Words Of Wisdom, Church Humor And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ _ _|_|_ ,|_| |_|_ || | | |_| || | | | | || | | | | _|| | | | | ||)\ ^ ^ ^ | || | | || | | || | | \\ | \\ / ejm )\ ( / \ \ / \ \ \ \ *~* May God bless and comfort all those affected by the recent murders of our nations best - police officers - in Baton Rouge on Sunday in the name of Jesus Christ our beloved Lord. http://tinyurl.com/hvyj7qe , __ _.-"` `'-. /||\'._ __{}_( |||| |'--.__\ | L.( ^_\^ \ .-' | _ | | | )\___/ | \-'`:._] jgs \__/; '-. >What is the Law Enforcement Oath of Honor? Police officers take risks and suffer inconveniences to protect the lives, defend civil liberties, secure the safety of fellow citizens, and they endure such risks and tolerate such inconveniences on behalf of strangers. Consequently, police work is one of the more noble and selfless occupations in society. Making a difference in the quality of life is an opportunity that policing provides, and few other professions can offer. A public affirmation of adhering to an Oath of Honor is a powerful vehicle demonstrating ethical standards. To be successful at enhancing integrity within an organization, leaders must ensure the oath is recited frequently and displayed throughout the organization as well as ensuring ethical mentoring and role modeling are consistent, frequent and visible. The following Law Enforcement Oath of Honor is recommended as by the International Association of Chiefs of Police as symbolic statement of commitment to ethical behavior: On my honor, I will never betray my badge, my integrity, my character, or the public trust. I will always have the courage to hold myself and others accountable for our actions. I will always uphold the constitution my community and the agency I serve. Before any officer takes the Law Enforcement Oath of Honor, it is important that he/she understands what it means. An oath is a solemn pledge someone makes when he/she sincerely intends to do what he/she says. Honor means that one's word is given as a guarantee. Betray is defined as breaking faith with the public trust. Badge is the symbol of your office. Integrity is being the same person in both private and public life. Character means the qualities that distinguish an individual. Public trust is a charge of duty imposed in faith toward those you serve. Courage is having the strength to withstand unethical pressure, fear or danger. Accountability means that you are answerable and responsible to your oath of office. Community is the jurisdiction and citizens served. Read More here: http://www.iacp.org/What-is-the-Law-Enforcement-Oath-of-Honor To target these individuals who have sworn to serve and protect all citizens not only as their 24/7 job but as their duty is reprehensible and is on the highest level of evil. It is unfathomable and beyond comprehension. Taking 'biting the hand' to the ultimate degree! You can safely assert that the devil is behind this as he is with all crimes of hate. Only God himself can turn something good out of these horrendous acts! Jeanine Pirro: I'm afraid cop killing is becoming normalized http://tinyurl.com/hblxlcy -<>- >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle new page is from our friends Linda, Bunni and Geniann. It is sure to spark your interest and may even surprise and delight you! Check it out here: ________________________ |\______________________/| || || || _ _ _ || || '_) '_) __ ' ) || || ,_) >< ,_) -- | || || ' || || _____ || ||_______________#####__|| jgs |/______________________\| Old 1917 Chalkboards http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blackboards.html --- ...What a historical treasure they discovered! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: A _,-' `-._ _-'_________`-_ ``---\_ _/---`` (_ - _) \_._/ 8 __H__ 8 \ | / 8 |\ | /| 8 _|_|||_|_8 `-,/ \,-'8. | | `8< | | |-,-| gnv'-'-' >Words of Wisdom Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand. I am in shape. Round is a shape. Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark; Professionals built the Titanic. Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand. Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there. Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true. There will always be death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year. In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday. I am a nutritional overachiever. I am having an out of money experience. I plan on living forever. So far, so good. Practice safe eating — always use condiments. A day without sunshine is like night. If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws. It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions. The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever. Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone. Life not only begins at forty, it also begins to show. You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ July 18 is National Caviar Day July 19 is National Raspberry Cake Day July 20 is National Lollipop Day, Moon Day and Ugly Truck Day July 21 is National Junk Food Day July 22 is Hammock Day and Ratcatcher's Day July 23 is National Hot Dog Day and Vanilla Ice Cream Day July 24 is Amelia Earhart Day, Cousins Day and Parent's Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: ____ _ /////|\\ ``````\\\ `/` ))) \`, ((( `--- ,\\\ ,---/ )),))) / , `(( ((( `--. ) `__)) ________ | | ,-./\ \ _,-' \ \__,-. \ \,-' /`.__,-'_,-\ `-. / \____`--'____________ | \ Starshine >The "Talk" Before my daughter went on her first date, I gave her "the talk." "Sometimes, it's easy to get carried away when you are with a boy," I said. "Remember, a short moment of indiscretion could ruin your life." "Don't worry," she said. "I don't plan on ruining my life until I get married." -<>- >Two Questions When eighty-four-year-old William fell in love with his eighty-three-year-old neighbor Phyllis, he thought his heart would burst with joy. However, little did he know that it was another part of his body that would give way first. Getting down on his knees to propose to Phyllis, he told her that he wanted to ask her two questions. Firstly, would she marry him? "Oh yes," she replied. "But what's your second question" "Will you help me up?" -<>- >Gambling When I go to casinos, the most ridiculous sign I see is the one that says: "If you have a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMBLER." So, I call them and say, "I have an ace and a six. The dealer has a seven. What do I do?" -<>- >Noon Errands As a busy working mom, I try to pack in as many errands on my lunch break as possible. One noontime I raced to get a chest X-ray at the hospital, then went to the cleaners and finally, the supermarket. When I returned to the office, I noticed strange looks from my co-workers. Eventually one of them inquired what I did during lunch and after explaining the hectic hour, I asked, "Why do you want to know?" "Well," he said, "your blouse is inside out." -<>- >In History? Even though she's been teaching English for 25 years, my mother never felt her age was an issue, until the day she helped a student with a report on the Vietnam War. Mom recognized the name of a war correspondent mentioned in the textbook and blurted, "I used to go out with him!" Peering up from his work, another wide-eyed student asked, "You dated someone from our history book?" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseA :) / .- __ |/,-'` `-.\ _.-'''-._ \\ .--. _.;.--._.--.;._ _\\/_`~\\ _ .-. .` /( / \ )\ `|. \\ |--' | \ | | ; '-' '-' ; |~~~~~| _\ \| |__ | (_) | | '__|_ (_` _)| . . | |. (__ \ `', |` | `-.___.-' | | (__ | | | ; | : | ; | '(___ | | | \ | : | / | . | | | \____'._| : |_.'___;====| | \ | : | / jgs '------. '._.' .---------'` | | | . ~ . | | | | | |____.____| /===========\ ;:. | .::. ; |:' |_'::' | | .:. | | |__':'_|___.::| [______I______] | | | (_ | _) | | | _|___|___|_ .-//\\--|||--//\\-. (_||__\\//|\\//__||_) `"""""""""`"""""""""` >SMILES A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of the hectic schedules, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile somewhere in Houston a widow had just returning home from her Husband’s funeral. He was a minister who had a heart attack and died. The widow decided to check her email, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow’s son rushed into the room and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Subject: I’ve Arrived Date: October 6th I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S Sure is freaking hot down here! ------- Sitting behind a couple of nuns at a baseball game (with their habits partially blocking the view), three men decided to badger the nuns in an effort to get them to move. In a very loud voice, the first guy commented, "I think I'm going to move to Utah; there are only a hundred nuns living there." The second guy spoke up and said, "I want to go to Montana; there are only fifty nuns living there." The third guy also got in on it. "I want to go to Idaho; there are only 25 nuns living there." One of the nuns turned around, looked at the men, and in a very sweet calm voice, she advised, "Why don't you go to Hell? There aren't ANY nuns living there! -------- In a fancy Paris restaurant, there is a magical wish-granting mirror. But it only grants wishes if you tell the truth -- if you lie, you disappear. One day, a blonde, a brunette and a redhead enter the restaurant and decide to try out the mirror. The brunette goes first. "I think I'm the smartest woman on earth." *POOF!* She disappears. The redhead goes up to try her luck.. "I think I'm the prettiest woman on earth." *POOF!*) She disappears. The blonde goes up. "I think--" *POOF!* She disappears! ------- >23 Adult Truths Some of you are to young to really appreciate this but let me tell you most of it does happen. And the last little story should give you pause for thought at any age. 1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the hey are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay. 17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option. 18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger. 19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said? 20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters! 21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever. 22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time. 23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important. Life just gets better as you get older doesn't it? I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to fart. The place was packed but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod .... and how was your day? This is what happens when old people start using technology! --- ...LMAO! Good ones! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) __------__ /~ ~\ | //^\\//^\| /~~\ || o| |o|:~\ | |6 ||___|_|_||:| \__. / o \/' | ( O ) /~~~~\ `\ \ / | |~~\ | ) ~------~`\ /' | | | / ____ /~~~)\ (_/' | | | /' | ( | | | | \ / __)/ \ \ \ \ \/ /' \ `\ \ \|\ / | |\___| \ | \____/ | | /^~> \ _/ < | | \ \ | | \ \ \ -^-\ \ | ) `\_______/^\______/ unknown >Jokes A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?" "Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?" "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back that have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble" "I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of? San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. "What are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take the chimpanzees to the zoo!" "Yes, I know you did," said the blonde. "But we had money left over so now we're going to Sea World." You know you will forward this. -<>- Who says building a border wall won't work? The Chinese built one over 2,000 years ago and they still don't have any Mexicans. NEVER FORGET THE THREE POWERFUL RESOURCES LOVE---- PRAYER--- AND FORGIVENESS?? --- ...HaHa! Thanks Linda! AND Always remember - Pure Hate is ONLY of the devil just as Pure Love is ONLY of God! ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: >From BizarreNews: Firefighters in Tennessee say a local woman caused a fire after attempting to barbecue a brisket in her bathtub. Knoxville Fire Department Captain DJ Corcoran said that firefighters found a woman fanning flames from her apartment and said there was a fire in her bathroom. Corcoran said the woman attempted to cook brisket over an open flame in her bathtub and called the incident "a first in our books." Fire crews reported that the woman lit a wood-burning grill inside her bathtub and placed meat on a wire rack across the rim before the heat melted through the tub's fiberglass exterior. "The tub and the brisket were a total loss," Corcoran said. The apartment below suffered minor water damage as a result of the incident. Corcoran noted that 50 percent of residential fires occur as a result of cooking related incidents. "With that said, most all of those documented fires are in the kitchen," Corcoran said. -<>- A new phenomenon has sprung up, apparently overnight. It is a game called Pokemon Go, and I swear I was cruising around the news sites just yesterday and didn't see a thing about it, but today I saw no less than six stories! In simple terms, Pokemon Go uses your phone's GPS and clock to detect where and when you are in the game and make Pokemon 'appear' around you (on your phone screen) so you can go and catch them. As you move around, different and more types of Pokemon will appear depending on where you are and what time it is. The idea is to encourage you to travel around the real world to catch Pokemon in the game. An interesting idea, mixing the real world and a game world, but I think anybody can see the inherent danger in this. People texting on their phones are a public menace as it is, but millions of people wandering around following imaginary monsters on their phones is a recipe for disaster. I thought for sure the first victim of this craze was going to be some stupid kid wandering out into traffic after a Bulbasaur or a Squirtle (I had to look those names up), but I underestimated American ingenuity. Armed robbers used the game to lure victims to an isolated trap in Missouri, police reported on Sunday. At about 2am officers responded to a robbery report that led them to four people, all local residents aged 16 to 18, in a black BMW in a CVS parking lot. The occupants tried to discard a handgun out of the car when an officer approached, said Sgt Bill Stringer. The officer then identified the four people as suspects of similar armed robberies described in St Louis and St Charles counties. The police believe the suspects used the phone app, which directs users to capture imaginary creatures superimposed onto the real world, to tempt players into secluded areas where they could be easily robbed. At a certain level in the game, he noted, players can congregate at local land- marks to join teams and battle. "Using the geolocation feature," Stringer said, "the robbers were able to anticipate the location and level of seclusion of unwitting victims." The police added a warning, however. "If you use this app or have children that do we ask you to please use caution when alerting strangers of your future location." The adult suspects were charged with first degree robbery, a felony, and had bond set at $100,000 cash. *------------ In a Related Story... ------------* The U.S. Holocaust Museum is telling visitors to stop playing the wildly popular Pokemon Go game. "Playing the game is not appropriate in the museum, which is a memorial to the victims of Nazism," Andrew Hollinger, a museum spokesman, said. "We are trying to find out if we can get the museum excluded from the game." The museum is one of many cultural landmarks labeled as a 'PokeStop' where players can score free in-game items. The Holocaust Museum is tagged with three separate PokeStop locations on its premises. The designation is distracting visitors from the museum's focus, the newspaper added, which is Nazi Germany's slaughter of about 6 million Jews. *-- Two Men Fall Off Cliff Playing Pokemon Go --* Two men who fell from a seaside cliff north of San Diego told authorities they became distracted while playing augmented reality game Pokemon Go. Encinitas fire Battalion Chief Robbie Ford said one of the men fell about 50 feet down the bluff in Encinitas while the other man fell about 80 to 90 feet to the beach below. Ford said the man who fell to the beach told San Diego County sheriff's deputies he and the other man had been playing smartphone game Pokemon Go, which sends players to real-world locations to capture digital monsters. The man who fell 50 feet down the bluff was rescued by firefighters using ropes and harnesses, Ford said. Sgt. Rich Eaton of the San Diego County Sheriff's Department agreed players of the game should steer clear of dangerous areas. "I think people just need to realize this is a game," Eaton told the Los Angeles Times. "It's not worth your life. No game is worth your life." *-- Couple Wed on World's Tallest Roller Coaster --* A couple who spent their first date at a North Carolina amusement park held their wedding in a sentimental location -- one of the world's fastest roller coasters. James Music and Cortni Bryant said they rode the Fury 325 roller coaster at Carowinds more than a dozen times on their first date in spring of 2015, so they decided the ride was the perfect place to hold their nuptials. The couple said -- or, rather, screamed -- "I do" just before the coaster's big drop, and exited the ride to cheers from friends, family and onlookers. Fury 325, which opened last spring, is the world's tallest and fastest giga-style coaster, standing 325 feet tall and reaching speeds of 95 mph. "I've never been so happy in my entire life," the newly-minted Mrs. Music said. "It's been a long time coming and to have it done exactly like we imagined and then it's so much more. It's like a dream come true honestly. It's perfect. I was extremely nervous, but what bride isn't?" Minister Robert Hamilton delivered an appropriate intro- duction James Music wrote before the ceremony. "Love has its ups and downs, its turns and plunges, but that only makes it stronger," Hamilton said. *--------------- Cheetah Paw Wins ---------------* It seems like criminals are hardly trying anymore. A young girl in Southern California managed to fight off a potential kidnapper in her home by using a Kung Fu move. Police said that the man broke through the window at the 8-year-old girl's home in El Cajon. He then went upstairs to grab her and attempted to drag her down the stairs before she managed to use a Kung Fu pressure move on his neck to escape. "I didn't even know. I laid asleep while all this was happening," the girl's mother told local news. The said she recently learned the move, which she called "the Cheetah Paw" at her Kung Fu class and decided to use it, "Because it hurt him." Police used a K-9 to search for the home invader, who the girl said "smelled like garbage," but were unable to find him. ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ##, ,## '##, ,##' '## ##' ## __, ## ## __.-' \ ## ## ___.-'__.--'\ | ##, ## .-' .-, ( | | _ '## ##/ / /""=\ \ | | / \ ##, '#| |_\ / / | | / \ '## / `-` 0 0 '-'`\ | | | | \ ,## \_, (__) ,_/ / / | \ \ ##' / / \ \\ / / | |\ \ ## __ | /`.__.-'-._)|/ / | | \ \##`__) \ ^ / / | | | v## '--. '._ '-'_.' / _.----. | | l ,## (_,' '##'-, ` `"""/ `'/| | / ,##--, ) '#/` ` ' |' ##' `" | /\_/#' jgs | __. .-,_.;###` _|___/_..---'''` _/ (###' .-'` ____,...---""``` `._ ( --'' __,.,---. ',_) `.,___,..---'`` / / \ '._ | | ( ( `. '-._) | / \ \ \'-._) | | \ \ `"` | | \ \ | | .-, ) | | | ( ( / / | | \ '---' / / \ `-----` | , / |(_/\-, \ ,_`) `-._) The party's host paid me a great compliment. "You are a good-looking woman," he said. "Honest--I've had only one beer." My glow was only slightly dimmed when my husband interjected, "Imagine how great she'll look after two." -<>- I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight. "Was anything wrong with them?" the clerk asked. "Yes," I said. "They hurt my feelings." -<>- While standing watch in the Coast Guard station in Juneau, Alaska, I got a call from the Navy in the nearby city of Adak. They had lost contact with one of their planes and needed the Coast Guard to send an aircraft to find it. I asked the man where the Navy aircraft had last been spotted so we would know where to search. "I can't tell you," the Navy man said. "That's classified." -<>- A young college girl came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried. "I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds'." -<>- With some misgivings, we left a young baby-sitter in charge of our three energetic youngsters. When we returned a few, hours later, she was sitting alone watching TV. I went to check on the children, and found them in our narrow hallway. By bracing their arms and legs against the walls, two of them had climbed up to the ceiling. "The baby-sitter taught us how," they said gleefully. The sitter joined me, her face a deep red. "Since they had me climbing the walls, I figured they might as well be too," she stammered. -<>- My uncle was giving me the grand tour of his house. The bath- rooms had excessively mirrored walls but his wife preferred not to look at herself in such a compromising position. She even went so far as to place a "modesty plant" so that it obscured the view. Now I don't think there is anything wrong with mirrored walls in the bathroom. I told my uncle: "You should be able to sit and reflect" ========================================================= >-->More From Our Friend Linda :) ,,,,, \ e e\ C _\/ |\\, )\_) \_ / _/|/_ _// ,'\ ~ /'-,_/ \ / \_/ / / , | \_._,-" ( < _' | \ \ ', -',-~.-' _/ ) | |// | ' ' ) | | | | ._., - |.,_ // _\-' )___|__|_ '-._ b'ger /____\__\ >Never mess with the elderly! An elderly couple (Ben & Janice) returned to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde. "I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $75,000 asking price," said the man. "Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $65,000 to that lovely young lady there. You insisted there could be no discount on this model." "Well, what can I tell you? She had the ready cash and, just look at her, how could I resist?" replied the grinning salesman. Just then the young woman approached the aged couple and gave them the keys. "There you go," she said. "I told you I would get the moron to reduce the price. See you later, grandpa.” Never mess with the elderly! -<>- >Golf A woman was playing golf when she took a big swing and fell. The party waiting behind her was a group from Washington, DC, that included Barack Obama. Obama quickly stepped forward and helped her to her feet. She thanked him and started to leave, when he said, "I'm Barack Obama and I hope you'll vote Democratic in the next election. She laughed and quickly said, "I fell on my backside, not my head!" -<>- _|_ | / \ //_\\ //(_)\\ |/^\| ,%%%% // \\ ,@@@@@@@, ,%%%%/%%% // \\ ,@@@\@@@@/@@, @@@%%%\%%//%%%// === \\ @@\@@@/@@@@@ @@@@%%%%\%%%%%// =-=-= \\@@@@\@@@@@@;%#####, @@@@%%%\%%/%%// === \\@@@@@@/@@@%%%######, @@@@@%%%%/%%//| |\\@\\//@@%%%%%%#/#### '@@@@@%%\\/%~ | | ~ @|| %\\//%%%#####; @@\\//@|| | __ __ | || %%||%%'###### '@|| || | | | | | || ||##\//#### || || | | -|- | | || ||'#||###' || || |_|__|__|_| || || || || ||_/` ======= `\__||_._|| || jgs__||_/` ======= `\_||___ >Church Humor Why Go to Church? One Sunday morning, a mother went in to wake her son and tell him it was time to get ready for church, to which he replied, "I'm not going." "Why not?" she asked. "I'll give you two good reasons," he said. "One, they don't like me, and two, I don't like them." His mother replied, "I'll give you two good reasons why you SHOULD go to church: One, you're 59 years old, and two you're the pastor!" The Picnic A Jewish Rabbi and a Catholic Priest met at the town's annual 4th of July picnic. Old friends, they began their usual banter. "This baked ham is really delicious," the priest teased the rabbi. "You really ought to try it. I know it's against your religion, but I can't understand why such a wonderful food should be forbidden! You don't know what you're missing. You just haven't lived until you've tried Mrs. Hall's prized Virginia Baked Ham. Tell me, Rabbi, when are you going to break down and try it?" The rabbi looked at the priest with a big grin, and said, "At your wedding." The Usher An elderly woman walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. "Where would you like to sit?" he asked politely. "The front row, please," she answered. "You really don't want to do that," the usher said. "The pastor is really boring." "Do you happen to know who I am?" the woman inquired. "No," he said. "I'm the pastor's mother," she replied indignantly. "Do you know who I am?" he asked. "No," she said. "Good," he answered. Show and Tell A kindergarten teacher gave her class a "show and tell" assignment. Each student was instructed to bring in an object that represented their religion to share with the class. The first student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Benjamin and I am Jewish and this is a Star of David." The second student got up in front of the class and said, "My name is Mary. I'm a Catholic and this is a Rosary." The third student got in up front of the class and said, "My name is Tommy. I am Lutheran and this is a casserole." The Best Way to Pray A priest, a minister and a guru sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby "Kneeling is definitely the best way to pray," the priest said. "No," said the minister. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the guru said. "The most effective prayer position is lying down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted. "The best prayin' I ever did was when I was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole." The Twenty and the One A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty- dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation. The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country. "I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. "Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York , performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean." "Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!" "So, tell me," says the twenty, "where have you been throughout your lifetime?" The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church ." The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?" Goat for Dinner The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.'" --- ...TeeHee! Thanks Linda! ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Trucks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trucks.html Last Shot!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lastshot.html Big Boy Toys!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigboytoys.html Jobs That Suck!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jobs.html Road Train Trucks!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/roadtrain.html Amazing Athlete Homes!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/athletehomes.html Garbage Truck Camper!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/garbage.html MacGyver - How To Do It 4!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver4.html Life's Little Oops 9!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops9.html Light Bulb Illusion Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lightbulbart.html Amazing Horse Trainer!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/horsetrainer.html Old Trains And Cars!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trainsandcars.html -<>- >From Carmen: FREE CONCERT IN YOUR CHURCH - BOOKING NOW: http://tinyurl.com/hxdocd4 -<>- >From Franklin Graham America is in desperate need of our prayers. Join Franklin Graham Before the Republican National Convention opens, I want to pray with you and Christians across the country. We will pray together that God will bring peace and reconciliation. We need to ask God to touch the hearts of our politicians and turn their eyes toward Him and His laws. http://tinyurl.com/jocb8re -<>- >From Our Friend MohB :) ISIS. Syria. Dallas. Brexit. There seems to be so much bad stuff going on in the world right now that it's easy to forget that awesome things also happen every day on this planet of ours. Incredible show of love by boy, 8, who completes triathlon carrying his little brother, 6, with rare neurological condition http://tinyurl.com/kbzlfqn --- ...Sweet! Thanks MohB! -<>- >From Our Friend Linda :) She sent us ones we have here... Did you see that? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seethat.html Humorous Signs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hsigns.html Mug Shots http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mugshots.html WOW! Scares me watching let alone riding the bike! https://www.youtube.com/embed/GL0rbxB9Lqg?feature=player_embedded%22 --- ...Wowsers! Thanks Linda! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Expedia released their rankings of the most annoying drivers in America. For the 15th year in a row, the most annoying driver on the road is every driver but you. The survey says the least popular passengers are backseat drivers. I would have said carjackers." -Jimmy Kimmel "A restaurant in China forces customers to solve complex math problems before they can order their meal. The restaurant has no plans to expand to the United States." -Conan O'Brien "New documents reveal that when Vincent Van Gogh cut off his ear, the woman he sent it to was a cleaner, not a prostitute as previously thought. You know, because otherwise it would have been weird." -Jimmy Fallon "A federal court just ruled that sharing your Netflix password is now a federal crime. So if you've been looking for a way to send your parents to prison, here's your chance." -Jimmy Fallon "A South Carolina elementary school's lunch program has added a food truck that serves the kids buffalo wings, tacos, and mac-and-cheese. It's all in keeping with the school's motto: 'It's Never Too Early To Give Up.'" -Conan O'Brien "China is now expected to surpass Japan as the 2nd richest country in the world. They could become the richest, but that's only if we pay them the money we owe them, and that's not going to happen." -Seth Meyers "A gossip is one who talks to you about others, a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself." -Lisa Kirk "Whenever I dwell for any length of time on my own short- comings, they gradually begin to seem mild, harmless, rather engaging little things, not at all like the staring defects in other people's characters." --Margaret Halsey "Since childhood is a time when kids prepare to be grown ups, I think it makes a lot of sense to completely traumatize your children. Gets 'em ready for the real world." -George Carlin >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :) Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? 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