You Know Your Life Sucks When... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU MOST ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press Our most recent flaming hot new page is from our friend LouiseAu. I love sharing a good story and this is not only a heartwarming one, but a historical one as well. Just shows what people can do when the the chips are down and they put their minds to it. Check this most interesting story out here... All Bombs away Sir \ \ Goodbye Dullsville! __|__ / .'(\ .-. /)'. +-====(*)===: " :===(o)=====-+ \). '-' .(/ MJP += += += += += += += += += USAAF Bombs US City! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bombing.html --- ...Most amazing! Thank You LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw An elderly man went to the doctor for a visit. "Doc," he says," I am so stricken. I have chest pains, headaches, back pains, nausea, arthritis, constipation, stomach cramps, earaches, burning in the eyes, congested lungs..." "Sir," says the doctor, "you complain you have so many things. What don't you have?" The man answers, "Teeth." -<>- A new widow requested the epitaph "Rest in Peace" for her husband's tombstone. When she later found he had left his fortune to his mistress, she attempted to get the engraver to change the carving. This was impossible, the words were chiseled and could not be changed. "In that case," she said, "please add 'Till We Meet Again.'" -<>- /`-. / `-. O/ `-. | `-. /\ `-. \_\_ `-. ########~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`@(((<~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ unknown MacAndrews was visiting his Irish cousin, O'Bannon. While there he decided to do a bit of fishing. As he sat there one afternoon, his cousin walked by. "What are ye doing?" asked O'Bannon. "Fishin'," said MacAndrews. "Caught anything?" "Ach, nae a bite." "What are ye usin' fer bait?" "Worms." "Let me see it," said O'Bannon. MacAndrews lifted the line from the water and handed it to his cousin. O'Bannon took out his flask of potcheen and dipped the worm in it. He handed it back to MacAndrews, who cast his line once more. As soon as the worm hit the water, his rod bent over double, the line screaming out. "Have ye got a bite?" asked O'Bannon. "No!" shouted MacAndrews, fighting with the rod, "The worm's got a salmon by the throat!" -<>- ____,--~~~^^~~~---.____ ___,-' `-.___ | \, \/|_,| | | ,-----_\` `' o`,\/_-------. | | / _/ o o\_ \ | | | (_|(((9 9)))|_) | | | | | o o(_) o | | | | | _.--\ o ___ oo/--._ | | | \ .'-.__ `-.___.-' __>--. / | |,---/ _)-----------(_ \---.| /____\| | |_______________| | |/____\ |/ `-'-' _________ `-'-' \| / _,-' `-._ \ / ,-' `-. \ / \ / \ / _____ _____ \ / ,' `. ,' `. \ / ' ` ' ` \ /_ __.-._.--._ ___ _.----.__ __,----.hjw\ | `--' `--' `---' `-' | | ,--, | | | | | | | / __ ,--. |- | | | ,--. | | | | ( |(---' | | | | (---' | | | | `--' `--' `--' `--^--' `--' `- `- | | ,---. | | | | (____ ,--. ,--. ,--. | | | | ) ( )( ) | | ' ' | `--' `--' `--' ' ' o o >A Code Of Ethical Behavior For Patients 1. Do not expect your doctor to share your discomfort. Involvement with the patient's suffering might cause him to lose valuable scientific objectivity. 2. Be cheerful at all times. Your doctor leads a busy and trying life and requires all the gentleness and reassurance he can get. 3. Try to suffer from the disease for which you are being treated. Remember that your doctor has a professional reputation to uphold. 4. Do not complain if the treatment fails to bring relief. You must believe that your doctor has achieved a deep insight into the true nature of your illness, which transcends any mere permanent disability you may have experienced. 5. Never ask your doctor to explain what he is doing or why he is doing it. It is presumptuous to assume that such profound matters could be explained in terms that you would understand. 6. Pay your medical bills promptly and willingly. You should consider it a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of physicians, health care managers and other humanitarians. 7. Do not suffer from ailments not covered by your health care plan. It is a waste of resources to contract illnesses that are beyond your means. 8. Never reveal any of the shortcomings that have come to light in the course of treatment by your doctor. The patient-doctor relationship is a privileged one and you have a sacred duty to protect him from exposure. 9. Never die while in your doctor's presence or under his direct care. This will only cause him needless inconvenience and embarrassment. ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ September 16 is American Legion Day, Collect Rocks Day, Step Family Day Mayflower Day, Mexican Independence Day, National Play Doh Day and Working Parents Day September 17 is Citizenship Day, Constitution Day and National Apple Dumpling Day September 18 is National Cheeseburger Day September 19 is International Talk Like A Pirate Day and National Butterscotch Pudding Day September 20 is National Pepperoni Pizza Day and National Punch Day September 21 is International Peace Day, International Red Panda Bear Day, Miniature Golf Day, Oktoberfest begins in Germany and World Gratitude Day September 22 is Business Women's Day. Elephant Appreciation Day and Hobbit Day ======================================================= >-->From GoodCleanFun: dentist: /-----| \-' | Q | )C ~\/\ | \\_ \ | \_77 |\ | ejm 96 |`` \ \ | """ ~ ~ === >Dental Instruments Employed as a dental receptionist, I was on duty when an extremely nervous patient came for root-canal surgery. He was brought into the examining room and made comfortable in the reclining dental chair. The dentist then injected a numbing agent around the patient's tooth, and left the room for a few minutes while the medication took hold. When the dentist returned, the patient was standing next to a tray of dental equipment, "What are you doing by the surgical instruments" asked the surprised dentist. Focused on his task, the patient replied, "I'm taking out the ones I don't like." -<>- >Getting a Ride Driving down a country road, a man passed a youth running hard, three dogs snarling at his heels. He screeched to a halt and threw open the door. "Get in!" he shouted. "Thanks," gasped the youth. "Most people won't offer a ride when they see that I have these three dogs." -<>- >Warranty To celebrate the town centennial, the community decided to erect a memorial. The committee was excited to have located just the right eternal flame to cap the monument. Its warranty promised the following: "Our eternal flames are fully guaranteed for three years." -<>- /` |>18>> / | <Golf Stroke "I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at the club. "Wow," said the young man, "that's pretty impressive." "Not really," said the little old man. "Any hotter and I'd probably have a stroke." -<>- >Contacting Grandma A woman went to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?" The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandma? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, Grandma?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, Grandma?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandma, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "When did you learn to speak English?" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) { } } { { { } } } }{ { _{ }{ } }_ ( }{ }{ { ) |""---------""| .-, | /""\ /#/ | | _ | _---------//_ | / | | ( / ) | |/ | /""=========""\ | / / (///////////////) | | / \ / | "T" C===========O cww ""---------"" -Bungle- >SMILES A woman was on the witness stand, accused of poisoning her husband. "After you put poison in the coffee, you sat at the breakfast table and watched your husband drink it. Tell me, didn't you feel the slightest bit of pity for him?" the defense attorney prompted. "Yes," she replied, "I think there was one moment when I felt sorry for him." "And when was that?" "When he asked for his second cup." ---------- The priest was instructing a class of third-graders at All Saints grammar school. "There were two brothers, and one of them chose the wicked path of Satan. The brother was evil and corrupt and did great damage to many people, and wound up a convicted criminal in a tiny, dark cell. "But the other brother studied hard and became a great, rich, knowledgeable lawyer. "Now, children, what is the difference between these two brothers, who started out in the same place, who together embarked upon life's stormy seas?" Herman raised his hand and said, "Easy. One of them got caught." ---------- While filling up a form in class, Peter came across the column 'mother-tongue'. Not knowing what it meant, he wrote 'Four inches long'. ---------- Peter called his doctor's office for an appointment. "I'm sorry," said the receptionist, "we can't fit you in for at least two weeks." "But I could be dead by then!" "No problem. If your wife lets us know, we'll cancel the appointment." ---------- Stumpy Grider and his Wife Martha were from Portland, Maine. Every year they went to the Portland Fair, and every year Stumpy said "Ya know Mahtha, Ah'd like ta get a ride in that theah aihplane". Every year Martha would say, "Ah know, Stumpy, but that aihplane ride costs ten dollahs... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs". So Stumpy says "By Jeebahs, Mahtha, I'm 71 yeahs old, if I don't go this time I may nevah go". Martha replies, "Stumpy, that theah aihplane ride is ten dollahs... and ten dollahs is ten dollahs". So the pilot overhears them and says, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride, and if you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say ONE word, I won't charge you, but just one word and it's ten dollars". They agree and up they go... the pilot does all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word is heard; he does it one more time, still nothing...so he lands. He turns to Stumpy as they come to a stop and says, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to make you holler out, but you didn't!" And Stumpy replies, "Well, Ah was gonna say something when Mahtha fell out....but ten dollahs is ten dollahs!" ---------- Antiques collecting has become very popular. Right now there are 15 million Americans who have things that are old, funny looking, don't work and are only kept for sentimental purposes. Some of these are called antiques - and the rest are called......husbands and wives. ---------- I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way. He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library. I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage.” I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?" "Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no...I was paroled." ---------- The owner of a drug store walks in to find a guy leaning heavily against a wall... The owner asks the clerk, "What's with that guy over there by the wall?" The clerk says, "Well, he came in here this morning to get something for his cough. I couldn't find the cough syrup, so I gave him an entire bottle of laxative." "You idiot! You can't treat a cough with laxatives!" "Oh yeah? Look at him, he's afraid to cough!" ---------- In her own eyes, Suzy was the most popular girl around. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry." "Really?" said her date, "And just how many men are you intending to marry?" ------- Lil' Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horses' legs, rump and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, "Pop, why are you doing that?" "Because I'm buying horses. I have to make sure they are healthy, and in good shape before I buy." Johnny looked worried, "Then I think we'd better hurry home right away." "Why?", asked his father. "Because the UPS man stopped by yesterday, and I think he definitely wants to buy Mom." --- ...Oh My! HaHA! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- .. .. o: ' :o o '. .' o o _`.' _o .. .. ('> <`) : : : : (\/) (\/) :: .''.''. :: ."". ."". .''. .''. .''; ; ;''. .''. .''. .''. .''. | |oo| || | | | | | ; ; | | | | | | |oo| | --| |--| d|--| |--| |-| ; ; ; |-| |--| |--| |--| |-- --|| |--| |--| |--| |-| ; ; |-| |--| |--| |--| |-- .o|b | | |o.| | | | | ; | | | | |.o| | | |o. o'| | | |`o| | | | | ; ; o| | | | |o'| | | |`o o | | | || o| | | | | ; ; | | | | |o | | | | o --| |--| b|--| |--| |-| ; ; |-| |--| |--| |--| |-- --| |--| |--| |--| |-| ; ; |-| |--| |--| |--| |-- `o| | | |o'| | | | | ; ; ; | | | | |`o| | | |o' `|__|oo|__|' |__| |__| |__;__;__;__| |__| |__| `|__|oo|__|' "" "" ___________ "" "" "" / \ /"" WELCOME \ / "" \ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ AMC >Which side of the fence? If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on, this is a great test! If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed. If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone. If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect. If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. If a Democrat is down-and-out he wonders who is going to take care of him. If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels. A Democrat demands that those they don't like be shut down. If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced. If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. If a Democrat decides he needs health care, he demands that the rest of us pay for his. If a Republican is unhappy with an election, he grumbles and goes to work the next day. If a Democrat is unhappy with an election, he burns down a Starbucks, throws rocks at cops and takes two-weeks off for therapy. If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A Democrat will delete it because he's "offended." --- ...LOL! Funny because it is so true. Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: \\\ ____ ________``` \ =|- [________] \ | =| | _ | | \ __ ejm |__=|- O--(_) `.______.' \ O=======(__) /|\ (/(|(\ >Onion Odor It's said that to remove onion smell from your hands, place your fingers on the handle of a stainless steel spoon. Then run cold water over your fingers. Another method to remove strong odors from your hands is to apply some ordinary underarm deodorant to your hands. Rinse off after five minutes. It should work for bleach odors, too. >Garlic Odor While garlic is great for cooking, it's not so great for socializing. To remove garlic odor from your hands take a handful of cool, used coffee grounds, rub them into your hands well, then rinse off. Similarly, to reduce garlic breath, just pop a coffee bean into your mouth and chew. ?Recycled Cereal Box Liners Remove the wax paper from your empty cereal box and use it to wrap sandwiches in, or anything else you might use wax paper for. A total money saver. ?The Indispensable Clothespin If you don't keep clothespins in your kitchen you're missing out on a HUGE convenience. Clothespins (the spring-loaded wooden kind) are perfect for closing just about any kind of bag. Chip bags, vegetable bags (especially if you buy big bags of spinach or mixed greens), bread bags and just about anything else. -<>- >'Go Green' Hints: * Don't throw away hard brown sugar! We don't use brown sugar very often, so it tends to get hard after sitting in the cabinet for a few months. But don't throw it away! Softening brown sugar is easy if you know a few simple tips. A slice of fresh bread placed with the hardened brown sugar in a plastic bag and sealed tightly will soften the sugar in 2 or 3 hours. A few slices of apple in the bag of sugar will work too. Or, put hard brown sugar in an ovenproof bowl in the oven. Alongside place another bowl filled with water. Set the oven on low-heat for about an hour. --- ...Or, for quick use, nuke it in the microwave in it's own bag for a few seconds - just until it has softened. * You're probably throwing away a ton of valuable nutrients! It is estimated that the average family's annual discarded potato peels amount to the following nutrients: the iron provided by approximately 450 eggs, the protein of 50 steaks and the vitamin C you get from 100 glasses of O.J. Instead of peeling potatoes, scour them with a metal sponge and rinse well. It's quick, easy and saves valuable nutrients close to the skin. If you must peel potatoes... Pour boiling water over them just before peeling to allow you to peel thinly and easily. ======================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Democrats Forced To Admit Trump Helped GOP Candidates In North Carolina https://tinyurl.com/y42zlt9z Planned Parenthood Makes Shocking Admission https://tinyurl.com/y5ssjfqc House Judiciary Approves New Rules to Aid Impeachment https://tinyurl.com/y6beh9ko Trump to Repeal Restrictive Obama-Era Waterway Rules https://tinyurl.com/yyjcdrq3 FACT CHECK: 4 CLAIMS FROM THE THIRD DEMOCRATIC DEBATE https://tinyurl.com/y59qsw4t Beto O'Rourke Demands Forced Seizure of 'Assault Weapons' https://tinyurl.com/y38mwlfw Westwing News: The Latest Times Hit on Brett Kavanaugh is a Clear Miss https://www.whitehouse.gov/westwingreads/ WhiteHouseNews: A disturbing trend affecting 5 million American children https://www.whitehouse.gov/1600daily/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Salads, Wraps, Candy, Drink Mix http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: Cancer-causing Carcinogens Found in Heartburn Drugs http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: The hard part about skydiving is jumping out of a perfectly good airplane. But once you're out, the last thing you want to see again up close and personal is another airplane. Unfortunately, that is exactly what happened to two parachutists in the skies over England. And it was very nearly the last thing they ever saw. The skydivers were in freefall, traveling at about 120 mph when a pair of American F-15s flew directly under them at about 345 mph, according to the U.K. Airprox Board, the national air safety investigation body, in a report that recently surfaced. "Once the parachutists had seen the F15s there was very little they could do to avoid the situation, having no control over their speed or direction whilst in free-fall," the report stated. The F-15 pilots never saw the jumpers - but even if they did, there would have been no time avoid catastrophe. U.K. Airprox didn't specifically determine how close this near-miss was but said there was "Go-Pro footage filmed from the helmet of one of the parachutists" that showed the jumpers "could clearly see the F15s passing beneath." The F-15s were based out of Royal Air Force Lakenheath, which is host to the U.S. Air Force's 48th Fighter Wing. Pilots had not been warned about skydivers in the area, the report said. Proactive measures have since been taken "to remind all the crews of the need to avoid Chatteris parachuting site." -<>- Here's a fun way to spend a weekend. A Maryland theme park is challenging couples to spend 30 hours together in an unusual tight space for the "30-Hour Coffin Challenge." The competition, part of Six Flags America's Fright Fest 2019, will see six "couples of any sort" -- romantic pairs, family members or friends -- spending 30 hours in a coffin together from 4 p.m. Sept. 27 until 10 p.m. Sept. 28. The couples will be allowed to have a friend nearby during park hours, but they will be alone when the park is closed -- that is, alone save for some "Fright Fest ghouls" who "will be lurking about in the darkness." The participants will not be allowed to use their smart- phones or other electronic devices except "during designated break times." "Anyone who gets out of their coffin for any reason, with the exception of the designated bathroom and meal breaks, will be automatically disqualified and not eligible to win the contest," the park said. The couple remaining at the end of the 30 hour challenge will receive $600, a pair of 2020 Gold Season Passes and a "Fright Fest Prize package." "Participants will potentially be exposed to fog, dramatic lighting, flash photography and extreme weather conditions," officials said. *--- 9/11 Baby Born in Tennessee ---* A Mississippi couple welcomed a 9-pound, 11-ounce baby into the world on 9/11, at 9:11 p.m. Christina Malone- Brown was born by cesarean section at a hospital in Germantown, Tennessee. Christina's father, Justin Brown, says bystanders joked his family should play the lottery. He says the doctor kept saying "Oh my goodness, I've got a 9/11, 9/11, 9/11." A photo of the baby shows her asleep in a hospital bed for infants, wires connected to her torso and a blue elastic band wrapped around her head. Her mother, Cametrione Malone-Brown, says her baby girl brought a spot of light to a day darkened by memories of the 2001 terror attacks. *--- Bank Error In Your Favor: Collect $120,000 ---* A Pennsylvania couple who had $120,000 mistakenly deposited into their bank account face theft charges after allegedly spending the money, police say. Robert and Tiffany Williams of Montoursville, Pennsylvania, bought an SUV, a camper, paid their bills and handed money out to friends after a teller accidentally deposited the cash into their account, state police said in court records. The couple never told the bank, and their account had $1,121 before the mistake, state police said. In June, the bank realized what happened and withdrew the full amount from the couple's account. They had already spent much of the money and had an over- draft of about $107,000, police said. The couple were arraigned on felony theft charges and released on $25,000 bail. *--- This Kid Couldn't Wait To Go to School ---* A teacher who went into labor at a Colorado middle school ended up delivering her baby on the sidewalk in front of the school. Lindsay Agbalokwu said she wasn't due until Sept. 17, so she thought a contraction she felt early Tuesday morning was a false alarm. Agbalokwu went to DSST: Conservatory Green in the Stapleton neighborhood of Denver, where she works as a sixth-grade reading teacher. The teacher presented an award at an assembly before realizing she needed to get to a hospital. "Then all of a sudden, it was just so much pressure and pain, I was like, 'I think she's coming now! I think we need to just call 911,'" Agbalokwu said. Marissa Kast, a seventh-grade reading teacher, put a sleeping bag down on the sidewalk in front of the school and principal Natalie Lewis and dean Chris Earls handled the delivery until firefighters arrived to finish the job. The baby, Zara, was born at 8 pounds, 6 ounces. *--- Trash Pandas Get Wrecked on Rotten Fruit ---* Residents of an Ontario neighborhood captured photos and videos of some unusually behaving raccoons that experts said were likely drunk from eating fermented fruit. Emily Rodgers said she arrived home to find a raccoon stumbling around oddly in her back yard in the Stittsville area of Ottawa. "He couldn't really move. He was dragging his legs, he was wobbling, having a hard time standing up. You could tell something was wrong with him for sure," Rodgers said. Another area resident, Julie Fong, said a bylaw officer came to her door asking to go into her back yard to look for a raccoon spotted in the area that witnesses said appeared intoxicated. "So that's why this guy was kind of sleeping it off under our deck," Fong said. Michael Runtz, a biology professor at Carleton University, said the raccoons are likely getting drunk off fermented fruit. "It's possible that some of the fruit is fermenting under the heat, and that these guys are getting a bit tipsy by eating that fermenting fruit," he said. Runtz said the best thing to do is to leave the raccoons to sober up on their own. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: .======================================. | ___ ___ ___ _ _ _ | | \_/ \_/ \_/ C|||C|||C||| |-| |-| |-| | | _|_ _|_ _|_ ||| ||| ||| |_| |_| |_| | '===================================== ,sSSSs DUFFY'S WATERING HOLE SSSS "( .:. SSS@ =/ \~/ C|||' SSSS_(_ _Y_ ___|||______________________________SS/ _)_) /.- [____________________________________] \ /\// | ____ ____ ____ ____ | \|==(\_/ | (____) (____) (____) (____) | (/ ; | | | | | | | | | | |____| | | | | | | | | | | \ |\ | | | | | | | | | | ) ) ) | |____| |____| |____| |____| | ( |/ | I====I I====I I====I I====I | /\ | jgs | | | | | | | | | /.(=\ Y\_\ >The Worst Pick Up Lines Ever! I know you're busy today, but can you add me to your to-do list? Are you cake? Cause I want a piece of that. If you were a library book, I would check you out. I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment? Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes? Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you. Have you been to the doctor's lately? 'Cause I think you're lacking some vitamin me. Do you generate electricity with water through the process of hydro power? Because dammmm! Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications. I'll cook you dinner, if you cook me breakfast. -<>- | (_) | _.-|_____| ,' ` / \ / | / ; _,' / (_ / '-._ / '-._ (| \\`-._) \\ | (_) | ____ | / ___\ | ,--.; /d\q )| ::._ \;\`- / | ::( `.\ `-' | :::`. `.`-._,| ::: `. `-._,|; ;::: : `-._|__; ;::::: : | ::::::: : | ::::::: : | :::::::.: \ ::::::::: ,--.`._ | |_|__( __) \ jrei |_..__)_)`.____.' >Back Problems Quasimodo goes to a doctor for his annual checkup. "I think something is wrong with your back," the doctor says. "What makes you say that?" Quasimodo asks. "I don't know," the doctor replies. "It's just a hunch." -<>- >Now You Stay A girl pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure her Labrador Retriever in the back seat had fresh air while she went into the store. The dog was stretched out on the back seat, and she wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. She walked to the curb backward, pointing her finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay! Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave her a strange look and said. "Why don't you just put it in park?" -<>- >Q and A Quickies: Q: What's the most musical part of a chicken? A: The drumstick! Q: Why do birds fly south in the winter? A: Because it's too far to walk. Q: What did the time traveler do when he was still hungry after dinner? A: He went back four seconds. Q: What did the man say to the wall? A: One more crack like that and I'll plaster ya! Q: What do you get when you put your radio in the fridge? A: Cool Music. .-"""-. _.---..-; :.) ;"" \/ __..--'\ ;-"""-. ;._ `-.___.^.___.'-.____J__/-._J bug Q: What do ducks watch on TV? A: Duck-umentaries! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _ , (_\______/________ \-|-|/|-|-|-|-|/ \==/-|-|-|-|-/ \/|-|-|-|,-' \--|-''' \_j________ (_) (_) hjw One morning, I was roaming the aisles of my local super- market, looking for items on my shopping list and wondering why the graham crackers aren't ever put in the cracker section. In my futile search, I kept running into a guy I'd never seen before. He was wandering up and down the aisles, with an equally lost look on his face. Somewhere between the pasta and sauces, he looked up at me and said, "I can't find a darned thing in this store!" I knew how he felt, so I asked, "What is it you're looking for?" He said, "My wife." -<>- The boss joined a group of his workers in the company break room and told a joke he'd heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is, except Dewey. When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Dewey, the boss said, "What's the matter, Dewey? No sense of humor?" "My sense of humor is fine," he said. "But I don't have to laugh. I'm quitting tomorrow." -<>- The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. "Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill." Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?" "This is my mother." -<>- __ .--.;_.'-. _., \__.' ;@ '. .'; `. ; __..-"'o ; ;' ; ;_/ ._.-' '. } : / `. _i/v\. ; i',; ( \_.' .(_) ; ' /{ \/ '. .r_.' .'\ ; .' .''-';_ ; ''-. ; / '.`. \ ; '. ; '. '._.; _ ; ; ; \.' '.__.-i ; fsc 'wWw' "wWw' A Sunday School teacher wanted to use squirrels as an example of a diligent work ethic and being prepared. She started the lesson by saying, "I'm going to describe something, and I want you to raise your hand when you know what it is." The children were excited to show her what they knew and leaned forward eagerly. "I'm thinking of something that lives in trees and eats nuts." No hands went up. "It can be gray or brown and it has a long bushy tail." The children looked around the room at each other, but still no one raised a hand. "It chatters and sometimes it flips its tail when it's excited?" Finally one little boy shyly raised his hand. The teacher breathed a sigh of relief and said, "Okay, Michael. What do you think it is?" "Well," said the boy, "I know the answer's supposed to be Jesus, but it sure sounds like a squirrel to me." -<>- My family physician told me of an incident that actually happened to him back in the early days of his practice. He said a woman brought her baby to see him, and he determined right away that the baby had an earache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours." -<>- /\ __ \ .-':::. \ :::::|\ |,\:::'/ \ `.:::-' \ `-. \ ___ `-. | .-'';:::. `-.-' / ',''.;;;\ | ','','.''| |\ ' ,',' /' `.`-.___.-;' `--._.-' AsH I had just stopped by a burger drive-through for lunch to eat on the way back to work and I ordered the #1 combo (burger, fry, coke) for $4.29. The drive-through cashier said "that'll be $4.83, please drive forward." "$4.83? For a $4.29 meal? That's 54 cents tax! That can't be right," my mind raced. Tax is 8 cents on the dollar in Huntsville and for 4 dollars that would be 32 cents plus 1/3 of 8 cents would be 35 cents max. I'd heard of window workers overcharging drive through customers and skimming the money for themselves. So I got a pen and paper and did the long division since there were 2 cars ahead of me. Let's see ... 483/429 ... over 12 percent tax! When I got to the window I handed her a 5 and said, "$4.83 for a $4.29 meal is 12 percent tax. That can't be right. Can I talk to the manager?" She gave me my change and called the manager. The manager comes over and I ask what the sales tax is in Huntsville, and she says 8 percent. I say that I just paid $4.83 for a $4.29 meal and that's over 12 percent sales tax. She said that maybe the computer had rung it up wrong or had charged me for the biggie size. She admitted it was supposed to be 4.63, and opened the drawer to give me my extra change. "HA!" I thought to myself. "Six years engineering school has so heightened my mental mathematical adeptness that I can do percentages in my head and my superior intellect has foiled a feeble attempt by a drive-through worker to overcharge me." I took the twenty cents she handed me, proud of my staggering genius, and smugly drove off without my food. ========================================================= >-->From ScreamOfTheCrop: , /), (( -.((_)) _,) ,\`.'_ _`-',' `.> <> <> (,- ,', | `._,) (( ) |, (`--' `'( ) _--_,-.\ SSt /,' \( ) `' (( `\ ` >Things that make you go hmmm... 1. Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin? 2. Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? 3. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle? 4. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? 5. Why is a boxing ring square? 6. Why is it that rain drops but snow falls? 7. Why is it that to stop Windows 95, you have to click on "Start"? 8. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? 9. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? -<>- An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store. "Well, I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has 6 legs!" They all asked the farmer how it tasted. "Don't know," said the turkey farmer. "Never could catch the son of a gun!" -<>- _ ___ _.--. \`.|\..----...-'` `-._.-'_.-'` / ' ` , __.--' )/' _/ \ `-_, / `-'" `"\_ ,_.-;_.-\_ ', fsc/as _.-'_./ {_.' ; / {_.-``-' {_/ >You Know Your Life Sucks When..... *A black cat crosses your path and drops dead. *You take an assertiveness training course and you're afraid to tell your wife. *The candles on your cake set off your smoke alarm. *Your chauffeur is on parole for car theft. *Your children's school calls to surrender. *The bride's family throws rocks instead of rice. *Your wife wraps your lunch in a road map. *Your plants do better when you don't talk to them. -<>- Mother: "Soooo... you want to become my son-in-law." Suitor: "No, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter." -<>- .-. \_/ .-. \.-\/=\/.-/ '-./___|=|___\.-' .--| \|/`"`\|/ |--. (((_)\ .---. /(_))) `\ \_`-. .-'_/ /`_ '.__ __.'(_)) / \ // | |__.'/ \ /--'` jgs .--,-' .--. '----. '----`--' '--`----' >Accurate Toy Labels * Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks. * No beanies or babies were harmed in the manufacture of this product. * In case of breakage, scream until dad buys a replacement. * Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial. * Not to be taken internally, literally, or seriously. * Some dismemberment may occur. ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit Rare Exotic Cats! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rarecats.html Strange Buildings!= http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/buildings.html Elephant Hotel!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/elhotel.html Awesome Hotel!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/qhotel.html House Of Bones!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hbones.html Awesome Bridge!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesomebridge.html Expensive Hotels!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ehotels.html Cat Owner Tips!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catowners.html Hybrid Big Cats!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hybridbigcats.html Beautiful Wolves!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/wolves.html Only In Australia!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/australia.html Adam In Paradise!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/adam.html World Of Big Cats!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bigcats.html Beautiful Bridges!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bridges.html Amazing Dog Houses!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/doghouses.html Chapel With Bone Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chapel.html Grand Canyon Skywalk!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/skywalk.html City That Time Forgot http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/city.html THIS IS INDIA … (IT'S WHERE YOU CALL WHEN YOU HAVE A TECHNICAL PROBLEM WITH YOUR COMPUTER.) http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/india.html -<>- >For Your 'Collect Rocks' Day: Stone Painting Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stonepainting.html Rock Balancing Art!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rockbalancingart.html Shilin Stone Forest!- http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/stoneforest.html How To Make a Pet Rock https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htp0dBRwwyk How To Care For A Pet Rock https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZaOUlSWvFos The Rolling Stones - Like A Rolling Stone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z_JF0N-m0-k Funny Pets ROCKING To the Music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkC2zk_E5ek Funny Animals ROCKING To The Music https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9cEKUdVLXRE ROCK (Walk) Like An Egyptian https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cv6tuzHUuuk -<>- Revisiting... >From Our Friend Melinda Scalped And Lived! http://nativeheritageproject.com/2014/05/06/surviving-a-scalping/ The Power Of Words http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=Hzgzim5m7oU&vq=medium --- ...Love this one! Thanks Melinda! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) The World is Beautiful is a compilation of various time lapse scenes showing us how beautiful our world is. There are some many interesting and exciting places to see in the world and some of them are closer than you think. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dTzy_N0Pn4&feature=player_embedded An interesting look at 25 of the world's most breathtaking natural wonders. Many of these places are famous and well known but some might be new to you. I'm sure the world travelers out there have visited quite a few of these beautiful places. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M61iOBA2a9o&feature=player_embedded Wow, this is completely crazy. The amount of precision planning needed to get all 164 skydivers on the ground safely must have been intense. But they pulled it off and the result is a truly incredible feat of death-defying madness. See the biggest formation ever made in midair in this video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CogIXrea6A4&feature=player_embedded Labrador Camila and Her Kitten Tobias Reunited. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aP0V9mQTc3g&feature=em-subs_digest-vrecs Knives are always sharp... at first. After a few hundred uses, knives start getting dull. After a few more hundred, you stop using them because they just don't cut any more. However, this incredibly easy trick will allow you to bring back that sharp edge within seconds! Here's how it's done. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vs54EvzL_DA&feature=player_embedded --- ...Great ones! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- >From Our Friend Melody Katrinshine: Tutorial for crochet roses http://katrinshine.blogspot.it/2012/04/tutorial-for-crochet-roses.html?m=1 Martin Luther King, Jr. was a Republican :: Fox&Hounds http://www.foxandhoundsdaily.com/2013/01/martin-luther-king-jr-was-a-republican/ --- ...Yes. A true man of God. Thanks Melody! It is no wonder the Dems support Planned Parenthood http://tinyurl.com/qdr64mf ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Year, (noun) A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments." -Ambrose Bierce's DEVIL'S DICTIONARY "Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example." -Mark Twain "I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later." -Mitch Hedberg "A Stanford study suggests that social media is making us smarter. They examined hundreds of essays written by college freshmen between 1917 and 2006. By 2016, the papers were longer, better researched, and more complex. That's because kids in 2016 cut and pasted them from Wikipedia." -Jimmy Kimmel "NASA is sending chocolate to astronauts on the Inter- national Space Station. I guess it makes sense I mean, it's not like those guys have to watch their weight. "Nope, still zero pounds.'" -Jimmy Fallon "Psychologists now believe that adulthood begins at 25, not 18. They also believe that middle age begins the first time you eat at a Denny's while sober." -Conan O'Brien "Labor Day, in case you don't know history, was established all the way back in 1894 as a way to give Americans an extra day to dread going back to work after the weekend." -Jimmy Kimmel "Scientists have discovered a species of fish that surrounds itself with uglier fish in order to look more attractive. However, scientists could not identify which sorority it belongs to." -Jimmy Fallon "Nintendo recently announced that its character Mario is no longer a plumber. Apparently, he was fired after coming to work on mushrooms." -Seth Meyers "You know that look women get when they want s? . . . Me neither." -Drew Carey "What do I know about s? I'm a married man." -Tom Clancy >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $20 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all self-subscribed readers and $5 more will give you the same message also put up for all web site readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class http://www.truthortradition.com/modules.php?name=News&file=article&sid=61 NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe ********************************************************************** >TO SUBSCRIBE:Visit Here This Weeks regular Shangy emails OR For the Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com **********************************************************************