Smiles For Flag Day And Father's Day... :) Shangy! >Here are the details on our ShangyFunList: Group Web Site: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ShangyFunList.html Group email address: bcrsystems@earthlink.net Shangrala Family Fun: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/ ================ *~* A REMINDER: PLEASE Send me sweet, interesting, funny, inspiring, family type forwards ANY TIME here... bcrsystems@earthlink.net I Need them, Love them, Use them, and Share them! THANK YOU!! AND For Facebook Users: Please Like Me here... http://tinyurl.com/cma6all AND Please Share This email with All Your Friends And Family! ^~^ May God SUPER BLESS You As You Do! THANK YOU! ================ __ __ ,-' `' \ _---``-- / _ _ ; __ `. / / `' \; /`----- ) / .-/ ,( ), \-. ; | \( \ / )/; | - _5 `7 -; / ( ___-' `-____ | ( ___`-_ \ ____| \ / `,/ \ _(\__ / \ \ ; \ .' /' `i. / | | \ _-'( _\__-/ `- | | ` ,` `_ | BP * Don't forget to follow us on social media for our latest updates and uproarious funny and inspiring pages! On Facebook: https://tinyurl.com/y8dcm8x7 On X (Twitter): http://tinyurl.com/n5uf3dxv ================ _ (_) |_________________________________________ |* * * * * |##########################| | * * * * *| | |* * * * * |##########################| | * * * * *| | |* * * * * |##########################| | * * * * *| | |* * * * * |##########################| |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | |#########################################| | | |#########################################| | | |###################################JGS###| |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | | | | *~* Happy Flag Day And Happy Birthday To Pres. Donald J. Trump! >June 14th Fly the flag proudly - We have such a great country that our border was being swarmed by illegals Biden was letting in! We Praise God For America! Long may our Flag Wave! Flag Day: Trump promises ‘thundering tanks and breathtaking flyovers’ at military parade on Flag Day: ‘Like nothing you’ve ever seen’ - “On Saturday June 14th, which is Flag Day, we are honoring the 250th anniversary of the greatest fighting force in history, the United States Army. We will celebrate [with] a spectacular military parade in Washington, D.C.,” Pres. Trump said. -<>- >From The American Legion: _ (_) <___> | |______ | |* * * ) | | * * (_________ | |* * * |* *|####) | | * * *| * | (________________ | |* * * |* *|####|##############| | | * * *| * | | | | |* * * |* *|####|##############| | |~~~~~~| * | | | | |######|* *|####|##############| | | |~~~' | | | |######|########|##############| | | | | | | |######|########|##############| | |~~~~~~| | | | | |########|##############| | | '~~~~~~~~| | | | |##########JGS#| | | '~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ | | | | | | * Respect The Flag When you see the Stars and Stripes displayed son, stand up and take off your hat. Somebody may titter. It is in the blood of some to deride all expression of noble sentiment. You may blaspheme in the street and stagger drunken in public places, and the bystanders will not pay much attention to you; but if you should get down on your knees and pray to Almighty God, or if you should stand bareheaded while a company of old soldiers marches by with flags to the breeze, some people will think you are showing off. But don't you mind! When Old Glory comes along, salute, and let them think what they please! When you hear the band play "The Star-Spangled Banner" while you are in a restaurant or hotel dining room, get up even if you rise alone; stand there and don't be ashamed of it, either! For of all the signs and symbols since the world began there is none other so full of meaning as the flag of this country. That piece of red, white and blue bunting means five thousand years of struggle upward. It is the full-grown flower of ages of fighting for liberty. It is the century plant of human hope in bloom. Your flag stands for humanity, for an equal opportunity to all the sons of men. Of course we haven't arrived yet at that goal; there are many injustices yet among us, many senseless and cruel customs of the past still clinging to us, but the only hope of righting the wrongs of men lies in the feeling produced in our bosoms by the sight of that flag. Other flags mean a glorious past, this flag a glorious future. It is not so much the flag of our fathers as it is the flag of our children, and of all children's children yet unborn. It is the flag of tomorrow. It is the signal of the "Good Time Coming." It is not the flag of your king — it is the flag of yourself and of all your neighbors. Don't be ashamed when your throat chokes and the tears come, as you see it flying from the masts of our ships on all the seas or floating from every Flagstaff of the Republic. You will never have a worthier emotion. Reverence it as you would reverence the signature of the Deity. Listen, son! The band is playing the national anthem - "The Star- Spangled Banner!" They have let loose Old Glory yonder. Stand up — and others will stand with you. This tribute to the flag is offered to the country in appeal to all men and women of all races, colors and tongues, that they may come to understand that our flag is the symbol of liberty and learn to love it. ALVIN M. OWSLEY, Past National Commander, The American Legion. -<>- __/ _________ \,/ |. |_ | |. |:| . |//_ |. |/ . \ ) |_________| . o= __|___|__ __________________.___/ |_________[_________]__________________________ | | | __ _____ ___ _____ __ ___ _______ ________ _____ _____ __ | | / // / _ | / _ \/ _ \ \/ / / _ )/ _/ _ \/_ __/ // / _ \/ _ \ \/ / | | / _ / __ |/ ___/ ___/\ / / _ |/ // , _/ / / / _ / // / __ |\ / | | /_//_/_/ |_/_/ /_/ /_/ /____/___/_/|_| /_/ /_//_/____/_/ |_|/_/ | | | | P r e s i d e n t D o n a l d J. T r u m p ! | |_______________________________________________________________________| b'ger Happy Blessed Birthday to Pres. Donald J. Trump! Born on Flag Day, Pres. Trump says this is why he is so patriotic and loves our flag and America so very much! He vows to do all he can to keep it and us free! GOD BLESS AMERICA - NOW AND FOREVER! :) -<>- ___ /_\_\ |;-^-'| ; ._ d - j :. ,<%@. |-_-| / \ {_ _,l ___/\_ _/\_ \,< ___ <~L~>\. /___\_\'/_/_`-.( `___\ \ - |` /___ \ \|/|po /||_/-___L":--;" L _ \ \ |o|LY| |(n==\^\^''--`-,-_ [-><-]=3 || ^;| |`\ _')>\ /<__/\ |< !c)|o ; |;| "| _' \ \/ /po | |- | | ; ' |,-. |.V \/ |LY | |\__, _L |o : | / \ \||\ |o^ ^| | _|/| / _\__ : / 7 '<|`. | | | / |L/ < /\: | Y \ | \|' | | | |/ /_ | | | | \| A|. | | /| |/|PO| | || | | |V| | | || |<|LY| | || | |,| | |_ | / | | ^^ | | | | | |____| |" | | | | | | | | |#^' |4 \ | | | | | | |,| | |%_| | | |m | A \ | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | / | / | | \ || | | | | | | / /| |__| || | | l | | |> / / | | \___/|_A_| | | | | / / | | | | || |m1a *~* Happy Blessed Father's Day! :) May you all have a wonderful, safe and Blessed weekend! Your thought for the day: "One father is more than a hundred schoolmasters." -- English Proverb Especially if your Father is God Almighty! -<>- >-->HOT Off The 'Shangy' Press :) Our too hot to handle new page is from our friend CarolC. In the age of upcoming fake AI photos, it is refreshing to see these beautiful pics from photographers from around the world. Be sure to give a few moments of your time here: ___ / _ \\ ,, /=(_)=\\// \ =(_) (O} \_____\\ .--. Jonathon R. Oglesbee /=(_)\\\ .'_\/_'. \____/// '. /\ .' aka JRO ()) "||" || /\ /\ ||//\) (/\\||/ ____________\||/________________________________ IPA Nature Photo Awards! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ipaphotos.html --- ...Quite stunning! Thanks CarolC! Our sizzling hot new page is from our friends Linda and PatDeE. I'm somewhat of an art lover buff so this page immediately caught my attention and mesmerized me with its excellent photos. Be sure to give it a little of your time along with its video here: o#######o o###########o o#############o ################# ###### \########o '#;^ _^,/---\#####! ,` /^_ .-~^~-.__\# / ^\/,,@@@,, ;| | \!!@@@@@!! ^, #. .\; '9@@@P' ^, ###./^ ----,_^^ /@-._ ^--._,o@@@@@@ ^;@@@@@@@@@ ^-;@@@@ Artistic Beauty! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/artist.html --- ...Great eye candy! So captivating! Thanks My friends! I'll have More of these to come. :) ======================================================== >-->From AJokeADay: ## ## ## ## ) ) ############## #### ###### #### ###################### ## ############## ## ) ) ## ## ## ## #### #### ## ## ## ## ## ## ## Q: What do you call an extremely clingy alien? A: A personal space invader. -<>- Sharon: I tell you, Doctor, even though I’m dieting, I’m still gaining weight! Doctor: You might be pregnant. Sharon: What?! That can’t be, I use birth control pills! Doctor: That’s not a hundred percent certain. Sharon: Then what is? Doctor: Abstinence. Sharon: Would you give me a prescription for it? -<>- Wife: Are you having another sleepless night?!? Husband: Yeah! I’m so darn angry, I’ve got insomnia again. Wife: What’s eating you tonight? Husband: It's that day gone boss of mine! He gets me so boiling mad! He keeps bugging me all day long! Hounding me! Hounding me!! Then, when comes time to go to bed, I’m so full of “I should’ve said!” that I can’t get any shut-eye! Wife: What’s he got against you anyway? Husband: He says I keep falling asleep on the job. -<>- My Grandma always used to say, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away." I don't know if that's true, or just one of Granny's myths. -<>- I read somewhere that it takes a village to raise a child... Where is this village and is there a number you can call? -<>- _\|/_ /--\ |[]| _] \/ [_ /_ `==' _\ \\| |// l\ __/j `|-'##| |#||#| |#||#| _|#||#|_ `==" "==` as Father: I finally won a battle in the never-ending war between parents and children. Mother: That I’d like to see. Father: Take a look. Mother: Well, I’ll be darned! That’s our son out there, actually mowing the lawn! How in the world did you ever manage that? Father: He wanted to borrow the car, and I told him I’d lost keys in the overgrown grass! -<>- _.-'`'-._ .-' _ '-. `-.__ `\_.-' | `-``\| jgs `-.....-A # # >Thoughts Of The Day * You Miss Them All "You miss 100% of the shots you don't take." - Wayne Gretzky, NHL Hockey Legend * We've All Got Weaknesses “We’ve all got weaknesses. Me, for instance. I’m tragically funny and good-looking.” - Rick Riordan, The Mark of Athena * A Book About Failures “If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?” Jerry Seinfeld ======================================================== +------------ BIZARRE HOLIDAYS ------------+ June 9 is Donald Duck Day, International Omelet Day, National Strawberry Rhubarb Pie Day and Holy Spirit Monday June 10 is Ball Point Pen Day, Herb and Spices Day, Iced Tea Day and Alcoholics Anonymous Founders' Day June 11 is Making Life Beautiful Day, National Children’s Day, National Corn on the Cob Day and National German Chocolate Cake Day June 12 is National Jerky Day, National Peanut Butter Cookie Day, Nursing Assistants Day, Loving Day and Red Rose Day June 13 is Blame Someone Else Day, Friday the 13th, National Weed Your Garden Day, Pigeon Appreciation Day and Sewing Machine Day June 14 is Flag Day, Army Birthday, Pres. Trump Birthday, Monkey Around Day, National Cucumber Day and World Juggler’s Day June 15 is Father’s Day, Global Wind Day, National Nature Photography Day, National Prune Day, Smile Power Day and National Turkey Lovers Day ======================================================== >-->From Mikey'sFunnies: ___ _..':::\ /::::::::\ /::::::::::\ /::::::::::::\ ___ (:.--.)\/(,.--.:::::;. ,',-. \ / ,-.`.:::::) ( / \ / \ ):::/%\ || .d| |b. ||:::'|%%\ _|| 88| |88 ||_ |%%%\ /. \ 88|.---.|88 / ,\ |%%^%\ `.\ `--" "--' /,' |% %) `> _________ <' ,-' ,---.---.---. `-. `--'\ \j/ /`--' `.\ /,' \\_______// `-------' hjw Here's the difference between knowledge and wisdom: Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting a tomato in a fruit salad. -<>- First man: "I hear the First National Bank is looking for a new teller." Second man: "I thought they just hired a new teller last week." First man: "Right, that's the one they're looking for." -<>- I got fired from my job because I kept asking the customers whether they would prefer "smoking or non-smoking?" Apparently, I should have been asking, "cremation or burial?" -<>- | | / / \ / \__ ____ / / \ / \ | /| / | \ \ / |____________/ / | |_____________///////// < |____________| | |(______________ () \ | / () | () | | \\\\\\\\\ \| | __|__ | | _|___/___ \___ | | __---- ----__\---\_ / __ | ______________________ \____-------------______/ \ / \ / / / / _/ ---| it theemth | / \ / / / | i thlighly | / $ / / | mithtook | / / / | your meaning there, | | | / | buthtah !!! | \______________// \______________________/ \________/ unknown >WAYS TO ANNOY PEOPLE ~ Leave the photocopier set to "reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies." ~ Sit in your yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. ~ Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." ~ Sing along at the opera. ~ Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy." ~ Staple papers in the middle of the page. ~ Honk and wave to strangers. ~ Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. ~ TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE. ~ Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." ~ Go to a poetry recital and after each poem ask why it doesn't rhyme. -<>- >WASHING A CAT - QUICK & EASY! 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted. 3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any thing they can find. 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective. 6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself. Sincerely, A DOG OWNER -<>- A truck loaded with Vicks VapoRub overturned on the highway. Amazingly, there was no congestion for eight hours. -<>- .---. ___ /_____\ /\.-`( '.' ) / / \_-_/_ \ `-.-"`'V'//-. `.__, |// , \ |Ll //Ll|\ \ |__// | \_\ /---|[]==| / / \__/ | \/\/ /_ | Ll_\| |`^"""^`| | | | | | | | | | | | | L___l___J jgs |_ | _| (___|___) ^^^ ^^^ A new soldier was on sentry duty at the main gate. His orders were clear: no car was to enter unless it had a special military sticker on the windshield. A big Army car came up with a general seated in the back. The sentry said, "Halt, who goes there?" The corporal, who was driving, said, "General Wheeler." "I'm sorry, I can't let you through. You have to have a military sticker on your windshield." The general said, "Drive on!" The sentry replied, "Hold it! Hold it! You cannot come through. I have orders to shoot if you try driving in without a military sticker." The general repeated, "I'm telling you, son, drive on!" The sentry walked up to the rear window and said, "General Sir, I'm new at this. Do I shoot you or your driver?" -<>- Charcuterie is just Lunchables for adults. ======================================================== /:""| .@@@@@, |: 66|_ @@@@@@@@, C _) aa`@@@@@@ \ ._| (_ ?@@@@ ) / =' @@@@" /`\\ \(``` || |Y| //`\ ."~~~~~". || |#| / | || | .:. | || |#| \ | || A | /6 6\ | || |#| / | || |~|_|_\ e /_|_ .@@@@, :| |=: / | |\ |_|)___`"`___(8 aa`@@@, ||_|,| | |_| \ |~~~~~~~~~| = `@@@ \)))|| | ((( | \_________/ )_/`@' |~~~`-`~~~| `~\~~~~~~| |/ /_\ \| / || @ | | `\ / ()/___\() | || @ |_________| ( || ||~~~~~|| /~|| "` |_________| | || || || /__W_\ | || | || || || ||| |_||__ __|_|| ||_____|| _||| jgs (____)) (:;:;)) ||-----|| ((___) >-->Happy Father's Day Smiles: Q: What did baby corn say to mama corn? A: Where's popcorn? Q: What do you call your dad when he falls through the ice? A: a POPsicle! Q: How do fathers exercise on the beach? A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini. _.._..,_,_ ( ) ]~,"-.-~~[ .=])' (; ([ | ]:: ' [ '=]): .) ([ |:: ' | ~~----~~ Paul Martin Howard Q: How do you know your dad is planning for the future? A: He buys two cases of beer instead of one. Q: How do you scare a divorced dad? A: Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice! Q: Why don't some fathers have a mid-life crisis? A: They're stuck in adolescence. twoep mkkkkkkk z1 ldk Vtmn i Cm k k Tkm k xk D k V m yl m m m h l l k Y k p yk l l k V y k l k r 7h z l k l l o `' l 7 l k k r ' p m k lmmmt k l .l m k l km l r k Yh y k 2oP k t tyyy k ' y k Dk D m mm m V mmmmyt mn Tyl t m Ymmm (---. ' __ r mt Yz (`-- `-' ) mmm mmlt YMmmmmnnc -_ = -- wwwwt D > = (BP mkT Y ---______) K m mkT Ym y Y ym m Ymm Q: Why did the baby strawberry cry? A: Because his dad was in a jam! Q: What did the daddy tomato say to the baby tomato? A: catch up! Q: Why are Fathers like parking spaces? A: The good ones are already taken! `;.`;'. `;);.(~;(`; `(;);;;;;);(::` ;)(; ; ;;~;;;(; `(`;;~- -~(;~;)`) ;(`;) ' ;);;; ; `;);;(;`\ ^_/(;)~;;); (;);.;) ':);( ..(; `'((;); )(.');`: ;.' );("'(""/; ;`.) | | / / \ \;);: | |/ /WwW\ \;`' \ /) .X.\ \ \_/ .X. \_/ TS Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because her father was a wafer so long! Q: What did daddy spider say to baby spider? A: You spend too much time on the web. Q: What is the definition of Mass Confusion? A: Fathers Day in the ghetto. Q: What do you call the father you walk all over? A: Stepdad. \_/ --(_)-- . / \ /_\ |Q| .-----' '-----. __ /____[SCHOOL]___\ ())) | [] .-.-. [] | (((()) ..|____|_|_|____|..................................)(... ldb Father: Let me see your report card. Son: I don't have it. Father: Why not? Son: My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying." Man: How old is your father? Child: As old as me. Man: How it is possible? Child: He became a father only when I was born. _ / \ / \ ____/ _ \_ ____/ \____ \ __/ _ `---.___ / ____/ \____ __/ \___.-- ______------' -.__________ __________.--------' `--------- a88a | a88a ----' | | __________________ ____________--------------- `------- .aa. 8888b ____ Y988P ______ _______.---' `-----_____ _____/ \_ \______ _/ \ \ `-- / | \__ / | \_ / | \ __/ | \_ / | \ _/ a:f Science teacher: When is the boiling point reached? Student: When my father sees my report card! ======================================================== >-->From Our Friend LouiseAu :) ________ [_________] ,,,,, _|// , , ;; ( / < D =o |. / /\| _____|><|_______/o / / '==| :: |==' < / / \ < > /____/ / _/\ | :: | / \ ||_|____|/ |o| | x | ( \ / _'_ \ //// | \ | | | | | | | | | \ _ | _ / \ | / \ | / |_|_| /o | o\ /o _|_ o\ (__/ \__) b'ger >SMILES A waiter brings the customer the steak he ordered with his thumb on the steak. "Are you crazy?" yelled the customer, "Your hand's on my steak!" "What?" answers the waiter, "You want it to fall on the floor again? --------- At the trial, the engineer insisted that he had given the driver ample warning by waving his lantern back and forth for nearly a minute. He even stood and convincingly demonstrated how he'd done it. The court believed his story, and the suit was dismissed. "Congratulations," the lawyer said to the engineer when it was over. "You did superbly under cross-examination." "Thanks," he said, "but the plaintiff's lawyer sure had me worried." "How's that?" the lawyer asked. "I was afraid he was going to ask if the lantern was lit!" ---------- While being interviewed, wise old King Solomon was asked why he had 1000 wives. His reply. "Well, with 1000 wives... hopefully at least one of them won't have a headache." ---------- It was Palm Sunday and, because of a sore throat, five-year-old Johnny stayed home from church with a sitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked what they were for. "People held them over Jesus' head as he walked by," his older brother explained. "Wouldn't you know it," the boy fumed. "The one Sunday I don't go and He showed up!" --------- ,______________________________________ |_________________,----------._ [____] ""-,__ __....-----===== (_(||||||||||||)___________/ "" | `----------' Krogg98[ ))"-, | "" `, _,--....___ | `/ """" At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. "Well," Bubba began, "We wuz havin' a good time, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?'" "And then what happened?" the officer interrupted. "From what I remember," Bubba said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'" ---------- A blonde really got tired of all blonde jokes and decided to hang herself in the bathroom. As she locked the door, she yelled at her husband, "I'm hanging myself because I'm tired of jokes about us blondes being stupid!" Her husband broke into the bathroom and saw his wife with a rope tied on her toe. The husband said, "I thought you were hanging yourself." She said, "Yes, I am!" The husband replied, "Usually when people hang themselves, they tie the rope around their neck, so why is yours tied on your toe?" She said, "I tried that, but I couldn't breathe." ---------- A guy and Murphy go into a pastry shop. The guy whisks three cookies into his pocket with lightning speed. The baker doesn't even notice. The guy says to Murphy, "You see how clever I am? You can never beat that!" Murphy says to the guy "Oh yeah, Watch dis, any Paddy is smarter din you, and I'll prove it to ya." He says to the baker, "Gimme a cookie, I'll show ya a magic trick!" The baker gives him the cookie, which he promptly eats. Then he says to the baker, "Gimme anudder cookie for me magic trick." The baker is getting suspicious, but he gives it to him. He eats this one too. Then he says again, "Gimme one more cookie..." The baker is getting angry now, but gives him one anyway. He eats this one too. Now the baker is really mad, and he yells, "OK ... so where is your famous magic trick?" Murphy says .... " Now look in that guys pocket!" ---------- My friends hired a male stripper for my wife's birthday party last year. The guy starts throwing his clothes off, and asks her, "What are you thinking, babe?" Apparently she'd been married too long, because she said, "You ARE going to pick up after yourself, right??" --------- A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00. When the postal authorities received the letter to 'God, USA' they decided to send the letter to the President. The President was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. The President thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank-you note to God which read: Dear God, Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Washington DC and, as usual, those guys deducted $95.00. --------- A parts manager for a small electronics shop, had occasion to order part No. 669 from the factory. But when he received it he noticed that someone had sent part No. 699 instead. Furious at the factory's incompetence, he promptly sent the part back along with a letter giving them a piece of his mind. Less than a week later, he received the same part back with a letter containing just four words: "TURN THE PART OVER." ---------- A fellow had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech corporation. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. "Open these if you run up against a problem you don't think you can solve," he said. Well, things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and he was really catching a lot of heat. About at his wit's end, he remembered the envelopes. He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, "Blame your predecessor." The new CEO called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press and Wall Street responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him. About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize." This he did, and the company quickly rebounded. After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company once again fell on difficult times. The CEO went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said, "Prepare three envelopes." --- ...Oh My! HaHaHa! Thanks LouiseAu! ======================================================== >-->From HandyHints: o8Oo./ ._o8o8o8Oo_. \========/ `------' hjw >The Problem with Food Dyes: What’s Really in That Colorful Snack? Let’s talk about food dyes the bright blues in your candies, the rich reds in fruit punch, and the neon orange in some chips. They make food look fun and appealing, but what’s actually going on behind the scenes? While they might seem harmless, food dyes have stirred up a lot of controversy over the years. And for good reason. First, it’s important to know that most artificial food dyes are synthetic, petroleum-based chemicals. Yep, petroleum as in the same stuff used to make gasoline and motor oil. Common dyes like Red 40, Yellow 5, and Blue 1 are made in labs, not kitchens. They don’t offer any nutritional value and are added purely for cosmetic reasons to make food look more vibrant and, frankly, more tempting. So, what’s the big deal? The problem is that artificial food dyes have been linked to a variety of health concerns, especially in children. Several studies have shown a potential connection between certain dyes and hyperactivity or behavioral issues in kids. In fact, some parents report that their children’s focus and mood improve dramatically when food dyes are removed from their diets. Red Dye No. 40, one of the most widely used dyes in the U.S., has been under scrutiny for years. It’s been linked to allergic reactions, migraines, and possible behavior changes in children. Meanwhile, Yellow 5 and Yellow 6 have been associated with allergic-type reactions and, in some animal studies, even potential cancer risks. Europe has taken a much more cautious approach. Many food products in European countries use natural alternatives like beet juice or turmeric for coloring. In fact, several artificial dyes require warning labels in the EU that state they "may have an adverse effect on activity and attention in children." That’s a pretty bold statement, and yet, those same dyes are freely used in American snacks without any warnings at all. Another issue? Food dyes are often hiding in products you wouldn’t expect. It’s easy to think they only show up in candy or sugary cereals, but they’re also found in things like yogurt, salad dressings, pickles, sports drinks, and even medications. If you’re not checking labels, you could be consuming them every single day without realizing it. There’s also a fairness issue. Lower cost and highly processed foods tend to contain more dyes, which means lower-income families who may rely more on packaged foods could be more exposed to these additives. Meanwhile, “healthier” or organic brands often avoid synthetic dyes altogether, replacing them with plant-based colorings instead. The good news? Consumers are speaking up. Thanks to increasing awareness and pressure from the public, some major food companies have started phasing out artificial dyes in favor of natural ones. You’ll now find more products boasting labels like “no artificial colors” or “made with natural coloring.” But there’s still a long way to go. If you're concerned about what’s in your food, it’s worth taking a few extra seconds to read the ingredient list. Look out for Red 40, Yellow 5, and Blue 1 those are the usual suspects. And whenever possible, choose products that use natural colors derived from things like spirulina, paprika, or carrots. Your body and especially your kids might thank you for it. In the end, food should not only taste good but be good for you, too. A splash of color might catch your eye, but the real beauty lies in knowing exactly what you're putting in your body. --- ...Thanks to Pres Trump: April 22, 2025 HHS, FDA to Phase Out Petroleum-Based Synthetic Dyes in Nation’s Food Supply: The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services and U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) today announced a series of new measures to phase out all petroleum-based synthetic dyes from the nation’s food supply—a significant milestone in the administration’s broader initiative to Make America Healthy Again. “For too long, some food producers have been feeding Americans petroleum-based chemicals without their knowledge or consent,” said HHS Secretary Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. “These poisonous compounds offer no nutritional benefit and pose real, measurable dangers to our children’s health and development. That era is coming to an end. We’re restoring gold-standard science, applying common sense, and beginning to earn back the public’s trust. And we’re doing it by working with industry to get these toxic dyes out of the foods our families eat every day.” https://tinyurl.com/4nzvmftd ======================================================== >-->In The Worldly News: Flag Day: Trump promises ‘thundering tanks and breathtaking flyovers’ at military parade on Flag Day: ‘Like nothing you’ve ever seen’ - “On Saturday June 14th, which is Flag Day, we are honoring the 250th anniversary of the greatest fighting force in history, the United States Army. We will celebrate [with] a spectacular military parade in Washington, D.C.,” Pres. Trump said. President Donald J. Trump https://www.donaldjtrump.com/ White House Actions - 2025 https://www.whitehouse.gov/presidential-actions/ Trump Accomplishments 2025 https://tinyurl.com/musd7m3x DOGE Latest News https://doge.gov/ DOGE Latest Savings https://doge.gov/savings From The Daily Acorn: Positive News https://www.thedailyacorn.com/ Latest From Lifezette: https://www.lifezette.com/ Tucker Carlson On Rumble https://rumble.com/c/TuckerCarlson Latest Eric Bolling: https://ericbolling.com/ Latest From Hannity: https://hannity.com/ Latest From American Action News: https://americanactionnews.com/ Latest From Reliable News: https://reliablenewsnow.com/ Latest From Newsmax: https://www.newsmax.com/ Latest From Expose: https://expose-news.com/ Latest From Billings Report: https://billingsreport.com/ Latest From AFA: http://tinyurl.com/j7lakqw Latest From OperationRescue: http://www.operationrescue.org/ Latest Product Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/products/?fmt=text Latest Health Alert: http://www.emergencyemail.org/health/?fmt=text Click to Give Free https://greatergood.com/clicktogive/ggc/home -<>- >From Archives BizarreNews: There is 'eating out' your ex-girlfriend, and then there is eating your ex-girlfriend. One will get you an awkward next morning with someone you thought you had ended a relationship with, the other will get you a lifetime in a metal and concrete cage while criminology experts examine you through a tiny window. This Indiana man will not have to worry about having that awkward next morning conversation with his ex. Clark County has charged 34-year-old Joseph Oberhansley with murder and abuse of a corpse in the death of 46-year-old Tammy Jo Blanton in September. According to court documents, Oberhansley told police he broke into Blanton's home and killed and mutilated her, then ate her heart and parts of her brain and lung. That's right; real, live Hannibal Lecter shit. And if you think this story couldn't possible get any worse, Clark County Prosecutor Jeremy Mull just recently asked for a rape charge to be added. In Indiana, aggravated circumstances needed for a jury to consider the death penalty include rape, burglary and dismemberment. I didn't think things could get much more aggravated than eating somebody's brains, but I guess I was wrong. STORY UPDATE: Defense attorneys plan to argue at trial that their client was insane at the time of the murder. Yeah, that'll probably work. *- Nudists Plan Roller-Coaster World Record -* A British nudist group is organizing an attempt at breaking the Guinness World Record by having more than 100 people ride a roller-coaster while naked. British Naturism said it is hoping at least 103 people will participate in the attempt to break the record for most naked riders on a theme park ride at Blackpool Pleasure Beach. The current record was set in 2010, when 102 naked people took a ride on the Green Scream roller-coaster at Adventure Island in Southend-on-Sea, Essex, England. The new attempt will take place on the notoriously bumpy Grand National roller-coaster. Participants are being asked to bring a bathrobe, flip-flops or tennis shoes, a towel to sit on and a bag to store their clothes. The record attempt will be followed by a "skinny dip" event at the Sandcastle Waterpark, which will allow people to ride the water slides in the buff for three hours. *--- Gorilla Arrested ---* A man wearing a gorilla costume last week broke into a Louisiana residence, according to cops who fought with the suspect after finding him hiding under a mattress. The investigation began when Sulphur City police got a call about a suspicious person in an all- black costume walking the streets and going into residents yards. When officers arrived on the scene they learned a male subject was looking through windows of homes and sneaking through yards. "Who goes around in a gorilla suit, peeking in windows?" said one resident. When officers located the suspect--later identified as Jeremie Joseph Moran, 34--he fled into a nearby residence, ignoring police demands to stop. During a subsequent search of the home, cops found Moran wearing a "black gorilla suit" investigators say. Moran tussled with cops trying to handcuff him, but he was eventually subdued and placed under arrest. He was charged with multiple offenses, including unauthorized entry of an inhabited dwelling, methamphetamine possession, resisting a police officer with violence or force, and wearing a mask or hood in public. ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend EdLaF :) .. blaa blaa blaaa... .((())). cornet -> ( \(( ))==> <- pencil t |//_^ ^)" p e y \)_\V/.-. t y p /||| ( _\ _e/ |'\/__.-.\ _ ___.'_(.'_)_/ ,___))___ _ ___/||___t p .'-'-_-_-'-,:y e .'-_-_-_-_-_-/ (__________,(/mrf >GRANDPARENTS ANSWERING MACHINE Good morning . . . At present we are not at home but, please Leave your message after you hear the beep. beeeeeppp ... If you are one of our children, dial 1 and then select the option from 1 to 5 in order of "arrival" so we know who it is. If you need us to stay with the children, press 2 If you want to borrow the car, press 3 If you want us to wash your clothes and ironing, press 4 If you want the grandchildren to sleep here tonight, press 5 If you want us to pick up the kids at school, press 6 If you want us to prepare a meal for Sunday or to have it delivered to your home, press 7 If you want to come to eat here, press 8 If you need money, press 9 If you are going to invite us to dinner, or, taking us to the theater start talking we are listening !!!!!!!!!!!" -<>- Keep reading: The following were taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds: _....._ .--. _.-' `-._ o/o-;;; ( `-._ _.-' ) (_, z) `:-._'---'_.-:' ,,,, _|-' / : `'''`_,-/`-._ /.. ) /\`--/"\ : [_./_ /_ _(_& _P / \_/, | : :`-/(_`_____ _\-'_/___/ /| : _.-: 8 \=__))____/ | : |'_.-: \_ | / F : | : : //`7/ / / : | :.-: (( (( L_______/ : |o : /_>/_> / Y / : |_.-': / / / : : J J J (`'-._____,-'`) | | | | | | | | | | _J__J__J (_ _) (__(_____) cjr'-..___..-' 2may01 >WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT? Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's. A grandfather is a man, & a grandmother is a lady! Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them.. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money. When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars. They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.' They don't say, 'Hurry up.' Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes. They wear glasses and funny underwear. They can take their teeth and gums out. Grandparents don't have to be smart.. They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?' When they read to us, they don't skip.. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again. Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us. They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad. MY GRANDMOTHER LIVES AT THE AIRPORT AND WHEN WE WANT HER, WE JUST GO GET HER. THEN WHEN WE'RE DONE HAVING HER VISIT, WE TAKE HER BACK TO THE AIRPORT. GRANDPA IS THE SMARTEST MAN ON EARTH! HE TEACHES ME GOOD THINGS, BUT I DON'T GET TO SEE HIM ENOUGH TO GET AS SMART AS HIM! It's funny when they bend over; you hear gas leaks, and they blame their dog. Send this to other grandparents, almost grandparents, or heck, send it to everyone. It will make their day. --- ...LOL! Sweet! Thanks EdLaF! -<>- ,---------------------------------------------------++++------. | ,-------------------. `T$b. PL | | | _.$._ | NAME(-S): Marcin `T$b. | | | &;;$$$$$;;& | SURNAME: Rataj `T$b.| | | d&&&&&:&&&&&b | NICKNAME: maRcin `T$l | | d$P^'`:;:`'^T&b | SIG: MRC (gan)(997) `l | | &;,--. .--.:& | ADRESS: Universe (this) | | | :; (o>` One Fabulous Quote "Try and fathom the hypocrisy of a Government that requires every citizen to prove they are insured, but not everyone must prove they are a citizen." (AND, this same government is pushing for a no ID requirement when voting!) --- ...Yeah - Crazy Dems! Thanks EdLaF! ========================================================= ,-. O / `. <\/ `. |* `. / \ `. / / `>')3s, --------. ,' apc / 7 >-->From Cleanlaughs: "So, what's the matter?" asked one woman of her friend over coffee. "I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong," the second woman answered. "First, he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. "All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I ended up catching the most fish!" -<>- One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. "Get the owner's manual!" her husband shouted. "I can't find it anywhere!" she cried, searching through the box. "Oops!" came a voice from the kitchen. "Well, the toast is fine, but the owner's manual's burned to a crisp." -<>- The following was overheard at a recent high society party... "My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great," said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked, "How far does your family go back?" "I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost in the flood." -<>- ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 .d88 8 oooooooooooooooooooooooooooood8888 8 8888888888888888888888888P" 8888 oooooooooooooooo 8 8888888888888888888888P" 8888 8 8 8 8888888888888888888P" 8888 8 d8 8 8888888888888888P" 8888 8 d88 8 8888888888888P" 8888 8 d888 8 8888888888P" 8888 8 d8888 8 8888888P" 8888 8 d88888 8 8888P" 8888 8 d888888 8 8888oooooooooooooooooooooocgmm8888 8 d8888888 8 .od88888888888888888888888888888888 8 d88888888 8888888888888888888888888888888888888 8 d888888888 8 d8888888888 ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 8 d88888888888 d ...oood8b 8 d888888888888 d ...oood888888888888b 8 d8888888888888 d ...oood88888888888888888888888b 8d88888888888888 dood8888888888888888888888888888888888b >BOYFRIEND 5.0 TO HUSBAND 1.0..... Dear Tech Support: Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a slowdown in the performance of the flower and jewelry applications that had operated flawlessly under the Boyfriend 5.0 system. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.9, and installed undesirable programs such as NFL 7.4, NBA 3.2 and NHL 4.1. Conversation 8.0 also no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed, Desperate -<>- The fragrance department of a major New York City store where I shop is always pushing the latest scents. Attractive models move about the floor offering to spray customers with the newest bouquet. One day, outside the store's restaurant, a model sprayed two women who had just finished their lunch. When one woman com- mented that the perfume was too strong, the model replied, "The fragrance will be softer once it dries and the alcohol wears off." "See!" her friend chided. "I told you not to have that second drink." -<>- I have my changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." However, I used to get frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat little tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is now reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it is there waiting. -<>- .'''. '(("""))' '((O.O))' '; o ;' .("|((, / | || (_ | |/ ,'..,' : ScS @[.,..' \ `, | | | As Reynoldo lit the votive candle at the grotto for San Jose de los Platanos and prayed for the healthy delivery of his first child, he heard a disembodied voice say, "Your daughter will be 17 inches long," to which Reynoldo replied, "Do you know the weight too, San Jose?" ========================================================= >-->From Our Friend LaRueR :) _ _.-'`-._ _ ;.'________'.; _________n.[____________].n_________ |""_""_""_""||==||==||==||""_""_""_""] |"""""""""""||..||..||..||"""""""""""| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| |.. .. .. ..||..||..||..||.. .. .. ..| |LI LI LI LI||LI||LI||LI||LI LI LI LI| ,,;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;;,;;,;;;,;;;,;;,, ;;jgs;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; While walking down the street one day a corrupt Senator (that may be redundant) was tragically hit by a car and died. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. "Welcome to heaven," says St.. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you." "No problem, just let me in," says the Senator. "Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from the higher ups. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity." "Really?, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the Senator. "I'm sorry, but we have our rules." And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They played a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and the finest champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who is having a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are all having such a good time that before the Senator realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises. The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens in heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him, "Now it's time to visit heaven...” So, 24 hours passed with the Senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. "Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity." The Senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell." So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell... Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls to the ground. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulders. "I don't understand," stammers the Senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?" The devil smiles at him and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning, Today, you voted.." Vote wisely in the midterms! -- When the world says, 'Give Up', Hope whispers 'Try It One More Time' --- ...awww, So very well said! Thanks LaRueR! ========================================================= >-->From AndyChaps: . . . .'. \ / \ / .'. .' '.' ' -= o =- -= o =- .' ' / | \ / | \ | | | | | | .=====| |=====. |.---.| |.---.| ||=o=|| ||=o=|| || || || || || || || || ||___|| ||___|| |[:::]| jgs |[:::]| '-----' '-----' >Andy Says... just Think About This! I take one day at a time unless they all gang up on me. "We all know a variety of ways to make a living. What's even more fascinating is figuring out ways to make a fortune." ~Jim Rohn "The man says, "If I had a fortune, I'd take good care of it. But I only have a paycheck and I don't know where it all goes." Wouldn't you love to have him running your company?" ~Jim Rohn Attitude is greatly shaped by influence and association. We need a variety of input and influence and voices. You cannot get all the answers to life and business from one person or from one source. Don't spend most of your time on the voices that don't count. Tune out the shallow voices so that you will have more time to tune in the valuable ones. "No" puts distance between you and the wrong influence. Don't join an easy crowd; you won't grow. Go where the expectations and the demands to perform are high. Some people you can afford to spend a few minutes with, but not a few hours. Get around people who have something of value to share with you. Their impact will continue to have a significant effect on your life long after they have departed. -<>- ,-----. W/,-. ,-.\W ()>a a<() (.--(_)--.) ,'/.-'\_/`-.\`. ,' / `-' \ `. / \ / \ / `. ,' \ / / `-._.-' \ \ ,-`-._/| |=|o |\_.-< <,--.) |_____| |o____| )_ \ `-)| |// _ \\| )/ || |' | `| || | | | || ( )|( ) || | | | || | | | || |_.--.|.--._| || /'""| |""`\ [] `===' `===' hjw >I'm Not Old... I'm Mature! Today at the drugstore, the clerk was a gent. From my purchase this chap took off ten percent. I asked for the cause of a lesser amount; And he answered, "Because of the Seniors Discount." I went to McDonald's for a burger and fries; And there, once again, got quite a surprise. The clerk poured some coffee which he handed to me. He said, "For you, Seniors, the coffee is free." Understand---I'm not old---I'm merely mature; But some things are changing, temporarily, I'm sure. The newspaper print gets smaller each day, And people speak softer---can't hear what they say. My teeth are my own (I have the receipt.) and my glasses identify people I meet. Oh, I've slowed down a bit...not a lot, I am sure. You see, I'm not old...I'm only mature. The gold in my hair has been bleached by the sun. You should see all the damage that chlorine has done. Washing my hair has turned it all white, But don't call it grey...saying "blonde" is just right. My car is all paid for...not a nickel is owed. Yet a kid yells, "Old duffer...get off of the road!" My car has no scratches...not even a dent. Still I get all that guff from a punk who's "Hell bent." My friends all get older...much faster than me. They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see. I've got "character lines," not wrinkles...for sure, But don't call me old...just call me mature. The steps in the houses they're building today Are so high that they take...your breath all away; And the streets are much steeper than ten years ago. That should explain why my walking is slow. But I'm keeping up on what's hip and what's new, And I think I can still dance a mean boogaloo. I'm still in the running...in this I'm secure, I'm not really old...I'm only mature. -<>- ___ .-"`` `'. .' \ / \ | _.-"-._ | __..-"` `. '---'``-._ / jgs ``--....-'` >A PARIDIGM: 'I'm the greatest batter in the world,' said the proud boy as he tossed the ball into the air and swung his bat. He missed. Undaunted, he threw the ball up again and said, 'I'm the greatest batter ever!' He missed again. He looked at his ball then his bat. Once more he tossed the ball up into the air, 'I'm the greatest batter who ever lived!' He swung hard and missed. 'Wow!'he exclaimed. 'And I'm an even better pitcher!' -<>- -="""--.._ ""--...._\ ,b:--....---. || //'""------"' _.l+----.// .&$""' .'"=.. '. / | | ) \ _.-'@_.' '@_/ | .' " \ -._,-'^"""^'-, `. ,\""---___ |.. _.--._, \ .-"(,_\_""" _.' ' _,-; '"` ` " """' """' | |__ ,+ |-.`o o'"/| #| oO Oo"./ (#| | "|_, | '|> \ / `l ,' |,-----||' pjy lj lJ o@o o@o " " >Short Takes Sign on the desk of an airline executive in Chicago: 'Don't bother to agree with me, I've already changed my mind.' I know it's going to be a good day when all the wheels on my shopping cart turn the same way. Sign in a bank: 'Don't kiss our girls. They're tellers.' Husband to wife as they plan a budget in the current inflationary times: 'Let's start with the basic necessities; food, clothing and shelter. We have a choice of any two. Doing business without advertising is like winking at a girl in the dark. You know what you're doing, but nobody else does. The problem with communication in marriage is that every time the husband has words with his wife, she has paragraphs with him. I was always taught to respect my elders. But it's getting harder and harder to find one. A cocktail party is a gathering where sandwiches and friends are cut into little pieces. Television will never replace the newspaper. You can't wrap a fish in it. A psychiatrist's secretary walks into his office and says, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. He says he's invisible." The psychiatrist responds, "O.K. Tell him I can't see him." "I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." -<>- >Bumper Snickers * Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. * Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately, it kills all its students. * Few women admit their age; Fewer men act it. * When God calls 'Time', the game is over. Which exit will you take? -<>- ^ ,| ]. /] ] ] ]\ /] ] ] ] ] ]\ |\ | ] ] ] ] ] ] ] /| | |\ /] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]\ /| | | | ||| ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]|| | | |U|U||| ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]||U|U| |"\| |||U]U]U]U]U]U]U]U]U]|| |/"| | \ ||| ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ] ]|| / | ||\ \||| ]_]-'""@""`-|_] ]||/ /|| || L |`\ , |_____| . /'| T || || |\ | |{ `"""""' }| | /| || |`"""'| | \ / | |`"""'| `"""""[__| |_______| |__]"""""' `-.|"""""""|.-' Ojo'98 >Who is "WE"? In his book, "Stories for Sermons," Arthur Tonne, tells how a famous organist was giving a recital in an eastern church. The instrument was not supplied air electrically; it had to be pumped by hand. A young boy was engaged to do this for the occasion. Everything was going along fine until the lad put his head around the side of the organ and whispered, "We are doing pretty good, aren't we?" "What do you mean by 'we'?" objected the organist. A few minutes later, in the midst of a beautiful strain, the organ suddenly stopped giving out any music. Desperately the organist tried all the stops. No use. Then again he saw the head of the boy bob around the corner, a broad smile on his face. He said, "Now do you know who I mean by 'we'?" -<>- >Anniversary/Birthday Card A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a 'birthday- anniversary card.' The clerk replied, 'We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?' The man said, 'You don't understand. I need a card that covers both events. You see, we're celebrating the fifth anniversary of my wife's thirty-fourth birthday.' -<>- .####. .#' `#. # # # # .#. .#. /###\ /OOO\ ##### OOOOO \###/ \OOO/ `-' `-' VK >A Mental Stop For A Blonde A blonde studying to be a counselor always went into her counseling sessions with an ear muff over one ear. After a while the supervisor became very curious and asked her about it. She replied, "It's for confidentiality." "Confidentiality?" asked the bewildered supervisor. "Yes, confidentiality," the blonde explained, "I've been told what goes in one ear comes out the other and I don't want anyone else knowing what my client says." -<>- >A-Hemmmmm! Groan.............. An Indian chief sends his son off to college. The son comes home with an electrical engineering degree. The first thing that the chief wants his son to do is to install electric lights in the outhouse as there are too many people stumbling around in the dark. The son installs the lights and is therefore known as the first Indian to wire ahead for a reservation. -<>- .-------. |Jackpot| ____________|_______|____________ | __ __ ___ _____ __ | | / _\ / / /___\/__ \ / _\ | | \ \ / / // // / /\ \\ \ 25| | _\ \/ /___/ \_// / / \/_\ \ []| | \__/\____/\___/ \/ \__/ []| |===_______===_______===_______===| ||*|\_ |*| _____ |*|\_ |*|| ||*|| \ _ |*|| ||*|| \ _ |*|| ||*| \_(_) |*||*BAR*||*| \_(_) |*|| ||*| (_) |*||_____||*| (_) |*|| __ ||*|_______|*|_______|*|_______|*||(__) |===_______===_______===_______===| || ||*| _____ |*|\_ |*| ___ |*|| || ||*|| ||*|| \ _ |*| |_ | |*|| || ||*||*BAR*||*| \_(_) |*| / / |*|| || ||*||_____||*| (_) |*| /_/ |*|| || ||*|_______|*|_______|*|_______|*||_// |===_______===_______===_______===|_/ ||*| ___ |*| | |*| _____ |*|| ||*| |_ | |*| / \ |*|| ||*|| ||*| / / |*| /_ _\ |*||*BAR*||*|| ||*| /_/ |*| O |*||_____||*|| ||*|_______|*|_______|*|_______|*|| |lc=___________________________===| | /___________________________\ | | | | | _| \_______________________/ |_ (_____________________________________) >Blonde Moments! Two blonde gals went together to play the slot machines at the casino. Each agreed that when her allotted money was gone, she would go to the front of the casino and sit on the bench to wait for the other. Trixie quickly lost all her money and went to sit on the bench. She waited and waited. After what seemed an eternity, she finally saw Patty coming toward her, carrying this huge sack of coins. "Hey, Trixie," said Patty, "how'd you do?" "Not very good," came the reply. "I've been waiting here for hours." Patty said: "You should have been with me... did I ever find a good machine! It's way in the back. Come! I'll show it to you... you can't lose! Ever time you put a dollar in, you win four quarters!" ========================================================= >-->FUN Places To Net Visit :) Nation's Tallest Flagpole! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/flagpole.html Will Roger's Quotes! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/willrogers.html Most Valuable! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/valuable.html Dangerous Critters! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/dangerouscritters.html Real Angry Birds! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/angrybirds.html Fun With Nature! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/nature.html Chevy Selling It! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/chevysi.html Awesome Tree Houses! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/treehouses.html Extraordinary Photos! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/extraordinary.html Ford's First RV! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/firstrv.html Sand Sculpture Art 3 http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/sandart3.html Empire State Building! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/empire.html Real Three Bears! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/bears.html Scott Weaver Toothpick Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/toothpick.html Top Reasons To Smile! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/smile.html Egg Face Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/eggface.html World's Largest Web! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/web.html Ohio Indians! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/ohioindians.html WORMS! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/worms.html Scotch Tape Art! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/tapeart.html Liberty Air Show! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/liberty.html Adam In Paradise! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/adam.html Aww Animals 4! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/animals4.html Floating Hotel! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/fhotel.html Germany's Waldgeist Restaurant! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/germanyr.html Most Intelligent Animals! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/intelligent.html Great White Shark! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/greatwhite.html Most Expensive Cars! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/expensivecars.html World's Best Husband! http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/husbands.html Rules For US Citizens! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/rules.html US Troop Index! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/911andtroopsindex.html Moms and Dads INDEX! http://www.shangralafamilyfun.com/momsanddadsindex.html -<>- How to Become a Christian - How to Get Born Again / How to Get Saved / Romans 10:9 & 10 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DMzblR8YDQ0 Bible https://quod.lib.umich.edu/k/kjv/ ======================================================= >-->Quotes & Thunkers: "No one appreciates the value of constructive criticism more thoroughly than the one who's giving it." --Hal Chadwick "Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I." --Frank Crow "If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason." -Jack Handey "Chrysler just announced that it plans to offer free college tuition to thousands of employees at dealerships across the country. Chrysler says it's just a small way of making up for the PT Cruiser." -Jimmy Fallon "The TSA is under fire for major security lapses. The TSA has let through pipe bombs, knives, and the last three Nicolas Cage movies." -Conan O'Brien "Senator Lindsey Graham has announced that he's running for president. If elected, Graham would be the first bachelor elected president in 130 years. And he'd also be the first candidate to choose his running mate in an elaborate rose ceremony." -Seth Meyers "This weekend in Los Angeles, people got to meet famous cats from the Internet at the first-ever CatCon. Unfortunately, I couldn't make it because I'm allergic to sad people." -Conan O'Brien "Chipotle has announced plans to provide paid vacation, tuition, reimbursement, and sick days for hourly workers, which is great. But now if you want guacamole, it's $400." -Seth Meyers "Yahoo! announced last week that after eight years of operation it's shutting down Yahoo! Maps. Also announced this week - there's something called Yahoo! Maps." -Jimmy Fallo >Updated FUN STUFF URLS - Oh Yeah, Shangy! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/urls.html FUN URLS ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->ShangyFunList AD RATES: $35 will get your a message (of up to 40 words) out to all web site list readers. Email me to secure dates. Ad Request ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->FULL LENGTH - FREE On line AUDIO MP3 Christian Foundational Class NEW LIFE IN CHRIST! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- -->This is for all you who love food and DARE to make it at home Yep. You guessed it - Recipes. These are Tried and True, Yummy to the Tummy, good old fashioned home cooking recipes that are EASY to do Visit Shangy's Easy-Does-It Home Recipes: http://www.ShangralaFamilyFun.com/easy.html Home Recipes >Got A good Recipe? SHARE IT HERE: Share A Recipe **********************************************************************