Thanksgiving Leftovers And More... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our ShangyFunList: Group Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: bcrsystems@earthlink.net ================ *~* Please Consider Giving To ShangralaFamilyFun.com :) The cost of the website has gone up dramatically due to the ever increasingly wonderful pages and photos being added each week to entertain you and our fellow Christian families. If every one would chip in $20 or more, we'd be good for the whole year! So Please - I need your help today! "We are each of us angels with but one wing, and can only fly by embracing each other" -Luciano Decrescenzo ~ CALLING ALL CARING ANGELS ~ *~* WE NEED CARING And SHARING Angels *~* >Do You Want To Be A Shangrala Angel? If you'd like to help and be counted as a Shangrala Angel, the easiest way to do that is through online giving. It is easy to use, and most of all, it is secure. Please visit the site, scroll down and click on the donate button. A Secure PAYPAL form page comes up. NOTE: Paypal will generate a 'Quantity 1' and 'Price per item' form. Just ignore the price per item and put whatever it is you desire to give in there. With Paypal, you will have your normal receipt for your 'payment' donation in USD (United States Dollars). You can put a memo in there if you'd like. EVERY LITTLE BIT WILL HELP! Any amount is greatly appreciated and needed! PLEASE Visit Shangrala to Help: http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/index.html OR If you'd rather send us a donation, Please MAIL it here: Elrhea Bigham 502 S. Harrison Van Wert, OH 45891 *~* THANK YOU! MAY GOD BLESS YOU ABUNDANTLY FOR YOUR GIFT! ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! -<>- * NOTE: An easy way to adjust the size of print in email or any page is to hold down the Ctrl tab while moving the scroll button on the mouse. You can also use the keyboard to change the font size in your web browser or emails. Hold down the Ctrl key while pressing the + key for larger text or the - key for smaller text! ================ __ __ ,-' `' \ _---``-- / _ _ ; __ `. / / `' \; /`----- ) / .-/ ,( ), \-. ; | \( \ / )/; | - _5 `7 -; / ( ___-' `-____ | ( ___`-_ \ ____| \ / `,/ \ _(\__ / \ \ ; \ .' /' `i. / | | \ _-'( _\__-/ `- | | ` ,` `_ | BP * Don't forget to follow us on social media for our latest updates and uproarious funny and inspiring pages! On Facebook: https://tinyurl.com/y8dcm8x7 -<>- _ _|_|_ ,|_| |_|_ || | | |_| || | | | | || | | | | _|| | | | | ||)\ ^ ^ ^ | || | | || | | || | | \\ | \\ / ejm )\ ( / \ \ / \ \ \ \ *~* Our hearts and prayers go out to Israel. May God bless, strengthen and heal them through Christ Jesus. -<>- >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) This too hot to handle new page is from our friends Linda and LouiseAu. It is one that is sure to give you your aww quota for the day! Take a little time out and visit it here: n__n_ / = =\ / ._Y_) ___________/ "\________________________________ (_/ (_, \ o!O \ ( \_,--""""--. __..-,-`.___,-` )-.______.' <' `-,' `-, )-' > `----._/ ( /"`>.--" "--..___,--" Picture Perfect Animals! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/perfectanimals.html --- ...So adorable! Thanks Ladies! ======================================================== >-->From AJokeADay: .---. /) .' `\/) / _ .'`/| jgs ,=( __\ (__/_/==, `==================` We visited our newly married daughter, who was preparing her first Thanksgiving dinner. I noticed the turkey thawing in the kitchen sink with a dish drainer inverted over the bird. I asked why a drainer covered the turkey. Our daughter turned to my wife and said, “Mom, you always did it that way.” “Yes,” my wife replied, “but you don’t have a cat!” -<>- Little Penny sees Little Millie coming back from girl scouts with several new badges. Penny: "Say, what didja get that badge for?" Millie: "For singing." Penny: "Ooh, nice! And what didja get that badge for?" Millie: "For not singing anymore." -<>- My favorite animal is my dog, because every time I ask him, "How do I look?"... He always answers me by saying, "Wow! Wow!" -<>- Fresh out of seminary, a young pastor found an associate position at a prestigious church. One Sunday early on, he was given the opportunity to preach. He prepared diligently - perhaps a bit too excited to use all the learning he'd acquired - and worked hard to make his words eloquent and smooth. Shaking hands at the end of the service, he was approached by one of the older ladies who was known and respected in both the church and community. "Sir," she said with a smile, "your sermon was like the peace of God!" The young preacher's grin widened and his chest puffed a bit, until she continued on... "It surpassed ALL understanding!" -<>- After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my recruiter what I could expect from jump training. "Well," he said, "it's three weeks long." "What else?" I asked. "The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said. "The second week, they separate the men from the fools." "And the third week?" I asked. "The third week, the fools jump." -<>- My neighbor is single, shapely, beautiful, and she lives right across the street. I watched her as she got home from work this evening. I was surprised when she walked across the street, up my driveway and knocked on my door. I opened the door, she looked at me and said, ”I just got home, and I have this strong urge to have a good time, get drunk, and have fun tonight. Are you doing anything?” I quickly replied, “Nope, I’m free!” “Great” she said. ”Can you watch my dog?” -<>- _.-'`'-._ .-' _ '-. `-.__ `\_.-' | `-``\| jgs `-.....-A # # >Facts Of The Day * The First Thanksgiving Holiday It was on October 3, 1863 that then US President, Abraham Lincoln, declared Thanksgiving a national holiday. * Busy Day for Plumbers Black Friday is the busiest day of the year for shoppers, right? It is also the busiest day of the year for another group of people... plumbers. Only difference is they refer to it as ‘Brown Friday’ [I know, gross]. But it’s not what you think. The calls for the day after Thanksgiving are usually kitchen sink and garbage disposal related. * Napoleon Suffered from Ailurophobia French military leader Napoléon Bonaparte was known for many things during the French Revolution and also during his reign as the Emperor of France. One of those would be his fear of cats. Bonaparte suffered from ailurophobia, a phobia that is an extreme or irrational fear of cats. * Sweden On A Sunday Morning September 3, 1967 started out as the typical Sunday morning in Sweden. Except for one little detail. This was the day that Swedish officials decided to switch from driving on the left side to driving on the right side of the road. Apparently not everyone was aware of this switch. There was chaos, confusion, and crashes. * Brazil Reading Program One can be released early from prison for good behavior. In one country, one can get out early for reading books. Due to overcrowding in Brazil’s prison system, the government of Brazil has a program in place in which a prisoner can reduce his/her sentence by 4 days for every book they read. Inmates read a book, submit a book report, and if approved they will spend 4 days less in the penitentiary system. __ .--.;_.'-. _., \__.' ;@ '. .'; `. ; __..-"'o ; ;' ; ;_/ ._.-' '. } : / `. _i/v\. ; i',; ( \_.' .(_) ; ' /{ \/ '. .r_.' .'\ ; .' .''-';_ ; ''-. ; / '.`. \ ; '. ; '. '._.; _ ; ; ; \.' '.__.-i ; fsc 'wWw' "wWw' * Spy Squirrels In 2007, fourteen squirrels were arrested in Iran. Yes, you read correctly. Fourteen squirrels were spotted near a nuclear enrichment plant and taken in for questioning by the Iranian army. What was their crime? What were they being charged with? Espionage. Apparently they were “spy squirrels”. ======================================================== +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ November 27 is Cyber Monday Monday after Thanksgiving and Pins and Needles Day November 28 is French Toast Day, Make Your Own Head Day and Red Planet Day November 29 is Chia Pet Day and Square Dance Day November 30 is National Mason Jar Day and Stay At Home Because You Are Well Day December 1 is Eat a Red Apple Day and World Aids Awareness Day December 2 is National Fritters Day December 3 is Advent Begins and National Roof over Your Head Day ======================================================== >-->From Mikey'sFunnies: ####### ##[_]## ,;###########;, <<:{{\|@___@|/}}:>> <<:{{| ( /___\\) \}}:>> <<:{{/\ \\___/( /\}}:>> <<<<:{{| \ _.| |(_\/ |}}:>>>> <<<:{{|`\,'| '-' |'./`|}}:>>> <<<:{{|`\/ \___/ \/`|}}:>>> <<<:{{ \// ) ~ ~ ( \\/ }}:>>> <<:{{`{///' ~ ^ ~ '\\\}`}}:>>> <<:{{,=`. ~ ^.~.^ ~ .`=,}}:>> `-,__.__,-' \ | / jgs // \\ .---'( )'---. `---'-` `-'---` >BUTTERBALL TURKEY TALK-LINE Over the years, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line staff has had their share of memorable calls -- inquiries that stand out from the crowd because they're heartwarming or amusing. We asked some of the veteran staff members to tell us their favorites; plus, we rounded up a bunch of our own personal favorites from the Talk-Line archives. It's hard to beat the call from a trucker who planned to cook his Thanksgiving turkey on the engine of his truck ("Will it cook faster if I drive faster?"), but some of these come pretty close. WARNING: Do not attempt to adjust your screen -- these are real incidents, true stories -- from the front lines! ~ Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line. While preparing the turkey, her Chihuahua jumped into the bird's body cavity and couldn't get out. She tried pulling the dog and shaking the bird, but nothing worked. She and the dog became more and more distraught. After calming the woman down, the Talk-Line home economist suggested carefully cutting the opening in the cavity of the turkey wider. It worked and Fido was freed! ~ Birdie, eagle and turkey? Roasting a turkey doesn't have to interfere with the daily routine, so said a retired Floridian. He called "TurkeyCentral" for turkey grilling tips while waiting to tee off from the 14th hole. ~ Taking turkey preparation an extra step, a Virginian wondered, "How do you thaw a fresh turkey?" The Talk-Line staffer explained that fresh turkeys aren't frozen and don't need to be thawed. ~ Don't wait until the last minute! On Thanksgiving Day, a Georgian woman took the "Be prepared" motto to heart. She had just agreed to host Thanksgiving Dinner and called the Talk-Line a year ahead of time for turkey tips. ~ Happy Thanksgiving, President Clinton! A Southern woman called to comment, "On Thanksgiving Day, the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line is more important than the President. He can take the day off, but the Talk-Line staff can't." (The Butterball Turkey Talk-Line is open Thanksgiving Day, 6 am to 6 pm, CST.) ~ Thanksgiving Dinner on the run. A woman called 1-800-323-4848 to find out how long it would take to roast her turkey. To answer the question, the Talk-Line home economist asked how much the bird weighed. The woman responded, "I don't know, it's still running around outside." ~ Tofu turkey? No matter how you slice it, Thanksgiving just isn't Thanksgiving without turkey. A restaurant owner in California wanted to know how to roast a turkey for a vegetarian menu. ~ White meat, anyone? A West Coast woman took turkey preparation to extremes by scrubbing her bird with bleach. Afterward, she called the Talk-Line to find out how to clean off the bleach. To her dismay, she was advised to dispose of the turkey. ~ A young girl called on behalf of her mother who needed roasting advice. To provide approximate roasting times, the home economist asked what size the turkey was. Without asking her mother the little girl paused, then replied, "Medium." ~ A novice turkey-cooking chef wanted to know if the yellow netting and wrapper around the turkey should be removed before roasting. Envisioning a melted plastic turkey blob, the home economist responded, "Yes," then offered complete roasting directions. -<>- Money can't buy happiness, but it keeps the kids in touch. -<>- .-""""-._.'| / '.| | / | / ( | -= | /| ) ( | |/`< ) ) ; -=| _| ______ \ \ / .' `. /) '._ _.-""-.< .' `\/) / / \ / ___ .--'`/| _ / | '-._( ____\ (____/_/=, ( \| \ -=/ /--;==============` ._,;'\==='-,..__/__/__.' `'--/,/ || ' \ / | / || ' \ \/ . || ; jgs / / || | | . || | / '=------| / ' ; ; ;| `-.___.___.___.___._/ >THINGS TO DO TO LIVEN UP THANKSGIVING DINNER Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that it's the new Thanksgiving Weight Loss Shake. When everyone goes around to say what they are thankful for, say, "I'm thankful I didn't get caught," and refuse to say anything more Bring a date that only talks about the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms. During mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice that the turkey was past the expiration date. You were worried for nothing." -<>- Lif is too short. -<>- He seems to me to be our resident Wise-man of Jokes... .--. , , ) .-----._ ___ < /) | | ||==|| _(())\) | | /|==|| __ .-' (()/ '-. :_____:/ |"_|/) /| _/ () \ / .-------. __.' / | oo)__/ () \ | / '=======' () / | :~ \_ ) _/ _/ /__________________/ | | |- (--|(,/ | [___o___] | | / ) \ | / [___o___] / | | ( \ | / [___o___] / | | ( | / | / | / . | |/ __ |/ | | : | <`,,'>,--,--..-, snd | |__/_____\ | / ( ( ) ) \ oo=' oo=' '-'\ ) ) ) )\ (,_)_)(_,)_/ ||| ||| ~~ ~~ It's Monday morning and it's always tough, But our buddy Mikey shows up diligently to make it less rough. He brings flavor into our lives like pepper and salt; Sometimes I don't get the joke but that's probably not Mikey's fault. There's an elderly lady that is a member at our church; If it doesn't show up in her inbox, she'll email me asking ME to search. They are so important to this elderly ol' soul, And when she reads this and sees she's in my poem, I'm hoping maybe she'll make a casserole. (Cookies would be fine too, Nancy.) Tirelessly he works to always be right on time; For those days when something happens and we don't get them, we understand, it's fine. Mikey, we thank you for your years of dedication; Knowing you're in our inbox makes us look forward to getting to our work stations. Now to all of you who are thankful and in your hearts give him a standing ovation, How about you help him out and send him a donation? http://www.mikeysfunnies.com/donate.html By Greg Hench (Mikey's favorite youth pastor) ;) -<>- When you can't find the sunshine... be the sunshine. ======================================================== >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) _ __ / \Y \ __/______\__ `~~//-@-@-\~~` C 7 | \ '='/ \__/ /\ |\ .-`\_\_//\ /-. `|o |\ __ | | | | \ |\/ / | | |o | \ /`\_/ | | | | Y / | | |o |\ / \ \ | | `--' \ \__|o_| `\ /I=[]=| |`/ ) | \ : | | |: | | |: | | |: ) ) \'.|, | |: || | |: || | |: || | |:_||_| |===|==| | | | jgs |& \ \ *( , `'-.'-. `"`"""""`""` >SMILES As the Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding along towards the north, they spotted a war party of about 50 Apaches coming at them. They turned south, but another war party appeared. They turned east and met another party of 100 braves. They turned west as their last remaining hope, and saw a party of about several hundred coming from THAT direction, too! The Lone Ranger turned to his friend and said, "Well, Tonto, this is the end, there's not much we can do." Tonto looked back at the Lone Ranger, "What you mean WE, white man?" ------------ A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to dogs or cats?" The little girl said, "I don't know... I've never eaten a dog or cat." ------------ Bob is going on vacation and sees a golf course and a sign that says "Get help from a Pro." So Bob thinks to himself wow I can get some help with my golf game. So he goes there and says to the pro "I'm going to hit a couple of golf balls and then will you tell me what I'm doing wrong?" The pro says "yeah sure." So Bob hits the first one and it goes to the right. Bob asks what he was doing wrong the pro says "loft". Bob thinks to himself "loft" what's that? Bob says "oh well" and hits another one this one goes to the right and Bob asks the pro "What did I do wrong this time?" The pro again says "loft". Bob thinks to himself "loft again" and hits another ball this one goes about 50 yds high and 100 yds out on the fairway. So Bob asks "What did I do wrong that time?" Again the pro says "loft". This time Bob asks the pro what "loft" means. The pro answers: "lack of frigging talent" ------------ A group of attorneys had to measure the height of a flag pole for evidence to support a lawsuit. They went out to the flagpole with ladders and a tape measure. They proceed to fall off the ladders and drop the tape measure, the whole thing was just a mess. An engineer comes along and sees what they're trying to do. He walks over, pulls the flagpole out of the ground, lays it flat, measures it from end to end, gives the measurements to one of the attorneys and walks away. After the engineer has gone, one attorney turns to another and laughs. "Isn't that just like an engineer. We're looking for the height, and he gives us the length" ------------ Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my son is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud." "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him a big party." ------------ A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" ----------- _____ /`.---.`\ / /.---.\ \ ; |/ e e \| ; ; \| ^ |/ | | \_=_/ | |.-"` `"-.| / `'-...-'` \ | | | , | \ './|\.' / ;._(/:\)_.; || : : || || ; : || || : : || || '.' || || + || || || || || |'-.___.-'| | | '-.__ __.-' jgs (_/`\_) A really drunk man was walking along the street one day. He was staggering quite a bit, and made two nuns that were approaching him very nervous. The two nuns split apart - one walked to the man's left and one walked to the man's right. After the nuns were past the man, he turned around and said, "Now how in the hell did she do that"? ------------ Johnny had been misbehaving and was sent to his room. After a while he emerged and informed his mother that he had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine," said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you not misbehave, He will help you." "Oh, I didn't ask Him to help me not misbehave," said Johnny. "I asked Him to help you put up with me." ------------ The man who gives in when he is wrong... is wise; The man who gives in when he is right... is married. ------------ The new pastor decided to visit the children's Sunday School. The teacher introduced him and said, "Pastor, this morning we're studying Joshua." "That's wonderful," said the new Pastor, "let's see what you're learning. Who tore down the walls of Jericho?" Little Billy shyly raised hand and offered, "Pastor, I didn't do it." Taken aback the Pastor asked, "Come on, now, who tore down the walls of Jericho?" Teacher, interrupting, said, "Pastor, Billy's a good boy. If he says he didn't do it, I believe he didn't do it." Flustered, the Pastor went to the Sunday School director and related the story to him. The Director looking worried, explained, "Well, sir, we've had some problems with Billy before. Let me talk to him and see what we can do." Really bothered now, by the answers of the teacher and the director, the new Pastor approached the deacons and related the whole story, including the responses of the teacher and the director. A white-haired gentleman thoughtfully stroked his chin and said, "Well, Pastor, I move we just take the money from the general fund to pay for the walls and leave it at that." --- ...Oh Gee! HaHaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! -<>- ________ _jgN########Ngg_ _N##N@@"" ""9NN##Np_ d###P N####p "^^" T#### d###P _g###@F _gN##@P gN###F" d###F 0###F 0###F 0###F "NN@' ___ q###r "" >REALLY? 1) Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.50 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE 2) Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? 3) If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that, one actually enjoys it?? 4) There are 3 religious truths: 1-Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah 2-Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian faith 3-Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store. 5) Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack? 6) Why is the man who invests your money called a broker? 7) Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with?? 8) If lawyers are disbarred & clergymen are defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked & dry cleaners depressed? 9) Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks? 10) What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? 11) If American mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons & forks, ever wonder what Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks? 12) Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they deliver the mail? 13) If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? 14) You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive! --- ...LOL! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================== >-->From HandyHints: \\\ ____ ________``` \ =|- [________] \ | =| | _ | | \ __ ejm |__=|- O--(_) `.______.' \ O=======(__) /|\ (/(|(\ 'Tis the most delightful baking season of the year! The kitchen is abuzz with the creation of showstopping pies, cakes, and cookies. To ensure your baking endeavors unfold seamlessly, we've assembled a comprehensive list of tips and tricks. Let's make this season your most accomplished baking venture yet! * Enhanced Cake Texture Many cake and cupcake recipes call for butter, which should be meticulously blended with sugar until achieving a creamy, fluffy consistency. To facilitate this, allow the butter and other cold ingredients, including eggs, to reach room temperature. Softened butter blends more smoothly into the batter, reducing the risk of overmixing. * Swift Softening Technique For optimal creaming of fat and sugar in batter, professionals swear by room temperature butter or shortening. To expedite the process without delaying your baking, cut the butter or shortening into small cubes and let it sit at room temperature for approximately 15 minutes. Your ingredients will be ready to cream when you are. * Pan Size Alternatives If your pans are occupied or not pristine, fear not! Here's a handy list of practical pan swaps: One 9X5? loaf pan = three 5-3/4x3x2? loaf pans One 8X4? loaf pan = two 5-3/4x3x2? loaf pans One 9? round baking pan = one 8? square baking dish Two 9? round baking pans = one 13X9? baking pan One 10? Bundt cake mold = one 10? tube pan or two 9X5? loaf pans One 13X9? baking pan = two 9? round pans or two 8? square pans Regular muffin pan (12 muffins) = mini muffin pan (36 mini muffins) * Egg Excellence For lofty meringues and cohesive batters, opt for room temperature eggs (unless the recipe specifies otherwise). Warm them by placing in a bowl of warm (not boiling) water for a few minutes. * Double Crunch for Double-Crust Pies Add an extra layer of crunch and texture to your pies with a simple trick. Lightly brush the top crust with water or egg, then sprinkle with raw sanding sugar or turbinado sugar. The result: an irresistibly crispy crust with a magical caramelized flavor. * Prep Cookie Dough in Advance Save time closer to the big day by preparing cookie dough ahead and freezing it. Most cookie doughs can be refrigerated for three to five days. Label and date the dough for food safety. Cutout cookie dough can be shaped into rounds or rolls, wrapped in plastic, while drop-cookie dough can be pre-portioned and frozen in an airtight container. * Maintain Cookie Softness with Bread Revive overbaked or slightly dry cookies by placing a slice of bread in the cookie jar for a few hours. The bread imparts moisture without making the cookies soggy. * Warm Knives for Clean Slices Achieve flawless cuts when serving cakes, pies, cheesecakes, and bars by warming your knife. Dip it in hot water, dry it, and use it for slicing. Clean the knife often and repeat for precision that elevates your slicing and presentation game. -<>- .--------. / .------. \ / / \ \ | | | | _| |________| |_ .' |_| |_| '. '._____ ____ _____.' | .'____'. | '.__.'.' '.'.__.' '.__ | YALE | __.' | '.'.____.'.' | '.____'.____.'____.'LGB '.________________.' >Unlocking the Potential of Freezers: More Than Just Ice Cubes and Frozen Pizzas! Discover the versatility of these coolers keeping products fresh, extending shelf life, and enhancing durability. From candles to clothing, freezers are a hidden gem for maximizing the utility of various household items. Here are six freezer hacks you should be in the know about. * Gum-Free Shoes: Tired of sticky gum ruining your favorite shoes? Freeze it away! Place your gum-covered shoe in a plastic bag, let it freeze for two hours, and peel off the gum effortlessly. A quick fix: an ice cube directly on the gum for 15 minutes. * Candle Magic: Make your wax candles last longer by freezing them. Store them in the freezer for 1 to 8 hours, slowing down the melting process. Bonus: Easily remove wax candles from glass jars by freezing; the wax shrinks, letting the candle slide out. * Pantyhose Power: Say goodbye to snags! Strengthen pantyhose fibers by freezing them. Submerge them in water, freeze in a plastic bag overnight, and enjoy reinforced pantyhose. One freeze is all it takes for long-lasting durability. * Cool Sleep: Beat the summer heat with a cool night's sleep. Freeze your pillowcases and sheets for a few hours before bedtime. While they won't stay cold all night, enjoy 30 to 60 minutes of refreshing coolness for a restful sleep. * Envelope Time Warp: Forgot to include something in a sealed envelope? No problem! Freeze it for an hour or two in a plastic bag, then use a knife to easily reopen it. The cold weakens the adhesive, and after editing, reseal the envelope with moisture at room temperature. * Cool Sheets for Cool Dreams: Keep your bed linens in the freezer for a frosty touch before bedtime. Experience the bliss of a cold pillowcase and sheets for 30 to 60 minutes, ensuring a refreshing start to your night." ======================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: Latest Eric Bolling: https://www.newsmaxtv.com/bolling Latest From Hannity: https://hannity.com/ Latest From American Action News: https://americanactionnews.com/ Latest From Reliable News: https://reliablenewsnow.com/ Latest From Newsmax: https://www.newsmax.com/ Latest From America First Report: https://uafreport.com/ Latest From Expose: https://expose-news.com/ Latest From Billings Report: https://billingsreport.com/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Students For Life https://tinyurl.com/yd5nxmu6 Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://tinyurl.com/y2abb8d2 -<>- >From Archives BizarreNews: Who knows what kind of potential lies locked away in the human brain waiting, perhaps, for some jolt to 'knock' it loose? Remember how Bruce Banner was turned into the Incredible Hulk by gamma rays? Well, this Colorado teenager experienced some- thing similar, except instead of a freak exposure to gamma radiation he cracked his skull open while playing lacrosse, and instead of turning into a giant, green rage monster, he developed innate musical talent. Lachlan Connors was in the sixth grade when he hit his head on the ground and sustained a concussion. Although he began to display "concerning behaviors," he was allowed to return to sports. Soon after, another concussion sent him to the hospital for weeks and Connors began suffering from epileptic seizures and mini-hallucinations. It was while recovering from this second injury that he realized he could suddenly play music with little effort. According to his mother Connors had displayed no musical talent before the accident. But now a junior in high school, Connors plays 13 instruments, including bagpipes, piano, guitar, mandolin, and karimba (what- ever that is). Connors cannot read music and plays all of the instruments by ear. And while some do question whether or not a brain injury helped uncover his talent, Connors believes it did. "I honestly think something got rewired," he said. *-- Man who wore crack shirt to court gets 3 years for drug charges --* FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla. - A Florida man who wore a sweatshirt bearing a recipe for crack cocaine to court pleaded no contest to narcotics trafficking charges. Christopher Patterson, 27, who previously served time for felony cocaine possession, entered no contest pleas Tuesday in a Fort Lauderdale courtroom to distribution and conspiracy charges related to the sale of the painkiller Oxycodone to an undercover investigator, The Smoking Gun reported Thursday. Patterson, who sentenced to three years in prison, was photographed in a courtroom last year wearing a hooded sweatshirt bearing a cartoon-like recipe for crack cocaine and a caption reading, "Stack Paper Say Nothing." The sweatshirt had a zipper pull in the shape of a handgun. The picture was taken by a lawyer who noticed the sweatshirt's images in the courtroom. *-- Teen says beaver stole his hunting rifle --* MADAWASKA, Maine - A Maine teenager said a beaver stole his rifle and dragged it underwater when he took a break from hunting to use the restroom. Nathan Baron, a student at Madawaska High School, said he was hunting Monday near his home when he decided to pop into the house for a bathroom break, the Bangor (Maine) Daily News reported Thursday. "I walked out of the woods and got on my four-wheeler and I went home," he said. Baron said he returned a short time later and noticed his Remington .30-06 rifle, which he had left leaning against a tree, was missing. He said he quickly searched the area. "There was a stream that was running about 100 feet away from me. I look, and there's a beaver hauling that gun into the water," he said. Baron said it was too late to rescue his rifle. "There was nothing I could do," he said. "The gun was in the water and the beaver went under. That was it." Baron admitted the story may seem unlikely. "My close friends don't believe me, but all the other kids in school believe me," he said. The teenager said he is hoping to obtain proof of the incident by getting the gun back. "I'm trying to get my gun back," he said. "If there are beaver marks on it, I'm going to hang it on the wall of my garage [so others can come and see it]." *-- Man called police to remove snoring woman from his bed --* WAUKESHA, Wis. - Police in Wisconsin said a man called 911 to demand officers remove a snoring woman whose name he didn't know from his bed. Waukesha police said local man Benjamin Duddles called 911 around 4:21 a.m. Nov. 10 and said he needed officers to remove a woman who was "snoring like a train" in his bed, the Chicago Tribune reported Thursday. Duddles, who admitted he had been drinking, told the dispatcher he could not remember the woman's name and he had brought her home because they had been "talking." Duddles held the phone up in his bedroom to give a sample of the snoring sounds to the dispatcher, who sent officers to the home. The officers woke the woman, who told police she suffers from sleep apnea, a condition that can cause loud snoring. The police report said officers told Duddles they would not forcibly remove the woman from his apartment. "He was advised this was not a police matter because he allowed her in. He was provided the comfort of his couch for the evening and to work out the 'issue' in the morning," the report said. *-- Police: Man posed as U.S. marshal to get discounted doughnuts --* NEW PORT RICHEY, Fla. - Police in Florida said they arrested a man accused of posing as a U.S. Marshal to get a discount at a Dunkin' Donuts. The Pasco County Sheriff's Office spokesman Douglas Tobin said a suspicious store clerk at the Dunkin' Donuts in New Port Richey alerted the office to a man who frequented the eatery and used a badge to support his claim of being a U.S. marshal to get discounts on doughnuts, ABC News reported Thursday. "Yesterday, we had an undercover deputy in the store," Tobin said. "He usually comes in at the same time. This time, he didn't show his badge, but we had enough reason to arrest him." The man, Charles Barry, 48, was found to have a .38-caliber revolver in his pocket Tuesday and ammunition in his vehicle, Tobin said. Barry, who investigators said used his late father's New Jersey police badge for his Dunkin' Donuts ruse, was arrested Tuesday on charges of impersonating a law enforcement officer and improper exhibition of a firearm or dangerous weapon. He was released after posting $5,150 bail. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) ___ ___ '::|_|_| '::|_|_|'.:|_|_| '.:|_|_| _,,--~~|~~--,,_ /` | `\ | 7 _( ___ |.|\|:-)|__ |'| |___| / |_| /:::\ ~ David Riley >Windows vs. Ford For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." ____ , _..--'''' ````--.._ ' ;; ,, ;; ||| | __.. ..__ | , '' '' ''' | .-'' | | ``-. | ' ;; ,, ;; ||| | | | | | : , ''// _____ | _ ____ ____ | // ' /| // /,---.| // /,---'/,--,\ : // , / | // //__ || // //__ //__.'/ //: //||// /,---' || // /,---'/,--,,' // | // | / //___ ||// //____// || // | // |/ `----' `-' .`-----' : `' , . | // : | | | | | ' ;; ,, ;; ||| | |_...--' `--..._| | , '' '' ''' | ____ | ' ;; ,, ;; ||| |_..--'''' ````--.._| '' '' ''' In response to Bill's comments, Ford issued a press release stating: If Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part): 1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash... twice a day. 2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car. 3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this. 4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads. 6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light. 7. The airbag system would ask, "Are you sure?" before deploying. 8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna. 9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. PS - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call "customer service" in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign language how to fix your car yourself! Please share this with your friends who love - but sometimes hate - their computer! --- ...LOL! Thanks Linda! ========================================================= >-->From LaffADay: +-. .--. +-. | `"|"` \| .------;/|===;. Y.==. /\|/\___\|_.'_`\/\|/\ |--o--|___(_)' |--o--| \/|\/ =' \/|\/ jgs `"` `"` No one is more cautious than a first-time parent. After our daughter was big enough to ride on the back of my bicycle, I bought a special carrier with a seat belt and got her a little helmet. The day of the first ride I put her in the seat, double- checked all the equipment, wheeled the bike to the end of the driveway, carefully looked both ways and, swinging my leg up over the crossbar, accidentally kicked her right in the chin. -<>- Our crew at an ambulance company works 24-hour shifts. The sleeping quarters consist of a large room with several single beds, so we get to know one another's habits, like who snores or talks in his sleep. While I was having my teeth examined by a dentist one day, he noticed that some of my teeth were chipped. "It looks like you clench your jaw at night," he said. "No way," I blurted without thinking. "No one has ever said I grind my teeth, and I sleep with a lot of people!" -<>- If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it will always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free... you either married it or gave birth to it. -<>- .------, =\ \ .---. =\ \ | C~ \ =\ \ | `----------'------'----------, .' LI.-.LI LI LI LI LI LI LI.-.LI`-. \ _/.____|_|______.------,______|_|_____) / / =/ / =/ / =/ / jgs /_____,' While flying from Denver to Kansas City, Kansas, my mother was sitting across the aisle from a woman and her eight-year-old son. Mom couldn't help laughing as they neared their destination and she heard the mother say to the boy, "Now remember, run to Daddy first, then the dog." -<>- My wife doesn't complain often, but once she was having a old-fashioned "heart-to-heart" with me and said, "Hon, you never listen to me. Every time I try to talk to you, you get this far-away look in your eyes after only a few seconds. Please promise me you'll try to work on that." The last thing I remember was replying, "I'm sorry, what was that you were saying?" -<>- I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an Individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week". He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh... Pacific." ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend Linda :) .-.____________________.-. ___ _.' .-----. _____________| /_._/ ( | /_____________| / ` _ ____/ _____ _ _ __ |_ .\( \\ |_ _|| |_| || _| .' `-._/__`_// | | | _ || _| __ .' |""""' |_| |_| |_||__| ( ) / / _ _ _ _ _____ ___ _ _ ___ _ _ ___ ___ _ ___ |/___ / | | | | | \| |_ _| | | | | _| |_| | | | | | _| | _| | ' | |_| | | | | | I | |_| | |_| _ | ' | <| |_| _| |_ | | \|_____|_|\_| |_| |___|_____|___|_| |_|_|_|___|___|___| |___| `-._____.-' Jay C >'Presidents' Guns' November 22, 1963, Dallas, TX John F. Kennedy, Was Assassinated A GOLD-PLATED AR-15 presented to President Kennedy by Colt Firearms back in the day. - From R. L. Wilson's The Colt Heritage JOHN F. KENNEDY- New Frontier Colt With a serial number of PT-109, Colt manufactured this custom New Frontier Colt for President John F. Kennedy. The 35th President never received his revolver as a result of his tragic Assassination in 1963. RICHARD M. NIXON - Colt .45 In their December 21, 1970 meeting, Elvis Presley gave Nixon a Commemorative World War II Colt .45...and requested to be made "Federal Agent at Large" in the war against drugs. RICHARD M. NIXON - Colt Presentation Single-Action Army Colt crafted this Elegant Presentation grade single-action army for Nixon in 1972. It was never Presented though as a result of the Watergate Scandal. The serial number is RMN No. 1 RONALD REAGAN - Colt Presentation Single-Action Army Manufactured in 1984 with the serial number RR-1, this elegant Colt Single- Action Army was Crafted for our nation's 40th president. Like Nixon's Single-Action Army, the Presentation of this revolver never happened. GEORGE WASHINGTON Steel-Mounted Saddle Pistols Marquis de Lafayette, a young French soldier who volunteered To fight for the United States, gave Washington this pair of Saddle pistols with barrels made of Damascus steel. Washington reportedly carried these sidearms at Valley Forge, Monmouth, Yorktown and during the Whiskey Rebellion as president. Washington maintained possession of the pistols until his death In 1799. Andrew Jackson owned them for a spell, until Bequeathing them back to the Lafayette family. THOMAS JEFFERSON One of the Founding Fathers of the United States, Jefferson has many Quotes that resonate strongly with the Right to Bear Arms crowd, Including, "Laws that forbid the carrying of arms . . . Disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes . . . Such Laws make things worse for the assaulted and better for the assailants; They serve rather to encourage than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man. - 1764" Truer words couldn't have been spoken! A flintlock pocket pistol reportedly belonged to our nation's third president. There are many reproductions of Jefferson dueling pistols available in the marketplace today. JAMES MADISON/JAMES MONROE- What to get the man that probably has everything? How 'bout a pair of pistols reportedly crafted from meteorite iron found in the Campo del Cielo crater in Argentina. At least that was the story given to James Madison when he was presented with this pair of fully functioning pistols by South American general Ignacio Alvarez. His words were accepted as fact until nearly 200 years later when science took a closer look and determined the pistols weren't made from Meteoric iron. After Madison's passing, James Monroe took possession of the guns. ANDREW JACKSON "Old Hickory" dueled it out with more than one opponent with pistols, including an incident in which he was dueling Charles Dickinson. Dickinson shot first, hitting Jackson in the chest. Jackson then took Aim and pulled the trigger only to be greeted with a misfire, which according to dueling rules counts as a shot. Jackson pulled the hammer back again and pulled the trigger, and killed Dickinson with his second effort. Jackson lived 19 years with the lead ball in his chest. Andrew Jackson also helped Colt Firearms get noticed after giving his stamp of approval to the newly designed revolver. The percussion pistol was reportedly owned by Jackson and was made circa 1830. MARTIN VAN BUREN - Senate Pistols When Martin Van Buren presided over the senate as Vice President, he wore a pair of pistols for security measures. Do you think a V.P. could get away with that today? RUTHERFORD B. HAYES - Smith & Wesson .32 Caliber Revolver Our 19th President carried a Smith & Wesson .32 Caliber revolver during the civil war. The original gun is in the Hayes Museum in Fremont, OH. GROVER CLEVELAND - Colt 8-Gauge Certainly not a pistol, but cool nevertheless, this Colt 8-gauge was owned by our 22nd president, Grover Cleveland. The engraved double barrel is believed to be the only eight gauge in existence. THEODORE ROOSEVELT - Smith & Wesson New Model No. 3 "This revolver is attributed by Smith & Wesson factory records to future U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt. He most likely took delivery of this gun just prior to training his Rough Riders at San Antonio, Texas. A Colt Revolver was recovered from the sunken USS Maine and subsequently carried in combat by Lt. Colonel Theodore Roosevelt during the Spanish American War. He would use the weapon during his Medal of Honor engagement. THEODORE ROOSEVELT - Fabrique Nationale Model 1900 Semi Automatic Pistol Teddy Roosevelt's nightstand gun while in the Whitehouse? If family tradition is accurate, It might have been a handsome Fabrique Nationale Model 1900 Semi Automatic Pistol. ELEANOR ROOSEVELT - S&W .38 Special Revolver The First Lady of firearms? Teddy's cousin-in-law, Eleanor was very handy with a sidearm. She often carried a S&W .38 Special Revolver. HARRY S. TRUMAN - Colt M1911 and Colt Officers Model .22 LR Harry S. Truman was presented this Colt M1911 and Colt Officers Model .22 LR in 1947 by Colt President Graham H. Anthony. DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER - U.S. Colt Model 1911A1 Semi Automatic Pistol "This pistol was given by General Dwight D. Eisenhower to Admiral Sir A. B. Cunningham, Royal Navy, during the November 1942 Allied invasion of North Africa. While serving as the Supreme Allied Commander during World War II, Eisenhower's preferred sidearm was a Colt Detective Special. - National Firearms Museum ___________, \-' _____| ) _ __/ / `./_/ | | | \ Jay C `---' Nancy Reagan carried a firearm all the time. Nobody was going to shoot her husband again! BLESS OTHERS BY PASSING THIS ON! :) --- ...Wow! Most Interesting! Thanks Linda! Watch the show 'Panic 9-1-1' and Think about what a difference some of these with bad guys might of been if the intended victim had a gun! Makes me want to practice with my husband's gun more! Reflecting on JFK's Assassination: Are you old enough to remember this? Many of us remember exactly where we were and what we were thinking and feeling when we heard this terrible news. Much like the horrible events of 9-11. I was only 8 yet I remember feeling completely devastated by the news from my teacher as I was walking home from school that afternoon. Like a dark cloud was over my head. I was totally in shock by it like a close friend or relative had been killed. It surprises me that as a third-grader I would be so affected, but I was. I remember it now as if it happened only yesterday. How about you? ========================================================= >-->From JokeCentral: wkm |\______. '-====---" >Traveling Light Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey. I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage and passengers." Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, sir?" Not thinking clearly I answered, "With or without clothes?" "Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?" -<>- >LAST WISHES.... A husband and wife had four boys. The odd part of it was that the older three had red hair, light skin and were tall, while the youngest son had black hair, dark eyes and was short. The father eventually took ill and was lying on his deathbed when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, before I die, be totally honest with me -- is our youngest son my child?" The wife replied, "I swear on everything that is holy that he is your son." With that the husband passed away. The wife then muttered, "Thank God he didn't ask about the other three." ^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-^-.,.-- _ /_'. _ _ \ / '-. < ``-.;),--'` '--.IN A DESERTED ISLAND.... An engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the Caribbean. It was the "craziest" thing he had ever done in his life. Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the huge ship, capsizing it like a child's toy. Somehow the engineer, desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a secluded island. Aside from beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts, there was little else. He lost all hope and for hours on end, sat under the same palm tree. One day, after several months had passed, a gorgeous woman in a small rowboat appeared. "I'm from the other side of the island," she said. "Were you on the cruise ship, too?" "Yes, I was," he answered. "But, where did you get that rowboat?" "Well, I whittled the oars from gum tree branches, wove the reinforced gunnel from palm branches, and made the keel and stern from a Eucalyptus tree." "But, what did you use for tools?" asked the engineer. "There was a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed on the south side of the island. I discovered that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. Anyhow, that's how I got the tools. But, enough of that," she said. "Where have you been living all this time? I don't see any shelter." "To be honest, I've just been sleeping on the beach," the engineer said. "Would you like to come to my place?" the woman asked. The engineer nodded dumbly. She expertly rowed them around to her side of the island, and tied up the boat with a handsome strand of hand-woven hemp topped with a neat back splice. They walked up a winding stone walk she had laid around a palm tree. There stood an exquisite bungalow, painted in blue and white. "It's not much, but I call it home." Inside, she said, "Sit down, please; would you like to have a drink?" "No, thanks," said the engineer. "One more coconut juice and I'll throw up!" "It won't be coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a crude still out back, so we can have authentic Pina Coladas." Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted the drink, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged stories, the woman asked, "Tell me, have you always had a beard?" "No," the engineer replied, "I was clean shaven all of my life until I ended up on this island." "Well if you'd like to shave, there's a razor upstairs in the bathroom cabinet." The man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom and shaved with an intricate bone-and-shell device honed razor sharp. Next he showered, not even attempting to fathom a guess as to how she managed to get warm water into the bathroom, and went back downstairs. He couldn't help but admire the masterfully carved banister as he walked. "You look great," said the woman. "I think I'll go up and slip into something more comfortable." As she did, the engineer continued to sip his Pina Colada. After a short time, the woman, smelling faintly of gardenias, returned wearing a revealing gown fashioned out of pounded palm fronds. "Tell me," she asked, "we've both been out here for a very long time with no companionship. You know what I mean. Haven't you been lonely, too... isn't there something that you really, really miss? Something that all men and woman need? Something that would be really nice to have right now! "Yes, there is!" the man replied, shucking off his shyness. "There is something I've wanted to do for so long. But on this island all alone, it was just... well, it was impossible." "Well, it's not impossible, any more," the woman said. The engineer, practically panting in excitement, said breathlessly: "You mean... you actually figured out some way we can CHECK OUR E-MAIL?" -<>- mathemagician 1x1=1 /\ \ c") ;-/\> || kOs >Multiplication Tables and Marriage Proposals Let me state a truth: A lot of Christians don't know Jesus. It's the only way I can understand why people who believe and teach the doctrine of the sovereignty of God are so bent on controlling everything but Him... and sometimes even Him. It is the only explanation I know for my condemnation, my arrogance and my self- righteousness. It explains why people talk about freedom yet live in a prison of guilt and fear. It helps me deal with those who talk about grace and give very little of it. It is the only way I know to understand why I, a teacher of grace, live a life that is sometimes marked by obsession with rules, being perfect and doing everything right. It explains why so many people have to be right and work so hard to appear good. Frankly, I don't really believe that those who drive me nuts with criticism and condemnation of other Christians aren't redeemed. I just believe that I (and they) are saved but sometimes don't know Jesus. You may have heard of the "Facts/Faith/Feelings" teaching about how one gets one's feelings into line. There is something to that. The Christian faith really is based on facts and, according to this view, once one determines those facts are true and "acts" accordingly, the feelings follow. But what do you do if the "feelings" don't follow? For many years, I followed Christ in a not dissimilar way to the way I followed the multiplication table. I knew that it was true. It didn't move me deeply, it didn't make me "feel good all over" and it didn't feel "warm and fuzzy." During that period in my life, I simply didn't understand those who had an emotional connection with Christ. I, from my arrogant, self-righteous and superficial position of intellectual commitment, felt that they "needed" all that but all I needed was the truth. "Just the facts man, just the facts" After all, once you see truth, you can't unsee it. Only a fool, once seeing it, refuses to live according to the truth one has seen. As I look back on it, the problem was that I tried to make the Christian faith into an affirmation of propositions. It was intellectual assent and I thought that was enough. It wasn't enough. Not nearly enough. In the last century a New England man in Amherst, Massachusetts, proposed to his wife this way: "I hope I have no foolishness called romance; I am too well balanced for that sort of nonsense. But we might look forward to leading respectable and useful lives and enjoy the respect of the neighbors." If you think that was a good marriage proposal, there's something weird and bent about you and everybody knows it. But, if you believe something like that about your relationship to Christ (the Lover of your soul) and even teach it, making the Christian faith into a "respectable and useful" religious commitment, everybody will think you're godly. You're not. You're neurotic. I know. I'm not preaching at you. I've been there and, God help me, still live there sometimes. It's having it in your head but having trouble getting it into your heart. I don't know if I have all the answers. I do have at least one of them though. Most Christians live reasonably Christian lives in the sense that we aren't serial killers; don't rob banks and do pay taxes. If you sometimes have trouble getting what you know to be true into your heart, what follows might help. With me, I think, the real problem was (and sometimes still is) control. In my need to control my situation, my church and all the circumstances of my life, I was saved but I didn't know Jesus. Jesus said about the Scribes and Pharisees, "The Scribes and the Pharisees sit on Moses' seat, so practice and observe whatever they tell you [i. e. they have the propositions and the doctrines right]- but not what they do. They tie up heavy burdens, hard to bear, and lay them on people's shoulders. You [the Scribes and the Pharisees] shut the kingdom of heaven in people's faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in. You travel across sea and land to make a single proselyte, and when he becomes a proselyte, you make him twice as much a child of hell as yourselves" (Matthew 23:24,1-15). You see, you can analyze, teach, and line up doctrines and propositions. There is something logical and proper about Biblical theology. Apologetics will not only win arguments; it makes one feel secure in one's "rightness." On the other hand, what goes on in the heart/feelings can be quite wild and we must not have that. Trusting your heart, listening to your heart and acting on your heart's "reasons" can get you into all sorts of trouble. Once you start going down the road to the heart, you can't control what happens. Not only that, there is something... well... uh... you know... kind of crude about all that emotional stuff. Am I saying that Biblical doctrine isn't of any consequence? Am I suggesting that what Francis Schaeffer called "true truth" isn't true or, if it is, it isn't all that important? Do I think that the eternal verities of the Christian faith are to be subjugated by the "things of the heart"? Are you crazy? Of course not! I am, however, saying that all of those things have one purpose: to point you to Christ so that He will love you and empower you to serve and to enjoy Him. -- Copyright 2002 Key Life Network. Today's Daily Wisdom is from Steve Brown. His Bible teaching is heard daily on hundreds of radio stations through the Key Life Network. For the frequency of a station near you go to www.keylife.org -<>- Rumination of the Day If you ever see a sign that says "Yard Sale," just keep on driving. They usually only have one yard for sale, and even then, it's covered with a bunch of junk -- Frank Weisbly -<>- .::\)`:`, .:;\/~`\``;) ,.~-----, ;;==`_ ~:;( ,,~{*}\~~--,.`. ;:== 6 6;;) ,(((((({*});~~. .\ ;;C } )' (('`)))~({*}) . \ .\ :;` `--'; >6 6`({*}))) . \~~ | `____/ ( { ))())) . .`, ____._| |_____. `--' (((())) . | / \ \__ _| | \ `-- )))))) . .| | ) \/\/\_{@} | ,-| ((((((( . | | \_ \ \ | / | / | / ))))))) .| | |\ : \ |/ | Y | (/*@@*( ' ` ) . | \ \ \_\/_/ | | / */ \ \'/ /. | \ \ |o | | \. \ |'@'| .| \ \ | ; ,'--,.,.,., \ ~*@*~. . | \ \_________._--`((,:{@}.:))_\ |~@~| . | \ ' | ((,{@}:{@}.))-----' ;/\ (, \._____________`-__((;,{@},:))_________/|{ | . ; | | | `';{@},) /`-----'\ |. | | .__/\__ | `{@};,; / / | \ \ \/ .| | / :; \ | `(@))\ / \. . | | /! | \| ';; ))_/`-'/`_`., \. | | | ! | | ';(( | | ! `_ \ .| | | ! | | )) | | ! |.\_| | |/ ! | | (/ | | ! | . | >For richer, for poorer... During my husband's time as a mature student, we didn't have much money for our family of seven. At a friend's wedding, my four-year-old daughter was sitting next to me when the vicar asked, "Do you take this man for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health?" Our daughter turned to me and whispered loudly, "You chose poorer, didn't you Mummy? -<>- | ,' `. / \ /-,-,-,-,-\ | J .--. | / oo \/ / -- | < \ / [] `--' || /''\ >It's PUNNY! * DEFINITIONS: Psychiatry: the care of the id by the odd. (Beckie Chiles) Parabolas: Two cords with balls at the ends used in herding cattle in Argentina (Stan Kegel) Banquet: What to do with a pile of cash. (Sandy Sibert) Hypotenuse: Cooking with a Double Boiler (Dennis Hammes) Playground: The main ingredient in mudpies (Stan Kegel) Politburo: A well-mannered jackass. (Lederer & Ertner) Placate?- Iniviting Catherine to the theate (Ken Pinkham) Abundance: A baker's party. (Joseph Leff} Paraffin: What's on the sides of a fish. (Lederer & Ertner) Paraffins: Two Five Dollar bills (Stan Kegel) Luggage: How old one's ears are (Phil Hudson) Bacon: Process for making bread and cakes, "My cookin' is good but my bacon leaves much to be desired." (Cynthia MacGregor) Good- for-nothing: One who goes regularly to church but never drops anything in the plate. (Lee Daniel Quinn) Aromatic: Stinking insect. (Sandy Sibert) Boycott: A small lad s bed. (Dave Coble) Piecemeal: Fund-raising dinner in opposition to the war (Stan Kegel) Puff adder: A smoking mathematician. (Lederer & Ertner) Penitent: Canvas camping structure costing a measly cent (Cynthia MacGregor) * POETRY Any yard work, to me, is not play. To my wife words of praise I did say: "When you're out cutting grass, You're my favorite lass, And I lawn for you mower each day." (Kirk Miller) The grass I two months ago sowed I can't believe how fast it's growed I hear my spouse say, "Please cut it today." I would, but I ain't in that mowed (Gary Hallock) Two gentlemen named Bruce and Wade Together a fine home had made Their green lawn tractor A cute little factor Was lovingly called The Gay Blade (Guy Ben-Moshe) Wife's decision to mow wasn't hard. By the landscaper's price we were jarred. "Your square footage is small; Doesn't matter at all. I don't charge by the foot -- by the yard." (Kirk Miller) He won his race at every meet And never knew the word defeat. His tombstone read When he was dead, "He tied the train he tried to beat" (Ray Gessler) * BLOOPERS, SIGNS AND HEADLINES : ANNOUNCER: Stay tuned for our Late Show movie stars Laurence Harvey and Lee Remick in The Running Man, brought to you tonight by Ex-Lax. (Kermit Schafer) On the morning of the Illinois-Ohio State football game, when Illinois would have to play without the services of its star running back, Frosty Peters, a newspaper published this beauty: ILLINI FACE BUCKS WITH FROSTY PETERS OUT. (Richard Lederer) The Saturday Evening Post ran an article written by the wife of a billiards professional. She told how part of her job as her husband's assistant was to make sure that the billiard balls were exactly at room temperature. The subheadline appeared as SHE KEEPS HIS BALLS WARM. (Richard Lederer) A Manila woman, who worked for an American owned tobacco company in the Philippines, was kidnapped by four men. The woman, twenty years of age, ran away from her abductors while they were asleep. Then she reported her travails to the Manila Daily Mirror, which ran this front page headline: GIRL EMPLOYEE BARES SNATCH. (Richard Lederer) Personal Ad: Lawyer will read will tomorrow at residence of P. Smith, who died June 19 to accommodate his relatives. ~~ Teaneck, NJ paper (Beckie Shiles) A St. Louis woman, born on February 29, gave birth to a daughter exactly 20 years later. In the early edition, the St. Louis Post-Dispatch headline announced: WOMAN BORN FEBRUARY 29 HAS BABY SAME DAY. (Richard Lederer) Out of those fifty guests more than thirty had been married to the same man for more than twenty years. (Los Angeles Times/Beckie Shiles) NEWSCASTER: and Lesbian forces today attacked Israel ... Lebanese! (Kermit Schafer) -<>- _......._ .-'.'.'.'.'.'.`-. .'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.'.`. /.'.' '.\ |.' _.--...--._ | \ `._.-.....-._.' / | _..- .-. -.._ | .-.' `. ((@)) .' '.-. ( ^ \ `--. .-' / ^ ) \ / . . \ / / .' '. .- \ ( _.\ \ (_`-._.-'_) /._\) `-' \ ' .--. / `-' | / /|_| `-._.'\ | | | |_| | /-.._ _..-\ `.--.______.' | \ ..... | `. .' `. / \ .' LGB `-..___..-` >This is creepy! (Start slowly scrolling down and follow instructions.) Think of a letter between A and W. .. .. .. .. .. Repeat it out loud as you scroll down. .. .. .. Keep going . . . Don't stop ... . ... .. .. .. .. Think of an animal that begins with that letter. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Repeat it out loud as you scroll down. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Think of a man's/woman's name that begins with the last letter in the animals name .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Almost there........ .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Now count out the letters in that name on the fingers of the hand you are not using to scroll down. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Take the hand you counted with and hold it out in front of you at face level. .. .. .. .. .. .. Look at your palm very closely and notice the lines in your hand .. .. .. .. Do the lines take the form of the first letter in the persons name? .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. Of course not....... .. .. .. .. Now smack yourself in the head, get a life, and quit playing stupid games! Don't tell the secret to others, just send this to them.... . | . \ | / `. \ ' / .' `. .-*""*-. .' "*-._ /.*" "*.\ _.-*" : ; ____ """"': .. ; _.-*" \ `.__.' / "*-._ .' `-.__.-' `. bug .' / . \ `. / | \ ' | ` Smile & Have A Great Day ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) 2012 Lamborghini Aventador LP 700-4 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/lambo.html Thank You Lord http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/thanks.html Animal Friends 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animalfriends3.html Rescued Squirrel http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rsquirrel.html Maria The Goose http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/goose.html Akiane Child Prodigy http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/prodigy.html Value What You Have http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuewyh.html Attitude Is Everything http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/attitude.html 2012 Most Stunning Photos http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/moststunning1.html Friends And Health http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friendhealth.html Advice For Living http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/advice.html Sweets For The Sweet http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sugar.html Morons at Work http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork.html Maxine On Holidays http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineholidays.html Modern Toilet http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/mwork.html Extreme Rednecks http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eredneck.html Friends http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/friends.html In Days Past http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dayspast.html Jesus Clinic http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/clinic.html Our Valuable Anchor http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/BibleStudy/ouranchor.html The Blue Ribbon http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/blueribbon.html Dominic And Jobe http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/jobe.html Look Who's Talking 8 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/talking8.html No Words Needed http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nowords.html Sandy's Can Cars http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/cancars.html Polar Bear Cubs http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/polarbears.html Wieliczka Salt Mine http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/saltmine.html -<>- >From Our Friend Richard :) This is definitely a must watch, and have your sound on too. Absolutely beautiful http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=FZ-bJFVJ2P0 --- ...Brings goosebumps! Thanks Richard! Touch is also necessary to life feelings ..... as the leaves are to trees. Without them, love dies from root (N. Hawthorne) "Bach" http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=XKRj-T4l-e8&vq=large --- ...Beautiful! Ooo, love Fugue! Thanks Richard! -<>- >From Our Friend GloriaB :) SHE SENT US ONE WE HAVE HERE... Jesus Laughing Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/Jesusart.html --- ...Always a fav! Thanks GloriaB! God Whispers http://www.youtube.com/embed/zf_0jzPQ8lo?rel=0 --- ...Another goodie! Thanks GloriaB! -<>- >From Our Friend PatDeE :) The Definitive Answer To 20 Of Your Biggest Health Questions http://tinyurl.com/mqq8gms --- ...Great Info! Thanks PatDeE! -<>- >From Our Friend LouiseAu :) Fishing Boat in Stormy Seas off Iceland Icelandic fishing trawler in her home waters in winter at a wind speed of 76 mph. http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=mPBaqh3dcVM --- ...Not for me! This doesn't look like fun! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "On Monday mornings I am dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks." -H. Allen Smith "This has all the earmarks of an eyesore." -James McSheehy, member of the San Francisco Board of Supervisors, commenting on a construction project he opposed. "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian." -Dennis Wholey "Finally, I saw that Starbucks just unveiled its holiday cups, which had illustrations that customers can color in themselves. It's perfect for people who are too busy to make their own coffee at home, yet still have enough time to color in a coffee cup." -Jimmy Fallon "Amazon has unveiled a new way to view its products in 3-D. Amazon is calling its new invention a 'store.'" -Conan O'Brien "Every appliance with a clock should have a Daylight Savings button to push. You'd only use it twice a year, but that's more than I use the 'Potato' button on my microwave." -Jimmy Kimmel "According to a study, they found common words used by happy people are, joy, love and hopeful. And they also found common words used by other people to describe happy people. Annoying, irritating, obnoxious..." -Jay Leno "Students were invited to city hall to pitch ways to make dangerous intersections safer for pedestrians. Meanwhile, city government continues to ignore my most-effective idea to safeguard pedestrians--Nerf cars." -Jimmy Fallon "I hope I don't sound like an old-fashioned stick-in-the-mud, but when I hear about people making vast fortunes without doing any productive work or contributing anything to society, my reaction is: 'How can I get in on that?'" -Dave Barry >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah, Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $25 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all web site list readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe **********************************************************************