Worst Halloween Treats And More ... :) Shangy!
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you will have to confirm that you are an adult
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================
>Hot Off The 'Shangy' Press...
This hottie comes from two of our friends Sandi and BEELER.
I'd been meaning to do this up from Sandi and when I got
the one from BEELER, it pretty much cinched the deal. Father
has a way of making things work out beautifully!
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Up Close And Personal 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/personal2.html
---
...Thank You Sandi and Dan! A really super page!
===============================================================
>-->From TheFunnyBone:
___ .-""-.
/ '''---...-'.' `\\
jgs \___...---"""-._-.__// Fixin To Make The Fixins...
'---'
If I where a maniac, I would drive a Cadillac. But at least I would
not be a hypochondriac, even if I was on prozac. If I was fixing to
make the biscuits I would first get the biscuit mixes. Then I would
make the biscuit fixins I was fixin to get the biscuit mixes. But I
saw two stixes so I used the stixes to mix the mixes together to
make the biscuit fixins. But then suddenly Mr Nicks started to help
me with the biscuit fixins. Then I asked Mr Nicks if we needed more
mix in the biscuit mix to make more fixins?
Mr nicks said no I don't think we need more
mix in this biscuit mix because we are (
fixin to really start mixing the mix ) )
because you know when you are fixin to _.(--"("""--.._
mix the mix. You need to mix the mix /, _..-----).._,\
real fast so when you mix the mix fast | `'''-----'''` |
the mix gets bigger so you can make \ /
more fixins. But at this point we are '. .'
only just fixin to make the fixins. jgs '--.....--'
=================================================================
+---------- Still More Bizarre October Holidays -----------+
October 26 is Mule Day
October 27 is Sylvia Plath Day
October 28 is Plush Animal Lover's Day and National
Chocolate Day
October 29 is Hermit Day
October 30 is National Candy Corn Day
October 31 is National Magic Day and Increase Your Psychic
Powers Day
===============================================================
>-->From SermondFodder:
.-. .-.
.--' / \ '--.
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\ \ .-" "-. / /
\ \ / \ / /
\ / \ /
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|/ \__/ \__/ \|
/ /^\ \ JUST SAY NO!
\__ '=' __/
|\ /|
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\ `"""""""` /
`-._____.-'
jgs / / \ \
/ / \ \
/ / \ \
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>Top 11 Worst Halloween Treats
Please keep mind of the following as you prepare to shop for
Halloween or Hallween Alternative Event treats.
The dreaded, "worst Halloween treat ever" – is clearly a matter of
natural selection. The candy that takes up residence at the bottom
of your bag (while appreciated) is the worst Halloween Treat and
will likely be re-gifted next year. Here are the top 11 worst
Halloween treats:
11. Coins
'Coins aren't candy', you say. I know! On Halloween, you don't dress up
and walk 10 miles (or a few blocks) for dirty change. Coins don't give
you a sugar rush; they don't melt in your mouth or stain your tongue
blue. By these criteria: coins are absolutely the worst Halloween candy
ever.
---
...Wow, when I was a kid, coins were the best - a quarter got you
25 pieces of candy at the store! So ALL the kids hit the house that
was out of candy giving 'money'! The HOTest place on the block! Boy
just shows ya how times change.
10. Mary Janes
Sorry, retro candy lovers. I love peanut butter and I love molasses, but
together there's no magic. No surprises, no contrast of flavors or
textures, except of course when the wax paper clings to the candy.
9. Candy Corn
Sure, some delusional people believe candy corn is tasty. It's alright.
Candy corn is not on this list because of its waxy texture, it's here
because many parents won't let their kids eat unwrapped Halloween candy.
What good is free candy if you're not allowed to enjoy it? This is a
trick more than a treat.
8. Candy Buttons on Paper
Scrape off colorful droplets of icing from long rolls of paper with your
teeth and then explain why this is a good idea. And how does that soggy,
stained paper manage to always avoid the trash can?
7. Necco Wafers
Do children really eat these slivers of grainy sugar? You get about 50
in a single package and they come in different colors, but so do crayons
and I'm not eating those.
6. Random Hard Candies with Gooey Insides
One day, long ago, there was a candy maker who made millions of hard
candies shaped like strawberries and root beer barrels. Then he went
into the sky in his hot air balloon and sprinkled these candies all over
the world. Nobody knows what to do with these. I suspect the candy man
stopped making these years ago and the same hard candies get recycled
into the Halloween bowl every year. Stop this madness!
5. Circus Peanuts
Bits of circus peanuts over cereal may have inspired the creation of
Lucky Charms cereal, but circus peanuts themselves are disappointing.
There is a charm to their mysterious appearance in every Halloween candy
bag for the past two-hundred years, but must they taste like bland
Styrofoam?
4. Dubble Bubble
Rock hard plain gum is never ever yum. I'll be happy to demonstrate why:
give me an hour to break my teeth chewing it only to blow a pitiful puff
of a `bubble'.
3. Bit-o-Honey
If you manage to pry this sticky, honey-flavored taffy from the 50-year
old wrapper, you're rewarded with a mouthful of stubborn pieces stuck to
your teeth all night.
2. Mini Tooth Brush
Adults may appreciate the thoughtfulness, but kids feel jipped when they
get mini tooth brushes for Halloween. I have never heard a single child
shout, "Hooray! I can clean my teeth with this brand new mini tooth
brush. And it's mine. All mine. Ha ha ha [evil and joyful laugh]."
And the number 1 all time worst Halloween Treat.....
1. Rasins
In or out of those little boxes, this one is Self Explanatory.
Your neighbors don't have to open their doors and offer anything on
Halloween. In the spirit of dressing up and getting free candy: smile
and thank them, even if they drop a rotten apple in your bag.
===
Adapted from
http://www.catalogs.com/info/bestof/top-10-worst-halloween-treats.
Contributed by Aurora LaJambre, Catalogs.com Info Guru.
===================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Wesley :)
.---.
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>Grandma's
In the not too distant past--
I remember very well--
Grandmas tended to their knitting
And their cookies were just swell.
They were always at the ready
When you needed some advice
And their sewing (I can tell you)
Was available--and nice.
Well Grandma's not deserted you,
She dearly loves you still,
You just won't find her cooking
But she's right there at the till.
She thinks about you daily
You haven't been forsook.
Your photos are quite handy
In her Pentium notebook.
She scans your artwork now, though,
And combines it with cool sounds
To make electronic greetings;
She prints pictures by the pounds.
She's right there when you need her
You really aren't alone.
She's out now with her "puter" pals
But she took her new cell phone.
You can also leave a message
On her answering machine
Or page her at the fun meet
She's been there since nine-fifteen.
Yes, the world's a very different place,
There is no doubt of that,
So "E" her from her web page,
Or join her in a chat.
She's joined the electronic age
And it really seems to suit her,
So don't expect the same old gal,
'cause Grandma's gone "Computer."
---
...That's Right! Thanks Wesley!
AND just in case you need proof -
I'm a grandma - Here's my site...
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/
AND one I've long aspired to be as popular as...
http://www.mamarocks.com/
-<>-
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>Dr. Seuss ...
I do not like this Uncle Sam,
I do not like his health care scam..
I do not like these dirty crooks,
or how they lie and cook the books.
I do not like when Congress steals,
I do not like their secret deals.
I do not like this speaker Nan,
I do not like this 'YES, WE CAN'.
I do not like this spending spree---
I'm smart, I know that nothing's free.
I do not like your smug replies,
when I complain about your lies.
I do not like this kind of hope.
I do not like it. nope, nope, nope!
---
...I love this one! Thanks Wesley!
my two cents...
I do not like these nasty men
I do not like them that are a Dem!
They lie and cross their arms
And pass the bills that do us harm!
I do not like these people - NOPE!
Come November they won't get my vote!
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Johanna :)
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Qryz
>WORLD'S SHORTEST BOOKS:
THINGS I DID TO DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE
by Barack Obama
__________________________________
MY BLACK GIRLFRIENDS
by Tiger Woods
__________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda & Cindy Sheehan [And Michael Obama]
Illustrated by Michael Moore
__________________________________
MY CHRISTIAN ACCOMPLISHMENTS
& HOW I HELPED AFTER KATRINA
by Rev Jesse Jackson & Rev Al Sharpton
__________________________________
THINGS I LOVE ABOUT BILL
by Hillary Clinton
__________________________________
Sequel: THINGS I LOVE ABOUT HILLARY
By Bill Clinton
__________________________________
THINGS I CANNOT AFFORD
by Bill Gates
__________________________________
THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY
by Dennis Rodman
_________________________________
THINGS WE KNOW TO BE TRUE
by Al Gore & John Kerry
__________________________________
AMELIA EARHART'S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC
__________________________________
A COLLECTION of MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES
by Dr. J. Kevorkian
__________________________________
TO ALL THE MEN WE HAVE LOVED, BEFORE. . . .
by Ellen de Generes & Rosie O'Donnell
__________________________________
GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE
by Mike Tyson
__________________________________
THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY
__________________________________
MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS
by O. J. Simpson
__________________________________
HOW TO DRINK & DRIVE SAFELY
by Ted Kennedy
__________________________________
BOOK OF MORALS
by Bill Clinton
with an introduction
by the Rev. Jesse Jackson [& Pastor Jeremiah Wright]
*******************************************************
AND, JUST ADDED:
My Complete Knowledge of Military Strategy
by Nancy Pelosi & [Pres. Obama]
---
...LOL! I couldn't help adding my own 2 cents! Thanks Johanna!
-<>-
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^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
>CHECK YOUR MAIL
Just wanted to let you know;
Today I received my 2010 Obama Stimulus Package.
It contained two watermelon seeds, cornbread mix,
and 10 coupons to KFC.
The directions were in Spanish.
Hope you get yours soon.
---
...Man! That sucks! Our KFC just recently went out of business!
LOL! Thank You Johanna!
-<>-
+---\
\ _o/
\ +---/ \
\ \__ |
\ \ \ \|
\ \/ |
\ \ |
ejm97 \ \
>Olympic Gold Medal Forfeited
American skier Lindsey Vonn had to forfeit her Olympic gold medal.
The International Olympic Committee announced
that it has taken back the gold medal previously
awarded to American skier Lindsey Vonn and
have given it to Barack Obama.
Olympic officials said Obama deserved the medal
more than Vonn, because no one has ever gone
downhill faster than he has.
-<>-
Lighten Up
Let It Go
Listen
Laugh Often
\\ /////
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(| _ _ |)
|` | '|
| __ |
>>>___/\_^__/\___<<<
/ ||| \
Mike Hertz
>A Marines Wife Confesses
This came from a Marines wife. It says it all:
I sat, as did millions of other Americans, and watched as
the government under went a peaceful transition of power 2
years ago.. At first, I felt a swell of pride and patriotism
while Barack Obama took his Oath of office.
However, all that pride quickly vanished as I later watched
21 Marines, In full dress uniform with rifles, Fire a 21-gun
salute to the President.
It was then that I realized how far America's military had
deteriorated!
Every one of them missed the bum!
---
...Oh My! HaHa! Thanks Johanna!
-<>-
__
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unknown
>A small cross - A powerful message
What about this idea?
__________________________________________________________
When driving to, from, and through Frankenmuth , Michigan , I'm always
intrigued with the many small simple crosses in the front yards of the
homes we pass by.
Those crosses are a statement of support for Frankenmuth's Christian
foundation.
Two years ago an atheist living there complained about two crosses on a
bridge in town. He requested that they be removed and the town removed
them.
He then decided that, since he was so successful with that, the city
shield should also be changed since it had on it, along with other
symbols, a heart with a cross inside signifying the city's Lutheran
beginnings.
At that point, the residents decided they had had enough. Hundreds of
residents made their opinions known by placing small crosses in their
front yards.
Seeing this quiet but powerful statement from the community, the man
removed his complaint. Those simple crosses remain in those front yards
today.
After passing those crosses for two years, it finally hit me that a
small cross in millions of front yards across our country could provide
a powerful and inspiring message for all Americans passing them every
day.
I think it might be time to take this idea across America . We have an
administration that says "we are not a Christian nation" and everywhere
you look the ACLU and others are trying to remove from our history and
current lives any reference to God, prayer, or the fact that our country
was founded on Judeo-Christian principles.
Our administration can't bring themselves to talk about "radical Muslims
or Islamic terrorists" for fear of offending them, but they can talk
about Americans "clinging to their guns and their religion", or
insinuate that our own military troops coming home from service overseas
might turn into terrorists.
The majority of Americans are Christians, why are we letting this happen
to us?
IT''S TIME TO STAND UP AND MAKE A STATEMENT.
A SMALL QUIET BUT POWERFUL STATEMENT.
IF YOU AGREE, PLACE A SMALL WHITE CROSS IN YOUR FRONT YARD OR GARDEN FOR
ALL TO SEE THAT THEY ARE NOT ALONE.
It would be a beautiful thing to see crosses all across America .
Please pass this along.
Encourage all you know to stand for America 's Judeo-Christian heritage
and our religious freedom.
"IN GOD WE TRUST"
---
...Awesome! Thank You Johanna!
Trouble is, I'd be thinking somebody died in your yard if I saw a
cross there. Trained I suppose. Personally I like the anchor or cross
with anchor symbol.
See this teaching...
Hebrews 6:19
"We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."
Our Valuable Anchor
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/BibleStudy/ouranchor.html
==================================================================
>-->From Our Friend Sandi :)
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jgs\\/;: \'--' `---` `\\//-\\///
>3 Kids Fishing...
Barak Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he
tripped, fell over the bridge railing and landed in the creek below.
Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing
pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids
whatever they wanted.
The first kid said, 'I want to go to Disneyland'
Barak said, 'No problem, I'll take you there on my special airplane.'
The second kid said, 'I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes.'
Barak said, 'I'll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan
sign them!'
The third kid said, 'I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in
TV and stereo headset!'
Barak was a little perplexed by this and said, 'But you don't look like
you're handicapped.'
The kid said, 'I will be after my dad finds out I saved your a@# from
drowning!'
---
...Ha! A good one! Thanks Sandi!
==================================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
[POLITICS]
>Exciting News From The Tea Party Express:
It's my distinct pleasure and honor to invite you to come to one or more
of our fantastic, patriotic rallies for Tea Party Express IV:
Liberty At The Ballot Box national bus tour.
These events are free and will feature Special Guests such as Gov. Sarah
Palin, Newt Gingrich, Sheriff Joe Arpaio and many others - at various
stops along the national tour. Read More Here...
http://tinyurl.com/39d7dgs
Spread the word to your co-workers, family, friends, clubs, Churches,
businesses and bring your kids and grandkids and let them be part of
these historic rallies so one day they can tell THEIR children "they
were part of Restoring America!!"
-<>-
>From Our Friend B.D. :)
ALARMING..
the REPROBATE...HE IS THE ENEMY OF GOD ALMIGHTY...IF HE TRIES ANYTHING
THE LORD WILL INTERVENE AND PROTECT HIS ANCIENT PEOPLE.....THE BLIND ARE
SO BLIND. I HEARD ONCE THAT HE (AHMADIN) IS JEWISH...HE LOOKS TO ME LIKE
A demon PERSONIFIED.....SUCH EGO
.
http://sheikyermami.com/wp-content/uploads/ahmadinejad-chimp11.jpg
HE'LL MONKEY AROUND AND GIVE THE SIGNAL TO BOMB ISRAEL...AND WILL LIVE
TO REGRET IT.
IF ISRAEL IN SELF-DEFENSE DOES THE FIRST BOMB ON IRAN THE WORLD WILL
CONDEMN ISRAEL...WONDER WHAT THEY'D SAY ABOUT THE LITTLE MAN IN IRAN
...IF...HE DID THE FIRST SHOT ?...and TO THINK, ISRAEL IS THE HUB OF
THE NATIONS. WHERE DO YOU STAND PERSONALLY RE ISRAEL AND HER PLACE IN
THIS WORLD? ARE U PRO OR CON ?
http://www.scripturesforamerica.org/html2/jm0066.htm
Ahmadinejad: Israel on Way to ‘Annihilation’
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said during a visit to Lebanon
that Israelis are “the enemies of humanity” and are on their way to
“annihilation.”
Ahmadinejad on Thursday visited the town of Bint Jbeil near the Israeli
border, where Iranian-backed Hezbollah fought battles with Israeli
soldiers in 2006, and told thousands of Hezbollah supporters: “The world
should know the Zionists are mortal. Today the Lebanese nation is alive
and is a role model for regional nations.
“The world should know that Bint Jbeil is proud and will stand against
the enemies till the end.”
Then during a visit to the nearby village of Qana, Ahmadinejad — who
refuses to refer to Israel by name — said: “You are victorious and your
enemies are defeated.
“You will stay and your enemies, who are the enemies of humanity, are on
their way to demise and annihilation. You are honored and your Zionist
enemies are humiliated and weak.”
During his visit to Lebanon, Ahmadinejad met at the Iranian embassy in
Beirut with Hezbollah Secretary General Hassan Nasrallah, who has rarely
emerged from his bunker since the 2006 war in Lebanon, the Israeli
newspaper Haaretz reported.
Nasrallah gave Ahmadinejad a gun he claimed had been taken from Israeli
soldiers during the war.
Israel’s Foreign Ministry said Ahmadinejad was “transforming Lebanon
into a platform for his aggressive plans against Israel.”
---
...Yes B.D., I agree with you, Ahmadinejad is evil. I am pro Israel.
-<>-
>From One Jerusalem
Palestinian Attack In Jerusalem: A friend of One Jerusalem was driving
near the Old City (his young son was in the car) when a group of Arab
youth bombarded the moving car with stones. The driver kept the vehicle
moving and hit one of... (read more)
http://www.onejerusalem.org/2010/10/palestinian-attack-in-jerusale.php
French Foreign Minister Warns Israel: As Israel bends over backward to
please the Obama Administration by participating in negotiations that
can only benefit Israel's enemies, France's Foreign Minister Kouchner
has told an Arab newspaper that if these negotiations do not create a
Palestinian State (with... (read more)
http://www.onejerusalem.org/2010/10/french-foreign-minister-warns.php
-<>-
>From Patriot News:
Obama Praises Islamic Cartoons Aimed at Kids
http://tinyurl.com/2cszeno
ACORN: Still Alive and Ready to Steal the November 2 Elections
http://tinyurl.com/24htw6v
Obama's Half-brother, 52, Marries Teenage Girl
http://tinyurl.com/269ppmw
Election Shocker: Polls move right after we fax voter guides to pastors
http://tinyurl.com/2apfenx
-<>-
>From Taipan Daily:
Taipan Daily: Foreclosuregate Opens Up a Chasm Beneath the Banks
http://tinyurl.com/28efluv
-<>-
>From WorldNet Daily:
Another big talker says: Release birth certificate
One of talk radio's first ladies, Laura Ingraham, believes Barack Obama
was born in the United States and is a legitimate president, but
suggests it wouldn't hurt him to release his original long-form birth
certificate.
That would, she said, be among the documents that should be available to
the American public about their president, arguably the most powerful
man in the world.
Read the latest now on WND.com.
http://tinyurl.com/2bqe29p
PLUS...
Showdown! Opening nationwide in theaters this weekend is a feature film
- "I Want Your Money" - aimed at showingg the stark contrast between
Ronald Reagan's vision for the American future and that of President
Barack Obama.
Click here for details.
http://tinyurl.com/24nm2w4
-<>-
>From BizarreNews:
-- Grandma's ashes mistakenly sold ------------
FORT WALTON BEACH, Fla. - A Florida woman said a potted
violet containing her grandmother's ashes was mistakenly
sold at a yard sale. Piper Gaffrey of Fort Walton Beach
said her husband was running the sale before she arrived
last week and she soon found the potted violet holding
the ashes of her grandmother, Marjorie Potts Gaffrey, who
died in February at age 99, had been sold, the Northwest
Florida Daily News reported Thursday. Gaffery said she
posted a message on her Facebook page asking whoever
purchased the flower to take good care of it and she was
surprised to receive a message in return from the buyer.
"Fortunately, it was (bought by) someone who knew me,"
Gaffrey said. "I was just glad to have her back."
-- Police use stun gun on nude jogger -----------
WEST MELBOURNE, Fla. - Florida police said they used a
stun gun to stop an 18-year-old nude jogger who repeated-
ly refused to halt. West Melbourne police said an officer
responded to a report of a man running nude at about
7 a.m. Monday and spotted Zak Anthony King of Palm Bay,
Fla., running along a street wearing nothing but swimming
goggles, the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported Thursday.
The officer pulled up alongside King and repeatedly told
him to stop but King did not comply, police said. The
arrest report said the officer told King he would use his
stun gun if he did not stop running and King was quoted as
replying, "Why would you Tase me?" However, King did not
stop and the officer used the stun gun to stun King, who
fell to the sidewalk. King received treatment for minor
injuries at a hospital and was given a notice to appear
in court on charges of resisting arrest without violence
and indecent exposure.
-- Teacher's aide sues boy, 11 ----------------
NEW YORK - A New York teacher's aide is suing an 11-year-
old boy, claiming he knocked her down and injured her back
while running for ice cream. Rosanna Tomack, 62, is suing
Joseph Cicack in a New York Supreme Court after an incident
that took place in 2006, when the boy was 8 years old, the
New York Post reported Monday. Edmond Chakmakian, Tomack's
lawyer, said his client required spinal fusion surgery and
has been unable to return to work since Cicack ran into her
and knocked her down at the city's Public School 94. "It's
a legitimate case," Chakmakian told the Post. "It's not
silly." The lawyer said his client is seeking damages from
the insurance policy covering the boy's parents' home.
-- New Zealand town to vote on spelling -----------
WANGANUI, New Zealand - District councilors in Wanganui,
New Zealand, have voted to allow the citizens to decide
whether the city's name should instead be spelled
"Whanganui." The councilors decided Monday to put the
question to voters after the local Geographic Board said
10 days earlier that the current spelling, which omits the
"h," was the result of a mistake 150 years ago, Radio New
Zealand reported. The district council said a historian
will be hired to research the issue and help voters made
an informed choice.
-- Fraudster wears 'money' socks to court ----------
MANCHESTER, England - A British woman convicted of amassing
$88,500 through benefits fraud arrived in court wearing
novelty socks bearing the message: "Show me the money."
Sylvia Rogers, 50, of Manchester, England, said her choice
of socks was a "coincidence" after she admitted to wrongly
claiming $41,000 in welfare benefits, the Daily Mail
reported. "It never came into my head that I had them on,"
she said of her socks. Rogers made her thousands by putting
her welfare money into high-yield accounts, court records
said. Welfare recipients are allowed to save their money
but rules state they are not allowed to have investments
topping $23,500. The woman pleaded guilty to two counts of
fraud. She was given a 6-month suspended jail sentence and
ordered to complete 240 hours of community service.
-- Police prevent pillow fight ----------------
DETROIT - Detroit police foiled plans for an impromptu
pillow fight at Campus Martius Park by confiscating
pillows from the would-be participants. People who showed
up for the Saturday event, one of at least 50 scheduled
around the world using social networking Web sites, said
officers were stationed at the park and confiscated pillows
prior to the brawl's planned 4 p.m. start time, the Detroit
News reported Monday. One attempted pillow fighter said he
was told by an officer that about 5,000 pillows had been
collected as of 4 p.m. Saturday. Detroit Police spokesman
James Tate said the event posed cleanup issues for the
city, as large-scale pillow fights tend to leave large
amounts of feathers behind, and officers were concerned
that some people who didn't want to participate could be
hit by mistake. "They took my pillows but let me keep my
cases," Michael Davis, 32, told the News. "They told me I
needed a permit. I can understand." However, some of those
whose pillows were taken were less understanding, the
newspaper said. "I am furious," said Elida Quesada, 23.
"It (a pillow fight) is so silly and childlike. It would
have been fun. It seems like everything that is fun is
illegal."
===========================================================
>-->From Our Friend John-Paul :)
,
}`-. , ,
\ \ '-' \ .-'{
_} . | ,`\ / ' ; .-;\
{ \ | | / `/ '-.,/ ; |
{ -- -. ' '`-, .--._.' ; \__
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'.' .' ; , |:. `|()##`"""`
jgs `'-../__/_\:: /O()()o
()'._.'`()()'
~ AUTUMN COMING ~
Listen, you can hear it coming,
Wind in tree top loudly strumming,
As, leaves take flight among the humming,
In glorious colors, fill sky, with nature`s dunning.
\o/
Morning, frost, on ground, is plating,
Summer leaving, her time, now fading,
Cooler weather, forester stating,
As Autumn full, impatiently waiting.
\o/
Keeping things in order and in tow,
Wave to Summer , as she prepares to go,
Then steady all, with faces a glow,
As we ready ourselves for coming snow.
\o/
Children laughing, with sleds, come running,
All now ready for snow, that`s coming,
Autumn games, and all that funning,
What a season, and Oh, how Stunning.
~~~~ \o/ ~~~~
AH!, now please let me tell you,
A statement most certianly to be true,
That nothing could be finner,
Than Autumn,
Here in the Beautiful Mountains of Western North Carolina ~
\o/
(Big-Smile)
John-paul
---
...Aww, visions of sweet peace and joy. Nice! Thanks John-Paul!
==============================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
_______
,,--'' ''--,,
,-' '-,
/ \
| |
| |
| |\ /| |
|\ | | \ / | | /|
| \ | | '-, ,-' | | / |
| '-| | '-, ,-' | |-' |
| | \ / | |
| | ,-;;/ \;;-, | |
| ,' \__|;;;/ , , \;;;|__/ ', |
\/ | | \/
/ ,-| |-, \
; \ / ;
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'-,, ' ,,-'
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|\ /|
|( )|
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''-,-''
>Halloween Riddles 10-29-06
Whom did the zombie invite to his party?
Anyone he could dig up.
What did Dr. Frankenstein get when he put his goldfish's brain in the
body of his dog?
I don't know, but it is great at chasing submarines.
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle! (Norman Gilbert)
Why did the vampire joined the police force?
So he could learn the correct way to get a stakeout.
(Gary Hallock)
Why did the witches' team lose the baseball game?
Their bats flew away (Gary Hallock)
What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
A dead ringer.
What do you call two witches living together?
Broommates.
What would you find on a haunted beach?
A sand witch.
Why does the Mummy keep his Band-aids in the refrigerator?
He wants to use them later for cold cuts!
How do ghosts begin letters?
"Tomb it may concern"
What is the best place for a haunted house?
On a dead end street
What did the Mommy Vampire say to the Baby Vampire?
"You are driving me batty."
What does Dracula get when he doesn't brush his teeth
Bat breath.
"I've just killed Dracula," said Tom Swift painstakingly.
(By Richard Lederer and P. C. Swanson)
What is a mummy's favorite type of music?
Wrap!
-<>-
_
(_)
|=|
|=|
/|__|_|__|\
( ( ) )
\|\/\"/\/|/
| Y |
| | |
| | |
_| | |
__/ | | |\
/ \ | | | \
__| | | |
/\/ | | | |\
< +\ | |\ /> \
> + \ | LJ |
+ \|+ \ < \
(O) + | )
| \ /\
( | ) (o) \/ )
_\\|//__( | )______)_/
\\|//
Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a
neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved
by Arthur's youth and ideals.
So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a
very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to determine his
answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put
to death.
The question? What do women really want?
Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable of men, and
to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.
But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's
proposition to have an answer by the year's end.
He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess,
the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with
everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer, not even
a hint.
* xXxx
xXXx *
^^ xxXXx
/\__{^^}__/\ xxXXxx *
/ _ _ \ xxXXxx
\/ \/\ww/\/ \/ xxXXxx {~~~~\
xxxXxx ~\:::~~\
* xxxXxx ~~\:::~\
xxXXxx \::::\
xxXXxxx * }::::}
xxxXxxx }::::}
xxxXXxxx /::::/
* xxxxXXxx /::::/
xxxxXXxx {~~~:::/~
%%xxxxx%% ~~~~~~
%%%%%%%%%
%%%%%%%%%%%
%%%%%%%%%%% *
* %%%%%%%%%%%
xxxxxxxx%%%%%
xxXXXXXXXxxx%%% ^^ *
xxXx/////xxXxxx%% /\__{^^}__/\
xxxxxxxxxXxx////(/xxXxxx% / _ _ \
XXXXXXXxx//(/(((/xxxXxx \/ \/\ww/\/ \/
* xxxx////(/(/(/)\\xXxx
///////(/(/(/\)\\xxxx
/((/(//(/(/((\/\)xXxxx
//(/(/(//(/ \ \)\xxxxx
//((//(/( / \ \\\xxxx *
* (((///(\ \ / )\)\xXxx
/(//((/(\ @ /@ )\\)\xxxx
//(/(///(\::/ \:::)\\))\xxxx
/(/(/(///(\:( ):/)\\)\)\xXxx
/((/(/(/(/(\ \ / /)\\)\\)\xxxxx
//(/(/(/(\\ \__/ /)\\\)\)\\ xxx
/////(/(/(/(\\\ //)))\)\\) *
/((/(/(/(/(\\\_///)))\)\\\\)
///(/(/(/(\)) ((/)\)\)\\)\\\
* ///((/(/(/(/)) ((/)\)\))\\)))\
(///(/(/(//) ((/\\)\)))\\
///(/(/(// \)\\\))\ Abbey Birk
(/((/ \ \ )
Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would
have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous
throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.
The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to request
an audience with the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he
would have to agree to accept her price first.
The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the
Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was
horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled
worse than swamp cabbage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never
encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.
He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible
burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He
said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and
the preservation of the Round Table.
Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question
thus:
What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge
of her own life and destiny.
Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a
great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.
And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and
Lancelot and the witch were married.
The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a
horrific experience, entered the bedroom chamber.
But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen
lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had
happened.
The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she
appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed
self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.
Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?
Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to
show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an
old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day,
but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate
moments?
What would YOU do?
What Lancelot chose is below.
BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll below.
Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.
Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the
time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of
her own life.
Now....what is the moral to this story?
Scroll down
The moral is.....
If you don't let a woman have her own way....
Things are likely too get really ugly.
==============================================================
>-->From Our Friend Del :)
/|\
/::| \
/::::| \
/::::::| \
/::::::::| \
\::::::::| /
\::::::| /
\::::| /
\::| /
\|/
+
-Bob Harris-
I was in my back yard trying to launch a kite.
I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few
seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth. I tried
this a few more times with no success.
All the while, my wife is watching from the kitchen window,
muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.
She opens the window and yelled to me, 'You need a piece of tail.'
I turned with a confused look on my face and said, 'For cryin’ out
loud, woman, make up your mind… Just last night, you told me to go
fly a kite.'
---
...TeeHee! Thanks Del!
================================================================
>-->From Our Friend PatDeE :)
_____......----------""""""""""------.._ _/"/
__...:::::;:::.... /___../ /
_.--"""::::::::::::::::::::::....,o%%%%:...._.....-----""""""____.._ "\
"..____ __../-----"""""""""" ___...---"""" "\__\
""""""""""""/"---. .--"": ...--"""
_./"// | | | /akn
/\__//_____| `--""" /
\ . ___/"
"--.___/"....---|"""
/ ___\....
\\.."--:"""""
Last Tuesday President Obama got off the helicopter in front of The
White House - carrying a baby piglet under each arm.
The squared-away Marine guard snapped to attention, saluted and
said: "Nice pigs, sir."
The President replied: "These are not pigs. These are authentic Arkansas
Razorback Hogs. I got one for Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, and I
got one for Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi."
The squared-away Marine again snapped to attention, salutes and
said, "Excellent trade, sir."
-<>-
,-----.
/' `\
; ----,---- ;
| `o- |`o- |
| |_ |
| _____, |
\_ _/
| `-----' |
__.-; ;-.__
_,-' ; : ; ; `-._
_,' `.
,`-,_____ \ : : / ____,-'-,
/' ```----. .----''' `\
/ \_/ \
| | |
| , | , |
| | | | |
| \ | / |
\ /\ o | o /\ /
/ | |`\ / \ /'| | \
| | | `------' `------' | | |
| | \ _.--'|`--._ / | |
\ | | __|--'|`--|__ | | /
| | | __|--'|`--|__pb | | |
>Men are Just Happier People
NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call
each other Laura, Kate and >Sarah
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer
to each other as Fat Boy, Knucklehead and Idiot.
EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in
$20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have
anything smaller and none will actually admit they want
change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but
it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste,
shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife
can spend.
A successfulwoman is one who can find such a man.
MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the
trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
Ah, children.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist
appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret
fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor
and who can handle it .... and
to the men who will enjoy reading it.
---
...Oh for goodness sake! TeeHee! Thanks PatDeE!
================================================================
>-->From The MouthPiece:
____
_/____]__
|_v'_]"__"] (PS)
`UJ-uJ--uJ
>** It's Time to Buy a New Car When **
10. When you go to the car wash more paint than dirt comes off.
9. Your tax adviser has suggested you could save money by
purchasing your own tow truck.
8. Your VIN is 000001.
7. You lose the stop-light challenge to a 14-year old on a
moped.
6. A 15-Minute Jiffy Lube takes 3 days.
5. While waiting at stop light, people run up asking if anyone
was hurt.
4. You keep losing your spouse on left turns.
3. Traffic reporters are starting to refer to you by name when
discussing morning tie-ups.
2. Instead of an airbag, there's a whoopie cushion taped to
your steering wheel.
1. Your gas gauge measures in cubits.
-<>-
-|
-' |
-' | __
==wkm=====|'\/ ()
/|
`O
/`
:
/\
\ \
` `
____________________________________
///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\///\\\
>Top Ten Jobs for Out of Work NBA Players
10. Two words: Professional Dodgeball
9. Join in the massive man-hunt sweeping the nation, searching
for the "real killers".
8. Bailbondsmen for their friends.
7. Acting in a movie with cartoons.
6. Ear, Nose, and Throat Doctor for giraffes.
5. Reoccurring guest spots on Cops.
4. Talk show host.
3. Extra in the latest Spike Lee movie: "Ain't Got No Game."
2. Poor minor league baseball outfielder.
1. Cheerleaders for the WNBA
==============================================================
>-->From CleanLaffs:
_*_ ....iiooiioo
__/_|_\__
[(o)_R_(o)] fe
Police officers in Brockton, Mass received a call regarding
an injured animal lying on a street corner. When they arrived
at the scene they found a dog that had been hit by a car. But
according to the local newspaper, the police report stated
that the dog was okay and "refused medical treatment."
-<>-
WICOE (Women In Charge Of Everything) is proud to announce
the opening of its "EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!"
The course covers two days, and topics covered include:
DAY ONE
HOW TO FILL ICE CUBE TRAYS. Step by step guide with slide
presentation.
TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS? Roundtable
discussion.
DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR. Practicing with
hamper (Pictures and graphics).
DISHES & SILVERWARE; DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK OR
DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES? Debate among a panel of experts.
REMOTE CONTROL. Losing the remote control - Help line and
support groups.
LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS. Starting with looking in the
right place instead of turning the house upside down while
screaming - Open forum.
DAY TWO
EMPTY MILK CARTONS; DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE
TRASH? Group discussion and role play.
HEALTH WATCH; BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR
HEALTH. PowerPoint presentation.
REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST. Real life testimonial
from the one man who did.
IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY AS SHE PARALLEL
PARKS? Driving simulation.
LIVING WITH ADULTS; BASIC DIFFERENCES BETWEEN YOUR MOTHER
AND YOUR PARTNER. Online class and role playing.
HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION. Relaxation exercises,
meditation and breathing techniques.
REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES & CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO
BE LATE. Bring your calendar or PDA to class.
GETTING OVER IT; LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL
THE TIME.
-<>-
As the owner of an old clunker, I was used to dealing with
a variety of car breakdowns. One day at the supermarket,
just after I had filled my trunk with groceries, I noticed
a stream of fluid pouring out of the bottom of the car. I
knew I had to get home before the car was once again out of
action.
When I arrived I asked my husband to take a look at the pro-
blem. Expecting the worst, I braced myself for his diagnosis.
When he came back in, he was smiling. "It's apple juice," he
said.
-<>-
_______
.'_/_|_\_'.
\`\ | /`/
`\\ | //'
jgs `\|/`
`
A jeweler standing behind the counter of his shop after hours
was astounded to see a suspicious looking man in a black ski
mask come hurling headfirst through the window.
"What on earth are you up to? What happened?!" he demanded.
"I'm terribly sorry," said the man, "I forgot to let go of
the brick."
-<>- __
/ \
| |
_ | |
/' | | _ |
| | | |
| _ | | | L O V E
| | | |
| | __ | _ |
| _ | __ / \ | |
| | / \ | || |
| || || || | _---.
| || || |. __ | ./ |
| _. | -- || -- | `| / //
|' | || | | /` (/
| | || | | ./ /
| |.--.||.--.| __ |/ .|
| __| || |-' /
|-' \__/ \__/ .|
| _.-' /
| _.-' / |
| / /
| | /
` | /
\ | /'
| ` /
\ .'
| |
| |
| |
| |
VK
A husband asks his wife, "If I should die first would you
marry again?"
"I would be heart-broken, of course," was her reply, "but
I think eventually I would remarry."
"But you wouldn't bring him here to our house?"
"Why not? I've worked and slaved to make this house a home.
There is no reason to abandon it."
"But you wouldn't sleep in our bed?"
"Well, I wouldn't run out and buy a new bed right away."
"Surely, you wouldn't let him use my golf clubs?"
"Of course not! He's lefthanded!"
-<>-
"Do you love me with all your heart and soul?" asked Becky.
"Mmm hmm." replied Dave.
"Do you think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world?"
"Mmm hmm."
"Do you think my lips are like rose petals?"
"Mmm hmm."
"Oh Dave," gushed Becky, "you say the most beautiful things!"
=============================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Scotch Tape Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tapeart.html
True Duck Tale
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/duck.html
Wyoming Cowgirl
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/poems/cowgirl.html
Awesome Tree Houses
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treehouses.html
Tale Of Two Swallows
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/swallows.html
Japan Manhole Cover Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/japanart.html
Texas Outhouse Art
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/outhouse.html
Amazing Dog Houses 2
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses2.html
Humorous Ads
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/humorad.html
Life's Little Oops 4
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops4.html
World's Largest Rodent
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/caplin.html
-<>-
>From LynnLynn's Links:
High Power Worker
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gdfrde.htm
High Speed Web Cam
http://www.buffaloschips.com/ghjuyuh.htm
Hillary Wasn't Lying Bosnia Gunfire Footage
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gnbhghg.htm
Home Alone
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gkjjkk.htm
Home Security
http://www.buffaloschips.com/gfdrdft.htm
Bomb squad
http://www.buffaloschips.com/2i9u3h.htm
Boss on Line
http://www.buffaloschips.com/g34rq.htm
If You haven't joined LynnLynn's mailing List yet, send a blank
e-mail to LynnLynns-links-subscribe@Yahoogroups.com
============================================================
>-->Quotes & Thunkers:
"The Mayor of St. Louis is starting a campaign to get St. Louis
removed from the list of America's Fattest Cities. The people
of St. Louis knew they had a problem when someone got stuck
walking through the Arch."
-Conan O'Brien
"A truck driver in Virginia won the state’s lottery. He won
$239 million and a marriage proposal from John Kerry."
-Craig Kilborn
"Children need encouragement. So if a kid gets an answer right,
tell him it was a lucky guess. That way, he develops a good,
lucky feeling."
-Jack Handey
"I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna
put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But
first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of
the map so it won't fall down." --Mitch Hedberg
"The method preferred by most balding men for making them-
selves look silly is called the 'comb-over,' which is when
the man grows the hair on one side of his head very long
and combs it across the bald area, creating an effect that
looks...from the top...like an egg in the grasp of a large
tropical spider." --Dave Barry
"I announced to my wife I was going to the supermarket with
her the next time she went because the stuff she kept
bringing home was not fully in the spirit of American junk
food. While she was off squeezing melons, I made for the
junk food section. The breakfast cereals alone could have
occupied me for most of the afternoon. There must have been
two hundred types. The most immediately arresting was a
cereal called Cookie Crisp, which tried to pretend it was
a nutritious breakfast but was really just chocolate chip
cookies that you put in a bowl and ate with milk. Brilliant."
--Bill Bryson in "I'm a Stranger Here Myself."
I couldn't wait for success... so I went ahead without it.
-- Jonathan Winters
Too many people miss the silver lining because
they're expecting gold.
-- Maurice Setter
"I think everybody should get rich and famous and do every-
thing they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not
the answer."
--Jim Carrey
"Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a
penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far
didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was
grounded." --Tim Allen
"Correspondence schools are full of it. I saw an ad where
they claimed they could teach you veterinarian medicine
through the mail. Hate to be a dog in that house. "Mail's
here!" "Yip, yip, yip!" Talk about being a regular in the
pet store, "Hey, didn't I already sell you a puppy?"
--Drew Carey
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah :) Shangy!
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FUN URLS
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-->This is for all you who love food andd DARE to make it at home Yep.
You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy,
good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do :)
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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A Recipe
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