Zombie Apocalypse... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our Yahoo ShangyFunList: To Subscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-subscribe@yahoogroups.com To UnSubscribe send a blank email to ShangyFunList-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com Group home page: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ShangyFunList Through no fault of my own we suddenly became an adult club in the love and romance directory so you will have to confirm that you are an adult when you go here. I still have no idea how to change this back as it sends me around in a circle when I try! or Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: ShangyFunList@yahoogroups.com or email me here: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ W __ __ [ ] |::||::| 3 ._. |::||::| ._. /| |:| ._. |::||::| |/| \|// / |:|_|/| |::||::|_ |/| -( )-| |:|"|/|_|::||::|\|_|/| _ J V | |:|"|/|||::||::|\|||/||:| ___ ' / ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ \ \/ | ~~~ ~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ *~* In Remembrance: Prayer: May America always stand watchful and alert, never forgetting and thus keeping us and our children and our children's children safer. May our prayers and our diligence keep God close and at hand to watch over and protect us and our country for all time. May God bless the hearts and lives of all of us and especially those who have been hurt by this horrible tragedy through Christ Jesus our victorious Lord and savior, Amen. *~* Shangrala's 9-11 And Troop Pages: Animated 9-11 images http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html Angel Wing Decoys http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angel.html Bleed American http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/bleed.html Chevy: American Pride http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevypride.html Dog Warriors http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dogwarriors.html Freedom Isn't Free http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedom.html Friendly Fire http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendly.html From Russia With Love http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teardrop.html HERO! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/hero.html Hero's Truck http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/herotruck.html K9 9/11 Heroes http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/k9-11.html Lest We Forget http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lestweforget.html Lest We Forget #2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lestweforget2.html Liberty Air Show http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liberty.html Proud Of Our Troops http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops.html Proud Of Our Troops 2 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops2.html Proud Of Our Troops 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops3.html Proud Of Our Troops 4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops4.html Proud Of Our Troops 5 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops5.html Proud Of Our Troops 6 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/troops6.html Ray's Freedom Rock! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/freedomrock.html Rolling Memorial 9-11 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/trucking.html Semper Fidelis http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/semperfi.html USS New York LPD-21 Tribute http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ussny.html War Pics: Daily http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/daily.html War Pics: Daily 2 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/daily2.html War Pics: Daily 3 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/daily3.html War Pics: Sleepy? http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/sleep.html War Pics: Humor 1 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/humor.html War Pics: Humor 2 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/humor2.html War Pics: Humor 3 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/humor3.html War Pics: Humor 4 http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/humor4.html Where Was God? http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/poems/where.html Why My Son? http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/why.html -<>- >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle goodie is from our friends RichardF and KarenF. It will have your equilibrium turned all around! Check it out here... ____________________________ | | | ________________ | | | | | | | _| _. | | | | |_| | | | | | | _ _ | | | | |_| |_| .-| | | | ____| | ' ~ |____ | | \, _ _ ,/ | | \, `-. | |_| _|_ ,/ | | \, ~ + | | ,/ | | \, ,/ | | \, ,/ | | \, ,/ | | \/ | |____________________________| Upside Down House! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/downhouse.html --- ...LOL! A fun one! Thanks RichardF and KarenF! ======================================================= >-->From TheFunnyBone: A Big Commitment... \//// |. .| Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound ( \ ) determination to become the next Charles \_-_/ Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the __/ \__ teenager over to the weightlifting department. /` ^ `\ _ ( \_' % '_/ ) _ "Please, Dad," whined the boy, "I [_]--' /| _|_ |\ '--[_] promise I'll use them every day." (_\---' | -|- | '---/_) [_] )_____( [_] "I don't know, Michael. It's really /\ /\ a big commitment on your part," the | \_/ | father pointed out. | | | \ / \ / "Please, Dad?" /-| |-\ | | | | "They're not cheap either." \| |/ jgs / / \ \ "I'll use them Dad, I promise. You'll see." \/ \/ Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door. From the corner of the store he heard his son yell, "What? You mean I have to carry them to the car?!" ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE SEPTEMBER HOLIDAYS ------------+ September 10 is Swap Ideas Day September 11 is No News Is Good News Day September 12 is National Pet Memorial Day and National Chocolate Milkshake Day September 13 is Defy Superstition Day September 14 is National Cream-filled Donut Day September 15 is Felt Hat Day September 16 is Stay Away From Seattle Day and Collect Rocks Day ===================================================== >-->From Our Friend Johanna :) {an Et-Ahem] \\\\\\\\ \\\\\\\\\\ \-- \\\\\\ (O(O) ))\ / - \ (_/\/\ \ \_ ./ )-'.:'. __ (((( (_/\/=::::\ _\/_ ________________ \_,) /:::/\_\\ .' '. | __________ | \:\ /:::/::\ \\ | | | .' '.HELP!'.| _ \:\/:::/:::::::\| | | / .-. \_I'm_ \ (((_)),__/:::/\:::::::|| | | | : : |\ being\ \\__)::::::' \::::::|| | | \ '-' / \_held_\ ''''' /::::::|| | | '.___.'_ /capti-/ ______________|::::::.|| | |_________ /ve at_/ ( ''---''( | | \the \ \ \'-.____________/_/_\ | /toilet/ _\ _\\(________________)____.' \paper \ ( -- -') ) '. ) /fac-__/ //\ -_- )\ \ .' \tory! > (__ /.-) \ \ \ ^^^^^^____.._( )_)\ \ \ \ ( \\\''' | | ) \ \ pils __________________\______.___|_|__(________|__)_____ >Home Made Chili WARNING : ONLY Read This When You Are Able To LAUGH OUT LOUD! (this is not a joke, not to be read while at work unless you sent it to your boss) I went to Home Depot recently while not being altogether sure that course of action was a wise one. You see, the previous evening I had prepared and consumed a massive quantity of my patented 'you're definitely going to crap yourself' road-kill chili. Tasty stuff, although hot to the point of being painful, which comes with a written guarantee from me that if you eat it, the next day both of your butt cheeks WILL fall off. Here's the thing. I had awakened that morning, and even after two cups of coffee (and all of you know what I mean) nothing happened. No 'Watson's Movement. Despite the chilies swimming their way through my intestinal tract, I was unable to create the usual morning symphony referred to by my dear wife as 'thunder and lightning'. Knowing that a time of reckoning HAD to come, yet not sure of just when, I bravely set off for Home Depot, my quest being paint and supplies to refinish the deck. Upon entering the store at first all seemed normal. I selected a cart and began pushing it about dropping items in for purchase. It wasn't until I was at the opposite end of the store from the toilets that the pain hit me. Oh, don't look at me like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm referring to that 'Uh, Oh, CRAP, gotta go' pain that always seems to hit us at the wrong time. The thing is, this pain was different. The chilies from the night before were staging a revolt. In a mad rush for freedom they bullied their way through the small intestines, forcing their way into the large intestines, and before I could take one step in the direction of the toilets which would bring sweet relief, it happened. The chilies fired a warning shot. There I stood, alone in the paint and stain section, suddenly enveloped in a toxic cloud the likes of which has never before been recorded. I was afraid to move for fear that more of this vile odor might escape me. Slowly, oh so slowly, the pressure seemed to leave the lower part of my body, and I began to move up the aisle and out of it, just as a red apron clerk turned the corner and asked if I needed any help. I don't know what made me do it, but I stopped to see what his reaction would be to the toxic non-visible fog that refused to dissipate.. Have you ever been torn in two different directions emotionally? Here's what I mean, and I'm sure some of you at least will be able to relate. I could've warned that poor clerk, but didn't. I simply watched as he walked into an invisible, and apparently indestructible, wall of odor so terrible that all he could do before gathering his senses and running, was to stand there blinking and waving his arms about his head as though trying to ward off angry bees. This, of course, made me feel terrible, but then made me laugh. ..........BIG mistake!!!!! Here's the thing. When you laugh, it's hard to keep things 'clamped down', if you know what I mean. With each new guffaw an explosive issue burst forth from my nether region. Some were so loud and echoing that I was later told a few folks in other aisles had ducked, fearing that someone was robbing the store and firing off a shotgun.. Suddenly things were no longer funny. 'It' was coming, and I raced off through the store towards the toilet, laying down a cloud the whole way, praying that I'd make it before the grand explosion took place. Luck was on my side. Just in the nick of time I got to the john, began the inevitable 'Oh my gosh', floating above the toilet seat because my butt was burning SO BAD, purging. One poor fellow walked in while I was in the middle of what is the true meaning of 'Shock and Awe'.. He made a gagging sound, and disgustedly said, 'Son-of-a-b****!, did it smell that bad when you ate it?', then quickly left. Once finished and I left the restroom, reacquired my partially filled cart intending to carry on with my shopping when a store employee approached me and said, 'Sir, you might want to step outside for a few minutes. It appears some prankster set off a stink bomb in the store. The manager is going to run the vent fans on high for a minute or two which ought to take care of the problem.' My smirking of course set me off again, causing residual gases to escape me. The employee took one sniff, jumped back pulling his shirt up to cover his nose and, pointing at me in an accusing manner shouted, 'IT'S YOU!', then ran off returning moments later with the manager. I was unceremoniously escorted from the premises and asked none too kindly not to return. Home again without my supplies, I realized that there was nothing to eat but leftover chili, so I consumed two more bowls. The next day I went to shop at Lowes. I can't say anymore about that because we are in court over the whole matter. Idiots claim they're going to have to repaint the store. --- ...Oh My goodness! LMAO! Too rich! Thanks Johanna! ============================================================ >-->In The Worldly News: >Heard In The News: , _,-""-._ ," ". / ,-, ,"\ " / \ | o| \ `-o-" `-', `, _.--'`'--` `--`---' | _) ,' ' _ / _ \ ` \ _ \ | -_) ./ , `, ___|\___/_|_|_|_.__/_|\___| / / \ (_)))_ _," _))))_, --------(_,-._)))------------------------------- n4bis WARNING: Zombie Apocalypse is a Real Threat WASHINGTON, D.C-- Homeland Security reported that zombies are a real threat and preparations should be made. http://tinyurl.com/8pvfphw --- ...That must be why the government bought a ton of guns and ammo. http://tinyurl.com/9m7hxsm So that means the gov. wants us to buy a ton of guns and ammo to be prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse. I verified this with my son who is more into zombie things than I am. He agreed. You need lots of ammo to take care of zombies! Paul thinks we are OK with our supply of boards and nails for the windows since we don't have many low ones. Says he'll just shoot the rest in the head from a safe distance in the house. So I guess we are all prepared! Thanks DHS! -<>- >From FrontPorchNews: 9/11 Pilot Tells His Story: 2 Free Gifts Expiring! http://tinyurl.com/bteef7v -<>- >From Our Friend KarenF :) Obamacare Summed Up in One Sentence http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=vdnY8r7_fLw --- ...LOL! Thanks KarenF! -<>- >From Our Friend JoeL :) Since When are We the United State of America? http://tinyurl.com/bo7zydf THAT LOOKS BAD! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJFgWA8odBM --- ...Interesting! Thanks JoeL! -<>- >From ConservativeByte Videos We've Heard It All Before...Again. http://tinyurl.com/cjjme9q Obama Thugs Rough Up Gallup For Polls They Don’t Like http://tinyurl.com/c537dxh -<>- >From GodfatherPolitics: Congressman Attacks the Pledge of Allegiance AND Cuts Funding for our Troops http://tinyurl.com/comjz5l -<>- >From CowboyByte: Why Obama will have trouble closing the deal http://tinyurl.com/c29773h -<>- >From BizarreNews: There is an old saying that goes, 'It's not paranoia if they really are out to get you.' It turns out that somebody may very well be watching you, and that somebody is probably the FBI. A hacker group called Antisec (that's Operation Anti-Security, a movement opposed to the computer security industry) has released over one million Apple device IDs. The information was supposedly obtained after a FBI Regional Cyber Action Team supervisor's notebook was hacked and the IDs were dumped. This data, if cross-referenced with Apple's developer resources, could potentially identify a unique user's geographic location and other specific information. What is all of this information good for? What else? Tracking citizens. But why? Do these one million devices belong to terror suspects? And if they do, did the FBI get warrants to track one million citizens? As we recall from the Fourth Amendment; "The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated." Of course, it is still unclear how much information is being recorded and to what purpose. Antisec has not volunteered any more information and the FBI certainly isn't talking. But if you have an Apple device you might want to see if yours was one of the IDs released. And you might want to start looking over your shoulder. *-- 'Tooth Fairy' leaves $3 per tooth in 2012 --* SAN FRANCISCO - California-based financial company Visa said its survey indicates the "Tooth Fairy" left an average $3-per-tooth for U.S. children this year. Jason Alderman, Visa's senior director of global financial education, said the company's telephone survey of 2,000 U.S. adults indicates the amount of money left by the "Tooth Fairy" this year increased 15 percent over the average from 2011. "The Tooth Fairy may be the canary in the economic coal mine. She's showing signs of life by leaving 40 cents more per tooth this year," Alderman said. "This is not only good news for kids, but an ideal teach- able moment for parents to engage their children in think- ing about how to budget their windfall by saving a portion." The survey, conducted July 13-17, had a margin of error of plus or minus 4 percentage points. *-- 2,014-pound burger sets world record --* CARLTON, Mich. - A Minnesota casino said it set a Guinness World Record by cooking up a 2,014-pound bacon cheeseburger. The Black Bear Casino Resort near Carlton said the burger concocted Sunday handily defeated the previous record of 881 pounds, 13 ounces and a Guinness adjudicator was on hand to verify the record, the Duluth (Minn.) News Tribune reported Tuesday. "What I saw today was a feat of remark- able teamwork that resulted in a world record burger that actually tastes really good," Guinness adjudicator Philip Robertson said. The burger was topped by 60 pounds of bacon, 50 pounds of lettuce, 50 pounds of sliced onions, 40 pounds of pickles and 40 pounds of cheese. *-- Police: Thief returned unopened beers --* AKTOBE, Kazakhstan - Police in Kazakhstan said a man facing theft charges allegedly stole a case of beer from a store and later returned several unopened bottles. Investigators in the Aktobe region said the man allegedly stole a 14-pack of beer from a store Saturday and later returned to leave six unopened bottles he had decided not to drink, RIA Novosti reported Tuesday. Police told CA-News officers arrested a 27-year-old man from an adjacent apartment building Monday in connection with the incident. They said the man, whose name was not released, has a prior theft conviction. *-- Artist puts toilets on the beach --* HENLEY BEACH, Australia - An Australian artist's beachfront installation employed sharply dressed volunteers to sit on toilets to highlight a local restroom controversy. Andrew Baines said his Saturday installation in Henley Beach, which was titled "Coalition of the Constipated" and involved several volunteers in black suits and bowler hats sitting atop a row of toilets placed at the beach, was inspired by a local debate over whether to put a restroom on the beach, The Advertiser reported Monday. "I've been a long-time resident of Henley and Grange and what I didn't realize, brooding in the background, is there has been an ongoing debate amongst residents, the local council and the cafes about the building of a toilet on the beach- front," Baines said. "Some people want it, some people don't. Hopefully by doing this today, we will highlight the issue and the wider community will come forward and we'll have a solution." Baines said it is his "job as an artist to bring these things to the forefront." ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: ____ _ _)\\ /< c \_)_/(_____ |//_ ,/\_/\ '\ \ )___/ \$/ \ \\) \/ : < \ |/____| | / / | : /__o/ |__'__/(_| b'ger \ )_ /|\ When I was 28, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those days I donned a sweatshirt and slacks. A student came in, and his eyes widened. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You should wear clothes like that every day. You look, like, twenty years younger. -<>- Artifacts are a major portion of an American-Indian reser- vation's economy. Annually, thousands of tourists visit reservations and most will not leave without purchasing at least one memento of the traditional Indian culture. One enterprising Indian was able to outsell his competitors in the sale of wooden dolls by selling them at only a fraction of the cost others had to charge. On examination of his dolls they found that where traditionally hard wood was used, this Indian would use cheap pine on which he glued thin pieces of fine mahogany, thus being able to produce the dolls at only a fraction of the cost. While he claimed his dolls were still authentic, his com- petitors complained that it was only a cheap Sioux Veneer. -<>- Although I had arrived 20 minutes early for my one o'clock doctor's appointment, I watched patient after patient dis- appear into the various rooms. Now, I know things happen, and that more serious issues are typically dealt with first, so I was able to accept that those coming in after me were seen first, But when I was still sitting in the waiting room 1 1/2 hours later, I'd had enough and had become pretty irate. Fortunately, as I got up and went to the receptionist, I calmed down enough to handle it without anger. Instead I calmly said, "I know my son's appointment was for one o'clock. Can you tell me if that was a.m. or p.m.?" -<>- [t][v][p][1] _.-`''`-._ ,` `. __________________________ | ,._-'''-. | | Ogladalnosc Serialu | | |,-. ,-.| | | "Plebania" wynosi 0,03% | |/' `-| < i nadal zajebiscie rosnie!| \ (_) / `--------------------------' \ ____ / \ `--` / _.--`/'|`-..-'|\''''`-. ,-' / |`._,' / \ \ | / \,/``\/ \ | \ | | '> |\,/| <' ,' \ | `/^)\ |/`\| / / \ / / / \ | | / | \ / / ,``, \ \ / / | \ ' | | \ \ / / |\_ \ / ,| _.' \ | | |__...-'` | \ / / `. | |````` | \ | / ,`') | |\ | | ,` ,/\ | _,:''`, | ---\,,.-'`---------| _/ ,` , \ ,'--gan---------- |_.------''/ /; ,` |/ `' ```''' According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the Bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine the yawns from the little princesses). To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. -<>- Sitting in the first row of coach class during a lengthy flight, my wife and I were able to hear a flight attendant as he pushed a wine cart down the aisle in the first-class section. "Would you care for chardonnay or burgundy?" he asked the high-paying passengers. A few minutes later the attendant opened the curtain between the two sections, offered wine to one final first-class patron, then wheeled the same cart forward to our aisle. "Excuse me," he said, looking down at us, "would you care for a glass of wine? We have white and red." -<>- I'm the postmaster for a small town in Pennsylvania. One of my regular customers, Jeff, bought several sheets of newly released commemorative stamps. Soon after he left, a woman came in carrying two crisp sheets of Harry Houdini stamps she'd found in the parking lot. The next morning, I gave Jeff the sheets of stamps he'd lost. "You know," Jeff said to me, "I'm not at all that surprised the Houdini stamps reappeared." -<>- ####### #######o### #####o#######o# ####o#\#|#/######## ########\|/##o#####o# # }}{ o # }{{ ( o }}{_ c_\ OW! I'm suing - That tree hit me! }}{\( ejm97 }{{ \/\\ o You have probably heard about the lawsuit over a spilled cup of coffee. However, there are many other silly lawsuits involving products that have received far less attention. For example: A prescription of sleeping pills says, "Warning: May cause drowsiness A container of underarm deodorant says, "Caution: Do not spray in eyes" A cartridge for a laser printer warns: "Do not eat toner" A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns: "Do not drive with sunshield in place" A Bathroom Heater says: "This product is not to be used in bathrooms" A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: "May irritate eyes" A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: "Caution - Risk of Fire" A box of birthday cake candles says: "DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves in- sertion into a body cavity. -<>- Having grown up just outside New York City, I barely knew a cow from an ear of corn. Until, that is, I married a small- town Ohio girl. While I was in seminary school, I had a temporary assignment at a church in a rural community. The day of my first sermon, I tried very hard to fit in. Maybe too hard. With my wife sitting in the first pew, I began my discourse: "I never saw a cow until I met my wife." ========================================================= >-->From TheMouth: SAYINGS Better to be occasionally cheated than perpetually suspic- ious. In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life. IT GOES ON. Accept than some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue. There are two things to aim at in life: first to get what you want and, after that, to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind achieve the second. There is no right way to do the wrong thing. The best vitamin for making friends: B1. Knowledge is like a garden; if it is not cultivated, it cannot be harvested. Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again. If you can't be the tablecloth, don't be the dishrag. I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either. I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where the heck is the ceiling?!" I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. Am I getting smart with you? ....How would you know? I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves. I'm not just a gardener, I'm a Plant Manager. My Reality Check bounced. -<>- >Vincent Van Gogh's family tree His obnoxious brother - Please Gogh His brother who ate prunes - Gotta Gogh His brother who worked in the convenience store - Stopn Gogh His grandfather from Yugoslavia - U. Gogh His brother who bleached his clothes white - Hue Gogh His cousin from Illinois - Chica Gogh His uncle, the magician - Wherediddy Gogh His cousin from Mexico - Amee Gogh His Mexican's cousin's American half brother - Grin Gogh His nephew who drove the stagecoach - Wellsfar Gogh His constipated uncle - Cant Gogh His ballroom dancing aunt - Tang Gogh -<>- >STUPID "FAMILY FEUD" ANSWERS ACTUAL answers given by contestants on "The Family Feud": Name something a blind person might use - A sword Name a song with moon in the title - Blue suede moon Name a bird with a long neck - Naomi Campbell Name an occupation where you need a torch - A burglar Name a famous brother & sister - Bonnie & Clyde Name a dangerous race - The Arabs Name an item of clothing worn by the 3 musketeers - A horse Name something that floats in the bath - Water Name something you wear on the beach - A deckchair Name something Red - My cardigan Name a famous cowboy - Buck Rogers Name a famous royal - Mail A number you have to memorize - 7 Something you do before going to bed - Sleep Something you put on walls - Roofs Something in the garden that's green - Shed Something you might be allergic to - Skiing Name a famous bridge - The bridge over troubled waters Something a cat does - Goes to the toilet Something you do in the bathroom - Decorate Name an animal you might see at the zoo - A dog Something associated with the police - Pigs A sign of the zodiac - April =========================================================== >-->From SermondFodder: ,v. _____>o< / |_ (_________) ///,-.-.\\\ _||__|__||_ (_\|_O|_O|/_) )(#__)( ((`---')) _,. \\-.-// ////) \`-'/ (`'//// __/\`-'/\__ _ ) / ,-'|( )o( )|`-. /o`. ,' ,' ||\/>-<\/|| /`-/`. `. ,'`- || /)O_\ || '` `./ /` !||/o.(_)\||!, -..' / .'!|/o_O o(_\|!`-.__.' / .' !|\(_)o Oo/|! /`._.' !||\O.o_o/||! \o | .=!|| `.(.' ||!=. /`-'\ (( \|| o ||/ )) _\ |) )`-||___o___||-'( / `--'\ |//|| | : ||\\| /.--==--.\ |/(X) | : (X)\| o/ ______ \o| |_: | _ [\' `/]| __ ,,,,,| (/ |\`--==--'/||,,,,, | |///| | _ | )/)/`.(' |||oOo| | |///| | (/ | `(_) \) |||OoO| | ''''' | \ `PAINT'/ |''''' _| | _,`-=..=-' | |_| ,'\ | (_/ /( | | \,' | \_) `-.___.-^-.___.-' ,---. |=| |=| ,---. ( # \,,,,&/`-'| |`-'\&,,,,/ # ) \ ) ( / `========'`==' `=='`========' hjw >Reasons churches don't ask clown ministries to return: 10. Pesky escaped balloons stuck to the Sanctuary ceiling for weeks after they've gone. 9. That cream pie in the music ministers face wasn't accepted in the fun spirit in which is was offered. 8. They force people to smile during the 8 a.m. service. 7. It's hard to say with dignity, "The sermon today will be given by Brother Umpa-Doody." 6. Whoopee cushions inevitably appear under pew cushions. 5. Sermons take a lot longer when they are presented in pantomime. 4. Many denominations do not recognize seltzer water baptism. 3. Those bottomless trick glasses the clowns snuck in during the communion service. 2. Church Janitors charge extra to get all of the silly string off the Sanctuary ceiling. And the number one reason Churches don't invited Clown Ministries to return...... 1. The kids popping their balloon animals during the closing prayer. == With help from http://jokes.christiansunite.com ==== >From Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day Ministries. To subscribe drop an email note to Sermon_Fodder-subscribe@yahoogroups.com. Please leave this attached if you forward this to friends. ======================================== "The One whose throne is in heaven sits laughing. . . ." (Psalms 2:4) =========================================== . | . \ | / `. \ ' / .' `. .-*""*-. .' "*-._ /.*" "*.\ _.-*" : ; ____ """"': .. ; Be Sunny! _.-*" \ `.__.' / "*-._ .' `-.__.-' `. bug .' / . \ `. / | \ ' | ` >Compliment Guys by Patrick D. Odum They were tired of it. Tired of people being grumpy, depressed, and worried. Tired of always worrying about the current economic climate. So Cameron Brown and Brett Westcott decided to do something to bring a little light and joy to their corner of the world — which happens to be Purdue University. They became The Compliment Guys. That's what everyone calls them, anyway. Every Wednesday afternoon from 12:30 to 2:30, Cameron and Brett set up their "Free Compliments" sign near a main walkway outside the chemistry building. Rain, snow, sleet, cold — whatever the weather, The Compliment Guys are "In." For those two hours on Wednesday, they live up to their name. Every person who walks by gets a compliment. To a guy in Purdue sweats they say, "Love your school spirit." To a woman carrying a trendy black bag: "Very nice purse." "It's very large." To the student who ran past them in knee-high leather boots: "I like your hustle." "I like your boots, too." The guys try to be very personal and specific in their compliments, too. "I like your red coat," Westcott says to a woman listening to her iPod. She turned and laughed, which prompted Brown to say, "Very nice smile." Three women leaving biology lab purposely walked by them. "I like your curly hair. Great smile. I like your glasses," the guys said, pointing to each of the women. One Wednesday, they told a professor to enjoy his coffee, thanked the groundskeepers for their hard work and encouraged someone eating an apple to "stay nutritious." While most people react positively, the guys sometimes get ignored, or get nasty looks, or the occasional obscene gesture. They get accused of being there only to pick up girls. (They both have girlfriends.) Some think it's a psychology experiment. But Brett Westcott says their reasons for being The Compliment Guys are pretty straightforward, if not too sophisticated: "Just overall, making people's day is really satisfying. Not enough people do nice things anymore." I don't know about you, but I think The Compliment Guys might be on to something. We're a culture that doesn't take seriously the power of words. Strange, when you think about how many words we speak, process, e-mail, and text every day. Everywhere we look, there are words: on signs, on screens, on forms and petitions, in documents and books, on labels and menus, billboards and bumper stickers. Everywhere we go, people are speaking: cell phones clamped to ears as they walk, Bluetooths (Blueteeth?) clipped to ears while they drive, in meetings and at coffee shops, in schools and churches and offices and bars and restaurants, over dinner with family and over conference calls with the home office. So many words. So little thought. How else to explain the careless ways that husbands and wives, parents and children, students and teachers, friends, colleagues, and fellow church members speak to each other? How else to explain the torrents of profanity yelled out of car windows when a driver feels cheated out of a spot in traffic that he thinks should have been his? How else to explain how we trivialize things like sex or family or even God with too many meaningless, thoughtless, graceless words? How else to explain all the ways in which we use words to hurt, manipulate, belittle, and control? We can try to do better at least, can't we? So many words. So little thought. No wonder members of some religious orders take vows of silence. When you discipline yourself not to speak at all, you gain a better understanding of the value of words, in much the same way as a person who's fasting understands the value of food. Maybe we Christians should give more thought to the vow of silence. I can certainly think of situations that would have worked out much better if I had taken one. Or maybe better, let's discipline ourselves to use words more carefully. That's where I think The Compliment Guys have it right. They're making a choice to use words to "make peoples' day." They're disciplining themselves, at least for two hours on Wednesday afternoons, to speak in ways that are positive, affirming, and encouraging. I suspect, too, that those two hours on Wednesday carry over, at least to some extent, in the ways that they speak when they're "off duty." "If you speak," wrote Peter, "you should do so as one who speaks the very words of God." I love that it's Peter, of all people, who wrote that. Peter, the guy who was so well-acquainted with the taste of foot. The guy who swore he'd never desert Jesus, and then swore just as vehemently that he didn't know him. He learned, somewhere along the line, and by the time he was an elder statesman of the church he had learned how much words mattered. He had begun to regard words, and the opportunity to use them, as gifts from God. He understood that the faithful words of God's people are one of the many ways in which God's grace takes form in this world. So he wanted the church to take words seriously. He charged them to give careful thought to what they said, to consider whether or not the words coming from their mouths or pens were suitable vehicles for the grace of God to travel in. "If you say something, make sure it's something that wouldn't seem out of place coming from the mouth of God himself." Well, we can try to do better at least, can't we? It might not work for you to set up your own "Free Compliment" stand at your own work or school. But then, there are other ways to bless people with your words than firing compliments at them as they walk by. We can speak encouraging words to someone who's having a bad day. We can be gentle and careful when we have to reprimand a child or an employee. We can remember to say "I love you" more often, and "Your problem is ..." less. We can speak truth, lovingly, to people who are spiraling out of control. We can tell the story of Jesus a little more often. We can add to and listen to slanderous, gossip-filled stories a lot less. We can choose to use words to defuse anger instead of adding to it. We can be quiet and give others a chance to speak, when that's what God is calling us to. And we can choose to use words to bless others, instead of gratifying ourselves or getting what we want. Give it a try. You'll get the hang of it. Hey — good job reading this. Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God's grace in its various forms. 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"Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire." - Dan Zevin "According to 'Consumer Research' more people are drinking soda for breakfast. It's become the new orange juice. Maybe in the trailer park where Yoo-hoo is the new champagne!" --Jay Leno "According to a new study that just came out, smoking pot regularly does not lead to harder drugs. In fact the study shows that smoking pot regularly does not lead to doing much of anything." --Conan O'Brien "The government had to bail out two huge companies, and today they strongly hinted that they'd bail out others... at taxpayers' expense of course. It's all part of a new approach that leaders in the White House and Congress are taking — it's called socialism." -Jimmy Kimmel "In Washington, a woman who bought a used couch found a live cat in its cushions. 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