Jest For The Fun Of It And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our ShangyFunList: Group Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com :) The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $25 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! ================ >-->In The 'Shangy' News :) . . . . ,-,--. __| //``-, \ \_`\ )\a-a-? \ \ \_`(_=_/_-`__ \__, , \| | _ _,' ___7 ) | (_)(_`__(_,---' | ( _( ) | / /_| |________| __/__/__|__|_________) _________(__,_|)/ (__)|/____\(_______________ mic I am quite pleased to announce that we have a returning sponsor for the website ShangralaFamilyFun.com This company is great if you are seeking a lawyer and/or legal information About DUI and OVI in the State of Ohio: Check out these two great resources... Columbus Ohio OVI and DUI Law Resource https://www.findlaw.com/dui/laws-resources/ohio-ovi-dui-laws.html Operating a Vehicle Under the Influence in Ohio https://www.criminalattorneycolumbus.com/drunk-driving-dui-ovi/ Be sure to check these out! ..::''''::.. .:::. .;'' ``;. .... ::::: :: :: :: :: ,;' .;: () ..: `:::' :: :: :: :: ::. ..:,:;.,:;. . :: .::::. `:' :: .:' :: :: `:. :: '''::, :: :: :: `:: :: ;: .:: : :: : : :: ,:'; ::; :: :: :: :: :: ::,::''. . :: `:. .:' :: `:,,,,;;' ,;; ,;;, ;;, ,;;, ,;;, `:,,,,:' :;: `;..``::::''..;' ``::,,,,::'' You can always be assured that I only go with the best for you! :) -<>- I've been working hard on the FUN URLs page here: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/urls.html I've got all the category links checked and fixed now except for the first one - those links under Fun Sites. Got a ways to go with it. Little by little, step by step sweet Jesus, and I'll get it done. Thank you for your patience. :) -<>- >HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This flaming hot new page is from our friends LouiseAu, Linda, PatDeE, Geniann, KarenF and BrendaC. It is a delightful mix of old and new funny memes to give you some smiles for your day. Be sure to check this wonderful collection out here: _ (=> HaaHaHa _c==] ~ \ |_ TTTT ___________O+-/x\_ __| || |_____________________ / ____ ___ _____ _____ _ __ __ ___ ___ | _ \ / _ \_ _| ___| | | \/ |/ _ \ / _ \ | |_) | | | || | | |_ | | | |\/| | |_| | | | | | _ <| |_| || | | _| | |___| | | | _ | |_| | |_| \_\\___/ |_| |_| |_____|_| |_|_| |_|\___/ cww Chuckles 3! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chuckles3.html --- ...Lots of smiles here! Thanks my friends! ======================================================= >-->From SmileZilla: () /\ ()--' '--() `. .' / .. \ jgs ()' '() "Next," the conference emcee announced, "we have the chief of the Minnesota State Patrol, Roger Ledding, who is here with his lovely wife, Beverly." The chief took his place at the lectern. "I'm a little nervous," he began, "getting up before this distinguished audience and speaking today. But not nearly as nervous as I will be tonight when I must go home with my wife, Audrey, and explain Beverly to her!" -<>- .". / | / / / ," .-------.--- / "._ __.-/ o. o\ " ( Y ) ) / / ( / Y .-" | / _ \ \ / `. ". ) /' ) Y )( / /(,/ ,| / ) ( | / / " \_ (__ (__ [nabis] "-._,)--._,) Q: What do you call an anesthesiologist who shows up for work wearing a rabbit suit? A: An ether bunny! -<>- .-. ( ( __ __ '-` ___/ _\.-./_ \ ////|//(@ @) \| //////// \./ | (_) |( _ ) ldb____|______|.m_m_______________________________________ To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog. If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard. If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy. If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing. Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather. Sincerely, The Cat ======================================================= +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ October 18 is National Meatloaf Appreciation Day and No Beard Day October 19 is Evaluate Your Life Day October 20 is Brandied Fruit Day, International Chefs Day, Sukkot, and U.K. National Waiters Day October 21 is Babbling Day, Count Your Buttons Day, International Nacho Day and National Pumpkin Cheesecake Day October 22 is National Nut Day October 23 is Make a Difference Day, National Mole Day and TV Talk Show Host Day October 24 is Mother-In-Law Day, National Bologna Day and United Nations Day ======================================================= >-->From Mikey'sFunnies: We have so many faithful missionaries on the Funnies list. Here's a true story from one of them, Bill Crandall. Mikey \\\\ c oo | .U __=__ ,,, |. __|___ oo ; ||_/ / / U= _ 0 \_/__/__E o /. .| | (___ || |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~'----'~| I---||| |-----------------------| I ||| | c(__) | ^ '--'' ^ ^ Petrus >Be careful what you pray for. The first congregation we started was just beginning to come together in Guayaquil, Ecuador. My Spanish was just so-so. Ruth, one lady among these first converts, had an aged mother in the hospital in grave condition. This Ruth asked me to visit her mother and pray for her. I am glad to make hospital visits but it is not my strong suit. There are those that have the gift to greatly encourage the sick. I do not have that giftedness. So one afternoon, I took Carlos, a man who was also a new convert, with me to visit this lady's mother. She was in very poor condition. Plus, she had not slept much in two nights. Her level of anxiety was very high. At the end of the visit I prayed for her that God would comfort her to lower her anxiety and that she might get some well need sleep. As we walked back to the car, Carlos questioned me about what I had prayed. He told me that I had textually asked that the aged mother would "Rest In peace." Less than an hour after leaving the hospital, I get a call from Ruth. Her mother had passed away shortly after our visit. Carlos soon spread the story about what had happened and how I had prayed for this lady. In the 30 years we have been here, no one has complained if the pastor/missionary does not visit the sick. To the contrary, some have said to me that it is fine with them if I don't visit them when they are sick. -<>- A preacher was riding his bicycle down the street when he noticed a little boy standing in a yard next to the curb with a lawn mower. He asked the little fellow what he was doing, to which the little fellow replied, "I want to sell this mower so I can buy a bicycle." The preacher said, "Well son I need a lawn mower and I have this bicycle. Maybe we can work out a trade. Why don't you ride my bicycle around the block and see what you think about it?" The little boy went around the block and when he returned the preacher was sitting on the curb red faced and out of breath. The preacher said, "I have pulled on this rope since you left and I can't get this thing to start." The little boy softly said, "You have to cuss." The preacher replied, "I haven't cussed in so long I have forgotten how." The little boy replied, "if you pull on that rope long enough you will remember." -<>- (:;( :;;::.. .. ) ...::::.... .. ___________ (( :;;: ) ,'" . . "`.( :;; : ; ;;: ;;.:) .. ____,----'''""``-/ \ ; : ___ : ) . --=;"" ,-'"`'""`. . |_;; |,',' __`.;; ) .. `"""---.._____,(_,-. ,'"`. . j_`.)|;/ ,';;`.) ) _|o_,|o | /__\ /,--._ ' ) :.. _,----'""" `._,' |';;;j (/ __ \ ) _ ,' . . |'`;; ,'o;`/| --=;'" `;=-/. . | ( ;-----;;;;) )j .. "`-' (____________,,---') . | j . l) o _, l__ \/ \/ | j . : :. l . _,'"__`-. \ . . . . |/ : ;. \ """ "' .. `._ |: .; . :;. \ `"----......._ . |; :; : ::;. \ . `. . |; ;; .: ; :;; \ ... .. j l:.; :; . ; :;.`. __ / \:: .;: : ;; :;. `. __, ```-----....._________________f ( . \ |__;:_______;,,,,--`--'';;: . . . . .....:::::::;;;;| \ | |;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:::::::. . . . . .....:::::;| . ) j |:::::::::::::::::::::::::. . . . . . ...:::| / / |:::::::::::::::::::::... . . . . . ...j / / |:::::::::::::::.... . . . . . .| . ,-' . / |................ . . . . . . | / , ,' . |. . . . . . . . . . . . | (_/| | l |. . . . . . . | V l_j\_) | . . . . | . V V. | . "Dino" . | | -=> Philip Kaulfuss <= Three dinosaurs stumble across a magic lamp. They rub it, and a genie appears. "I have three wishes, so I'll give one to each of you," the genie announces. The first dinosaur thinks hard. "Alright," he says, "I'll have a big, juicy, piece of meat." Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he'd ever seen appears in front of him. Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder. "I know! I'll have a shower of meat!" Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him. The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs. "I've got it!" he cries, "I want a MEATIER shower!" -<>- Grandpa wonders how much 6-year-old Tommy knows about money. Just for fun, he pulls two bills from his wallet - a ten and a twenty - and asks Tommy which one he'd rather have. Tommy grins and takes the ten dollar bill. "Thanks, Grandpa!" Grandpa thinks it's kinda funny, so he does it again. Again Tommy chooses the ten-dollar bill. Grandpa calls over Uncle Joe and says, "Watch this." He again offers Tommy a ten and a twenty, and again Tommy chooses the ten. Both men chuckle, and then call over Tommy's dad. Grandpa again offers a ten and a twenty, and Tommy gleefully takes the ten. Dad takes Tommy aside. "Son, don't you know twenty is more than ten?" "Sure," says Tommy. "But if I took the twenty, Grandpa wouldn't keep playing the game. Now I have forty dollars." -<>- .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | | ! | | | | ! |~~~~' After the benediction, he had planned to call the couple down for a brief ceremony in front of the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married. "Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested. Immediately, nine single ladies, three widows, four widowers, and six single men stepped to the front. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) _,.......____ _.-' / `-._`-. ,' / / `. `. ,' ___ / _ / __`. `. / / \ / (_) / / / \ \ : / /) / / __ / / / L L | / __,' / / / / / / | | | / / / / / / / /___ | | : /_/ / /_/ / /_____/ F F \ / / / / `. / / ,' ,' `./ / _,'_,' cjr `-.__/______,.;:.-' >SMILES The police recently busted a man selling tablets he said gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the fourth time he was caught for doing this. He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856 and 1928... ---------- While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn't help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, "Now remember -- run to Dad first, then the dog." ---------- Arriving home from work at my usual hour of 5 p.m., I discovered that it had not been one of my wife's better days. Nothing I said or did seemed to be right. By 7 p.m. things had not changed, so I suggested I go outside, pretend I had just got home, and start all over again. My wife agreed. I went outside, came back in and, with a big smile, announced, "Honey, I'm home!" "And just where have you been?" she replied sharply "It's after seven o'clock! ---------- There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. ---------- A child asks his mother, "Do all fairy tales begin with, 'Once upon a time?' " His mother answers, "No, dear. Once in a while they begin with 'I'll be working late at the office tonight.'" "Does Daddy tell you fairy tales like that?" "He used to." "What made him stop?" "One day he told me he'd be working late, and I said, 'Can I depend on that?'" ---------- _ _.-'`-._ _ ;.'________'.; _________n.[____________].n_________ |""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""] |"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| |.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| ,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,, ;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; IF THE DEMOCRATS THINK BIDEN BIN LYIN IS DOING SUCH A GOOD JOB WHY DID THEY PUT A FENCE AROUND THE CAPITAL? ---------- Teacher: "And how did you spend your summer vacation?" Pupil: "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota." Teacher: "Very good. Can you tell the class how to spell that?" Pupil: "Actually, I think we went to Ohio." ---------- A pastor and his family (two children) were invited to attend a cousin's high school graduation. He thought he'd prepare the kids, knowing how fidgety they can get. "Graduations are sometimes long, boring events," he said. "I want you guys to behave and not ask constantly when it's going to be over." "Don't worry, Dad. We'll live," the daughter replied. "We last through all your sermons, don't we?" ---------- .-------. / \ | \_ \ (-).' (.\`` | `- - / /___ 7 .-------. / / \| / \ ( \ \ | '` /\|/ \ \ | .- ` `\ / ` ,\ \ |\_ _Z / ``-----'. ." `--' / \ '-. __) / __ '-. '-.. ) | (BP'---------.| `-. `'\ .'' / -.``-|__.' | / / '. / \ / _/ \/ '. \ \ \ '----------'. '. \ / '. '. \ /____ '. ' \ .' '---- '--| \ .' `-. /\ \ | /'\ \ \ / \ \ \ '. \ / \ \ / '._ \ \ \ \__ /__---' '. \ `/ \ \___ \ \ \ \___\ My husband and I took our two-year-old daughter to the DIY store. Madison got tired of walking, so my husband let her ride on his shoulders. As he walked, Madison began pulling his hair. Although he asked her to stop several times, she kept on. Getting annoyed, he scolded, "Madison! Stop that!" "But, Daddy," she replied, "I'm just trying to get my gum back." ---------- Helping me sort clothes into "save" and "give away" piles, my six-year-old daughter came across a garter belt. "What's this?" she asked. "It's a garter belt," I said. Seeing that meant nothing to her, I added, "It's for holding up stockings." "Ah," she said, carefully placing it in the "save" pile, "we'll use it next Christmas Eve." ---------- An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, where have ya been?" "Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. "Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening." "I did all right," the drunk says with a smile. "Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?" "Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf!" ---------- _____ .'.---.'. // , \\ || `| || || | || || -'- || .-"`'-.,_ _,.-'`"-. / .'--,___`"""`___,--'. \ | /:////_'---'_\\\\:\ | \|:|// `_ _` \\|:|/ '-/| (6/ \6) |\-' \\ | | // `| (._.) |` | _ _ | jgs \ '---' / '--.___.--' Little Johnny and his classmates had just finished a tour of the local fire station. Before each student could leave, the fire chief quizzed him. The fire chief asked little Little Johnny, "What do you do if your clothes catch on fire?" Little Johnny replied promptly, "I don't put them on." -------- One morning as Professor Jones was leaving for the university his wife told her absent-minded husband, "Don't forget we are moving today. If you come to this house this afternoon it will be empty." Predictably he didn't remember until he found the house vacated that afternoon. He mumbled to himself, "And where was it we were moving to?" He went out in front of the house and asked a little girl, "Did you see a moving van here today, little girl?" "Yes," she replied. "Would you know which way it went?" She looked up at him and said, "Yes, Daddy, I'll show you." -------- /~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~/| / /######/ / | / /______/ / | ========================= /|| |_______________________|/ || | \****/ \__,,__/ || |===\**/ __,,__ || Joe Jacques |______________\====/%____|| | ___ /~~~~\ % / | _| |===|=== / \%_/ | | | |###| |########| | / |____\###/______\######/__|/ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A blonde bought an elaborate and expensive coffee and latte machine with all the latest gadgets, bells and whistles. Knowing that she sometimes gets mixed up while following directions, she asked for instructions on how to use the machine. The salesman carefully explained how everything worked; even how to plug it in. Finally, he showed her how to set the timer so she could go to bed and the coffee would be ready when she got up. A few weeks later, she returned to the store and the salesman asked, "how do you like the coffee machine?" "It's wonderful! It's very easy to use and it makes excellent coffee. But there's one thing that really bugs me and I don't quite understand." "what's that?" "Why do I have to go to bed every time I want to make a pot of coffee?" --- ...Oh My! LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ========================================================= >-->From HandyHints: ________ .==== [________>< :=== '==== ________ ___,,,,,,, [________>__________\ ________ .==. jgs [________>c((_ ) '==' Aluminum is pretty amazing. Not only is it naturally non- toxic and durable, but of the most commonly recycled materials, aluminum is the only material that is infinitely recyclable. What this means is that once produced, it can be recycled over and over and over without any loss in quality. What are the other abilities of this miracle metal? Cost-conscious cooks have found creative ways to use and reuse aluminum foil for decades. Line pans and baking dishes with aluminum foil to make cleanup easier, so you use less water. Reuse aluminum foil to clean and scour pots and pans instead of steel wool or plastic pads. You can also use aluminum foil to sharpen scissors and garden shears; simply fold a sheet six to eight times and make several cuts. Now, you can even purchase recycled aluminum foil from Reynolds Wrap. Its made from 100 percent recycled aluminum from post-consumer sources such as automobile components, cookware, gutters and siding, as well as scraps from industrial cable. According to the manufacturer, there's an 80 percent reduction in the amount of energy used during the process of turning recycled material into foil, compared to making it from new materials. --- ...Clean silver... I recently decided to clean my husband's silver butter dish. Looking up various methods, I decided on the #2 one here: Clean Silver with Aluminum Foil and Baking Soda https://tinyurl.com/4xyd5rxm I got the almost black dish back to it's silver luster without a lot of scrubbing or rubbing work - which I liked a lot! -<>- |\ | \ | ____________ ____________ | / O * maytag \ / O O maytag \ | |____________| |____________| | | ____________ || | | || ||| | | || ]||| | | /\ ____ || ||| | _______ | [| ||Tide|||____________||| | |#####| | __|__||____||______________||______________|__|#####|___| |#####| jro\ When it comes to laundry everybody over the age of 15 should know the basics; separate light colors, dark colors, whites and delicates. Wash colors in cold water and whites in hot water. ALWAYS clean the lint trap, etc... But if you want to knock your laundry game up to 'expert' try these tips the next time you pop the lid on your washing machine. * Washing non-colorfast garments Epsom salts will help prevent running and fading of non- colorfast items. Add 1 teaspoon Epsom salts per gallon of wash water for the first wash. * Setting Colors To set the colors in new cottons and keep them bright, soak them overnight in lightly salted water, or a weak solution of vinegar and water. * Brilliant Brightener A nifty clothes brightener is cream of tartar. It's easier on the fabric than many bleaches, which is great for washing delicates. Just mix 2 teaspoons cream of tarter in 1 gallon of hot water and soak garments for 4 or 5 hours, then wash as usual. * For whiter socks skip the bleach Soak them in hot water mixed with a half cup of lemon juice. Soaking them in baking soda and water works pretty well, too. * Reduce Drying Time When your wash cycle is complete, remove lightweight garments and place them in the dryer. Run your heavier items through the spin cycle one more time. This will reduce the moisture in the heavy items while the light items dry faster on their own. If you only have a few items to dry, pop a thick, dry towel into the dryer with them. The towel will help absorb a lot of the moisture. * If you have hard water If you have hard water make sure you use a commercial water softener or washing soda. Soft water is much easier on fabrics than hard water, and repeated hard water use will turn whites gray. In addition to saving garments, soft water will save you money because you need less detergent. If you are using washing soda for the first time, GO EASY on the detergent! ========================================================= >-->In The Worldly News: Justice With Judge Jeanine - 10/16/21 https://tinyurl.com/mxzr5zxd Dan Bongino 10/16/21 https://tinyurl.com/yzhcwwbt Watters World 10/16/21 https://smashleft.com/2021/10/17/watters-world-10-16-21-full-show-hd/ Hannity 10/15/21 https://smashleft.com/2021/10/16/hannity-10-15-21/ Call for prayer as missionaries kidnapped; Hunter Biden's $2 Million Scandal Really Isn't New; Apple Bends to China’s Demand to Remove Bible App; Navy Prepares to Discharge the Unvaccinated – No Exemptions; Crime Surges as San Francisco Puts Unvaccinated Cops on the Sidelines AND MORE: https://reliablenewsnow.com/ Gen. Colin Powell Dies of COVID Complications; Manchin Demands Work Requirements; NY Gov. Paterson Hits Lax DAs; Biden Supply Chain Woes Worsen; Bill Clinton Leaves Hospital; Bratton: Dems Behind NY Crime Surge; Ron Johnson: Biden’s DOJ Intimidating Parents; Navarro: Back to the 70s With Biden; US Warship in Taiwan; Russia COVID Deaths Soar; Ashli Babbitt Betrayed; China Launches Hypersonic Missile, US Missionaries Kidnapped AND MORE: https://www.newsmax.com/ Latest From Deep State Journal: https://deepstatejournal.com/ Latest From 2020 Conservative: http://2020conservative.com/ Latest From Independent Minute: https://independentminute.com/ Latest From TPN News: https://threepercenternation.com/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: Recall Alert: Pork, Bicycles, Strollers http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: CDC Flu Warning http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From BizarreNews: A Wisconsin man who accidentally shot his roommate while teasing a cat with the laser sight was fined $50 after pleading guilty to a weapons crime. Vaughn Rothering, 22, will pay a total of $591 including court costs and will be eligible to have the felony conviction for injury by negligent handling of a dangerous weapon expunged. According to a criminal complaint, Rothering and his roommate were on the porch of their Onalaska residence when Rothering let their cat chase the laser of his 9mm pistol; he said he was spinning the gun in his hand when it went off and struck his roommate in the ankle. Prosecutors requested only a fine in return for Rothering's guilty plea, acknowledging the incident was an accident and he has no criminal history. If not expunged, his felony conviction would prohibit him from possessing firearms. He will also be required to pay restitution, though the amount has yet to be determined. "You could have easily killed your friend," La Crosse County Circuit Judge Ramona Gonzalez told Rothering. "You've probably punished yourself more than we could ever punish you." "I feel terrible about it," said Rothering. The cat was unharmed. -<>- A British Columbia woman received an unusual rude awakening when a meteorite crashed through her roof and landed on her pillow. Ruth Hamilton said she was asleep at her Golden home when she became vaguely aware of her dog barking in the house. "The next thing was just a huge explosion and debris all over my face," Hamilton told CBC News. Hamilton said she got out of bed and turned on the lights, revealing something had punched a hole in her ceiling. "I didn't know what else to do, so I called 911," she said. "Talking to the operator, she was asking me all kinds of questions, and at that point, I rolled back one of the two pillows I'd been sleeping on and in between them was the meteorite." Hamilton said the melon-sized space rock had landed just inches away from her head. Experts at Western University in London, Ontario, confirmed the rock that landed in Hamilton's bed was a meteorite. "It's certainly a meteorite," said Peter Brown, a professor with the university's physics and astronomy department. "Everything about the story was consistent with a meteorite fall, and the fact that this bright fireball had occurred basically right at the same time made it a pretty overwhelming case." Hamilton said the experience has given her a new perspective on life. "The only other thing I can think of saying is life is precious and it could be gone at any moment even when you think you are safe and secure in your bed," she said. "I hope I never ever take it for granted again." *--- World's fastest lawnmower clocked at 143.19 mph ---* A British man broke a Guinness World Record when he built a riding lawn mower that reaches a speed of 143.19 mph. Tony Edwards, a mechanical engineer from St. Martins, Shropshire, England, said he became interested in building the world's fastest lawnmower about two years ago. "I know that a guy from the U.K. had the record at one point, at 96 mph, and I thought I'd give it a try," he said. Edwards said he built the lawnmower from scratch. The lawnmower is powered by a 1300cc unit from a Suzuki motorcycle. Edwards said Guinness also stipulated that the lawn mower had to be able to actually cut grass. Edwards' lawnmower reached a speed of 143.193 mph when he took it for a spin at Elvington Airfield in York, England. Edwards said he believes the lawnmower can go faster, but it becomes more dangerous because the front wheels leave the ground, making steering especially difficult. *--- Man ticketed for drunken horse ride ---* DENHAM SPRINGS, La. - A Louisiana man busted for drunkenly riding his horse down a stretch of highway said he believes his choices were safe because "the horse knows the way home." The Livingston Parish Sheriff's Office said Jake Williams drove his truck and horse trailer to a daiquiri shop in Denham Springs and he decided to ride the horse rather than drive home in the early morning hours Tuesday. Williams was stopped while riding the horse, named Sugar, on the side of Highway 16. Deputies issued Williams a summons for disturbing the peace by public intoxication. The sheriff's office said riding a horse would not qualify Williams for a DWI. A family member was summoned to take Williams and his horse home. Williams said he thought riding the horse home was a good idea. "When you get a little too much to drink, why not ride a horse?" he told WBRZ-TV. "It's safer that way. The horse knows the way home." However, Williams said he learned his lesson from the summons and will refrain from riding while intoxicated in the future. *--- Burglars hit Verizon store, steal fake phones ---* COLUMBUS, Ohio - Police in Ohio's capital said thieves broke into a Verizon store, but the only items they managed to steal were fake phones used as display pieces. Columbus police said the early Wednesday burglary at the store caused significant damage to the store, but the only items stolen were fake phones installed for display after the store was previously targeted by thieves. Police said the culprits used large rocks to break the glass back door of the shop and they cut or ripped the phony cellphones from display areas. Investigators said the store's real phones are locked in a vault by employees every night. *--- What could go wrong? ---* Ghost Robotics and SWORD International have teamed up to create a rifle-toting "robot dog." Called the Special Purpose Unmanned Rifle, or SPUR, the system adds a 6.5mm Creedmoor rifle from SWORD to one of Ghost Robotics' quadrupedal unmanned ground vehicles, or Q-UGVs. The SPUR made its debut on the show floor at the Association of the U.S. Army's main annual convention in Washington, D.C. Though Ghost Robotics is partnered with a number of other companies to explore defense and security applications, among others, for its Q-UGVs, this appears to be the first example of one of these unmanned systems with an actual weapon mounted on it. Ghost Robotics has said that SPUR can be instructed remotely to chamber the first round from an unloaded state, as well as clear the chamber and safe the gun. ========================================================= >-->From TheGroaner: ,////, /// 6| // _| _/_,-' _.-/'/ \ ,/;, ,-' /' \_ \ / _/ `\ / _/\ ` / | /, `\_/ | \' pb /\_ /` /\ /' /_``--.__/\ `,. / \ |_/` `-._ `\/ `\ `. `-.__/' `\ | `\ \ `\ \ \_\__ \___) Stacy and I just got back from Boston. We ventured out east to celebrate my lovely wife's upcoming birthday. We took in the sights, learned some interesting facts about our nation's history, and learned how to pronounce a few words in the classic Bostonian dialect. Here are a few of those words and they wonderful new way we learned to say them... 1. Car - CAAAAAR! 2. Harbor - HAAAAAAABAR! 3. Bar - BAAAAAR! 4. Perfect - PAAAAAARFECT! 5. Uber - UBAAAAAAAR! 6. Green Monster - GREEN MAAAAAANSTAR! 7. The Boston Tea Party - THAAAA BOSTAAAAAN TEA PAAAAARTY! 8. Are - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARE! 9. Havard - HAAAAAAAAVAAAAAAAAAD! 10. Marathon - MARATHAAAAAAAAAAN! The last one was because, unbeknownst to us, the Boston Marathon was Monday and we had no idea whatsoevAAAAAAAA! You see?! I can't help myself! Groaningly yours, Steve -<>- ___ .-""-. ___ \ "-. / \ .-" / > -=.\/ \/.=- < > -='/\ /\'=- < /__.-' \ / '-.__\ jgs '-..-' >Too Much Candy Little Johnny was on a park bench stuffing all of his Halloween candy in his mouth. An old lady came over and said, "Son, don't you know that eating all of that candy will rot your teeth, give you acne, and make you sick?" "My grandfather lived to be 105 years old!" replied Johnny. "Did he eat five candy bars at a sitting?" the old lady retorted. "No," said Johnny, "but he minded his own freakin' business!" -<>- >What Are Gonna Be? Guy 1: What are you gonna be for Halloween? Guy 2: Drunk! -<>- .o######0o. 0###########0. . o####" "######0. (## m#o ####( ######0 ._ ##.##"nn 0####o ###" ## (##o.######" o00o. 0#####o,##. ,#" "#######( .0#####0. 0###########0 ######## .0#######0. "0#########" _.o###'"00" .0###########o._ ""################ _ . 0####" "#########################0 .0#0n0 #####. ""#####################" _ 0##### 0#####. "###################._.o##o.#####" "0#####..##mn ""############################# "0#######""_ ""##################"#####" ""####m###m ""############" #### .########""" .########" "##" ####"##"###o (0######" "" "##".###,## .o#o ""####. "##" .0############. .n##RADIUS####### >Q and A Quickies Q: What kind of roads do ghosts haunt? A: Dead ends! Q: How do you make a witch itch? A: Take away the W! Q: Why don't ghosts like rain on Halloween? A: It dampens their spirits! Q: Why did the vampire get fired from the Blood Bank? A: He was caught drinking on the job. Q: How do ghosts begin letters? A: Tomb it may concern. Q: Why didn't the Invisible Man get invited to the Halloween party? A: They knew he wouldn't show up. Q: What happened when the werewolf swallowed a clock? A: He got ticks! Q: Why are graveyards so noisy? A: Because of all the coffin! Q: Why wouldn't the skeleton go on the roller coaster? A: No guts. Q: Why did the monster eat a light bulb? A: Because he was in need of a light snack. .-. (o.o) |=| __|__ //.=|=.\\ // .=|=. \\ \\ .=|=. // \\(_=_)// (:| |:) || || () () || || || || l42 ==' '== Q: When does a skeleton laugh? A: When something tickles his funny bone. -<>- _____ / \ (____/\ ) |___ U?(____ _\L. | \ ___ / /"""\ /.-' | |\ | ( / _/u | \___|_)_| \| \\ / / \_(___ __) | \\ / / | | | | ) _/ / ) | | _\__/.-' /___( | | _/ __________/ \ | | // / ( ) | | ( \__|___\ \______ /__|____| \ (___\ |______)_/ \ |\ \ \ / \ | \__ ) )___/ \ \ )/ /__( ___ | /_//___| \_________ _/ ( / OUuuu \ `----'(____________) Michael Reeung >Here are a few things I was thinking about... If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what do you have to eat to keep the dentist away? Why does everything taste like chicken? What do the French call French Toast, French Bread, and French Fries? What be a pirate's favorite letter? Do you think it be "R" or would it be the "C" they love the most! Oh, and here's a joke from reader that he asked me to share. Q: What do u call Halloween bees? A: boo bees! ========================================================= >-->From CleanLaffs: _._ .' '. / \ ___ _.. _.--. | / |.' `'. ;-._ .' `\ .' `\ \| / \ .' `\/ ; / _ \.=..=./ _.' / | `\.---._| '. .-'-.}`.<>.`{-'-. / .--; . ( .' '. \ .---.{ <>()<> }.--..-' / _ \_ './ _. `-./ _},'<>`.{_ `\ ( = \ )`""'\;--. .' .-'/ )=..=;`\`- \ {= (| ) /`. ( / /| \ ) ( =_/ )__..-\ .'-..___.' : '.___..-' \ }/ / ;.____.-;/\ | ` | '--' | .' | \ \ /'. _.' \ ' / |\.\ ; /`--.-' ) .'`-. / \ \ |`| /__.-' \_.'jgs \ \ |-| Early in their marriage, my Dad did something really stupid. My Mom chewed him out for it. He apologized, they made up. However, from time to time, my mom mentions what he had done. "Honey," my Dad finally said one day, "why do you keep bringing that up? I thought your policy was 'forgive and forget.'" "It is," she said. "I just don't want you to forget that I've forgiven and forgotten." -<>- Working for a pediatrician calls for stifling a chuckle from time to time. When a frantic mother phoned to tell us her baby had a high temperature of 102, we had to know whether she was taking the reading under the arm, in the mouth or elsewhere. So we asked, "How are you taking it?" Her reply, "Oh, I'm holding up pretty well!" -<>- An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, 'Last week we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great.. I would recommend it.' The other man said, 'What is the name of the restaurant?' The first man thought and thought and finally said, 'What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know.... The one that's red and has thorns.' 'Do you mean a rose?' 'That's the one,' replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, 'Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?' -<>- ______ _____ \ \. ./ /| |`\_____\ /_____/ | |` | | | | '| | | | | | | __-====-__ _| | | | | |_ __-====-__ (~< >~> \ | | | | / (~< >~> !~~-====-~~/----`+----/ \----+----\~~-====--~~! \ \___ / \ ___/ / >------\ \ < > / /------< <_________________> <_________________> I was traveling through Georgia last summer and stopped at a little backwoods country store. In the men's room there was a handwritten sign above the malfunctioning potty which said, "Please Wiggel Handel". Below that some wit had written, "If I do, will it wiggel Bach?" -<>- While waiting in line at a busy airport check-in counter, I noticed a set of rambunctious little boys in front of me. As the line inched along, their mother tried in vain to get them to calm down. Finally she reached the counter, where the ticket agent asked her, "Have any of the items you plan to take with you on this flight been out of your immediate control since your arrival at the airport?" The young mother replied honestly, "The luggage, no; the children, yes." -<>- ,-`"-=') =/////// ,== _,_(((((-`6\ ==.| /,,...\\\C _| .--. ((((\\\\\` _, /;_| )9 )))))./ `. / } _\,_ ,-'))) \ / /=-. ,-./ \/ '))) . /\_/ / \ (,-.%\ / /-' ') \/\ / ( \ (/ \ ' /( ' `-/ \( \ ,- / ( `-' \ . / / \ \ &_) /\ \ | ( /--.- \ \----,------=;% | _/ _); `. ` `-. .`\ ) +++/ \ ,," %&-. ; \\| `-` `-=.;_,.__.__\_,/ )_/___+_/_________\,"(_//_(__)______:-._) gpyy >ACTUAL EXCERPTS FROM STUDENT SCIENCE EXAMS: Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the organ of the species. Benjamin Franklin produced electricity by rubbing cats backwards. The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think. Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillers. The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation. The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours. To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube. Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about. The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects. Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire. A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold. A triangle which has an angle of 135 degrees is called an obscene triangle. When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier. For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth. To remove dust from the eye, pull the eye down over the nose. For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead. When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide. ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: ________ _jgN########Ngg_ _N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_ d###P N####p "^^" T#### d###P _g###@F _gN##@P gN###F" d###F 0###F 0###F 0###F "NN@' ___ q###r "" >JEST FOR KIDS - THE RIDDLES Q: How do you make a skeleton laugh? A: By tickling his funny bone. (Daily Groaner) Q: What do you call a pea from the '60s? A: A hip pea (Rachel, 11) Q: When should baseball players wear armor? A: When they play knight games (Tei, 8) Q: Why do teachers wear sunglasses? A: Because their students are so bright! (Alexa, 8) Q: Why is a sofa like a roast chicken? A: Because they're both full of stuffing! (Joanna) Q: Why do grocery clerks make you pick paper or plastic? A: Because baggers can't be choosers. (Jay Salinger) Q: Why did the pony's hoof make a funny sound? A: Because his horseshoe was a ringer. (Hilario,10) Q: What do you call a lizard with a platinum hip-hop album? A: Rap-tile! (Daily Groaner) Q: Why couldn't the athlete listen to his music? A: Because he broke the record! (James, 11) Q: What did Sir Lancelot wear to bed? A: A knight gown (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies) Q: What did the blanket say to the bed? A: "Don't worry, I've got you covered!" (Susan, 11) Q: Where should you put the officers in a military orchestra? A: In the brass section (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) Q: What happens when a cat eats a lemon? A: It becomes a sourpuss. (Kyle, 9) Q: Why did the teacher say Johnny's grades were were under water? A: They were all below "C" level (Andy 12) Q: Why did the lady go outdoors with her purse open? A: Because she expected some change in the weather. (Douglas Helsel) Q: Did you hear about the successful school play? A: It was a class act. (Mike Benny) Q: What happens when it rains cats and dogs? A: You have to been careful not to step in a poodle. (Andrew Garcia) Q: Why did the butcher make his sausages with meat at one end but only corn meal at the other? A: Because in hard economic times it's difficult to make both ends meat. (Lederer & Ertner) Q: Why did the urban gang cross the road? A: To ghetto the other side. (Bob Dvorak) Q: What did the big French fry say to the little French fry? A: Ketchup (Rachael, 7) Q: Why did the boy call his pet pig Ballpoint? A: It was a pen name. (Lederer & Ertner) Q: Which line did the comedian stand in at the dance? A: The punch line (Daily Groaner) Q: What did the the Roman emperor say when he saw his best friend scarf down an entire can of Starkist? Q: Et tuna, Brute? (Sean) Q: Which is worth more an old ten dollar bill or a new one? A: An old ten-dollar bill is always worth more than a new ONE. (Douglas Helsel) Q: Why does the little moron save burned-out light bulbs? A: So he can use them in his darkroom. (Bill Edwards) Q: Why are fish so smart? A: Because they swim in schools. (Rosie O'Donnell) Q: What animals would you expect to pray? A: The praying mantis, the church mouse, the holy see anemone and the papal tiger (Michael Bass) Q: What does a porcupine like to do when playing volleyball? A: Spike. (Pun of the Day) Q: What did his friends say when the watchmaker wrote a book? A: "It's about time" (Zoe, 9) Q: What flower is in between your nose and your chin? A: Two lips! (Douglas Helsel) Q: Why was the sheep arrested on the freeway? A: Because she did a ewe-turn! (Betty, 8) Q: Why did the little moron go to night school? A: So he could learn to read in the dark. (Bill Edwards) -<>- . '@(@@@@@@@)@. (@@) ` . ' . @@'((@@@@@@@@@@@)@@@@@)@@@@@@@)@ @@(@@@@@@@@@@))@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@)@@` . @.((@@@@@@@)(@@@@@@@@@@@@@@))@\@@@@@@@@@)@@@ . (@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@)@@@@@@@@@@@\\@@)@@@@@@@@) (@@@@@@@@)@@@@@@@@@@@@@(@@@@@@@@//@@@@@@@@@) ` .@(@@@@)##&&&&&(@@@@@@@@)::_=(@\\@@@@)@@ . .' @@`(@@)###&&&&&!!;;;;;;::-_=@@\\@)@`@. ` @@(@###&&&&!!;;;;;::-=_=@.@\\@@ ' ` @.#####&&&!!;;;::=-_= .@ \\ ####&&&!!;;::=_- ` ###&&!!;;:-_= ##&&!;::_= ##&&!;:= ##&&!:- #&!;:- #&!;= #&!- #&= jgs #&- \\#/' ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ >JEST FOR KIDS - THE PUNS When the tornado hunters spotted the twister, they were blown away. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) Why do people eat pretzels since they are knot food? (Tony Thoennes) Sign in the window of a pillow company: For sale-all it takes is a small down payment. I'm writing a screenplay about a seaside romance. it's a classic buoy-meets-gull story. (Anne Kostick) The comic book artist drew a blank (Marsha Coleman) The tailor viewed his ability to weave steel garments as one of his strong suits. (Daniel Elbirt) Sign on a rodeo gate: Broncho riders needed immediately. Big bucks possible! I used to run a doughnut shop, but I got tired of the hole business. (Anne Kostick) "Waiter! There's a twig in my soup!" "My apologies, sir, I'll inform the branch manager." (Phill Rock) Show me a man that has braces on his teeth and I'll show you a man who has put his money where his mouth is. Did you hear about the tire dealer that had a blowout sale? (Tony Thoennes) What do you get if you mix Snoopy and breakfast? A beagle and cream cheese! (Betty Debnam: Mighty Funnies) Jack sold a cow for some beans, came home to his mother, and spilled the beans. (Pun of the Day) It's a real dollars and cents wedding. He hasn't any dollars and she hasn't any sense. (Anna Kostick) "I don't care what you've discovered, you still should have written!" (Christopher Columbus's Mother) People like to help him out just as soon as he comes in! (Lucetta Myers) A music company put pianos outside for a sale, but protected their internal organs (Pun of the Day) A few years ago, I opened the invitation to my great-great uncle's 100th birthday party. On the front ~ in bold letters ~ it screamed, "If he's heard it once, he's heard it a hundred times. Happy Birthday, Sam!" (Marsha Coleman) "All right, if you're not hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me!" (Napoleon's Mother) When the doctor mounted a diagram of the brain, he established a frame of mind. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) Have you heard of the dental practice that was rotten to it's roots? (Joan DeGrave) "Again with the hat! Why can't you wear a baseball cap like the other kids?" (Abraham Lincoln's Mother) I almost got married a few times, but fortunately, they were only near-Mrs. (Anne Kostick) The valedictorian wore to her interview for college a smart suit. (Jumble: Arnold & Argirlon) . . :"-. .-"; |:`.`.__..__.'.';| || :-" "-; || :; :; / .==. .==. \ : _.--._ ; ; .--.' `--' `.--. : : __;` ':__ ; ; ' '-._:;_.-' ' : '. `--' .' ."-._ _.-". .' ""------"" `. /`- -'\ /`- -'\ :`- .' `. -'; ; / \ : : : ; ; ; ; : : ':_:.' '.;_;' :_ _; ; "-._ -" :`-. _.._ :_ () _; "--::__. `. \"- -"/`._ : .-"-. -"-. ""--..____.' / .__ __. \ : / , / "" \ . \ ; bug "-:___..--" "--..___;-" "Do you sell cats meat?" "Yes, as long as they are accompanied by a human being." (Bruce A. G. Calder) "This you call a smile, after all the money your father and I spent on braces?" (Mona Lisa's Mother) As a mother was bribing her little boy with a quarter so he would behave, she said, "Why do I always have to pay you to be good, why can't you be good for nothing like your dad?" "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and go to sleep!" (Thomas Edison's Mother) He bought a plate with four corners so he could have a square meal. (Pun of the Day) Senators William B. Spong of Virginia and Hiram Fong of Hawaii, sponsored a bill recommending the mass ringing of church bells to welcome the arrival in Hong Kong of the U.S. table tennis team, after its tour of Communist China. The bill failed to pass, cheating the Senate out of passing the Spong-Fong Hong Kong Ping Pong Ding Dong Bell Bill. -<>- _,,,_ .' `'. / ____ \ | .'_ _\/ / ) a a| .----. / ( > | /| '--. ( ) ._ / || ]| `-. ) _/-.__.'`\ || ]| ::| ( .-'`-. \__ ) || ]| ::| `/ `-./ `. || ]| ::| _ | \ \ \ \| ]| .-' / \| \ \ \ \ L.__ .--'( | |\ `. / / \ ,---|_ \---------, | `\'. '. /`\ \/ .--._|=- |_ /| | \ '. '._ './`\/ .-' '. / | | | `'. `;-:-;`)| |-./ | | /_ `'--./_ ` )/'-------------')/) | \ | `""""----"`\//`""`/,===..'`````````/ ( | | | / `---` `===' / ) | / \ / / ( | | '------. |'--------------------'| ) | \ `-| | / | `--...,______| | ( | | | | | ) ,| | | | | ( /|| | | | | )/ `" / \ | | (/ jgs .' /I\ '.| | /) .-'_.'/ \'. | | / ``` `"""` `| .-------------------.|| `"` `"` My daughter Marina worked in my law office while she attended graduate school. One morning a call came in for her. I said she wasn't in yet and offered to take a message. The caller said she'd phone back later. At 11:00 a.m., the caller tried again, and I reported that Marina had gone to lunch. The last call came in at 3:30 p.m. "I'm sorry," I said, "she's left for the day. May I take a message?" "Yes," the caller replied. "How can I get a job with you?" -<>- A German, an Italian and a Redneck were on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: 1.. to be shot 2.. to be hung 3.. to be injected with the A.I.D.S. virus. So the German said,"Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly). Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.) Then the Redneck said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Redneck fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy. Then the Redneck said "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over. So finally the warden said, "What the hell is wrong with you?" The Redneck replied, "You guys are so stupid, I'm wearing a condom!" -<>- __ __ __ \ \ / / ,'__`. \ ` / / / \ \ ___ | | \ \__/ / /:;'` |_| `.__,' :::\ _________ ;:::\ _.-'',' : `.``-._ _..::::::::.._ ,-'___ ; : : ___`-. `'::::::::::'' ,',',---`. : ,'---.`.`. _):::::(_ / /,'::::::\ ,^. /::::::`.\ \ |:::::::::: / ,`--...___/ /:::\ \___...--'. \ |:::::::::| / : : /_____\ : : \ ::::::::::: : : : : : : : ;::::::::::: | : : ___ : ___ : ; | ::::::::::::| | _:..-'_'.-.\__:__/,-.`_`-..:_ | ::::::::::::: : :.--'''::::::`---'::::::```--,; ; \:::::::::;' \ \\:::::::::::::::::::::::::// / :::::::::| \ \\:::___:::::::::::___:::// / |::::::::: \ `::|--:\:::::::::/;--|:;' / ;:::::::::\ `. `' \\_______// '' ,' ::::::::::::\ `-._`. ``-----'' ,'_.-' |::::::::::::: `-.._`.___,'_..-' ;::::::::::::| ____ _ _ __ __ ____ _ _ _ __ _ ::::::::::::::| | _ \ | | | || \ / || _ \ | |/ /| || \ | | |:::::::::::::| | |_) )| | | || . ` , || |_) )| ' / | || . \| | |:::::::::::::| | __/ | |_| || |\_/| || __/ | . \ | || |\ ' | |:::::::::::::: |_| `.___,'|_| |_||_| |_|\_\|_||_| \__| ;::::::::::::::\ _ _ _____ _ ____ ::::::::|\:::::::\ | | | || ___| / \ | _ \ |:::::::||\:::::::: | |_| || |_ / _ \ | | \ \ |:::::::|| :::::::| | _ || _|_ / ___ \ | |_/ / ::::::::|| |::::::; |_| |_||_____|/_/ \_\|____/ SSt `:::::;'' ::::::/ \::;' >Redneck Halloween Special Signs Your Mobile Home is Haunted 1. Your can of Skoal mysteriously floats through the air. 2. Blood drips out of your simulated wood paneling. 3. The eyes on the velvet Elvis painting move. 4. The room is spinning, and you're not even drunk yet. 5. That car in your front yard isn't on blocks -- it's levitating by itself. 6. Your dog, Bo, gets sucked into the TV set, and he's blocking your view of rasslin'. 7. That mysterious scratching below the floorboards? The Telltale Raccoon. 8. The chain the ghost rattles is attached to his wallet. 9. You feel an eerie presence every time "Freebird" plays on the radio. 10. The trailer is shaking, but there's no tornado in sight. (I'd just think this was my son or daughter in their bedroom! - J.R.) 11. Your Dale Earndhart bed sheets have eyeholes cut in them. 12. The ghost is completely invisible except for the tobacco juice running down his chin. 13. Mysterious footsteps seem to be stomping out "Achy Breaky Heart." 14. There's a funny howlin' noise comin' from the corn crib -- no wait, that's just Jimmy. 15. You hear strange moaning - but only during Shania Twain videos. 16. You're missing four PBR's, and the missus only drinks Old Milwaukee. 17. The lights turn on and off even though you paid the power bill. 18. You hear blood-curdling screams, but both neighbors are still in jail. 19. You get a mysterious phone call that says, "I know what you did last NASCAR race." 20. Instead of saying "Boo," the ghost says "Boo-ya'll!" 21. The veneer of window grime looks just like Calvin ... and he's taking a leak on YOU! 22. Instead of naked women, your playing cards, all of a sudden, have pictures of covered bridges on them. 23. The folks on Jenny Jones discuss domestic problems that eerily resemble your own. 24. You get a creepy feelin' and it ain't because that Richard Simmons is on TV. 25. You come home one day and it's ... clean! -<>- >Diamonds Morris ran into Jacob while shopping at the mall the other day in front of one of the jewelry stores. Noticing a conspicuously small gift wrapped box in his hand Morris asked if was a gift for Jacob's wife, Becky. Jacob told Morris, "With Christmas coming up and I asked Becky what she wanted and she said, 'Oh, I don't know just give me something with lots of diamonds in it'.'" "So what did you get her?" Morris asked. Jacob smiled and replied, "I bought her a deck of cards!" -<>- _______ ,,--'' ''--,, ,-' '-, / \ | | | | | |\ /| | |\ | | \ / | | /| | \ | | '-, ,-' | | / | | '-| | '-, ,-' | |-' | | | \ / | | | | ,-;;/ \;;-, | | | ,' \__|;;;/ , , \;;;|__/ ', | \/ | | \/ / ,-| |-, \ ; \ / ; \ '-, ,-' / '-,, ' ,,-' '-, \'-, ,-' ', \ ''--,, ,' \ ''--,, / / |\ /| |( )| |'-, ,-'| low ''-,-'' >Clues You Could Be A Redneck... You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter. You've ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil. You think the Bud Bowl is real. Your dog goes "oink!" You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive. Your mailbox is made out of old auto parts. You know how to milk a goat. Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache. Your TV gets 512 channels, but you go outside to use the bathroom. You've ever stood outside a bathroom and heckled someone inside. Turning on your lights involves pulling a string. You have a refrigerator just for beer. You come back from the dump with more than you took. Your wife owns a camouflage nightie. You've ever worn cowboy boots with Bermuda shorts. You don't think baseball players spit and scratch too much. You think the Styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve yourselves. The most common phrase heard in your house is, "Somebody go jiggle the handle." You can't take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants. -Mike's Jokes Room ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Akiane: Child Prodigy! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy.html Awesome Bikes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/awesomebikes.html Beautiful Rare Flowers! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rareflowers.html Cat In A Box! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catinbox.html Volkner Mobile RV! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rv.html Giant Catfish! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/giantcfish.html Wood Chip Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodart.html Car Show 2! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carshow2.html Birth Of An Island! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/island.html World's Fastest Cars! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fastcars.html ANIMATIONS... devil, dragon http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs.html Fall, Frankenstein, Ghost, Halloween, Haunted House http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_f-j.html Monsters http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_k-o.html Pumpkins http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_p-t.html The following page allows you to use the left hand side letters to display all the graphics at once on one page - [Word: = Comments Hal and Hallo = Halloween] Vampire, Vulture, Witch, Wolf, Words:Hal-boop, Words:Hallo http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/agifs_u-z.html Full Fall And Halloween Index! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/halloweenindex.html -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Imagine how painful it would be to eat a hamburger with a bee sting on your tongue. There are some really cool and interesting clips including the athlete who has an amazing vertical leap and the drone video of the Italian countryside. https://youtu.be/hvQUCF3XPJc Getting stalked by an Orca would be an uncomfortable feeling. I love the cat that says hello to the girl in the car. I hope you enjoyed the videos and have a wonderful day! https://youtu.be/f_iCs1fz1Pw If you have a burning desire to say you set foot in Area 51 then just walk through the main gate as security isn’t too concerned about this. https://youtu.be/5Hkam2uu2rY The scary mask will be a big hit on Halloween. https://youtu.be/OF1lSg_fWew See a kid on a bike being attacked by a Magpie in Australia, an expanding mattress, and a really big youth football player in your Daily Dose Of Internet. Magpies are aggressive birds and are known for protecting their territory. The works of art created using colored rice are truly amazing. https://youtu.be/hmR21-4iWyI --- ...Awesome collection! Thanks LouiseAu! Heidi Klum gives Léa Kyle the Golden Buzzer after this iconic quick-change performance to 'Swish Swish' and 'Part of Me' by Katy Perry. https://youtu.be/ddlImQbD-sI Master illusionist Jiang Hao seems to have a crush on his assistant. https://youtu.be/0lmf6DOs0w8 Jerome Murat with his stunning cabaret show ‘The Living Statue’. https://youtu.be/wkCmmuiDFcg --- ...Amazing! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "Google just released a pair of headphones that can translate 40 languages instantly. They say it's a great way to travel to a new country and find out everyone's making fun of you." -Jimmy Fallon "According to a new report, Nigeria owes New York City over $500,000 in unpaid parking tickets for its foreign diplomats. Nigeria apologized and said they'll pay the fines right away if we send them our bank account number, our PIN, and our mother's maiden name." -Seth Meyers "A New York fitness expert has released an exercise book for nuns called, 'Changing Habits: The Sister's Workout.' The Vatican rejected the original title, 'Nuns of Steel.'" --Conan O'Brien "Germany has just rolled out a new law banning hate speech. The law is tricky to implement because everything sounds like hate speech when it's spoken in German." -Conan O'Brien "Scientists have invented a way for you to change channels on your TV with gestures. Yeah, it's great for people who like watching sports completely still. 'Wow! What a catch - nobody move! Oh, now we're watching Lifetime.'" -Jimmy Fallon "A new study has determined that people in relationships can detect infidelity in their partner's voice. Especially when their voice says, 'You're home early!'" -Seth Meyers "A new study says that a lack of sleep can actually make you happier. When they heard that, new moms were like, 'You wanna say that to my face?'" -Jimmy Fallon "Fast-food chain Arby's is serving a limited-edition Cookie Butter Milkshake. And any customers who order it will also be limited-edition." -Seth Meyers >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $26 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all web site list readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe **********************************************************************