Happy Labor Day SMILES... :) Shangy!
>Here are the details on our ShangyFunList:
Group Web Site:
https://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html
Group email address:
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
Shangrala Family Fun:
https://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/
================
*~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny,
inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here...
bcrsystems@earthlink.net
I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!!
AND For Facebook Users:
Please Like Me here...
http://tinyurl.com/cma6all
AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family!
^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU!
================
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* Don't forget to follow us on social media for our latest updates
and uproarious funny and inspiring pages!
On Facebook:
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On X (Twitter):
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================
>-->In The 'Shangy' News :)
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_________(__,_|)/ (__)|/____\(_______________ mic
I am very pleased to announced we have a new sponsor for the
website www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com.
Montana Edit pulled together their favorite places to catch live
music in Montana - from historic theaters to big outdoor stages -
Like this one - Nestled along the Clark Fork River just outside
Missoula, KettleHouse Amphitheater offers a premier outdoor
concert experience. With a mix of local, regional, and national
acts, it's perfect for fans who love music under Montana’s
expansive sky.
Be sure to also check out their monthly Spotify playlists to get
to know artists playing shows in Montana. And keep an eye on
their Montana Concert Calendar to see upcoming concerts across
the state. __
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For CONCERT TICKETS AND LIVE MUSIC VENUES IN MONTANA visit here:
https://www.montanaedit.com/article/montana-s-best-live-music-venues
Be sure to check out this fine company!
You can always be assured that I only go with the best for you!
Why? Because I care About you!
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. Huggums!... :) Shangy!
-<>-
>-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :)
Our too hot to handle new page is from our friend Geniann.
It'll give you plenty of SMILES for your day. Be sure to
check it out here..
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-Roland
Airport Moments 2!
https://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/airport2.html
---
...LOL! Great ones! Thanks Geniann!
-<>-
*~* We Had A Fabulous Month Of Caring And Sharing Last Month!
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Be Sure To Visit And SHARE These With Your Friends and Family:
Ocean's Rarely Seen Species!
https://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ocean2.html
Rare Historical Photos 5!
https://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/historyphotos5.html
Tiny Creatures Art!
https://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tinycreaturesart.html
Funny T-Shirt Wisdom 3!
https://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/teeshirts3.html
Design Failures!
https://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/designfails.html
Strange Real Photos!
https://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/strangephotos.html
Trapped Inside A Whale!
https://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/insideawhale.html
Translation Bloopers 2!
https://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tbloopers2.html
MacGyver - How To Do It 9!
https://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/macgyver9.html
Only ONE Job 9!
https://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/onejob9.html
.-"""-.
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* May God Abundantly Bless All Our Sweet Contributors! *
========================================================
_____ _ _____ ____ /_ /,
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>-->From LaffGaff:
>Local Bank
My local bank is installing an ATM in a tree.
If it’s successful, they might expand to other branches.
-<>-
>Identical Twin
Last night I dreamed I had an identical twin.
This morning, when I woke up, I was beside myself!
-<>-
>Hailstones
I used to be great at stopping myself from being hit by
hailstones by wearing a suit of armor.
Now I’m a bit rusty.
-<>-
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Normand Veilleux
>Unexplained Weight Gain
Doctor: “Have you experienced any unexplained weight gain
this year?”
Me: “No, I can probably explain it all.”
-<>-
>Coal Dust
A group of guys covered in coal dust walk into a bar.
The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve miners”.
-<>-
>Pilot’s License
It turns out I need to lose weight to get my pilot’s license.
Chocs away!
-<>-
>Stationery Cupboard
The scissors were going to stand for president of the
stationery cupboard...
But they couldn’t find anyone to run with them.
========================================================
+------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+
September 7 is Labor Day, National Salami Day, Neither Rain nor Snow
Day, National Feel the Love Day and Superhuman Day
September 8 is Date Nut Bread Day, International Literacy Day,
National Ampersand Day, Pardon Day, Telephone Tuesday and Star Trek
Day
September 9 is National Chrysanthemum Day, Teddy Bear Day, Emergency
Services Day and Wonderful Weirdos Day
September 10 is National TV Dinner Day, Sewing Machine Day, Swap
Ideas Day and Are You Okay Day
September 11 is 911 Remembrance, Make Your Bed Day, No News is Good
News Day, Rosh Hashanah, Libraries Remember Day, White Balloon Day
and Patriot Day
September 12 is Chocolate Milk Shake Day, National Day of
Encouragement, National Police Woman Day, National Video Games Day
and Farmers’ Consumer Awareness Day
September 13 is Defy Superstition Day, Fortune Cookie Day,
Grandparent’s Day, Kids Take Over the Kitchen Day, National Peanut
Day, Pet Memorial Day, Positive Thinking Day and Uncle Sam Day –
His image was first used in 1813.
========================================================
>-->From Mikey'sFunnies:
///"\
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pjb
A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing
in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself.
"You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old
woman. My face is all wrinkled, every thing else is either sagging
or bloated. I've got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby."
She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to
make me feel better about myself."
He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a
soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there's nothing wrong with your
eyesight."
Services for the husband will be held Saturday morning at 10:30AM
at Morris Memorial Chapel. Female friends of the family are
invited.
-<>-
I'm writing a book about all the things I should be doing in my
life. It's an oughtobiography.
-<>-
Our nephew was getting married to a doctor's daughter. At the
wedding reception, the father of the bride stood to read his
toast, which he had scribbled on a piece of scrap paper.
Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what
I assumed was a moment of deep emotion. But after a particularly
long pause, he explained, "I'm sorry. I can't seem to make out
what I've written down."
Looking out into the audience, he asked, "Is there a pharmacist
in the house?"
-<>-
I got fired on my first day as a set designer. I left without
making a scene.
-<>-
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The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees
about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.
He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with
a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a
youngster, the boss asked, "Is your Daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the
boss, the small voice whispered, "No.
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy
there?"
"Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing it was unlikely a young child would be left home alone,
the boss decided to just leave a message with the person who
should be there to watch over the child.
"Is there anyone else there in your house?" the boss asked the
child.
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the
boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered
answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like
a helicopter through the phone's earpiece, the boss asked, "What
is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed hushed voice, the child answered, "The search team
just landed the hello-copter."
Alarmed, concerned, and more than just a little frustrated, the
boss asked, "What are they searching for?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied, along with a muffled
giggle: "Me."
-<>-
A boy told his parents he wanted to raise goats for a living, but
later his parents determined he was only kidding.
-<>-
A guy walks into the human resources department of a large company
and hands the executive his application. The executive begins to
scan the sheet, and notices that the applicant has been fired from
every job he has ever held.
"I must say," says the executive, "your work history is terrible.
You've been fired from every job."
"Yes," says the man.
"Well," continues the executive, "there's not much positive in
that."
"Hey!" says the guy as he pokes the application, "At least I'm
not a quitter."
-<>-
. ..
__..---/______//-----. (( )
.".--.```| - /.--. =: ( VROOM! ))
(.: {} :__L______: {} :__; __--( __- -_= )
*--* *--* jnh
A car's weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.
-<>-
Wanting to be married, a couple came to the county courthouse
where I work. But they accidentally walked up to the offices
where hunting licenses are sold.
"We're from out of state," said the prospective groom. "Can we
get a license?"
The clerk replied, "No, but I can give you a three-day permit."
-<>-
A cement mixer has collided with a prison van. Be on the lookout
for hardened criminals.
========================================================
>-->Labor Day SMILES:
_____ _ _____ ____ /_ /,
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|_|`\_\ \___/ |_| |_| (_.-'_)__$
;-''
pb
>Labor Day Jokes If You Are Staying in a Hotel:
* Amusing Notice in New Mexico Reception:
The elevator is being fixed for the next day.
During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
Please leave your values at the front desk.
* Notice in the Bar:
Special cocktails: For the ladies with nuts.
* Notice in the Hotel Shop:
Teeth extracted by the latest methodists.
* Take one of our horse-driven tours - we guarantee no miscarriages.
Or, would you like to ride on your own ass?
-<>-
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>Labor Day Jokes and One-liners
Father: Do you know, most people don't have to work today, because
it's Labor Day.
Son: If people aren't working, shouldn't we call today 'No-Labor Day?'
Q: Did you hear the one about Labor Day?
A: It works for me!
One seventh of your life is spent on Monday. However, the only
person to get his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.
If a train station is where the train stops, and a bus station is
where the bus stops, what is a work station?
If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it
would probably be Labor Day Weekend. -Doug Larson
'It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a
depression when you lose your own.' -Harry S. Truman
* A Russian cousin arrives in West Sacramento CA
American cousin: How do you say 'Labor Day' in Russian?
Russian cousin: Another freezing and snowy day.
-<>-
_____
/ \/_
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/ \ \ / / \
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/ | . | \
/ | . | \ JRO
>Finding the Right Job
In honor of Labor Day, here's a first person report of someone who was
not quite as successful as he had hoped to be in the job market:
As a young man:
My first job was in an orange juice factory, but I couldn't
concentrate on the same old boring rind, so I got canned.
Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't
hack it, so they gave me the axe.
After that, I tried working in a donut shop, but I soon got
tired of the hole business.
I manufactured calendars, but my days were numbered.
I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly
because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating and de-pressing.
I took a job as an upholsterer, but I never recovered.
In my prime:
Next I tried working in a car muffler factory, but that was
exhausting.
I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
Then I was a pilot, but tended to wing it, and I didn't have
the right altitude.
I studied to become a doctor, but I didn't have enough patients
for the job.
I became a Velcro salesman, but I couldn't stick with it.
I tried my hand at a professional career in tennis, but it
wasn't my racket. I was too high strung.
I became a baker, but it wasn't a cakewalk, and I couldn't make
enough dough. They fired me after I left a cake out in the rain.
I was a masseur for a while, but I rubbed people the wrong way.
I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance
company, but the work was just too draining.
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gnv .oooO LOoo
Later in life:
Then I became a personal trainer in a gym, but they said I
wasn't fit for the job.
I thought about being a historian, but I couldn't see a future
in it.
Next I was an electrician, but I found the work shocking and
revolting, so they discharged me.
I tried being a teacher, but I soon lost my principal, my
faculties and my class.
I turned to farming, but I wasn't outstanding in my field.
I took a job as an elevator operator. The job had its ups and
downs and I got the shaft.
I sold origami, but the business folded.
Finally:
I took a job at UPS, but I couldn't express myself.
I tried being a fireman, but I suffered burnout.
I became a banker, but I lacked interest and maturity, and
finally withdrew from the job.
I was a professional fisherman, but I couldn't live on my net
income.
I next worked in a shoe factory, but I just didn't fit in.
They thought I was a loafer, and I got the boot.
I worked at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always
the same old grind.
So I've retired, and I find I'm a perfect fit for this job!
More Jokes Here:
http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/saints/labor_day.htm
=========================================================
>-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :)
>Amusing Things Grade School Students Have Written In Papers:
_____
The parts of speech are lungs and air. ."` `".
__ / \ __
A census taker is man who goes from / & /"""""\ & \
house to house increasing the popula- / /\ /` 9 9 `\ /\ \
tion. | | /` ^ `\ | |
/ / \ '-' / \ \
(Define H2O and CO2.) H2O is hot /.-' `-._____.-` `-.\
water and CO2 is cold water. _\\ //_
/' `~|\\/|~` `\
A city purifies its water supply by / , | \ | , \
filtering the water then forcing it / /| \__)/ |\ \
through an aviator. \ `-._ ~Y~__.-' /
`-.__/```).-\_.-'
Most of the houses in France are made / `~~|/`~` \
of plaster of Paris. / -. | \
jgs / \| \
The people who followed the Lord were / | \
called the 12 opossums. / . . . . . . . . . \
`"`"`"`"|"|"|"`"`"`"`
We do not raise silk worms in the | | |
United States, because we get our silk | | |
from rayon. He is a larger worm and gives |~|~|
more silk. |-|-|
/`/`/J
One of the main causes of dust is janitors. `~`~`
A scout obeys all to whom obedience is due and respects all duly
constipated authorities.
The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Oliver Cromwell had a large red nose, but under it were deeply
religious feelings.
Syntax is all the money collected at the church from sinners.
In spring, the salmon swim upstream to spoon.
Iron was discovered because someone smelt it.
In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
---
...TeeHee! Thanks LouiseAu!
========================================================
+--------------------- Bizarre Music ----------------------+
FACTS
________________________________________________________
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|____________________________________________________SSt_|
Melba toast is named after Australian opera singer Dame
Nellie Melba (1861-1931).
Elvis favorite collectibles were official badges. He col-
lected police badges in almost every city he performed in.
Duran Duran took their name from a mad scientists in the
movie Barbarella.
The world's largest disco was held at the Buffalo Conven-
tion Centre, New York, 1979. 13,000 danced a place into the
Guinness Book of World Records.
In August 1983, Peter Stewart of Birmingham, UK set a world
record by disco dancing for 408 hours.
The Beatles song "Martha My Dear" was written by Paul Mc-
Cartney about his sheepdog Martha. More
The harmonica is the world's best-selling music instrument.
Themes from movies Unforgiven, A Perfect World, The Bridges
of Madison County, and Absolute Power were all written by
Clint Eastwood.
The only guy without a beard in ZZTOP surname (last name)
is Beard.
The Carpenters signature song, We've Only Just Begun, was
originally part of a television commercial for a Califor-
nia bank.
========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Jacinto :)
hugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&
& hugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&hu &hugs&kisses
s&h es&hugs&kisses&hugs&kiss gs&kisse
es&h sses&hugs&kisses&hugs&k s&kiss
ses& isses&hugs&kisses&hugs &kiss s&kis
sses kisses&hugs&kisses&hu ugs&kiss s&ki
isse &kisses&hugs&kisses&h &hugs&kiss gs&k
kiss s&kisses&hugs&kisses& es&hugs&kis ugs&
&kis gs&kisses&hugs&kisses sses&hugs&k hugs
s&ki ugs&kisses&hugs&kisse kisses&hugs &hug
gs&k hugs&kisses&hugs&kiss s&kisses&hu s&hu
ugs& &hugs&kisses&hugs&kis ugs&kisses& es&h
hugs s&hugs&kisses&hugs& i hugs&kisse ses&
&hug es&hugs&kisses&hug k hugs&kis sses
s&hu ses&hugs&kisses&h & hugs& isse
es&h sses&hugs&kisse s& &kiss
s gs&ki hugs&kis
s ugs&kisse sses&hugs&ki
i ses&h k
k sses& &
&kis gs&kisses&hug isses&hugs s&hugs&kisse s
s&kis gs&kisses&h &kisses&hug es&hugs&kisses g
gs&ki ugs&kisses& s&kisses&hu ses&hugs&kisses u
ugs&ki ugs&kisse ugs&kisses&h sses&hugs&kisses h
hugs&k hugs&kiss hugs&kisses& isses&h gs&kisses&
&hugs&k hugs&ki s&hugs&kisses kisses ugs&kisses
s&hugs& &hugs&k es&hugs&kisse hugs&kisse
es&hugs& &hugs sses&hugs&kiss s&kiss &hugs&kiss
ses&hugs s&hug isses&hugs&kis gs&kiss s&hugs&kis
sses&hugs s&h &kisses&hugs&ki ugs&kisses&hugs& i
isses&hug es& s&kisses&hugs&k hugs&kisses&hug k
kisses&hug e ugs&kisses&hugs& &hugs&kisses&h &
&kisses&hu hugs&kisses&hugs s&hugs&kisse s
s&kisses&hu s&hugs&kisses g
gs&kisses&h es&hugs&kisse u
ugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&hugs&kisses&h
-- Matt Ryan
>ON Love...
I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me. Once when we were
sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand
with some water and held it before me, and said this:
"You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes
"Love."
This was how she explained it:
As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain
there, it will be there. However, if you attempt to close your
fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the
first cracks it finds.
This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love known
and unknown ...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... and
just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retreat from
you. For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If
there are people you'll love, allow them to be free beings.
Give and don't expect.
Advise, but don't order.
Ask, but never demand.
It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to
truly practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it,
you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and
yet an unconditional caring.
---
...Awww, so simple yet we find this so hard to do! Thanks Jass!
========================================================
>-->From Our Friend Fran :)
____ ___
| _ \ ___ _ _.' _ `.
_ | [_) )' _ `._ _ ___ ! \ | | (_) | _
|:;.| _ <| (_) | \ | |' _ `| \| | _ | .:;|
| `.[_) ) _ | \| | (_) | | | | |.',..|
':. `. /| | | | | _ | |\ | | |.' :;::'
!::, `-!_| | | |\ | | | | | \ !_!.' ':;!
!::; ":;:!.!.\_!_!_!.!-'-':;:'' '''!
';:' `::;::;' '' ., .
`: .,. `' .::... . .::;::;'
`..:;::;:.. ::;::;:;:;, :;::;'
"-:;::;:;: ':;::;:'' ;.-'
""`---...________...---'"" Bugbyte
>Tips:
Who says you need to buy special products to shine leather or vinyl?
Not me! The soft inside of a banana peel contains natural oils and
moisturizers that gently clean and shine purses, jackets, and shoes.
Just buff in a circular motion, and wipe away any residue with a clean
cloth.
Window washing with harsh cleaners can still make your window streak,
but using this how to and helpful hint for around the house will help
eliminate streaks for good. Mix together 1/4 cup ammonia, 1/2 cup
vinegar and 6 quarts of warm water. If you don't have these ingredients
try using 1/2 cup rubbing alcohol in one gallon water. Use paper towels
or news paper to dry windows.
---
...Great tips! Thanks Fran!
========================================================
>-->In The Worldly News:
President Donald J. Trump
https://www.donaldjtrump.com/
TrumpRx doesn't sell medications. Instead, it connects patients
directly with the best prices, increasing transparency and
cutting out costly third-party markups.
https://trumprx.gov/
White House Actions - 2026
https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/
Trump executive orders and actions, 2025-2026
https://tinyurl.com/musd7m3x
DOGE Latest News
https://doge.gov/
DOGE Latest Savings
https://doge.gov/savings
From The Daily Acorn: Positive News
https://www.thedailyacorn.com/
Latest From Lifezette:
https://www.lifezette.com/
Latest From Hannity:
https://hannity.com/
Latest From American Action News:
https://americanactionnews.com/
Latest From Reliable News:
https://reliablenewsnow.com/
Latest From Newsmax:
https://www.newsmax.com/
Latest From Expose:
https://expose-news.com/
Latest From AFA:
http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw
Latest From OperationRescue:
http://www.operationrescue.org/
Latest Product Alert:
http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text
Latest Health Alert:
http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text
Click to Give Free
https://greatergood.com/clicktogive/ggc/home
-<>-
>From Archives BizarreNews:
+---- He'd Kill To Watch Some Sports -----+
Panama City, Fla. resident Christopher Offord may not be the
first guy who didn't feel like cuddling after s&x. However,
he may be the first to become so angry about a little post-
coital snuggling that he killed his wife, Dana Noser.
Offord really wanted to watch sports on television, and
apparently Noser got in the way. So, he continuously whacked
her with a claw hammer until she was no longer breathing.
Circuit Judge Dedee Costello sentenced the hammer-wielding
Offord to death on Wednesday, saying the brutality of the
crime outweighed any mental problems Offord may have had.
"The defendant struck his wife approximately 70 individual
blows after spending a happy interlude with her," the judge
said. "Her desire to cuddle after s%x does not justify the
extremely violent, brutal response of the defendant."
Offord pleaded guilty to first-degree murder in the 2004
slaying of Dana Noser, 40, at his apartment.
+---- Crime Fighting Teen Commits Crime Of His Own ----+
EDWARDS, Colorado - A 14-year-old boy is in trouble after
dressing up as Batman and entering a home through an
unlocked door. Eagle County Sheriff's deputies responded to
a call Friday night that a person dressed as the fictional
crime fighter had gone into a home and passed a girl going
up the stairs. She thought it was her brother at first, but
when "Batman" didn't answer her, she screamed. The brother
and father chased the superhero outside and wrestled him to
the ground until police came. "He believes he's on a
mission to help people get off drugs," Kim Andree, spokes-
woman for the sheriff's office, said. "He really believes
he's helping. I think the family is working on getting him
some assistance."
+---- Inflatable Raft No Match For N.Y. Harbor ----+
NEW YORK - Firefighters rescued two teens who tried to sail
New York Harbor on a 5-foot inflatable raft. The pair --
Edgar Reyn and Nikita Suponya, both 17 -- set off Monday
afternoon aboard the raft, intending to paddle three miles
from Staten Island to Hoffman Island. However, currents
pulled the raft into the path of freighters, barges and
other large ships. Someone on shore called authorities and
a fire department boat rescued the New York teens. One
rescue worker told the New York Post trying to sail New
York Harbor on an inflatable raft was like "riding a
tricycle on the Belt Parkway. Two kids on a Schwinn without
a helmet."
=========================================================
>-->From ScreamOfTheCrop:
|..| ? ?
c >| ?
\'/
/><\
unknown
Q. Why is one side of the aluminum foil shinier than the other?
A. Sheets of aluminum are pressed flat into foil by putting them
between heavy rollers, two sheets at a time. The outside surfaces
in direct contact with the polished rollers pick up a shine,
while the inner surfaces, facing each other, are duller.
-<>-
I am the All-Knowing Great One.
What is your question?
______ ,
/ \
/ \
J__________L
|(____)(____)|
| /\ |
J / \ L
J / \ L Dude, where's my car?
| /______\ | '
| ____________ | ##
J' `L [[#
| `------------' | .||>
| | dd
#################################################dp
>Word Origins:
John F. asked me, “When someone has had way too much to drink,
I have heard it said that they are "three sheets in the wind."
Where did that saying come from?”
Good one to research. Here's what we have, courtesy of and
thanks to Steve Tinsley and Tony Scott.
The phrase comes from 18th-19th century English Naval terminology.
The original phrase was "three Sheets in the wind" and referred
to the erratic behavior of a ship that has lost control of all of
its sails.
In nautical terminology sheets are the ropes that adjust the
position of the sails relative to the wind. The speed and
direction of a sailing ship is controlled by the number of sails
raised on each mast, the angle of the sails to the wind (trim of
the sails), and the position of the rudder. If the sheets used
to control the sails are to break or have been released, the
sheet is said to be "in the wind." A sail thrashing wildly in a
strong wind with its sheet (the control ropes) blowing about. It
would be very difficult to regain control of such a sail.
Prior to the 1810's it was common for ships to have three masts,
(fore, main, and mizzen). If the sheets on all three masts are
"in the wind", the ship loses all steering control. The ship's
lack of control is likened to that of a stumbling drunk.
-<>-
Q. Where did "keep your shirt on" come from?
A. In the 19th century men's shirts were more restrictive than
they are now. Men angry enough to throw a punch and want to
fight needed to remove their shirts for more freedom of
movement. "Keeping their shirts on" was therefore a good way of
avoiding physical contact.
-<>-
>Cops say the darndest things!
,
__ _.-"` `'-.
/||\'._ __{}_(
|||| |'--.__\
| L.( ^_\^
\ .-' | _ |
| | )\___/
| \-'`:._]
jgs \__/; '-.
The following were taken off of actual police car videos around
the country:
"Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new... they'll
stretch out after you wear them awhile."
"Take your hands off the car... or I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."
"If you run... you'll only go to jail tired."
"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you
didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired
from my gun."
"So you don't know how fast you were going... I guess that
means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"
"Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't
think it will help. Oh... did I mention that I am the shift
supervisor?"
"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to
do that again or I'll give you another ticket."
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you
are drunk or not... was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"
"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where
you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and step in monkey
poop."
"Yeah, we have a quota... two more tickets and my wife gets a
toaster oven."
"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."
"Just how big were those two beers?"
"No, sir. We don't have quotas anymore... we used to have quotas
but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."
"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend
of yours... at least you know someone who can post your bail."
"You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we
don't... sign here."
-<>-
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las
Vegas but there are more Catholic churches there than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give
casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from so many different casinos, the
churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The
churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan
Monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the
casinos of origin and cashed in.
Of course, this is done by a chip monk.
-<>-
\_/
--(_)-- .
/ \ /_\
|Q|
.-----' '-----. __
/____[SCHOOL]___\ ()))
| [] .-.-. [] | (((())
..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on
the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday, you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Gus, why do you always get so dirty?
GUS: 'Cause I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's
cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know
why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the ax in his hand.
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the
same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, teacher, it's the same dog
=========================================================
>-->From Cleanlaughs:
_______________________
|\_____________________/|
|| ||
|| _ _ ||
|| / ) / ) __ |_| ||
|| / -|- / -- | ||
|| `== `== ' ||
|| _____ ||
||______________#####__||
jgs |/_____________________\|
It was the first day of school, after summer vacations and
time for me to pick up the children in my school bus and
take them home again. After I had made the complete run that
afternoon, one little boy remained on the bus.
Thinking he had simply missed his stop, I started driving
slowly back through the neighborhood and asked him to be
sure to let me know if any of the houses or people looked
familiar. The boy sat in his seat contentedly and shook his
head whenever I asked him if he recognized a person or place.
After the second unsuccessful tour of the area, I started
back to the school to ask for his address. When we arrived,
the child got off the bus and started walking away. "Wait!"
I called. "We have to go inside and find out where you live."
"I live right there," he said, pointing to a house across
the street. "I just always wanted to ride in a school bus."
-<>-
I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for
my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on
the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly
requesting a dozen red roses.
"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last
bunch." The desperate customer turned to me and begged,
"Please I'll pay you twice what you paid for those roses?"
"What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anni-
versary?"
"It's even worse than that," he confided. "I broke my wife's
hard drive!"
-<>-
()___
()//__/)_________________()
||(___)//#/_/#/_/#/_/#()/||
||----|#| |#|_|#|_|#|_|| ||
||____|_|#|_|#|_|#|_|#||/||
jgs || |#|_|#|_|#|_|#|_||
On vacation, a man and his wife check into a hotel. The
husband wants to have a snack at the restaurant, but his
wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to
their room to rest.
She lies down on the bed... just then, a train passes by
very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she's
thrown out of the bed.
Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down
once more. But just a few minutes later a train again
shakes the room so violently, she's pitched to the floor.
Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the
manager who says he'll be right up.
The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story
is true.
"Look... lie here on the bed -- you'll be thrown right to
the floor!" So he lies down next to the wife.
Just then the husband walks in. He takes one look at the
manager lying in bed with his wife and yells, "Hey! What
are you doing in here!?"
The manager calmly replies, "Would you believe I'm waiting
for a train?"
-<>-
.-.
__/ (
, '-.____\
u=='/ \
/_/ \
.-'' |
( ____/_____
_>_/.--------
\///
//
snd //
>KIDS!
* I was driving with my three young children one warm summer
evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood
up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from
the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat,
"Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
* While working for an organization that delivers lunches to
elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4- year-old daughter
on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age,
particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfail-
ingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair
of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for
the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and
whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
* A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party.
When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy,
you shouldn't wear that suit." "And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next
morning."
-<>-
I asked my wife if she had seen this morning's paper. She
said, "Yes, I wrapped the garbage in it--just the classified
section, though."
I said, "But...but...I haven't seen it yet!"
She replies, "Oh, you didn't miss much. Just some egg shells,
coffee grounds and a few orange peels."
-<>-
>A woman's guide to understanding men...
1. A good place to meet a man is
____
\ \
_\___\_
/ " _)
((\__-_\
/ \\ at the dry cleaner.
/__| /\\
UUU / /
| /,_/
|/|\ |__
/__\____\ gnv
These men usually have jobs and bathe.
2. All men hate to hear, "We need to talk about our relation-
ship." These seven words strike fear in the heart of even
retired General Schwartzkopf.
3. Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel
important.
4. Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
5. Most men hate to shop. That's why the men's department is
usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches
from the door.
6. Men forget everything; women remember everything. Think
about it! How many women's sports use something called an
"instant replay?"
7. Men are self-confident because they grow up
,-----.
/' `\ identifying with
; ----,---- ;
| `o- |`o- | super-heroes.
| |_ |
| _____, | Women have bad
\_ _/
| `-----' | self-images
__.-; ;-.__
_,-' ; : ; ; `-._ because
_,' `.
,`-,_____ \ : : / ____,-'-,
/' ```----. .----''' `\
/ \_/ \
| | |
| , | , |
| | | | |
| \ | / |
\ /\ o | o /\ /
/ | |`\ / \ /'| | \
| | | `------' `------' | | |
| | \ _.--'|`--._ / | |
\ | | __|--'|`--|__ | | /
| | | __|--'|`--|__pb | | |
they grow up identifying with Barbie.
8. No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is
on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant.
9. Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've
never seen a man walk into a party and say, "Oh no, I'm so
embarrassed; I've got to get out of here. There's another
man wearing a black tuxedo."
10. Men have higher body temperatures than women. If your
heating goes out in winter, I recommend sleeping next to a
man. Men are like portable heaters that snore.
=========================================================
>-->Tennis Lessons:
____
/xxxx\
|xxxxxx| Copyright 2003
|xxxxxx| _
\xxxxxx/ (~)
\xxxx/
\--/ W. Bruce Cameron
||
||
|| ejm96
||
||
[]
— Please do not remove the copyright from this essay
I am something of a natural-born tennis player-meaning, I play like
someone who has never had lessons. I'm also blessed with a superb
athletic ability, so that even though I go a decade without setting
foot on a tennis court, when I pick up a racket I'm instantly as
good as when I played for the very first time.
My 13-year-old son decided this summer that he wanted to take up
the sport, and asked me if I would give him some lessons. "Sure," I
responded with enthusiasm, "how about next month sometime?"
Kids nowadays are into "instant gratification," so he seemed to
feel waiting an entire month was too much to ask. He even accused
me of "doing nothing" at that moment, even though he could clearly
see I was involved in getting comfortable on the hammock.
A nurturing and involved parent, I decided to forego my nap and
drive my son down to the neighborhood courts for a lesson or two,
because that's just the kind of dad I am and also because my
daughter baked some cookies for us to take along.
Once we had stationed ourselves on either side of the net and
began tapping the ball back and forth, it was immediately clear
that my son had been practicing. In fact, one of his shots came
directly at me with such speed it was all I could do to dodge out
of the way. "Hey," I shouted, "you made me drop my cookie!"
"Why didn't you hit it back instead of ducking?" he taunted.
(Remember, he doesn't understand how to play the game.)
"Let's just do a set," I suggested. Sometimes, the big dog has to
remind the little dog who runs the herd. I cranked up and fired a
bullet, my serve sizzling through the air so fast it fried the
fuzz right off the ball.
"Net," he called for some reason.
I took pity on him and tapped the next one more softly.
"Out," he shouted.
"Look, do you want to play or not?" I demanded.
.
|\
|X\
XX\ _ O_/
XX\ o (#)==_/\
XX\ /\/
XX\ /
XX\.
XX|
ejm97 X|
Apparently my next serve was to his liking, as he returned it to
my forehand-initiating the following exchange between my brain
and my body.
Memo
To: Feet
From: Brain
Subject: Get Moving!
Dear Feet, we are here and the ball is over there. Move!
Reply Memo
To: Brain
From: Feet
Dear Brain, in receipt of your memo, referenced above. Please
explain "ball" and why we should care about same.
Reply Reply Memo
To: Feet
From: Brain
Would you please just get going? We can debate this later!
I put everything I had into my lunge, moving faster than Tiger
Woods at NASCAR. Unfortunately the tennis ball was in some way
flawed, bouncing out of my reach in a most defective fashion.
"My point!" my son called gaily.
I accepted this gratuitous comment with typical good
sportsmanship.
"You're not supposed to swear," he advised me.
My son is at the age where he improves 80% with every stroke,
whereas I am at the age where there was an 80% chance I would
HAVE a stroke. After ten minutes of chasing back and forth
trying to return his woefully misdirected shots, I tossed the
ball up and walloped it, sending it soaring over the fence and
into the weeds.
"Go get it," I wheezed.
"Why?"
"Those are the rules," I told him.
"But you did that on purpose!"
"Hey, have you read the rule book? No. Have I? Yes. Now go get
the ball."
"Aren't you going to play any more?"
"No, I'm going to lie down. I'm having internal bleeding. Are
there any more cookies?"
,odOO"bo,
,dOOOP'dOOOb,
,O3OP'dOO3OO33,
P",ad33O333O3Ob
?833O338333P",d
`88383838P,d38'
`Y8888P,d88P'
`"?8,8P"'
felix lee
Grumbling, he went off to search for the ball. I gazed up at the
sky and made a mental note to complain to the homeowner's
association about the presence of a tennis court in our
neighborhood. I mean, what kind of thing is that to have in a
place where there are children around?
Write to Bruce:
http://www.wbrucecameron.com/email_bruce.htm
Bruce email
=========================================================
>-->From TheJokester:
.--------.
.' `.
_`.-. _...._ .-.'_
(_)`-' __)(__ `-'(_)
(....__|LESTER|__....)
| | ~~~~~~ | |
`-' `-'
License Plates
These are purported to be real personalized license plates
for cars in the United States:
WUF WUF - On a Brown Rover
KSNKUZNS - Two first cousins married a few years ago, so their
license plate reads "kissing cousins."
2QT4U - 2 Cute for you
TUSKY - To ski
TIHZ O - This one that works in the rear view mirror. This guy
fooled the Ontario authorities.
4MYEGO - On a Porsche.
BSSCLRNT - On a professional bass clarinetist' car.
BANDLADY - On a high school band teacher's car.
ORFFAN - On a car of music educator, who teaches using methods
developed by Carl Orff.
SEWBIZ - On the car owned by a sewing machine dealership.
IDUNTOLU - Seen on a school principal's car. He was in charge of
discipline.
GGR OOM - On a Horse Grooming Company car.
PN DCTR - On acupuncturist's car.
6UL DV8 - S%xual Deviate
JUNK - On a 1993 GMC (jimmy). On a recycler of junk metals in
Maryland.
MNOPAZ - On a car that was filled with ladies who all appeared to
be in their 50s.
PBFT - Leadfoot. PB is the chemical symbol for lead.
SXIZFN - Self-explanatory
ML8ML8 - I'm late, I'm late {for a very important date}, On a
white Volkswagen Rabbit.
N24PLAY - Seen on the street in Wichita
FR8TRAIN - Freight Train - The nickname of a railroad enthusiast
in North Carolina
PUR XTC - Pure ecstasy, on a Porsche (what else?)
HANGMHI - Hang him high, Plate are on a local Superior Court judge's
Jaguar. This judge is known for being very no-nonsense.
NOT OJS - On a white Ford Bronco, seen in Virginia.
IBCNU - A large white Elderado. It was clean and fancy.
38DD - Owner was a stripper. (It pays to advertise!)
E-I-E-I-O - An old farmer in Monmouth County, whose name is really
McDonald.
BOXDOC - A local gynecologist in New Jersey.
-<>-
(An Et-Ahem!)
A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed
that the kind of male face a woman finds attractive can differ
depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. For instance, if
she is ovulating she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine
features. However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she is
more prone to be attracted to a man with scissors lodged in his
temple and a bat jammed up his bottom while he is on fire. Further
studies are expected, ready to volunteer?
-<>-
_
, L\
\/OO\
|/ \
/_\ `
_\ |_ Arjen Pilon
>It all starts with MEN! - - Finally
Okay, okay, it "finally" all makes sense now... I never looked at
it this way before:
MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnocologist
AND
When we have REAL trouble it's a HISterectomy
Ever notice how all of women's problems start with MEN?
-<>-
________
/________\
//( ( ( ( \\
|| ((||
||) ) ` ) )||
|| (\___( ( ||
\|) ) \)_|/
/ ((\_v_/ \
/ /) x \ \
| | x | |
| \ x / |
| | x | |
| |\ x /| |
| |/\ x /\| |
| | \x/ | |
| | V | |
/____\ /____\
| | | |
/ \ / \
| | | |
`~~| |~~'
|\ /|
| \ / |
|___V___|
| / \ |
| / \ |
|/ \|
/ \
/ \
______/ \_______
============================
Alyssa
>Ways to know if you have PMS
· Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
· You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet
· The drier has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
· Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
· You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper
sticker that says, "How's my driving call 1-800-***-****."
· Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
· You're convinced there's a devil and he's male.
· You're counting down the days until menopause.
· You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
· The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.
-<>-
>Things PMS Stands For
· Pass My Shotgun
· Psychotic Mood Shift
· Pack My Stuff
· Permanent Menstrual Syndrome
. Perpetual Munching Spree
· Puffy Midsection
· People Make Me Sick
· Provide Me with Sweets
· Pardon My Sobbing
· Pimples May Surface
· Pass My Sweatpants
· Pissy Mood Syndrome
· Plainly Men Suck
And the number one thing PMS Stands for........
_"_ %
(< ?
` "
__||___
|\___//_\
(' | ') \\
__|\ , / |/
/: / \ ::
\| ######o /|
######## \)
########
\ : /
\: /
--
%%%
%%
%
/:\
|/|, b'ger
. Who Cares? I'm not in the mood to play this game anymore!!
=========================================================
>-->FUN Places To Net Visit :)
Amazing Trivia Facts!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/triviafacts.html
Feeding The Eagles!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eaglefeeding.html
Chuckles 4!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chuckles4.html
Maxine On Jesus!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/maxineonjesus.html
Ladies Unleashed!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ladies.html
Cat-Snaps Photos!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/catsnaps.html
Men Will Be Boys!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/menboys.html
Fun With Seniors 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/seniorfun2.html
Why Me? Moments!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whyme.html
Comedy In Nature 6!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/comedyinnature6.html
Got A Nanosecond 13!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nano13.html
Animals Acting Weird!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/strangeanimals.html
For Coffee Lovers!
https://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/coffee.html
I Believe...
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/believe.html
Aunty Acid Humor!
https://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/auntyacidhumor.html
Car Show 2!
https://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/carshow2.html
Bobcat On A Cactus!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bobcatoncactus.html
Fire Rainbow Cloud!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/firerainbow.html
Real Fantasy Trees 2!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/trees2.html
Funny Animal Facts!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/zoo2.html
Spain's Wood Festival!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/woodfestival.html
Beaches In South Korea!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/beaches2.html
Arrows Across America!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/arrows.html
Underwater River In Mexico!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/underriver.html
Amazing Football Facts!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/footballfacts.html
Life's Little Oops 13!
http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/whoops13.html
9-11 and Troop Index!
https://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/911andtroopsindex.html
Summer Index!
https://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/summerindex.html
-<>-
How to Become a Christian - How to Get Born Again / How to Get Saved /
Romans 10:9 & 10
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMzblR8YDQ0
Bible
https://quod.lib.umich.edu/k/kjv/
Bible Study Index
http://www.absolutebiblestudy.com/Contents.htm
Bible Teaching Videos - John Schoenheit Spirit And Truth
https://tinyurl.com/2gyn3f35
=======================================================
>-->Past Quotes & Thunkers:
"Today on MSNBC they posted an article: "How to Avoid a Bear
Attack." Number one tip: "never surprise a bear". Like if
it's his birthday, the whole surprise party is bad, just give
him a gift... they hate the "Booo!"
-- Jay Leno
"President Bush is taking his summer vacation. This is his
fiftieth vacation in the last five years -- that's about the
national average isn't it? During his five-week vacation,
he will continue to receive national security briefings. He
won't be reading them, but he will receive them."
-- David Letterman
"It was reported today that an anti-Hillary website has only
been able to raise $12,000. When asked why Bill Clinton said,
'That's all I had.'"
-- Conan O'Brien
If the left side of your brain controls the right side of
your body, then only left-handed people are in their right
mind.
"There is so much good in the worst of us, and so much bad
in the best of us, that it ill behooves any of us to find
fault with the rest of us."
-- James Truslow Adams
"He looked as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of
angel food cake."
--Raymond Chandler
"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any
address on it?"
--Mark Twain
"He was a great patriot, a humanitarian, and a loyal friend;
provided, of course, he really is dead."
-- Voltaire
"I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in
the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my
face."
-- Rodney Dangerfield
"When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was
in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big
red mark on my forehead."
-- Jeff Shaw
"We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl
would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it
stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime.
By the time I was 14, I owned my own home."
-- Gene Perret
>Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah, Shangy!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
https://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html
FUN URLS
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-->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $35 will get your ad message (of up to 40
words) out to all web site list readers.
Email me to secure dates.
Ad Request
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-->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class
NEW LIFE IN CHRIST!
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home
Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the
Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do
Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes:
https://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html
Home Recipes
>Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE:
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