
asked to be identified only as Joel, said the thief
apparently squeezed through the backyard door for his
dog, Macy, while no one was home on a recent afternoon,
KOMO-TV, Seattle, reported Monday. Joel said police
couldn't find any sign of forced entry and determined the
dog door was the most likely mode of entry. "They didn't
come through any of the windows or doors, and so the dog
door is the only other opening in the house," Joel said.
"It's not big -- so it has to be somebody relatively small
and willing to scrunch through the hole." "They had taken
our laptops and our iPad and Kindle and some jewelry,"
the homeowner said of the thief or thieves. Police were
investigating the incident.
*-- Woman faked cancer to get out of jail --*
STOCKHOLM, Sweden - A Swedish woman who tried to get out
a prison sentence by faking terminal cancer will serve
an additional two months, authorities said. The Court of
Appeals in southern Sweden said the 46-year-old woman had
been sentenced to prison for aggravated fraud and produced
a medical certificate saying she was dying of cancer in an
attempt to get out of the sentence, The Local.se and the
Swedish news agency TT reported Monday. The certificate
was accepted by the Swedish Prison and Probation Service,
but the ruse was discovered by the Social Insurance Agency.
Doctors said the certificate was not very convincing. "You
don't write that someone has three- to six months to live
and you don't use the words 'sick with cancer,'" a doctor
told the Metro newspaper. The woman told the court she
made the fake certificate because she was worried about
prison life. "I've never been to prison before and I
didn't know what I had in store for me there," the woman
said. The court added two months to the woman's sentence
for the forgery charge.
*-- Alleged Walmart shoplifter caught after firing at door,
removing pants --*
ANCHORAGE, Alaska - An alleged shoplifter in an Anchorage,
Alaska, Walmart attempted to escape by shooting at a
locked door and removing his pants, police said. When
employees confronted the man early Wednesday, he ran to
a locked door, fired his gun at it, then ran outside to
remove his shoes and pants before running home, Anchorage
police allege. Wesley Weinburger, 22, was tracked to his
Anchorage home by a police dog, where police arrested him
on charges of robbery, criminal mischief and theft, police
spokeswoman Dani Myren said. "When they [police] contacted
the suspect he was wearing a shirt and some boxer shorts,"
Myren said. An assistant manager and another employee
confronted Weinburger in the store when he was observed
to hide a pair of windshield wiper blades in his clothing,
the Anchorage Daily News reported.
*-- Drunken Polish dentist yanks tooth of patient wanting a crown --*
RADOMSKO, Poland - A drunken Polish dentist yanked the
tooth of a patient who had come in for a crown, then
barricaded himself in his office when police arrived,
officials said. The patient in Radomsko was undergoing
preparations for the crown when he became suspicious the
dentist was drunk, Polskie Radio reported Wednesday. The
dentist polished the patient's front teeth, and then gave
him five jabs of anesthetic, Polskie Radio reported.
"After a few minutes, the 28-year-old saw that his front
tooth had landed in the bin, and at that moment he decided
to protest," police spokesperson Aneta Komorowska said.
The patient demanded his dental records, but the dentist,
50, banished the patient from the surgery room, Polskie
Radio reported. When police were finally able to enter
the dentist's office, they confirmed he was under the
influence of alcohol, and blood tests have been taken to
determine how drunk he was during the dental procedure,
the radio station reported. Charges will be brought when
medical experts determine the extent of the alleged damage
to the patient, the radio station said.
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Geniann :)
---
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>Bits & Pieces...
During the recent royal wedding, the millions around
the world saw that Prince William chose to wear a uniform
that included the famous British "red coat." Many people
have asked, "why did the British wear red coats in battle?"
A long time ago, Britain and France were at war. During
one battle, the French captured a British Colonel. They took
him to their headquarters, and the French
General began to question him.
Finally, as an afterthought, the French General asked,
"Why do you British officers all wear red coats? Don't you
know the red material makes you easier targets for us to shoot at?"
In his casual, matter-of-fact, way, the officer informed
the General that the reason British officers wear red coats
is so that if they are shot, the blood won't show,
and the men they are leading won't panic.
And that is why, from that day forward, all French
Army officers wear brown trousers.
-<>-
Two men were grumbling over their problems. The first man said,
"My wife left me for a man who drives an ice cream truck."
His friend began to ask, "You mean..."
"Yeah," the first guy replied. "She left me for Mr. Softy."
-<>-
Soon after being transferred to a new duty station, my Marine
husband called home to tell me he would be late again. He went on
to say that dirty magazines had been discovered in the platoon's
quarters and they had to discipline the whole squad. I launched
into a tirade, arguing that many men had pictures hanging in their
quarters at our previous post, so his new platoon should not be
penalized for something trivial. My husband calmly listened to my
gripes and then explained, "Honey, dirty magazines: the clips from
their rifles had not been cleaned."
-<>-
Now there are more overweight people in America than
average-weight people. So overweight people are now
average. See....You've met your New Year's resolution
-<>-
"The most insincere and untruthful words ever
spoken: 'Your call is important to us. Someone
will be with you shortly." ~~-- Anonymous
-<>-
\____ ___,
__\o___|__ __)____)__
/// =. -)- )))
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b'ger [_,_(o \__ _/ o)_,_/
\_,___] [___,_/
>Never squat with your spurs on
Will Rogers, who died in a 1935 plane crash, was one of the
greatest political sages this country has ever known.
Some of his sayings:
1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.
2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.
3. There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.
5. Always drink upstream from the herd.
6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.
7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it
back into your pocket.
8. There are three kinds of men:
The ones that learn by reading.
The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence and find out for
themselves.
9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from
bad judgment.
10. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and
then to make sure it's still there.
11. Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier'n puttin' it
back.
12. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he
started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
ABOUT GROWING OLDER...
First ~ Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about
your age and start bragging about it.
Second ~ The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line
for.
Third ~ Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me; I want
people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way, and
some of the roads weren't paved.
Fourth ~ When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth,
think of Algebra.
Fifth ~ You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or
leaks.
Sixth ~ I don't know how I got over the hill without getting to the
top.
Seventh ~ One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that
it's such a nice change from being young.
Eighth ~ One must wait until evening to see how splendid the day has
been.
Ninth ~ Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Tenth ~ Long ago, when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it
was called witchcraft. Today it's called golf.
And, finally ~ If you don't learn to laugh at trouble, you won't have
anything to laugh at when you're old.
-<>-
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch off a tree above a
river, his axe fell into the river.
When he cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "Why are you crying?"
The woodcutter replied that his axe has fallen into water.
The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is
this your axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord again went down and came up with a silver axe. "Is this your
axe?" the Lord asked.
Again, the woodcutter replied, "No."
The Lord went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your
axe?" the Lord asked.
The woodcutter replied, "Yes."
The Lord was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him three axes to
keep, and the woodcutter went home happily.
One day while he was walking with his wife along the riverbank, the
woodcutter's wife fell into the river.
-<>-
Mesoamerican Abacus (Aztec)
________________________________________________________
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| |<_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> <_> | |
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\___________________________________________________LGB__/
COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in America.
ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 9%.
COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?
ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.
COSTELLO: You just said 9%.
ABBOTT: 9% Unemployed.
COSTELLO: Right 9% out of work.
ABBOTT: No, that's 16%.
COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 16% unemployed.
ABBOTT: No, that's 9%...
COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 9% or 16%?
ABBOTT: 9% are unemployed. 16% are out of work.
COSTELLO: If you are ?out of work? you are ?unemployed.?
ABBOTT: No, you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed.
You have to look for work to be unemployed.
COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!
ABBOTT: No, you miss my point.
COSTELLO: What point?
ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work, can't be counted
with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair.
COSTELLO: To whom?
ABBOTT: The unemployed.
COSTELLO: But they are ALL out of work.
ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those
who are out of work stopped looking. They gave up. And, if you
give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.
COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment roles, that would
count as less unemployment?
ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!
COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look
for work?
ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how you get to 9%. Otherwise
it would be 16%. You don't want to read about 16% unemployment, do ya?
COSTELLO: That would be frightening.
ABBOTT: Absolutely.
COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two
ways to bring down the unemployment number?
ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.
COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?
ABBOTT: Correct.
COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking
for a job?
ABBOTT: Bingo.
COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down,
and the easier of the two is to just stop looking for work.
ABBOTT: Now you're talking like an economist.
COSTELLO: I DON?T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT I JUST SAID!!!
ABBOTT: Now you're talking like a politician!!
---
...LMAO! All Good ones! Thanks Geniann!
=============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_________________________________________________
'. '.
'.'. '.
|'.'.________________________________________________'.
| '|_________________________________________________|
| | .-----------------------------. |
| | | Newspapers Magazines Comics | .'\ |
| | /`. '-----------------------------' .' \|
| |/ `. _____________________________ \.'\.'\
| /`./`./ | _| | .' .' \
| / `. `. | .-' '-. | \ \ \
| / / / | |:::::| | \.'\ .'
| `. / / |===. |:::::| | .' .'\.'\
| /`./`./`. |Gum | |:::::| | \ \ \
| / / / |10% |________________|:::::| | \ \ .'
| `. `. / |____| /'''\. | \.'\.'
| `./`./ |____________________________'| |
| |______ _____ _____ _____ _____ _____ |
| | ==== | | === | | === | | === | | === | | === ||
| |______|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\
| | | _____ | _____ | | _____ | |
| |______ || === ||| === || _____ ||=====|| |
| | ==== |||=====||| === ||| === ||| === ||_______|
'. |______|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\|_____|\_______\
LGB'. | | | | | | |
'|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|_______|
`. `. `. `.
`. `. `. `.
_______________`.______________`.________________`.______________`.___
________________|_______________|_________________|_______________|__
___________________\\\\\\\__________________________________________
[Following are some very funny spelling bloopers caught in
local newspapers, publications and various emails. See if
you can catch the goofs.]
1. "...an autopsy to determine if the elderly man lost
courteousness for medical reasons." (Trenton, N.J.)
2. "[An NBA coach] will take charge of a young team still
in the throws of a roster overhaul." (Vernon, Conn.)
3. "'It's pretty exciting,' according to his material
grandmother." (Potsdam, N.Y.)
4. "The MCCC fight team won 21 out of 32 awards and brought
home nine metals." Including the gold? (Trenton, N.J.)
5. "McNabb...exasperated the injury attempting to chase
down Dallas Cowboys safety Roy Williams." (Trenton, N.J.)
6. "Boxer Pups AKC, 1M, 1F, Bread for Health and Temperament."
(e-mail)
7. "[Paris Hilton] was probably going through cocaine
withdrawls." Is she from the South? (Sunnyvale, Calif.)
8. "Our lunch menu [includes] a variety of hot entrees and
tempting deserts." Presumably also hot. (Upper Saint Clair,
Pa.)
9. "Vincent was a brawny Swiss ex-patriot." (San Jose, CA)
10. "...those who acquaint shopping with charity." (Simsbury,
Conn.)
----
Corrections: 1. consciousness 2. throes 3. maternal 4. medals
5. exacerbated 6. bred 7. withdrawals 8. desserts 9. expatriate
10. equate
-<>-
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her students
that she wanted each of them to have learned one fact about
Jesus by the next Sunday.
The following week she asked each child in turn what they
had learned.
Susie said, "He was born in a manger."
Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of the temple."
Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but he doesn't
know how to drive it."
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn that,
Johnny?"
"From my Daddy," said Johnny. "Yesterday we were driving
down the highway, and this red pickup truck pulled out in
front of us and Daddy yelled at him, 'Jesus Christ! Why
don't you learn how to drive?'"
-<>-
Do I look that shady? I just got a GPS for my car, and my
first trip with it was to a drugstore. Since the manual
said not to leave it in the car unattended, I brought it
with me into the store. While there, the GPS came alive,
and a voice stated, "Lost satellite contact."
I wasn't embarrassed until a woman turned to me and said,
"Your ankle bracelet monitor is talking to you."
-<>-
I requested identification from a department-store customer
who had just written a personal check for her purchase.
After fumbling through her purse, she presented me with what
she said was the only thing that bore both her name and
address.
It was a notice of insufficient funds from her bank.
-<>-
Light bulb jokes are an innocent way to poke fun -- or so
I thought. Working as a sound technician, I asked an
electrician, who was also the local union steward: "Hey,
Mike. How many Teamsters does it take to change a light
bulb?"
I expected the classic answer: "Twelve. You got a problem
with that?" But Mike replied in all seriousness, "None.
Teamsters shouldn't be touching light bulbs."
-<>-
A woman walked into my father's carpet store. She'd just
moved out of her parents' home and needed something for her
new living-room floor. "Do you know how big the room is?"
Dad asked.
"Yes," she said. "It's 22 flip-flops long by 18 flip-flops
wide...and I wear a size 8."
=========================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
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/`'` `. _.-`
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\________\ /
| | \_.-`
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_| ( (
___ _.-`-` \ \ \ _.-'. _._
_.-` `` YXXbYXXXXb.-` _.-`_.-`
/ __YXX\`YXXXXb.`_.-`
.´ (XXX''`(XXXX.-'`
_.-`_.-`_.-`_.-`
_.-`_.-`_.-`_.-`gnv
__.-`_.-__.-`_.-`
`'---` `'---`
A few years ago I was on a business trip to Colorado, right in the heart
of ski country I hadn't intended to go skiing but the snow had
began lightly falling and my biz appointments had been canceled for
several day so i decided to submit to the jaunts an jeers i was getting
from the dispersing troops to join the cach and join them .
We loaded up my friend’s minivan and headed north. After driving for a
few hours, we got caught in a terrible blizzard and pulled off the
barely visible road into a small roadside farm and asked the attractive
lady who answered the door if we could spend the night.
I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all
to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the
neighbors will talk if I let you two stay in my house'
'Don't worry,' my buddy assured her, 'We'll be happy to sleep in the
barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'
The lady finally agreed, and we found our way to the barn and settled in
for the night.
Come morning, the weather had cleared, and we cleared off the
accumulated snow from the car and got on our way and enjoyed a great
weekend of skiing.
About nine months later, my buddy got an unexpected letter from an
attorney.
It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined
that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow we had met on
that ski weekend.
He called me and asked, 'Hey, do you remember that good-looking widow
from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months
ago?'
'Yes, I do.' I said.
'Did you, er, happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the
house and pay her a visit?'
'Well, um, yes, 'my good ole buddy admitted, a little embarrassed about
being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'
'And did you happen to use my name instead of telling her your name?'
My friend's face must have turned beet red as he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm
sorry, buddy; I'm afraid I did.' Why do you ask?'
'Well I just wanted to thank you for my good fortune, you see the lady
just died and left the place and everything else to me.'
-<>-
.--""--.___.._
( <__> ) `-.
|`--..--'| <|
| :| /
| :|--""-./
`.__ __;' o!O
""
>WHITE LIE CAKE
Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this, especially
all| of those who bake for church events.
Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies'
Group in Tuscaloosa, but forgot to do it until the last minute. She
remembered the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through
cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying
her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack for Scout camp.
When Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and
the cake was horribly disfigured. She thought, "Oh dear, there is not
time to bake another cake."
This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in
at her new church and in her new community of friends. So, being
inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the
center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet
paper. She plunked it in and covered it with icing. Not only did the
finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect.
Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for
work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and
specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at
9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home. When Amanda arrived at the
sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold.
She grabbed her cell phone and called her mom.
Alice was horrified - she was beside herself. Everyone would know!
What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, and
ridiculed! All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people
pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.
The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think
about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the
home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time. Alice
did not want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once
had looked down her nose at Alice because she was a single parent and
not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa but, having already RSVP'd,
she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home.
The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old
South and, to Alice's horror, the cake in question was presented for
dessert! Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the
cake! She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it,
but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a
beautiful cake!"
Alice still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess
(who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself."
Alice smiled and thought to herself, "God is good.”
-<>-
_,
`(. )- `` )/,
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|(_/ ) (/ ( \
'_/\ \ \ ^\ /\
\__/ \______|<-_\
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/ \_ / '\/\
| / ,
| | |
| | |
>The love story of Ralph and Edna
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't
mean they don't love you with all they have. Ralph and Edna were both
patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the
hospital swimming pool. Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He
sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled
him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act
she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she
now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news
and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were
able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the
life of the person you love. I have concluded that y our act displays
sound- mindedness. The bad news is; Ralph hung himself in the bathroom
with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, but
he's dead.'
Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry. How soon
can I go home?'
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit
God's Night Lights
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/night.html
Paper Sculpture Art
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/paper.html
Want-A-Be
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/want.html
I Am Who I Am
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/Iam.html
You Are The Only You God Has!
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/onlyyougodhas.html
I Believe...
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/believe.html
From Russia With Love
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teardrop.html
Heroes Truck
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/herotruck.html
Who Is WE?
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoiswe.html
Feather Painting 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/feather2.html
Telephone Sheep Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/phonesheep.html
Amazing Dog Houses 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses2.html
Extreme Poodle Makeover
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poodlemakeover.html
MacGyver - How To Do It 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver2.html
Montreal Gardens
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/montreal.html
-<>-
>From Our Friend Brenda :)
She sent us one we have here...
One Of Those Days!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/days.html
---
...TeeHee! A good reminder! Thanks Brenda!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Geniann :)
Kaleidoscope - nice and slow!
http://inoyan.narod.ru/kaleidoskop.swf
---
...a great reminder of our youth! Thanks Geniann!
How Spain Gets Rid of their stupid ones
http://www.youtube.com/embed/2h-WhhqFjv4?feature=player_%20detailpage
---
...LOL! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
>From Our Friend Melody :)
Chinese girl with no fingers on one hand wows on piano
http://tinyurl.com/69gjjmh
Graduation Cake Mistake Simply Purr-fect [Video]
http://tinyurl.com/m8kjhse
How the border between India and Pakistan is closed, every day
http://www.wimp.com/indiapakistan/
---
...Amazing! Thanks Melody!
=========================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"A new study found that women think men holding a guitar are
more attractive, even if they are not playing it. In a related
story, guys with an accordion will die alone." -Jimmy Fallon
"NASA is taking applications for people who want to live on
Mars. Now here are the requirements: You have to be between
the ages of 18 and 40 and insane." -David Letterman
"Giant African land snails have been found in Florida and
Texas. If you're in Houston and you see a giant snail coming
toward you, walk slowly for your life." -Jimmy Kimmel
"A new study found that the way someone sneezes can say a
lot about a person. For example, if they hold their sneeze
in, they're humble. If they cover it, they're respectful.
And if they just sneeze into the air, they're standing next
to you on the subway." -Jimmy Fallon
"There is a big movie out today: 'The Great Gatsby.' They
should have jazzed up the movie's title. They should have
called it something like '2 Fast 2 Gatsby.'" -Craig Ferguson
"The Statue of Liberty is reopening on July 4. It has been
closed since last year. What happened was she went in for
lap band surgery." -David Letterman
"A Texas man has fired the first-ever gun created by a 3-D
printer. Which raises the question: Don't you think a gun
created by a printer would jam?" -Conan O'Brien
"The stock market is at an all-time high. People at home are
saying, 'That would be great if I had a job.'" -Dave Letterman
"A new study found that certain fish use sign language to
communicate. Apparently they have a sign for everything -
except for 'big metal hook.'" -Jimmy Fallon
Patience Is Idling Your Motor When
You Really Feel Like Strippin' Your Gears -- Irish
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->BECOMING A CHRISTIAN
HOW TO BE A CHRISTIAN!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
Share
A Recipe
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